SLACKERS
EPISODE XXV
THE WHOLE TIME
I was 22 years old when I won my fourth consecutive Pokemon League championship. Winning battles had come as naturally to me as simply participating. I'd hit the jackpot with my team and my support system, and I had been patient for many years beforehand. When I first competed as a kid, I was knocked out early, but I didn't let it deter me. Year after year begat loss after loss, however, and the succession of losses, culminating with an elimination in the final round in Galar when I was 18, were beginning to erode my confidence in battling. I knew I wasn't a bad trainer, though, and with more hard work and more willingness to rely on my support for help, I knew one day I could become unstoppable. In other words, the very best, like no one ever was.
I won my first championship at Indigo Plateau when Scorch knocked out an opposing Charizard. Sure, I'd have loved to use Mew, but Legendary and Mythical Pokemon are obviously against the rules. Thankfully he was still there as my biggest fan, and even though he wasn't able to battle in those matches, I know I never could have won any of them without Mew. What a lot of people don't realize is that, in addition to a trophy and bragging rights, there's a substantial cash prize that is awarded to the league champion. The first time I won, I spent all of it on a two-bedroom high rise condo in downtown Saffron City, near the hotel where Misty and I finally became an item.
We lived in that condo for five years. In fact, I still own it. When we moved to the penthouse in New Donk City above Slackers, I left the Saffron condo to my little sister Emily. She ended up living there for ten years, until she discovered she was actually Princess Zelda and permanently moved to Hyrule Castle to rule her people. The condo has been vacant for the last year, but we still maintain it and use it as a second home for whenever we're back in Kanto. Saffron is just down the road from Cerulean, so Misty will be staying there while she's visiting her sisters soon. They insisted she come by so they could throw her another baby shower. After all, she's due to pop anytime now.
So when I won my fourth competition, the first thing to come was, naturally, a series of interviews. I was the first trainer to win four years in a row, a record I hold to this day. After four straight wins, though, I figured enough was enough. I knew I'd cemented my legacy, and I didn't want to rob a generation of trainers of a chance to win. I'm glad I went that way, especially because of what happened a few days later, the night Misty and I got home from Indigo Plateau for the last time...
Saffron City. Ten years ago.
Our opening shot is of a pitch-black room, only lit up by city lights coming from the balcony window. We can faintly hear city sounds, mostly the sound of cars driving and honking their horns. We also hear a mild and pretty piano tune, but that's just for you, it doesn't actually exist in this world. It'd be kind of weird if it did. Anyway, we finally get a sense of life when we hear the sound of a key entering a lock, twisting the mechanism open, and the front door opening up directly into the living room.
Two people enter the condo: one of them is a long-haired man with a beard, in his early twenties, carrying a shiny trophy in one hand and pulling a suitcase with the other. He's dressed in a black leather biker jacket, jeans, and brown laced boots. Just behind him is a girl about his age, also with a suitcase in tow. She's in a pair of white running shorts and a turquoise hoodie. Her red-orange, chest-length hair is tied in a side ponytail, resting comfortably on her shoulder.
Mike: Ahhh, so good to be home!
Misty: Yeah, for real. I swear Indigo gets crazier every year. Makes even a busy city like Saffron seem calm and quiet.
Mike: Yet another reason I'm glad this was the last time.
Misty: I'm really proud of you for making that decision, by the way. It's so considerate of you to leave the pedestal open to other trainers.
Mike: Thanks, Mis. I'm really going to miss it, though. I kind of feel like part of my life is coming to an end.
Misty smiles at Mike as she closes and locks the front door.
Misty: Hey, you definitely left a legacy that will be hard to break. And everyone will always remember you as being one of the best champions Kanto has ever had. Plus, you'll always be the number one trainer in my heart.
Mike smiles at her.
Mike: Thank you, sweetheart.
He puts his hand on her back and pulls her in. They have a quick kiss and smile brightly.
Misty: What time is it? It feels so late...
Mike squints hard as he tries to read the clock on his kitchen microwave.
Mike: Uh... 11:15?
Misty: ... it's 1:40. You sure you don't need glasses?
Mike: I don't think so... is that clock hard to read for you?
Misty: Not even a little. Clear as day. Maybe we should get your eyes checked.
Mike: I guess so. I feel like I'd actually like the way I look in glasses.
Misty: Maybe. It would take me a while to get used to! We've been together for nine years and I've never seen you wear glasses.
Mike: Geez, nine years already? My god, time flies.
Misty: Sure does. I bet the next nine will fly even faster.
Mike: Maybe by then we'll even own a business and be surrounded by friends.
Misty: That sounds nice. I just hope it wouldn't come up with a whole bunch of negative or crazy consequences.
Mike: Nah, that'd never happen!
Mike takes both suitcases and rolls them to the bedroom while Misty takes off her hoodie and hangs it on a hook near the front door. She prepares two cups of hot tea and carries them to the balcony. She sets the cups on a little table on the balcony between two lounge chairs before laying down on one of the chairs. She gets comfortable, crosses her legs, and picks up a tea cup. She takes a sip of it and sighs contently, reveling in her boyfriend's most recent victory and enjoying the sprawling nighttime metropolis view.
She hears the sliding glass door behind her, and Mike joins her in the opposite chair. He takes the cup she's made for him and relaxes, enjoying the view with her.
Mike: Four years in a row. I still can't believe it.
Misty: It still hasn't sunk in after tons of interviews and people stopping you on the street everywhere we go?
Mike: I guess not.
They hold hands, resting those hands on the table between the chairs. They've been enjoying this view together for a few years, and they haven't gotten tired of it yet. He loves looking out into the city to gather his thoughts. Right now, the forefront of his mind is his analysis of the unknown future. Now that he won't be training for competitive battles anymore, he has no idea what he wants to do next. He figures he'll start with a year off, like a semi-retirement, and take his time figuring out where to go from here.
His train of thought is interrupted by his phone, an early smartphone, ringing.
Misty: Who's that?
Mike: It better not be a random number. I swear, if my phone got compromised again...
He looks at his phone. It is indeed a random number. But the area code is one he wasn't expecting, one he hasn't seen in a very long time.
Mike: *quietly* ... what the hell?
Misty: What is it?
Mike: It's a New Donk City number.
Misty: ... really? Your hometown?
Mike: Yeah... I wonder...
He figures after nine years of being away from the city of his origin, there can't be many people left who still have his phone number. Nevertheless, he answers the call, but gives no emotion so as to not give away his identity.
Mike: Hello?
Phone: ...
Mike: Helloooo?
Girl: ... um... hi...
He raises an eyebrow, confused as hell.
Mike: Um, who is this?
Girl: Is this... um, Mihalis Dualwielder?
Mike: I don't know. You first.
The girl on the other end of the phone sounds like she can't have even hit puberty yet. She sounds extremely nervous, maybe even a little scared.
Girl: My name is... um... Emily Dualwielder...
Mike spits out the hot tea he had been drinking and drops his phone. Misty jumps a little at the sight.
Misty: *silently* You okay?
Mike looks at Misty, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head, before picking up his phone off the floor.
Emily: Hello? Hello?
Mike: Uh, yeah. I'm here. Did you say Emily Dualwielder?
Misty tilts her head. She doesn't recognize that name at all.
Emily: Yes, sir... um... can I talk to you about something?
Mike: *uneasy* Sure...
Emily: Well... I saw you on TV at the orphanage, and you're the only one I've ever seen with the same last name as me... are we family, or something?
Mike: Wait.
He leaps up from his chair and leans against the balcony rail, careful not to hold his phone over the ground hundreds of feet below.
Mike: Did... did you say "orphanage?"
Emily: *sadly* Yes.
Orphanage? Why the hell would she be there? What happened to...
Mike: How old are you?
Emily: I'm ten.
Mike pauses to do some mental math. If she's ten, that would have made her a year old when he ran away from home to become a Pokemon trainer.
The same age his baby sister was the last time he saw her, before he ran away.
Misty: Mike, who is that? Who are you talking to?
Mike: It's... it's my-
Emily: Are you there?
Mike: Yeah yeah, I'm here. Why are you in an orphanage? Where are my-your parents?
Emily: I don't know. I've never had parents.
Mike: What? Really?
His first thought is, of course, wondering what the hell happened to them. He figures he'll come around to that question at a better time.
Emily: Yeah, but I'm not in the orphanage anymore. I ran away so I could find a phone.
Mike: You're telling me you're using a random phone somewhere in New Donk City by yourself? Are you insane?!
Emily: I snuck some change from a field trip jar and left when no one was looking, I'm using one of those phones you put money in.
He facepalms.
Mike: How'd you get my number?
Emily: I pushed the "zero" button to get the operator. I kind of guessed, because on TV they called you "Mihalis Dualwielder of Saffron City."
Mike: Huh. You're really resourceful. But you can't be out at a public payphone by yourself at your age!
Emily: Don't Pokemon trainers leave home when they're my age?
Mike: Are you a Pokemon trainer?
Emily: Well... no... but... I want to be...
Mike sighs as he fishes Mew's Poke Ball from his pocket.
Mike: Where are you right now? What does the closest street sign say?
Emily: Um... Third Avenue and Cranky Street.
Misty: Mike, who the hell IS that?
Mike looks at Misty, still kind of panicked, then out at the city. He takes a very long, deep breath, then closes his eyes.
Mike: Listen to me very carefully, Emily.
Emily: Okay...
Mike: You're right. We are related. I'm your older brother.
Misty: *silently, eyes wide open* What the fuuuuck?
Emily: Really?!
The little girl sounds completely ecstatic on the phone.
Mike: This is very important. Stay exactly where you are, do not move. I'm sending someone to come get you right now.
Emily: Right now? How? Don't you live really far away?
Mike: Don't worry about that. In one minute, you're going to see a small, pink Pokemon who can fly and kind of looks like a cat. Look for him, talk to him, and do what he tells you.
Emily: Okay...
Mike: Repeat that back.
Emily: Look for a little pink Pokemon, do what he says, and don't leave this spot?
Mike: Perfect. We'll talk more soon, okay?
Emily: Okay, big brother.
Mike hangs up the phone and stares at Misty.
Mike: You're never going to believe this...
Slackers. Present day.
The front door to the bar opens, and a dark elf with a genuine yet goofy grin strides through, bound for the source of the evening's libations. On his way there, he passes a number of semi-familiar faces, giving them quick bows of his head, before he reaches his destination.
Mare: Mister Wario!
The short, pudgy, mustached bartender turns around, his back to the TV, to greet his customer.
Wario: Marikoth Reyquin. It's been a long time!
Mare: Well, the last time we had a drink together, you ended up getting smashed on pirate grog.
Wario: You know it! I pulled some strings, and now I'm able to source that for Slackers!
He takes out a half-liter mug and fills it up using his newest tap, which is attached to an aged barrel. Some truly potent stuff is poured into the mug for his personal consumption, which he shows off with pride.
Wario: Pretty cool, huh?
Mare: That is pretty cool. You know me, though. Gotta stick to my usual.
Wario: Ah, one elvish mead, made snappy, lest I get an arrow through my face or my arm removed?
Mare: Arrow through the face if you don't have elvish mead, amputation if you don't have enough yeast rolls.
Wario: ... what if I don't have any yeast rolls at all?
Mare: Then there's none in a one-mile radius, my yeast roll senses don't tingle, and your arm doesn't come off.
Wario: Works for me. One elvish mead coming right up!
Wario pours the elvish mead into a fancy wooden mug Marikoth keeps in one of the new Slackers Elite Club lockers. Some beer halls in Germany have this system to where you can rent a locker to keep your preferred stein, and it'll be used when you visit that establishment. Mike saw this and absolutely loved it, so he has implemented it at Slackers. Surprisingly, it's brought in a decent amount of money, and even more shocking is the fact that he, Wario, Knuckles, and Mew all liked the idea. It takes a miracle to get all four of them to agree on something.
Mare: Thank you sir! To your good health.
Wario: Thank you.
They clink their mugs and each take a large swig before slamming them down on the bar. A speedy blue hedgehog notices this scene from his table, and he meanders towards them to join in.
Sonic: I see Mare got a stein for the lockers.
Wario: Yep!
Sonic: That looks neat, I haven't seen a wooden one yet.
Mare: It's made from Morrowind Bitter Coast trees and ebony. What about you, you got one here too?
Sonic: Nah, I haven't bought one yet. I'd like to, I just haven't found one that's really "me."
Wario: Know what you should do? Next time you scrap an Eggman robot you should take the coolest pieces from it and have a blacksmith turn it into a mug.
Mare: Ooh, that'd be pretty cool!
Sonic shrugs, looking mildly impressed.
Sonic: Not a bad idea.
In the meantime, Wario fills up a generic bar glass and tops of it off with Sonic's drink of choice: Ditto juice. Don't ask why he likes it so much. The guys think it's strange too. Once Wario has served Sonic, he goes for his phone and taps the screen a few times. A song comes on the speakers. It's a really catchy, Egyptian-themed song made famous by a rather infamous video parody of a feline Animal Crossing character.
Wario: Awww yeah!
Mare: What's this?
Mare catches himself bobbing his head to the tune.
Wario: It's this awesome new song I found on the internet called "Camel By Camel."
Sonic: Why does it sound so familiar? I swear I've seen it in a video or something...
Wario: Nope. No video. Don't know what you're talking about. Just a cool song.
The guys hear the front door opening, and turn to see whom it might be approaching them. The next bar patron to arrive is none other than...
Knuckles: Evening, everybody.
Everyone: Knuuuux!
Wario: How's life treating you, Mr. Echidna?
Knuckles: Like a hammer treats a nail.
He takes a seat next to Marikoth, then freezes in place before glaring at Wario.
Knuckles: Seriously, again?!
Wario: What?
Knuckles: That's the twelvth time I've heard you play that stupid song on the speakers. Play something different!
Wario: No! I like this one! It's awesome! Camel, by camel... duh nuh nuh, DUH, duh nuh!
Knuckles slams his head onto the bar table repeatedly.
Saffron City
Mike: You sure you're gonna be alright? I know how overbearing they can be.
Misty: I've made it nine months without a single cup of coffee. I think I can handle my sisters for a week.
Mew: A week of Daisy, Lilly, and Violet, without caffeine. You're definitely the bravest of us all.
Misty: *smiling* I know!
Mike, Misty, and Mew are in the Saffron condo, where he is helping unpack her suitcase. She is staying in Kanto for several days so her three older sisters can throw her another baby shower.
Mew: I'm surprised you're staying here instead of Cerulean.
Misty: Well, since Emily moved out, it's just been sitting here empty. Plus I'd really rather have my privacy in a familiar setting.
Mew: True. I'm guessing having to stay at the gym with them while super pregnant isn't an ideal situation.
Misty: Naw, you think?
Mew: How does it feel having the old house back?
She looks around to refamiliarize herself with her surroundings.
Misty: A little strange, but nostalgic too. We've made a lot of good memories together here.
Mike: Yep.
Mike is remembering walking home with a trophy in hand four distinct times. While he reminisces, he finishes unloading the suitcase's contents into the bedroom dresser, zips up the suitcase, and stashes it in the corner of their old bedroom.
Mike: All set, babe.
He walks up to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.
Mike: You gonna be alright?
Misty: I should be asking you the same thing. If you and Mew are staying in New Donk alone, we'll need to set some ground rules.
Mike: I know...
Misty: No wild, drunken parties.
Mike: I know...
Misty: No Pokemon battles in the living room.
Mike: I know...
Misty: No sleeping in the bed without using the bidet first.
Mew snickers and covers his mouth.
Mike: I know. "Mike, you never use that thing, we bought it for a reason, you know..."
Misty smiles and gives Mike a giant hug, which he returns.
Misty: I'll be fine, don't worry about me. I promise, I'll call you if I need you, okay?
Mike: Okay...
She stands on her tiptoes to bring her face to his, and they kiss. She then backs away as Mike and Mew begin to emit a white glow.
Mike: Have fun, Misty. Tell the girls I said hi!
Misty: I will!
The light shines brightly, then fades, leaving empty space where Mike and Mew used to be. Misty lets out a long sigh and completely relaxes her body.
Misty: Finally...
She plops herself on the bed in an unladylike fashion, and within seconds, she's snoring.
Slackers
Speakers: Do you belieeeeve in life after loooove...
Knuckles: AAAAAAAAHHH!
He punches one of the bar speakers, hard enough for it to explode and produce little electric shocks.
Wario: Goddammit Knuckles, what's it going to take for you to stop vandalizing the place every day?
Knuckles: You are the world's shittiest DJ!
Sonic: No, the world's shittiest DJ is Figran D'an.
Mare: Who?
Sonic: The guy who leads the live music at the Mos Eisley Cantina.
Mare: Ohhhhh. I guess that makes sense.
Knuckles: No it doesn't! He's not a DJ, he's a musician. Albeit an extremely repetitive one.
Wario: That still counts!
Knuckles: No it doesn't.
Wario: Yes it does!
Knuckles: No it doesn't.
Wario: Yes it does!
Knuckles: Doesn't!
Wario: Does!
Knuckles: Doesn't!
Wario: Does!
Knuckles: Doesn't! And besides, I said the WORLD'S shittiest DJ. Tatooine is another world. Ergo, that makes it you.
Wario: Oh yeah? Well... you fight like a cow!
Sonic: ... huh?
Mare: Don't ask.
The guys notice a bright flash coming from the small opening at the bottom of the closed lounge door.
Sonic: Well, looks like they're back.
Wario: Thanks for the warning.
The door opens, and Mike walks out with his arms outstretched above his head, accompanied by his Mew floating behind him as they head for the bar.
Mike: Evenin', y'all.
Wario: There he is, a free man for a whole week!
Mare: Party at Mike's tonight!
Sonic: I'm in!
Knuckles: I'm not.
Wario: No one asked you, knucklehead.
Knuckles: *groan and eye roll*
Mike holds out his hands in front of them, making a "back off" gesture.
Mike: Guys, we're not having a party in the penthouse.
Sonic: Aw, why not?
Mike: For one thing, the first floor of my house is a bar. You know, with chairs, tables, and drinks and stuff.
Mare: But your house has the best view in town!
Mike: It's also spotless and I promised Misty it would stay that way.
Mare: Aw...
Mew: What are you acting all butthurt for? We're all here, together, at the bar now. Isn't that enough?
Mare folds his arms.
Mare: Maybe I wanted to hang out on your balcony.
Mew: Maybe you wanted to use it as a vantage point to snipe the guy who cut in line at the bakery.
Mare: ... maybe.
Wario: Mare, is there anything more to you than yeast rolls and shooting people?
Mare: Hey! I'll have you know I'm also a skilled doctor and carpenter.
Sonic: Come to think of it, why are they called carpenters? Shouldn't they be framers or woodworkers? Carpenters make things out of wood, not carpet.
Wario: Yeah, I know, our language sucks. We've already been over this a million times.
Mare: I keep telling you, you guys should learn Elvish. It's so much more fluid and there's much less fluff.
Knuckles: Wario could definitely do with less fluff.
Wario: HEY!
Mike: Where does the word come from, though? Carpentry. CAR-pen-tree. Car-PEN-tree? Any word sounds weird if you think about it enough.
Emily: Actually, the word "carpentry" comes from the Latin "carpentarius," meaning "maker of a carriage."
Mike: Gotcha, thanks, Emmy.
Mike shakes his head rapidly, does a double take, and looks behind him. There stands Emily, a backpack slung over her right shoulder, and a legendary jade Pokemon hovering behind her.
Mike: Wait, EMMY?!
All the other guys drop their jaws and stare.
Sonic, Knuckles, Wario, & Mare: EMILY?!
Well, all except Mew.
Mew: Celebi!
He races to her and hugs her tight, causing them to both spin midair. He then notices the guys giving him a smirk, his cheeks glow bright red, and he lets go.
Mew: Um, I mean... uh... good to see you...?
Celebi: Good to see you too, Mewy.
Mike blinks rapidly and looks awkwardly at his Pokemon.
Mike & Wario: ... "Mewy?"
Mew starts forcing a chuckle.
Mew: *through fake laughter* Is that supposed to be me? Weird, right?
Celebi: You're so cute when you're all flustered.
"Flustered" is an accurate word. The two of them stare at each other, randomly changing their facial expressions.
Sonic: ... what are they doing?
Mike: Communicating telepathically.
Sonic: What do you think they're saying?
Mike: Hmm...
He rubs his chin.
Mike: If I had to guess, I'd say Mew is screaming at Celebi to stop calling him pet names in front of all of us, and she's telling him to quit overreacting and accept her love. Especially because he wanted it so badly.
Emily: Awww...
She turns to look at Mew and Celebi, whom finally notice the attention they're getting. They promptly warp away to an unknown destination, and Emily looks back at the others. They immediately quit staring at her, look in any direction but hers, and begin whistling casually. Definitely has nothing to do with the confused look from Emily. Or the pissed off look from her big brother.
Emily: Everything okay?
Sonic: Yep. Totally fine.
Knuckles: Mhm.
Wario: No problems here.
Mare: We're all good.
Emily: I need to come here more often. Everyone is always so nice to me!
Mike: Hate to break it to you, but there's a reason for their "kindness."
Emily: Hm? What do you mean?
Mike opens his mouth, but decides it would be better not to answer. It probably wouldn't sound very nice if he said their manners came from the fact that they were all attracted to a 5'2" fit 21-year-old brunette with a baby face and a sweet smile, wearing tight jeans and a form-fitting pink hoodie.
Knuckles: Come to think of it, this is the first time any of us has seen you since we found out you were actually Princess Zelda. How has it been running a kingdom?
Emily freezes up for a moment, but quickly puts on a smile.
Emily: Terrific! The support has been great, and the people seem really happy.
Knuckles: That's good to hear. You seem like your normal self, despite being a princess.
Emily: Yep... that's me...
Mike raises an eyebrow, sensing something amiss.
Mike: Hey, the lounge is open, let's go catch up for a bit while you're here.
Sonic: How did you get here, anyway? You just kind of randomly popped up.
Emily: Celebi teleported us.
She looks to her brother, then to the door of the lounge. She takes a long, deep breath.
Emily: Yeah, let's talk.
She heads for the lounge, and Mike begins to follow her. While her attention is on the door, he quickly turns around and glares evilly at all the guys watching her walk. They resume their nonchalant whistling. He angrily points a finger at them, silently warning them to quit simping on his sister. They then disappear into the lounge, closing the door behind them.
Wario: What a babe...
Knuckles clocks Wario upside the head.
Wario: Ow...
Mare: Don't be a hypocrite, Knux. You know damn well that you find her attractive too.
Knuckles: Of course I do. Everyone does. But I'm not a freaking 40s cartoon wolf drooling over her at every opportunity.
Sonic: I'm with Knuckles. She deserves to be treated with the same respect as any of the rest of us, no matter how hot she is!
Mare: If he's a hypocrite, then you're just plain transparent...
Wario: Two flaws in your logic, Sonic. One, none of us really deserves respect if you think about it.
Knuckles: True.
Wario: Two, you're just saying that because you're madly in love with her.
Sonic: I am not!
The Lounge
Mike enters the room, closing the door behind him and turning on a low, warm light. Emily plops down on the sofa, laying down comfortably, her head on the armrest closest to Mike's recliner. There aren't many places that feel as warm and welcoming as the owner's-only lounge at Slackers. It's a model room for a comfortable atmosphere, especially for Mike and his friends. Many a game of Smash Bros has been played here, and an untold amount of hours have been spent watching TV and talking about absolutely nothing. Most of it being Mew indulging in his obsession with Planet Kanto. For Emily, it's a seldom-visited hideaway where she doesn't need to put on an act for anybody, rivaled only by the Saffron condo where she used to live.
There aren't many places this comforting in Hyrule Castle.
She stretches her arms and yawns, allowing herself to feel as lazy as possible.
Emily: Ugh... so good to be back...
Mike takes a seat in the same recliner, letting out a deep sigh. Every time he sits here, he perfectly fits the cushion that has contorted to the shape of his ass after many years of lounging. He notices how laid-back Emily is looking on the nearby couch. It's unusual seeing the normally peppy, fully-charged girl looking so exhausted.
Mike: I'm sure you haven't had your hands full at all, princess.
Emily: Seriously, it's way more work than I thought it would be.
Mike: I remember you telling me some of this on the phone a while back. Is it really that bad over there?
Emily rolls over to face the TV even though it's turned off.
Emily: No, I didn't say it was bad. Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy to be doing it.
Mike: But?
She sighs.
Emily: I guess I didn't realize how busy I would be, you know, ruling a country.
Mike: Yeah. Going from Saffron Blackbelt to Princess of Hyrule is a bit more of a promotion than most people would get.
Emily: Right? It's like I'm a completely different person living in a completely different world. It's really weird.
Mike: Well, it is a completely different world, alright. But a different person?
Emily: Yessss. Even my name. Everyone calls me "Princess" or "Zelda" there. I mean, I understand how important it is, but sometimes I think about going back to just being Emily. Hell, I didn't even know my name was Zelda until I moved to Hyrule!
Mike: If it helps, that hasn't changed as far as I'm concerned.
Emily: Thanks, Mike...
She rolls onto her back and tilts her neck as far back as she can, looking at him, upside-down from her point of view.
Emily: I was wondering if I could... I don't know, stay here for a while?
He casually glances in her direction. He hadn't expected her wanting to stay overnight, as she hasn't done so in many years.
Mike: You sure you want to stay at Slackers with a bunch of filthy degenerates?
Emily: Oh, stop. You guys are great. A bit goofy, sure, and Wario's definitely a special nutcase, but I feel like I have my own bodyguards when I'm around you. I know any of you guys would do anything for me, and it makes me really happy. I appreciate it so much.
Mike scratches the back of his head.
Mike: Bodyguards? What, do you think you're going to need protection or something?
Emily: Probably not, but it'd be nice to hang out with familiar faces and have no responsibilities for a few days.
Mike: I understand that completely. Yeah, of course you can stay. Stay as long as you want.
Emily: Yay! I packed a bag, just in case. I can't wait to sleep on this couch.
Mike: The hell you can't. You're staying in my room, I'll take the couch.
Emily: You don't have to...
Mike: Come on, sure I do. You're my guest. Plus I like it down here. My recliner is just as comfy as my bed, and Mew and I can stay up late playing video games.
Emily: Maybe I want to stay up late and play video games too.
Mike: Not with us, you don't. Mew and I... we get competitive. Like, super competitive. Lots of... racial slurs and other horrible, forbidden things get spoken.
Emily: So? It's not like I haven't seen you in full on rage mode before.
Mike is clearly a little uncomfortable with the idea. After all, he took Emily in when she was ten and practically raised her.
Mike: I guess I'm not sure how I feel about you being in the middle of all of the dumb shit we do. You've been through a lot lately and I want to keep you safe.
Emily: Mike, when are you gonna stop treating me like a little kid? I am grown up, you know.
Mike: I thought you liked it when I did that!
Emily's face contorts to looking like she wants to shriek. She brings her knees to her chest, holding them with both arms while still lying on her back.
Emily: Well... I... sometimes, yeah, but...
She knows he's aware of her tendencies to regress and act like a little kid, but she wants to be taken seriously nonetheless. On the other hand, he knows how much responsibility has been foisted upon her recently, and he's already mentally preparing for Emily to shut her brain off and go into full on little sister mode.
Mike: I get it, Emmy. Sure you're my baby sister and you always will be, but I know you've grown up.
She looks at him while he sighs.
Mike: Sure, you can hang out with us as much as you'd like.
Emily: Awesome!
Mike: But no getting drunk, understand? You may be old enough to drink now, but I'm not going to have you completely shitfaced at my home. Understood?
Emily: Yes sir...
Mike: Good.
That night...
Wario: Wait, what?
Emily: Yep!
Wario: You seriously can't expect me to believe you've never had alcohol in your whole life.
Emily: Never.
Mare: Why not?
Emily: Well, I only turned 21 pretty recently, and I just haven't had time to give it a try since I took my new job.
Mike: She wants to join us tonight, so you guys all need to be on your best behavior.
He folds his arms and glares at everybody one by one.
Mike: And I mean it this time.
Sonic: Come on, when do we ever misbehave?
Everyone: ...
Knuckles: It's amazing how we're somehow never able to run out of stupid questions.
Emily: Hey Mike?
Mike: Yes?
Emily: Can my first drink be from you as my bartender?
Wario looks on enviously.
Mike: Me? Sure, but how come?
Emily: I... well, I just thought it would be cool coming from you.
Mike smiles.
Mike: I'd be honored.
He leaps over the bar and tries to stick a cool landing, but misses as he catches his foot and falls on his face.
Wario: Wahahaha!
Mike: Uhhhh...
He slowly stands up, a little embarrassed while the others are snickering. The only ones not hiding their laughter are Wario and Emily, although hers isn't meant to be mean, while Wario is very obviously grateful for an opportunity to laugh boisterously at his business partner's expense. Mike groans, dusts himself off, and leans on the server's side of the bar, facing his newest customer.
Mike: So. What'll it be?
Emily: Well, what do you have?
Sonic: Oh boy.
Emily: What?
Knuckles: Most bars have a near endless combination of drinks they can make for you. Slackers especially. The place isn't fancy by any measure, but Mike and Wario can make almost anything in your wildest dreams.
Wario: You know it!
He and Mike high five.
Emily: I'm confused. Weren't you guys arguing and laughing at each other earlier?
Mike: Well, yeah. But only because it's fun. Guys just do that. Wario and I rip each other to shreds all the time, but it doesn't mean we don't like each other.
Wario: You know what? I think I've got the perfect first drink for Miss Dualwielder here.
Wario turns around and combines all sorts of different colored liquids into a shaker. Emily watches in curiosity as Wario shakes his concoction, and even tosses it high in the air to make a perfect catch, giving off a dazzling, egotistical smile that makes Knuckles want to punch himself. Wario pours his new original drink into a glass from a height that equals his entire arm span, and finishes it off with a little decorative umbrella before gently placing the pink/red, fruity drink in front of Emily.
Wario: Here you go!
Emily: What's that?
Wario: My very own creation, the Twilight Princess! Made in honor of my buddy's little sister, Princess Zelda.
Mike: Whoa.
Two thoughts cross his mind. One, he is genuinely impressed with Wario's surprising mixology skills. Two, he's still getting used to the fact that he is technically Zelda's brother.
Knuckles: What's in it?
Wario: Aged Hyrulean rum, triple sec, cranberry juice, peach liqueur, and an umbrella.
Sonic: That sounds REALLY good. I'll have one too, War!
Knuckles: And me, I'm curious to try.
Mike: What the hell, me too.
Mare: Can't be the odd man out... er, elf.
Wario pours five more glasses, including one for himself, before holding his out in front of everyone, preparing for a toast.
Wario: Emily, this one's for you, to your proper welcome to Slackers!
Everyone: Cheers!
They clink their glasses and each a drink. Naturally, everyone is drawn to Emily to see her reaction. She thinks for a moment, then her eyes go wider than a hibernating Snorlax and she shakes her head rapidly. The sensation of the multiple mixed flavors and the smooth rum send a shiver through her body.
Mike: You good?
Emily: Whoa. That's good. Really good. Thanks, Wario!
Wario: Anytime, kid.
He points both of his index fingers at her and smirks.
Knuckles: I gotta hand it to you. You may be dumb as a bag of rocks sometimes, but you're one hell of a mixologist.
Wario: And you may be as assholic as a YouTube commenter sometimes, but you're one hell of a customer.
About an hour passes as we are presented with a montage of the evening's events, the Slackers theme song playing in the background. Oh yeah, the theme song. I forgot to mention 24 episodes ago that it's "Dilapidated Way" from Sonic Adventure. You know, the music that plays when you suck at pinball and get dumped into the sewer? It was the first thing that came to mind, and for me, it just fit perfectly. Go on YouTube and put it on so you can better picture what's going on. Just watch out for the commenters.
Emily is getting along very well with everybody. She's smiling and laughing more than we've ever seen, no one's making comments about her being hot, and even Mike has loosened up. You can tell by her facial expressions that she's delighted to be sitting in a bar, hanging out with friends, talking about absolutely nothing, and not having to care for any responsibilties for a while. The end of the montage shows her smiling brightly, her thankful eyes looking at Mike. He catches the look and responds with a similar gesture, feeling very warm and happy to have her nearby.
The lively conversations are interrupted by one of the bar's owners taking a microphone on stage and addressing the crowd.
Wario: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to karaoke night at Slackers!
Everyone claps, including the guys by the bar. Emily is especially curious, as she's never seen the weekly karaoke event hosted by Slackers before. Wario is holding a list in one hand, the stage microphone in the other.
Wario: I wanna say thanks to everyone who signed up for tonight. For our first singer, please give it up for... Wolf O'Donnell?
Everyone claps, but Mike and Wario look confused and a little irritated. Wolf walks up to the stage, bows, and basks in the spotlight.
Wario: Dammit Wolf, you can't be on stage!
Wolf: Oh? Last I checked, I was on stage.
Wario: No, dumbass, you're the bouncer! You're supposed to be guarding the front door!
Wolf: Aw, come on, please? Just one song?
Wario groans and rolls his eyes.
Wario: ... fine. One song, then get back to work!
Wario grumbles as he stomps off stage, and Wolf proceeds to sing, what else, "Bark at the Moon."
Knuckles: Again? Doesn't he know anything else?
Wario: Just leave it. The music will get better soon, anyway.
Knuckles: Why? Who else is on the list?
Wario: Oh, no one special...
Wario tries to look innocent, but fails spectacularly as he only comes across as suspicious. Knuckles thinks for a moment, then puts his head in his hands as he realizes what's coming.
Knuckles: I hate you, Wario...
Wolf: Awoooooo!
Wario stays on the customer's side of the bar and grins, as if preparing something sinister. Meanwhile, Emily is sitting on a barstool, between Sonic and Marikoth. Mike is on the server's side, his attention going back and forth between his friends and his bouncer's amateur stage performance.
Mike: How you feeling, Emmy?
Emily: I'm so happy! I love this, I can't believe I've never done this with you guys before!
Her first liquor-induced buzz has brought her to a state of near euphoria. She's been ordering drinks left and right and putting them on the house tab, but Mike has been putting less and less rum in each drink. Her current one is missing the main ingredient altogether, but she can't tell. He feels a little bad for deceiving her, but he also doesn't want her to overdo it, or risk having her possibly black out or poison her body.
Sonic: You're handling yourself well.
Mike winks at Sonic while Emily isn't looking, and the hedgehog immediately gets it. Up on the stage, Wolf gives one final howl at the end of the song before Wario approaches the microphone.
Wario: Alright, that was Wolf O'Donnell. Just to clear the air, I pay him to bounce, not to sing.
Wolf growls as he stomps back to the front door.
Wario: Next up, I want to present a very special treat to you all.
Knuckles: Oh no...
Wario: The next performer is...
Knuckles: I swear to God, if he does what I think he's about to do...
Wario: Me! Singing this awesome new song I heard the other day!
Knuckles: That's it, I'm leaving.
Sonic: Oh no you don't. We're here for Emily, and if we have to suffer through it, so do you!
The familiar Egyptian music blasts from the stage speakers, and Wario begins doing a dance one might expect to see accompanying Camel By Camel.
Knuckles: Booooo!
Sonic elbows Knuckles in the ribs, making him flinch and grumble.
Mike: Not gonna lie, this is making me want to go smoke a Camel.
Emily: You do that and I text Misty!
Mike: Dammit...
Nevertheless, he takes the vape out of his pocket and takes a long, long drag. Emily looks at him disapprovingly before turning her attention back to Wario and swaying to the music. At one point, she even stands up and starts dancing. And, of course, Sonic, Mare, and Knuckles can't look away.
Emily, drunk for the first time ever, finds herself enjoying the whole thing, and even begins cheering. Mike is happy to see her so lively, but he's never seen her this loose before. It might be time to encourage her to try something she could potentially enjoy.
Mike: Hey, Emmy...
The song ends, and the audience reaction is mixed.
Wario: Thank you, thank you! I do accept tips from all colors and creeds, except Scambiyoids.
Crowd: Huh?
A single Scambiyoid angrily rises from his chair, grumbles, and leaves without closing out his tab.
Wario: Anyway, next up is... hm...
He looks at the sheet and sees the number three slot has been scribbled out, freeing up a time slot.
Wario: Looks like someone changed their mind about coming up, so we've got an opening. Any takers out there?
A lightbulb spontaneously flashes over Mike's head, as his face indicates he has an idea.
Mike: I have an idea!
Knuckles: What is it?
Mike: I need to get some smart LED bulbs!
He points to where the light connects to the ceiling.
Knuckles: Oh.
Mike: Also, Emmy should take that spot!
Emily: What?! ME?!
Sonic: Hey yeah, you totally should! I bet you've never sung karaoke before.
Emily: You guys are crazy, I'm not singing in front of people!
Mike: What are you talking about? You have a great voice! I've heard you sing hundreds of times.
Emily: Yeah, but not in public!
Mare: Come on Emily! You'll be great!
Knuckles says nothing, but he does smile at her, indicating he agrees with everyone.
Wario: Anyone?
Emily: But I, I...
Mike nods his head, hoping she'll take advantage of her buzz and sum up the courage to go up and wow the crowd. She looks at that stage, having imagined herself singing in front of an audience before, but never being put in a place to actually do it. She looks back at Mike, and immediately decides what song she's going to sing. She closes her eyes and sighs.
Emily: Oh, alright, fine...
She raises her hand and Wario spots it. Immediately he looks way too excited, until he notices the evil glare from his business partner and clears his throat.
Wario: Next up, give it up for Emily!
She closes her eyes and whimpers before taking a quick breath and running up to the stage. She walks up the steps to stand next to Wario and weakly waves to the cheering crowd.
Wario: What are you gonna sing for us?
Emily looks absolutely petrified on stage. By now she's completely comfortable with public speaking, given her new job, but public singing is an entirely different beast she has yet to tame. She nervously whispers something into Wario's ear, and he nods. Without saying anything else, he walks off the stage, the lights dim, and a single blue light shines on her as the music starts. It's a 90BPM ballad in E Major, beginning with a simple acoustic guitar riff. She takes deep breaths to calm herself down, and she begins singing.
Emily:
When I knew you long ago
Saw that look in your eyes
I should have noticed sooner
They're as beautiful as the sky
Something I was blind to
Something I could not see
How on earth it slipped by
How you got past me
The guys are completely blown away by her voice. She is singing her heart out beautifully, and she is swaying to the slow but passionate music.
Emily:
We were close but we were distant
And we didn't have a clue
Where our lives would take us
What we wanted to do
I let what was a good thing
Fade away like dying stars
But now I see the starlight
Shining from afar
Before continuing to the chorus, she finally opens her eyes and looks directly at Mike.
Emily:
Hey you, I wanna know you
I wanna know everything about you
I wanna know what I can do
To make you happy
Hey you, I wanna see you
All I want is to be beside you
It's amazing when you find
He's been there the whole time
He looks back at her, a huge smile full of pride on his face. His eyes begin filling with tears as he feels incredibly moved by the performance. Knuckles catches this in the corner of his eye and quietly speaks to Mike.
Knuckles: Hey, are you okay?
Mike: Hm? Oh yeah, all good. Fine.
Knuckles: You sure?
Mike: Yeah, I'm just impressed. And really proud.
Knuckles: You should be. She's incredible!
Mike: I know...
During the song's final chorus, Emily starts dancing more comfortably. She's taking steps left and right, swaying her body to the beat, clutching the microphone with both hands, looking more and more natural with each passing measure. It almost seems too professional for karaoke, as there are murmurs among the crowd that this is the best singer they've ever seen at Slackers. Everyone at the bar is going along somehow. Knuckles is tapping his foot, while Sonic and Marikoth are bobbing their heads. When the song ends, the audience goes ballistic with cheers, even giving her a standing ovation. Emily looks around to humbly soak up all the praise, but in the end, she is only looking at her brother, who is giving her a thumbs up instead of a clap. Wario walks back up, but trips on the stairs on his way, causing a collective fit of laughter.
Mike: Hah! I knew I wasn't the only clumsy one here!
Sonic: You got that right. Hey Knuckles, think fast!
The speedy hedgehog punches his own palm one inch in front of Knuckles' face within a tenth of a second, causing the echidna to flinch and flail.
Sonic: Hehe!
Knuckles: Quit doing that!
Elsewhere, beyond the sea of impressed fans, stands a short, pudgy Italian taking the microphone from the bar's star performer.
Wario: Wow, I think we can all agree that was absolutely spectacular. Let's give another hand to Emily!
Every single person at Slackers does exactly that as she smiles, giggles a bit, and runs off the stage to her old bar stool. She is warmly greeted by all of her friends standing up and approaching her, stars in all their eyes.
Sonic: Emily, that was incredible!
Mare: I had no idea you could sing like that!
Knuckles: Good job, kiddo!
Emily: Thanks guys! God, that was scary.
She takes her seat, returns to her drink, and looks at Mike.
Mike: I'm so proud of you, Emmy. You were amazing!
She beams at hearing him say that.
Wario: Coming up next, we've got Sonic the Hedgehog singing "Unknown from M.E!"
Knuckles' expression goes completely blank as Sonic smugly speeds up to the stage while the crowd resumes clapping.
Knuckles: What.
Sonic: Thank you, thank you everyone, I know, I'm awesome…
Mike: He never passes up an opportunity to mess with you, doesn't he?
Knuckles: Nope. He does not.
Some time later…
Mare: Three, two, one, shot!
Karaoke night is over, and the bar's usual soundtrack has resumed playback on the speakers. Currently it's retrowave dance music, one of Mike's new obsessions. Mare, Knuckles, Sonic, Wario, Mike, and Emily each down a small glass of Cyrodilian Brandy. This is, by far, the strongest thing she's had all night. She shakes her head, and the look on her face can tell anybody she's definitely feeling its effects.
Emily: Whoo! That was strong!
Mare: Emily, I'm glad you came by to join us.
He puts an arm on her shoulders, but not in a flirty way. More like the way he would show appreciation for one of his fellow men. Knuckles is surprised that it's not pissing Mike off, but he can tell it's genuine admiration rather than the typical hormonal rages the guys get when they see her.
Sonic: Yeah, you're so much fun to hang out with!
Emily: You mean, apart from helping you bust these two guys out of Mike's dad's secret lair?
Mike: That was a core memory for you, wasn't it?
Emily: Totally. That and rescuing Mew from the Egg Carrier. I'm so used to adventuring with you guys, but I think this is the first time I've just hung out at your bar with you. I'm so happy!
Knuckles: Not to mention you knocked the audience dead with your singing.
She runs up to Knuckles and gives him a giant hug, enough to nearly knock the wind out of him. Mike notices how her first night of drinking is affecting her boundaries, and considers calling it a night.
Then his partner beats him to it by taking the stage to close out the night, the same way he does every single night of business.
Wario: Alright, everyone! It's that time of the night. You know the drill. Have a good night, get home safe, and…
He puffs his chest as he takes a deep breath.
Wario: GET THE FUCK OUT!
Usual night's responses. Some newcomers are offended. Most laugh. Some are confused. Either way, customers close out their tabs with Mike one by one and file through the door. Sonic and Marikoth are at the end of the line.
Mare: Night, War.
Wario: Night, buddy. Get the fuck out.
Sonic: *smiling* Good night, you fat asshole!
Wario: Night, you spiky blue freak. Get the fuck out.
They do. Then Wario turns to the three people remaining.
Wario: Can you lock up? I gotta go home and wax.
Normally Emily would be grossed out, but she actually laughs. The others… don't.
Mike: Ew.
Knuckles: Gross.
Wario gets the fuck out and locks the door behind him.
Mike: Good timing. I think our little princess has had enough.
Emily: Aw, but I'm having fun…
Knuckles: I had a lot of fun, too. It was really great hanging out with you both.
Mike: Careful Knux, you keep that up and I might start to believe you have feelings.
Knuckles: In your wildest dreams, dude.
Emily goes for another hug, which he accepts. He then takes a Chaos Shard out of his glove and closes his eyes.
Knuckles: Chaos Control!
A bright green flash, Knuckles warps out, and then there were two.
Mike: Well? You have a fun night?
Emily: Are you kidding? I haven't had that much fun in years! I want to do it more!
He can tell that she is still clearly intoxicated by how loudly she's speaking.
Mike: Maybe, we can't do that too much. You do have a kingdom to rule.
Emily looks at the ground, not realizing that his comment is quickly killing her buzz.
Emily: Oh yeah…
Ordinarily she wouldn't let anyone see any signs of dissatisfaction with her duties. Just because she's stressed out, doesn't mean she despises her new role. On the contrary, she loves her kingdom and is incredibly proud of the work she's done to rebuild it. It's the most satisfying task she's ever taken on, and she wouldn't give it up for anything. But people are people. And people can start to feel burnt out by the toll such responsibility can take on a person.
Mike knows this. And Emily knows he knows it. This is why she's so comfortable letting him see this side of her. She would hate to give off the impression to anybody that her new role isn't worth it.
So for now, all she can think about is how wonderful tonight is making her feel, and what she can do to prolong it.
To be continued...
2023-2024