Over the next week and a half, Rin is left to stew in her thoughts.
It is not a pleasant experience. Especially with the way she has to endure each day.
Unable to leave the hospital, the stay wouldn't be as bad if she was allowed to get up and walk around, but the nurses and doctors keep confining her to the tiny bed. Her back aches with having lain here for days now, and she's so very restless.
She's so tired.
There have been so many 'sympathetic' faces to visit her, but she knows what it really is; pity. Rin can't stand the exchanged looks and half-hearted smiles. She would be better left alone in a room full of androids if this is how they're going to treat her.
She doesn't need help knowing she may not make it out of this room again. It's plainly obvious down to her bones.
Yet, even Len is proving to be a nuisance.
She loves his dedication and loyalty to her, but the affection he has for her right now is smothering. He won't let her drink her own water or go to the bathroom without standing outside the door. He monitors her health every moment to the point of obsession, and it's actually starting to whittle her down with each instance.
It's so hard to bring herself to say it to him, when all she can see on his face is pain.
It's a morbid thought, that everyone around her is waiting for her to die. It sends static shocks of panic coursing through her veins, her bed feeling like a prison.
It was never supposed to turn out like this.
This can't go on.
Rin has tried desperately to put on a strong, untouchable facade so that no one can tell how she's really feeling, but it's starting to backfire.
I miss how things were, she can't help but think as she gazes out the window longingly. I miss who I was a year ago.
No… I miss who I thought I was.
Today is no different than any other. Len is by her side around the clock like a personal manservant. She can't hold a real conversation with him, each time she tries to broach anything between them he is quick to shut her down, as if he's afraid of how she'll feel. He tiptoes around her like she's made of glass.
It leaves a sickening pit in her stomach.
It especially burns in her consciousness today. It's like everything in her is dying to get out of the room, the familiar yet surreal surroundings making her want to hurl an object at the glass just to see a change of scenery.
Which is why, when a plan begins to hatch within her, she stays quiet, biding her time. It had been a passing fancy to break out of the hospital, to be free just for a day more, but her bravery hadn't been able to convince her. Yet as she sees the sun shine upon the beautiful day outside her sterile cage, it's enough to propel her into action.
"Len," she begins, the drone of the television in her room providing background. "Could I ask a favor?"
Ever ready to leap to her aid, the android leans closer from his perch in the seat at her side, nodding. "Yes, of course. What is it?"
"I've been craving a bit of chocolate milk," she says sheepishly, reaching up to brush the hair out of her eyes. "Do you think you could grab some for me?"
Len tilts his head to the side. She can see the cogs of his inner mind working. He's quite smart, she knows, but she hopes she can pull the wool over his eyes long enough to do what she needs to.
"I can call in a nurse to get some for you," he says, already beginning to reach for the remote to signal them. She stops him, her hand touching his and halting it in its tracks. She offers him a small smile.
"I don't mean from the cafeteria. I prefer mine from the vending machine, downstairs," she continues. "There's surely some change in my purse. I'd appreciate it if you could go instead."
Len pauses, and Rin's almost certain he's about to see through her excuse when he rises from his chair.
"I'll go ahead, then." Len attempts to return her smile. "I'll be right back."
He dips out the door, and she waits a few moments with bated breath, his footsteps echoing down the hall. She does a mental countdown, her heartbeat leaping into her chest.
This is it- now or never.
Removing the needles and other things from her body, wincing all the while, Rin swings her legs over the bed. Gingerly picking herself up from the uncomfortable mattress, she makes a beeline for her clothes, left neatly folded in a pile.
Every minute counts. Len will be quick, she's sure, and that means she'll need to be quicker.
Finally dressed and presentable, ignoring the beeping of her machines, she rushes out and down the hall, dodging a few android aides that are certainly heading to her room. She grimaces.
I'm making trouble for others, but right now, I have to get out of here before they realize I'm gone.
She elects to take the stairs, running down the stairwell to the bottom floor. The antiseptic scent follows her everywhere, making her nauseous.
Exiting the door at the bottom carefully, she spots Len standing in front of the vending machine just down the hall, barely within eyeshot. Slipping out gingerly, she heads the opposite direction, finally reaching the doors to the outside.
When she finally enters the fresh air environment, she can't help but pause and take it in. The scent of leaves and freshly mown grass wafts over her, a welcome change.
I don't have a lot of time.
If she knows anything about Len, it's that he'll catch on quickly to her scheme. She has to put distance between herself and this place now, or she'll be found too fast.
She has to give herself the chance to grieve.
.x.X.x.
Somehow, Rin's made it halfway home.
Maybe a bit more than halfway, she realizes, gauging the business of the street and the familiar park ahead. The day leaves chills along her skin, signaling the growing lateness.
Each step she takes leaves her body aching with soreness. Surely she's grown out of shape, but this feels like more than a bout of exercise can fix. She had realized during the last few weeks, but just come to understand now, that her body is slowly beginning to shut down. She's unsteady on her feet, her hands shaky whenever she holds something. The illness is beginning to work its way from the outside in.
It's like being on a sinking ship she can't get off, destined to stay with it until it disappears beneath the waves.
She's still young, for God's sake. Facing death so early on was never something she had expected to deal with so soon. Though, it seems now that she's grown to accept the coming reality.
No… maybe it isn't acceptance. Perhaps denial. I've been here so long that now that I've come so far along, it feels unreal.
Len's puppy-like looks of concern don't help. Every time he looks her way, she can feel his pity and sorrow. For an android, he surely can show a range of emotions even humans have a hard time dealing with.
Part of that is why she grew to love him, though. It's because of Len that the last year has become a beautiful memory. Every moment with him was a highlight in the darkest night that had been her life. Even if Len isn't real, and it's proven that everything they've shared was truly fake, she would cherish it all the same.
I may not be long for this world, but Len is. Maybe after I'm gone, he'll be able to become something greater than even I could imagine.
The thought triggers a small windfall of emotions she's been trying to prevent, and Rin shakes her head, trying to erase them. What point is there now in worrying about the future? Especially when she won't live to see it?
Ah, it hurts.
Out of pure coincidence she finds herself back in the park, the night sky encroaching upon the sunset. The beauty and hues of the oranges, blues and purples over the trees takes her breath away.
"How many more skies will I see like this…?"
The words are uttered aloud to no one. Rin stands in the midst of the sidewalk, staring up and smiling like a mad woman. Couples and children pass her by with odd looks, but the time has long since passed for her to care what others think of her.
I should have brought a coat, she notes listlessly, crossing her arms over her chest to keep warm. The changing seasons are already moving quickly upon the world, washing away the past in favor of what lies ahead.
The wind feels nice, though… It makes me feel alive.
The little nip of the breeze, the chirping birds giving way to crickets and the hum of other insects, conversations floating through the air to be forgotten. She relishes each and every one, drinking it in like she's not had water for years.
I may not have many tomorrows, but I still have today, Rin thinks, her lips pursing into a frown.
It may not mean much, but to me, it is everything.
.x.X.x.
The click of her key in her door feels loud.
Gently opening the door to her home, Rin enters it as if visiting the house of a stranger. The jingle of her keychain feels foreign in the dark room. The air smells stale and faintly of tea.
I feel like I haven't seen this place in ages.
Flipping the light on, she studies her home. She never was one for as many material items. She has her collections of books and movies, anime, and her favorite tea sets. There are thousands of little pieces of herself scattered through the little apartment, though most are insignificant and will be tossed as soon as she's gone.
I should have written a will. I still have time, she notes, crossing the room to the kitchen. Beginning a kettle for tea, she notes that all the dishes that were in her sink have disappeared, and there isn't a spot of dust anywhere.
Len must have been coming here while I slept, she realizes with a start. Preparing it, in case I ever came home.
As if he knew she would come back. The thought freezes her halfway through reaching into her cupboard.
No… don't focus on that now.
This time, Rin presses her hands into her cup to truly feel each and every nook and cranny of the ceramic, the heat radiating from the hot water. She inhales the light, herbal scent, allowing it all to settle in her system like her own medication.
It's as if she craves anything that gives her a sense of life. Anything to touch, hear, see- it all feels new and wonderful.
Rin is so drawn into her own little world for a moment that she doesn't register her front door opening. It is only when the reverberating clunk of it shutting makes the apartment tremor that she whirls to face her unexpected visitor.
Len.
He stands there, gazing at her with an unreadable expression. His lips are curved into a frown, the only give away about how he's feeling.
Oh, he's already come for her.
"...You came sooner than I expected," Rin murmurs, bringing the blazing hot tea to her lips.
He's quiet for a minute, before slowly approaching her.
"...I didn't know how much time to give you."
How ironic, really, for him to say something like that. She can't help the mirthless quirk of her mouth in response.
Placing his hands flat against her kitchen counter, he holds her gaze steady. She knows he's upset that she left, but she has no excuses to offer him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to leave?" he asks her anyway, as if he can make sense of her actions. "It's unsafe for you to be alone. You know you can ask me for anything."
Setting the cup down with a small clatter, she faces him again. Her odd look silences him.
She's smiling a little too hard, too widely. It hurts her cheeks.
"Do you know how beautiful it is to hear the little tweets of birds in the morning?" she says instead, cheery. "Or to hear the little hum electronics sound like when there's nothing else but quiet? Have you ever focused only on the feeling of the wind on your skin? Isn't it all just so nice?"
"Rin-"
"Have you ever stood in a room without another soul in it and thought about the lives that have passed through it?" She can't help continuing. "Do you understand how gorgeous the sky is, every single day and night? Like an endlessly changing painting. What about the feeling of the sun? Isn't it just so incredible?"
"Rin."
Her words die in her throat.
Len's brows are furrowed together, his once unbreakable mask now a canvas of concern. She wishes he smiled more. His handsome face would be so much brighter.
His hand touches her cheek, and it's only then that she realizes there are uncontrollable tears streaming down them, leaving little droplets upon the counter.
"I-" The words don't want to leave her mouth, sour and acidic. She's starting to sound a little hysterical. "I never understood any of that, you know? But right now, the only thing I want in the world right now is to feel."
Her hand reaches up to grip tightly to Len's, drawing it from her face and instead holding it between them. Her teary blue eyes meet the mirror of his.
The crushing, blinding weight of her illness is bringing her world down around her.
"I have never, in all my life, been afraid of death, Len," she admits openly, her voice cracking. "But I realize now that I am so, so terrified of dying."
Rin is pulled forward, Len encircling her in his arms before she can say anything more. Her sobs begin to fill the room, the tears staining his shirt. His body is both cold and warm, the material scratchy on her cheek. She makes no effort to move away. After all this, it's not necessary for her to explain how she's feeling to him. Len can tell just how broken she has become, the strength she had relied on to get her through finally sapping away to reveal her sincerity and pain.
Rin had been trying so hard to be strong, that she never stopped to let herself be weak.
All she wants is to be able to wake up every day, sometimes to be greeted by Len.
Oh, Len. How could she ever forget him? His powerful resolve and determination, his will to be different. She has always admired who Len is, the same person she fell in love with. Almost envious of him, for having the freedom of choice, as if she was robbed of hers.
That desire to be with him surges through her now, reminding her that she is still breathing. Len has always made her feel so alive. His actions, his sense of self, his care.
She's lucky to have been able to be his.
Moving back a little to gaze up into his face, Rin's eyes glitter with her feelings. Len returns her gaze unwavering, his arms keeping her close.
In this world, Rin has enjoyed very few things. She's always just assumed that someone else's happiness was more worthwhile than her own. It had been a content way to live, until now. But no longer.
She will follow her heart, and her own will, until she cannot.
"Len," she whispers, trying to convey as much as she can into something simple. "I want to be with you. I'm… I'm ready this time. I need you."
His eyes widen, and his grip on her tightens.
"Are you sure?" he asks, feeling out the truth, searching her face.
She nods, softly. "I have never been so sure."
Rin expected him to protest, or begin to lecture her for her lack of self care and realization. Yet, that never happens.
Instead, Len sweeps her up into his arms in one smooth motion, not a trace of hesitance in his movements. His lips find hers in a soft yet heated kiss, and as he takes her to her bedroom and lays her down upon her bed, there is nothing but love in his every action.
Skin laden in kisses, fingers searching for more places to touch, the two of them reach for each other as if they had been searching for one another all along. The feelings between them are laid bare once more without a hint of doubt, punctuated by soft whispers and faint moans. It is only in his arms that Rin allows herself to be free. Her heart, and Len's, combine to lead them forward. The things that had once stood in their way disappear under the pureness of their mutual feelings.
It is a beautiful, cherished moment, that for only a little while, lets her forget everything else except for him.
The only thing I know right now…
…is that I am truly loved.
A/N: I'm still here!. Surprise!
I hope there is still a few of you that read this. If you do, I applaud your dedication. You're all great.
This wasn't rushed, but I wrote most of it late at night, so hopefully it reaches your hearts the way it was intended.
The storybook is closing on this chapter.