"I saw Magnus and I thought, I hoped…" Izzy trailed off, looking up at him with wide eyes. Alec barely noticed Clary stepping out of the room to give them privacy. He'd been so nervous to see Izzy again, coming up with so many reasons why she wouldn't accept him. But seeing her standing in front of him made all those fears slip away. Just like Magnus, Izzy was his home.

"Iz," Alec whispered, hesitantly opening up his arms. Izzy didn't waste a second, barrelling into him and latching around his waist like she wasn't sure she'd ever get the chance again. And for a time, that was almost true. Alec buried his face in her hair, pushing every other thought out of his head.

"Don't you ever leave me again. You understand?" Izzy demanded, trying to sound firm. The little wet laugh she let out afterward kind of ruined the effect.

"I won't. I'm not going anywhere," Alec promised. Even if things didn't work out for him in the institute, he wasn't going to give up on his family. If he was willing to fight to earn every day of the rest of his life, he was willing to fight to keep them in it.

"Alec!" Jace exclaimed, bursting through his bedroom door. Alec felt his eyes burn as he saw his parabatai again and he held one arm out, making the invitation clear. Jace rushed forward, sliding into place beside him and completing their circle the way it had meant to be since they were kids.

"Jace," Alec murmured, pulling them both closer.

"I felt you. I knew you were here," Jace said, brushing his hand against where the rune connecting them laid. Now that Jace had mentioned it, Alec was starting to feel the natural pull coming from it for the first time since everything started. He'd been so scared that it would be gone forever, but maybe it wasn't.

"I missed you guys so much," Alec whispered, wishing they could stay like this forever. That they could bring Magnus, Simon, and Clary into the room and shut the whole world out for good. But he knew it was unrealistic. And they still had everything to deal with, no matter how perfect things seemed in this moment. Alec couldn't let things go back to the way they were. He owed it to himself and to them to lay everything out on the table.

"It wasn't the same around here without you. Like the only thing that made this place bearable was missing," Izzy said, pulling back a little to look up at him.

"I thought you would've enjoyed not having me here for a bit. No one bossing you around," Alec joked. He knew that his words hadn't been the best choice when Izzy's face fell after hearing them. "Sorry."

"Do you really think we don't want you around?" Izzy asked, sounding defeated and guilty. He knew those feelings intimately. And he knew that being honest was going to hurt all of them, but he needed to speak his truth.

"Yes," Alec admitted. The hug fully broke apart now and Izzy wrapped her arms around her stomach, looking completely devastated. "Not always, but yes."

"That's not true!" Jace denied.

"Jace-"

"I always want you by my side! You're my parabatai!"

"That hasn't been true since Clary got here!" Alec snapped.

"Are we back to that again?" Jace asked incredulously. "Are you still blaming Clary?"

"I'm not blaming Clary for anything. I'm talking about me and you," Alec insisted. He hadn't been expecting a fight to break out so soon, but maybe they needed this. They needed to hear each other out for once, instead of being defensive. "I've already apologized to Clary for how I've treated her. This is about us."

"We're fine."

"We're not. And we haven't been for a while. Jace, you know this. Ever since Clary got here, it's like you stopped talking to me. You went off and did whatever you wanted, without even thinking of the consequences."

"That's crap! I've dealt with the consequences. I got stuck with Valentine, I got sent to the City of Bones!"

"But did you ever think about the things I had to deal with to clean up your messes? Alec not agreeing to the plan was always the big joke, but did you ever think about why? Do you think I did it to be a jerk?"

"I think you like being in control," Jace shot back.

"Someone had to be! Every choice I made was to protect you! To protect everyone!" Alec shouted, shaking his head in disbelief. "Do you think that's what I wanted? To be on the outside looking in while you left me behind? To know that you didn't trust me?"

"I never stopped trusting you!" Jace denied.

"Guys, we shouldn't be fighting," Izzy implored.

"I didn't trust you either. Not like I thought I did. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything about it, but I was scared," Alec said quietly. Jace's look of anger turned to one of confusion.

"Scared of what?"

"More than I'd like to admit," Alec huffed. "I was scared that you wouldn't need me. That you'd realize I never really fit in with you two. That nothing I did would be enough. That I would fail you."

"Alec, we were never your responsibility! Is that how you saw us?" Izzy gasped, covering her heart. "We're family, not your job."

"And I love you both with all my heart. But I didn't believe that I was good enough for you to love back," Alec choked out, closing his eyes as his emotions threatened to overtake him. "I've never felt like anything I did was good enough, but as long as you two were okay, that was okay. Then things kept getting worse and I kept falling short and I couldn't take it anymore. I was never going to be what everyone wanted from me."

"Alec-"

"I wasn't a good enough brother or friend to you two. I wasn't a good enough son for our parents. I wasn't a good enough leader for the Clave. I wasn't a good enough boyfriend for Magnus. And I felt like I was breaking my back and trying my best, but still wasn't enough," Alec stammered, feeling the dam inside of him cracking. "And I'm not saying this to guilt you or make you feel bad. This is me being honest. And if I were being honest a week ago, I would've told you that I wouldn't be standing in front of you right now."

"You were going to leave the institute?" Izzy asked quietly, looking up at him with fear in her eyes. Alec knew that she knew it was more than that, but if he didn't say the words she could pretend it wasn't that serious. Pretending was what led him to that point.

"I was going to leave everything, Izzy," Alec whispered, swiping at his eyes as he felt the first tear fall. No one said anything for a few minutes as they absorbed what that truly meant. Alec wasn't sure how he had convinced himself so fully that no one would care when he was gone. It was a strange combination of having no self worth and being completely selfish. But Alec had only wanted to protect himself from witnessing the pain he would cause. Now he was being confronted with it. "I'm so sorry."

"Alec," Izzy sobbed, rushing forward and pulling him into another hug. Alec tucked his face into her neck, hunching over to fit against her smaller frame. "I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault," Alec murmured, sucking in a shaky breath. "I pushed everyone away."

"But we should've pushed back!" Jace snapped angrily. Alec looked up at him in surprise.

"Jace-"

"I took you for granted. I knew that you would always be there for me, no matter what I did. And so I never bothered to think about what that would do to you," Jace ground out, raking a hand through his hair. "You deserved so much better from me. I can't apologize enough."

"You've been going through so much too. I get it."

"Stop making excuses for me. I should've known what was going on, but I wasn't paying attention."

"And I was too stubborn to tell you."

"That ends now," Jace declared firmly, dragging a hand down his face. "We're gonna talk to each other. And not only after things have gone wrong and we have no other choice."

"Agreed. And no more throwing yourself in the line of fire for us. We will accept our own consequences," Izzy added.

"But we won't just do what we want without discussing it with you first."

"And I promise to hear you out, instead of just shooting down your ideas and blaming it on the Clave," Alec replied. "I have to accept that we might not always agree on what's best, but it's not personal. We just have a different way of doing things."

"So can we stop fighting and appreciate being together again?" Jace asked in exasperation. Alec could see the tears shining in his eyes. They still had things to talk about, but this was progress. When emotions weren't so heightened, they could continue.

"Get over here," Alec said, holding out his arm again for Jace.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Jace mumbled as he wrapped his arms around Alec again.

"It's okay. We're gonna be okay," Alec murmured, breathing out a sigh of relief now that his most important reunions were taken care of. It hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped, but he hadn't resorted back to hiding away his feelings and suffering in silence. And still, Izzy and Jace stuck by him. It gave Alec the confidence he needed to continue on this path.