Adventures of the Super Mario Bros.
By Nintendoman01
Disclaimer:
I do not own Super Mario or its associated characters; they are the property of Nintendo. I make no profit from this story and just do it to kill time and have fun. I do, however, own all OCs unless otherwise stated.
Author's Note:
Here's an idea I've had on the backburner for a while. I'm a huge Sonic fan, but I'm an even bigger Mario fan; those two games were my childhood. As with Tales of Sonic, this is my own personal take on the Mario mythos, taking a little bit of everything from each continuity; the games, cartoons, comics, movies, etc., with my personal twists here and there.
Constructive criticism is appreciated, but NO FLAMES. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple.
- Prologue -
Pipe Dreams
In an old brownstone in the heart of Brooklyn, New York, a large TV was playing a plumbing commercial at max volume. The screen showed twin brothers, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Both brothers had blue eyes, brown hair, and thick black mustaches, and were wearing identical outfits consisting of long-sleeved shirts, blue overalls with gold buttons, brown work boots, and white gloves, along with monogrammed caps with the letters of their first names on them. That was where the similarities ended: while Luigi was tall and thin, Mario was short and stocky. Mario's hat and shirt were also red, while Luigi's were green. They were driving their plumbing van and nodding along to the accompanying rap.
"We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game / We're not like the others who get all the fame / If your sink is in trouble, you can call us on the double / We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the Brothers, uh! / H-hooked on the brothers."
On the screen, the brothers saved a woman from a flooding faucet, never breaking eye contact with the camera and moving in sync with the rhythm. The scene cut to Mario and Luigi before the background shifted to yellow, the words "Mario Bros. Plumbing" behind them.
"It's-a me, Mario!" Mario's voice cut in.
"And-a me, Luigi!" Luigi added.
"Are you tired of paying too much for plumbing?"
Both of them put on dramatic faces as the background shifted to a stock image of money behind them. It even still had the stock images watermark on it.
"Mama-mia!"
The scene then cut to the Bros. wearing yellow capes and pretending to fly while superimposed over the New York skyline… with the bar stools they were lying on to do so not edited out.
"That's why the Super Mario Bros. are here!" Mario declared before the scene cut to a map of New York City, Mario sending a small miniature van across it.
"Now here to save Brooklyn," he declared.
"And-a Queens," the younger twin added, intercepting the miniature and directing it to the part of the map that said Queens.
"And-a your wallet!" they declared in unison.
The scene then cut to the woman whose sink they fixed, who was clearly struggling with her lines, even obviously squinting at an offscreen teleprompter or cue card.
"Thank you, Super Mario Bros.!" she declared in a very monotone voice while attempting to feign enthusiasm. "It seems like the only thing you haven't drained is my bank account!" She shrugged, visibly confused as if thinking, "Who wrote this?"
The scene ended with the Bros. before their van.
"So forget-a the expensive plumbing companies where you're-a just a face," Mario said. "For the Super Mario Brothers, you're-a family!"
A splash page then came on screen with their logo and their phone number, listing them off and even offering a website. As the commercial wound to a close, Luigi himself was practically bouncing on his bed.
"Wa-hoo!" he cheered, punching the air as he jumped. "Did you see that, bro? We'll be raking in the calls in no time with that commercial!"
On a bed across the small room, an identical bed to Luigi's save for red sheets instead of green, Mario just stared at the TV with an expression of boredom and annoyance.
"Yeah," he remarked, totally deadpan. "I'm-a so glad we blew our entire college fund on this commercial."
"Commercial?" Luigi sputtered, gesturing to the screen. "That is not a commercial, Bro! That is cinema!"
"It's any chance of either of us having a life outside of leaky faucets going down the drain."
Mario completed this sentence with the pantomime of flushing a toilet before flopping back onto his bed. Luigi sighed, getting up from his bed before moving to his twins.
"Look, I know this isn't the life you wanted, but after Pa threw his back out, someone had to take over the family business. Besides, it was either us or Uncle Tony."
That made Mario make a disgusted face. "Uncle Tony doesn't know the difference between a drain pipe and a water main."
"Exactly, and Uncle Arthur has his job at Punch-Out Pizza, and Mary Pat's only sixteen."
Mario just groaned again, then they both perked at the sound of a shout.
"Boys! Dinner's ready!"
The brothers headed down to find their family gathered around the table. At the table was their father Lou, their mother Martha, their Grandpa Angelo, Uncle Arthur, Uncle Tony, Aunt Marie, and their little sister, Mary Pat. Their father was a heavyset man who was balding, his thick mustache connecting to the remaining hair on the side of his head. Uncle Arthur was on the skinnier side, wearing his Punch Out Pizza cook's uniform, though his hat was on the coat rack. Aunt Marie had thick red hair that was styled nicely and she was wearing a lovely blue housewife dress. Uncle Tony had frizzy black hair and wore glasses, with a windbreaker from his bowling league. Their mom Martha was heavyset like her husband, with a matronly appearance as she set out the food on the table. Grandpa Angelo was a very old man with a faded green cap pulled over his eyes and a thick, snow-white beard. He had no teeth and was a little senile, laughing lightly from his seat. Finally, Mary Pat was leaning back in her chair, a magenta hat with the initials MP on them turned backward on her head. She was playing Jump Man on her phone, and from her expression, she was losing.
"Dang it…" she cursed. "How do Mario and old man Giuseppe make this look so easy?"
"Mary Pat, put your phone away," Martha ordered. "You know the rules."
"But Mom, I almost beat this-" Her phone chirped negatively. "Ugh!"
She sighed, pocketing her phone as Mario and Luigi sat down.
"Oh, it's the Super Mario Brothers from the TV!" Uncle Tony declared, Angelo and Uncle Arthur laughing.
"They give an Oscar for worst actors?" Arthur asked, only to get slapped upside the head by Marie.
"Be nice, Arthur," she admonished. "I think they put a lotta work into it."
"Well said," Martha agreed.
"Eh, I still say they shouldn't ah changed the name," Lou said. "Mario Plumbing was a fine name. Right, Papi?"
Grandpa Angelo just laughed as Martha began passing out dinner. The minute she saw what was on her plate, Mary Pat recoiled in disgust
"Mushroom fettucini…" she shuddered. "Ma…"
"You need to stop being so picky, Mary Pat," Martha admonished as the girl started passing her mushrooms to Luigi. "Your brothers like mushrooms."
"My brothers are weirdos. I mean, c'mon! Have you seen Mario's tastes?: She set down her fork and began counting on her fingers. "Peppermint pizza, mushroom and jelly, pepperoni cheesecake, mozzarella milkshake... and don't even get me started on that time he thought pickles were a good Italian ice topping."
"Says the girl who drinks apple sauce like it's a beverage," Luigi quipped, earning himself a punch in the arm from his sister.
While they playfully bantered, Mario picked at his food, his somber demeanor drawing the attention of his father.
"Hey Mario, why the long face?" Lou asked, leaning slightly on the table. "You normally like mushroom fettucini."
"Yeah, what's-a wrong?" Uncle Tony questioned before shoving a bite of pasta in his mouth. "Haven't seen you this down and out since your days on Spike's wrecking crew."
"That obvious, huh?" Mario sighed. "It's just, I can't help but think… is this really where I want to be in life?"
"Whaddaya mean?" Lou questioned.
"You know what I mean, Dad. I was the top runner on the track and field team back in school. I had a full ride to wherever I wanted. But then you get hurt, have to retire… and next thing I know, Luigi and I are shipped off to the Brooklyn Plumbers Academy."
"It was either that, or we'd lose the workshop to Scapelli Construction and end up on the streets," Martha pointed out.
"I know, I know…" Mario sighed. "I just... I wanted to be something more. I wanted to make a name for myself, not be stuck under sinks for the rest of my life."
"You know what your problem is, son?" Lou asked. "You hate routine."
"Is that so?" Mario asked.
"Yeah. You've worked a lot of jobs since high school. Carpenter, sports coach, referee... heck, you even tried getting a job as an intern at Manhattan General. You were so good at all of them, but you always lost interest and quit."
"They weren't challenging," Mario said with a shrug, only to recoil a bit when Lou poked him hard in the chest.
"Exactly. They got mundane and boring. And that's just not you, is it?"
Mario rubbed where he got poked, groaning a bit. "I was just hoping that one day I'd do something big. Something important. Something… monumental."
"C'mon, you're a Mario," Uncle Arthur insisted. "The eldest son of our family. It's your birthright to inherit the business."
"You don't know what my birthright is because you found me and Luigi in the sewers. We're not blood sons."
There was the sound of silverware dropping to the table as silence fell across the family. Everyone stared at Mario, Lou, and Martha looking genuinely hurt. Mary Pat in particular gave Mario a look of pure anger.
"So I guess this means the last twenty-odd years mean nothing to you, huh, Mario?"
Mario blinked, realizing what he just said.
"No… I-I didn't mean…" He sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just… having a bad time."
Lou reached over, putting a hand on his son's shoulder. "You listen here. It don't matter where you came from, or what kind of blood you got running through your veins. You have been a Mario since the day I found you, and that will never change."
"Well said, Louis," Martha declared. "And Mario, maybe you should go cool off in your room for a bit."
"Right…" Mario stood up, leaving the room.
Later, Luigi headed up to their room with Mary Pat in tow, bringing Mario a fresh plate of food. They opened the door to find Mario playing Kid Icarus on their NES. He soon wound up getting a game over, the screen flashing "I'm Finished!" as he set the controller down.
"How fitting," Mario said flatly.
A knock on the door got him to turn, seeing Luigi and Mary Pat walking into the room. The former held out the plate to his twin.
"Ma warmed it up for you," he said as Mario took the plate. As he ate, Mario looked up at Mary Pat.
"I didn't mean what I said, MP. You… know that, right?"
Mary Pat sighed. "Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Blood or not, you guys are my big bros. And I love you. We all love you."
"I love you, too," Mario assured her. "Never think otherwise, no matter what stupid crap comes out of my mouth. I just… need some time to adjust and get into the swing of handling the workshop, I guess."
"We'll get there, bro," Luigi insisted, wrapping an arm around his brother. "And hey, who knows? If we turn enough of a profit, maybe you can take some classes online at the local university."
"Yeah…" Mario smiled at that. "Could work."
At that moment, his cell phone went off. Mario was quick to answer it.
"Hello, Super Mario Bros. You clog 'em, we clear 'em." He paused as the caller explained the situation. "We're on it." He then hung up and turned to Luigi. "Seems destiny's calling, Bro."
Luigi perked. "Destiny Del Macchio from high school?"
Mario and Mary Pat gave him a blank look.
"No," Mario clarified. "Clogged sewer beneath Times Square. This just might be the opportunity we're waiting for."
Luigi nodded, grabbing his tool bag and punching the air. "Alright. Let's a-go."
Mario just sighed as he rolled his eyes. "You know, it's stuff like that there that got you stuffed in lockers when we were kids."
Down in the sewers, the brothers were looking around the main water pipes, fixing any leaks they found and getting everything straightened out. As they did, Luigi took a look around and chuckled.
"You remember when Pa brought us down here on our birthday? Showed us exactly where he'd found us."
"Yeah, I remember," Mario recalled, his voice a bit muffled by all the pipes he was working on. "We were eight and he decided it was time for us to learn the family business. Then he got all nostalgic and spent most of the time going on and on about finding us."
"Yeah, good times." Luigi straightened up, popping his back. "I think I'm done on my end. How's your side looking?"
Mario finished tightening one last bolt. "That just about does it. Time for the moment of truth."
He turned a valve, and the water began running, and when it did, they heard a chorus of strange sounds. It didn't sound like pipes, more like... animals?
"What the…?" Mario let out. "Those don't sound like rats."
With a watery explosion, numerous bizarre creatures burst out of a nearby pipe, resembling giant crabs, turtles, and flies. They surrounded the surprised Mario Bros., Luigi scared stiff while Mario stood firm.
"Ack! M-M-Monsters!"
"So the pipes were being blocked by giant animals," Mario mused. "Mishap at the nuclear plant, maybe?"
"W-what are we gonna do?!" Luigi cried.
"Only one thing to do."
He brandished a plunger from his belt. The creatures all stared blankly, exchanging looks before bursting into laughter. That quickly ended when Mario threw the plunger like a javelin, sticking to a turtle's face before he jumped into the fray, punching and kicking.
"Way to go, Mario!" Luigi cheered. "Show those monsters who's boss!"
Something tapped his shoulder. Luigi stiffened, turning around to see several more monsters right behind him.
"M-M-MARIO!" he screamed.
Mario turned and saw the monsters closing in on Luigi. "Luigi! Hang on, bro!"
He stomped on one turtle, forcing it into its shell before throwing it at Luigi. Getting his brother's intent, Luigi kicked the shell at the beasts, knocking them over like bowling pins. As they looked over the downed critters, Mario slapped Luigi on the back.
"They look a little shell-shocked, eh bro?" he quipped, getting a dirty look. "Bad puns aside, we need to focus on what's important here."
"Like what?"
"Like where exactly these things came from."
"What do you mean? We should leave that to the NYPD, or the army."
"And tell them what? We got attacked by killer turtles and crabs? They'd think we're crazy."
"Mario, we're plumbers . We can't go looking into monsters!" Mario got a gleam in his eye. Luigi stiffened. "Oh no... I know that look."
Mario was already heading into the sewer, flashlight in hand.
"Mario, come on!" Luigi objected. "We're not trained for this sort of thing! We unclog toilets, not fight monsters!"
"Well, I'm going," Mario said with finality. "You can come too, or you can stay here. Alone. With them."
Luigi looked back at the downed monsters before running toward Mario.
"Wait for me!" he shouted.
The two walked along for a bit, eventually arriving in an old subway station, long abandoned. In the wall across from them was a strange-looking green pipe, from which one of the giant turtles was emerging.
"So this is where they came from," Mario mused.
"That doesn't look like any pipe we learned about at the academy," Luigi remarked.
Mario tapped it with a wrench. "It's metal, but... a strange metal."
He got down on his hands and knees, looking inside. "Can't see the bottom. It must go pretty deep."
"Careful, Mario," Luigi warned.
"Relax. I'm just gonna take a-" He lost his grip and fell in with a scream.
"MARIO!"
Without even thinking, Luigi dove in after him. The pipe began to glow, then it closed it on itself and vanished, taking the two Brooklyn plumbers with it…
Author's Note:
So! This chapter got a bit of a revamp in the wake of the Super Mario Bros. Movie. Absolutely awesome, BTW. Highly recommend it. We also decided to showcase the entire Mario family, and how could we not make use of the iconic rap and the amazing commercial? The names of the mom, dad, and grandpa are our inventions, but the uncles and aunt, Marie, Tony, and Arthur, are from the movie. And yes, we named their dad Lou after Captain Lou Albano.
As for Mary Pat, she's based on an unnamed girl at the dinner scene who's identified as the Bros.' niece; she's been reworked into an OC by Author of the Insane, and the Bros. younger sister. So... yeah, bit of an Animaniacs dynamic there.
Scapelli Construction is from the live-action Mario movie; yes, I'm using some aspects from it here. As for Mario being a track-and-field athlete, that's my explanation for why he can pull off all those crazy jumps and acrobatics.
Voice cast for this chapter:
* Mary Pat - Mae Whitman (Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Yuffie Kisaragi in Dirge of Cerberus and Kingdom Hearts II, April O'Neil in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012, Wonder Girl in Young Justice, Rose/Huntsgirl in American Dragon: Jake Long, Tinker Bell in the Disney Fairies movies)
Please R&R. Until next time!