Rilla is walking home from the Andersons when she happens upon Fred Arnold once more and this time she feels anxious about it as he talks and talks.
"What were you doing at the Andersons Miss Blythe?" She knows she should correct him but she just can't seem to get the words to leave her mouth. Then again she never sought him out, she even tried to ignore his call out, but didn't manage it.
"Minnie is a friend and I help with the baby and around the house, I stopped by earlier to see if she needed anything as I go run some errands," Rilla explains looking down and not correcting him. It's not like she doesn't wear her wedding ring, her rings never leave her finger, but her gloves cover them. Her hair is up, and skirts are to her ankles. She has pink on her cheeks again, she is eating and sometimes sleeping enough that the purple shadows under her eye disappear for a day or two.
"Are you going to the fundraiser for the troops?" He asks her looking almost hopeful when she looks at him. Though it just reminds her that she hates his nose, and wouldn't like him even if she wasn't married.
"I…I don't know, I don't do well at parties," Rilla tells him honestly.
"Oh," Fred says slightly taken aback. "Don't you have a brother?"
"I do, and my parents might go for a little bit?" Rilla says after a moment. "I just…don't do well at parties. Jem wouldn't want me to put myself through that for him, not after. It doesn't matter, why aren't you over there?" Rilla finds herself asking her.
"I promised Mother I would wait until she is well enough, then I'll be going." He tells her honestly but winces at her directness.
"Of course," Rilla says simply not sure what else to say.
"If you do show up, save me a dance?" Fred tells her looking at her hopefully.
She looks down at her hands, her hidden rings. "I...I'm sorry have to go," she shakes head her.
"Excuse me," she says quickly racing away from him, ignoring his calls. He doesn't follow her though and when she reaches Rainbow Valley she vomits into a bush.
"What's wrong?" Shirley asks from his spot, brandishing out a handkerchief for her wipe mouth with. He had his books with him, and a fishing rod as well.
"Nothing," Rilla says. "I just…I must have eaten something off." She lies to him not wanting to have to explain Fred Arnold to him.
"Rilla, if someone bothered you…" Shirley says jumping to conclusions.
"I'm fine Shirley!" Rilla found herself stressing, even if her heart was racing and fear was all around her. She wasn't there, it wasn't that night, they were here. Ken…Ken and his promises, his willingness to protect her. How badly was she dishonouring him right now with this? Shirley brings her home, he seems as sturdy as he has always been. Writing and talking about football when he did manage to write home to Mother and Father. He doesn't try getting anything more out of her, and when she shuts herself into the room. No one says a word about it.
'She has moments, just let her work it out' she hears her mother tell her brother.
Mother manages to persuade her to go to the fundraiser, helping her dress in one of her white dresses. She is beginning to hate white, but Mother refuses to let her wear her stripped and red one on the occasion.
'We must look supportive Rilla, not against it-For Jem's sake alone'
Shirley and the Twins join them of course, and the twins have their own table of things to sell to raise money. Promising Rilla she could hide away with them whenever she needed to. She was barely there for thirty minutes before she heard him.
"Doctor, Mrs. Blythe," She hears Fred Arnold's voice before seeing him. She sees her parents give a nod of their heads. "I didn't think you would be here tonight, can I interest in you a turn about the room?" He asks almost hopefully looking at Rilla in her white lace and lawn dress. White for victory Mother said.
Rilla is stunned, watching her mother's face turn into confusion. "
"I—-I," Rilla stuttered. "Looking at her father for an answer.
"Young Man, I know you are new to town," Father starts and Rilla panics squeezing his arms as Fred nods his head. "Rilla was only allowed to come tonight because she promised to help watch the table with her sisters."
"Of course, my apologies I just…I was excited to see her here." Fred stumbles trying to cover his tracks.
"Have a good day Mr. Arnold." He says looking to his wife who mouths later. The fundraiser is two hours of songs and recitations. Rilla mainly stands behind her sister in a corner. Mother and Father spoke to people, and her sisters to their friends, while her old friend pretended that she wasn't there at all. She didn't exist to them anymore.
The only person who came up to her was Mary Vance who felt above all society at times, but even tonight it was more pity than anything else.
"Don't look so dull Rilla Blythe, we need people to give what they can. A smile works wonders."
"You are so pale these days, the purple under your eyes does nothing for your complexion."
'You were never good at public speaking, I suppose that works in your favour these days. I had five people call me to give the address as various support evenings."
She almost forgot all about Fred Arnold until the ride home, head leaning. On Shirley's shoulder, half asleep before Mother exclaims coming into her room as she readies herself for bed.
"Does that poor boy not know Rilla?" She asked Rilla without sugarcoating it. "Why does Fred Arnold want to court you?
"I don't know! I thought perhaps someone had told him, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that his attention was not wanted. If he doesn't know, it's less embarrassing, than telling him I'm married at fifteen with a husband who is away at school! Because then he'll ask why, or he'll ask someone else and they'll tell him whatever they heard. But truly I thought someone would have told him I am technically married, if not that I was damaged goods by now!" Rilla cries in frustration.
Her mother says nothing to her but says with an air of authority she rarely uses. "Come here," she beckons her daughter Rilla sits down and her mother wraps her arm around her.
"First off, you have never been or will be damaged goods. Honestly, where do you come up with these things." Her mother tells her shaking her head sorrowfully. "So I never want to hear those words come out your mouth again, you have come through many difficult things with grace which isn't always easy."
Rilla nods her head looking down at her hands. "I'm sorry…"
"Secondly, you must let that poor boy that it is not proper for him to carry on as he is. Next, you know he will be knocking on our door asking if you want to go to his father's prayer meeting and while we have no issues with the Methodists, and if circumstances were different we wouldn't be against him. But in the eyes of the church, and by law you are married Ken and I know he is not here, but I see the letters that come for you from him that light up your face. He doesn't deserve this as innocent as it is to you.
April 1915
Dear Ken,
I cannot bear to feel like this, so I will tell you the whole thing because I don't want you to hear it from others. I have behaved abysmally, I just didn't know how, and what to do about it.
Fred Arnold has been popping up here and there and at first I was confused because he should know. But maybe he was just being kind? He had been away that month…but then he called me Miss. Blythe and I knew that he didn't know and I don't know how, but he is Methodist and doesn't attend our church.
Anyway, he came over while I was with Mother and Father in town as we finished shopping. Mother was shocked, to say the least when it became apparent that he didn't know. She scolded me lightly about it and also didn't appreciate me calling myself damaged goods. I didn't mean to let him think that I was…I just never knew how to tell him that I was married to you. I mean I wear your ring, it never leaves my finger, surely he would have seen it?
Still, he found me in the between the manse and home, and his attitude was not his usual. I guess someone warned him finally, but he wanted to hear it from me. It was the most awful thing, mostly because he went on about if he had been around he would have married me…
Me, a minister's son's wife? Having to look at the nose day and in and out?
He grabbed my arm as I tried to leave, and I was used to certain touches. My siblings, parents…..yours when I am with you. I like those touches, they make me feel safe. He, sent me running home with tears in my eyes. Mother took one look at me and pulled me into her arms bringing me back to reality and that I was safe. At least until I tried to sleep, it's…I won't even write the time I am writing this letter to you. I hope you can forgive me for leading someone else. I didn't mean to dishonour you….you gave up so much to save me…
Rilla was sitting on an old log, looking out towards the pond in Rainbow Valley, the next morning. It was early, but she couldn't sleep or lay in bed anymore. Her half-written letter to Ken was scribbled onto paper as she poured out her heart and apologies for leading another young man on. It only made the purple shadows beneath her eyes more prominent, more so than the day previous and emotions bubbled and swirled around her in a whirlpool she couldn't get out of. The only thing that kept her afloat was knowing her brothers were fighting a war for her, and their family and when she heard footsteps.
"Rilla?" It's Fred Arnold's voice. "What is your last name?" He asks her and her stomach drops, someone finally tells him. She can't answer him right away looking down at her wedding ring and for the first time, he sees it as well and grows more embarrassed and angry.
"I…I never meant to lie," She tells him quietly.
"So it is true?" He asks almost bitterly.
"It was a solution that gave me the best possible future," Rilla says quietly. "I didn't ask for the past eight months but they became my life. I also thought someone would have told you when you moved here. It wasn't exactly a secret?"
"They never thought they needed to, I also didn't think the girl they talked about would be so willingly open to walking around town! " Fred says bitterly. "You made me look like a fool! Here I was thinking about courting you…thinking you would be the wife for me one day…"
"I didn't ask anything from you, and why wouldn't I be around? Am I that ruined to damnation that I am no longer allowed to have the need for friends or show myself in town? Do I need to be only seen with my husband? Newsflash he lives in Toronto and then going to enlist and go fight in this bloody war because at least he can right a few wrongs that have happened in this work since that night of the war began for us!" Rilla's voice raises slightly partly from anxiety but also anger in a way. "I have asked for none of this, I just want to escape the darkness! All Hades does is follow me and ruin everything. I'm sorry you felt lied to, it was not my intention." She says before turning away from him. She's a few, steps away from when she feels his hand wrap around her forearm. It was not a touch she knew and she freezes from it unable to do or say anything else.
"Please, please not again….please don't hurt me," she cries struggling enough that his hand falls away. When she does look at him, his face is in shock tears run down her face and she takes the moment to run back home.
She shaking, and her whole body is trembling, mother runs after her dropping down as she wretches into the toilet. She has barely eaten today…so nothing comes up but acid and bile. Mother doesn't ask though, she has felt enough from the commotion she heard from Mrs. Meredith about the Methodist household, that Rilla didn't have a chance to tell the truth, the truth comes out on its own.
She was put to bed for the afternoon until she got up trying to finish her letter to Ken until her door flung open.
"How do you get two guys in love with you?" Di asks her, after hearing about the whole fiasco of Fred Arnold. She does so without knocking and flopping down on the spare bed of Rilla's room. Nan has more class and sits neatly, ignoring that Rilla is writing a letter in some sort of guilty anguish.
"Also how did he not know?" Nan asks.
"How?" Rilla looks at them, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
"Mary Vance and a few other classmates?" Di says with a shrug. "Trust me, despite what you may think, a bunch of them are on your side and think this Fred Arnold is Gillygaupus."
"A what?" Rilla looks at her sister confused.
"Someone short-minded and awkward?" Nan clarifies questioning her definition of it. "Still, Rilla, why didn't you tell him? I know you didn't mean to lead him on, but you couldn't you have managed a simple I'm not interested or is he as dense as they say him to be?"
"I don't know, and for the record Ken doesn't love me, he's just being nice."
"Nice isn't offering marriage, clearly she fancied you in some sort of way and Mother says you always have letters going back and forth. You're lucky you know, you know where you stand with him." Nan shakes her head at her.
"Where do I stand?" Rilla's brow furrows.
"She means you're not sitting around wondering and waiting for something that may never come," Di speaks up
Jerry, she is talking about Jerry.
"Oh," Rilla replies unsure what to say.
"Is Ken going to visit before enlisting?" Di asks her next. "He graduating and all?"
"I think so? I'm not entirely sure what will happen?" Rilla tells them. "He wants to, so he can set up an account for me should I need anything and just visit I guess?" She explains awkwardly. Why was it awkward being the married one?
"Well, you kiss him goodbye?" Nan asks curiously.
"I?" Rilla says blushing.
"I think she already has," Di laughs.
"We're married!" Rilla says hurriedly. "…I mean it be strange to never have kissed your husband?" She squeaks out.
"You didn't when Mr. Meredith married you," One points out. "So it had to be afterwards."
"I asked, I asked him to kiss me and it was nice," Rilla tells him huffing.
"That's good, we thought maybe because…" Nan trails off and Rilla looks at them, blankly. Do they think that they kissed her? Everything flashes to the forefront of her mind as she touches her temple…no kisses, but she can remember the feeling of terror.
"They didn't—he didn't…"Rilla corrects herself not wanting her sisters to know the details so few people knew the truth of. "You've kissed Jerry though?" She directs to Nan who blushes.
"When would she have time to do that between all the arguing they do?" Di jokes.
"We've, kissed, we kissed long before Jem got up the courage to kiss Faith," Nan is almost indignant about the unfairness of the accusation.
"But when you said goodbye?" Rilla frowns.
"We had our moment," Nan says with a gentle shrug and Rilla watches her sister wallow for a moment. "Com, let's make some popcorn or something? do something that isn't bandages or charity?" She looks at her sister. Rilla nodded after a moment, she had forgotten Nan's calming presence and Di's cheeky humour that was similar to their fathers. It drives her back to before that night and how she felt about her sisters and the fun they used to have.
"Maybe we can come up with a way to get Dad to raise our allowance or order something from Eatons?" Di says with a grin and Rilla can't help but feel a slight blossom of excitement in the swirling pit of anger and loathing for the world.