April
a lovely night
…
The month of April breezed by. Brittany and Santana had been so busy that days quickly meshed into weeks until there were only a few days left in the month. Santana had been busting her ass preparing for final exams. Luckily, Cora had backed off and limited her interactions with Santana to an occasional passing eye roll. Brittany and Santana still hadn't returned to where they were before the Cora Incident, so they hadn't been hanging out as much as they had before.
Santana wanted to think that they wouldn't have hung out as much anyway because of their busy schedules. Still, she knew that part of the reason was lingering tension from their argument, even if they had made up. Seeing less of Brittany just prompted her to distract herself with school and extra projects even more. Her letter of acceptance (or rejection) for the internship was due soon, which had her high-strung for most of the month.
Brittany had little time to figure out what to make of the situation with her strict streaming, recording, and editing schedules. She had been thinking about hiring a manager for the overwhelming amount of behind the scenes housekeeping and brand deals she had to maintain. Having a manager wasn't quite in her budget, so for the time being, she'd make do with the resources she had.
Sugar didn't let Brittany forget that she promised to attend the benefit her father was sponsoring, relentlessly reminding her about it all month.
This is how Brittany found herself sitting at Sugar's giant bedroom vanity, poked and prodded with makeup brushes by her sister and best friend. Sugar and Brooklyn assigned themselves to be Brittany's makeup artist for the night. Sugar lent her with a beautiful black evening dress. It turned out that the "little fancy dinner" Sugar's father invited them to was an entire gala. It was more than Brittany had bargained for. Still, she knew it was also an excellent opportunity to make powerful connections.
"Britt, hold still," Brooklyn huffed. "You're gonna make me mess up your eyeshadow!"
Brittany smiled without responding to her comment. She had been so busy that she hadn't seen her sister in a while, and when she offered to have Brooke come and help her get ready, her little sister jumped at the chance.
"And you better not waste my makeup and rub your eyes tonight, Britt. This eyeshadow palette was gifted to me by Adele."
"Yeah, right." Brooklyn rolled her eyes. "But seriously, no touching your face."
"What do you mean 'yeah, right? I can show you the handwritten card that came in the gift bag-"
The loud buzz of Brittany's phone cut Sugar off mid-sentence, and after one quick glance at each other, Brooklyn and Sugar dove for the device simultaneously.
Brittany grabbed her phone before either girl could reach it, trying her hardest not to let her smile show.
"Who was that?" Brooklyn asked Brittany sweetly as if she hadn't just aggressively attacked her phone.
"Nunya," Brittany replied, sliding her phone underneath her on the chair.
"I bet it was Santana." Sugar singsonged.
"Wait a minute. We aren't talking about New Year's Girl, are we?" Brooklyn gasped in delight.
Brittany scrambled to think of anything else to talk about, but her mind was out of ideas for once, and she was left to, regrettably, watch the back and forth of her love life being discussed by her sister and best friend.
"We are," Sugar replied. "But we aren't supposed to be rooting for her anymore. She totally friendzoned Britt."
"Britt." Brooklyn pointed. "She friendzoned you?"
Brittany's patience wore from the single comment. As if she had a say in it? As if she wouldn't cuddle her and sleep in her bed and adopt a cat with her-
"Shut up, she didn't friendzone me! We're just better as friends, Brooke." Brittany huffed, avoiding her sister's eyes.
"Jeez, who are you trying to convince, me or you?"
At her sister's silence, Brooklyn set down her makeup brush and leaned against the vanity. Her dark eyes shifted up to the blonde.
"Tell me what happened, Britt."
With a sigh, Brittany looked up at Brooklyn. "Okay, yeah, she friendzoned me. Being friendzoned was fine until she started being protective, and sometimes she's too sweet, kind, and close for just friends. And maybe I really did like her, and it made me sad that she doesn't want me back, but I'd rather have her as my friend than not have her at all."
Brooklyn's understanding eyes pierced her, prompting her to spill even more of her guts.
"And what makes me sad is that I feel like she really likes me too like we have this connection, but she still doesn't want me." She paused to compose herself, not wanting tears to ruin their hard work on her makeup.
"I just don't know what I did wrong." She croaked.
"Oh, Britt." Sugar Sighed and both girls went in for a group hug. Brittany greedily accepted the comfort they offered. She'd never really sat in her feelings about the situation since she couldn't change it anyway.
Until then, she'd never wanted to admit how big her feelings surrounding Santana had been.
"Britt," Brooklyn mumbled into her shoulder. "You didn't do anything wrong. There's obviously something wrong with her if she can't see how amazing you are."
"That's what I've been saying this whole time!" Sugar shot up from the embrace. "I don't care how well she can pull off a denim bucket hat; nobody messes with Brittany Pierce!"
"This is the fourth time you've brought up the bucket hat, Sugar."
"I know, but it should be illegal to look that good in one of those. Seriously." Sugar mumbled, picking her makeup brush back up.
"Look, you have a whole night lined up. Forget her and go be hot and successful! Now, turn your head over here. I'm adding glitter to your eyeshadow." Brooklyn added.
…
If Brittany had to describe her surroundings, she would use one word: Sophisticated as Hell. Three words. The benefit was even classier than she'd imagined, all high ceilings and expensive suits. She was standing by an ice sculpture of a swan with Sugar, mingling with some of her father's associates. After the initial introductions, she stopped following their drab conversation, which consisted of things Brittany didn't understand. The night was only about half over, and she already felt overwhelmed by everyone.
"I'm gonna go sit down for a bit." She whispered to Sugar.
"Okay, I'm gonna go talk to that server over there, hottie alert!" Sugar whispered back and walked away before Brittany could respond.
Seated at the table, she finally relaxed a bit. She had talked to lots of people that night and even exchanged numbers with a couple brand representatives for future deals. She was proud of herself for taking the opportunity.
Even though it had been a lot, it was genuinely amounting to be a lovely night.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" A voice from behind her uttered. She looked up to see a middle-aged woman in a dazzling gown peering at the large ice sculpture in the center of the room.
"It is. It looks so shiny and glossy. It's like my cat Lord Tubbingtons eyes before he fucks up a can of tuna," Brittany responded. She realized that she probably should not have cussed to this random expensive-looking woman, but it was too late to fix her mistake.
Luckily she only laughed in response.
The sculpture before them depicted two swans embracing at the neck. Brittany had been admiring it all night.
"I hate coming to these things, but the little details like this keep me sane." The woman added.
"It's honestly my first time being somewhere so fancy," Brittany confessed.
She and the woman, who she'd learned was named Francesca, talked for a while. She'd learned that Francesca owned a talent agency and was intrigued by the fact that Brittany was a streamer.
"I've been wanting to crack into social media influencers and such. The internet is getting bigger by the day, and I feel like it's just a realm untouched for me, you know?"
"Well, if you ever need someone to work with, I could use a manager." Brittany half-joked.
Francesca seemed to mull it over, then pulled out her phone.
"I'll take your number then." She smiled.
…
Pins and needles. The feeling flushed Santana's face to the point where her cheeks felt like TV static. She was sitting in her apartment mail room anxiously awaiting her New York Fashion Week internship acceptance letter. A couple of her classmates had heard back from them yesterday, and from what she had seen, nobody from her school had gotten in. Her peers were taking rejection after rejection.
The mail carrier finally entered the room, and the fact that Santana was about to get news that could change the course of her career hit her square in the face. This was it.
After what seemed like an unnecessary amount of time waiting for the mailman to get to her slot, she took a deep breath and decided to call someone so she wouldn't be alone when she opened it. She opened her recent calls and hovered her thumb over the three last callers: Kurt, Brittany, and her mom.
"Hello?"
"Hi Santanita!" Her mother chirped.
"It's here. I'm about to open it." She revealed.
"Hold on! Let me pause my show. House hunters will have to wait!"
Santana opened the envelope slowly, keeping her eyes closed. When the paper rested in her hands, she only dared to open one eye, but when she read the paper, her other eye shot open, and she let out a strangled shriek.
"What what? Was that a happy or disappointed noise?"
She could only utter three words.
"I got in." Santana expressed, her face paling.
She got in. Out of thousands of applicants nationwide, she was one of twenty that stood out enough to be chosen. All of her hard work and late nights had finally amounted to something so tangible.
For a split second, she wondered what her family would think when they found out her work would be on display for the world to see. Would they be proud? Would they even care at all?
She didn't think about that for long, though. The feeling of accomplishment overtook her. The next person she called was Kurt, who told her he knew that she would be the one to get in all along.
Her final call was to Brittany. She figured everyone else could find out the big news from the not-so-humble Instagram post she was planning to post.
"I actually did it, Brittany. I'm in!" She laughed into the phone in lieu of a greeting.
"Santana, congratulations!" Santana could practically hear Brittany's big smile through the phone. It made her chest pang, and she suddenly felt the need to be near the blonde. "You realize like a million billion talented people applied for this, but they chose YOU!"
After a couple more long minutes of Brittany doting over Santana's accomplishment, going into detail on how if anyone deserved it, it was Santana, Brittany gave Santana some news of her own.
"I got a manager! No expenses because the agency's influencer program is still in its experimental stages."
"Oh my God, Britt, congratulations!" Santana smiled. "We have to celebrate. Wanna come spend Lazy Sunday with me? We'll order all the food we want and sit around and get fat because we earned it."
Brittany blushed, luckily unseen over the phone. She hated how Santana always seemed to be on her wavelength. It was like she knew Brittany had been socially drained from the gala and that a day inside sounded heavenly. It was almost as if the darker-haired girl could read her mind. She hated it, and she loved it.
"That sounds amazing. I'll see you in 3 days?"
"See you then." Santana beamed back. "Bye, Britt."
"Santana," Brittany whispered, not letting the other girl go before releasing one more sentiment. "I'm so proud of you."
Santana blinked back, caught off guard by the sincerity in Brittany's voice. She hated how one comment from Brittany could unleash the dam of emotions she usually locks up so well. It scared her more than anything. She hated it, oh she hated it.
"I'm proud of you too, Britt." She returned. She pressed the red end call button and started back up to her apartment.
When she arrived at her apartment, she told Kurt insisted on buying her a celebratory drink at Santana's favorite bar.
…
"God, it feels good."
Santana wasn't sure if she was talking about getting the internship or the warm buzz from the alcohol. They had ended up inviting Quinn to the bar. They celebrated with multiple rounds of shots- excluding Kurt, who was on designated driver duty.
"It better feel good. You deserve this victory, Santana." Quinn said.
"THANK YOU," Santana spoke with a sweeping hand gesture. She had gotten more than a little loose from the tequila. Even though she had the same amount as Quinn, the other girl seemed practically sober. She never had known Quinn to get sloppy; still-
"Do another shot, Quinn."
"You ready for another already?"
"No, not me, you need to catch up to my level right now."
"With the amount you both have drank, I'm sure all it'll take for her to feel it is to stand up out of her seat." Kurt intervened.
"Stand up!" Santana laughed. Quinn shot her a side eye that just made her laugh even harder.
"Come onn, I have to gotta piss anyway". Santana stood up and started yanking at her arm.
With a pointed look, Quinn stood and, sure enough, stumbled over a bit, causing Santana to laugh again. She loved her friends. She loved this feeling.
They headed to the bathroom, and Quinn instantly went to the mirror to reapply lip gloss while Santana entered a stall. After making her toilet paper nest (she'd rather die than sit on the bare seat), she sat on the toilet, pissing for an impossibly long time. She guessed the drinks had caught up. She had lots of time to think sitting there, mostly about how good she felt. She couldn't help but think that the only thing that would improve the night was if Brittany was there.
Brittany. She couldn't wait to see Brittany on Sunday.
Should I text her? No. That would be dumb. Maybe I should just call her. My God, Santana, don't call her that's embarrassing. You're on the toilet!
She left the stall and went to wash her hands. Needing a distraction, she spoke to Quinn.
"So, what's been up with you? Anything new and interesting I need to know about?"
"Nothing that's going anywhere." She responded. She shifted her eyes which led Santana to believe there was something she was withholding. She wasn't surprised, she loved her friendship with Quinn but they didn't ever get too far deep into each others personal lives.
"You?"
"We're in the same boat, Quinny."
They returned to the bar, where Kurt was talking to a dark-haired man. They just finished the conversation as the two girls arrived. The man left when they arrived.
"Who was that?" Quinn questioned.
"I dunno." Kurt chuckled, astonished. "Some random guy called me cute and asked for my number."
"Oh Lord, now we're swiping through grindr in real life?" Santana groaned.
Kurt rolled his eyes. He had been doing much better about hookups since Tindervention, even Santana had to admit it. Still, it didn't stop her from teasing.
"He said he wants to take me to get coffee sometime. We bonded over being the designated driver." Kurt explained. "He also said he was 3 years sober yesterday."
"We'll let's take a shot for him!" Santana exclaimed.
"Pretty on the nose, Santana. Drinking to sobriety." Kurt shook his head.
"Let's do it." Quinn waved her hands to get the bartender's attention.
"Don't you two think you should slow down a bit?"
"Not really." the two girls spoke in unison.
…
Santana finally got to bed with the help of Kurt and was aimlessly scrolling through social media. She knew she'd be better off going to bed to combat her hangover. Still, she wandered into a web of Instagram stories anyway. She came across Brittany's story, which was a post from 5 hours ago alerting fans that she'd be doing an overnight stream. Glancing at the clock and realizing it was already 2:00 in the morning, she clicked on the link to her livestream. Brittany's bright smile greeted her immediately, her face in the corner of the gameplay footage. She seemed to be playing a horror game of some sort.
Santana didn't have a Twitch account, so she couldn't comment, but it didn't matter because she preferred to keep her presence unknown anyway.
"Wait, why am I so nervous to go down this hallway?" Brittany questioned into her microphone. Santana could tell she was mostly messing with her viewers, but something in the look on her face told her she really was a bit frightened.
[raspqueen: omg it's gonna get you
[tippyduck0453: i'm scared too :0
[pie1234568: this game looks so hard
Santana couldn't help but smile at Brittany's fearful expression. Somehow, the gawking look on her face was just so effortlessly adorable. She had 195 current viewers, which Santana didn't think was too bad for it being 2:00 a.m.
"Did y'all hear tha- AHHH?" Santana giggled as a terrifying-looking monster lunged at Brittany's character on the screen. Brittany tried to escape the beast, but as soon as she almost got away, something big and fluffy appeared before her face, blocking her from the camera's view.
"Lord Tubbington! You scared the shit outta me!" Brittany gasped, clutching at her chest dramatically. The large cat stepped on some of the keyboard buttons, causing Brittany to lose the game.
[v678k: the cat set you up
[raylisunset: LMAOO
[fufugawd: that is a big ass cat
Santana was definitely not expecting the stream to be this action-packed. She could easily see why people liked to watch. She continued watching and listening to Brittany's voice until her phone became limp in her hands, and she dozed off to sleep.
…
It was finally here- Sunday morning. Brittany had been looking forward to the day since the phone call that she'd been invited to Santana's Lazy Sunday. She had been craving a relaxing day because her week had been hectic. She had multiple meetings with her new manager, Holly Holiday, who was quite the character. Holly had worked with many big-name celebrities and was now slackening her career as a celebrity agent by joining Francesa's company's social media branch crew.
"It's all a part of my plan to disappear and retire to Madrid," Holly told Brittany.
Brittany was more than grateful for the opportunity, and she already liked her manager. Still, she was becoming socially drained from the week's events.
According to the darker-haired girl, she only had to get in the car and drive to Santana's, and then she'd be in pure relaxation mode.
Dressed in a pastel green sweatshirt and white sweatpants (She had been more conscious of the color schemes she wore since Santana taught her about color theory), Brittany grabbed her bag and headed for the door, shouting a half-hearted "I'll be back tonight" towards Rory's room. She waved to Mr. Clarke next door as she headed for the parking garage and took off for Santana's apartment. She sang along to her favorite playlist as she cruised down the streets of San Francisco. Her phone lit up with a text from Holly asking her to sign some documents, but she was already taking advantage of the most important rule of lazy Sunday: no work whatsoever.
…
Santana groaned as she heard a knock at the front door. She hadn't been sleeping, but she was still at the stage of lazy Sunday that she liked to call "cocoon time," where she stared at the ceiling and thought about absolutely nothing. She sighed because she knew that once you break cocoon time you can't just get back in it, but then she remembered who was at the door and sprang up. Brittany might have been the only person she was willing to break cocoon time for.
She tried to fix the bird nest on her head as she walked to the door.
"Hey, Britt." She smiled as she opened the door to reveal the blonde, in comfy looking sweats, just as Santana instructed.
"Hey!" Brittany beamed back. Her eyes went downward. "Is wearing no pants a requirement for lazy Sunday, too?"
A blush crept up the brunette's face, and she internally scrambled for something clever to quip back.
Unfortunately, she didn't find anything witty in the depths of her mind, only shaking her head no as a response.
The blonde laughed and went to the kitchen to set her bag down while Santana went to her room to find some shorts.
…
"So… what do we do?"
"Well, I usually start with a bowl of cereal and trashy reality TV," Santana explained.
The pair went to the kitchen. Brittany was delighted to find that Santana bought Lucky Charms because she knew they were her favorite. Santana was always so considerate with her, more than anyone else. The sentiment only made things more complicated, given she couldn't thank her with her lips the way she wanted to. She felt like she was getting a preview of what it would be like to date Santana, but never the real thing. She hated it, yet she couldn't deny the way she loved it.
…
After hours of watching Love Island and Bad Girls Club, the pair started to get hungry again. Per Santana's rule, they were not allowed to cook, so they ordered a pizza.
"Hmm, I kinda want spinach and olives," Santana said while they scrolled through the topping options.
"I'm feeling pepperoni."
"Okay, we can get pepperoni." Santana immediately accommodated.
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course, Britt, no problem." Santana continued placing the order.
Brittany paused, debating dropping the topic.
"If it were Kurt or anyone else, you'd tell them to suck it and get spinach and olives anyway," Brittany mumbled with a hint of annoyance. The more Santana treated her differently, better than her other friends, the more she felt she was getting consolation treatment.
"Well, I don't know if you like olives or not." Santana brushed off.
"I don't… but that's not the point. You wouldn't have even asked if it were someone else. But you always ask me." Brittany sat up.
It wasn't fair that she had to push down her feelings while Santana went out of her way to make her feel special. It almost felt like she was teasing her.
"Fine, I'll get olives." Santana grumbled under her breath. Brittany was right. She shouldn't have even asked.
Brittany settled back into the couch and dropped it, chalking the tension up to them both being hangry.
…
By the time the food arrived, any tension had been dispersed, and they were back to watching TV. Somehow, they'd started watching Wife Swap and were making bets at the beginning of each episode to see which family would turn on the new wife first.
The hours went on, most of them spent on the couch napping, watching movies, and just talking about everything and nothing.
"How is the sun setting already? Seems like we just poured our lucky charms." Brittany questioned from an upside down position on the couch.
"Damn already? That's our cue to pour a lazy Sunday traditional glass of wine." She got up and retrieved a bottle of Moscato and two wine glasses. She poured them each a glass and raised her glass to toast.
"To my internship and your new manager."
"To us. We deserve it!" Brittany chimed in.
They toasted their glasses together, and Santana couldn't help but linger with her eye contact until her trance was broken when Brittany raised her glass to her lips.
Once they finished their glasses, they poured another. Then another.
Santana was starting to feel a slight buzz when she had a fantastic idea.
"We might as well pull out the hard stuff, right? We're celebrating."
Brittany probably would've objected if she hadn't been three glasses in.
"How much alcohol do you guys have in here?" Brittany questioned when Santana brought out a large bottle of vodka.
"Gotta stay ready." Santana laughed.
It started with mixed drinks, but they were downing shots by the time the sky turned black.
Santana had gotten her speaker out at some point, and suddenly, they were dancing to 2010s hits like no one was watching. Apparently Brittany had been withholding some amazing dance skills, because even through her drunken silly dances, Santana could tell that she could move for real. She couldn't tear her eyes away.
Thump thump
"I just feel like," Brittany's words slurred on her tongue. "I feel like we should go swimming."
Santana let out a loud gasp at the idea.
"My apartment has a hot tub downstairs. Let's go! Come on, you can borrow a swimsuit." Santana dragged Brittany to her room. Every time Brittany had been in there, she was amazed at the sheer amount of clothes Santana had. Seeing her meticulously organized closet was like witnessing her passion in tangible form.
"I got blue, brown, gray, black, and pink…"
"I'll take black, thanks," Brittany responded.
Skin and alcohol were a dangerous combination.
Santana noted the fact.
She noted two other things in the moment that Brittany returned from the closet to change. One: Brittany had a tattoo. It was placed on the side of her hip, but Santana couldn't make out its shape without staring too long. Two: Her friend's nipples were pierced. Her eyes were magnets that held stronger than her will, drawn to the metal poking from behind the black swimsuit material.
Santana gulped and shifted her eyes away.
"I'll go change." She muttered and walked away. Brittany could still feel Santana's piercing dark eyes on her long after she shut her closet door to change. She forgot about why she wanted Santana to stop treating her special. She couldn't focus on any other feeling besides the jumpy one she felt when Santana looked at her like that.
"Ypu ready?" Santana opened the door to reveal her new outfit: a dark chocolate bikini. Brittany caught her hanging jaw by sucking her lips into a grin.
"Yup, come on."
…
The late hour struck the pair's favor because they were the only ones present when they arrived at the pool of Santana's apartment.
"So, do you hang out here often?" Brittany asked as they set their towels down on one of the beach chairs. The pool at her own apartment was usually filled with dead bugs, leaves, and a mysterious green tint, so she never bothered with swimming in it.
"Not really. I guess I always have so much going on that I honestly forget it exists."
Brittany hummed in acknowledgment and ventured over to the hot tub. She entered the steamy water and looked behind her, waiting for her friend to follow.
"It feels nice." Brittany smiled, sinking into the water.
Every bone in her body screamed, warning her that she was not in a state to feign platonic with Brittany in a hot tub, but Santana moved toward the body of water anyway. As she inched closer, she noticed how Brittany's smile grew and couldn't help mirroring it. The water splashed slightly as she stepped into the hot tub.
"It is nice." She commented, closing her eyes and sitting back to let the jets massage her back. It was a good feeling. Her body felt good inside and out, and she was surprised to realize that her relaxed mind did, too. When she finally opened her eyes, she found blue ones resting on the slant of her neck.
If Brittany was aware that she was caught staring, she didn't show it.
"I've always loved hot tubs." The blonde started, "Me and my sister used to pretend that we fell into a magical volcano and charged with mystical powers the longer we stayed in."
"And what powers did you get?" Santana laughed.
"Wrinkly skin, unfortunately."
Santana laughed again, a little harder than she could justify. "What's it like having a sister? I grew up around all my cousins and whatnot, but I always wanted a real sister."
"It's amazing. I'd say you aren't missing out, but I wouldn't trade having Brook for the world. And seeing her grow up is just so surreal. I come home and wonder where her Dora backpack and blue blankie went."
Santana smiled. The same smile she couldn't seem to keep off of her face that night.
"They say it's like having a built-in best friend, but if it's anything like a cousin, it's having a built-in best friend and WWE sparring partner all in one."
"Yes, siblinghood definitely comes with its ups and downs. And slapping matches." Brittany giggled. "It's gotten better from when we were little, but we still butt heads sometimes. She's always on my ass about something these days."
Santana closed her eyes to the soothing sound of Brittany's voice, nodding to show she was still listening. Brittany took it as an invitation to shift her eyes back to Santana.
"Lately, she's been in my business more than Lord Tubbington sneaks out to gamble. She has been acting all disappointed in me whenever she thinks I'm not sticking up for myself. She just doesn't get that sometimes I just wanna keep the peace, not make a big stir of everything all the time."
Santana hummed in agreement.
"It's honestly just kind of embarrassing when your baby sister points out what you're doing wrong with your life."
"Brittany, you've been getting really good about sticking up for yourself lately. Remember the other week when you didn't let that girl cut us in line to get tacos?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Brittany recognized her progress but knew that if she were to truly put herself first, she wouldn't be sitting in a hot tub with the girl who friendzoned her.
She lifted herself out of the water to sit on the edge of the cement, her legs dangling in the hot tub.
Santana shifted directly beside Brittany, placing her hands on the cement and looking up at her friend.
"You okay, Britt?"
Brittany nodded profusely, attempting to shoot a reassuring smile. For a couple seconds, the only noise that filled the room was the bubbling of the hot tub. Brittany stared at the wall, and Santana's eyes drifted back to the tattoo on her hip. With a closer look, she could make out a snake curled up in a stance that made it look like it was ready to strike.
"What does it mean?" She broke the silence.
"Huh?"
"Your tattoo. The snake." Santana slurred out; she guessed she was still feeling the alcohol more than she'd realized.
"Oh." Brittany breathed. "I got it the day after I moved out of my parent's house. It kind of resembled my independence. I guess it looks almost… passionate? I figured I'd need some passion at that moment. It's supposed to remind me that I can't just focus on what I'm supposed to do, but what I want too."
"I like it." Santana gazed at the inked skin. She reached out to it without thinking and brushed her thumb against that spot on her hip. Brittany shuddered.
She looked down at Santana, a more intense look in blue eyes than before. She resembled the snake on her skin.
Without breaking eye contact, Santana pressed her hand against Brittany's thigh, still smoothing over the skin under her tattoo.
Brittany slid into the water and entered Santana's space, she refused to keep holding back because of a boundary that Santana set and didn't follow up on herself. She remembered the snake.
The steam and the water stuck strands of Santana's hair to her forehead, Brittany brushed them away.
Santana's heart rate increased as Brittany weaved fingers through her hair, then behind her ear, running them down her neck. The brunette gasped when she felt another hand rest on her back. She tried to look away, but Brittany's hand gently guided her face back in her direction.
Santana relented and wrapped her arms around the taller girl's waist.
It felt exactly like the way she imagined it would every time she ignored the impulse to just hold Brittany. To be held by her. It felt better than the way she imagined it. She hoped her heart wasn't beating too loud in her chest because it felt like it would break out of her skin.
Brittany pulled her closer until they were skin to skin. She finally reached down and kissed Santana.
Her stomach fluttered like it did when they shared their first kiss on New Year's, but she completely melted into it this time.
The kisses started light but soon turned hurried and greedy. Brittany pressed into Santana until she hit the opposite wall in the hot tub.
Their kisses went back slow, soft, and deep. The taste of alcohol on both of their tongues laced the kisses with heated intoxication. Brittany was lost in the sensation when she felt a hand settle on her ass and couldn't help the breathy moan that she exhaled. Refusing to let Santana have the upper hand, she pushed her knee between her legs, brushing against her bikini bottoms.
Soft gasps filled the air, and the pair moved in tandem until they found themselves back up in Santana's apartment. It was Brittany's idea to get in the shower and Santana's to join her.
The pair more than expended the calories they built up during Lazy Sunday, and several hours later, they fell asleep cuddled up in Santana's bed.
…
Santana is basking in warmth before she even opens her eyes. It was unusual for her to wake up with such a snug feeling in her chest, especially on a Monday morning. She had to assume her Lazy Sunday just left her really rejuvenated.
Wait.
Santana's eyes shot open and were met with the back of a blonde head.
Shit.
Santana jumped out of bed as quietly as possible and darted to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. The image of her own naked body confronted her in the mirror, and all of the fuzzy memories of the night before had rushed in at the sight.
What have I done?
Panic struck her, somehow coexisting with the flutteriness she felt when the memories of fair skin and breathy moans. She felt giddy about the night they'd spent together, what they'd shared, but it reigned terror on her all the same. Brittany had a funny way of making her feel like a living contradiction.
Being unable to stand being exposed to herself in the large bathroom mirror, Santana grabbed her robe from the back of the door and wrapped herself in it. It had been a Christmas gift from Kurt last year. It had been her favorite, fuzzy and chic, but in the moment it was making her feel small more than anything.
Santana knew that sex was a sacred act. It was the reason she didn't really make it a habit of having one-night stands or random hookups, but this wasn't a random hookup. This was Brittany.
Brittany, who made strawberry shortcake with her in the kitchen so she wouldn't have too many strawberries. Brittany, who laughed at old people with her in the mall. Brittany, the one she felt comfortable spilling her guts to, whose presence lingered in her mind day and night.
The panic and yearning clashed in her mind, causing her head to start pounding. She had crossed the line of no return with Brittany last night. There was no way she could keep stringing her along as a friend now. She started pacing the bathroom, and tears welled up in her eyes.
She had tried to keep things platonic to protect Brittany from all her bullshit and failed at that, just like she failed everyone else in her life. She hated herself for treating such a sweet angel so cruelly. Telling her she didn't want her over and over, then contradicting herself in her actions. Stringing her along. Making everything difficult. It was honestly selfish to keep holding onto Brittany at arm's length.
Brittany didn't need her, and she was better off without her.
But Santana didn't want to be without her.
No, it was too late for that. No matter how hard she'd tried to limit the people she truly cherished to her mother and Kurt, Brittany had already snuck her way in. Santana was beginning to realize that she could not simultaneously hold her close and distantly. Still, she would have to figure something out. She couldn't be without her.
Maybe she could mend this. If they just acted like it never happened, maybe things could go back to the way they were before.
She crept back into her room, where a smiling, half asleep Brittany greeted her, cozy under the blankets. Only her head and a tuft of hair poked out from under the covers.
"Hey, you." Brittany beamed.
"Hey," Santana sat on the edge of the bed. "About last night…"
"I had a lot of fun last night."
Santana glanced down to the floor, keeping her gaze low.
"I just want to apologize…" Santana murmured. "I didn't mean to… overstep. We can just pretend it never happened.
Brittany's face immediately dropped.
"You didn't mean to…?" She laughed bitterly, getting up to hastily put on her clothes. She focused on tugging her sweats on to distract her from the abrupt emotion she felt bubbling up. She reached for her shoes and started lacing them up. "Just like you didn't mean to spoil me all of yesterday. Like every time you smile at me and it makes me feel special, you don't mean it, no, I get it."
"Brittany, that's not-"
"No, Santana." Her voice cracked in emotion, so she raised her volume to steady it. "You don't mean any of it. Do you think I can't see that every time you show me warmth or affection or even kindness, it's like you just instantly regret it? Like it was a fucking mistake? I don't know what I did to make you want to hate me so bad, but if you're gonna hate me, then hate me. Don't keep me around to torture yourself."
Tears began to prick at the back of Brittany's eyes. Santana sat frozen, still staring at the carpet.
"You know you tell me all the time that I need to stick up for myself more often, but you are the only person in my life who continues to fucking disrespect me and make me feel like shit."
Brittany hadn't realized how badly Santana had been hurting her until it was spewing from her mouth.
"Even now, you can't even look at me, Santana."
Santana sucked in a shaky breath but didn't move another muscle.
"Look at me!" Brittany bent down to Santana's eye level, forcing her to see her tear-stained face. Santana snapped out of her staring contest with the carpet and looked up at Brittany. She looked livid and so desperate. Her skin was colored pink, and strands of her hair went everywhere, still mussed from the night before. Her eyes were filled with something Santana had never seen before, at least not this close-up.
Brittany wanted so badly for Santana to tell her that she was wrong. She wanted her to explain it away and reassure her that she adored her and had no restraints about it. She wanted her to hug her and kiss her and tell her it was all okay.
But Santana didn't do any of those things. She just sat there limply, staring into her eyes. Brittany was sure they looked crazy. She was pissed at her, but she still felt the urge to hug Santana and crumble apart in her arms. She felt it until she had to focus on not wrapping her arms around the other girl instead of saying anything else.
Brittany gave in and placed her hand on top of Santana's. She took a long breath and looked up at her.
"Please," She whispered through her tears.
She felt Santana's hand grab hers and squeeze it tight. They sat quietly like that for a few minutes; Brittany squatted between Santana's legs, tears still flowing down her face. Santana was as still as a statue.
"I'm sorry." Santana finally uttered. She let go of Brittany's hand right before the blonde snatched it away. Brittany stormed out of the apartment, and she didn't look back.
Heyyy lolz. I'm just gonna apologize off bat, I know its been damn near 2 years, and I'm sorry for taking such an extended break. Shit got hectic, and in the time I've been gone I've almost completed my degree, fell in love for the first time, got my heart broken for the first time, got my first girlfriend, and had my first break up lolz. If you've been following my tumblr, you know that I was planning on posting this a month or so ago but then my breakup happened and seasonal depression hit me like a truck. I won't be promising any chapter schedules, but just know i haven't given up on this fic. Regardless of the highs and lows, we're back :D
Thank you to anyone still reading, welcome to any new readers. Hope ya'll all have a happy Thanksgiving!