"This isn't so bad, right?" Simon asked, turning his head slightly to face his companion. He and Alec were sitting on a bench on the porch of the cabin, watching the sun come up. Alec hadn't wanted to try going back to sleep after his nightmare and Simon didn't push. He was finally making a decision for himself and Simon wasn't going to question it. Alec would fall asleep when he was ready.

"Must be nice, not having to worry about it burning you alive anymore," Alec replied, smirking a little.

"Oh, you have no idea. You never really think about how many hours of daytime there are until it becomes lethal. And daylight savings time became my mortal enemy," Simon laughed, seeing a little bit of promise in their casual conversation. Talking about anything was a good step. "And only being able to go out on dates at night kind of sucked."

"Well, if you date a warlock, they can portal you to wherever in the world is dark at the time."

"That's not a bad idea, actually. Don't tell Maia I said that though. I don't want her thinking I'm looking into other options."

"How is that going, by the way? Vampires and werewolves aren't really known to get along very easily, let alone date. It's pretty unusual."

"I don't really subscribe to things like that. And neither do you," Simon pointed out. "A shadowhunter and a warlock is pretty unusual as well." Alec ducked his head, but Simon caught the bashful smile on his face.

"I'll admit, I resisted at first. For multiple reasons. I wasn't exactly experienced in that area before Magnus," Alec sighed, shaking his head fondly. "But Magnus has this way about him that makes him hard to shake. Even when everything else was screaming that it was the wrong decision, I still chose Magnus. It was always Magnus."

"You were listening to your instincts. To your heart. They'll rarely lead you astray."

"I'm not sure about that. It feels like for every good decision I make, I make five bad ones," Alec mumbled, staring out into the distance. "I've made so many mistakes with Magnus. It's hard to believe he'd still want me around."

"Take this with a grain of salt, since I've only got you beat by one in the relationships department, but they aren't always smooth sailing. There are going to be fights and disagreements, no matter what the situation. And sure, the ones in our lives may have more far-reaching consequences than others, but we're still allowed to make mistakes. And we're allowed to forgive them too."

"But aren't some unforgivable? Doesn't everyone have a line where they say enough is enough and cut their losses?"

"Sure, but you don't get to decide that for anyone else. No one does. And Magnus decided to forgive you, for whatever mistakes you think you've made. Don't you think that says something about how much he loves you?"

"Or maybe he's too blinded by love to make a rational decision?"

"You are so stubborn and frustrating!" Simon laughed, shaking his head at Alec's ability to always steer things back to him being the issue. He'd make a great lawyer if he could point his argument in a different direction. "And yet, I'm still here. Sorry to tell you this, but I'm definitely not in love with you. So I guess that means I'm in the right frame of mind when I tell you that you're worth the effort, even in the hard times."

"But it's not the same," Alec sighed.

"Let me ask you a question," Simon proposed, twisting on the bench so he was facing Alec more. "Do you think Magnus ever stopped loving you? Throughout all the drama and hard stuff, do you ever think that Magnus realized loving you was a waste of time and decided not to anymore?" Simon could see the thoughts warring in Alec's brain. He was happy to see that Alec wasn't just going to give him the first flippant answer that came to mind like he might've the day before.

"I don't and that's what scares me the most," Alec admitted, rubbing his forehead a little. "Magnus was the first person who chose to love me because he wanted to, not because he was family and it was expected. It just- it feels too big."

"Did you ever stop loving Magnus?"

"Of course not! And I don't think I ever could."

"Don't you realize how special that is? To have someone who loves you just as much as you love them? The only thing that's worse than a lack of love is a love that isn't reciprocated. I know about that firsthand, and it sucks," Simon chuckled. He was over Clary now and cherished their friendship, but it was still hard to go through. "What's stopping you from letting yourself go back to Magnus and be happy? If that's what you want?"

"It is, it's just…" Alec trailed off, looking a bit pensive.

"What?" Simon prodded, wanting Alec to get the words out before he clammed up again.

"It's stupid."

"It's not."

"You don't know that."

"Then tell me."

"I-I'm mad too," Alec admitted softly. "Or, not mad, but hurt. I don't really know how to explain it."

"Try." Simon took a chance, setting his hand on Alec's shoulder in support. He'd held him in the bathroom more intimately than this, but it was always hit and miss if Alec would accept any physical comfort. To Simon's relief, Alec seemed to relax a bit under his touch.

"Magnus says he's forgiven me for everything and I believe him, I do. But I still feel hurt over what happened and I feel like I don't have the right to. I'm lucky enough that Magnus has decided to overlook all my faults and that should be the end of it, but it's not. I want it to be, but it isn't."

"And what is it that you're upset about?"

"He gave up on me," Alec whispered, wiping a thumb under his eyes in embarrassment. "I feel like such a child saying that. But I'd convinced myself that Magnus would always be there and when he wasn't, it broke me."

"Oh, Alec."

"And he had every right to, I know that. I betrayed his trust and there was so much going on and he had to focus on what was most important at the time. I'd just thought that Magnus would be the one who would never leave me and watching him walk away from me at the institute was the moment I knew that I had nothing left."

"Alec."

"And it was all ending with a two minute conversation where I couldn't even explain what I was thinking or feeling. I just wanted Magnus to give me a chance. But all I felt in that moment was another person casting me aside as not worth the trouble and I couldn't handle it. Now that he's taken me back, I should forget about all that and feel grateful. But that feeling is still there."

"Have you tried telling Magnus that?"

"I can't. He doesn't deserve that from me."

"He doesn't deserve your honesty? He doesn't deserve to know how you really feel?" Simon challenged. Alec looked a bit ashamed at that. "Don't you see that not talking about it is hurting you? You wanted a chance to say your piece before and now you have it."

"It just feels like it's too late. Like it's rehashing old issues."

"But it's still affecting you. Communication is so important and I know it's hard sometimes, but hasn't talking to me been at least a little bit helpful?"

"It's been really helpful," Alec admitted. Simon resisted his urge to cheer out loud at that. This was about Alec, not his own pride.

"So why not tell Magnus what you're feeling? Let him know what's inside your heart so it will be easier to deal with the next crisis, since there will most likely be another one. But instead of letting it break you, it could bring you closer together. You know Magnus wants openness and transparency and you need understanding and grace. If you learn how to give each other what you need, things can only get better."

"And what if we can't? What if we try all the talking and we keep making the same mistakes?" Alec asked. Simon wasn't going to say that sometimes love wasn't enough to keep a relationship going. That would be unnecessarily bleak at the moment, even if it was true. Alec needed hope right now.

"You won't know until you try."