Alec threw on his training gear, adding his gloves to cover up the damage and slipped out of his room. Just a bit of target practice would do the trick and help steady him a bit. Jace might not want to admit it, but sometimes solitude and letting out your frustrations were a good thing. A few hundred arrows flying from his fingertips sounded like just the thing he needed right now.

"And where do you think you're going?" Jace asked, leaning against the wall around the corner he just turned. Alec wanted to yell in frustration. Since when did people care about what he was up to? Sneaking around was fine for them when they wanted to do things under the Clave's radar. But now, when it came to him, it was like everyone had to know what he was doing at all times.

"I was just going to train. We can't all be as naturally gifted as you are," Alec replied, trying his hardest not to sound bitter. It wasn't Jace's fault he just so happened to be good at everything he tried. And as his parabatai, Alec wanted to see him succeed in all things, even if it meant leaving him behind.

"Training again? It seems like that's all you ever do, besides work," Izzy added, stepping out from a doorway. Was this an ambush? Had he not been hiding his deterioration as well as he thought?

"There isn't much else to do around here, is there?" Alec pointed out. Before Magnus, that was all he did and it wasn't questioned. But now it was a bad thing?

"Exactly. That's why it's okay to leave the institute on occasion. Get a little fresh air, maybe visit a few people?" Izzy suggested.

"I'll be getting plenty of fresh air on the roof while doing target practice," Alec sighed. He wasn't going to ask Izzy who she thought he'd visit, since his only friends were standing right in front of him. Of course she meant Magnus, but he was not going to get into that conversation with her. She'd been the one to push him into talking to him outside of Max's room, and look how that turned out. Alec knew it wasn't her fault, but it was easier to pretend it was right now.

"You're doing that again?" Jace asked with a grimace. Of course he'd bring up the time after Clary's mom was killed. As if Alec needed to be reminded of that. As if he still didn't wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and stifling a scream.

"I'm not doing anything again. I'm just training, which is something we do everyday. It just so happens that my chosen weapon requires longer distance targets than yours," Alec snapped, clenching his fist behind his back. He could feel the little bits of mirror he didn't pull out digging into his skin and he focused on that pain.

"Whoa, no need to flip out on us, we're just checking on you. I feel like I've barely seen you recently," Jace said, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I've been busy," Alec ground out. This didn't feel like a friendly check in, it felt accusatory and intrusive. And if they really pushed, there was no way he'd be able to keep them from figuring out how broken he was inside.

"I remember. That's what you told me before," Izzy replied.

"And it's still true," Alec sighed. "More work now means less work later. I'm tired of not being prepared and having something blow up in my face."

"Then let us help you," Izzy implored.

"You can't help me!" Alec yelled, turning his head away and closing his eyes as his temper flared. He was getting too honest with them and that wasn't safe. They'd never understand where he was coming from, no matter how right he was. "I am the head of this institute and I have responsibilities here. I can't just pawn them off when they get too hard."

"Then think of it as delegating," Jace suggested. "Everyone needs help sometimes."

"If you think I can't perform my job to the standards necessary, take it up with the Clave. I'm sure they'll listen to you, since you basically gave me the role out of pity," Alec spat, pulling himself to his full height to give off an air of authority. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go train." He didn't wait around to hear anything else from them. They would try to beat him down with their love and concern and he didn't deserve it. Maybe if their last interaction was one of anger, what happened next wouldn't hurt them so much.

"What the hell was that?" Jace mumbled as soon as Alec was out of sight. Isabelle rubbed at her forehead, feeling a headache building behind her eyes. Alec had been getting worse over the past few days and she was running out of ideas on what to do about it. She'd tried being a supportive sister, she'd tried being a bit more aggressive, but Alec rebuffed her at every turn.

Things had probably started deteriorating between them back when that demon possessed her and revealed her darkest, most hidden thought. She never planned on admitting how she felt about how her parents treated them, especially in a way that placed the blame on Alec, but there was no forgetting what was said. And no matter how much he would deny it, Alec was very sensitive and took every negative comment to heart. She never wanted to cause her brother pain, but she had.

And it was even worse with the disastrous yin fen addiction. Isabelle had lashed out at him because he was the easy target. Even at her lowest she knew she could push him away, but he'd come running back when she let him. And part of her had been angry, in a way she knew was irrational now, that he hadn't noticed how far she'd fallen. Alec had always been there, sometimes before she even realized she needed him. But this time he wasn't until after she'd already spiralled so far and the idea of admitting it and having to do the work had scared her.

The timing of it all had compounded the issue, since it came so soon after Max's party. She'd been so caught up in her own problems that she hadn't even checked on her brother, who'd tried to throw himself from the roof. Alec tried to brush it off as something completely caused by the warlock, but while everyone else had acted out in aggression, he'd gone the opposite way. He'd only tried to hurt himself.

People always underestimated her, from her parents to other shadowhunters, but she saw more than they thought. Her brother was not doing okay and she was determined to get to the bottom of it. Alec had always been there for her when she needed it, even when she pushed, so she was going to do the same for him.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

Magnus poured himself another drink, needing to feel the action of it instead of using magic to conjure one up automatically. He needed to have control of something, since what he really wanted was just out of reach.

If he were being honest, he'd been almost certain that he and Alexander would be back together by this point. They had their ups and downs, but they always found their way back to one another. This last fight about the Soul Sword had been one of their biggest, bringing heavier topics along with it, but now that the threat was over, he thought they would've worked it out. And he tried, but Alexander was being more stubborn than he had been leading up to that sham marriage.

Did he even want to bother trying anymore? Sure, this was a love unlike anything he'd felt before, and that was saying something for an immortal. But on the other hand, it really hadn't been very long. Maybe they were always meant to burn hot and peter off. Maybe they were only meant to get each other ready for their next stages in life. Maybe they weren't meant to be. Magnus didn't want to believe that, but maybe it was time to start being realistic.

Magnus rolled his eyes when he heard the knocking on his door. He could immediately tell it wasn't Alexander, so no matter who it was, it was going to be a disappointment to him. There was no law that said he had to answer it, so his unwanted guest could stay out there forever for all he cared.

"Magnus, it's Isabelle." Well, now his interest was piqued. He'd always enjoyed Alexander's feisty younger sister. And she had a fan for life after inviting him to Alexander's wedding. He could give her a few minutes of his time. Magnus flicked his wrist and opened the door from where he stood by his balcony.

"Isabelle, so nice to see you again," Magnus said casually, tipping his drink up at her.

"We need to talk," she replied, striding purposefully through the door and into his living room. Ah, that Lightwood tenacity.

"You know, I was just at the institute. You could've saved yourself the trip," Magnus pointed out. She probably wouldn't have gotten the best version of him right after the meeting with Alexander, but it still would've been preferable to her invading his home now. He wanted to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Maybe a trip to Italy to bathe in wine would do the trick.

"Well, I couldn't risk us being interrupted during our talk. This is about Alec."

"Color me surprised. I assumed you were here to talk about the weather."

"You need to talk to him," Isabelle insisted.

"Oh, but I have. Multiple times actually. What's that saying the mundanes have? Fool me once, fool me twice," Magnus shot back.

"He isn't okay."

"On the contrary, he assures me that he's never been better."

"He's lying!"

"And what do you expect me to do about it?"

"Do something! I thought you loved him. Maybe I was wrong," Isabelle scoffed. Magnus could feel the tingle of magic waiting to burst from his fingertips. No one questioned his love for Alexander.

"Don't you think I want to fix this?" Magnus shouted, slamming his glass down on the table next to him and feeling it crack. "I've tried, but I can't force him to change his mind. It's like you all think that since I've been around for so long that I don't have feelings, but I do. Maybe I can't keep putting myself out there just to be shot down."

"But isn't Alec worth the risk?"

"Alexander is worth everything to me, but at some point you have to admit defeat," Magnus whispered, feeling all of his righteous indignation leak out of him.

"Wow," Isabelle muttered, shaking her head in disappointment. "I never thought I'd see Magnus Bane giving up. Maybe this is what's best after all. My brother deserves someone who will fight for him, even when he's being an idiot. I guess it'll have to be me this time."

"Isabelle-"

"Thanks for your help, but I'll take it from here," Isabelle snapped, turning on her heel and stomping out the door. Magnus didn't even have the will to slam it behind her. Was she right? Was he giving up too easily? Alexander was so new to the world of opening himself up to other people that he was bound to make mistakes. Had Magnus not shown him enough grace? He was still so young, despite how he carried himself and all the responsibilities laid on his shoulders.

Maybe Magnus was being too hasty in his decisions right now. They'd all been dealing with a lot recently, so it only made sense for emotions to be running high. After things calmed a bit, they would be able to sit down and really talk things out. Even if they didn't get back together in a romantic capacity, they could always try being friends. Having Alexander in his life in any way was better than the alternative.

Magnus magicked away his mess, determined to figure out a way to fix things. He would give Alexander a few days, then try to talk to him again. There was no need to rush things and risk making them worse.

Alec shot arrow after arrow into the night sky, missing every single target. His hands were shaking so much that he could barely keep a grip on his bow. But instead of feeling the self hatred of failure coursing through his veins, he felt relief. This was his last test, wasn't it? The last thing he was good at? If he couldn't be a shadowhunter, there was nothing left for him to do.

Alec felt like he could finally breathe again, knowing that it would be over soon. He wasn't a good lover, he wasn't a good leader, and he wasn't a good fighter, so what else was there to say? No more hurting the people he cared about, no more bringing shame to his family legacy. The Lightwood name would rise to greatness again if you got rid of the stains. What was once tarnished would be new again. And Alec felt kind of honored to be the one who would set them on the right track.

He climbed down the side of the building, since he didn't have the power of his runes to get him down faster. He hadn't even picked up his stele from where he dropped it earlier, which was perfect. Now there would be no temptation to use it at the last moment.

Alec crept along the dark streets toward the city, knowing that if he was out there long enough, he'd find what he was looking for. There may not have been a lot of action lately, but there was always something. Some sort of evil that needed to be vanquished. A threat that was just a bit too overwhelming. Alec would put up a good fight, but sometimes things just happened. The Clave would see a warrior who fought valiantly until the end. The Lightwoods would lose a son, but gain the sympathy they could use to rebuild. Isabelle, Jace, and Max would carry on the family lineage to a place higher than he could imagine. Just as soon as he was out of the way for good.