Alec was nervous. He felt kind of silly admitting that, but it was true. It hadn't been that long since he'd seen Magnus, but he felt like a completely different person. Not entirely fixed, but on the road to getting better. And there was still a part of him that was worried about what Magnus' reaction would be to it.

Magnus had been the one to challenge him after the incident with the demon and Clary's mother. He'd also been the one there after the disaster of Max's party. Magnus was always the one to tell Alec that he was free to open up to him, but Alec had never truly taken him up on his offer. What if all of that was mouth service in the end? What if Alec was more trouble than he was worth?

Alec knew deep down that that wasn't true. Magnus really did love him. But again, Alec was a work in progress. It was going to take more time for him to really settle into his new way of living and thinking. But he was ready to give it a shot at home now.

Simon texted Magnus on the cell he'd left and Alec went outside to wait. The cabin felt too claustrophobic somehow, now that they were leaving. Maybe it was just the anticipation that seemed like it was filling the space. Or maybe Alec just wanted privacy during his reunion with Magnus. Either way, he was standing next to the lake, imagining what it was going to feel like to see Magnus again. Simon was good company, but Magnus was… Magnus.

Alec had never quite felt anything like he had when he first saw Magnus. It was like everything he thought he knew about love had been thrown out the window. Like he had woken up for the first time to a world of color, sort of like that weird movie Magnus had made him watch once with the dog and the shoes. His life hadn't exactly been sepia toned, but it wasn't as vibrant as it was with Magnus.

And the feeling never quite went away. Even during the hardest times, there was something about Magnus' presence that made things just the tiniest bit better. Thinking that he'd lost Jace had been one of the worst moments of his life, but Magnus being there made it bearable, even if they weren't together. But if they could find their way back to that place they'd once been, where they were together and happy, Alec would fight tooth and nail to keep it. They just had to reunite first.

"Alexander."

Alec couldn't breathe, but in the best way. It wasn't like when he felt like he was constantly being crushed under the weight of impossible responsibility. It was the deep satisfaction of knowing that you were in the company of the one person you loved most in the world. Alec turned around slowly, wanting to savor the feeling for as long as possible. The anticipation that had felt stifling only minutes ago, now felt exhilarating.

Whatever he thought he was going to feel the first time he saw Magnus again was nothing compared to the reality of the moment. It hadn't been very long since they'd seen each other, but it felt like forever. And Magnus was more beautiful than Alec remembered. Maybe it was because there was always something inside of him holding back, not willing to let anyone in all the way. But now that he was trying, he couldn't figure out why he fought it for so long.

"Magnus."

That seemed to break the spell and both of them rushed forward, meeting in the middle of the clearing with only a few inches between them. Magnus' eyes were impossibly bright and he smelled like the cologne he always wore and he just felt like home. This was it for Alec and he knew that deep in his gut, without a shadow of a doubt.

"Hi."

"Hi," Alec repeated, huffing out a quiet laugh. He didn't know what to say. It felt like those first times he was in Magnus' presence and he'd been inundated with all these new feelings.

"I missed you."

"I love you," Alec rushed out. He felt like he couldn't waste another second without saying that. Only he and Simon truly knew how close Alec came to never getting a chance to say those words again. And Alec's heart had been screaming it every second he was pushing Magnus away, but now he was never going to stop saying it. "I love you."

"I love you too," Magnus replied, raising his hand to touch him, before hesitating. Alec made the first move, grabbing Magnus' hand and resting it on his cheek. He'd never felt warmer.

"Can you say that again?" Alec asked, staring down into those eyes he would never get tired of getting lost in.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I love you. I am madly, truly, irrevocably in love with you. And it would take me an infinite amount of lifetimes to even scratch the surface of how deep that love goes," Magnus said, putting more passion into his words than Alec could ever remember. "But I plan on trying, if you'll let me."

"I think I can do that," Alec murmured, dipping forward into Magnus' arms. They stayed that way for a while, just basking in each other's embrace. Alec knew they still had a lot to talk about and it probably wouldn't all be easy, but he was going to appreciate this moment while it lasted. If this was how it could always be, he was going to do whatever it took to keep it this way.

When they finally broke apart, Magnus didn't let him get very far. His hands hovered all around him, checking over every inch of his body. Alec let him, knowing how terrible he must've looked before he left. If Magnus needed the reassurance that he was safe and whole, he'd let him have it.

"You look… better," Magnus said carefully.

"I feel better. I am better," Alec confirmed. Magnus beamed up at him, but his eyes were a little sad at the corners.

"Alexander, I'm so sor-"

"Magnus, you don't need to-"

"Please, let me finish," Magnus requested, waiting until Alec nodded his consent. "I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"It wasn't-" Magnus cut him off with a finger to his lips, just like he had so long ago. Alec couldn't help but smile, even though he knew the conversation was about to get heavy. He kissed the pad of Magnus' finger, nodding again for him to go on.

"When you love someone, you don't give up on them, even when they push you away. I knew deep down what you were doing and why you were doing it, but I was letting my own hurt color my actions. Even if we never got back together or even stayed friends, I should've done something when I saw how much you were struggling. The fact that I almost lost the opportunity forever will be something that will take me a long time to deal with."

"I was going to die that night," Alec admitted, feeling completely bare now that those words were out. "I convinced myself that everyone would be better off if I was gone."

"Oh, Alexander."

"Please don't ever think it was your fault. You were the one good thing I had left and I never stopped loving you for a second," Alec choked out, feeling his eyes fill with tears again. "But I knew how much I hurt you and the thought of living with that or doing it again was too much. I didn't see how things could get better and I was terrified at the idea of them getting worse."

"Alexander, there is no version of this world that would be better without you in it. You deserve to be here and be happy," Magnus insisted, thumbing away the tears rolling down Alec's cheeks.

"My biggest fear throughout my whole life has been failure. Failure to live up to my parents standards, failure to be a leader, failure to just be myself. But I'm glad I failed that night. I'm so glad I'm still here," Alec confessed, and he meant it. He was happy to be alive and have another chance.

"I'm glad you're still here too. So, so glad," Magnus said softly, staring up into his eyes.

"Do you think we could talk about this some more at home?" Alec asked, biting the inside of his cheek. "I mean, at your loft."

"Alexander, that will always be your home, for as long as you want it."

"Yeah?"

"It hasn't been the same since you haven't been around."

"It hasn't?"

"Nope. The cushion you like to sit on on the couch has started to puff back up again. And your favorite towel is so lonely in the closet."

"Right," Alec scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"And your side of the bed," Magnus sighed, running his fingertips up and down Alec's arm. "It's so cold without you."

"Oh, mine wasn't. But I had Simon," Alec joked, chuckling at Magnus' disgruntled look. "I'm kidding. We should probably get back to him though. He has a tendency to freak out if I'm out of his sight for too long."

"I already portalled him back to New York. He said he wanted to give us privacy."

"Oh."

"Is that okay? Is there something I should know?" Magnus teased.

"I don't know what I would've done without him here," Alec admitted, and that was the truth. "I need to figure out a way to thank him for everything."

"We can brainstorm when we get back home. I have the world at my fingertips. Unless you wanted to stay here a bit longer?"

"I think I've had enough nature actually. Home sounds perfect."

"Home it is," Magnus declared, looping his arm through Alec's and leading him back to the cabin. They packed up the few things Alec had into a bag and stood in the main room as Magnus gathered his magic to make a portal.

Even though Alec was a city boy through and through, this place would always be dear to his heart. The long days and hard nights spent here with Simon would never be forgotten. Maybe they would come back one day, hopefully for a less stressful reason. But for now, Alec was going home.

"Ready?" Magnus asked, holding his hand out for Alec to take. Alec placed his hand into the love of his life's, smiling contentedly at whatever was in store for them. It was going to be hard and there would probably be times he wanted to give up and go back to the way things were, but he was determined to try his hardest. His life was worth living and this time, if he was going to go down, he'd go down swinging.

"Ready."