As though his arrival at the Time Variance Authority wasn't jarring enough - sitting across from the pale haired man with his crooked nose and his attempts at delving in the WHYS of a god's actions was just as trying. Agent Mobius, he'd introduced himself as - as though it mattered, as though any of this mattered. Cosmic joke that this entire experience had to be.
Watching his defeat, fleeting though it was, at the hands of his buffoonish brother and those barbaric companions he befriended - did this Mobius being think it a bonding experience? That seeing it so soon after it had occurred would cause him to tell all the traumas of his past - as if he needed a sounding board for his pain, and if he did, that he'd choose THIS being for it.
It was simple, far easier than he cared to admit, to slip away. A harsh blow came after threatening - AND having to explain that threat to Casey the dimwitted worker drone - and gaining access to the Tesseract. A cache of Infinity Stones and more to be had, if Casey was to be believed, and since he was too naive to attempt subterfuge he found himself believing him - none held any of the power that they had outside the TVA. Worthless and useless - much as Loki was starting to feel.
Returning to the room he'd been stuck inside of with Mobius, after a short struggle with the ambitious and confident Minuteman who had collared him upon first sighting, he sat and considered his fate and options.
Returning to the flickering images. He searched for her - alone in the room where Agent Mobius had attempted to convince him to - it didn't matter. All that mattered was what was lost. His mother, his own life - he stopped watching - fearful of who he hadn't seen - the bright burning light he HAD NOT seen flash across any of the timeline that was available in the scenes he watched.
His heartbeat was pounding hard and true - against the images he'd witnessed of his death at the hands of Thanos. HE was here, inhaling and exhaling, alive and well - a VARIANT as the TVA insisted - a time criminal who had jumped from his own timeline and absconded from the natural course of - but did it matter? Did anything matter if SHE no longer existed? What care did he have if the one being in the entirety of everything had gone?
Losing Frigga - the woman who raised and loved him was a harsh blow, one that he felt deep enough to feel for a very long time. But losing HER? If he knew that SHE was no more - that she was gone - he really would burn everything to dust, just so he could be certain of joining her. If she ceased to exist, then who was HE?
As he watched the life drain out of his own face, he felt bereft. From the moment he'd returned to Asgard - he hadn't had her comfort, her light, her love and loyalty. A promise and a vow that they'd given one another so long before on Midgard, of all places, locked together skin on skin - to not leave their lives apart. Of all the victims that Mobius had paraded across his screen, of all the pain and loss he'd forced upon Loki - God of Mischief - THIS loss was the one that cut deeper than even his own death.
"Glorious Purpose," he murmured, wondering as his eyes burned with unshed tears just how he'd been blinded by - what had blinded him? Ambition? Rage? What had caused him to lose sight of what had been most important to him? What would he give it all up to find again?
"There you are," Mobius had returned, having found him sitting and contemplating his next ten moves - even as he forced down the fear and bile that was threatening to overtake him.
He felt certain that he'd KNOW if she was gone, but with all he was learning, with his head spinning as he learned more about the TVA and these 'Time-Keepers', 'Judges', 'Minutemen', and whatever this Mobius was - Agent or otherwise - he grew more uncertain with his certainty. HOW would he know? Which timeline would he find her - when the timeline was corrected and the mess fixed - would she be saved and safe?
The source, if he could get to the source, these 'Time-Keepers' then perhaps he could find an answer to his burning question. The most important question he could ever ask - Where was SIGYN?
