The cold breeze blows past my face as I force myself to continue running against the pained screams of my joints. The path seems to have no end to it, coupled with the trees providing ample shade from the moonlight shrouding everything in a blanket of darkness. It felt as if I was trapped in some form of limbo. My lungs are dried up from the frigid air and I go into coughing fits in between pained breaths. I can't stop here, I'll die otherwise.

Something whizzes past me and I fall forwards onto the snow, the sensation in my left leg having left me. I struggle to get up and realize I can't stand, I crane my head over to look at the rest of my body and-

It's gone.

My leg's lower half is missing.

The pain begins to register as I let out a cry of despair into the night. In desperation I continue to drag myself forwards across the numbing ground. I look forward and spot a dark figure moving towards me, as they come closer it becomes painfully clear who it was. Her jade long nails dripped with blood, and splotches of crimson were all over her dress. I find myself unable to scream in terror and freeze up completely, helplessly staring up at the predator hunting me. She kneels down and grabs a tuft of my hair and yanks my head upwards, then swipes at my throat with her other hand and slices it open.

My lifeless body soon slumps back onto the snow, painting it a grisly shade of red.

I unleash a guttural shriek and reach for my neck with sweaty hands while gasping for air. I quickly sit up and hold a hand to my chest as I try to calm myself down. I feel something warm clasp my free hand and my breathing begins to stabilize.

"Yasushi?" a tender voice comes from my left and I turn to face its owner.

"Atsu-" I stop and correct myself "Suzume." She slightly grimaces at my accidental use of her last name but quickly changes to a worried expression.

"Another nightmare?"

"Something like that" I lowered my gaze from her in shame, knowing very well the cause of these sleep disruptions.

The advent of that day was approaching, cruelly existing near what is supposed to be a happy memory.

"Sorry to be so…gloomy, when a special day for both of us is around the corner" I grumbled. Suzume pulled me into an embrace to comfort me.

"It's alright" she replies, running a hand through my hair. "Will you be fine at your shift today?"

"I should be the one asking you that."

"It's not like I'd let some lousy youkai do me in while on duty."

"If you say so."

We bask in each other's warmth for a few more moments, then Suzume takes her arms off me and stands up.

"The other exterminators are probably expecting me about now, I should get going now." She leans over to give me a kiss on the cheek "take care, love you." Suzume exits the room and I'm left alone with my thoughts.

I stood up and walked over to the mirror placed atop a dresser nearby and took a glance at my own reflection, a pale face with darkened circles under their eyes stared back at me. I pulled down the top of my sleep wear to uncover my left shoulder, exposing the marred pinkish flesh hidden underneath. The scarred skin was sensitive and sent a shiver down my spine as I ran my fingers over it. A memory of that day flashed in my mind and I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, my reflection grimacing in response.

Brushing aside painful thoughts, I got myself dressed and left my house for my shift today. I winced at the cold breeze that greeted me when I stepped outside, my gaze shifting towards the ground in front of me, and began to walk to my workplace. I approach an intersection and intend to make a turn when I hear a familiar voice coming from the right, I stop myself and hide upon recognizing who its owner was. My pulse quickens the closer I hear them and my body trembles slightly, I hold my breath and freeze in place, hoping they don't notice me as they pass. Two people passed by me and were too preoccupied with chatting with each other to notice me, thank the gods.

I'm sorry, I know you have nothing to do with this but...when I see you I'm reminded of her, Kyouko.

When the two have walked a considerable distance away from me I exhale deeply, earning me strange glances from the few passersby that were around. I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves, and resume my walk.

…

I reached my destination and took a key out of my pocket to unlock the back door, the interior of the store being only slightly warmer than it was outside. I walk into the backroom and take a look at a list describing the current catalog, I see that the stock of textiles has run low. Looks like those earth spiders have really taken a liking to this humble establishment. I write a note to contact my supplier for a restock and exit the backroom to enter the storefront. After making sure all preparations have been set, I unlocked the front door and sat myself behind the front counter, ready for today's shift.

…

It was around afternoon, not many customers had entered the store and only one of them actually bought anything. They were probably all just seeking shelter from the cold, guess today's gonna be a slow one. I hear the front door open and see a woman enter, after taking a good look at her she vaguely resembles someone I think I know, but I can't remember who. Her gaze sweeps all over the room, then locks with mine, a smile creeping onto her face. She walks over to me and I find myself feeling a bit unnerved, my mind is firing off warning signals but I don't know why. She stands in front of the counter and looks at me, as if she was expecting me to say something.

"...Can I help you, miss?" I ask her. The woman's smile fades a little.

"My, here I am taking time to visit an old acquaintance of mine and he goes off forgetting all about me!" She exclaims with a hint of annoyance, her smile never leaving her face. "You'll put the weather outside to shame with how cold you're being."

"Have we met before?"

"Indeed we have, in fact I was your benefactor then, and I still am now."

"I don't follow."

"Oh for the love of-do I really have to spell it out for you?" The woman's smile is replaced with an irritated expression. "Fine then, perhaps this will jog your memory" I tense up in anticipation at what she might do next, then a pair of tanuki ears sprout atop her head. I flinched at the sight, part in fear at a youkai appearing before me, and mostly because of which youkai it was.

"...Why are you here Mamizou?" I grumbled at her, she smirked in response.

"Like I said before, I'm visiting an old acquaintance of mine." Her smirk turns into a frown and she crosses her arms. "You had me quite worried you know? Up and vanishing suddenly back then, I thought some feral snatched you and did you in."

"Well, as you can already tell, I am alive and perfectly fine."

"So it seems."

"Is that all?"

"My, why the rush to get rid of me Okane? I'm hurt, I simply wished to catch up after all this time."

"I'm not in the mood for your antics Mamizou, if you've nothing else to take care of here then please leave."

"Oh fine, but at the very least entertain this one question of mine will you?"

"...Fine."

"Splendid!" She claps both her hands together and smiles, but then quickly crosses her arms again and wears a serious expression. "Why did you leave the trading business?" It felt like her gaze would bore a hole through me, I felt a pit form in my throat as I gathered the words I wanted to say.

"...There were complications."

"Really now? There ought to be more than that."

"Nothing more you need to know."

"You wouldn't be standing here right now if it weren't for me you know?"

"Even so, I still can't tell you."

"Still as stubborn as ever I see. Well alright then, I won't press you any further." She uncrosses her arms and her expression softens again "that will be all from me then, take care Okane." Mamizou waves at me and I watch her exit the store, leaving me alone again with its silence.

…

The sun had begun to set outside and I decided to close the shop up early, if barely anyone came in the day I'd expect none to stop by in the evening. At least, ones I'd be comfortable dealing with. I finish locking up and exit onto the tranquil streets of the village. That conversation with Mamizou replayed in my mind and I decided to take a quick stroll to clear my head.

'Why did you leave the trading business?'

Why, indeed. Even after all this time, the past continues to catch up and torment me.

In the midst of my aimless wandering, I spot someone who'd rarely be found outside at this time of day, one I'd rather not speak with at this moment. Lowering my gaze to the ground, we slowly near and pass by each other, out of the corner of my eye however I catch them taking a glance at me.

"Um..!" They called out to me, I took this as a cue to speed up my pace. "Excuse me, you there!" They called out once more and I stopped dead in my tracks, I suppose conversation was unavoidable now. I turned around and saw a girl with purple hair with a flower worn on the side of her head.

"Miss Akyuu" I spoke first.

"Mister Okane" she replied.

"Rare to see you out and about the streets."

"Well, I just happened to want some fresh air. Being cooped up in the estate for as long as I have would drive anyone mad."

"Right. Did you need anything from me?"

"Well…" Her gaze lowers and she places a hand on her chin in thought, then looks back at me "let's just say you've garnered my curiosity for a long time now."

"How so?"

"Keine talked a bit about you a few times in the past, and I never had the chance to converse at length with a former outsider before."

"So a simple little chat is all you're after?"

"More or less."

"Hm" I take a glance at the setting sun and then look back to her "I suppose I have time."

"Thank you" she smiles "come with me, if you would." She beckons me to follow her and I walk alongside her to the Hieda estate.

…

Akyuu led me into a room and we sat across from each other on the floor around the table, with tea brought to us by one of the servants in the estate. I couldn't help but feel a bit anxious being alone with such an important figure and I fidgeted in place.

"Sorry to drag you in here so suddenly, I never thought I'd be able to make time for this considering how busy I usually am and just jumped at the opportunity." Akyuu smiled apologetically at me which only made me slightly less tense.

"It's fine, please don't think about it too much" I reassured her.

"Alright then. In return, how about you stop being so worried stiff around me? I won't bite" I flinched slightly upon hearing the word 'bite' and grabbed my left shoulder with my right hand. Akyuu notices this and comes to a realization, she raises a hand to cover her mouth and looks at me regretfully. "Sorry, that was insensitive of me considering your…circumstances." I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves and release the grip on my shoulder.

"I know you didn't mean to miss Akyuu, I'll have to get over it eventually…" Silence filled the room and we had averted our gazes. Eventually our eyes met again and I let out a chuckle "looks like we both need to ease up around each other huh?"

"I suppose you're right" a small smile forms on Akyuu's face "in that case, no need to refer to me in such a formal manner, Akyuu is just fine."

"Likewise" I nod my head in affirmation. "Did Keine say anything interesting about me?"

"Hmm, all I can say is that she thinks you to be an upstanding individual."

"Has she now…I don't really feel like I am."

"I think I feel a similar way."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm caught between considering you an utter fool for being strung along by that monk's pipe dreams or a respectable man for how hard you've worked towards them."

"I may be a fool but I wasn't the only one working themselves to the bone you know?"

"That may be true, at least for those that worked closely with you. Have you ever interacted closely with some of the other merchants who worked for Byakuren?"

"I don't see what they have to do with anything here." I crossed my arms and leaned back slightly.

"Unlike you, they were only taking the job because they had no other option to make a living. They all carried themselves with a sense of dread for what their line of work entailed." Akyuu's expression grows stern and her gaze becomes more intense, I could feel myself freeze up as I looked back at her. She leans in towards me "humans fear youkai, I'm sure you're very well aware of that fact, but what you might not know is how important this is to Gensokyo as a whole. I cannot tell you everything, but since Keine trusts you I'll say this much, Gensokyo's delicate balance is dependent on people living in fear of the youkai that lurk this land."

"...Why are you telling me all this?" I ask hesitantly.

"To make sure you understand not to do anything reckless in the future that would disrupt this balance. The efforts of you and Byakuren have made some changes around here, which the Hakurei shrine maiden and I have overlooked in the past. They may be mostly harmless now but it's possible they won't be in the future, and since you were involved before you may receive punishment as well if they do prove to be damaging. Do you understand?"

"Completely."

"Good" Akyuu closes her eyes and heaves a sigh. The room was filled with a tense air which led both of us to sit in silence for what seemed like ages. "I'm sorry, I've been meaning to say all that to you for a while now and it came flowing out of me on its own." I look up to meet Akyuu's gaze and see she has a small smile on her face "and well…I had a similar talk with someone else in the past."

"I see…" I say in a low voice, lost for words.

"All that aside, I really was looking for a chat with you, but if you're not up for it anymore it's okay if you leave-"

"It's fine" I raise my hand and interrupt her, a smile forming on my lips as the heavy mood disappears from the room. "I can still stay and talk."

"Thank you." Akyuu folds her hands on her lap and straightens her back "in that case, would you tell me a bit about your life in the outside world?"

"Sure."

The hours ticked by as another slow work day was coming to close once more. I was seated behind the front counter reading a newspaper thrust upon me by an annoying individual to pass the time. As I had expected from someone like her, most of the articles written here seemed to be far removed from reality with only maybe a tenth of each one containing truthful information. It really makes me ponder how she even continues to make a living off these. I continued to skim through the contents of the paper when something caught my eye. It was an article that described an event that would occur a few days from now.

So those two are gonna be performing in the plaza soon huh…Whatever, it doesn't concern me.

I return to skimming more of the paper when I hear a few knocks at the front door. I look up and set my sights on the door, who would even bother knocking? The sign outside still says 'open' after all. I waited to see what whomever was outside would do next, then a few more raps on the door were heard. I put down the paper on the counter and get up from my seat then head over to the door, as I reach for the handle however I stop myself. I feel beads of sweat form upon my forehead and I retract my hand.

I shouldn't open this door.

Every single fiber of my being is screaming at me to flee, but a morbid curiosity overpowers the urge. My hand raises itself to reach for the door handle and slowly turns it, pulling it open. The door sounded as if it was screeching at me to stop. As the gap in the door widens the chill of winter seeps through, as if nature itself was telling me to cease what I'm doing, but I continue against better judgment.

The door is fully opened, and a remnant from the past reveals itself. I am greeted by shades of brown, white, and purple, ones from my nightmares.

I want to scream, yet my voice does not answer me.

I want to run, yet my legs do not respond to me.

I want to look away, yet my eyes do not obey me.

It smiles at me as if there was nothing wrong "hey…" it says.

"I-I…Why?" I stutter.

"That's well, a bit difficult to explain. May I come in?"

"What?"

"Ugh, a year later and you're still obtuse as always Okane" it-or rather, she- says with irritation and forces her way past me inside, pushing me aside a little. I stand there dumbfounded, holding the door open and I turn my head to look at her sizing up the place, looks like she won't be leaving anytime soon. I closed the door and reached a hand to hold my scar, I could feel it twitch under my grasp as I continued to stare at her. "So this is where you've been holed up huh?" She asks and turns to look at me, I avert my gaze to the floor and my body begins to shake a little.

"Why?"

"Hm?" I raise my head to see her looking at me with a confused expression. "What do you-"

"Mystia."

"Y-Yes?"

"What are you hoping for exactly?"

"Like I said it's-"

"You can't take back what you've done Mystia." The grip on my scar grew stronger.

"I know that! It's just-"

"Then why?"

No response. Then a barely audible voice is heard.

"-lk."

"Excuse me?"

"I just want to talk" our eyes meet once more, I can see the desperate look on her face, the tears that threaten to flow out. I grit my teeth and close my eyes, taking in a few sharp breaths.

I shouldn't.

Turn and walk away.

It's too late for that.

It's too late for that, but…

"...Fine."

"R-Really?"

"Yeah." A smile creeps onto her lips.

"Thank you."

…

We both moved into the backroom of the store and sat ourselves around a small table situated there. Mystia's eyes dart about the room and she fidgets around with her hands on the table, meanwhile I stare at her while crossing my arms.

"Well?" I ask her.

"I um-..." Her voice gets caught in her throat, then she shakes her head and meets my gaze, a resolute demeanor replacing the nervous one from moments ago. "Okane."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"That's…quite overdue now isn't it?"

"If I didn't say it to your face, it'd eat away at me 'til the day the Yama judges me. And, to me it only feels proper."

"Is that so?"

"Very." Her expression becomes somber. "I know we can't just ignore what I did to you, nor can anything I do make up for it." She looks down at her hands "but even so…" her hands clenched into fists "even so!" she stands up suddenly from her chair with a newfound vigor. I freeze up in surprise at her sudden action, reflexively reaching to clutch my scar with a trembling hand. "Even so, I've still missed you all this time! Ever since that day, every second you're not with me, every day I wake up, and you're not there…I can't bear it anymore."

"Mystia?"

"You're not there, and it hurts." She falls back down onto her chair, a torrent of tears falling out of her eyes, the sounds of her sorrow filling the room. The sight made my heart wrench, my anxiety being replaced with sympathy for the night sparrow that stood before me. Such a moving display would bring most people to tears themselves.

I want to forgive her, to tell her that it's okay, but that would be dishonest.

"Okane I…" Her voice trails off and I watch her as she tries in vain to wipe the endless currents of tears from her face. She eventually stops and looks at me with puffy eyes, and a smile returns. "I love you, Okane."

"Y-You-" I stammered and was at a loss for words, my eyes widened in shock at her declaration.

"I love you, so much" her cheeks became flushed and her expression a pained smile "so much that it's tearing me inside. So much that I can't forgive myself for hurting you."

"This is…A lot to take in."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. In fact I'm sorry as well."

"You are? But I-" I raise my right hand to stop her.

"I yearn for those days as well. Our shifts at your food stall, the long talks we shared into the night" my expression softens "seeing your smiling face every morning. How I wish to return to such days." I reminisce on the times I shared with her, a smile beginning to form on my lips.

"Then-!"

"However" I interrupt her and my smile quickly fades into a frown. "Not everything is so simple."

"I-" she stands back up and places a hand on her chest "I swear to you!" she boomed "I swear to never prey on humans again, so please…! Please, let's go back to how things were" she pleads. I lower my gaze to the table and cross my arms, the tension in the room suffocating me.

How nice that would be.

But it's no longer possible.

"That…Would be nice but," my expression becomes wistful and I look back up at her "I'm sorry Mystia."

"W-What do you-" I raise my left hand and bring attention to the ring on one of its fingers, causing her to go dead silent.

"I've already moved on."

"I-I see…" she replies in a shaky voice, the flowing tears now returning tenfold as she sits back down "I'm happy for you."

"I'm sorry."

"Please don't be" she tries to wipe away her tears once more "it'll only make it hurt more." Her sobbing returns once more and she buries her face in her hands. Something wells up in my heart, I hesitate for a few moments, then give in to it. I slowly stand up out of my chair and walk around the table to stand by Mystia's side. I reach out with my arms and wrap them around her, I feel her tense up for a second, then she turns to me and returns the embrace as her crying becomes louder.

I'm sorry Mystia, but this is all I can do for you.

…

When Mystia finally calmed down I led her back to the front of the store.

"Mystia" I stop her as she reaches for the doorknob.

"Hm?" she turns her head back at me "what is it?"

"I think…It's best if we don't see each other anymore." She grits her teeth then quickly hides it with a smile.

"You're right" she turns the rest of her body to me "this is a final goodbye."

"Right."

"So, goodbye then Okane. May our paths never cross again."

"Goodbye Mystia, I'm glad I met you."

"So am I" she lets out a giggle then opens the door, sending one more glance my way and waving, then turning her back to me and walking out of the store. Out of my life for good.

I watch her continue to move further and further away from me, the frigid winter air leaking inside and wrapping around me. Once she leaves my sight I close the door and heave out a deep sigh, and I feel my eyes dampen.

Farewell and…

I'm happy to have loved you.