SHEILA

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I watched helplessly as my friends got carried off into the darkness. Uni wailed.

"What do we do now?" my brother whispered.

"I don't know, Bobby. I can't see anything. I don't even know who to ask for help."

"What about Dungeon Master?"

I sighed. "When's the last time you looked for him and actually found him? Granted, sometimes he shows up whenever you say his name, but not always. We'd have better luck just trying to find Hank on our own." I thought about mentioning how finding Hank would be probable as us winning the lottery, but decided against it. Sometimes Bobby's optimism was the only thing holding me together.

"Okay, what about this Aslan, then? Surely he can do something, right?"

I smirked. There was that optimism again.

I glanced back at the trail. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try."

"Waaah," said Uni.

We retraced our steps the best we could, bearing toward the knotted mass of plant life that we presumed to exist beside Aslan's garden. The overgrowth concealed the moon and stars, making finding our way a challenge.

Bobby made his war club glow. It kind of helped us to see, but not a very good range, like a flashlight with old batteries. You could tell exactly where the club was, but that's about it. "We going the right way, Uni?"

The unicorn bleated.

I frowned. "That means `I don't know,' doesn't it?"

"More like she thinks she knows, but isn't a hundred percent certain. There's a little whiffling sound..."

I removed his helmet and mussed his hair. "You're spending way too much time with that unicorn."

"Mwaa?" Uni asked.

"What do you want? Not everyone can be like you and Hank!"

I hoped Bobby couldn't see me blushing. "Bobby, I'm not saying anything—"

"It's not exactly easy to find a girlfriend in this place! Last time I had one, she went home to earth and I never saw her again!"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh...kay. I'm sorry. I was only teasing." I put his helmet back on his head. "I'm sure there's a girl out there just for you, you just haven't found her yet."

"Yeah..." he didn't sound so sure.

Eventually we did make it back to the road, the moonlight at last giving us a clear view. Unfortunately, we only took the road a few yards before passing through a darkened copse of trees where we couldn't see anything.

We got turned around somehow, losing the path.

After stumbling blindly in the shadows for a few moments, I halted, tugging Bobby back. "Wait. I don't know where we're going."

Uni bleated.

"Want to camp out here? At summer camp one time, I met this autistic kid who got lost on the trails at night. He just slept on the rocks until dawn. Made it easier to find his way back..."

"Bobby, we're not going to sleep on a bunch of rocks!"

"Hey look! A light!"

An orange glow appeared amidst the trees and shady foliage. We followed it like mindless moths, stumbling over rocks and roots in a desperate quest for illumination. Animals retreated at our clumsy shuffling, bunnies and snakes, perhaps.

We stumbled further, into another clearing.

More giant huts covered in fruits and vegetables.

Not the same place. The buildings didn't have the same construction style. Bright paper lanterns hung from the roofs, torches stood on poles like a backyard party.

An immense shape emerged from the doorway of a nearby hut. I threw my cloak over myself, but Bobby jumped out and waved. It did happen to be a rat bear.

"Hey! Do you speak English? We need to talk to Aslan!"

The creature, with the two-tone fur color of a guinea pig, started at the name, but he didn't communicate in words. It mostly sounded like a bunch of deep growling squeaks.

"What?"

Uni bleated, which the rat-bear seemed to understand, replying with a growl.

The albino rat-bear clomped out, growling to the other one as it pointed to Bobby.

"Look, I'm sorry we stole your fruit earlier. We were thirsty."

Uni mewled.

The towering giant growled, crossing its arms. It didn't seem to be an angry growl.

I took off my cloak, approaching the creature with a nervous wave. This startled Two-Tone, but Uni bleated something to it, and it clapped its paws like it had just seen Houdini perform.

"What did it tell you?" I asked Bobby. "Did you understand anything?"

He shrugged. "I think I'm starting to figure it out. It said it's okay, it's festival time, we can take as much food as we need."

I yanked a plum off the rat-bear's house. "Okay, more importantly, where's Aslan?"

Uni bleated to the rat-bear. It growled to the albino, but they both only shrugged and gazed into the sky, like the giant lion had gone up there somehow.

The albino made a welcoming gesture toward the hut, growling something else.

Bobby grinned. "Thank you."

"What did they say?"

"They want us to have dinner and stay the night."

I cringed. I didn't relish the idea of sleeping in a hut with a giant monster that could potentually roll over and crush me during the night. But how do you say no to a big hairy thng that looks strong enough to snap your neck like a toothpick? "Did they say we have to?"

"No. They were very nice about it."

"Tell them thank you, but we're trying to find our friends."

The albino gestured more strongly to the hut. Growl, growl, growl. Its python-like tail thumped the ground.

"She thinks she can help, and you should stay just a little while so she can figure out how to help us."

I sighed in resignation. "Fine. Maybe someone will be able to give us a hint about how to find Aslan, or Hank."

Pretty simple furnishings inside. A table with four chairs, four rough beds, like oversized sleeping bags made from a tapestry, a chest brimming with food. Oh, and all that produce hanging from the walls and ceiling. They had a cooking fire in the back.

Obviously no human sized furniture. They set out a couple crates for us to sit on.

The albino handed me a metal `dessert plate' big enough to hold a party pizza (at least 24 inches). Upon this she heaped blocks of cheese, bread and dumplings made of beans and vegetables.

I didn't realize how hungry we'd become until I scarfed down half the plate, and Bobby finished it off.

As we ate, the albino's family showed up. In addition to Two-Tone (the husband, I presumed), I got introduced to a smaller female albino that kinda looked like the male, and an even smaller one that resembled the male even more, and kinda looked like the female.

We couldn't figure out how to say the albino's name. We just ended up calling her Mrs. Growl.

"You said this is festival time?" Bobby asked. "Do you live somewhere else?"

Mrs. Growl nodded, launching into a long growling speech, something about a harvest and Aslan and being liberated from the slave pits of Jemekk. Bobby, who had picked up the language better than me, seemed fascinated, but I only caught the gist from him or Uni's bleating (Funny how I suddenly got her, now that we were alone).

We'd seen the mother earlier because she had been visiting with her cousin. "Now we're getting somewhere!" I cried. "Show us to your cousin's house!"

The albino looked a little disappointed, but picked up a lantern and led us to the now-familiar huts we'd passed earlier.

"Thank you, Mrs. Growl." I pointed to the lantern. "Can we borrow this?"

She shook her head, growling something.

"Mrs. Growl wants to help us," Bobby translated. "She says you shouldn't be wandering around a place you don't know in the dark."

"Okay, thank you."

After some hiking, we reached Aslan's garden, but we saw no sign that he'd ever been there. Overgrown with weeds, the fountain crumbling and dried out, it scarcely resembled the same place.

Exhausted. Losing hope. I wiped tears out of my eyes, glumly staring into the ruin. "We're not going to find them again, are we Bobby?"

My brother frowned. "I...don't know. We've gotten separated before, and we've always found a way back to each other..."

Mrs. Growl growled, put her paws on her hip areas. I got a sense that she wanted to go back to her hut.

"She brought us here earlier today. Ask her what happened."

The rat-bear only shrugged and growled.

"She'd seen a garden here when she came last time, but when she returned from her hut, it was gone. But she did find something interesting around the fountain. She's got it back at the hut."

"Sounds like a crummy scheme to get us to stay the night."

Bobby stretched. "Actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. We'll be able to see better when the sun's up, maybe find some clues. And if they do have something for us, maybe it'll help us find Hank and the others!"

I reluctantly followed Mrs. Growl back to her hut. Yeah, they were nice...creatures, but something about them just turned my stomach. At first, I didn't know why.

In our absence, Mr. Growl had dug out a stringed instrument, like a double bass combined with a lute. Handy for a giant like him, too weighty and bulky for a human to handle. He played fairly well, his children saying to the music and singing something growly.

My stomach turned more as I watched them.

The song ended, and Mrs. Growl had a long conversation with her family. Perhaps something akin to "how was your day." The small female growled excitedly about something, and the small make added a few growls of his own in agreement.

Sick. I felt sick. So much caring, and none of it for me. I didn't get a family. Not like I wanted one here, but still...

Mrs. Growl asked the female something. The two got into an argument, Mrs. Growl putting her paws on her hips and snapping her tail.

Just like me and mom. I kept making mental comparisons, Mrs. Growl as mom, me and Bobby as the small ones. I swallowed a lump in my throat.

The small female grudgingly brought out a little box, handed her mother a necklace.

Mrs. Growl brought it to me, making friendly growls about it.

I fought back tears as I took it, cast the daughter a jealous sideward glance. Look at you, you have a mother, and I'll never see mine again.

The female just looked jealous about the necklace.

Not wanting to look rude, I turned my attention to Mrs. Growl. "Thank you."

Happiness is just for them, I thought. It's not something I can ever have.

I turned the trinket over in my hands. A golden lion's head with emerald jeweled eyes that glinted in the firelight. I hung it around my neck.

As far as I could tell, it served no purpose except looking pretty. Bobby couldn't figure it out either. Disappointed, I gazed sadly through the doorway, at a loss for how to help my friends.

"Growl growl growl."

Mrs. Growl spread out a couple piles of carpeting and fabric for us to sleep on. Bobby set his helmet and club aside, closing his eyes as he curled up on the bedding.

I stretched out on the bedding, watching Mrs. Growl with her family. The more I watched, the more it reminded me of my family, and how I'd likely never see them again.

Jealous, honestly. Jealous of what they had, jealous of their normal rat-bear family living a normal rat-bear life that looked so much like the one I couldn't have.

I didn't hate them, I hated life. Hated how I somehow didn't deserve happiness, despite being a hero and going through so much.

Normal people are happy, I thought. They don't have these problems. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I stifled a sob. What's wrong with me?

I don't know, maybe I didn't want to ruin a nice family moment. Maybe I was sick of how they had their little family group and I was just the outsider, but I wanted to collect my thoughts, and, to be truthful, to sulk and cry alone.

I'm not normal.

I donned my cloak of invisibility, slipping outside. I wept behind the hut.

I'm destined to be alone forever, I thought. Trapped on this world with nobody.

"Why so sad?"

A horned figure emerged from the dark.

Curly haired, ruddy complexion, hairy goat legs ending in cloven hooves.

A faun.

Get this: He wore a Hawaiian shirt.

I wiped my eyes, smirked a little. "Nice outfit."

The faun crept closer. "You were crying. What is the matter?"

"It's nothing." I tried to keep my composure, but the rest came out in sobs. I told him about the crazy roller coaster that sent us here, and how we could never get home. "...Now I'm with this family of nice rat-bear things, and it just, I'm just so sad about how they can just live their normal lives, no, it's not just them, people in general on earth. Just having normal lives and I'm stuck here, and I'm going to be like this forever. When can I get a family again?" I wiped my eyes. "I suppose Dungeon Master is partly at fault, the roller coaster was probably his idea, but I...there's times where, if I had just done something different, better, I wouldn't still be here...How did you get that shirt?"

"I found it."

"It looks cute."

"Thank you. My name is Tumnus. Tumnus the Fifth." He dug a plastic Gizmo doll (from the Gremlins movie) out of his pocket, offering it to me.

My mouth hung open in amazement. "Oh my God! Where did you get that?"

Tumnus smiled. "I am a collector. You may have that. I still possess a green one, and a special telescope that allows you to see three dimensional images of the monsters from a paper circle."

"What, like a Viewmaster? Wow! I've been here so long I forgot what those even look like!"

"I have found many such articles throughout my journeys abroad."

"You have to show me!"

"Gladly." He gestured to a hill sloping into the shadows.

The ruby jewels on my pendant suddenly flared like tiny light bulbs.

"What's that you have there?" Tumnus asked.

I shrugged. "Just a necklace. I..."

By then, Bobby had noticed my absence and come to look for me. Uni, trailing behind him, indignantly mewled. "Sheila! What are you doing out here?"

I showed him Gizmo.

"What! No way!" Bobby snatched up the toy, turning the big eared head, posing the fat little arms.

"He's got more stuff at his place. He's going to show me."

My brother kept staring at the doll. "If he's got stuff like this, he has to know how to get us home!"

His eyes went to my pendant. "Why's that thing glowing?"

"I...don't know."

"Maybe it tells you when you're close to home," Tumnus suggested.

"Makes sense..." Bobby glanced back at the hut. "Should we tell them we're leaving?"

Uni repeated the question. "Mwaa?"

I frowned. Going back to Mrs. Growl would just depress me again. "We'll probably have to come back this way anyway, to look for Hank."

"I guess you're right." Still, he went back to get his club and helmet, because he felt naked without the items. "I told her we just met a friend." He tucked the Gizmo doll into his leather vest for safekeeping.

Uni bleated. The pendant glowed.

We followed Tumnus down a hill to a smaller hut, this one decorated with produce, or as well illuminated, but of a fair size for an adult sized human to live in.

"Oh my God," I cried as I stepped inside.

Posters for Goonies, E.T. and Indiana Jones adorned the walls. Although the furniture looked rough hewn and not modern or earthly at all, bookshelves held Nancy Drew novels, V.C. Andrews, Judy Bloom, Sweet Pickles, and that's just the kind of stuff that I personally appreciated. Bobby found comic books, Green Lantern, X-Men, some of those Choose Your Own Adventure paperbacks...

Bobby pointed at a gray box in the back corner, practically screaming, "He has a TV?"

"Can't seem to make it work without electricity, I'm afraid."

I stared wide eyed at the faun. "I still don't understand. Where did you find all this stuff?"

Tumnus opened a cabinet, setting a package of Oreos on a table, then a bag of taco flavored Dorito's, M&M's, Whoppers and a two liter bottle of Coca Cola Classic (as opposed to New Coke). A tray of something greatly resembling pizza rolls he brought out from a potbelly stove.

The faun offered us chairs. "Please. Take a seat and enjoy yourselves. I'll explain everything."

Me and Bobby took our places at the table.

Bobby pointed to the pendant. "It's been glowing solid green since we got here. We must be on the right track!"

The faun poured us soda. Shockingly, it bubbled and fizzed. I could not mistake the scent and tingle it gave to my nose.

I didn't think, I just tore open the M&M's and bit down, reveling in the experience of cracking the shells with my teeth and peeling the chocolate casing off the peanuts with my tongue. It had been so long since I'd had those, that I'd forgotten what absolute crap they were, but I enjoyed every bite.

Uni gave a nervous bleat, retreating toward the door.

Tumnus set out a tray of water and some sort of lemon grass looking stuff for her, but the unicorn turned her nose up at it. "Nuh-uh!"

Bobby frowned. "Uni! What's wrong?"

Uni bleated a response, but Tumnus answered, "Unicorns and fauns do not always get along with each other. Old prejudices sometimes die hard."

My brother rubbed his chin thoughtfully, gave the faun a nod. "I'm not surprised. She doesn't trust a lot of people."

"Myaaa?"

I chomped more M&M's. "These peanuts taste fresh! It's like they're not a day past their expiration date! You gonna tell us how you found this stuff or not?"

"Why certainly. But first, I thought you'd appreciate a little music..."

As I drank something that tasted a lot like Coke Classic, and gobbled taco Dorito's and pizza rolls, the faun brought out an acoustic guitar, playing music that sounded a lot like INXS and The Police. It made me so homesick that I cried.

Uni mewled and knocked Bobby's cup out of his hand before he could drink anything. Soda spilled all over the floor. "Uni! What are you doing? This guy is nice! He knows about our homeworld! He could show us the way home!"

"Nuh-uh," said the unicorn.

"She's just selfish and doesn't want us to go home," I muttered.

Uni growled and bared her little horse teeth at me, as if I had struck a nerve.

Bobby popped pizza rolls into his mouth. Uni bleated and rammed his chair until he fell over. "Uni! Stop!"

Tumnus stopped playing. "Is there a problem?"

"No." I rubbed my face in frustration. "Nothing new. We can't take her to earth with us. She knows this. I think she's been sabotaging us all along."

Uni growled and did that ground scratching thing a bull does when it's about to charge. Her horn threateningly lowered in my direction.

The faun tiptoed around her. "Would you like me take her outside for awhile?"

I opened my mouth to say yes.

Bobby scowled at the unicorn, as if considering it for a moment. "N-no. That's all right."

"I'll pour you another glass."

"Thank you."

Uni blew a raspberry. "Hmph!"

Tumnus leaned close to her, sniffed and sneezed. "Excuse me."

For a split second, I could have sworn I saw green powder flying out. The unicorn seemed to lose some of her fight afterwards.

I drank more soda, and he masterfully imitated Elton John and the Culture Club.

My limbs became heavy. Although my eyes remained open, I had to fight to keep them that way.

Bobby, who had been drinking soda as well, slumped facedown on the table. Uni snored at his feet.

Drugged. Felt like popping one of those pink allergy pills. Couldn't keep my eyes open.

Through blurry eyes, the hut seemed...wrong.

Instead of movie posters, plain paper screens hung from the walls, painted with occult symbols. He had books, but the dust jackets were just blank vellum.

On the table, where our tasty food should have been...piles of dead beetles (the peanut M&M's?), a bag of dried, blighted oak leaves (the Dorito's), a jug of water...my stomach lurched when I imagined what the faun had baked into those pizza rolls.

I dully registered the sound of ringing bells. Like...the kind they used on a sleigh, if someone had dented them with a hammer and blunted the sound. An unpleasant popping clang. The tempo itself made me think of Santa driving his reindeer all night long without rest and flogging the half dead animals to keep them moving.

Through the open doorway, I glimpsed a golden sled. On wheels, of course, since we had no snow. In the dark I couldn't make out what pulled it. Something...shadowy...with glowing red eyes. They didn't look a thing like reindeer.

A bearded little man in armor waddled into the hut. A dwarf, but with a sickly gray pallor, parts of his face and body rotting away.

Surprisingly strong. The zombie-like dwarf tossed Bobby over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, carrying him out the door.

I moaned, tried to get up to stop him, but I couldn't move my muscles.

I slipped out of my chair, collapsing on the damp floor.

As the dwarf came back for Bobby's things, I fought against the grogginess, attempted to force myself into a standing position, but only slumped wearily back down a second later.

He came for me. I raised my hands to swat him away, but my fingers caught in his long matted beard. He laughed and carried me out to the sled.

A tall skeleton sat in the high seat in the middle of the sled, clad in white fur and a small crown. Something like blue coals glowed from its eye sockets. Bobby's club lay across its lap. One bony fist clutched a wand.

I got thrown in the back with Bobby, behind the skeleton. The dwarf tied the unicorn up with rope, tossed her in with us.

My cloak got snatched off my shoulders, a fat rotting hand passing it to the skeleton. "Your highness, Vengir spoke truthfully. Two children of Adam the Dirt Man. A magical war club and a cape of invisibility."

The skeleton turned its crowned head, speaking in a woman's voice. "Once I drain these and the others of their life, I shall have flesh again, and no one will stop me, not even that detestible lion." It gestured to the driver's seat. "Ginarrbrik, take me to my castle."

"Yes, your highness." The zombie dwarf climbed in, grabbing the reins.

"After you have them chained up in the dungeon, tend to the sledge beasts. Give them about thirty percent meat, use up the dead villagers we got in stock, but not too much, we want them to be hungry enough to clear a path for us when we're in battle. Barley, ash and grease is to be used for the majority of the feed. The Narnian animals are only to be used as a special treat for good behavior."

The dwarf's tone reflected weary annoyance. "Yes, your highness."

"Also, make sure the portcullis chains are well oiled, the drawbridge gears are in working order, the deadly springloaded traps and bolt guns are still functional, the moat dragon is fed, and I still have liquid flowing through the magical blood fountains."

Ginarrbrik rolled his jaundiced eyes. "Your highness."

"Oh, and I need to have more of those poisonous rose plants you found, because I like to have a strong perimeter around the outside. You know how I don't like ugly little animals and filthy children sneaking through the gaps in my walls."

"Yes, majesty."

The faun emerged from his hut. "Your highness..."

The skeleton picked up a small bag, tossing it on the ground at his cloven feet. The tell-tale clank of gold coins.

Tumnus drew out a coin, tested it with his teeth.

"You think Jadis, Ruler of all Narnia would give illusionary coins? You should know me better than that!"

"Apologies, your highness." he did not sound sincere. "My stock and trade is illusion!"

"Queen Jadis does not deceive her subjects! Ever!"

"No, of course not! It was...force of habit, that's all, your highness."

"Good. There will be more for you when you retrieve the others."

"Your highness!" The faun saluted.

I lost awareness of my surroundings after that.