My alarm clock rings, and I wake up. I notice Tom sitting in a chair next to my bed, and he is staring at me. He speaks: "Good morning, Nick. Are you ready to watch Jordan's golf tournament today?"

"I'm going to take a shower first," I say. I get out of my bed, and I go into my bathroom. I go into the shower, and I turn the hot water on. I wait for the water to warm up, which takes about fifteen seconds. I walk into the shower with my clothes on. I rub a bar of soap on my body and my clothes, cleaning myself. I then rinse the soap off of my body, and I turn the water off, and I walk out of the bathroom, where Tom is waiting.

Tom speaks: "Nick, why do you shower with your clothes on?"

"It saves me time; I don't have to do the laundry separately. That's not important though. Let's just go to the golf tournament," I reply. Tom reaches for my arm, and we start holding hands. We walk out of my house together, and we get into my car. I turn the ignition on, and I start driving the car to the Nebraska Golf Stadium.

As I'm driving, Tom speaks to me: "Hey, let's play I Spy." I stop at a stop sign. "I spy something red and octagonal," he says.

"Damn, I wonder what it could be," I say. After stopping at the stop sign, I continue driving. "Is it the sky?"

"Correct. Are you reading my mind or something?" Tom says. I continue driving. "This game of I Spy is getting boring. Let's play Tic-Tac-Toe instead," he says. He pulls out a piece of paper, and he draws a 3x3 grid on it. He then draws an X in the middle square. "Here, it's your turn."

Tom then shoves the piece of paper in front of my eyes, blocking my vision. "Tom! Get that shit out of my face! I can't see!" I say. Suddenly, I feel my car hit something. Tom moves the Tic-Tac-Toe paper out of my face, and I look back through my rear-view mirror to see what I hit. I see what is barely recognizable as the body of a dead baby. "God dammit, Tom. Look what you made me do. Wait here, I have to do something."

I pull over, and I get out of my car. I approach the dead baby, and I start licking the blood off of its body. The iron-like taste of blood feels good on my tongue. My taste buds find this act to be very pleasurable. As I lick the blood, some of it stains my face and my clothes. I swallow with a mouthful of blood, and I feel it slowly travel down my esophagus. Oh, right, I should probably do something about this corpse so I don't get caught. I reach into my pocket, and I pull out my necromancy book. I then use the resource-conversion spell on the dead baby, and it turns into a single bone, which I store into the book. There isn't a single trace left of the body.

I return to my car, where Tom is still waiting in the passenger seat. I speak to him: "If you ever mention this again, I'll turn you into a skeleton." I continue driving to the golf stadium, and Tom is silent for the rest of the trip.

I arrive at the Nebraska Golf Stadium, and I notice a good parking spot. I park my car, and Tom and I get out. We approach the stadium; Jordan and President Roosevelt are standing outside.

Jordan speaks: "Hi. I knew you'd come. Here, I have seating tickets for you." Jordan then hands us two tickets. "Alright, we'll be starting the golf tournament soon," she says.

Jordan and Roosevelt then walk around the stadium to the back entrance. Tom and I walk in through the main entrance, and we go to our seats.

There's still something that doesn't make sense to me… I should ask Tom about it. "Hey Tom. Why are they playing golf in a stadium? I thought golf is supposed to be played on some kind of large course."

Tom replies: "Oh, you're thinking of Golf. These guys are playing Golf 2. It just came out a few months ago."

Suddenly, the announcer for the golf tournament starts speaking. "Hello everybody, welcome to the 1934 International Golf Tournament. Golf 2 is a relatively-new game, so I will explain the rules to everyone. Basically, there are no rules, and the author of this story will pull a bunch of random bullshit to force this garbage plot to progress. Got it?" The crowd starts cheering.

The announcer then starts to introduce the teams. "Team 1 from the United States: Franklin Roosevelt and Jordan Baker. Team 2 from the United Kingdom: William Shakespeare and Jane Austen. Team 3 from Germany: Karl Marx and C-Day…"

I look at C-Day from Germany. She's wearing a mask that looks like an orca, so I can't see her face. However, she looks kind of familiar. Have I seen her somewhere before? I look at Tom: "Hey, I think I remember meeting C-Day before. Does she remind you of anyone?"

Tom replies: "Not really. Maybe my Magic 8 Ball knows." Tom pulls out his Magic 8 Ball. "Hey, Mr. Magic 8 Ball, who is C-Day's real identity?"

A message comes up on the Magic 8 Ball: "T̓̈́͝h̓̐e̔̔͊ e͌͐͠m̾̈́̓b̒̔o͆̾̽d͒̚̚i̔͊̚m͒̚è̔͠n̿͋̚t̿͆͛ o͆̈́f͐́͠ e͌̓̚v̔͑͐i̔̚l͌̈́̈́ i̒̓̐n̽͛͒ ḯ́͝t̿̓s͐͆̚ h̽͌̚u͛̈́̕m͌́a̓͝n͑͑͐ f̔͑͝ö́͒͌r͆͊͑m͐̓͝.͌́̕"

I speak: "Okay, that's pretty creepy."

Tom responds: "So is drinking the blood from a roadkill baby."

The announcer finishes announcing the teams, and I can see all the golf players in their positions. The teams are all lined up in a large ring around the arena. There are holes with country flags on them near each team, and there is a single golf ball in the center.

Jordan speaks to Roosevelt: "Formation N." The starting whistle goes off, and Roosevelt runs straight towards the ball, while Jordan runs in the opposite direction towards the stadium walls. Holy shit, President Roosevelt can run fast. Roosevelt gets to the ball first, and he hits it backwards with a wedge, sending it flying into the air towards Jordan.

Jordan then jumps onto the wall of the stadium, and she kicks herself off of it, flying straight towards the ball. She prepares her 7-iron club. While she's getting in range of the ball, President Roosevelt rushes to the left, and he jumps up. Jordan hits the ball with the 7-iron towards President Roosevelt, and he spikes it into one of the opposing team's holes with his putter.

The announcer speaks: "Team 8 has been eliminated by Team 1! Seven teams remain!"

This all happened in the span of about six seconds. I could barely keep up with what was going on. Everyone goes back to their starting positions, except for Team 8, who exits the arena. However, there are three golf balls in the middle now instead of one.

Jordan starts discussing her plan with President Roosevelt. "We'll start with Formation Q. I'll observe the other teams, and I'll give you the signal." The whistle goes off again, and Jordan and Roosevelt both rush over to their golf hole, and stand in front of it. I notice the players who run towards the golf balls in the center: C-Day from Team 3, both players from Team 5, one player from Team 4, and Jane Austen from Team 2. Jordan then makes some signs with her hands, while Roosevelt watches. Roosevelt then nods his head.

All the players who rushed towards the balls arrive at nearly the same time. A few seconds later, I notice the players who obtained the balls: One of the players from Team 5, Jane Austen, and the player from Team 4. Suddenly, C-Day does a slide, and she steals the ball from Team 5's player. C-Day then rushes towards Team 7's goal with it. Team 7 is being guarded by both players, so I doubt that she'll actually be able to eliminate them. C-Day then strikes the golf ball with her driver. However, the instead of hitting the ball towards Team 7's goal, it goes to the left. However, she hit the ball with a large amount of rotational force, so its trajectory curves mid-air. Team 7's players move towards the side of the hole closer to the ball, as they get ready to block it. However, like a boomerang, the ball turns around, and returns to C-Day. The path from her to Team 7's hole is open; C-Day shoots the ball directly into Team 7's hole. While I was focusing on C-Day, the other players were doing some stuff, which I wasn't paying attention to.

The announcer speaks: "Team 7 has been eliminated by Team 3! Team 5 has been eliminated by Team 1! Team 4 has been eliminated by Team 2! Four teams remain!"

The remaining teams are 1, 2, 3, and 6. They all reset positions, and I notice two balls in the center of the arena this time. President Roosevelt speaks to Jordan: "I'm going to execute operation 3."

The whistle blows, and I notice William Shakespeare and Karl Marx rushing towards the balls in the center of the arena. Jordan then rushes to the left towards Team 6. However, President Roosevelt is planning something strange. He throws his golf club towards the balls, and surprisingly, it actually hits one. The ball is knocked to the left, and it is heading straight for Team 6's goal. Jordan intercepts the ball, and knocks it straight upwards. She jumps up, and spikes the ball into Team 6's goal.

In the center of the arena, Karl Marx has obtained the other ball, which he knocks backwards towards C-Day. C-Day then rushes towards Team 1's goal where Roosevelt is at. C-Day tries her strategy by launching the ball to the right, but Roosevelt doesn't fall for it. As the ball is about to return to C-Day, Roosevelt intercepts it, and he steals it. He then rushes towards Team 2's goal. He shoots the ball towards Team 2's hole, and Jane tries to block it with her golf club. However, her golf club breaks, and the ball flies straight into Team 2's hole.

"Team 6 and Team 2 have been eliminated by Team 1! Two teams remain!"

I expect the arena to reset and have some golf balls appear in the middle, but something else happens. The announcer speaks: "Now, it's time for the final round."

Jordan speaks to Roosevelt: "I'll go for C-Day, and you go for Marx." The whistle starts, and I see both teams run towards each other while holding their golf clubs.

C-Day swings her golf club at Jordan, and she blocks it with her own club. Jordan then kicks C-Day, and C-Day catches Jordan's leg, and throws her forward. I notice Roosevelt and Marx fighting each other with their golf clubs. Suddenly, Karl Marx pulls out a book; I notice that it's called The Communist Manifesto. Marx then points the book at him, and he shoots a laser at Roosevelt, knocking him out.

The announcer speaks: "Franklin Roosevelt has been eliminated by Karl Marx!"

I speak to Tom: "What the hell is going on? What kind of golf is this?"

Tom responds: "Oh, this is normal for the final round in Golf 2. When two teams remain, they must fight each other in combat.

Karl Marx starts running to where Jordan and C-Day are, but suddenly, the ground explodes, and he falls down, unconscious.

Jordan speaks: "You should have watched for the land mines I planted."

"Karl Marx has been eliminated by Jordan Baker!"

Jordan and C-Day continue their battle. C-Day swings a club towards Jordan, but she reaches into her pocket. Jordan puls out an F-84 Thunderjet, and she gets into it. She flies it into the sky, and starts dropping hundreds of bombs on the arena. There are several explosions, and there is a lot of debris everywhere, so I can't see what's going on.

The debris clears, and I try to look for C-Day, but I don't see her anywhere. I look back up at Jordan's F-84 Thunderjet, and I notice that C-Day is standing on top of its left wing. C-Day strikes her Driver straight into the plane's wing, knocking it off. The plane goes out of control, and it crashes into the ground, and it explodes.

The announcer speaks: "Jordan Baker has been eliminated by C-Day! Team 3 wins!"

Everyone starts clapping. I speak to Tom: "Dammit, Jordan lost."

C-Day walks towards the announcer, and he hands her the trophy, which is a magic genie lamp. The announcer speaks: "Would you like to say anything to the audience?" The announcer then hands C-Day the microphone.

C-Day holds it, and she doesn't say anything. She then gives the microphone back to the announcer.

I notice Jordan, Roosevelt, and Marx all get up; they are now awake. Tom and I walk towards the area where Jordan and Roosevelt are standing.

President Roosevelt speaks: "We may have lost, but our purpose wasn't to win. We succeeded in bringing the nations of the world closer to peace. Well, I'm going back to the White House now. Bye." Roosevelt then leaves.

I start crying. "Dammit, how am I supposed to bring Gatsby back without that magic genie lamp now?"

We all go back to Burger King, and we sit at the table we were at last time. Suddenly, I notice someone walk up to us. I instantly recognize his face; it's Nega-George.

Nega-George speaks: "Long time, no see, Nick Carraway, Tom Buchanan, and… What was your name again?