May
fuck the moon
…
The drive back from Santana's apartment felt like a fever dream. The clouds darkened as Brittany reached closer to her destination, and she opted for silence instead of putting on music.
She couldn't quite process what had just happened. The sting of rejection irritated her eyes; they watered up until the streets before her were a blur. Brittany had never regretted wearing her heart on her sleeve until that moment.
She'd always heard the songs and seen the movies and the sad social media posts about the pain of heartbreak, but she thought the gut-wrenching feeling that people talked about had to be somewhat of an exaggeration. She had certainly never felt as grief-stricken as the songs made things sound in her past relationships and romantic endeavors.
She was proven wrong on that gloomy day by the deep, pounding pangs in her chest, too heavy to feel like they could hail from mere emotion. Her head knew better, but her heart, body, and nervous system seemed to be under the impression that the world was literally crumbling around her. Her hands couldn't forget how Santana squeezed them in hers and let them go for the last time.
She wiped at her eyes and kept driving.
She debated changing her course to go to her parent's house; maybe the comfort of her family would make this feeling disappear. She also knew that her mother would immediately know something was wrong and ask her what happened as soon as she saw her face, so that idea went out the window. Brittany did not want to talk about it.
Part of her wanted to turn the car around, return to Santana's apartment, and beg her to say that this was all a sick joke. Deep down, Brittany knew that that wasn't an option either.
She glanced down at the clock. 11:37. She had a live stream scheduled for 7 but had no idea what she would do with herself until then. She couldn't just stay at home and be tortured by this feeling. Her throat ached, and she felt like she could break down at any minute, and it wasn't fair. Why did Santana have full control of the forecast of her emotions? Who gave her permission?
Her dam of emotions was about to collapse when she heard a noise.
Her phone buzzed in the passenger seat, and she glanced down at it.
[brookie3]: hey can you pick me up from school in 20? its a half day n i forgot mom has wrk
Instead of being annoyed at the late notice, Brittany welcomed the distraction and switched routes to head to the high school.
She debated spilling everything to Brooklyn once she picked her up. Brooke would likely try to dig into the happenings of her personal life as soon as she stepped foot in the car, but Brittany knew that if Brooke knew what went down with Santana that morning, she would never forgive or trust Santana. She secretly hoped to see the two meet one day. She imagined that they would hit it off, Their personalities were so similar yet different, she was sure they'd respect each other's blunt honesty. They were also both fiercely loyal with a crude sense of humor. Brittany would love to see them come together and have some sort of a relationship.
She didn't know if Santana would be in her life anymore at all, though, so there could have been no use in withholding information about her to Brooke.
As she pulled into the school's car line, Brittany spotted her sister quickly, talking to a boy with long locs and another Asian girl. The two girls looked like they were teasing him, but the big toothy grin on his face revealed that he didn't mind. Brooke looked so happy and in her element that Brittany almost hesitated to honk the horn and tear her away from her friends.
Brooklyn ran to the car, but not before snatching something out of the other girls hands, resulting in her chasing her to the door. Brooke rushed into the passenger seat, slamming the door on her friend and letting out a loud fit of giggles. Brittany shook her head and smiled at her sister's antics. At a closer look, the stolen object was a tiny Hello Kitty notebook.
"Give it back, you thiefer!" The girl shouted from the window. Brooklyn rolled down the window, and the girl snatched it back, now joining Brooke in laughter.
"Alright, I'm probably gonna call an Uber or something, but I'll see you tomorrow?" She spoke to Brooklyn.
"Do you need a ride?" Brittany asked the girl, pushing Brooklyn's head out of the way to speak around her. She was happy to take any and all side quests that came her way to distract her mind from the events of that morning.
"Really? Sure!" The girl grinned and hopped in the backseat.
"This is Sunny. Sunny, this is my sister Brittany." Brooklyn introduced. Just as they were saying their hellos, the boy from earlier shouted at Brooke through the window.
"What about me? Where's my ride?"
Brooklyn's neutral expression quickly turned mischievous, and she sent Brittany a pleading look.
"The more the merrier." Brittany dragged, feigning annoyance, but she was secretly relieved at the possibility that she wouldn't be getting home until it was nearly time to get ready for her stream.
Sunny buried her face in her hands, and Brooke laughed. Brittany guessed that Sunny had a crush on him by how Brooklyn silently teased her and stole her journal earlier.
The boy hopped in the backseat of the car next to Sunny.
"I'm Darius. Thanks for the ride." He leaned forward to shake Brittany's hand.
"No problem. Where is everyone headed?"
…
A stop at the gas station, ice cream shop, and Darius's house later, Brittany finally pulled up to Sunny's driveway. The kids were definitely a hoot, but they were also respectful and kind. Brittany was glad that Brooke had friends like them to rely on. After watching Sunny enter her house, she pulled off and started for their parent's house.
Brooke had long taken over her aux cord, and they rode to the house listening to her peaceful indie playlist. Putting up with the kids had been a successful distraction. Brittany reflected on the difference between this tranquil ride and the one from that morning.
As if Brooklyn was reading her mind, she looked up from the window and asked Brittany what had been going on lately.
Brittany still worried that Brooklyn would hate Santana forever if she told her the truth. She worried even more about the possibility of never seeing Santana again. She opted to tell Brooke about her new manager and streaming schedule instead.
…
When she finally returned to her apartment, it was creeping up on 7. She greeted Rory, who was making a dish with lots of potatoes in the kitchen. It seemed like he was constantly consuming potatoes. She shook her head and went to her room. Brittany set up for stream, running a poll on her Twitter to determine what game she should play. Grand Theft Auto won the vote, and she set up her livestream.
Her regulars poured into the chat. She was glad to interact with them, but even their kind messages and greetings couldn't shake the feeling of melancholy she'd been avoiding all day.
She put on a smile anyway and mustered up the energy to make her stream fun, but one particular viewer who had stuck with her since the beginning of her streaming days seemed to notice something was off.
[tippyduck0453]: whats wrong britt u seem kinda sad :(
Brittany loved Tippyduck0453, and she'd never admit it to her supporters for the sake of fairness, but Tippy was her favorite viewer. She'd been loyal to Brittany's streams since the rocky beginning of her time as a streamer.
Which is why it was unusual for Brittany to ignore her messages. When Tippy asked how she was doing, she'd almost always take the time to respond and ask the question back.
[tippyduck0453]: britt? do we need to beat someone up for you?
In the game, Brittany veered off the road in her newly stolen car, toppling over a couple of pedestrians in her wake. She'd explained to her viewers minutes before how she was on her way to start a mission in the game instead of aimlessly fucking around, but she wordlessly changed routes.
[tippyduck0453]: hope ur ok :(
Brittany continued to slam into people, buildings, and anything she could hit when the police sirens started blaring in the background. She drove around trying to escape the cops for a while despite losing viewers because she wasn't saying anything.
It felt good to smash into everything in sight without a care. For a second, she wondered why Santana did it to her heart.
She pictured Santana as her character in the game, driving recklessly and running over road signs and sidewalks, her hands gripping the steering wheel.
Those perfect hands, always manicured.
Santana's fingernails were almost always short and coated in glossy black, but sometimes, they donned intricate designs and colors. Santana would always tell her when she saw her nail tech because she looked forward to their gossip sessions- apparently, the girl always had some interesting story about her man's crazy baby mama, which Santana would relay to Brittany in turn.
She missed talking to Santana about stupid stuff. She could speak to her about anything and never get bored.
Brittany closed out of GTA and closed the gaming tab, reflecting just her camera view to the live stream, so her image was shown fullscreen. She switched the stream tag from "Gaming" to "Just Chatting".
"Hey guys, I'm not really feeling the game anymore, but why don't we just have a chatting stream. It's been so long since we've caught up." Brittany tried to smile. "What are you guys up to? Got any plans? Read or watched anything good?"
[dfalkin90]: i need movie recs
[Itsskik]: Yess i've been rewatching dr. who
[BizzleB90]: made pancakes earlier :D
"You're watching Dr. Who? Wow, I haven't watched that in years. Ooo, pancakes sound yummy."
She chatted with her viewers for a while. They all seemed to appreciate the attention, so much so that they didn't mind that she wasn't playing a game.
[678honeybun]: soo who are you dating? ;D
"Honey bun says 'who am I dating?' Guys, I'm not dating anyone." Brittany frowned.
[678honeybun]: suree okayyy
[Hermano7]: give us the real tea ma'am!
[jasomomo]: oooooop
Brittany nervously laughed at the responses.
"Why do you guys think I'm lying? I'm single as hell."
[tippyduck0453]: yall if she said shes single shes single
[678honeybun]: lmaoo maybe she's in a failed situationship like me
[jdfbat0]: i remember when i wasn't single :(
"Guys really… i'm trying to escape all my troubles not talk about them," Brittany commented before she realized that she'd revealed too much, and her viewers were not likely to forget it. She almost covered her mouth with her hand, but figured the gesture would draw even more attention."
[tippyduck0453]: WHAT TROUBLES?
[678honeybun]: boy troubles?
[hengeege6]: come sit on the therapist couch baby
[raspqueen:] TEA TIME TEA TIME
[678honeybun]: TEA TIME TEA TIME
[jdfbat0]: TEA TIME TEA TIME
[tortyceline]: TEA TIME TEA TIME
Brittany couldn't help but laugh at the chaos she drummed up in her live chat.
"What is going on? Oh my god," She giggled. "Tea makes me really sleepy. If I drink some right now, I'll probably fall asleep right here on camera, and you guys are NOT getting that for the free."
She tried to change the subject without laughing at the comments. She failed miserably.
[soupmaster222]: i'm afraid we can't just speed past that-
[g30rg1a]: im deprived of romance please i actually need this
[starfishxra]: TEA TIME TEA TIME
Yeah, the sting of rejection was definitely shitty, but Brittany would be okay, she always was in the end. She was sure that the dejection would come back when she was alone in her bed trying to fall asleep that night, but in the moment, being teased by her viewers, she knew that she wasn't alone.
…
Four days later, there hadn't been a moment that Santana didn't regret every word that came out of her mouth on that wistful morning. She tried texting and calling Brittany, but after being iced out, she decided to give the girl some space. With her graduation and the real work of her internship coming up, her mind should've been occupied elsewhere, but she couldn't stop replaying her last moments with Brittany.
She found herself at Quinn's apartment, trying to resist the urge to show up at Brittany's.
"So let me get this straight- you friendzoned her, acted possessive over her, slept with her, and then doubled down on rejecting her?" Quinn squinted.
Santana had finally spilled her guts to Quinn about everything that had happened with Brittany. She didn't care about dodging the reality of the situation or her feelings anymore; she just knew she needed all the advice she could get.
"Long story short- yeah?" She winced.
"Well…" Quinn paused. "You would've got cussed out if it were me."
"Gee, thanks for making me feel better, Q." Santana stated dryly.
"It's true! I'm just saying, she has the right to be upset. She's might need some time."
Santana nodded and looked down like a kicked puppy. She just hoped she didn't fuck things up for good. She hated the sinking guilty feeling she got when Brittany walked away from her and out of her apartment. Santana never wanted to hurt Brittany.
"I just want to make it right. Whatever it takes. For real this time."
"You really wanna fix this? Like for real?" Quinn asked. Santana nodded.
"Alright, step into my office." Quinn picked up a notepad from her coffee table and pretended to put on a pair of glasses.
"So," Quinn sucked her teeth and pretended to scribble something in the notepad. Santana's frown slowly flipped into a stifled smile. She didn't know why she didn't come to Quinn sooner, she was the reliable therapist friend, and she was damn good at giving advice that people actually needed to hear.
"To fix your relationship, you need to define it in a way that works for both of you. Obviously, this blurred-ass friend zone shit isn't working." Quinn noted. "First, let's define how you feel about her."
Santana stared blankly.
"Well, I can't do that for you. Answer the damn question!" Quinn pushed.
"Was there a question in there? And why is my therapist using foul language at me? I'm leaving a nasty review."
Quinn shot her a pointed look.
"Okay, okay. How do I feel about Brittany?" Santana played with her fingers in her lap. "I feel like Brittany is… I dunno, my favorite person. In the months that I've known her, she's become the best part of my day. She's beautiful and smart in so many ways that I could never fully uncover."
Then she was rambling.
"She's funny. A lot of people miss it because her sarcasm runs so deep that people don't see that she's joking, but if you know her, you know that all of her comments are meaningful and witty. She's so kind, and she comes off as this effortlessly sweet soul, but she's so intentional with how she treats people that calling it effortless kind of takes away from all the work and maturity she puts in to glide through the world like that daily. She's the best, most gorgeous person I've ever met, inside and out. So I guess that's how I feel about her."
Santana didn't realize that she'd been holding that in until it felt like a relief to speak it aloud.
"You know, I never heard you speak about Dani like that at all." Quinn smiled knowingly.
"Well fuck Dani. She has nothing on Britt."
Quinn scribbled in her notepad, and Santana couldn't tell if she was still pretending to write anymore.
"Seems like you really care for Brittany then. What are your reserves about her?"
"Reserves? What do you mean reserves?"
"Well, you haven't made the next step in the relationship yet; the only reason we're here is because you refuse to. Why?"
The way Quinn was spelling everything out so clearly made Santana realize how far she was complicating things for herself.
"It's nothing to do with her. She's amazing. It's just…" Santana sighed. "She's not like Dani or any other girl. I just feel like to date someone, you have to accept that it could be ripped away from you at any moment. I don't think being with her and then having her ripped away from me is something that I could accept."
Quinn nodded and scribbled on her notepad again, but this time, she flipped the paper over dramatically to show Santana what she had written.
"ABANDONMENT ISSUES" was scrawled out in neat handwriting with a polite heart drawn at the bottom.
"Womp womp." Quinn added as if her message wasn't loud enough.
The silence lingered for a while before Santana spoke again.
"Well… uhh. Damn." was all she could spit out in response. That was a reality she'd been avoiding. "You sure you wanna go into law and not psych?"
Quinn laughed. "Oh, I'm not done with the diagnosis. Commitment issues, self-sabotage, deflec-"
"Okay, okay, I get the point, Therapist Barbie." Santana waved off. "So what's the advice?"
Santana was determined to make things up somehow. She refused to be the cause of Brittany's pain, and although it was a little late for that, she wanted to pick up the pieces. Taking accountability for her hand in their problems wasn't easy to swallow, but it was necessary if she wanted to change the way she treated Brittany.
"My advice? Stop running. You obviously love her, show-"
"HUH?" Santana exclaimed. She couldn't even begin to unpack the "L word" at that time.
"Show her you mean it. Talk to her. I know that it's scary. Tomorrow is never promised, but going through life in defense mode won't make it any better."
She knew Quinn was right but wasn't sure she could trust herself not to bail out. She just ran sometimes. It just happened.
Still, she had to try.
…
Brittany wasn't sure when she added nanny to her resume, but somehow, her apartment had become a designated hangout spot for Brooklyn and her friends Sunny and Darius for the past week. She wasn't sure what made her place special, especially since the trio spent most of their time making tik toks, playing uno, and watching movies.
She didn't mind having them over; they were cool kids. Darius took interest when he found out that Brittany was a streamer, they bonded over video games. Sunny offered to help care for Brittany's dying houseplants. Brooklyn befriended and charmed Brittany's neighbor, Mr. Clarke, resulting in him giving them the best fried plantains Brittany had ever tasted.
She'd been laying on the couch half scrolling on her phone and half listening to the intense game of uno going on between the trio of teenagers on the floor when the front door opened up.
"Full house, eh?" Waved Rory before he headed to his room.
"Yup, it's basically a zoo exhibit in here. We should really start charging an entrance fee." Brittany responded.
"If this is a zoo, then you're the monkey." Brooklyn poked at Sunny.
"If I'm the monkey, you're the ape." Sunny quipped back.
"If I'm the ape, you're the baboon with the naked pink ass."
"If I'm the baboon you're the blobfish and you're built like my naked pink baboon ass."
Checking the time, Brittany realized it was time to set up her stream. She got up and headed to her room.
"I'm gonna be streaming, no killing each other while I'm gone. And don't disturb me unless one of you guys catches on fire." She yelled out behind her.
…
Santana wasn't sure about this. Brittany still hadn't returned her calls or texts, so she decided to bite the bullet and show up to her apartment. Was it the best idea? Maybe not, but she knew that she would have to take the initiative and gain Brittany's trust back, and she couldn't do that by waiting around for something to happen. As she reached Brittany's apartment door, she let out a deep breath. The sage green envelope in her hands held an invitation to her graduation, which was coming up in a few weeks.
She was fully prepared to take Quinn's advice of apologizing and owning up to her mistakes. She didn't know exactly what she was going to say, so she just planned to be as honest and upfront as possible.
Taking a final breath, she knocked on the apartment door. Within seconds, the door swung open to reveal… a teenage boy?
"Who are you?" He questioned in lieu of a greeting. Santana double-checked the number on the door to the apartment to make sure she was at the right one. Sure enough, the number on the door was 512, the same one Brittany always lived in. Her face scrunched up in confusion.
"Is Brittany here?"
The boy turned around and yelled for someone. "Brooke!"
Two teenage girls appeared, and Santana recognized one of them from Brittany's social media as her little sister.
"Hi, I'm Santana. I'm looking for Brittany. Is she here?"
Santana caught a flash of recognition at her name in Brooklyn's expression, though the girl quickly fixed her face to a neutral expression, trying not to let on that she'd heard about her before.
"Brittany's busy…" The teenager looked Santana up and down critically. "You could try her another day?" She shrugged.
Santana was the queen of subtle snark, so she knew when it was directed at her.
"Okay… could you give this to her for me?" Santana handed the invitation over. She didn't expect to be met with attitude at the door, it caught her off guard, and her plan went out the window. She wasn't sure what Brittany told Brooklyn about her, but she assumed it couldn't have been anything good.
"Sure." Brooklyn smiled and closed the door in Santana's face. So much for meeting the family.
…
Brooklyn beelined for Brittany's room and burst into the door. She gestured to Brittany from the doorframe so she wouldn't interrupt the stream. Brittany removed her headphones and attempted to decipher her sister's exaggerated whispers and hand gestures.
"Okay, is someone on fire? Because that's the only scenario you guys are allowed to bother me with."
"No… someone came to the door. It was Santana." She whispered.
"Hold on chat, I'll be right back." Brittany quickly muted herself on the stream. Santana was there? Her heart skipped a beat and quickened in pace. "Is she here?"
"No, I kinda closed the door on her."
"WHAT? Why?"
Sunny and Darius busted into the doorway.
"Did you see her outfit?" Sunny asked. "That denim set was so cute. Girl knows how to accessorize!"
"She's the one who friendzoned you, right?" Brooklyn cut in. "I panicked once I realized it was her, and I may have gotten a little rude. Sorry."
"Oh my God," Brittany shook her head. So much for the two of them hitting it off on a good note. "What did she want?"
"She wanted to talk to you. Asked me to give this to you." Brooke gave the envelope to Brittany. Her name was strewn across the front in elegant cursive. She studied the envelope for a moment before setting it on her desk.
"Alright, shoo. If you guys are gonna answer my door, keep it cordial, would you? And let me know if she comes back."
"Yes, ma'am." Brooklyn saluted and exited the room.
Brittany sighed, remembering she still had her viewers waiting in the stream. She unmuted the stream.
"Sorry about that, guys."
[tippyduck0453]: youre all good :)
[Hrhino_]: what do yall think she was saying lolll
[weenisqween2004]: what if she was talking to the mystery guy shes dating :0
[melaniex1122]: omg what if she was?
[starfishxra]: TEA TIME TEA TIME
"Guys, I was talking to my sister. Get your heads out of the gutter. And for the last time, there is no mystery guy!"
[56tamar56]: thats exactly what i would say if i were hiding a mystery guy
"That's exactly what I would say if I-" She started to read aloud. "If I had a penny for every time you guys were in my business, I would be on Lord Tubbington's rob list."
Brittany couldn't lie and say that she wasn't mildly entertained by her viewer's antics. They had a way of lightening up every situation. For a couple of beats in time, she felt like Santana was her secret mystery lover, and she imagined how her viewers would freak if they ever found out about her. She was sure that they would love her. Brittany just wanted to show her off.
She wondered what Santana had to say when she came to the door. She figured it was more of the same as her previous apologies. Sorrow without promise. But sorry wasn't good enough for Brittany anymore.
Santana would have to at least attempt to meet her halfway or make some kind of effort to communicate what was going on. Brittany didn't like to be confused; it reminded her of how she felt in school when she couldn't grasp a concept or assignment. It made her feel stupid, and she hated that feeling more than anything.
Brittany finished her stream at around midnight. Her sister and her friends had long been picked up by then, and Brittany was bone tired. She took a long, steaming shower, and she caught a glance at the envelope when she was looking for pajamas to wear.
She sat at her desk and smoothed it over in her palms, guessing what the contents could be.
She opened it up, careful not to tear the edges. An invitation. How could she have forgotten that Santana's graduation was coming up?
She figured that she would sleep on the decision of going or not. She knew how hard Santana had worked for this, but she also didn't want her to think that Brittany was automatically forgiving her by coming. She shut off the lights and climbed into bed. The view out of her bedroom window offered her a clear view of the full, bright moon.
A few months ago, at the peak of her depression, this conflict would've ruined her.
She remembered how the days dragged on back then, how most days she gave up on all of the little battles. and a sense of pride washed over her. She came so far from the winter.
Brittany took a moment to be honest with herself. If she and Santana didn't make up, she felt like she might slip back into that darkness.
It had been just a couple days and she already missed her more than she'd ever admit. She wasn't sure how, but In the five short months since they'd known each other, Santana kind of became her everything. It hurt to be pushed and pulled by the unrelenting storm of Santana's emotions, but the pain of her absence struck an even deadlier blade.
She imagined that this was how helpless the sea felt every time the moon swayed and swept its tides with gravity.
She pulled out her phone and opened messages.
[Brittany]: i'll be there
It took 14 seconds for those three little dots to pop up.
[Santana]: thank you
…
It was finally graduation day. Santana spent the last four years slaving over assignments and projects and sitting in long lectures for this very moment. She ironed her red dress and black gown twice- everything was ready. Anxiety swirled in her stomach. No amount of preparation could relieve it.
Santana was finally sitting in the graduate section, listening to the opening speeches of the ceremony. She had been ready to walk across the stage since she got accepted into her school, and she was proud to say that she was graduating cum laude. She couldn't wait to move on to bigger and better things, leave homework and lectures in the past, and say goodbye to Cora forever.
Still, she'd never not been a student before- this was it. The official start of her real adult life was beginning, whether she was prepared for it or not. The start of her internship was just one month away. She played with her fingers as the valedictorian began her speech. She wondered if Brittany had actually shown up.
She was nervous about graduating and about seeing Brittany, but it was a separate thought that plagued her mind with complete anxiety.
Ever since she left Brittany's apartment weeks before, Quinn's advice would not stop echoing through her head.
Stop running
Santana was always openly welcomed into Brittany's apartment, into her space. It hurt to be shut out, and it was even more painful to acknowledge the fact that it was her own fault. She couldn't blame Brooklyn for trying to protect her from her sister.
Now, her eyes were open to everything she was missing out on because her first instinct was to flee when she was scared, and the one thing that scared her most was being abandoned. Up until then, the only viable solution to being left behind that Santana had was to run like hell, to leave before you get left.
But for the first time, she didn't want to run any longer. What she found in Brittany was worth sticking around for.
It didn't stop at her relationship with Brittany. She was tired of running in general.
She looked around the venue at all of her peers. She was friends with so many of her classmates, but none of them saw the real her, and not for lack of effort. She clung to her confident, social, popular persona for her entire college career.
It was a heavy realization to have in the middle of her graduation ceremony. Tears welled up in her eyes as she comprehended that she was not as in control of herself as she acted and assumed. Her fear was controlling her.
She wiggled her toes and fingers to remind herself that, yes, she was in control of herself.
Her scan over the audience to look for Brittany was a hopeless feat, as hundreds of people were packed in the venue.
The sound of clapping and cheering yanked her out of her thoughts, and before she knew it, her class prepared to walk the stage.
…
"Ana Lopez." The announcer's voice boomed through the venue.
Maribel Lopez excitedly rechecked the graduate list. Santana was just two names away.
"Noah Lopez."
She was so incredibly proud of her daughter. Maribel couldn't wait to post the graduation pictures on Facebook for all the naysayers to see. Thinking about how her ex-husband was absent from that moment, she felt pity for him. His ignorance caused him to miss seeing their beautiful girl succeed and conquer the world. She held her phone camera steady, ready to capture the moment.
"Santana Lopez."
Maribel, alongside some of their family friends (Including Kurt's father, Burt), hooped and hollered loudly as Santana walked across the stage, shook the chancellor's hand, and flashed an award-winning smile at the crowd. Maribel was pretty sure she messed up the video with all of her cheering and movement, but she couldn't contain the pride spewing out of her. Her friends were just as loud. They watched on as Santana accepted her diploma.
From across the venue, Brittany noticed Santana's loud group of cheerleaders and smiles. Out of the Hispanic ladies jumping and screaming, she assumed Satana's mother was the one yelling the loudest.
…
After the ceremony, Santana finds Kurt and their families in the huge crowd after receiving congratulations and taking photos with several of the staff and student body.
"MIJA!" Her mother exclaimed when she saw her. She handed her a bouquet of pink and yellow flowers and wrapped her daughter in a bear hug.
"You did it, Santanita, estoy tan orgulloso de ti!" She laughed.
Santana didn't get a chance to recover before being hugged and fussed over by her mother's friends and high-fived by Burt.
When everyone got their sentiments out, they took pictures of Santana and Kurt together in their matching gowns.
"Santana!" Someone called from behind her. She turned around and saw Vince and Vida smiling at her behind huge flower bouquets. "We have to get pictures!"
"It's crowded in here. We'll meet you out front when you're done taking pictures." Her mother provided. She and the rest of their group started for the doors.
Santana giggled as Vince and Vida smushed her between their bodies for the picture. They did various poses, the twins congratulated Santana on the internship, and they parted ways.
Santana and Kurt were about to look for their parents again when a tap on her shoulder stopped the brunette in her tracks.
She turned around and was met with her favorite pair of blue eyes for the first time in weeks.
"Brittany," Santana startled, somehow surprised to see her even though she told her she'd be there. "You made it."
Kurt smiled knowingly and squeezed Santana on the arm.
"I'll see you. I'm gonna catch up to my pop."
He walked away, and Santana was left standing in front of Brittany. The blonde looked gorgeous. She was wearing a simple light green dress; Santana immediately recognized it as one that she'd picked out for her on one of their many impromptu mall trips.
It was the first time they'd seen each other since the morning of their falling out, and Santana looked at Brittany in almost disbelief, like she was expecting her to disintegrate into thin air at any moment. The rhythm of her heart skipped and accelerated in her chest.
Thump Thump
"I wasn't gonna miss this," Brittany muttered, a small smile curving her lips despite her efforts to keep Santana halfway in the doghouse.
She smiled back at her easily. Every bone in her body screamed to hug Brittany and have her in her arms, to communicate her apologies and feelings by wrapping her up and kissing her. She knew it wasn't the time for that and opted for words instead.
"Brittany, I'm so sorry," Santana started, already feeling emotion bubble in her throat. She shook her head profusely as she spoke, "I didn't mean any of it. I didn't mean it, please."
Taking a deep breath to prevent her emotions from getting the best of her, she continued.
"I should have never said those things or strung you along for so long."
Brittany held her breath. Was Santana actually acknowledging what she'd been refusing to for months?
"What you said to me that morning… you were right. I have been treating you like shit and expecting you to go along with my every whim or urge without considering your feelings. I've been keeping you at arm's length, but it's not because I hate you, Brittany. No, you were wrong about that. That couldn't be further from the truth."
Santana looked down at the floor before meeting Brittany's eyes again and taking another breath, continuing at Brittany's awaiting expression.
"The truth is, I'm scared. I like you so much, Brittany, I've never- The way I feel about you is unlike anything I've every experienced before. I don't know how to manage this."
Blue eyes searched brown ones for any signs of dishonestly. Finding none, she scrambled to search her mind for a response. Was this truly the reason Santana acted the way she did? She was too overwhelmed by her feelings? The explanation almost seemed too good to be true. This was more than Santana had ever divulged to her regarding her feelings before, but she had no way of knowing if she was serious after having her feelings toyed with for months.
"You don't have to say anything now," Santana rushed out. "I need to work on my shit, I know. I will. I just need to jump in and face my fears at the root."
She didn't know exactly how she would do that, but she was sure she could come up with something. Maybe she could write down everything she was scared of in a journal, being completely honest? Maybe therapy was the answer? Although she never saw herself as someone who went to therapy, it certainly wouldn't hurt…
Maybe she could reach back out to her father. Hell, she might need to go back to Texas.
The place where her world crumbled apart, where the people she missed most were.
Where Valeria and the rest of her little cousins have wondered about where she went.
"That's just it, though," Brittany finally spoke, breaking Santana's train of thought. "I can help you. You've helped me so much with the shit I need to work on. If you would let me in, I'd do everything to try to return the favor."
Santana's mind processed the words carefully. Knowing that Brittany was willing to stick around through her issues lifted a weight off of her shoulders.
"Thank you, Britt, it's-" Gratefulness overwhelmed her, and she offered a watery smile. "It's really good to hear that."
Santana's phone started buzzing in her hand. She looked down at the screen to see her mother calling her, undoubtedly trying to find her in the crowds.
"I gotta go find my mom before she finds a way to get on the intercom. Do you wanna come say hi?"
"I have to head out and pick up my little sister, but thank you. Speaking of Brooke, she tells me that the two of you met." Brittany cringed. She instantly regretted bringing the topic up because she knew that Santana was aware of the embarrassing fact that she had told her little sister things about their relationship that made Brooklyn act unfriendly towards her.
"Yeah, I don't think she's my biggest fan."
"She just… wasn't expecting anyone. Sorry about that."
Santana waved her off with her hand. She didn't quite buy it, but it was okay. She figured she kind of deserved it.
Reluctant to go, they said their goodbyes, and Brittany turned to leave, but she turned back and swooped Santana in a crushing hug. All the breath was taken out of the smaller girl with the force of the hug, but she wrapped her arms around her all the same.
When they finally parted, Santana beelined to her mom and uttered words Maribel never thought she would hear from her daughter's mouth.
"I'm going back to Texas."
Happy New Year, Readers! I have some disjointed, random thoughts to share, so here they are:
Happy Birthday, Naya! You are so loved 33
I may or may not have snuck some usernames of the people who have commented on this story into the livestreams, who noticed? I think I'll start doing it more often if yall like it :)
The next chapter is a Santana POV, so get excited for that :)))
Let You Break My Heart Again and Promise by Laufey are Brittany's lovesick anthems rn, I luvv Laufey yall should listen to those 3
If you're ever wondering what Brooklyn looks like, I have unintentionally cast her as Saylor Curda in my head (shoutout to hsmtmts for that one)
I've been struggling with my writing, my extended break made me really rusty and this chapter honestly didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it to :( If yall have any constructive criticism feel free to comment, I am always looking for ways to improve.
See you next chapter!