Thank you so much for the sweet reviews. I've loved every single one.
Much tweaking has occurred since yesterday's part one, so please accept my apology if you find mistakes.
October 2023 - Sydney, Australia
Mom and Dad are beside themselves when I tell them we're coming for Christmas, and they immediately want to know how long we can stay. When they start talking about celebrating Thanksgiving together, I can think of nothing better than Finn spending weeks in his American grandparents' world, learning they're more than just images he sees on a computer screen. There's also much we can do to help at this busy time of the year, and I'm full of ideas for Finn's first trip to Alaska, but I suspect I'd be pushing my luck asking Masen to go for over a month.
When Jenks asks Masen to continue until mid-December, I imagine taking Finn on his first-ever flight on my own and decide I can wait. But as so often happens in this strange cosmos we inhabit, an alternative is offered up to me. Mom contacts Esme to invite them to join us, and suddenly Esme is rushing to get their passports. One of Carlisle's colleagues has broken his leg before taking out travel insurance, and while they've been able to cancel their accommodations and convert their flights to credits, it looked like they were going to lose their money on a twelve-day rail journey across Canada.
Due to the unforeseen circumstances, the rail company is generously (or not so generously if you ask Carlisle) allowing the transfer of names on the tickets for a further 25% of the fare, and since the Edwards haven't been out of the country in over a decade, it's an opportunity they can't turn down. They're going to spend Thanksgiving in Anchorage and then fly to Vancouver where they'll be boarding the train to Toronto. After seeing Niagara Falls, Montreal, and Boston, they're spending Christmas with friends in New York.
Now Esme and Carlisle are flying with me, and both sets of grandparents will be together for Thanksgiving! Having Masen with us would have been perfect, but it's still going to be a wonderful experience for Finn. With our flights booked, I need to get my son his first passport.
After watching the terrible fire season engulf so much of the northern hemisphere, it's frightening when we get very hot weather in October and uncontained fires torching many of the same forests that were affected in 2019, putting early strains on emergency services. Knowing Emmett would get called up to fight the fires, I'm so worried about Rose with three-year-old Cameron and Noah, who's four months old, and I panic when I hear reports that it's already too late to evacuate parts of Gippsland—relieved when Rose assures me the blazes are a long way west of them.
Masen comes home exhausted when Australia votes against enshrining an indigenous voice in the constitution. He's done all he can, speaking to hundreds of people at voting centers across Sydney, but the outcome is almost identical to the 1999 referendum which asked Australians to break away from the British monarchy and become a republic. The inner-city areas have voted yes overwhelmingly and the outer suburbs no, so it's clear that a universal method of messaging across the capital cities was always doomed to fail.
Jenks is in mourning, certain the question will never be raised again, but ready for a new fight to begin. Analyzing the results, they will examine why regional Australia voted so strongly against the Voice, and why the indigenous vote is mostly yes while there are remote communities where the negative result seems inexplicable.
At the end of October, Dad sends a video of guests he took to Rabbit Lake, experiencing the rarity of the lake freezing over before the snow started falling. With no vegetation or soil to make the water murky, skaters are able to see all the way to the bottom, and I'm so jealous, having never known the phenomenon existed.
Two weeks later, Rabbit Lake is covered in two feet of snow, and the weather gurus are sensationalizing the record conditions. Yes, it's early and a lot of snow at once, but it's just another winter storm for the locals. Seeing reports of cars negotiating deep icy ruts in the road, Masen's anxiety starts to peak, and he really doesn't want any of us going without him. All I can do is assure him that this is normal for Alaska and ask him to trust me, just as I trust him during the extreme heat and fires Australians experience at Christmas.
Masen is angry when he finds out he'll be away when we fly out, and I'm running out of time to finish the documentary by the deadline. With him piling more stress on me, my PMS is horrible, and I leave Australia, traveling with a period that's no more than spotting.
Each flight is full, and it's twenty-eight hours via Los Angeles and Seattle. I bring Finn's favorite snacks, and we take turns with him on our laps, but he wants his own seat and tray table. The flight attendants do their best to fuss over him, but his initial fascination with being in the plane quickly turns into restless irritability. I never thought this would be easy, but he doesn't understand the concept of equalizing, screaming loudly with earaches when we land, and while he gets some relief from a dose of ibuprofen, he looks at me as if I'm crazy when we're boarding our second and third flights.
We eventually touch down at Tom Stevens, and Anchorage has turned on a cool five degrees Fahrenheit and clear skies for our welcome. I call Lothar once we've collected our luggage and donned our winter jackets, and he soon brings the van outside Baggage Claim where another two couples are also transferring to Midnight Sun. Lothar is a peculiar character, speaking his own version of German English, but a loyal employee for fifteen years. He has no family in the States, fondly referring to the Swans as his sippschaft, and I feel quite emotional introducing him to my son.
Finn is wide-eyed as he takes in the snowy world outside, keeping an arm tightly wound round my neck. While he's seen photos and videos of snow before, I wonder if this feels like a dream after having so little sleep. He won't let me go, his face snuggling in against my neck, so since I know Masen will be closely following the weather, I ask Carlisle to send him a picture of the sunshine and calm conditions.
Superlatives are thrown about as we catch our first glimpse of the body of water called Turnagain Arm from the Seward Highway, and I love seeing Esme and Carlisle's reaction to the beauty of the place. Lothar stops at Beluga Point so we can get out and experience the amazing air, and everyone has their phones lifted to capture postcard shots of the snowy mountains reflected in the water.
When we turn onto Rainbow Valley Road, I can't help thinking how my life has changed in five years. When I left, I was so excited to begin the assignment in South Africa but concerned how the new relationship with my Australian boyfriend would survive the time and distance apart. I never realized my love for him would steer me toward the place I was meant to be.
I get quite weepy sitting next to my son and watching the way the trees hold the snow. It's like two worlds colliding in the most familiar way, and the tears pour out of me when I see my mother bouncing with excitement when we arrive. Leaving Finn strapped in, I race to her, and we hug, both of us bawling.
"It's Grandma, Finn. Grandma," I remind Finn when I'm getting him out of the van, knowing how much Mom has been looking forward to this moment. We've already discussed that he'll need to warm up to them in his own way, aware it might take hours or days.
He is tentative, and I'm explaining that he's exhausted and overwhelmed by the journey when he smiles and leans into Mom's arms, turning me into a blubbering mess. Esme puts a comforting arm around me, and Carlisle takes a picture of the four of us to record the momentous occasion.
"Where's Dad?" I ask, wanting a picture of all the grandparents in front of the hotel while the weather's holding.
"There are problems with the plumbing," Mom replies.
"Sounds familiar," I remark, remembering how the same thing happened to us in Finland.
"Your father is under a lot of pressure at the moment."
I imagine they're all stressed when this holiday season is their busiest time of the year, and I hope to share the load.
We go inside to find a fair-haired woman behind the reception desk, talking animatedly to one of the two couples who came with us in the van. The way she waves at Mom holding Finn makes me think she's been waiting for this, too, but she directs her attention to the guests checking in. Esme examines the native art on the walls, asking how she might meet local artists, and Mom suggests the Christmas Holiday Market at the Alaska Native Heritage Center.
With the guests off to their cottage, the woman comes over, smiling at Finn, and Mom introduces her as Heidi, their housekeeper. She must have heard the conversation because she says the Christmas Market won't open until December 7th, the day before they leave, and I'm impressed she's remembered or thought to look it up. The smell of brewed coffee and sizzling pine cones has always made the hotel feel welcoming, and this lady fits right in.
"You're upstairs in your old room, Bella, with a portable cot for our little man. The Edwards are at the end of the hall."
"Can I get the bags?" Carlisle asks.
Heidi shakes her head but smiles as if she appreciates the offer. "Lothar will bring them up for you."
"I'd really rather earn my keep," he says sincerely, and Heidi bows her head slightly.
"As you wish, Dr. Edwards. You will find them on the porch."
"Doctor? It's Carlisle and Esme." He chuckles and Esme wiggles her fingers. "We're just the in-laws, you know."
"Well, Carlisle, to me you are family, so you're on top of my VIP list."
"I feel very special, then. Thank you." He's plainly falling under the spell of this lovely woman's charm. What an asset she is for their business.
Carlisle and Esme go up to their room, but I'm buzzing with the exhilaration of being here. It wouldn't be right to put Finn down to sleep before he's seen his grandfather, and I adore watching Mom show him around the hotel.
They've replaced the old wood fireplace with a stunning gas fire. "Love the fire, Mom, but how come it still smells of pine cones in here?"
"Roasted pine cone fragrance oil—Heidi's idea for a signature fragrance."
"Gramma, Moose!" Finn sings out, and sure enough, there's a moose about 100 yards away, lazily chewing on the twigs of some low trees. The guests, enjoying their afternoon coffee and cake, get up at the sight of the giant animal.
"It's the first one we've seen for ages," Mom explains, and I just know it won't be the last.
"Moose, Gramma, Moose!" Finn holds his arms out toward the animal as if he's desperate to get up close, and I can just imagine the meltdown we'll trigger by saying no to him.
"Trust me?" Mom asks, and I step back to let her carry him out the door. I can't hear what she's saying but I watch as she steers him from squirming out of her arms to looking from her to the moose, to acceptance when they come back inside. She's blowing on his hands, his cheeks are red, and they're both shivering. "Only some animals can go outside when it's freezing. Isn't that right, Finn? We have to wear special clothes, gloves, hats, and boots, or the cold will get us."
"Cold. Cold," he winces as he trembles, still staring at the moose, and I admire her insight in taking him out there to experience the reality for himself.
As if they planned it, Dad walks past the windows in full winter gear with Embry and Paul in tow. "It's Grandpa!" I squeal and take Finn around to meet him at the side door.
"Dad!" I call out as I enter the mud room, and his mouth gapes open as if he didn't know we'd arrived. It takes him a minute to unwind the long scarf and remove his cold weather clothes before rocking us both in a hug. Finn is obviously a little wary of this big mountain man and his chilly embrace, but he doesn't cower away.
"Did you see the moose, Finn?" Dad asks, prompting Finn's smile.
"Yep, the moose ate sticks," he responds, the longest sentence he's ever constructed.
"Sticks and twigs are what they eat in winter, but moose want to be left alone to choose the best ones for themselves. They get angry or run away if we go near them."
I love how my parents are teaching him about the cold and approaching wildlife in a way he can easily understand.
Sighing, Dad asks, "Where are Carlisle and Esme?"
"Resting I believe. It wasn't exactly an easy trip." His eyes flick to Finn and he tickles his cheek. "I hear you've had plumbing problems?"
Shaking his head, he says, "We've discovered the four new cottages have water pipes installed above the frost line so they're now freezing. The boys are going to install heating lines to get us through the winter, and we'll excavate to rectify it properly come spring." He puts an arm on my shoulder. "I'm getting too old for this, Bells."
When he walks ahead of us, I notice how much he's grayed. I guess he is in his sixties, and they have come through a pandemic, but the years have taken a toll.
We follow him into the kitchen where he opens a cupboard and takes a tablet, throwing it down with a glass of water. Mom stares at him but looks away when he challenges her with a raised eyebrow. He asks Finn if he's ready to try on his snowsuit and boots, and they go off together to my delight.
I meet Chelsea, the woman who is currently working as the hotel's chef. Employing a chef is new, but they have twenty cottages now, and Mom can't cope with only a couple of itinerant kitchen staff to help. Chelsea endears herself to me immediately by saying that everything on their dinner menus is safe for Finn.
They've been trialing Charlotte's vegan recipes and receiving good feedback, so the menus for Thanksgiving and Christmas will include dishes like her incredible vegan cornbread, roasted cauliflower with tahini and almonds, wild mushroom stroganoff, and mashed potatoes, as well as candied yams and green beans tossed in vegan butters. Along with roast turkey, reindeer sausages, prime rib, and local salmon, followed by plum pudding, salted chocolate cream tart, and a vegan yule log, just the thought of it is making me hungry.
I open the fridge where we've always kept our family food and instantly relax, seeing the non-dairy items I requested already there.
Sunset is just after four, so it's almost dark when Finn is testing out his winter gear for the first time. After a bath, he goes down without a fight, and I leave him in his cot with a baby monitor. Since the sun won't rise until nine thirty, I'm hoping he'll sleep right through.
After a few hours, Carlisle and Esme are refreshed enough to come downstairs where we eat at the family table in the room off the kitchen.
Unfortunately, Dad isn't feeling well, saying he has heartburn and taking another tablet from the cupboard.
"What's that you're taking, Charlie?" Carlisle asks him.
"Nexium. I've had some heartburn lately."
"Have you had an endoscope?" Carlisle can't help being a doctor.
"Carlisle?" Esme gives him a look that says he's being inappropriate.
Mom chips in. "No, he hasn't seen a doctor, and he's been living on antacids lately."
The two men share a look I can't make out, and the subject is dropped. Maybe it's secret men's business.
The next day, I'm failing to build a snowman for Finn. There hasn't been any fresh snow lately, and what's around doesn't want to cooperate.
Embry comes up to us, grinning. "I heard you were back for the holidays! This your boy?"
"Finn, this is Embry. We both grew up here. Where are you living now?"
"We got an apartment at Girdwood. Did you know I married Logan Mallory?"
"No!" I smile, glad he didn't choose Lauren, someone I hope to never lay eyes on again.
"Logan actually works here as a housemaid."
"Oh, well I hope to see her, then." Logan was two years younger, and Lauren was always trying to get rid of her when we were young, so we were never close. She must be about thirty now. "Any kids?"
"Not yet. We only got married this year. Had to postpone twice because of covid. You were lucky to scrape in before it all started. I remember because we repaired the roof when they went to Australia. Lately, it feels like the pandemic never happened."
I shrug, imagining it must be like that for a lot of people, but I've just spent a year recording stories of people who were hit hardest, and some of them haven't been so lucky. I feel like he would be shocked if he watched the documentary.
"Why don't you come up for a visit while you're here? It's very convenient for skiing the mountain."
Finn looks from me to Embry as if he's had enough of our conversation. "Mom," he whines, pulling on my hand.
"That sounds great. Thanks." I would love to take Masen to the place where I learned to ski, and he definitely enjoyed Saariselkä. It's just that it was a long time ago now.
"Okay, well I should get back to work," he says with a salute. "Let's see if we can find a free date."
"Mom!" Finn yanks me away and I apologize before we go back inside.
It must be one of those days because I can hear Dad in the kitchen losing his temper with someone on the phone. "I am not paying courier charges for an order that should have been delivered weeks ago. I don't care! It's Thanksgiving in two days!"
He growls at the phone as he ends the call. He's sweaty and pale—really worked up over whatever just happened—and I see Mom is concerned.
"What is it, Dad?"
"I'm just sick of people's incompetence! We paid three hundred bucks for a special order of handmade rock candy incorporating our logo, and it should have been here at the beginning of November! We have all the bags and tags ready to sell them over the holidays, and now it's going to be a mad dash to get them done in time. I don't need this at the moment!"
"Where are they now?" I ask, worried about the state he's working himself into.
"They're in Anchorage, so why is this so hard?" He gets another Nexium from the cupboard.
"Dad, I'll drive up and get them. Surely you must need other things as well."
"Charlie?" Mum comes over, using her calming voice. "Lothar is picking up passengers tomorrow, and he will get whatever we want."
Dad runs a hand into his hair and looks at her. "Okay. Okay," he concedes and then storms off, leaving us all in shock.
Carlisle opens the cupboard and pulls out the box of tablets. "How many of these does he take in a day?"
"Two, three, sometimes more?" Mom states.
"For how long?"
"A few weeks," she admits.
Carlisle takes the box with him and leaves us to wonder what he intends to do.
When the ambulance pulls up out front, it feels like a dream. The cuff I brought along to check my blood pressure has recorded 200/120 for Dad, and Carlisle believes this reading, along with the heartburn symptoms, could indicate something serious. Maybe to break the tension, he says to me, "Now we know where you get it from," and I laugh, but only for a second.
Mom eventually calls from the hospital to say Dad has been very lucky. He hasn't had an actual heart attack, but they've identified three blockages that require immediate stents. She's going to stay with him overnight.
I call Masen that night and tell him about Dad, but don't say how frightened we were. I won't share my fears about what might have happened if Carlisle hadn't been here until my father is home.
The procedure they perform on Dad is so common that he's back in just two days with a list of lifestyle changes and some new medications. He's limited to light exercise for a week, and between us, we intend to share his workload for the holidays. He and Carlisle pack the candies into their little cellophane bags, and they are the cutest things I've ever seen with Midnight Sun and a reindeer on their face. The combination of chocolate and mint is so divine that it's really not fair when they leave a bowl of them at reception, and I've already put on a couple of pounds.
Chelsea is amazing, and her husband, Steve, is a great help clearing snow when he's not working. Embry takes over the maintenance tasks in the cottages, and Esme joins us in the kitchen for dinner services.
Dad has a lot of spare time to spend with Finn, and Carlisle accompanies them for their daily walks. While it's not the vacation I had planned for the Edwards, there is something about this coming together and supporting each other that feels like the true spirit of Christmas.
Finn is mesmerized the day we put up the Christmas decorations, and he does well looking after the ornaments on the low branches of the tree. I wish I had thought to bring the bird Masen gave me from the Tjanpi Desert since it looked so pretty on this tree the last time we were here.
"You're not coming back here to live, are you?" Dad asks as he holds up a star with patchy glitter I made in elementary school.
"I haven't lived here since I was eighteen, Dad. You know Australia is my home now."
"We will never be able to spend Christmas with you in Australia, but I want us to see each other more often than this. I never held my grandson as a baby—"
Finn is looking up at him, maybe understanding after what he saw when Grandpa went away in the ambulance. Dad hands me the star and wipes tears from his eyes before taking a step away, but I hold onto his arm. "Don't go, please. I never saw my grandfather cry."
We hug. We both break down. We laugh at ourselves. He places my hand on his heart and we promise to make time to see each other once a year. It doesn't need to be at Christmas, either, because we'll connect as a family and celebrate our own special time.
Masen comes early on December 5th, and I bring Finn as Lothar is dropping off and picking up guests. What Masen doesn't know is that we're coming back for a flightseeing trip over the Denali National Park on the 7th. Carlisle and Esme have given us so much, and while I know this was just a side trip for them, I want them to have an amazing Alaskan experience. I'm hoping to include a visit to the artists at the Christmas Holiday Market and a stop at Wee B's Burgers as well.
Masen is clearly tired after his flight, but he wants to talk. "I understand what happened with Charlie has kind of taken over this trip, but has anything else happened to help you make your decision?"
"You mean about having another baby?" I knew it wouldn't be long before the subject came up. "I'm sorry, but no."
"Then let me give you something to consider. Our parents are clearly not getting any younger, and we've been expecting a lot from Mom to keep looking after Finn while we're traveling. When you go to Broome next year, I think we should ask if she'll keep him in Sydney."
I can't say I'm surprised because she should have a break. Esme has been the most supportive grandmother and friend anyone could want, but I understand she goes through periods when she misses Carlisle, her life with her girlfriends, and her artist crowd. It's just that I'm wondering why he's talking as if I'm going on my own. "You're making it sound like you're not coming to Broome."
"I don't see how I'm required. It's one woman's journey to discover her extended mob, and she can tell her story without a man interviewing her, so I'd be superfluous and a cost you don't need."
The revelation makes me wonder what else is coming. "If Finn is in Sydney, will you be there, too?"
"No, Jenks is offering me a job to seek input from the elders in remote communities. One of the no campaign's arguments was that the Voice wouldn't represent every mob, and you've seen yourself the problems in communication. Jenks wants a network that's set up in their own distinctive way, and the fact that some of them already know me gives me an advantage over many other people."
Funny, I had already told myself that something like this was coming, and while I don't like the way this sounds like time spent away from us, I can see how perfect he'd be in that role.
"It's not a one-size-fits-all problem, is it?"
"No, it's not, babe."
"What about the existing distribution channels for food and mail? Could you tap into them?"
"Yes, we could." He laughs, shaking his head, and it feels like he's dismissing me, something I don't tolerate from him.
"So where does that leave us?" I ask, fearing the answer might be that he doesn't know.
"Bella, you've proved that you're a great producer and project manager. NG keeps funding you because you inspire talented people and can bring in months or years of work within budget. You understand the problems in remote communities because you've seen them firsthand, so it's quite a package you bring to the table. If you're prepared to lend your unique skills to this very important project, then the Australian government would like you to come on board once you have your citizenship."
I have spent time learning about them, learning to respect their incredible untainted and brilliant ways, and I do want to work with them and for them so modern Australia does the right thing by them.
I'm so shocked that I'm speechless, but then logistics start to jump into my head. "How much travel would I—"
"None. Only blackfellas go into the field for this one. Yours would be an administrative role, so you could have more babies if that's what you decide."
I don't comment on the fact that it's more than one baby in his mind. "Where would we have to live, Masen?"
"Wherever you want, Bella. You could work from home."
If this is really my choice, then I have things to say. "I wouldn't want to be locked into this forever, Masen, because I know there will come a time when I get inspired by a subject that deserves to be documented."
"I'm not stupid enough to expect you to give that up forever, babe, and I was actually thinking that this project will give you your most profound inspiration. Just imagine a documentary showing the success we're going to achieve when our indigenous populations have a voice of their own and where white Australia might actually concede that they don't know everything when it comes to this country."
I'm already getting inspired just listening to him, but I know I must communicate everything clearly while I can. "I don't want to live in Darwin again. I can't handle the humidity, and you know I settled very well in Merimbula. I like that it's halfway between Sydney and Melbourne and close to Rose and Em. Having a regional airport is a big bonus for me."
"I liked it, too, so if you're serious, let's go back down there and have a look at a few properties before you go to Broome."
Is this the sign I've been looking for? It's definitely a lot to think about, and I'm glad he's not rushing me into making a decision.
Masen, Esme, and Carlisle are all thrilled with the surprise seaplane flight to Denali. We take off from Lake Hood, and they watch in awe as we soar over snow-covered mountains and great swathes of the earth gouged by the path of glaciers. Landing on the frozen Chelatna Lake is also something they could never experience in Australia. The three-hour tour is over too fast, but I'm so pleased I got to share a part of my Alaskan home in this spectacular way.
It's quite late in the day when we visit the Christmas Market, and Esme spends her time making contacts rather than rushing to make a purchase.
They seem happy when they fly out to see Vancouver, and that's all I wanted. I can never thank Carlisle enough for what he's done for me, and now for my father, and I'll always cherish the memory of this very special time.
Masen wants to drive down to Seward, about 90 miles away, because he's seen reviews online stating that it's totally stunning. I wonder if he's been looking at summer comments when I remember it as a bleak and deserted place the one time I went there in winter, but I agree it will be nice to have time away for just the three of us. We take off toward our first stop at Portage, and Finn keeps repeating "choogatch" over and over, cackling to himself.
"You better not be making fun of Alaskan names when Australia has places like Cootamundra, Clybucca, and Currumundi!"
"Merimboolah!" he counters, and my jaw drops as I look at Masen.
"Was that our son giving us an other-worldly blessing?" I ask, jokingly.
"I have no idea." Masen laughs, squeezing my knee.
Masen's cruisy playlist for this trip has him rocking his shoulders, and I can see our son in the rear-view mirror, staring out the window and moving in the exact same way.
When we reach Seward, we find out Masen has booked a night at the Harbor 360 Hotel at the marina and a half-day cruise around Resurrection Bay and Kenai Fjords National Park. That night, I'm so lucky I have a husband who will agree to take a sleeping two-year-old out of his bed to drive up to Bear Lake for a brief sighting of the northern lights. I wouldn't have missed this for the world because Finn is spellbound, waving his hand as if he's painting the sky.
The next morning, he's jumping out of his skin when we're on a small boat spotting porpoises, sea otters, and even orcas, and this time I find the overcast skies, flurries of snow, and lack of people and boats only add to the breathtaking beauty on show. I tell Masen I will bring him back one year and blow his mind with a hike up to the Harding Icefield and see the glaciers that flow from it. I also want him to feel the thrill of being in a kayak when a chunk shears off as an iceberg.
Having spent much of the last trip cooped up in blizzard conditions, I see Masen is now appreciating the place where I come from. It's been great hearing him come back and recount the day's adventures after helping Paul take guests snowmobiling, and bless him, ice fishing.
Finn keeps running to the windows while we're Facetiming with our group on Christmas Eve. His head is so full of Santa's arrival that he's not even interested in seeing Esme and Carlisle who are joining from New York. Jane, Alice and Jasper's daughter who is now nearly five, adorably tries to explain that Santa won't come until Finn is asleep, but he just can't understand why we have to wait when he's already been to Australia.
However, it's all forgotten when snow is falling on Christmas morning and he's under the spell of the magic for the first time. Finn now knows that Santa will drink the milk and eat the cookies if they're left out for him. His reindeer really do like carrots, too.
I told them all that Finn's gifts would be limited to those in his Santa stocking, but Mom and Dad give him a fabulous sled he'll be able to keep here for when he comes to visit. Mom has also knitted him a hat the same as Dad's which Finn has been wearing non-stop since he got here. Esme, in cahoots with Charlie, found something Mom always wanted, and left them a magnificent caribou antler chandelier.
Like Thanksgiving, the food is magnificent, and I'm very pleased that people like the Christmas puddings I made this year under the guidance of two women who compromised and came up with a hybrid version especially for me. While Finn's tastes are still fairly bland, it was wonderful to know he could eat every single thing on offer, and I couldn't have been more thankful.
Lothar, Steve, and Masen clear the snow and build a slide for the children. Masen has been running around with Finn on his new sled when he slips off sideways and lands face down in the snow. In a moment of panic, we race to rescue him, but our boy picks himself up and laughs, toppling over again and laughing even harder. Truly, we got so lucky with this kid of ours.
-0-
Embry mentions us coming over to ski again, asking if Finn might like to try out his new sled on the slopes, and Masen is more than happy to toboggan with him.
"Mommy?" Finn's anxiety returns and tries to pull me away again.
"Daddy will ride on the sled with you. Only Mommy will go up the big mountain to ski."
Finn stares at Masen and shakes his head, unleashing a sudden flood of tears. "Mommy?" When he wraps his arms around my thighs, I don't understand why he's so clingy when I thought he would love this.
"What is it, sweet boy?" I look at Masen who seems just as perplexed as I am.
"Don't go, Mommy!"
Not knowing what's wrong with him, I try to sit down and pull him into my lap, but he won't let go.
"Why, Finn? What's wrong?"
"You'll hurt!" he wails, holding me tighter, and all of a sudden, I know in my bones that he's warning me that something is going to happen. It feels more serious than just the general dangers everyone faces during a day on the mountain.
"I want India!" he cries loudly, and now I'm not sure I do understand.
"India?" I ask, my head full of the colors, smells, and vibrancy of a country I was honored to visit. "What is India?"
"Sister." He sniffles, scrubbing a glove across his eyes.
"Finn's sister?" I question, sensing that this is the real sign I've been waiting for. I will have another child, and the knowledge fills me with equal parts joy and trepidation as I always knew it would. Now I must trust that he knows the answer to the most important question. "Will Mommy and India be okay?"
With a smile, he nods, and the axes of my universe calmly settle into their correct position.
"Is India in Mommy's tummy now?" Masen asks, bringing up something I hadn't considered. I have a copper IUD for birth control because it has no effect on blood pressure, so am I one of the rare women who get pregnant anyway?
Finn beams at us now and says, "India."
Masen shakes his head and chuckles. "I guess we need a pregnancy test, babe?"
I took hardly any notice of my non-existent period last month, and now I've missed another one, so I bet I am pregnant. Feeling incredibly happy, I've been freed from making the decision that's tormented me for too long.
A girl. I'm having a baby girl, and we're going to call her India. The name is quite perfect since I met Masen while documenting the epic migrations from India to Australia that created the oldest race of people on earth—people who are now my family and whose blood lives on in my husband and children.
And now it looks like I might be given an opportunity to help indigenous Australians in a different way, and I'll be doing something I care about deeply without having to drag my children along with me. I'm starting a new chapter, independent but supported by the man I truly love.
I don't know if I'll ever understand who or what has been watching over me, or why so many incredible people have come and filled up my life. Maybe Finn will be able to explain it to me one day, but for now, I wouldn't change a thing.
Thanks for reading xo
This story was marked complete a long time ago, and maybe this is where it should end.
But you just never know …