Merry Christmas! Your present is TWO new chapters!
Chapter Twenty-Four
He was still exhausted when his alarm went off a meager four hours later. He groaned and burrowed into the pillow, chasing the scent of Dean, but the pillow mostly smelled like Castiel's own tea tree shampoo now. He wanted to call Dean and check on him, but he didn't want to wake his boyfriend if he was finally getting some much needed rest. He texted Sam for an update instead.
Sam responded almost immediately. Dean was indeed sleeping. He still had a fever but it hadn't gotten any worse, and they had a large container of chicken noodle soup in the fridge courtesy of one of Dean's neighbors. Sam promised to let Castiel know as soon as there was any change, and Castiel breathed a sigh of relief.
As he was reading Sam's texts, his phone dinged with an incoming message from a different number.
Anna Milton: Josh is back on day shift this week so I can help out at the restaurant if Dean's still under the weather. Just let me know.
He breathed another sigh of relief that he wouldn't be short handed again tonight.
Thank you. That would be much appreciated. I'll make sure you're well compensated.
That's really not necessary. I'm not doing it for money. I'm doing it for you. What are friends for?
Despite his exhaustion and gnawing worry, a smile tugged at Castiel's lips as he read that word. Friends.
Nevertheless, it's only fair that you be paid for your time. I wouldn't feel right taking advantage of a friend.
If you insist. I look forward to cooking with you again, chef. =)
And I you.
With a smile still on his face, he went to start breakfast. His tea from last night was still on the counter, cold and forgotten. He poured it out and rinsed the mug while the coffee was perking. Claire shuffled into the kitchen, tousle-haired and bleary-eyed. "Good morning," Castiel said. "I was thinking of oatmeal for breakfast. Have you ever had oatmeal made from scratch?"
She shook her head.
"Would you like to learn how to make it?"
To his surprise, that got another head shake, and she plopped down in a chair, pulling her feet up on the seat and hugging her knees to her chest. Her unicorn pajamas had a hole in the knee. He really needed to buy her some new clothes.
Studying her defensive posture and listless demeanor, Castiel's worry about what might have happened in Naomi's office last night ratcheted up a notch, but pushing her to talk about it when she was barely awake didn't seem like a good idea. He got out the ingredients for the oatmeal, and while he waited for the water to boil, he wrote an email to Dr. Bradbury.
After a breakfast of oatmeal and fresh fruit (and coffee for Castiel, of course; so much coffee), he told Claire to get dressed for ASL class while he cleaned up. They would have to take a cab since Dean wasn't available to drive them in his Baby, another way in which Castiel had become spoiled since he started dating Dean.
Claire scowled and shook her head, folding her arms and slouching down in her chair, every fiber of her little body communicating, 'Don't wanna.'
Castiel blinked. "I thought you enjoyed it last time."
Another head shake.
"Is this about the mean lady at the bistro? We don't have to go back there. We can get lunch somewhere else." He privately lamented the loss of the best chocolate chip pancakes in the city, but he would never make Claire go back to a place that could trigger traumatic memories.
But Claire just gave another truculent head shake and slid so far down her seat that her chin touched her chest.
Castiel sighed and rubbed his eyes, fighting his mounting frustration. Was she testing him deliberately, seeing how far she could push him before he put his foot down? Should he put his foot down? Tell her they were going whether she liked it or not? What would Jimmy do?
He opened his eyes and looked at her. Really looked at her. She was braced for a fight, yes, but behind her clenched jaw and sulky glare wasn't truculence as he'd first thought. She looked tired. She looked more burnt out than any nine-year-old should ever be.
"You know what? I think a lazy Sunday at home is in order. What do you say we stay in our pajamas and do only fun things today? No class."
She sat up and nodded enthusiastically, the light coming back into her eyes for the first time since Dean got sick.
So that was what they did. They spent the morning watching Lilo and Stitch for the five hundredth time and playing Monopoly. They made pizza for lunch and ate picnic style on the living room floor. They colored Get Well Soon cards for Dean and played dress up. (Castiel looked damn good in a tiara if he did say so himself. He took a selfie and sent it to Dean.)
When Missouri arrived to take over so Castiel could go to work, her eyebrows rose at the sight of feather boas, crayons, game pieces, and pillows strewn all over the normally tidy apartment.
"I apologize for the mess," Castiel chuckled. "We've been having a mental health day."
"No apology necessary, sugar," Missouri beamed. "Looks like you had fun."
"We did. Please don't worry about cleaning up. I'll do it tomorrow. There's homemade pizza in the fridge if you're hungry. Claire, behave for Missouri and go to bed on time. You have school tomorrow."
He was thankful that he had a whole week to decide if he would take her back to the restaurant and expose her to Naomi again. She loved it there, but if it wasn't safe… He forcefully shoved down the memories of his mother dragging him and Jimmy to parties full of intoxicated adults.
Missouri helped distract him from his dark thoughts when she said, "Aren't the schools closed tomorrow? It's Presidents' Day."
Castiel gaped at her like a fish for a moment. "Shit. I completely forgot about that. I have a meeting tomorrow morning. Shit. Any chance you can babysit from ten to noon?" That would give him an hour to prep his samples and an hour to deal with the McLeods. If they tried to drag things out, he would politely but firmly excuse himself.
That plan was moot though because Missouri's face fell into an expression of regret and sympathy. "Oh, honey, you know I would, but I'm driving to my son's house upstate tomorrow. It's my granddaughter's fifteenth birthday." She squeezed Castiel's arm. "I wish I could help."
"No." He put his hand over hers. "No, don't you dare apologize. You… you have already helped us more than I can ever say. Enjoy your granddaughter's party and don't worry about us. I'll reschedule the meeting." He didn't even try to pretend he wasn't relieved to have a legitimate excuse to put it off. He turned to Claire. "Alright, since you don't have school tomorrow, you may stay up one hour past your bedtime and no more. And only if you are on your best behavior. Missouri has the right to send you to bed at any time if you make trouble for her. Do we understand each other?"
She nodded obediently. He only had a second to worry about the fact that she made no attempt to convince him to take her to the restaurant tonight. Then she was grabbing Dean's cards from the coffee table and pushing them into Castiel's hand insistently.
"Yes, I'll deliver them on my way home," he promised. It would be late, but he could slip them under the door without waking Dean and Sam.
Claire wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed tightly, her cheek pressed to his stomach.
Castiel swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and hugged back, bending to kiss the top of her head. "I love you too, sweetheart. I'll see you in the morning. Sweet dreams."
As he watched Missouri herd Claire to the bath, Castiel reflected that for once he wasn't second guessing his parenting at all. He was absolutely certain that Jimmy would wholeheartedly approve of every choice he'd made today.
~o0o~
"Lookin' good, chef."
Castiel blinked at Gabe. "Thank you?"
Gabe smiled angelically. "You're welcome. Still no Dean?"
"No, he's still unwell, but Anna will be joining us tonight."
Everyone in earshot brightened up at that, and word spread quickly through the kitchen.
Naomi came out of her office as Castiel was tying his apron. She stopped in her tracks and stared at him. "What… what do you have on your head, Castiel?"
He automatically reached up to touch his hair and encountered plastic and rhinestones. The tiara. He hadn't bothered to change his shirt or comb his hair before he left, just traded sweatpants for jeans and put on shoes, neither of which required a mirror. No wonder the cab driver kept giving him funny looks in the rearview… Missouri! She had let him walk out the door like that and hadn't said a word! Who knew she had such a mischievous streak? He expected that kind of thing from Gabe, but not her.
"Claire wanted to play dress up," he said, tucking the tiara safely in the pocket of his winter coat alongside Dean's cards. "I forgot I had it on." He was surprisingly unembarrassed. "By the way, I need to reschedule my meeting with the McLeods. Tomorrow isn't going to work."
Naomi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Castiel, I'm very sorry about Dean's sudden illness, however—"
"That's not why. The public schools are closed tomorrow, and my babysitter is going upstate to visit family. Tell the McLeods I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, but tomorrow is impossible. I will meet with them next Monday instead. That should still give us plenty of time to order the necessary ingredients before the party."
Naomi's mouth compressed into a thin line, but she could find no fault with that explanation. "Very well," she huffed. "I'll pass on the message." She swept away to the dining room to make sure all the settings were perfectly symmetrical and there wasn't a single water spot on the glasses when the first customers arrived.
Castiel turned to glare at his staff. "Was no one going to tell me?"
Most of them looked sheepish. Gabe, who had never looked sheepish in his life, raised his hand. "I told you that you looked good."
Castiel gave him a withering look, but his heart wasn't really in it. His gaze flickered to Benjamin, remembering what they said to him last night. "We respect you all the more for seeing how seriously you take your role as a parent." Maybe letting himself be a bit more human around these people wouldn't be the end of the world. He'd kissed Dean in front of them, and they hadn't lost respect for him. Everyone who wasn't Naomi just seemed happy that he'd found someone who made him happy.
He let his expression soften just a little. "I am well aware that I look good in a crown, Gabe. That's why I'm in charge around here, and when I say get back to work, you say…"
"Yes, chef," they all chorused cheerfully.
~o0o~
Before Castiel unexpectedly became a single parent overnight, he and Anna had a tradition of sorts. On Sunday nights after everyone else went home, they would cook something simple, open a bottle of wine (or brew a pot of tea while Anna was pregnant), sit at the chef's table, and talk. Mostly business — which menu items weren't selling; which vintages they should include in their next wine order; which fruits and vegetables were coming into or going out of season — but occasionally they strayed into more personal territory after a glass or two. It was during one of these late dinners that Castiel first confessed aloud his suspicion that Bart was cheating on him, and during another Anna confided in him that she and Josh were planning to start a family.
Tonight, with the assurances of their respective babysitters that their children were sleeping peacefully and there was no need to rush home, they decided to honor their tradition again. The shelves were almost bare in anticipation of their weekly restock on Tuesday morning, but there was enough day-old bread, butter, and scraps of various cheeses to make a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches which would pair well with a young, semi-sweet Riesling.
"I'm surprised you're not sick of this by now," Anna said, gesturing to the sandwiches sizzling on the griddle.
Castiel chuckled. "Claire's palate has actually expanded considerably since I discovered that she likes to cook. She'll eat almost anything if you let her help prepare it, although she still likes the classics best. We made pizza this afternoon."
"Sounds like she's adjusting well. Is she talking yet?"
"Not verbally, no, but she's communicating a lot more than she did at the beginning. Her therapist suggested sign language classes, so we're doing that, and she's usually willing to write things down if she can't figure out how to say it any other way. I'm just… I just want her to feel safe and accepted for who she is. I won't say I don't care if she ever talks again, but it's not a priority. It's more important that she lives a full, happy life, whatever that looks like for her."
Anna nodded. "That makes sense. I think it's wonderful that you're meeting her on her terms rather than trying to push her into the mold of some arbitrary normal child."
Castiel shrugged. "I'm only doing what I wish someone had done for my brother and me after our mother died."
Anna reached out and lightly touched his arm. "That's all any of us can do, Castiel. Try to be the parents our children deserve."
That sounded a lot like something Jimmy once said to him when Castiel had marveled at his ability to juggle work and single fatherhood and somehow always be there when Claire needed him. "It's not a superpower, Cas. It's just keeping your priorities straight and trying your best every day because she deserves nothing less.""
"She still likes Dean even now that you two are dating?" Anna asked.
"She adores him. I was a little worried that she would resent having to share me with him, but she always seems thrilled when the three of us do things together. The, uh… the first time Dean spent the night, I woke up the next morning to find him in the kitchen, teaching her to make pancakes."
"Awww," Anna cooed.
"Yes, it was the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life."
Castiel turned off the burner, plated their sandwiches, and took them to the table while Anna grabbed the wine glasses. For a few moments, they ate in silence, enjoying both the food and being off their feet at last.
"I talked to Josh about what you asked me," Anna said after a while. "About naming us Claire's guardians if something happened? We'll do it. Just send us the papers and we'll sign whatever needs signing."
Once again, Castiel felt a weight he hadn't even realized he was carrying lift from his shoulders. So this was what it felt like to have a support system, people who cared. "Thank you," he said, ducking his head to hide the shine of tears in his eyes. "That gives me a great deal of peace of mind."
"I know how you feel. I, um… I actually wanted to ask if you'd… return the favor."
Castiel blinked. "You mean… adopt Rosie if…"
Anna nodded. "You can say no. I won't hold it against you, and it won't change my answer. I know becoming a parent was very sudden for you. You didn't plan it the way I did, but… you're such a good father, Castiel. I know my baby would be in good hands with you."
"What about your family? There's no one who…" Castiel had met Anna's parents at Anna and Josh's wedding five years ago. They'd been young and healthy and seemed like nice people.
Anna shook her head and picked at the crust of her sandwich. "My parents are very conservative. They have a very… rigid view of the world and a woman's place in it. That's not what Josh and I want for Rosie. And Josh's family is a mess. He loves them, but he doesn't trust them to provide stability for his child."
Castiel nodded. "I understand, but I need to discuss this with Dean before I can give you an answer."
"Of course," Anna hastened to assure him. "Take your time. Talk it over with your partner." Her smile turned a touch mischievous. "Already thinking long term with Dean, huh?"
Castiel washed his food down with a healthy gulp of wine so he could blame the warmth in his cheeks on the alcohol. "Will you think I've lost my mind if I say he's the one?"
"No. I knew Josh was my forever person by the second date. Sometimes you just know. Your soul recognizes theirs."
Castiel stared at her open-mouthed for a minute. "Yes. Yes, that's… that's it exactly." It would never have occurred to him to put it that way, but that was how he felt about Dean: like their souls had known each other, not just in a previous life, but in a thousand other lives; like they would always find each other eventually in every possible universe no matter what forces tried to keep them apart. He looked down at the crumbs on his plate. "Naomi thinks I'm a lovesick fool and I'm going to get my heart broken."
Anna scoffed derisively. "What Naomi doesn't understand about love could fill many, many books. Besides, she had it out for Dean even before you started sleeping with him, so I'd take anything she has to say on the matter with a heaping tablespoon of salt."
Castiel frowned. "What do you mean? They seemed to get along just fine until she pissed him off by trying to drive a wedge between us."
Anna shook her head. "It was subtle. You wouldn't have noticed it because obviously you didn't see how she treated him before you came back. Something shifted that night after you agreed to let Dean stay. I think she resented the way he deferred to you, the way he respected you, the way he liked you. Even before he fell in love with you, you were obviously his favorite person out of everyone here. I think Naomi is jealous because he's never smiled at her like that, or gone out of his way to win her approval, or cooked something special just for her." Anna gave him a conspiratorial wink. Clearly someone had told her about the off-menu spaghetti dinner last Sunday.
"You think Naomi is… attracted to Dean?"
"Oh, no, not like that. Well," Anna smirked, "no more than every other heterosexual and bisexual woman with eyes. It's more like… Dean is the sun, and even people who aren't sexually or romantically attracted to him are drawn to his warmth. I think Naomi envies your close relationship with him. She envies how he shines brighter for you than he does for anyone else. But her bitterness is absolutely not your problem." Anna leaned across the table and covered his hand with hers, squeezing gently. "You're allowed to be happy and in love, Castiel. You deserve that, and Naomi shouldn't get to ruin it for you."
~o0o~
He gave the cab driver Dean's address and asked them to wait (with the meter running, of course) while he ran in to deliver Dean's cards. It was nearly one in the morning, so he bypassed the ancient and very noisy elevator, climbing the stairs as quietly as he could. He slipped the cards under the door without knocking and paused to catch his breath before facing the six flights of stairs again. He jumped when he heard the deadbolt slide back with a thunk.
The door opened, revealing Dean standing on the other side, wearing only sweatpants. Castiel's mouth went dry, and it took a supreme effort of will to drag his gaze away from his boyfriend's bare, tattooed chest and back up to his face. He shouldn't be perving on Dean while Dean was sick! That was not what he'd come here for! But dear God did he want to fall to his knees right there in the hallway and find out if Dean was wearing anything underneath those sweatpants.
"Sorry," Castiel croaked, pushing away those inappropriate thoughts even as he filed the mental image in his memory to jerk off to when he got home. "I was trying not to wake you."
Dean shook his head. "You didn't. Fever broke about an hour ago and I felt gross, so I got up to shower and change my sheets." He looked down at the cards in his hand. "You and Claire made these? For me?"
"Yes. It was her idea. I mostly helped with spelling."
Dean was quiet for so long that Castiel started to worry that he was mad for some reason, but then he sniffled, and Castiel realized there were tears in his eyes. He pulled Dean into his arms without hesitation. His skin was normal body warm, no longer feverish, and he smelled like citrus shampoo and Irish Spring. Something loosened in Castiel's chest. He'd been more worried about Dean's health than he'd admitted to himself.
When Dean relaxed into the embrace, tucking his face into the curve of Castiel's neck and releasing all the tension from his body in a long sigh of relief, Castiel remembered that this was the first time they'd held each other since their argument. They had talked things out on the phone last night, and it had helped a lot, but nothing compared to feeling Dean in his arms again, tangible proof that they were okay. He held on a little tighter and rubbed Dean's back.
"Sorry," Dean mumbled into Castiel's neck. "Still overwrought from the fever, I guess. Thank you, Cas. This… this is everything."
"We missed you today. Did you get my picture?"
Dean snorted. "Yeah, that's my new lock screen." He raised his head to look at Castiel. "Baby, about yesterday—"
"You don't need to apologize again, Dean. I've already forgiven you."
Dean smiled. "Thanks, but that's not what I was gonna say."
"Oh. In that case, I apologize for interrupting. Please continue."
Dean ducked his head, blushing adorably. The pink reached all the way down his chest and made his tattoo and his freckles stand out against the flushed skin. Castiel settled his hands on Dean's waist and waited patiently for him to assemble his thoughts, heedless of the fact that there was a taxi meter downstairs counting every passing minute.
"The thing is, Cas, when I said I don't get sick, I guess what I really meant was that for most of my life, no one cared if I was sick. Or tired, or depressed. I still had to get my ass out of bed, do my chores, go to school, go to work, look after Sammy. If I wasn't sick enough to need a hospital, no one cared, least of all my dad. It was always, 'Man up', 'Play through the pain'."
Castiel's heart shattered. "Oh, Dean. I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't tell me that you didn't feel well. I never meant–"
But Dean was shaking his head. "No, that's just it, Cas. I didn't tell you because… well, force of habit, I guess, but you… you picked up on it anyway, and you cared. Even while I was being an ass to you, you cared. When I called last night, I expected you to lay into me about my sulking and acting like a baby about a stupid cold, but you were more worried that I wasn't taking care of myself. I'm just," Dean sighed and rested his forehead against Castiel's, "I guess I'm just trying to say I love you. Thanks for loving my screwed up ass too."
Castiel smiled and kissed the tip of Dean's nose. "Screwed up or not, it's still a wonderful ass. And the rest of you is pretty great too."
Dean laughed. "Glad you think so."
"I know so. It's an objective fact." He nuzzled Dean's cheek which was prickly with two days' worth of stubble. "You don't ever have to keep your game face on for me, Dean. You don't ever have to play through the pain. I love you for all that you are, and that includes your bad days. Goodness knows you've seen me fall apart a few times."
Dean nodded. "I can't promise I won't screw up again, but I'm gonna work on it. I promise."
"That's all I ask. I don't expect you to unlearn the habits of a lifetime overnight. I just want you to remember that I care about you. There is nothing you can't tell me, no part of yourself you can't show me. I love you."
"I love you too." Dean put his head down on Castiel's shoulder again, and they held each other in silence for a few moments. Then, as though by some unspoken agreement, they both sighed regretfully and let go at the same time. "I should get some sleep so I can actually be useful during our meeting tomorrow," Dean said.
"Oh, I actually rescheduled it to next week. I meant to text you and then I got distracted. I forgot that Claire's school is closed for Presidents' Day tomorrow, and Missouri isn't available to babysit because it's her granddaughter's birthday. It's for the best. This way you'll have plenty of time to rest and recover. Anna agreed to fill in for you for the rest of the week."
Dean opened his mouth, but Castiel cut him off.
"No arguments. You're taking the week off. That's an order from your boss. You are welcome at my apartment whenever you like, but you will not show your face at work until next week. Is that clear?"
Dean smirked. "Yes, chef. You're hot when you're bossy, you know. First time we met, when you growled at me, 'Who are you and what are you doing in my kitchen?'," he deepened his voice to imitate Castiel's rough timbre, "fuck, I thought I was gonna pop a boner right there in front of everyone."
It was Castiel's turn to blush. "Well, perhaps we can explore that kink when you're feeling better."
Dean's eyebrows rose. "Really? I thought you weren't into that kind of thing."
"I said that I don't find it arousing in its own right, but I do find giving you pleasure highly arousing, so if that's something you think you'd enjoy, I'm willing to give it a try. When you're recovered. For now, get some rest, spend time with Sam, and take care of yourself."
He resisted the urge to kiss Dean on the lips, less because of the risk of catching something and more because of the risk that they would end up humping each other against the wall of the hallway. Instead he contented himself with taking Dean's face between his hands and kissing the tip of his nose again. "Good night, my love. Sleep well."
"Night," Dean murmured. "Give Claire a hug from me in the morning, and tell her I love the cards. I'm gonna put them on my fridge."
"I'll tell her."
Dean stood in the doorway and watched Castiel walk down the stairs. It took every ounce of willpower Castiel had not to go back for a real kiss.
