AN: This is meant to be a one shot
Elliot Stabler rushed into the hospital, unable to breathe. Cragen hadn't been able to tell him much, only that both Olivia and Kathy had been involved in a severe car accident, having been crashed into from behind. On purpose by all accounts. He had not spoken to either Kathy or Olivia since their conversation on the phone in the car and he knew that he had to see them both desperately. One woman was his life long partner, who he had loved with his whole heart and soul for over 29 years and the other was his best friend! His ride or die, his person, the woman who would wrap him up in a hug after a bad case when he couldn't tell Kathy or his children, he needed them both to be ok.
He ran up the stairs, the elevator seemed to be taking too long. He needed to see his wife and child, he was overwhelmed by the bright colours of the maternity ward. He glanced through the window and saw a row of cots, a woman stood holding a tiny bundle in her arms. He soon realised that it was his partner, his best friend.
"Liv... what are you... you're alright! But where's Kathy?" He took a deep shaky breath. Olivia looked up, her face wet with tears.
"El..." She whispered, the look on his face was breaking her heart. She held the baby close to her chest, lovingly bouncing and rocking him. Elliot took a closer look and that's when it hit him. A baby?! His baby! But, why wasn't Kathy holding him? Kathy should be the one holding him unless... no, there must be something else! There must be something that he wasn't seeing.
Olivia returned her tear filled eyes back to the baby in her arms, she hadn't wanted anyone else to touch him; not even the nurse who was going to do his wellness check. Once the nurse had declared the child healthy, Olivia had taken him right back! It was the least she could do, to keep him safe and protected just as she had done when both herself and Kathy had been in the ambulance together, just as Kathy had given birth to him. The paramedic had very quickly thrust him to Olivia as they fought to save the child's mother and she had been very reluctant to give him up since then, she just couldn't! It wasn't right.
He frowned slightly, his body shaking with all the adrenaline and fear.
"Olivia... Liv? Why do you have the baby? Where is she? Where's Kathy?" He bit on his nails anxiously, almost looking like a child in his vulnerable state. Olivia's heart constricted painfully.
"El I'm..." She began and Elliot shook his head, no. She was just sleeping or the bathroom! Maybe at the very worst, she was in another surgery. Yes, that just had to be it! Olivia was just holding his baby because... well just because! He couldn't think of an answer that didn't tear his heart in two.
"Olivia please... where's Kathy?" He knew deep down in his heart, but God he didn't want to believe it! This couldn't be how it ended.
Finally Olivia turned her head to look at him, she did not want to be the one to have to tell her best friend that the love of his life, the mother to his 5 children one of whom she was holding in her arms was dead.
"I'm so sorry El... Kathy... she uhm she died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital!" She whispered, but she may as well have just shouted it because Elliot felt his heart stop. He ripped his gaze from hers and buried his head in his hands, letting out a heart wrenching sob. His wife was dead, the woman who had stood by his side for better or worse was gone.
Olivia was desperate to comfort him, she shifted the baby into one arm and wrapped her other arm around her partner, drawing him close to her body and resting her chin on his head. He immediately wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her chest, clinging to her with everything he had. He cried on her chest, he cried for his beautiful children who had no idea of the pain that was about to come, he cried for himself but most of all he cried for the little one in Olivia's arms who would never know their mother.
Olivia hiccuped tearfully, she held him as tight as she could and kissed his forehead. All she wanted was to protect him from his pain, the way he had always protected her! How she wished that she could take all of this burden from him.
"El I am so sorry!" She whispered soothingly, carefully running her fingers through his hair. She blamed herself for this entirely, she was the one who was driving and maybe if she had been paying closer attention then she would've seen the car driving at speed behind them and got out of the way in time. Then the baby who was currently cradled in her arms would still be in his mother's tummy and the four older ones wouldn't be losing their mother so soon! It wasn't right and she felt like it was all her fault!
After a while he finally wiped his tear soaked cheeks and lifted his face off of his partner's chest. He glanced at her bruised face and then at the squirming little one in her arms, he was in awe. Despite doing this four times over, his joy never dampened.
"Can I...?" He whispered, holding his arms out for his baby. Olivia stared for a moment before snapping out of the fog she was in. With love, tenderness and care, she gently placed the little bundle into Elliot's arms. She very gently ran her finger across the little one's head.
"She... uh Kathy had a name..." Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat. A name she had said just before she had flat lined for the second time, before they were unable to get her back.
"A name?" Elliot blinked owlishly, glancing between his friend and baby.
"Yes, for your baby boy!" She nodded softly, Elliot glanced down in awe. He was so in love with this baby already, just as he had been for his three daughters and his other little boy.
"My... my son!" Elliot said proudly, swallowing his tears down. He ran his finger up and down the baby's cheek, his heart melting as the little boy opened his eyes.
Olivia wet her dry lips with her tongue, "She wanted to name him after you! She was adamant, she wanted him to be named Elliot after his daddy!"
"After me?" Elliot's eyes filled with tears and he choked back even more tears.
"Hello little one, I'm your daddy!" He cooed, bursting into a fresh round of tears all over again. Olivia sat down, twisting her body until she was facing him and gathered him into a huge hug being careful not to squash the newborn between them. She couldn't think of anything to say; she couldn't tell him it would be alright because it wasn't, none of this was ok! His wife was dead and she had never felt so helpless before.
She held her best friend tighter as he cried and begged for his wife back. All she could do was rock them both back and forth and utter the only few words that came to her in that moment.
"I'm here... I'm not going anywhere!"
The next morning, Elliot had awoke with a scream.
"Kathy! I had the most terrible dream!" He started out before turning to his right and seeing her empty spot in the bed, it hadn't been a dream! It was all real, he'd lost his wife. His heart clenched as he rolled out of bed, this was really happening.
He stumbled out of the bedroom as his mind assaulted him with memories of the prior day, it hurt. It hurt so much! As he made his way to the living room, he saw Olivia sat on the couch with her arms around baby Eli very carefully feeding him and Lizzie laying on the sofa asleep beside her, her head resting on Olivia's lap. He took a good look and saw his older children dotted around the living room, tossing and turning in a fit of sleep.
"Hey..." Olivia whispered, watching as Elliot came to stand in the living room. He nodded at her, still overwhelmed by all the events that had happened.
"Liv... thank you!" He whispered, taking a seat next to them and stroking his son's little head. Olivia shook her head.
"You don't need to thank me El! We're partners, you're my best friend! I want to be here for you, you've always been there for me!" She whispered gently and it was true, she wanted to be by his side.
He nodded and looked at each of his sleeping children, whilst dotted around they were close in proximity to Olivia. Seeing his expression, she explained.
"All of them came out at different points in the night. Lizzie was first, we had a cuddle and a cry. Then it was Dickie, then Kathleen and finally Maureen... poor kid, trying to be strong for her little sisters and brothers!" Olivia explained and it didn't bother her at all! If her being there provided them with some comfort after they had just lost their mom the. She would do it for them.
His shoulders shook and before he knew it, he was buried in her arms again. Sobbing and crying out once again for Kathy, he missed her so fucking much! He thought he had cried out all his tears yesterday, clearly he hadn't. He nuzzled his face into her neck and wept, crying for everything he'd lost.
"Shhh..." She soothed, pressing a kiss to his head and keeping him within her embrace. He just clung on tighter, through all this she was becoming his rock.
Baby Eli was only 7 days old when his mother was buried. Olivia stood right by the graveside at both Elliot's and the children's insistence. Lizzie and Dickie were stood on either side of her, little Eli was close to her chest. Elliott had his arms wrapped around his two eldest girls and it was obvious that he was trying so hard not to cry again. He had always assumed that with him being a police officer and how wreck less he was sometimes that he would die first.
As the coffin slowly got lowered into the ground, each child stepped forward with a single pink rose, pink being Kathy's favourite colour. Maureen was the last to do it, the eldest child his brave girl! Who had protected her baby siblings from the very moment they found out! She let out a loud harsh sob and turned her face into her father's chest.
"Daddy!!" For a moment, Elliott was transported back in time to when she was a little girl, when the worst thing that had happened to her was falling off her bike or falling off the swings! This couldn't be fixed by ice cream and a band aid, this was going to be long and painful and his babies didn't deserve this.
"I'm here... Daddy's here!" He soothed, which started Lizzie's tears, then Dickie's and finally Kathleen's. Once they had said their goodbyes, Elliot got the elder ones sorted into the SUV whilst Olivia got little Eli into his car seat and they began the very cold and painful journey home. She had helped Elliot to get all the children settled into their rooms for the night and had helped Elliot put little Eli to bed. He had soon ended up on his side in his bed, sobbing pitifully whilst Olivia sat next to him, running a hand through his hair. He turned and buried his face into her side, letting out a very small hiccup.
She hadn't hesitated and hugged him tight, lovingly rubbing his back. He felt guilty for needing her so much! She had a life and here he was stopping her from living it. Olivia continued rubbing his back, his pain was her pain and all she wanted was to help him through it. Not only his pain but his children's too, if she could take it all away then she would!
Sometime around 4:00am, little Eli awoke with a loud cry. She got out of bed, untangling herself from Elliot's grasp and made her way to the nursery. She scooped up the tiny bundle and kissed his tiny forehead.
"Hi sweet boy!" She cooed, taking him out of the nursery and down to the kitchen to prepare him a bottle. Once she had made one, she got him settled in the crook of her arm and sat down on the sofa. She offered him the bottle which he took eagerly and her mind began to wander.
"Olivia?"
She jumped ever so slightly, and turned her head.
"Maureen? What are you doing up?" She said softly, watching as the brown haired 18 year old moved to sit close to her.
"I can't sleep..." She shuddered, snuggling into the one person who had helped her through the hardest period of her life.
"I'm so sorry, darling. Is there anything I can do to help you?" She whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to the teenage girl's head, watching with great sadness as Maureen closed her eyes. She was soaking up every single bit of Olivia's maternal comfort.
The young woman was silent for a while, Olivia had hoped that she'd fallen back to sleep until she heard some words that made her want to cry.
"Olivia... did you like my mama?" She whispered, her breathing hitched.
"Yes, I did. Your mama was so kind, gentle and a fantastic mother. She understood your dad and I... she understood our friendship, our bond that we have with each other and she welcomed me into your home and into your family, I will always love and respect your mom!" Olivia gently held the young woman to her chest.
"Eli will never know her... not properly!" Maureen wept.
"He will baby, he will know her through you! Through Kathleen, Dickie, Lizzie and your dad! He will see pictures, videos and we will all talk about her. She will never be forgotten!" Olivia soothed, quickly burping the baby and getting him off to sleep.
"I'm just going to put your brother to bed and I'll be back..." She whispered, getting up and placing the youngest Stabler into his cot before going back out and sitting beside the eldest child.
"What if I forget? What if I forget the smell of her perfume? Her voice? Liv... I miss her so much!" She let out a small sob, crawling into Olivia's lap and weeping, weeping for her mother. Finally she could cry and not feel guilty, she didn't have to be strong not when Liv was here.
"I know baby... I know! I've got you honey, you're safe. It's just you and me... we're going to get through this one step at a time!" She soothed her, wrapping her up in her arms and cradling her in her lap.
"Mama used to do this all the time when I was small..." Maureen whispered, shrinking herself down until her head was resting on Olivia's chest. Olivia smiled sadly, pressing motherly kisses to the eldest girl who'd had to be so brave over the last week.
"Maureen, I know I'm not your mom but if you ever need a mama cuddle then I'm always here for you!" She soothed, keeping her safe and secure in her arms. She could tell that Maureen was getting sleepy, she was getting lax in Olivia's arms and she said something that made Olivia want to cry.
"Love you Auntie Liv..." Those words, made tears roll down Olivia's cheeks.
"I love you too sweet girl!" She kissed her head, waiting until she was asleep fully before she spoke a loud, but quietly enough so that no one else would be able to hear her.
"I'll take care of them all Kathy, I promise."