Chapter 17: I'm so in love with you, And I hope you know, Darling, your love is more than what its weight in gold

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"I can't believe he did that," Kara snapped, pacing back and forth across the kitchen. Carlton stood by the fridge, holding the beer that she had handed him upon arrival but, as far as Kara could tell, he hadn't taken a single sip.

Carlton watched her warily. "Who did what?"

"Doctor Sumner — Josh — kept putting me on the spot," Kara snapped. Even now, she couldn't get his questions out of her head. "I thought we were there to discuss what to do about the remains sitting in my closet. Not psycho-analyze me."

"Wow, this guy really got under your skin," Carlton replied. "What did he do, ask you to resign your commission or something?"

Kara, how do you feel about what has happened over the past year?

"He kept asking how I feel about things." She threw up her arms. "Well how the hell does he think I feel? Danny left. He turned me into a single mother. The one thing that I never wanted to be. And now he wants me to just sit around twiddling my thumbs until he's ready to come home? Like some long-suffering Victorian maiden?"

"Pretty sure you're no Victorian maiden," Carlton said, a note of humor in his voice.

Have you looked into legal separation or divorce? Do you consider yourself free to date or to have sex with other people?

Kara spun, hissing. "He asked about my sex life."

"Wait, you're having sex with someone besides Green?" Carlton asked, taking a large gulp of his beer. Lord the man was such a prude.

Kara threw him an exasperated glance. "Of course not. Anyway, you're useless. This is why I always call Alisha..." The moment that the words left her mouth, Kara stopped.

Danny tells me that your best friend was killed by her fiancée, who is also partially responsible for the attack on Mayfair. How are you handling that?

She dropped into a kitchen chair. "God I miss her. And Andrea. And Rios. Heck, I even miss Barker. I reach for my phone and realize that everyone is gone."

Carlton sat down across the table, sliding a beer to Kara. She cradled it in her hands. "I miss them too, baby girl. All of them."

"I'm angry," Kara admitted, feeling a tear roll down her face. "Why is everything always so hard?"

"Hey, no crying, I don't do crying," Carlton said, an edge of panic to the words, but Kara wasn't listening. Instead, she was hearing Josh's voice in her head.

When do you think the problems began, Kara? Before or after Danny's trip to Connecticut?

"Did Danny tell you about his family? About what his brother did? That it was a murder-suicide?" she asked, eyes on her bottle. It was only when Carlton didn't answer that she looked up, to see the indecision on his face. Suddenly, Kara couldn't breathe. "You knew?"

"What?" Carlton scowled. "No, I mean, no. But..." he trailed off, eyes unfocused as he took another long drag on his beer. "Tex and I were the ones to clear the house in Connecticut. The bodies were gone, but there was ... splatter on the walls."

Kara stared, chest so tight that she could barely form words. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Carlton was still staring out the window. "Tex suggested the hospital. I thought it was to get Danny away from the house, but then the register said Green's brother and his family died of the virus. I figured, what do I know? Maybe I was wrong. Besides, the next day when we went back to the house for Danny to get some stuff, the walls were clean."

Does learning about what happened change your view of Danny, Kara?

"Tex," she murmured.

Carlton shrugged. "He said that sometimes moving bodies causes splatter. I kind of knew it was bullshit, but if Tex didn't want Danny to see that blood, I wasn't going to argue."

The pressure on Kara's chest eased as she considered what Carlton was saying. She thought about everything going on, back during those hurried months before the Nathan James left again. There was so much chaos, so much death. Kara could understand why Carlton turned a blind eye, not wanting to believe that it was anything worse than a weird blood pattern. They had been through so much. Nobody wanted to make things worse.

She closed her eyes, refocusing, before asking, "Why didn't you tell me? Maybe not back then, but you must have wondered after he got back from Connecticut."

Carlton shifted, rocking his chair, guilt stamped across his face. "I didn't make the connection. Honest, baby girl. Back then, he seemed solid. And later I figured that it was the same shit that the rest of us are dealing with."

What if Danny had told you as soon as he learned the truth?

Kara wanted to scream. How could she answer that question? How could she possibly know how she would have reacted a year ago? Before Danny moved out and everything went to hell?

"It's not your fault. I thought that we were good too. A year ago, if you asked me about life, I would have said that I was happy. Sure there were problems but, overall, we were good." She sat back in her chair, feeling her shoulders slump. "And then suddenly we weren't and I didn't know what went wrong or how to fix it. And then Danny left. Just like every other man in my life. Well, except you. I guess I should have married you."

But Carlton didn't smile the way she expected. Instead, he cocked his head to the side, and then took a drink. "Funny, Danny said pretty much the same thing."

"He did?"

"Yeah." Carlton shrugged. "Well, not the marrying me part. The other stuff about not knowing how to fix things. He loves you, Kara. He wants to make it work. He just doesn't know how."

What would you say today if Danny asked to come home?

Kara took a sip of her beer. "I don't know that I trust him anymore, Burk. Every time things get tough, Danny throws up his hands and leaves."

"Every time?" Carlton replied, and she could hear the note of disapproval in his voice. God, Carlton was annoying at times. "I was with him in Vietnam. I saw how hard he fought to get home to you. Cut the guy some slack, Kara."

"Fine, not every time," Kara admitted. "But this wasn't a first either. This is exactly what happened back at Gitmo. Something shook him and he wouldn't talk to me for weeks. And, stupid me, I let it go. Now he seems to think that leaving for months is okay. Next thing I know, I'll be married to some version of Tex and we won't have seen him in years."

Carlton shook his head, eyes on the ceiling. "Look, lord knows how the two of you ever managed to get together between your abandonment issues — "

"Hey!" Kara objected, but Carlton pressed on.

"And Green's inability to process basic human emotions without getting all twisted up like a pretzel. But the fact that you both keep coming back for more has to mean something."

How do you picture your life in five years, Kara? Do you see Danny as your husband? A co-parent? Colleague?

Kara scowled. "Yeah, it means that I have shitty taste in men."

Although that wasn't true, was it? Danny was a good man, for all of his flaws. He made her laugh and supported her career. He was a good dad — when he was around and not, as Carlton said, an emotional pretzel. And, when it came right down to it, she couldn't picture a life that didn't involve Danny. Five years, ten or fifteen. He crept into all of those images, flashing that damn smile.

"Or it means that you know he'll come around and come home and are just too pissed at him to admit it right now." Carlton paused. "Which, by the way, is fair. The guy has more meltdowns than a toddler."

Kara chuckled. "When did you get a degree in psychology?"

"Living with Green has been an education," Carlton muttered. "I've never known a guy so capable of compartmentalizing."

"I know," Kara replied. "The way he can switch it off is scary at times. But then it just builds up and builds up."

"And poof," Carlton finished.

Danny says that you've begun divorce proceedings. Are you open to considering a postponement?

They both laughed, and silence fell in the kitchen. Finally Kara looked up. "So what do I do then, oh wise one?"

Carlton smiled. "You wait, baby girl. You wait for him to figure out that what he really needs to do is come home."