I do not own Invader Zim, okay? I know it's been a while since I updated this but hey life gets in the way and can make inspiration hard. Anyway, enough of the A/N, on with the fic!
Tak sighed as she looked at the computer screen. Pitiful human technology, on Irk all this paperwork and bookkeeping would be done much faster. She thought as she growled as the computer froze. "ARRRRRGHH!" She said as she slammed her fist down on the desk, careful not to do more than leave a mark on the plush black cat beside the keyboard. She had once broken the keyboard in frustration and Mrs. Lopez was irate with her. She had to go into Las Vegas and buy a new one herself and she would not allow her to just order one off the internet. She would not want to do that for a whole new computer. If I had my ship, I could improve this thing. I think it's older than Dib would be…. He said he turned 21 recently. Tak paused. "Fuck this thing is old!" She yelled.
"Uhhhh…. Kat?" One of the girls who worked there asked. "You alright?"
"What is it, Vanessa?" Tak asked. "Need me to take care of a john for you?" She said with an evil smirk. It was her favorite part of the job. She stood up for the women who worked in the brothel but at the same time it was a way for her to get out her aggression. Years of being rejected and forced to do things that were beneath her were let out on men who crawled into the desert to have a good time but refused to pay the price that came with it.
"You like that part of the job waaaaay too much." Vanessa sighed. Tak shrugged and turned back to the computer.
"I think you and I can agree that it would be better than trying to keep track of the business records with a machine that is over 2 decades old. I mean if Mrs. Lopez would let me at it, I could make this so much better." Tak growled. "She's done so much for me so she's better than most old people I've met filling me with the whole 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' bullshit but still. It's the 21st fucking century. She can't keep running old equipment."
"Oh, it's got Vista on it." Vanessa said. "I had that for my first laptop, and it sucked back in 2008." She rolled her eyes. "Got to pay that 120000 in student loans somehow."
"What did you study?" Tak asked.
"Astronomy." Vanessa sighed. "I went to the PhD level and well, couldn't get a job in that so I tried everything else. Tried teaching science for a while but those kids are so stupid and pay so low, this proved better." She looked down and sighed. "You must think me pathetic."
"No, you're a victim of a system that sets you up for failure while promising you the world for it. I totally understand." Tak said. More than you ever will know. And why Irkens and humans can be so alike…. She thought.
Vanessa smiled. "You're so understanding Kat."
Meanwhile, Professor Membrane was searching through the garage. He had a new experiment that he wanted to try at home, but his basement lab was already full. He had toyed with the idea of converging Dib or Gaz's room into a secondary lab as they were both in college now and away from home more often than not so the rooms wouldn't be needed. However, this idea was abandoned when he was starting to package up Gaz's murderous dolls and he was attacked by one of them. This was when Gaz had come home, backpack half slung over her shoulder, face growing full of rage. "How many times do I have to tell people STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!" She yelled.
"But daughter…." He began, ready to lecture Gaz that this was his house, and she was his child, and she should listen to him, but the doll snarled and tried to bite at his neck.
"My room is my sanctuary and that is to be respected. I thought you were smarter than Dib on the matter." She yelled.
"Yes but…." He began, fear taking over him.
"But nothing! If you need somewhere to put some of your project stuff, there's the garage. Dib's left his projects there and I think he's out dying in the desert somewhere." Gaz said.
"Ah he just needs to sow his wild oats. I figured that since he had turned 21 this past fall that he was going to do that." Professor Membrane said. "I do hope he hasn't gotten in with an unsavory lot. You do know the stories."
"Dad," Gaz rolled her eyes, "1. The mafia doesn't have the presence in Las Vegas as it had back in the day. Trust me." Professor Membrane did not dare ask how she knew this. "Doesn't mean other criminal gangs don't have presences there, but I can't imagine Dib running afoul of any of them. Criminal Justice classes." She spoke. Gaz was in college too but hadn't picked between video game design or something involving punishment or robotics. Dad will likely push the robotics thing seeing what I did with my dolls She thought. "And you do know what isn't too far from Las Vegas right?"
"My poor insane son…. Area 51 is nothing like the legends say. Nothing! It's just where the government tests top secret technology, some which I helped design for them. It's going to be just like when he went to West Virginia last summer chasing old mountain folklore…. I mean the Flatwoods Monster is what happens when you see a barn owl while intoxicated on questionable distilled liquors while living on a diet of pepperoni rolls." Gaz shook her head at her father's attitude. "And since coal mining is on the decline, they have nothing left but to try and profit from the lore. I'm surprised you didn't go with him. Isn't that one game you like to play set there?"
"Fallout 76 Dad." Gaz sighed.
"My word! There are 75 other versions?" He asked.
"No, forget it. Besides, would you want to be on a trip with Dib alone in the woods?" Gaz asked.
"I see what you mean." Professor Membrane sighed. "My poor insane son." He repeated.
Taking Gaz's advice, he headed to the garage. He had hardly been in here since he perfected teleportation between his house and the lab. It allowed him to be at home when people said he was overworking himself but allowed him a way to head back to the labs in case someone got the mixture all wrong. Again. For the world's best scientists from all the best Universities from all over the world, you would think they wouldn't be so stupid. Then again, Rusty blew off that German exchange student's jaw all those years ago... He pondered as he opened the door with a bit of struggle and looked at what he saw inside. His eyes widened as he headed over to the ship and looked at it. Gaz had said that Dib had been working on his alien spaceship for years now. It was long, sleek and looked out of this world. "Dib built this?" he said as he ran his hand across it. With this, the pod opened up and Professor Membrane stepped inside.
"Fingerprint ID required!" A voice that sounded like Tak's said.
"My son must have really missed that girl who was the heiress to the Deelicious Weenie fortune..." Professor Membrane said. "But let's see." He said taking his glove off the one arm that wasn't torn off on in an experiment to help domesticate the Great White Shark and pressed it to the scanner.
"Fingerprint match! Dib, now please a sample of your hair." The voice said as a claw reached up and pulled a hair from Professor Membrane's scythe of hair. "DNA accepted! Although Dib, what have you been doing to make your hair so old?"
"Oh, that's right, he doesn't know..." Professor Membrane said as he sighed, realizing that Dib had put protections he had thought would only allow him through but there was the fact that Dib was a direct clone of Professor Membrane, so he could get past Dib's DNA and fingerprint locks. If he had known that he would likely have done something else to prevent me from getting access. Although why he would not want me to see this is insane! He actually used his obsession with aliens and extraterrestrial life to come up with a personal travel convince that uses perpetual fusion to go long distances. He tried to read the markings on the dashboard. "Although I have no idea his secret code for the vital information" he said.
"It's Irken Dib! You should know this as much as you chase after that idiot Zim!" Tak's ship said. "And last summer you could have summoned me to save you if you weren't so idiotic after getting lost in the West Virginia wilderness. I happen to know the Flatwoods monster and the Hopkinsville Goblin personally!"
Professor Membrane sighed. So, the AI of this ship is in the voice of that girl who actually seemed to like him from back in elementary school and responds with his insane ideas and that rivalry he had with that foreign kid. He thought. He held up his watch to ask Dib about this but paused. He was sure that Dib was having fun all on his own and would not want his father disturbing him. He did remember that the ship thought he was Dib and wanted to test its flight capability. Since puberty people said their voices still sounded similar but yet a little different. Doing his best Dib impression, he said. "Uhhhhh can you take me to that town near where I got lost last summer. Those pepperoni rolls were awesome."
"You may also want to seek out some cold medicine or moonshine as you sound like you are starting to get an upper respiratory infection." The ship said as it blast out of the garage and headed to a small restaurant in Flatwoods West Virginia. "We're here. Get those pepperoni rolls and let's go."
Professor Membrane looked up in shock. He was here, in West Virgnia and it hardly took a blink of an eye. He knew it was around 500 miles and a typical flight usually took about an hour for that distance. Sensing that the ship had a temper and would likely leave him, he headed into the restaurant and got an order of pepperoni rolls to go and headed back. Once home, he headed into the kitchen still eating the pepperoni roll and began to wonder just what Dib had done to achieve this on a ship and what this fantasy Irken language that he and Zim used in their acting and rivalry. "Maybe Dib isn't completely insane, just misunderstood and had a fantastic imagination.
Dib sighed as he scrolled though his phone. He had taken a lot of work to get the standard OS on it off and an opensource OS that the Swollen Eyeball had made for its members that kept all government agencies out. "Come on, there has to be service out here!" He moaned.
"It comes and goes. Must have a sucky provider." Tak said as she carried it in a box that Mrs. Lopez had given her. "Mrs. Lopez made you some Elote and Frescas."
"That's odd..." Dib said, wondering why she would make him that out of the blue. She had fed him a heartly burrito meal with tons of chips and salsa and would not likely be hungry again for a while.
"She's your typical grandmother. You're not going to leave here without gaining 20 pounds." Tak laughed. "And she said this would remind you of your heritage."
"I never said I was Mexican..." Dib said. "Or at least I don't recall if I did."
"I mean I told her what you said about your abuela and your father's rant in Spanish when you asked about it." Tak shrugged.
"Yeah, but isn't it presumptuous to assume I'm of Mexican descent. You know how many countries speak Spanish?" Dib said. "I mean when I was in Las Vegas, there was so many different Spanish cultures featured in El Mercado."
"Just let her have this and eat the food." Tak said. "Besides, I am going to help you to your car when you do get well enough to trek through the desert again. That's if Mrs. Lopez doesn't find some way to keep you around here forever against your will."
"I thought she took you in after you were left for dead Kat." Dib said. "Not like your prisoner."
"Guess I am not." Tak laughed. "But she treated me better than anyone ever really did..." She looked away knowing that when she had come to Earth the first time, Dib was one who actually seemed to respect her intellect and treat her like a sentient being with feelings, thoughts, emotions and desires. She almost felt sorry to destroy him with the Earth as it went along. "However, I have a code of honor and I help those who help me. And it's not like I have much waiting for me back home..." She looked towards the sky in the window. Irk wouldn't have her after her failure. And she never felt like she could fit in with normal humans and something about Mrs. Lopez told her that she was different than most humans. She could swear she wasn't fully human and had some weird secret. But then again if she felt that there was something one could say supernatural about Mrs. Lopez, then Dib had to feel it too.
"Well, it's hard to get a job these days. Some of my roommates from college would likely have a hard time if they didn't have the connections they did. They were so weird..." Dib said.
"Oh, you are one to talk." Tak said.
"Point taken." Dib said as he took the box and bit into the corn angerly and started to nibble on it like a squirrel.
Tak smiled and quickly held her hand to her mouth to cover it up. It reminded her of when they first met. Mrs. Lopez said everything happens for a reason and it caused her to wonder. Humans often said this when they were trying to cope with tragedy. If there was a reason for it, it made it easier to take and handle. But she was an Irken and knew better than to believe in superstation. Just pure logic. Was it likely that Dib would pass out in the desert trying to get to Area 51? Well, something like that was more than just likely, some would argue it was only a matter of time until it happened. But her crashing in this area and being the one to find him when it did happen, it did make her wonder at times. Pulling out her phone, she opened up the weather. "Looks like Wednesday we get a break in the heat. 99 for the high with some clouds."
"99 is a break in the heat?" Dib yelled looking up from his chipmunk mind on the elote. Tak looked at him like she was angry at his idiocy.
"Where are we?" she asked, speaking to him like a child.
"The Nevada desert." Dib moaned like he was a scolded child.
"And what are deserts famous for in the summer?" Tak continued her preschool teacher act.
"Being very hot and dry." Dib rolled his eyes. "And that hot and dry is why I nearly died. Even though it wasn't entirely my fault. I was being chased after all. I knew to bring water with me and..." Dib said when Tak cut him off.
"Just shut up. You need me to drive you or you're walking all that way back. So, Wednesday it is." Tak said. "Got it?"
"Understood." Dib moaned as he turned the TV on the local news station.
"You like this show?" Tak said confused as why Dib would like something like The Big Bang Theory.
"It's okay. Give me hope that somehow, I won't end up alone..." Dib moaned. "And it's the best thing on. If that says anything
"Whatever." Tak shrugged. "But yes, television choices are limited and while I have been begging Mrs. Lopez to upgrade the TVs to allow streaming, she is stuck in her ways with technology. Well because of that, I have work to do." She left as she saw Vanessa laughing at her. "Oh, what failure?"
"Seems I struck a nerve. But you're taking quite the care of that Dib kid." She laughed.
"Because Mrs. Lopez wants me to because he nearly died like an idiot in the desert." Tak blushed and stormed off, giving Vanessa the finger, who shrugged and headed back to the office to wait for her next client. Why do people keep thinking there's something between Dib and I, it's a freaky reunion. Nothing more nothing less. And once he gets back to his car, there won't be anything more to it! She thought as she threw the door to the office open and slammed it shut.
So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? Let me know in a review. Yes, I worked some blatant Venture Bros references there. I did start an IZ/Venture Bros crossover, but I lost steam on that. The idea is adoptable, or I encourage you to try your own. You only get better with this stuff by doing it. Other than that, remember to read, well you just did, and review. Ciao for now,
Otherrealmwriter
Aka
Realm.