Darcy continues pointing his gun towards Tom. "If you don't surrender your Magic 8 Ball to me, you will die."

Tom speaks: "How did you know that I have the Magic 8 Ball? I will never surrender it to you! It has been passed down through the Buchanan family for hundreds of years!"

Darcy closes his eyes. He pulls the trigger on the gun, and a bullet is launched straight towards Tom. With blindingly-fast speed, Jordan quickly hits the bullet with one of her golf clubs, knocking it away from Tom.

I run up to Darcy to punch him in the face. Suddenly, one of the cult members jumps in front of my fist, and I hit the cult member in the face. The cult member's face feels like metal, and it hurts my hand. "Shit!" I shout. "That hurts! Why the hell are you made of metal?"

Darcy starts laughing. "I see, you have finally noticed. I have been working on a way to reach immortality. I've been using some of these cult members as test subjects to transform them into robots."

I shout: "How many of these people have you transformed into robots?! I'll kill you, asshole!"

I see one of the cult members start crying. "What? Darcy… I believed in you. How could you do this to us?!"

Darcy then lifts a panel on the statue, revealing a button. He pushes it. Suddenly, most of the cultists in this room fall to the ground, including the one who was just crying. I hear a few beeping sounds coming from them, and they get back up with glowing red eyes. Wow, that's so cliché for them to have glowing red eyes.

Jordan speaks: "Darcy! What are you doing?! How dare you transform these people into robots for your own personal gain?!"

Tom speaks: "What's going on?"

Darcy starts laughing. "Tom Buchanan, you were very observant. You noticed something strange about the last few items in George's cookbook. Those weren't written by George; they were made by me. They aren't even food items; they are various recipes I used to transform people into robots. Each person in this room uses a slightly different formula for their roboticization. I shall use this information to determine the most optimal way to transform myself into a robot so I can obtain immortality! Robots! Attack these three!"

The cultist robots in the room start approaching me. Suddenly, about eight of them spontaneously explode, and they die.

Darcy speaks: "Well, I guess I should avoid using the 'Ninja Compass Soup' recipe."

I draw a card from Fifty-two Pickup, and I get the seven of clubs, which lets me shoot icicles. I fire some icicles towards Darcy, and I see one pierce his shoulder. He quickly retreats into the room under the statue, and the statue moves back into place, blocking the stairs.

I speak: "Tom, Jordan; let's kill these robots quickly. They won't let us proceed as long as they're around."

Tom responds: "Nick, they're just innocent people under the control of Darcy. We can't hurt them."

I respond: "Shut up with your bullshit hero-syndrome. There's nothing we can do to save them."

Jordan draws her Driver club, and she rushes up to a group of the robots, and she smashes all of their heads, one at a time. The robots then explode.

I draw a card, and I get the 2 of spades. This card grants me the ability to use telekinesis. I use my mind to lift up some mechanical parts from the robots that Jordan killed, and I launch them straight into some of the other robots, blowing them up.

There are only three robots left alive. This should be easy. Jordan drops a few golf balls on the floor in front of her, and she strikes them all with her golf club. The golf balls move with extreme speed; my eyes can barely keep up with their motions. Just as the balls are about to hit the robots, they catch the balls with their robotic arms.

One of the robots speaks: "We are the robots who consumed the 'Onion and Sour Cream Chips' recipe. It is clear that we are superior to those other chunks of scrap metal."

A robot quickly rushes up to Jordan, and it punches her in the face with extreme force. She is knocked away, and she collides with the left wall in this church. She falls to the floor, and she appears to be unconscious. The robot's arm turns into a chainsaw, and it moves the chainsaw towards her neck.

"You bastard!" I shout. With my left arm, I open my necromancy book, and I draw a card from Fifty-two Pickup with my right hand. I get the ten of hearts, which provides a large amount of instantaneous healing. I throw the ten of hearts at Jordan, and she wakes up. She quickly pulls out her golf club to block the chainsaw, and she kicks the robot away from her. She then hits the robot with her driver club, knocking it back a few meters.

With my necromancy book, I transform the remains of the dead robots into necromancy materials. I then summon two skeleton archers, and a skeleton knight. I command the knight to rush towards one of the robots, while the archers shoot arrows towards it. The skeleton knight swings its bone-sword at the robot, but the sword breaks in half. The robot punches the knight, and it breaks into several broken bones, which return into my necromancy book. Another one of the robots fires a laser into the skeleton archers, destroying them as well.

Jordan speaks: "These guys seem to be invincible! Our attacks aren't doing any damage to them!"

I respond: "I have a card here that should be able to destroy these robots. Jordan, buy me some time!"

I draw a card. Dammit, it's not the one I'm looking for. I put it back into the deck, and I continue drawing cards until I either find the one I'm looking for, or a joker.

I see a robot rushing towards me. Suddenly, Jordan runs in front of me, and she swings her golf club towards him. The robot catches her golf club, and he breaks it in half.

"Nick, did you get the card yet?" says Jordan.

As I pull my next card, I see that it's the one I'm looking for: the queen of clubs. This one lets me shoot a beam of plasma out of my hands. "Jordan, get down!" I say. Jordan ducks down, and I can see the robot clearly in front of me. I shoot the plasma beam towards the robot, and it shocks his circuits. The robot falls down, completely deactivated. Two robots remain. The queen of clubs returns to the deck, as I can only shoot one beam each time I draw this card.

Tom speaks: "Nick, these were just innocent people under Darcy's control. Killing them isn't right."

"I don't care," I say.

Jordan speaks: "Alright, how are we going to deal with these other two robots? Why don't you just look at the cards in your deck and select the one you need?"

I respond: "I've tried looking at the cards before. For some reason, they only work if I draw them randomly. It's both the most convenient and inconvenient thing I could ever have. As for how we can deal with these robots… I think I have something that will work."

I open the necromancy book, as I remember seeing something in here that should be useful. In the table of contents, I see a spell called 'Corpse Puppetry.' I turn to the page, and I read the instructions on how to cast it.

The two enemy robots move towards each other, and I see them slightly disassemble each other. They combine their parts with each other to become one super-robot.

I aim my arm at the dead robot on the ground, and I pour some 'necro-mana' into it, as the instructions told me. Suddenly, the dead robot gets up. I try to make it move, but it feels very awkward. The enemy super-robot starts running towards Jordan and me. I move the puppet robot towards the enemy robot, and I make my robot tackle the enemy robot into the wall of the church.

I command my robot to self-destruct. The robot starts beeping, and then it explodes. The wall of the church collapses, and a piece of the ceiling starts coming down. The church's holy symbol of a pizza that was displayed on the roof slams right into the enemy robot"

I speak: "Alright, that took a bit longer than it should've. Let's go kick Darcy's ass now." I move over to the statue in the center of the room, and I start pushing against it. It doesn't budge at all. How the hell did Darcy move this so easily?

Suddenly, I'm hit by a laser, knocking me to the ground. "Dammit, how are these bastards still alive?" I say.

The super-robot climbs out of the debris, lifting up the pizza symbol. The super-robot then throws the pizza symbol towards me. Shit! I won't be able to dodge it! The pizza symbol hits me right in the stomach, and I cough out some blood. The symbol pins me to the ground. It's too heavy! I can't get up!

"Nick!" shouts Jordan. She then runs over to me, and tries to lift the pizza symbol up. Suddenly, the super-robot approaches us, and it kicks Jordan in the side of the head, and she falls down. The super-robot then approaches me, and its arm turns into a chainsaw. I hear the chainsaw revving up, and it approaches my neck slowly. Dammit, why can't I get this pizza off of me?! Shit! I'm going to die here!

I look towards Jordan, and she reaches towards her ears. She takes off her earrings, and places them into her pocket. Suddenly, she starts glowing with insane power. She speaks: "You damn robot! I will destroy you!"

She runs towards me with speed of such a significant magnitude, that it appeared as if she teleported to me. She grabs the pizza symbol, and she lifts it off of me, using only her left arm. She swings the giant symbol straight into the robot, knocking it several meters away. Jordan throws the pizza symbol at the robot with a great amount of force; the pizza symbol breaks into hundreds of pieces.

Jordan then runs up to the robot, and starts punching it with extreme speed. Her fists are so fast, that my eyes can't even keep up with them. She ends with a single powerful kick, and the robot explodes and dies.

I draw for some cards, and I get one that I can use to heal myself. I heal my wounds, and I get up from the ground.

Jordan puts her earrings back onto her ears, and she collapses to the ground. She speaks: "I didn't think I'd ever need to take off my power limiters. I won't be able to move for about an hour. Nick and Tom, go ahead and defeat Darcy. I'll wait here."

"Wait, maybe I can do something," I say. I draw some cards from Fifty-two Pickup, and I get a healing card. I try using it on Jordan, but she doesn't recover. "What the hell? Why can't I heal you?" I say.

Jordan responds: "Your cards seem to heal only physical energy. That burst of power I got came from my soul energy. Don't worry, I'm not going to die. It will just take about an hour for me to recover."

I speak: "Alright, Tom and I will go to Darcy and kick his ass."

I go back to the statue in the middle of the room. Maybe I can move it with a card. I draw a card, and the first one I get is the three of hearts. This one increases my physical power. I start pushing on the statue, and it moves out of the way, revealing the staircase. "Tom, let's go," I say.

Tom and I start walking down the stairs. Suddenly, we reach a locked door with a number pad next to it. I start pushing some buttons on the number pad, and it doesn't open.

Tom speaks: "Nick, you can't just find the password by randomly guessing it. Let me ask my Magic 8 Ball what the password is."

As I continue randomly pushing the buttons, the door suddenly opens. "Oh, what were you just saying? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me successfully opening the door by randomly guessing the password."

We into the room that was locked, and it appears to be a futuristic-looking lab. I look around, and there are several robotic parts and blueprints lying around. Suddenly, a section in the floor opens, and I see a strange machine ascending out of it. The machine opens, and Darcy comes out of it.

Darcy speaks: "You're all too late. I have transformed myself into a robot! I am no longer Fitzwilliam Darcy! You shall now refer to me only as Mecha-Darcy! I am now immortal! I will prove my superiority as a robot by enslaving all of humanity! You two shall be the first to witness my new power!" Darcy reaches back into the machine he came out of, and he pulls out a triangle. Wait, is that a rack for setting up the fifteen balls on a billiards table?

Tom speaks: "What?! Is that the Wizardly Billiard Rack? How did you get that?"

Darcy speaks: "Yes, it's the Wizardly Billiard Rack, one of the legendary artifacts for becoming a god. Sit down, I'm going to monologue for a few paragraphs to force some plot elements into this shitty story."

"Apparently, the Wizardly Billiard Rack was created over two hundred years ago, around the time when the witches were eliminated in Salem. Several years later, a man named Mitch Davis found it buried in his backyard in Massachusetts. Mitch didn't think much of it, and saw it as more of a lucky charm than an item with actual magic properties. Mitch passed it onto his grandson, Isaac Davis, who would go on to fight in the American Revolution. He took the Wizardly Billiard Rack with him to combat, as he believed it would bring luck to his side. However, he was killed by a British soldier, who took the Wizardly Billiard Rack, and sent it back to England. It was given to King George III, where he discovered its mystical properties."

"King George III found out that the Wizardly Billiard Rack can be used to look into people's souls, to uncover their weaknesses and secrets. He even had Thomas Paine study it to uncover its secrets. Paine discovered that the Wizardly Billiard Rack contains a portion of God's powers. He determined that in order to account for the full power of God, there would have to be at least two other artifacts."

"When George III died in 1820, the Wizardly Billiard Rack was passed through the British monarchy. Over the years, its powers were forgotten, and it was just seen as a plain ornament; Paine's theory faded away into obscurity, and it was thought to have been lost."

"My father would always tell me stories about the Wizardly Billiard Rack. A few years ago, I broke into Windsor Castle to search for it to see if the stories were true. I found it in a box under George V's bed. I stole it, and I quickly fled Britain, and hid here in this church. Along with the Wizardly Billiard Rack, I also found Thomas Paine's notes about what this thing is."

"I read Paine's notes to get a better understanding on the Wizardly Billiard Rack. It can read people's souls. This can be used in a variety of different ways. One: I can see the mind and essence of other people so I can exploit them. Two: It can be used to read a general future path that someone is going to take. I used it on myself, which is how I discovered how I can become a robot to achieve immortality. Three: It can also trace the past and family legacy of someone. Another thing Paine's notes stated was the existence of some other artifacts that could contain similar powers."

"I used the Wizardly Billiard Rack creatively to search for the other artifacts. I used its first power to find some common interests in a bunch of people, and I found out that a large amount of people were fans of George Wilson's cooking. I then formed this cult, gathering several thousand people. With the Wizardly Billiard Rack's third power, I searched the history of several people, and I observed the past. Nearly all of the pasts I searched were useless. I experimented on the useless people, and turned them into robots so I can perfect the formula for immortality."

"However, there was one particular person who I found that had family ties with the bearer of one of the artifacts; a distant relative of President James Buchanan. I was able to observe the history of the Buchanan bloodline, and I found it… The Magic 8 Ball. Conveniently, Tom Buchanan, you were in the same general location as me. All I needed to do was to lure you in. Another convenient coincidence was your connection to Nega-George. With the Wizardly Billiard Rack, I summoned Nega-George back into this world, and instructed him to attack you. Everything went according to my plans. Nega-George attacked you, and you found my location. Now, all I need to do is take your Magic 8 Ball, and use it to find the other artifacts so I can become God!"

As I'm about to fall asleep from Darcy's boring monologue, I realize that he stopped talking. "Oh, are you done already? That was almost as bad as Tom's shitty monologue from the last chapter."

"Yes, my boring monologue is over," he says. "We can fight now. I'll start by taking you down first, Nick, so Tom can see my power!"

Darcy aims the Wizardly Billiard Rack at me, and a light comes out of it. The light touches me, and I feel my soul becoming slightly heavier. The light stops, and Darcy looks into the Wizardly Billiard Rack. "Yes… Nick Carraway. I know your weaknesses. Wait… What's this?!" There's a surprised look on Darcy's face. "It's the third artifact! The Enchanted Cue Stick! I found its location!"

Tom looks shocked: "What?! The legends have said that the Enchanted Cue Stick was destroyed! That's impossible!"

Darcy moves over to a control panel in the room, and he pushes a few buttons on it, and a tray opens. He inserts the Wizardly Billiard Rack into it, and it makes a few beeping sounds, and he takes the Wizardly Billiard Rack back out.

I hear loud beeping sounds coming from a nearby room. A few seconds later, the door to the room opens, and there's a machine similar to the one that Darcy came out of earlier. The machine opens, and a robot comes out. I recognize his face. "Gatsby!" I shout.

Darcy speaks: "No… He's Mecha-Gatsby. Nick, prepare to be destroyed by your boyfriend!"