Spending the better part of last year constantly worrying about his friendships and losing them due to his confusing feelings regarding Gwen and Lily. He found both girls to be charming, compassionate, intelligent, and beautiful. Yet they were adequately different. Especially in regards to how they made him feel when they spent time together.
When he spent time with Gwen, she was the quiet type who enjoyed the silence and beauty in the small things. Often, she would occasionally exchange tidbits in conversation but she mostly watched, just as he did. Whereas Lily was excitable and often would fill the silence for them, she would talk about anything and everything she could think of.
It helped when he would see Sirius' and Gwen interact. The way that they looked at one another, he heard the way that Sirius' tone would go soft just saying her name. Remus thought that perhaps he wasn't a jealous person and that Sirius' affections towards her didn't bother him due to it, but when he saw the way Lily would be smiling and laughing with Frank Longbottom, it made him upset. He felt that ugly feeling called jealousy. It was easy for him to realize that his feelings for Gwen were more of a sisterly nature when he saw her around Sirius after this realization.
Which is something he was quite grateful for since he didn't want to lose his friendship with Sirius over Gwen.
It was quite late, he had been spending the better part of the night studying, the fireplace was casting long shadows over the carpet. Remus had been finding it hard to concentrate on his work however, not when he felt confused about how to approach his feelings for Lily.
"What are you still doing up?" a quite feminine voice asked, breaking his thoughts.
The girl that consumed his thoughts stood before him, concerned, staring up at him with those big green eyes. He was mesmerized by her and suddenly he felt his mouth go quite dry as he attempted to find the words to answer.
Standing up too quickly from the couch, he dropped his books and parchment onto the floor, tripping and spilt his inkpot all over the crimson red carpet.
"Merlin's beard," he cursed under his breath. This only caused Lily to giggle, her lips curling into a large smile. Offering her hand to him, she couldn't help but comment.
"You seem to be quite a mess right now,"
Remus without thinking said, "your beauty caught me off guard."
The redhead flushed, almost matching the color of her own hair. "You don't have to say such things y'know."
Distracting herself, she pulled out her wand and began to clean up the mess he had made. She began to hum to herself as all his things floated from the floor and back into his bag.
He shook his head, "I'm being genuine." he insisted, "Your eyes are rather pretty."
Lily smiled, "hopefully it takes all the attention from my pasty skin."
He snorted at this, "If we were to stand side by side in the mirror, you can see that I'm clearly the pastier of us." Remus wouldn't ever dare tell her why it was due to his lycanthropy and would allow her to keep thinking he was just the sickly type.
"I have never took note of it,"
The way she looked at him right then, he could have sworn that maybe he was reading all the signs correctly and perhaps she fancied him too just as he fancied her. Overwhelmed, Remus leaned over and kissed her. He was so uncertain of what he was doing, he could feel his hands shaking as they stood at his sides. He wasn't sure where to put his hands. Yet, his focus was only on how her mouth was wet and soft, her lips tasted of strawberry lip gloss.
He almost started to overcome his nervousness before he felt her shake, peeking, he saw that she was containing her giggles once more. Panicking he pulled away and took several steps back from her.
Embarrassed and offended, he looked away from her. "Was it that bad?
Covering her mouth, she shook her head. "No, I apologize. I was just nervous as I've never been kissed before."
"I haven't either,"
The two stared at one another, the revelation of each other being their first kiss dawning on them. Nervous, Remus took a step forward, fumbling a bit, he leaned forward again.
Their lips touched, warm and soft as before. He felt her tilt her head to the side, tilting his with her, he felt relief that this kiss was better. Their lips moved, awkwardly but slow. That was until Remus began to overthink and fumbled around and they pulled away from one another.
Covering his bruised lip, he was concerned for her. "Are you alright?"
"Yes," she giggled. "I think our kissing needs some work." She joked, a blush evident on her face.
Remus nodded, "we could always practice later."
She hummed, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her jumper. "I'd like that."
He huffed, "I don't understand how the others can do it so effortlessly."
Giggling, she shrugged. "Lots of practice."
After parting ways, Remus left the common room and went up to his own dorm. Feeling quite guilty and embarrassed by the entire ordeal that just took place, he couldn't help but still be flushed from it. Luckily for him, they weren't in their shared dorm. Burrowing into his bed, he couldn't wait as tomorrow couldn't come sooner enough.
Letting out a tired sigh, she couldn't help but stare blankly at the table in front of her. She barely touched her food, much less even register the fact that she had got out of bed and prepared herself for the day.
The Owls came in, dropping their mail and newspapers in front of students. Her eyes barely glanced at the front paper, only to see more muggles being terrorized and slaughtered.
Picking up the mail, she shoved it into her bag. Standing she abandoned her untouched breakfast and walked out the doors.
Gwen always seemed to be tired these days, to the point that she was forgetting things easily. Rounding the corner, she ran smack into someone else.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, her eyes slowly turning to who she had run into.
The girl looked familiar in her hufflepuff yellow robes, her stack of gossip magazines were scattered across the floor. She had been about to bend down and help her pick them up until she saw that they were tabbed. Glancing around, they had all been tabbed. Flipping through the magazine to one of the tabbed pages, she saw that it was an article over her. It was the Malfoy Garden Party and it was a center spread of her in her dress, smiling demurely as she walked with Pandora.
"I've been looking for you," was all the girl said.
"I'm quite busy at the moment," Gwen explained,dropping the magazine, turning to leave only to stop when the girl spoke again.
"I heard that Sirius Black was dating Marlene, I was wondering if you knew if that was the truth or not."
Snapping out of her daze, she turned her head back towards her. "If he is then it's none of my business neither is it yours."
She remembered the girl. She had run into her last year, she was nosy last time too. Disgusted by this girl's attitude and lack of social cues, she fought the urge to curl her lip at her.
"Pity," she sighed. "To think you two are supposedly best mates. I guess it's all just lies then."
She remembered now. Her name was Nella Skeeter, and she was currently a third year.
Biting her tongue, she continued her charade of indifference. "I recommend that you procure your own social life rather than sticking your nose into others. Quite a shame that a girl like you is so bored and friendless that you have nothing better to do than gossip just to get a sliver of social interaction."
Gwen knew that she was being harsh, but she didn't care. This girl rubbed her the wrong way. Smiling internally at the girl's shocked expression, she turned and left quickly as she was pretty sure she was late to class now. Or perhaps she was early? Either way, she didn't care much.
The four boys were walking out of the courtyard, heading towards Black Lake, they were in the midst of discussing what their next prank would be. James and Sirius took up the front while Remus was a bit behind while Peter trudged behind all three of them.
Right as James was about to say something, they took notice of Severus, who was pacing around under the large tree down by the lake. A spot that Evans and Gwen would frequent with him. Narrowing his eyes, he saw that he was muttering to himself. His robe was abandoned on top of his bag, a worn green leather bound book on top of it.
James and Sirius grinned.
That only meant trouble. Sirius leaned forward on his bench to get a better look of Snape as he paced about in the mud.
"Oi! Trying to find a new look to go with that greasy mop on your head?" Sirius called out, snickering to himself.
Severus stopped pacing, sighed, closing his eyes before picking up his things and booking it back towards the castle.
"Quite rude of you to walk away when we were trying to be friendly!," shouted James, laughing, "Don't you want to come speak with us? If someone were to see us together, they might actually think that you are worthy of friendship and you might become popular."
"Damn Slytherin - " Sirius's eyes shone.
Feeling pity and guilt for his friend's treatment of the reclusive snake, he dropped his bag onto the stone bench. "Maybe you shouldn't be quite so rude to him."
"He deserves it," Sirius shrugged.
James nodded solemnly in agreement.
Sirius flopped down into the bench, his boots caked with mud and wet grass. His uniform is quite the disarray. "Since when do you care about Severus Snape?" he asked.
Remus sighed, "I don't care for him." It was the truth, Remus had seen the things he did and had even overheard of the filth he spouted. "You know that it upsets both Gwen and Lily when we tease him. In addition, you attempted to provoke him into a fight. He was minding his own business. You are the bully in the situation."
At the mention of Gwen, Sirius' eyes glazed over. His cool demeanor was of adoration now. Not commenting, he turned to James who just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
"Lily's made you go soft." He huffed.
"It's because they kissed," Peter stated, shoving a cookie into his mouth.
Wide eyed Remus was unsure of how Peter knew about the kiss when the common room had been empty and neither of them talked about it with anyone else.
"Merlin! How do you know that?"
He shrugged, "I watched."
Sirius snapped out of his daydream state, grinned wickedly. "No wonder you want us to go soft on the snake." Remus took note there wasn't any bite in his tone as there was before. After hearing the mere mention of her name, his attitude had quickly changed.
James seemed to visibly flinch at this, keeping quiet, he just dug a hole into the ground with the heel of his dragonskin boots. While Peter began to toss rocks into the lake in an attempt to make them skip and failed.
"So how was snogging your girlfriend?"
At the mere mention of the kissing, he grimaced, remembering just how awkward and clumsy he had been trying to kiss the girl. "It was the worst," Remus coughed, embarrassed and ashamed.
"The worst?" This caught James attention, "Surely the both of you can be that awful at snogging?"
Peter piped in again, "it was horrible."
Glaring at him, Remus took note the next time Sirius and James wanted to prank the boy, he'd let them, hell, he'd join them and ensure it was just as humiliating as his own.
"Wait. Was it her snogging or yours that was horrible?" James asked, eyes widening, "Is she really that awful?"
Remus sighed, "She was perfect! I am the problem…"
"Surely you can't be that horrible," Sirius was twirling his wand. "Snogging isn't that difficult, it is quite hard to muck that up."
Snorting, he turned his back towards his friends, "Then you are looking at the first wizard to have mucked up snogging a pretty girl."
"Tell us what happened mate," James interjected, sliding his arm over his shoulders. "Perhaps if you give us more details, we could help."
Before Remus could say anything, Peter interjected. "She laughed in his face after he kissed her."
Remus felt murderous at that moment and downright humiliated at having one of the most embarrassing moments in his life having been unknowingly shared with Peter.
Sirius scrunched his nose. "She laughed?"
Remus nodded, "She laughed. Although she apologized and said it was because she was nervous, it still hurt that she had laughed and made the whole situation more awkward than it should have been."
Sirius cringed, "That is pretty embarrassing, mate." Remus groaned, putting his head in his hands in the agony of being apologized to. "But - but this was your first kiss, yeah?" Sirius amended quickly. "Perhaps you're just the type of bloke to need practice."
"That is what she said."
James was the one to cringe this time, "that is a lot worst."
"Merlin's beard," Remus swore. "How does one practice snogging?"
He shrugged, before he grinned, Sirius turned to Peter "Kiss Pete."
"Gross, no," Peter tripped in an attempt to turn and slipped and fell into the lake.
The other three smirked at Peter's reaction, Remus taking in more enjoyment at the fact that Peter looked like a drowned rat at the current moment. "Just be more confident and snog her again,"
"I cannot believe that I've had the worst first kiss in the history of all time."
James shrugged, laying down across his bed, "I've heard all first kisses are awful. They are supposed to, aren't they?"
Peter coughed up water, "Was your first snog horrible Sirius?"
James, Remus and Peter were now staring at the smirking heir, his fingers twirling his wand in a deft manner. James sat up and looked over at Sirius, an amused expression on his face. "So the rumors are true? You kissed Marlene McKinnon, yes?"
He just wore a shit eating grin, "a gentleman never kisses and tells mate."
Snorting Remus rolled his eyes, "Impart your snogging knowledge and bestow it on us less fortunate yes?"
"Just be confident mate, everyone starts somewhere."
"Right. Okay." James scoffed, throwing his scarf at him, "As I expected from our resident lady killer."
The title only seemed to boost Sirius' ego.
Jackie and Toni were sitting with her in the library, they were currently studying. Or rather Toni and Gwen were studying while Jackie was ogling Daniel from across the room, as she purposely chose the spot that gave her a perfect view of him through the walls of books. Professor Flitwick had assigned them homework after taking note that most of the class hadn't studied the Memory charms. Gwen had found the irony of learning it when Sev and her were still secretly learning Occlumency.
Toni yawned, stretching, "I finished."
Dropping her quill, she blinked up at her. "Would you like me to read over it?"
She shook her head, "no, I already asked Olivia if she could since I am supposed to meet with her for practicing the tickling charm."
"I will see you back in the dorm then?"
Smiling, she nodded. Collecting her things into her bag, she took the books she had used and bid both girls goodbye before leaving. Going back to her assignment, she ignored Jackie's mumbles of how cute Daniel was. She was honestly too tired at this point but it didn't matter as she needed to push through this last assignment and then she could just skip dinner and go straight to bed.
Spotting movement in her peripheral, she glanced up to see Daniel had come over to their table. He flashed her a smile, "hey Gwen."
"Hi Daniel," she glanced over to Jackie who was barely containing her squeal. "How are you?"
"It could be better," he ran a hand through his auburn hair. "I have been slacking in my classes and am now having to catch up otherwise I won't be able to play in the next game."
"I'm sorry to hear that," she paused. "Which classes are you behind in?"
He snorted, "Charms and Herbology."
Jackie clapped her hands excitedly, "I'm great at Herbology, I could help you study."
Daniel turned to her, an easy grin as he looked relieved. "That would be great," he looked nervous all of a sudden. "When could we meet up?"
"We could go back to the common room as I left my book in my dorm," she smiled. "Or if you're still busy, we could schedule for later."
He shook his head, "I'm not busy at the moment."
"Perfect," she stood from the table. "We could work on Charms together as I also struggle with that class."
"I'd like that."
Gwen rolled her eyes, amused by how the two were around one another. As she was about to turn back to her homework, parchment had been placed in front of her. "I finished my essay, would you mind looking over it for me?"
Narrowing her eyes at her, she breathed a deep sigh. "Fine, I'll leave it on your desk when I'm done."
"Thanks Gwen!"
"See you around," he waved before they both left as Jackie had begun to chat about quidditch.
Dropping her quill, she messaged her forehead, breathing a deep sigh, she picked up the parchment and shook her head. She had almost forgotten that Jackie had quite lazy penmanship, changing the quill ink, she immediately started marking it up and making suggestions, knowing that Jackie would just use her own words rather than rewrite them herself. She should have just went and hid out in her dorm for some peace and quiet after she had bid Lily goodbye. She had left her to go spend time with Marlene and Mary as Witch Weekly had just come in this morning and she had yet to read any of the issues that she had subscribed to at the beginning of the term.
Originally she had intended to tuck herself away in a small corner of the library, to read and have some peace and quiet. Until Toni had come to remind her about their essay for Flitwick and now she had been pouring over her potions book as she was reading more about their next potion that they would be making in class tomorrow. Biting back a yawn, she leaned her head on the arm of the large plush chair as she closed her eyes. The urge to sleep grew as her eyes quickly became heavier as she struggled to keep them open even more.
Letting out a soft groan, she felt a warm and comfortable weight covering her body as she found herself waking up a bit disoriented. Willing herself to open her eyes, she blinked a few times to push her drowsiness away. Glancing down, a yawn left her lips as she looked down to see what was covering her; she saw it was a black robe, but whose? Stretching, she scanned her surroundings only to find a Sirius Black sitting across from her in a plush armchair with his Potions book in hand. Missing his robe. As he wore his jumper but his tie was loosened and his white shirt was untucked as he leaned back into his seat.
"Sirius?" His head snapped up from his book as he watched Gwen stare at him with a soft blush on her face as she looked at him with her soft blue eyes
"Rise and shine darling" Was all he said as he smirked back at her "I came to check up on you like usual but you were asleep already." He bookmarked his page and set it down on the small table beside him "I put your things away and gave you my robe so that you could sleep more comfortably." He nodded towards her bag that had her things placed inside.
"T-thank you" She averted her gaze from him as she sat up from her sleeping position as she set her feet back onto the ground "That was very kind of you" She added as she slipped her feet back into her black flats before adjusting her skirt
"Anytime love" He stood as well, satisfied when he heard multiple pops once he stretched "We should be heading down to the Great Hall as dinner starts in about five minutes"
Glancing at the clock, she saw that he was right as he began putting away his things. Cocking her head to the side she wondered if he had stayed with her this entire time instead of being off with the boys causing some kind of mischief. Shaking her head as she didn't want to ask the question, she instead focused her attention on picking up her bag and his robe. She waited patiently for him to finish getting his materials together as she hummed a Led Zepplin song softly.
"Ready?" Nodding she hoisted her bag on her shoulder as they walked toward the entrance of the library and out the doors as they made their way to the Great Hall in a comfortable silence
"Thank you for letting me borrow this" They had stopped outside of the Great Hall as all their fellow classmates were already inside eating and laughing "It was very kind of you to let me borrow it once more"
"Anything for you love" He took it from her gently as he put it on once more as he watched her blush at the term of endearment that he used.
"How'd you know where to find me?"
"Evans had told me to come bother you instead," he smiled. Gwen gave him a pointed look, "She wanted me to come check in to make sure you went to dinner and got some sleep."
Flushed with embarrassment, she just looked away only to turn back to see him staring intently at her. "Something is different with you." He noted, "I can't place my finger on it but something has changed."
Averting her eyes, she stopped walking beside him. It had been a week since they saw one another last, and since then she had isolated herself with her studies and avoided nosy little witches like Nella Skeeter.
"Whatever do you mean?"
She attempted to clear her throat but failed when he had thrusted his face closer to hers, his silver eyes peering down at her with a deep intensity. Heat pooled in her face, taking a step back she had stumbled causing him to wrap his arm around her waist. Flushed close to him, she held her breath.
"Has someone said something to you?"
Gazing down at his mouth, she couldn't help but remember what that girl had said. Sirius Black had been caught kissing Marlene McKinnon, a ravenclaw in her year, in an alcove on the fourth floor. While she wasn't one to pay heed to gossip, she couldn't help it. This piece had something to do with Sirius, her best friend who told her everything…right?
"I'm just quite tired is all," she surmised. "I haven't been sleeping all that well lately and I think it may be affecting my attention on other matters…" she trailed off, not recognizing why her heart hurt and why she felt the way she did.
His mouth drew into a frown, his eyes more intense than before. "Why have you not come to sleep in my bed? You do know that you are always welcome to come to me, right?"
"I did not want to burden you with the fact that I am unable to sleep." It was a weak and pitiful excuse but she had been lost for words and it was not too far off from the truth.
"Merlin, I didn't realize that lack of sleep would make you this delusional." He chuckled, humorless. "Darling, you could never be a burden. Do you not realize that I enjoy taking care of you?"
She flushed, his soft but firm words held a soft but genuine honesty that made her feel guilt for feeling the way she had been.
"I can't sleep with you forever Sirius," she argued but it was weak too, just as she seemed to be lately. "I have to learn to sleep on my own."
He scoffed, his lip curling at her own words. "What if I need you to help me sleep? You are my best girl darling, and I'd be damned if you don't know the fact that I sleep better with you."
Wide eyed at his candor, she gaped, not knowing what to say as she was truly baffled at his admission. Overwhelmed by his sincere words and his arm still around her, she placed her hands on his chest.
"I had not realized that you felt so ardently about this," she gripped his jumper, the soft fabric under her slim and deft fingers. "I must ask that you forgive me and allow me to remedy this."
"Come to my dorm tonight," he admonished. "I have vowed to take care of you and that requires for you to have proper sleep and to save you from those nightmares of yours."
Nightmares.
Or were they visions of the future?
Blood and gore and deaths of hundreds–no thousands of people. In those visions, she saw the death of acquaintances, friends, and her own family. Since this supposed wizard who called himself The Dark Lord began to make the headlines, she had been having problems with sleeping, as she would experience them as if they were truly real.
It was all too much for her.
"Okay,"
Sirius leaned forward, placing a soft kiss to her forehead, before he pulled away. Released from his grasp, they continued walking towards the Great Hall as he began to talk about a new secret pathway that he had found earlier this week.
Severus and Lily hadn't spent time together in a while and it hadn't gone unnoticed, even as their conflicting schedules kept them away from one another. It had been a couple of months since the start of new term and their relationship had dwindled due to negligence on his part. The two hadn't gone out of their way to seek one another out, not until a week ago when Severus had seen Lily leaving the Hospital Ward after visiting Remus. Although he had been busy, it had irked him to see her smile tenderly at him. A smile that she had only given him before.
Which is why he was currently outside of the Gryffindor common room, arguing with the Portrait of the Fat Lady who was growing quite tired of the boy's rudeness. In the last week, he had tried to find her and speak with her but she had been avoiding him as she was still quite angry with him.
"I just want to see Lily Evans!" he demanded from her, only causing her to glower at him
"She is not inside," she snapped. "I hadn't realized how daft wizards have become as you seem to lack basic comprehension skills to understand what I am saying to you."
"She is my best friend! I only wish to see her!" He yelled, "I could care less about your damn common room, and wouldn't enter it if my life depended on it."
"I am not to open the entrance for non Gryffindor students," she explained, sticking her nose in the air. "I suggest that you either wait for her to arrive, go find her yourself, or merely owl her."
Severus balled his fists, "YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A LOUD AND RUDE WO–"
"Severus," Lily snapped, angrily.
The boy stopped his rant, flinched, and turned around slowly to find Lily and Remus coming down the hall, their bags in hand. Which most likely meant that they had been at the library studying. First he felt guilt and shame but it had quickly morphed into seething anger when he saw her hand holding she was Remus', their bodies close to one another intimately.
"I told you that she was not here," the Fat Lady tsked before she left her portrait and ventured into a nearby one to give them some privacy
Severus ignored her, his focus on Lily. "Where in Merlin's beard have you been? I have been trying to talk to you all week."
She scoffed, "funny how you expect me to be waiting and ready for when you need me but when I need you, you are nowhere to be found."
His nostrils flared as he breathed deeply. "Lily, we need to talk."
She let go of Remus' hand, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm quite busy and I have no desire to speak to you as I'm still quite upset with you."
"Merlin!" he snapped. "You can be impossible at times and it is exhausting having to deal with your mood swings."
She just clenched her jaw, "I am not being impossible. I just don't wish to say anything since I have nothing to say to you."
Narrowing his eyes, he analyzed her before he finally realized what was truly upsetting her. "This is all because I won't tell you what I am doing right? Are you jealous that I have told Gwen and not you about what I am doing?"
Glowering at him, she stomped towards him, her finger digging into his chest. "I am not jealous!" she sneered, "Nor do I care about what you are doing with Gwen!"
Scoffing, he rolled his eyes. "You are a horrible liar, we both know this. You are jealous and angry, just admit it."
Speechless, she just stood there, her mouth gaping like a fish as she tried to find the right words to argue but she could not as he was telling the truth. She was angry but it was for a multitude of reasons and she was jealous that Severus was doing something and he hadn't confided her with it, only Gwen. Even though they were closer and had met first.
Lily wouldn't admit it but there were times that she was jealous of Gwen, but they were few and far inbetween. She felt guilt and shame at that moment because maybe he was right and she was being impossible.
"I told Gwen because I knew that she could be trusted with the information and that I could count on her to actually make time for me," Severus stated in a rather cold tone. "What I don't understand is why you are angry with me for not having the time to just sit around and listen to you talk about the smallest things."
Faltering, she took several steps away from him. Hurt and filled with guilt, she just sighed. "While you may be right, the fact that you can say such horrible things to me even though we are friends truly does hurt me, Severus." She paused, looking away from him, "You claim to be busy with important matter and yet you have been chasing me around the castle all week. You told me that we couldn't be seen together and refuse to be around me, yet you can't stand the fact of letting anybody else be. You can't have it both ways."
Severus shook his head, eerily calm, "I could care less of who you choose to spend your time with, I just have a problem with the fact that you hang around them" he added, waving at Remus who had been silent the entire time and just watched rather awkwardly. "Lupin wouldn't be too terrible if he didn't keep such poor company. You complain to me that Black and Potter grate your nerves and then the next you are laughing and chatting with them."
Once again he was telling the truth, she did complain about the two boys and had shared the same sentiments about Remus, but now her feelings had changed. Only for Remus and slightly Sirius as Potter was still a bully and quite the toerag.
"People can change."
"You're being rather stupid about it. I was being a good friend."
Lily spat out the words, "Maybe if you'd give them a chance, you'd actually like spending time with Remus and Sirius."
Remus, smiling sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck, "I don't have a problem with you."
Severus looked at Remus, his face softening before he remembered. "That doesn't make up for the fact that he stood by and watched as they bully me." He paused, his eyes on her now with clear disdain, "I promise you, Lily, I wouldn't."
"I enjoy spending time with them, they have become good friends and I ask that you please reconsider, they have been there for me and even wrote to me over the summ–" she stopped, her eyes widening before wincing.
Angry, he finally snapped. "I knew you were still angry about my lack of being there during the summer. You have been lying to me and claiming that you weren't angry about my lack of correspondence this past summer!"
"Of course I am angry!" she finally fought back. "You ditched me for your new and cooler friends! How could I not be angry?! I have every right to be!"
Chest heaving, her shoulders dropped. While she was justified in some of her anger, she did know that she was at fault because she was not entitled to knowing his secrets, not entitled to him having to respond to her and lastly for feeling angry and jealous because he shared something with Gwen. Lastly for asking him to be friends with his bullies and tormentors, because while yes, he did retaliate. They went out of their way to torment him, and Remus had done nothing on several accounts to stop them and never spoke up against their treatment of him. He was just as guilty.
"Look Lily, I know tha–"
She interrupted him this time, "we have both been terrible friends to one another. You're right that I had lied, I have been angry and jealous and should not expect you to tell me everything. You're going to have other friends just as I do and I shouldn't be selfish about that fact."
Severus also looked guilty, "I apologize as you are right that I could be a better friend. I just have been dealing with things and I didn't want to tell you until I knew more about it. I'm sorry for shouting at you and for treating you as I have. Please stop pushing for me to be friends with them and I promise to make a better effort to be more tolerant of your friendship with them. Can we stop fighting already?"
Hopeful, she smiled, "yes please. I miss you."
He looked uncomfortable and nervous all of a sudden before it disappeared. "I missed you too."
"Let's meet at breakfast tomorrow and we can walk to class together."
"I'd like that,"
Her eyes strayed to the sleeping draught that rested on her nightstand, she had been debating taking the liquid. After her talk with Sirius the day prior, she had gone to see Madam Pomprey for some time. She had yet to take it however, she tried to but it was all too much. It reminded her of when her Mother had died and the only way for her to sleep then was because of the potion. She had relied heavily on it, yet after meeting Sirius, she hadn't needed to take it again. Until now that is.
Closing her eyes, she whimpered as familiar images of her cousin, Jamie laid dead, blood gushing out of him and his glasses cracked and several feet away from him. Not far from him had been Remus, he laid with his body twisted and his right eye missing, and Peter had been facedown in a pool of his own blood, his body mangled as his organs spilled out of him. Then she had came upon Sirius, he had been the worst of them. Unable to bring herself to think more on it, as she felt tears begin to form, she opened her eyes.
"Sirius."
She needed to go see him.
Tossing the covers back, she sat up in bed. Picking up her wand and slipping on her shoes, she left her dorm room and quietly left her house. She was exhausted but couldn't sleep. With a war brewing, she was frightened for her loved ones. Frightened that they would be taken from her.
She needed to see that they were safe, that they were alive and well. Slipping from corridors to stairwells, she made it towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, who snored softly. Mumbling the password, she was let into Gryffindor without a problem. Briskly, she crossed the common room and flew up the stairs into the boys dorm. Slipping inside the room, she took her time as she checked on each boy. Only to find them all sleeping soundly. Relieved, she gave them all one more look before turning to leave.
"You finally came,"she didn't need light or sight to see that it was her best friend who spoke to her softly. "What took you so long?"
"I didn't mean to wake you," she turned to find him sitting up, shirtless, with the sheets and blankets pooling around his waist "I'm leaving."
Sirius scooted over in his bed, and patted the spot next to him. As she opened her mouth to decline his offer, he gave her a pointed look that left her no room to argue. Sighing, she walked towards the four poster bed and crawled underneath the covers with him. Setting her wand down on the table next to his, she immediately blushed as he pulled her into his strong embrace.
"Sirius…" she breathed
He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, "nightmares again?"
Since the rise of murders of muggle borns, Gwen had grown frightened as the news in the Daily Prophet left her bleeding heart to ache in grief at what was happening. The loss of her mother caused the fear of her losing more people to take residence in her heart and fester with each day.
She let out a soft whimper
"Listen to my heartbeat love, I'm right here, I will not leave you." He vowed softly, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulling her to sleep along with the warmth he offered.
"Sirius…" she trailed off as sleep claimed her quickly
He laid there for a full minute in silence as he ran his fingers through her hair, he didn't fail to notice how small but perfect she felt sleeping in his arms. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her signature scent of vanilla, blueberries, and roses.
"Is she alright?" James whispered from his bed, he had turned over and peered at them from his position, his hair stuck up in many places as his clothes were crumpled.
"No."
James sighed, " I wish there was something more we could do."
Sirius glanced down at the beauty in his arms before glancing towards his best mate. "I have a solution," he murmured softly, amused how she curled up to him, the sight reminded him of a small cat.
"Get some sleep, we'll discuss it in the morning."
Readjusting, he was careful to not wake her while she slept. Holding her in his arms, he took the time to really look at her, the glow of the moonlight shining through their window casted on her. Dark purple circles hung under her eyes. He felt guilt for not taking note sooner, for having been wrapped up in his own escapades to have paid her the proper attention she deserved.
"Siri…" it was a soft whimper, her hand that was over his heart twitched.
Taking her hand in his, he brought it to his lips and placed a soft kiss. "I'm right here love," he rubbed her hand over his face, the softness of her voice is what grounded him.
With a soft moan, she turned away from the rays of the sun peeking through her window as she shifted into a more comfortable position. With a groan she twitched her nose as she tried getting comfortable once more as she hoped that she could go back to sleep once more. Burrowing her face deeper into the pillow in a desperate attempt to fall back asleep.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Snapping her eyes open she immediately sat up as she found herself staring up at an amused Sirius who closed the door to the room behind him with his foot. "How did you get into my dorm?"
He chuckled, "take a better look at your surroundings darling."
Doing as she was told, she looked around the room, taking note immediately of the familiarity and realizing that she was in fact in his dorm, and in his bed. Looking down, she saw that she was still in her nightgown and blushed in embarrassment. Grabbing the blanket, she clutched it to her chest.
"Trust me darling, you have nothing to be embarrassed for." Sirius chuckled, attempting to clean the dorm better as he made his way towards her, "I might tease you however for the fact that you drool a bit when you're asleep."
Flushed with embarrassment, she grabbed the pillow and threw it at him. "I don't drool."
He didn't even flinch as it hit him square in the chest, getting onto the bed, he leaned against the footboard and relaxed. "Indeed you do darling, quite adorable I might add. I can show you my shirt as proof."
Huffing, she let the matter drop. "Where are the others?"
"They're in class," he shrugged.
Growing wide eyed, she snapped her head towards the window to see that it was in fact morning already. "Why did you allow me to sleep in?"
"James and I decided it best that you sleep in as much as possible," he answered. Sirius snapped his fingers as a thought suddenly occurred to him, getting off the bed, he walked over to his desk where her bag sat along with her wand. "Pandora brought this for you, she filled it with necessities saying that you would need them upon waking up."
Appreciative of her friend's kindness, she accepted the bag. "When did she do this?"
"I had just stepped out of the common room and she was just standing there," he explained. "She must have saw you leave last night and put two and two together." He paused, "you can change in the bathroom if you want."
She noticed how he looked away from her, giving her the opportunity to get out from under the blanket and to slip into the bathroom. Once she closed the door, he breathed a sigh in relief.
"Just as gorgeous in the morning," he muttered.
Collecting his own things, he busied himself with cleaning his own area of the dorm while he waited for her to finish as he figured it would take her a while. Especially since she looked to still be half asleep from her dazed and wide eyed expression. When he just finished, she stepped out of the bathroom. She was dressed in a black pencil skirt with a blue jumper as her white collar poked out at the top. Glancing at the matching blue knee high socks, he squinted at them and felt his face flush.
He liked when she wore long socks for some reason.
Clearing his throat, he picked up his own wand. "Come with me, I have something planned for us."
"You do?"
Handing her the invisibility cloak, he smiled at her. "Take my hand, and just follow me."
Sirius had led her to the Astronomy tower, where a blanket and a few pillows were laying sprawled around. Gwen turned to look at him, only to see him grin before taking his seat and dropping his stuff next to him.
"Did you do this for me?"
"Yeah, I figured that we could relax here for a bit as I know that you have been getting overwhelmed being around others."
Appreciative, she took her own seat beside him, and began to take herbooks out. "I have to finish my paper over the memory charm." She began where she had stopped previously. "Obliviate is for erasing memories altogether whereas it is often mistaken for being used to create false memories."
Mumbling to herself, she was so invested in her homework that she hadn't noticed Sirius was watching her instead of doing his own homework that he neglected to do. She had left her hair down, it fell over her shoulders and got into her face as he watched her become frustrated after the tenth time of pushing it behind her ear. As much as he liked her hair down, he saw that it was beginning to grate her nerves.
"Come over here, pretty girl." He pushed his books to the ground, she frowned at this. "I promise to take better care of my books."
Flushed, she set her things aside. Crawling towards him, she sat in front of him with her back turned to him. Sirius was known for many things but having long hair was one of them, and sometimes he would tie it up when it got in the way. Taking her long white strands into his hands, he deftly separated the strands into three different sections before he began to braid it quite quickly as he didn't want her to think of his as a pervert.
"I have a ribbon here," she dangled a blue ribbon over her shoulder.
He tied the ribbon into a bow, it wasn't perfect but it held up her hair all the same.
"Done,"
She instinctively touched her hair and smiled. "Thank you Sirius,"
"Always," he grinned. "Now get back to work."
Two hours later, Gwen had finished her homework and even studied a few chapters ahead and took notes to avoid falling behind again and stressing herself out about it as she had been doing. Sirius had begrudgingly finished his homework and was now listening to the walkman she had given him, as he bobbed his head and used his wand as a drumstick of sorts.
"Darling?"
Looking up from the romance novel in her hands, she saw that he had a thought in his head.
"Yes?"
"I have a question for you," he sat up straight now. "You're the most clever witch I know and I figured that you would be the best person to ask about it."
"I'm all ears."
"Is it possible for there to be some spell or charm that could be used to track everyone's whereabouts at all times?"
All he received was a raised eyebrow, pushing her grasses further up the bridge of her nose, she clicked her tongue. "You're up to something aren't you."
Before he could speak, she shook her head. "For what you are asking, no. There is no spell or charm that exists that will do what you are asking." He wilted at her words. "However, if you were to use a map then you could spell it to be linked to doorways, windows and passageways with advanced detection charms in order to track everyone's movements. You would also need an identifying charm to notify you of who is entering and exiting and have it register to the map."
"Is it truly possible?"
Gwen shrugged, "it is all theory as I have never thought about creating such an object."
Sirius, hopeful, just grinned widely at her causing her to flush in response, "I knew that my clever witch would know the answer."
His clever witch?
This was the second time he had called her his and complimented her and it was rather intimate in nature. Clearing her head, she just muttered "you're welcome" and went back to reading her muggle romance novel that had been forgotten.
"Where were you today?" Lily questioned Gwen
Gwen and Sirius had just separated as he had Quidditch practice to get to and she was heading to the Great Hall for a snack as she had an early lunch that Sirius had packed for both of them to eat together in the tower.
"I overslept and then spent the day with Sirius" Gwen answered causing Lily to roll her eyes
She looked over to the three boys who were pushing each other and laughing. Remus was absent as he was with Madam Pomfrey in the medical wing because he had caught a nasty "cold" but he had seemed fine the last week or so.
Gwen wasn't crazy about pranking everybody like the boys were but she did enjoy the occasional prank every now and then. She did love spending time with the boys as they were always laughing and having fun, and were stupidly brave.
True Gryffindor's indeed.
Lily knew that Gwen enjoyed being friends with the obnoxious boys, unknowingly they were bringing her out of her shell by just the fact she had gotten rid of her stutter and actually partook in conversations with other people. She also knew that Gwen was lonely and if being friends with the boys would help her become the beautiful person she knew that Gwen was, then she would support her being friends with them. Even if they were bloody prats in her opinion, because even if she did start to tolerate their behavior and being around them, they still grated on her nerves.
"Just promise me that you won't get distracted from your studies at least"
"I promise." Gwen glanced at Sirius who had just turned the corner that led outside
The two girls continued on their way to the Great Hall, "So what did we learn in Potions class today?" It was Friday and she had missed Charms, Potions, Transfigurations and D.A.D.A
"We started learning the Herbicide potion, it's a potion that can kill or damage plants" Lily answered as she pulled out her textbook and handed Gwen her book which was already bookmarked with a small ribbon.
"Seems kinda boring" Gwen shrugged as she read over the contents of the textbook "I'd rather learn more about a potion that is actually interesting and useful."
"For somebody who thinks Potions are boring you seem to be doing really well in the class" LIly remarked with a smile as she took the book back from Gwen
"I still have to pass my classes regardless if it is boring or not. I enjoy transfigurations and herbology very much actually but my real passion is in the dark arts and magical creatures." She had several books about magical creatures back in her dorm in her trunk or her desk as she was very interested in the several species and often kept up with Newt Scamander's lectures and shows even after he had retired and handed the business off to his daughter.
"Quite right," she pushed a strand behind her ear.
Right as they were to walk into the Great Hall, Lily faltered. Sensing her friend's change in mood, she stopped and turned to her. "What is the matter Lily?"
"I need to apologize to you," she stated but refused to look her in the eye.
"Whatever for?"
"I have been quite angry and jealous of you for a while now but it was misdirected and even though you didn't know, I felt guilty for feeling that way towards you and not explaining why."
Clicking her tongue, Gwen was not surprised but instead she smiled at her. "I already knew of your feelings towards me, it wasn't too hard to figure it out but I do accept your apology even if I don't think you needed to apologize."
She furrowed her eyebrows, "how di–?"
"You were already angry with Severus from the summer and when I took note of your change in behavior, it wasn't too hard to figure out that you were angry and why because he was making time for me and not you even though he only came to me because he knew that I would help him with a new development of his."
She should have known that Gwen would have analyzed the situation logically whereas she was more emotional and took things personally. She narrowed her eyes at the younger girl, "you do realize that perhaps you could have said something instead of making me sweat."
Gwen shrugged, "it was entertaining."
"Piss off," Lily snapped but there was no more malice as she smiled widely at her friend.
"Uh huh, come I'm rather hungry now."
October came around quicker than expected, Remus had once more lied about having a cold in order to cover up his disappearance from class. He had been in the infirmary the day following the full moon, and now he was in the courtyard alone as he attempted to catch up on the work he missed the last couple of days. Although the professors were lenient towards him about turning in assignments and homework, he didn't want his condition to cripple him– academically wise—more than it already had.
"Oh there you are," looking up from his book, he saw Lily smiling as she made her way towards him. "I have been looking around for you."
"I apologize as I hadn't realized," he paused. "Would you like to join me?"
"I'd love too if you really don't mind."
Taking a seat next to him on the stone bench, he caught a strong whiff of her natural scent. She smelt of strawberries, chocolate, and lilies, as her namesake. At the reminder of strawberries, he remembered their first kiss, she had been wearing strawberry lipgloss. Even as she was smiling and talking animatedly about something, he could only focus on her lips that were coated in gloss and he suspected that it was the same strawberry lipgloss that she was always applying on.
Swallowing his saliva, he leaned forward and kissed her mid sentence.
His lips crushed against hers, swallowing her words as he had been desperate to erase the first attempt and give her a proper snog. Invading her mouth, he slipped his tongue against her lips and tasted her gloss, grinning to himself, before slipping his tongue inside her mouth as she had her mouth open mid sentence, but she seemed to have finally realized that she was being snogged by her crush. Closing her eyes, she allowed him to devour her lips in a fervent manner.
Flushed, she pulled away for air. Her chest heaved as she blinked back the hazy fog that had fallen over her as soon as he had kissed her. Nervous, Remus sat and waited for her to say something, anything at this point as he was afraid that her lack of response or even her laughter was a bad sign in itself.
"That k–kiss.." she trailed off.
"I'm sorry," he started. "I have been waiting to kiss you and I didn't know how to go about it and I thought that maybe if I just kissed you with no warning it would have been better as I didn't want you to laugh at me aga–"
Blinking, she smiled. "The kiss was perfect Remus."
Relaxing, he smiled back at her. She leaned forward and kiss him rather quickly before pulling out her book but that didn't stop her from reaching out to hold his hand.
Although, he was quite happy at that moment. He couldn't help the fact that his mind strayed and wondered whether Lily would have allowed him to kiss her or even get within twenty feet of her if she were to find out the truth. The truth of his condition and the limitations he had due to it. Yet as he gazed at her, something in him knew that she wouldn't reject him. That she would accept him and love him as he was.
Pushing those thoughts aside, he decided to enjoy the moment and went back to his book and continued reading on the charm he needed to learn for Flitwick's class Monday morning.
He had just entered the dorm only to hear applause and whistles. Confused, he dropped his bag on top of his desk and furrowed his eyebrows at his dorm mates who just all grinned wickedly at him.
"You're acting quite strange," he stated with a suspicious tone.
Sirius just smirked, "don't play coy with us Lupin." He snickered, "we know of your snog with Evans."
Wide eyed, he gaped at them. "How do you know about that?"
Peter just shrunk away, "we were looking for you and I had seen you with Evans, you had kissed her and so I left rather quickly."
He narrowed his eyes at him, only to sigh rather loudly. Swearing, he promised that he would pay Peter back for all the spying and snitching he had been doing lately and would make sure he learnt his lesson. His private life was his and not for everyone to know.
"Yes, I had snogged her."
James clapped his hand on his shoulder, "congratulations mate, we knew that you would be good at snogging a witch."
"Only our Remus could perfect snogging his second try," Sirius clapped. "Our pup is growing up."
Dryly, Remus just rolled his eyes before kicking his shoes off. "Thanks," he paused. "Why were you looking for me to begin with?"
This seemed to take the attention off him, which he was grateful for as both boys ran to their trunks. One pulling out the map and the other pulling out the invisibility cloak. "Peter here found a secret passageway on the second floor that we had missed. We are going to explore it straight after dinner, and you are coming with us."
"I still have some homework to finish," he pointed out.
James shrugged, "come on mate. It's been quite a while since we have discovered a new passageway."
Remus knew that if he didn't just agree to whatever they wanted, it would only be harder on him as they all knew that he would agree at the end of the day because he was curious by Hogwarts secrets.
Heaving a loud sigh, he just nodded. "Alright, fine but I'm not doing any of your homework as I have my own to do and this will set me back a bit."
"Atta boy Remus," Sirius cheered. "Now I have learned that there is another possible passageway from Peeves the other day."
James chuckled, "of course he held out on us about there being more passageways in this bloody castle."
"I also asked Gwen if she knew of a spell that could track people's whereabouts of the castle and she said that it was possible if we were to charm the map with several advanced charms as well as the doorways, windows and all the passageways of the castle."
While they spoke, he drowned them out as he couldn't help his mind straying from the temptation of Lily's warm lips and the taste of her strawberry flavored lipgloss. Lipgloss that he could still taste on his own.