It's been one year and four months and seven days. 13 hours and 27 seconds.
And Scott hasn't laughed once.
I love my brother dearly and I worry, so, so much.
My eldest brother is awesome. He takes care of all of us. He make sure we eat, drink, that some of us bathe regularly. That our school work is up-to-date, that we go to bed on time.
Before it happened, he laughed a lot. He would play pranks both with Gordon and against Gordon. He would watch movies with us, even though he'd seen them all before. He'd sit and listen to Virgil play the piano. He'd even sit on the roof and watch the stars with John and me.
Now he sits at that desk and writes. He doesn't watch the stars anymore. He doesn't stop and listen to Virgil. He doesn't play pranks or come swimming.
He is too busy.
And he never laughs.
His shoulders are always down, unless he notices me looking. Then he smiles and says everything is alright but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. They are too bright, and sometimes suspiciously wet.
He doesn't even fly much anymore.
Sometimes I hate my Dad for making Scotty so sad. I know it wasn't his fault. Not really.
But Mom left then Dad left and it's just Scott looking out for us all.
Grandma tries to help him. But she says he is a 'typical Tracy' and once she said 'you're as stubborn as your father'. After that he disappeared for a couple of hours. Grandma was very sad.
John and Virgil try to help too, but they have their own work to do. John's just finishing a NASA stint and is currently on the International Space Station. He wanted to quit and come home but Scott said no. He is getting special training.
Virgil too is away, he's completing some kind of medic training. He's already got a lot, but Dad had set this up before…before he left. And Scotty said it was important like John's course was important.
Brains is off somewhere and I never know where Kayo is anymore anyway.
So it's just me, Scott, Gordon and Grandma.
Gordon's leaving too, soon. Dad arranged for him to get a year's training with WASP so he could be ready for when he joined and got Four.
I'm not looking forward to that. Gordy is my best friend. But he's fifteen and I'm only ten. I still have at least six years of school before I can join.
International Rescue was - is - Dad's dream. Scott, John and Virgil were already helping him. He told Gordon and I we could join when we were eighteen if we wanted.
Now Dad's gone Scott has stopped iR. he says we need time to get 'it' together. That my brothers all need to finish their training. He says I can train alongside when I'm fourteen, but for now I need to concentrate on school, especially if I want to be an astronaut.
I want that so badly. I'm going to be the bestest, youngest astronaut!
When I say that to Scotty he grins at me, the first honest smile I've seen since… And he ruffles my hair. And there is a very slight chuckle.
Now I know what I need to do. If I behave and work hard on my schooling Scotty will be happy and maybe he'll even laugh.
But it's school vacation so I can't do that yet. I need to find another way to make Scott laugh.
I start by tidying my room. And keeping it tidy (as long as no one looks under the bed). And putting my laundry in the basket. I start helping Grandma around the villa.
Gordon has started looking at me funny. But he doesn't say anything, just watches me with narrow eyes like when he's plotting.
Whatever he's plotting, he better not ruin my plan.
Yeah, I took a leaf out of John's book and made a plan. It's a pretty easy plan, actually.
One – keep my stuff in order
Two – do well at school
Three – avoid my brother's scheming
That should be easy, right?
Right?
Maybe I should put avoiding Gordon first…