He didn't see me, not the first time, when he crept into the moonlit gardens away from - well everything that I was hiding from too I supposed. I'd found that I could actually hide away into a nook that no one ever noticed, not even during the brightest light of the day and find some semblance of peace. I knew that no one would understand - why would I need PEACE here? Asgard was everything right and beautiful - the palace of Odin and Frigga was a wonderland - and I was not only a welcome guest, but one whom Frigga had requested to be raised at her elbow.
My parents had seen it as something of a coup - an elevation among even the most elite of our people, of which they counted themselves - to have Odin's own queen to ask for their only child to live and learn at her side. I'd known better than to beg against going. Asking to stay home, to be reared by my own parents, in my own home, after Frigga had requested my presence would not only be seen as ridiculous by my parents, but it would have gone against all etiquette known to the Nine Realms.
And so, at the tender age of ten years old, I'd been bundled off to live under the keen eye of Odin. Under the same roof as his boisterous son Thor and his quieter, yet somehow more playful son Loki - with Frigga taking me carefully under her maternal wing. She truly didn't offer the same hearth and home to many others. While Thor had a group of three fellows - Volstagg, Fandral, and Hogun - chosen from near and far to train with the more physical Odinson, Loki and I had few others joining us with Frigga. Rarely they lasted, and those who did kept to themselves, or broke off into their own pairs. Sif, chosen to learn with us, broke away and found her place alongside Thor's group.
Frigga was both soft and nurturing while also a heavy taskmaster. She had seen an aptitude in each of us and expected us to put forth the effort to maximize it. If we weren't doing our part, working hard and at the level she expected from us, then we could expect to see her disappointment.
The work wasn't difficult - not for me OR him - but this wasn't HOME either. I had trouble sleeping. Even if the rooms I'd been given were spacious and gorgeously decorated. Frigga had come to visit them, the evening I'd arrived, to welcome me and to let me know that I could change anything I wished to -
"It's well within your power, Sigyn." Her smile was sweet, and she looked as gentle and kind as she always had during the visits my parents had included me in. "All you have to do -"
I shut my eyes and focused, changing the bed hangings from the pale pastels that someone else had chosen to the darkest red I could imagine - like blood from an artery and when I opened my eyes they were just as I'd wanted. "I know," I murmured and Frigga's smile grew. "Mother told me that I would stay until -"
Her smile had faltered, just for a moment, but I'd caught it. "You'll stay, my sweetness, until you've learned all I can teach you." Her tone wasn't stern, nor were her words said in harshness, but there was something thick that ran through them - something heady that I didn't quite understand.
And so, as I learned - soaking up the knowledge that Frigga gifted me with like a sponge might water during a bath - but I still had problems sleeping. Unless I could spend time outside, in the dark, in the silence.
The first time, he didn't notice me - as I said - hidden in my little nook of leaves and fragrant blossoms. I watched him, the quiet, mischievous one. The one more than capable of winning in a battle of wits OR a battle of strength - by utilizing the same tricks. Loki Odinson, an Asgardian prince, and while we were on par in our studies, we were still strangers - months into my stay here.
He wandered the garden, pacing, sighing. I considered, since he was older than I, that perhaps I was destined to see an asinasation. That Loki had made an appointment with one of the more than willing ladies I'd noticed taking notice of him - while they all openly gasped and gaped at Thor and his "warriors" - I could see them whisper and bite their lips as Loki walked past, his nose in a book or his eyes focused on something far beyond what was in front of him. If I'd seen them, surely so had he.
While I stayed hidden, wishing beyond belief that I could teleport as he could, at least he stayed alone. Simply wandering the garden, taking in the night, much as I did - perhaps he was having issues sleeping as well.
Loki stayed long past the time when I was growing weary and I was hoping that he'd grow tired soon - if only so I could go inside to my waiting bed - and as though he'd somehow heard my wish he finally took one last deep breath and shook his head, then headed inside. I waited a few extra moments, his room was further along than mine, but I wanted to be certain that he'd gone on before I chanced it - and once I felt I'd given him enough of a head's start, I left my hidden spot and went inside.
My rooms - I'd swapped out the colors more times than I could count - nothing seemed to fit or made me feel comfortable, were as warm as I could want them. The temperature, like the colors, were controllable by me. My bath was adjacent and I could ask for help from any of those who were tasked with keeping Odin's realm looking and running smoothly or I could take care of matters myself - the entire point of Frigga's tutelage was to learn to manage things on my own. Magic wasn't simply for glamour or illusions. Use it for the purposes it was intended for - to make lives better, easier - not only mine, but others.
And so, I'd learned, through trial and much error, how to dress myself and fix my own hair - Frigga was always available to come help undo anything that I had made a mess of - ready to not only show me where I'd gone wrong, but also how to make sure that I didn't go wrong in the same way again. Unfortunately there are a vast myriad of ways to go wrong with magic and I felt like I was going to touch upon each one.
As I undressed and took down my hair for bed, I considered the idea that I might have to share my spot in the garden with Loki - a heavy sigh built inside of me. It was the one place I'd found to have for my own - all my own. Crawling into the bed, I appeased myself with the reality that he'd ONLY shown up once - I'd been going there almost nightly for months now. Perhaps that meant that it was a one time visit.
Drifting off, I couldn't help but think of how he'd looked, with the pale light that lit the garden at night shining down on his pale skin and dark hair. So very different than when we were working with his mother and the others during the day or having dinner in the hall. His skin - I yawned, sleep whispering sweet nothings to draw me under - it looked almost blue.
