Chapter 19: Something Like Hope
Yes I apologize, I said this could've been ready within the month but turns out I was on my bullshit again. Either way thank you all as always for all your support!
I'm not sure what kind of flavor this chapter is tbh. Is it fluffy angst? Is it angsty fluff? Is it neither? I'll let you all decide. Enjoy!
Make no mistake, I'll do whatever it takes
To get over these walls
High up in the atmosphere
If I could catapult my heart
Watch the empire fall
I'm gonna get you out of here
If I could catapult my heart
To where you are
~Catapult
It was ridiculous really, the amount of time it took Rapunzel to truly grasp what was happening around her. It had been too much, too many emotions and information and bottled up anguish in too little time. One moment the truth had been about to spill out into the open room, the looming shadow of doubt and fear threatening to swallow the already too low light coming from the sparse candles around the stuffy bedroom, and the next moment the dimly lit space had been illuminated by the brighter light spilling from the hallway outside, now the silhouette of Cassandra being the one to loom over Rapunzel's unease.
It felt as though she was an invisible, ghostly witness, an incorporeal being hanging in the air, unable to move or act as she watched in silent worry as her handmaiden and Eugene assessed each other, one with cautious curiosity, the other with growing, righteous fury. It seemed to take only a moment for Eugene to pick up on the wrath radiating off of the young brunette, but it seemed to be a moment too late.
Before Rapunzel could even blink or Eugene could act on his instincts, Cassandra had crossed the room in three quick strides, materializing right before Eugene and delivering a precise and powerful blow across his face.
"Ow! What the f-!"
Eugene's pained yelp was enough to spur Rapunzel into action.
"Cassandra!"
She jumped between the two before her furious handmaiden could even think about continuing her assault. Behind her, Eugene had brought a hand to his face, rubbing the spot on his cheek where Cassandra's punch had landed with strong precision. Rapunzel could already see the skin below his eye turning red.
"What the hell was that for?!" Eugene groaned, clearly struggling between bewilderment and indignation.
"Oh, that's the very least you deserve, you dishonorable, traitorous, good-for-nothing—!"
"Cassandra, that's enough, thank you!" Rapunzel interrupted before the young handmaiden could continue her tirade, she had a feeling it would be quite a long, scathing speech.
"I'm sorry, Raps, but I did tell you if we ever found him I would punch him in the face." Cassandra shrugged, turning her scornful eyes back toward Eugene. If looks could kill, Rapunzel was sure between Eugene and Cassandra's withering glares there would already be a bloodbath. "And believe me, there's plenty more where that came from."
Eugene looked positively affronted now."Listen lady, I don't know what your problem is but-"
"Alright! You know, I think it's time for introductions!" Rapunzel clapped her hands together, trying for a cheerful tone to disperse the tension in the room. It only gained her a pair of identically disgruntled stares, but she decided to ignore it.
"Cassandra, this is Eugene." Rapunzel said as if she even needed to introduce him. She suppressed a grimace as she gestured toward a clearly irritated Eugene, his frown deepening at the sound of being introduced by his real name and not his infamous alter ego.
"Eugene…?" Cassandra's own scowl cleared as she raised an inquisitive eyebrow. Her mouth quirked in distaste. "I'm pretty sure that's Flynn Rider."
"It's kind of the same." Rapunzel shrugged.
She heard Eugene's scoff behind her, but she wasn't exactly in the mood to indulge him in his apparent distaste for his real name. She'd had enough of lies and half truths to last her a lifetime, and she wasn't about to address him as Flynn Rider again just so that Cassandra might not know about his real identity. Instead, Rapunzel turned to face him as she extended a hand towards the brunette woman before her.
"Eugene, this is Cassandra, my handmaiden."
"Handmaiden?" Eugene asked, voice dripping with skepticism. "Is she really fit company for a Royal Princess? What kind of handmaidens do they hire in Corona?"
"The kind that can break your nose if you keep talking." Cassandra all but growled, taking a threatening step forward.
Her threat however, didn't have the desired effect. Instead of backing down, Eugene quirked a single eyebrow defiantly, as if goading her to try, the corners of his lips lifting into a mocking smirk, and for a moment Rapunzel could see the traces of Flynn Rider again, the same cynical man that had kidnapped her all those months ago, the one who laughed in the face of danger and had a knack of annoying even the most menacing of thugs. Cassandra was sure to loathe him after this, Rapunzel thought with a grimace.
"No one is breaking any noses!" She exclaimed, blocking Cassandra's way as the young handmaiden seemed ready to launch herself at Eugene.
"We'll see about that." Cassandra grumbled, "Did you tell him? What did he say?"
The words had the unwelcome effect of making Rapunzel's stomach knot in anxiousness all over again. In the flurry of activity she had almost forgotten, but the worry and shame came crashing over her with newfound force.
"Tell me what?"
"I was kind of in the middle of it, actually." Rapunzel mumbled, pointedly ignoring Eugene's enquiry.
It took only a moment before Cassandra's face cleared as realization dawned on her.
"Oh." But there was no trace of remorse or shame in the young handmaiden's face, only a small wave of her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Well, don't mind me. Go on then, continue."
"Tell me what?" Eugene insisted, Rapunzel detected a strange edge to his voice but she wasn't about to have this conversation with Cassandra still standing in the middle of the room.
"Um… you know, I'd actually like a bit of privacy… if you don't mind?"
Cassandra raised a dark eyebrow. "Where else am I supposed to go at this hour?"
It was a fair question, Rapunzel supposed. It was entirely too late in the evening, the streets outside were already dead silent and deserted, the only source of activity coming from the dubious patrons mingling in the pub below. Rapunzel didn't think Cassandra would appreciate lingering with the crowd downstairs any more than standing idly outside in the empty hallway. Besides this was her room too, it wasn't entirely fair of her to kick the handmaiden out for however long this conversation would last, and she supposed it would be quite long considering the magnitude of the news she was about to drop. She didn't have much time to ponder on it, however. Eugene's patience seemed to already have reached its limit.
"Will somebody tell me what is going on here?!" He exclaimed, eyes zeroing in on her. "Rapunzel, tell me what?"
Rapunzel's eyes travelled between Cassandra and Eugene, unsure of where to settle her attention. Eugene picked on her discomfort however, and soon his gaze settled on her disgruntled handmaiden.
"Do you mind?" He raised a petulant eyebrow, hand gesturing towards the door.
Cassandra visibly bristled at this. "I don't take orders from you."
"Maybe we can continue this conversation tomorrow?" Rapunzel interrupted before the two could start the heated argument that was already brewing between them. "Cass is right, it's quite late and this is her room too."
She neglected to mention this way she would have more time to mentally prepare herself. A part of Rapunzel wanted to keep the secret to herself just a little longer. Eugene was having none of it, however.
"I have a room of my own upstairs," Eugene reminded her. "We can talk there without any handmaidens interrupting."
The side-eye he threw at the brunette was uncharacteristically contemptuous coming from him. Beside Rapunzel, Cassandra scoffed.
"I'm not sure leaving you two alone together is actually a good idea, considering what's happened so far."
"Cass!"
The crude statement would have made any other princess gasp in horrified indignation, it certainly made her cheeks color in embarrassment and Rapunzel could admit she didn't quite like the handmaiden's brazen insinuation. Perhaps Cassandra was just being protective, still believing that the infamous Flynn Rider had managed to seduce an innocent princess with his calculated charm and sinister intentions. Perhaps she was being cautious that he wouldn't try anything untoward with her, manipulative as Cassandra surely believed he was. Still, it was a grave breach of propriety and insubordination that no other noble would tolerate. But the thin line between duty and friendship had blurred somewhere along the way. Was Rapunzel even a princess still if she had already given up on that life? Was Cassandra even her handmaiden more than her reluctant companion?
Well, handmaiden or not Rapunzel decided she definitely did not want a witness in the already uncomfortable conversation she was about to have. She had been unwilling to go to Eugene's room at first, somewhere unfamiliar where she wouldn't be even remotely in control of the situation. But now it appeared like the best option. With a heavy sigh, Rapunzel gave him a reluctant nod.
"Fine, we can talk in your room if you'd like."
Cassandra didn't do much to hide her disapproval from her face. Her deep scowl was more than enough to tell Rapunzel just how much she disliked the idea. She eyed Eugene once more with evident distaste and leaned towards Rapunzel.
"I'll be here if you need anything. If he tries anything unseemly, you just scream and I'll be right there." Cassandra muttered, making sure to speak loud enough for Eugene to hear her clearly.
Eugene for his part seemed utterly offended with the insinuation that he would dare try such a thing.
Rapunzel rested a reassuring hand on Cassandra's shoulder. "I'll be fine, Cass. I won't be gone for long."
Cassandra didn't seem convinced at all, but said nothing else as Rapunzel approached the entrance of the room and opened the door, Eugene following behind her as she stepped outside.
On his way to the door, he shot Cassandra a saccharine grin that couldn't appear more fake if he tried.
"Lovely to meet you, Cassandra." Eugene said with a mocking bow of his head, deliberately mispronouncing her name. "See? Even a wanted criminal has manners, you should try learning some."
He waved his hand with a flourish as Cassandra's eyes narrowed dangerously, but before she could say anything else he closed the door on her face with a resounding thud.
"Sheesh! What is her problem?" Eugene muttered, already walking down the hallway in direction of the staircase.
Rapunzel followed close behind, trying to ignore the way her heart raced the further away they walked from her own room. "She's… not exactly your biggest fan."
"You don't say!" His voice dripped sarcasm as he lead the way up the rickety stairs. "I thought that punch was almost a love declaration, actually.
"Did I mention she's the daughter of the Captain of Corona's Royal Guard?"
"Ah, yup, that does explain a lot."
Their stilted conversation lulled after that, both of them remaining silent as Eugene kept walking before her in a deliberately leisured pace, like he was trying to stop himself from bolting as fast as possible up the hallway. It didn't take long before they stopped in front of one of the multiple doors in the upper floor. He opened it for her and gestured for Rapunzel to step inside as he followed behind and busied with lighting up the room. Rapunzel hesitated for a moment near the threshold, unsure of where to stand. Eugene's room was not much different from the one she shared with Cassandra, save for the fact that it had only one mattress instead of the twin beds at hers, and a noticeable lack of a table and chair in one of the corners of the bedroom. She wasn't exactly a fan of the idea of sitting on his bed, so she remained standing awkwardly, arms crossing over her middle as if that would be enough to conceal the truth hiding beneath her large cloak.
She watched as he approached the tiny mirror hanging on the wall near the dresser, grimacing as his fingers trailed lightly across the already blooming bruise over his cheekbone.
"Want some help with that?" Rapunzel asked hesitantly. He looked surprised that she had offered.
"Nah, it's alright." Eugene looked at her over the mirror as he shook his head gently. "It will just bruise a bit. Thanks though."
She nodded and turned away again before he could say anything else.
Rapunzel could feel Eugene's presence moving about the room, like a light flutter in the wind. It didn't have quite the soothing effect it had once had, instead it made the skin of her body break out in goosebumps, anticipation clawing at her chest. She'd spent countless sleepless nights wondering what it would be like, what she would say if she ever saw him again. Now that he was close enough to speak to, a tangible presence just a few feet away and easily within reach, she found she had to fight her throat from closing up every time she tried to utter a single word.
There were a thousand different feelings fighting to take precedence within her, but her heart and her brain were warring very different battles. She was overwhelmed with the urge to touch him, to feel his skin against hers if only to convince herself he was real, but the mere thought brought an unpleasant shiver down her spine. Her soul screamed at her to close the unbearable distance between them, to cling to him, to beg him to never let her go again, her mind however, warned her against letting her guard down. Her heart was too battered, too bruised and delicate still. She had not yet begun to heal from the blow of his apparent betrayal, she was not ready for another disappointment. And gosh what a disappointment this whole ordeal had turned out to be.
Rapunzel still couldn't decide how to feel about the fact that Eugene had left her on his own volition, that he had knowingly let her believe he had played with her feelings and never cared at all. Somehow it felt like a cruel betrayal still, even if Eugene claimed he'd done it to protect her. She wanted so badly to believe the spark of tenderness and devotion she detected in his eyes was genuine, but maybe she was imagining things, maybe her own love for him —the one she was utterly unable to pry from her chest no matter how much she tried— was making her see things that weren't there. It was torture, not being able to trust herself and how accurate her judgement might be. She'd learned it was better to set herself up for disappointment than to dream impossible things, and there was still one enormous detail that might very well send Eugene running for the hills. She wouldn't let herself hope, she couldn't.
Suddenly she felt Eugene standing right behind her, and her shoulders immediately tensed at the unexpected closeness. Rapunzel could almost feel the heat of his body radiating off of him as he extended a hand towards her, careful to let her see his every movement so as not to startle her.
"Would you like to take that off?" He offered, and it took her a moment to realize he meant the heavy cloak still wrapped around her. "It looks a bit uncomfortable."
It was, but her first instinct was to clutch a protective hand around the neck of the heavy garment, as if afraid Eugene might take it off of her. She flinched away and twisted her body to face him, taking a few steps back.
"No!" Rapunzel startled even herself with the vehemence in her own voice as her hands tightened around the rough cloth. "No, uh… I'd rather keep it, thank you."
The cloak still acted as a physical barrier between her secret and Eugene's ever watchful eyes. She was adamant to keep it as long as possible. She almost regretted her decision, however, when the hint of something akin to pain flashed across his face when she shrank back trying to avoid his closeness. It was only an instant, there one second and gone the next as he schooled his wounded expression into one of neutral acceptance, but she saw it nonetheless. Eugene probably believed her rather extreme reaction was caused by mistrust, perhaps even fear of his touch. He made no comment about it, and stepped further away from her with a somewhat defeated sigh.
"Very well." He waved vaguely toward a tiny closet next to the door. "There's a coat rack there if you need it later."
Rapunzel nodded mutely, eyes wandering around the room in an attempt to avoid his searching gaze. A tense silence settled between them, only interrupted by the creak of Eugene's footfalls as he backed further away from her and leaned against the wall, arms crossing over his broad chest. Rapunzel hated this heavy awkwardness, the way the ease chemistry that used to flow between them seemed to have evaporated into thin air. There was still too much left unsaid, too many things unclear, but she wished it could be easier. She wished she could look into his eyes and just tell him without any fear of rejection from his part. She wished she could trust him as blindly as she had done months ago.
The thought ignited a sudden and very unwelcome spark of resentment deep within her chest. Whether with herself or with Eugene she wasn't quite sure but it was there, persistent and unpleasant like a pebble wedged inside her shoe. How she wished he had just handled things differently, that he had trusted her enough to tell her his plans all those weeks and months ago, that he hadn't broken her hopes and dreams and the loyal faith she'd had in him. No matter how much she willed it to be different, Rapunzel had built walls that had not been there before, strong and tall guarding her fragile heart. She couldn't seem to tear them down for him any more than she could stop herself from fearing he might leave again, after he found out the truth.
Eugene, for his part, seemed to have grown tired of waiting. She watched out of the corner of her eyes as he ran a hand through his hair, a heavy sigh tumbling past his lips.
"Rapunzel, what is this?"
"Huh?"
"You clearly have something to tell me." She could feel his eyes boring into her, insistent and intense. She still couldn't face him. "Something important enough for your lovely handmaiden to be quite concerned about, yet you won't say a thing."
"I'm not entirely sure how to tell you." Rapunzel mumbled, fingernails digging into the skin of her sweaty palms as they balled into fists.
Eugene ducked his head, searching her gaze. "You can tell me anything, Sunshine. You know that right?"
Sunshine. It had been so long since she'd last heard him call her that. The endearment made her head snap up, her eyes finally meeting his. Rapunzel found nothing but warmth and tenderness beneath his soft expression. Somehow that had the embarrassing effect of making her eyes well up.
"You know, at first I was resigned to it." She whispered instead, trying desperately to keep her voice steady. "I really did believe that had been your plan all along, that you had taken the crown and a generous ransom like you'd wanted to do when we first met. I thought I had just been your plaything to entertain yourself while you bided your time to get rid of me, and I had been foolish enough to believe you actually cared, that you may have even—"
Rapunzel cut herself off, voice breaking despite her best wishes.
Eugene took a hesitant step forward. "Rapunzel, I'm so—"
"No, please," she held a hand up to stop him. "Let me finish."
Rapunzel took a shuddering breath, suddenly missing Pascal's always reassuring presence and wondering why she had left him back at her room with Cassandra.
"When I returned to the palace, the Royal Council insisted on a speedy marriage, before the news of my abduction spread beyond Corona and ruined my reputation." Rapunzel continued, turning her back to Eugene and walking towards the closet he had pointed out before. "They wasted no time in finding me a good match. And all the while I was ready to accept it. I would unwillingly marry a man I did not love, I would live the rest of my days in the palace, I would do my best to act the part of an appropriate future queen… I would force myself to forget about you, and you would become just a painful memory locked away in the deepest corner of my mind."
With shaking fingers, Rapunzel began undoing the buttons of her cloak, letting it fall loose around her shoulders. She felt like her heart was trying to claw its way out of her throat as she unwrapped the garment from her frame an carefully hung it on the coatrack in the closet. The evidence was not yet too obvious, but if Eugene had payed enough attention, if he remembered the contours of her body as well as she remembered his, then he might notice the difference.
"Honestly, I wouldn't even have considered leaving Corona ever again, I was so ready to give up those dreams." She could feel her shoulders shake as she exhaled deeply before finally turning to face him again.
Eugene was watching her every movement intently, brows furrowed in what appeared to be either guilt or sadness over her words. Rapunzel noticed the very instant in which his eyes traveled from her face down her body as if inspecting for any injury she might have been hiding behind her cloak, and lingered a second longer over her middle. He made no comment over it though, perhaps believing the change was just Rapunzel having put on some extra pounds.
"What changed your mind then?" His eyes settled back on hers, questioning. "The Stabbingtons?"
"No." Rapunzel replied with a soft shake of her head. "No, they were just the stepping stone. I don't think I would've dared to leave again, if it weren't for the fact that I'm…"
Rapunzel lost her nerve and faltered at the last second, ending her sentence with a pathetic murmur that she wasn't even sure had been intelligible. Sure enough, Eugene drew closer, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Pregnant, I'm pregnant! That's what I've been trying to tell you." She finally blurted, perhaps a bit more forcefully than absolutely necessary. "I-I'm… we are going to have a baby."
It was like anticipating thunder amidst a lightning storm, she could only wait as Eugene processed the news and hope that he might not take it as badly as her nightmares might suggest. Eugene's face remained impassive for a few agonizing seconds that felt like a lifetime, his faze frozen in the same puzzled expression he'd worn seconds before Rapunzel revealed her rather inconvenient condition. For a moment she thought he might not have heard her correctly, but then she watched with bated breath as he blinked his bewilderment away, his lips parting as his breath hitched.
If Rapunzel didn't know any better, she might have sworn she witnessed him go through all the stages of grief in the span of a few moments. His face paled considerably, and his eyes traveled from her face to her belly and back up, the pieces finally clicking into place in his mind. Once upon a time, Eugene had been difficult to read, shrouded to her eyes, but now she could see his every emotion displayed on his face as clear as water.
The shock was there of course, but that had been expected. In fact, Rapunzel had been prepared for the worst; disappointment, pity, perhaps even anger. But what she had not expected to see from him was anguish and fear. She could see the trepidation slowly clouding his brown eyes as he looked at her in a way that reminded her very much of the time she had showed him her magical hair for the first time. In fact, his reaction was turning out to be quite similar to the one he'd had that day, but when the only sound that came out of his mouth was a choked croak, she realized this was much worse. At least back then he had been ready to scream.
"Eugene?" Rapunzel wrung her hands together to keep herself from reaching out to him. "Please say something."
Anything. Whatever he might say would be better than this torturous silence.
"Fuck."
Well that was not exactly ideal. Rapunzel bit her lip, watching silently as Eugene dragged a hand through his face, covering his mouth as if that might contain whatever sound was trying to claw its way out of his throat. He paced the bedroom, finally coming to rest before the small bed and sagging into the mattress as his hands ran through his hair, head hung and shoulders hunched in silent defeat.
"Eugene?"
Rapunzel was at a loss. She had been prepared for words. This, she did not know what to do with. She tried to blink away the tears that stubbornly clung to her lashes. Disappointment should already be a well known companion to her by now, but his silence still cut a deep wound into her bruised heart. Then, after some agonizing moments in which she tried to fight back sniffles, he finally spoke.
"Rapunzel I'm… I'm so sorry." His voice was rough with something she couldn't quite recognize. It would be easier if he at the very least had the decency to face her, but his head remained turned downwards.
"You're… sorry?" She prompted, taking a cautious step closer to him.
"I should've never— if I hadn't…" Eugene shook his head, the heels of his palms pressing against his eyes. "You had to leave everything behind, your family, your home, your throne… all because I couldn't keep my hands to myself… hell, Rapunzel I might as well have ruined your life."
"Eugene, no!"
For some reason, Rapunzel had the absurd impulse to wrap her arms around him. He looked uncharacteristically fragile, curled in on himself as he was now, and some instinct inside her begged her to comfort him. But she settled for kneeling before him, craning her neck to look up at where he sat on the bed, searching for his gaze.
"I don't think this ruined my life." She continued, voice soft. "Sure, it's not even remotely ideal, and I wish this could've happened way down the line, once I was ready. But I don't resent this baby, not for one second."
His hands, however, remained stubbornly pressed against his face despite her words, hiding him from view. Rapunzel wouldn't have this.
"Besides, you didn't force me into anything I didn't want that night." She pressed on, trying to lighten her voice into something almost teasing. "I was as much of a willing participant as you were, in fact I think I actually asked for it if I remember correctly."
That did cause a reaction, his shoulders shook slightly in what she hoped was a silent laugh, and he finally looked down at her. When her gaze met his, though, she wasn't quite sure he had been laughing at all anymore. His eyes were red-rimmed, like he was…
"Are you crying?"
"No, I'm not." Eugene sniffed, clearing his throat in a self conscious way. "The room is dusty, is all."
Rapunzel raised a disbelieving eyebrow, and she found the ache in her heart had been replaced with a tender warmth she hadn't felt in such a long time. She had never seen Eugene look quite so worked up, so vulnerable as he very evidently tried to blink back the tears that sprang to his eyes. She was overcome with the urge to kiss his anguish away. She tried for reassurance instead.
"It's okay." She whispered, eyes soft and lips quirking into the faintest of smiles. "I cried the day I found out too."
"And you went through it all on your own, and it was all my fault." Eugene grimaced, pinching the bridge of his nose. "God, I'm such an idiot."
"Yes you are, sometimes." Rapunzel said, half teasing, half serious. Then it occurred to her that she still wasn't sure how he truly felt about it all, and the faint smile vanished from her face.
"I have to ask though, Eugene… are those good tears or bad tears?"
She wasn't sure how to ask what she wanted and she wasn't sure either if she really wanted to know. Eugene remained silent for a few moments, considering his answer.
"I… I don't know." He sighed.
Rapunzel felt her heart clench. She supposed she couldn't blame him, the day she found out she was pregnant she hadn't exactly cried tears of joy. And it's not like she had expected him to be ecstatic over the news considering their very complicated situation. Still the anxiety in her chest didn't ease one bit at his words.
"You know," she continued, rising to her feet once more. "I didn't come here to force you into anything, Eugene. I just thought you ought to know. I can do this on my own, and I wouldn't be entirely alone, I have Cassandra and Pascal…"
She knew it wasn't much but it was something. This baby would have love and support and a family, however small it would be. Even without their father, her baby would want for nothing, Rapunzel would make sure of that herself. And eventually, Rapunzel hoped she would have her parents in her life too, even if she could never go back to Corona as their heir. Perhaps she would return as just their wayward, disgraced daughter, but she'd like to believe they wouldn't turn their backs on her or the baby even then. She suppressed the thought, willing her mind to stay in the present.
"What I'm trying to say is, I don't want you to stay out of obligation, or guilt or pity." She continued. "You owe me nothing. And if you don't want anything to do with me, with us… then I understand, and I promise to never bother you again. But if that's your decision… I think it would be better then if we parted ways forever."
The last part made his head snap up, eyes traveling back to her, wide and upset, like he couldn't quite believe she would suggest that. But she wasn't going to back down. He was either committed to this all the way, or not at all, Rapunzel wouldn't do this in halves. She had waited long enough, had torn herself inside out for him, had suffered a pain so great she'd felt it to her very marrow, the aftermath of his betrayal so devastating it had left her numb for days and then agonizing for weeks. She wouldn't put herself through that again, and more importantly, she wouldn't put her baby through that either.
When his only answer was a single tear escaping his eyes, wordless and fleeting, and his gaze left her face in quiet defeat, Rapunzel thought he'd made his choice pretty clear. She bit her lips, trying to swallow back a choked sob. She wouldn't break in front of him, however much it killed her. She would wait to fall apart in the privacy of her own room, and perhaps let Cassandra berate her with a very well deserved 'I told you so', but for now, she still had a modicum of dignity to salvage.
With a shaking nod, she looked at him one last time, and turned towards the door, ready to leave him and everything they'd been through behind in this stuffy, austere bedroom.
"Rapunzel, wait."
His voice was a strangled whisper. She felt a hand wrap around her wrist, gentle but firm enough to stop her in her tracks. His fingers rested just over her pulse point, warm and slightly rough, and the single contact sent a spark right to her chest, so sudden and devastating she found herself suppressing a shiver. Eugene hadn't touched Rapunzel once, not since he'd left her in that tiny room at a dressmaker's shop, promising he'd be right back. Not since he'd broken that promise and along with it her heart. A thousand memories of the time she'd spent with him flashed before her eyes, bittersweet and almost heartbreaking now that she knew how it all had ended between them. She would've sank to her knees, overwhelmed, if her legs had been more treacherous.
Eugene gave a gentle tug at her arm, prompting her to turn back to him. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed, his usually playful and confident brown eyes were full of contrition.
"It's not that I don't want you, or the baby, it's just…" he raked his other hand through his hair, trying to find the words he needed. "I have nothing to give you, nothing at all. I'm a wanted thief, for crying out loud, I have absolutely nothing to my name. I don't even have a legitimate name to give to our child!"
His hand rested once again over his face, and only now Rapunzel realised it was more to hide his shame rather than any dismay he might have over the news.
"How could I raise a child, how could I ever be a good example, having led the life that I've led? Shit, I don't even have a good reference of a father figure to look up to." His hold on her wrist tightened just a fraction of a second before it went slack, like he had resigned himself to let her go. He wasn't really looking at her anymore, eyebrows drawn together as if he was trying to hold back his pain.
Rapunzel suddenly had the sinking feeling that she knew what he would say. She knew what it felt like to not feel worthy, to feel inadequate and inferior and utterly unfit to fulfil a role so much grander than yourself, a responsibility thrust upon you for which you could never be ready or deserve. She'd experienced that her entire life, she'd tried to run away too. She'd given it up thinking it would be best for everyone involved. He would do the same if he thought it would be the best option.
"You deserve so much better than me, you both do."
His voice was heavy with defeat and remorse, and Rapunzel had never seen this side of him, despite the many masks and walls he'd let down for her eyes before. Eugene was always so confident, carrying a self-assuredness that bordered sometimes on arrogance. This was him at his most vulnerable, letting her see past his charm and wit to the broken boy he once had been, full of insecurities over who he was and self-loathing over who he'd let himself become. Rapunzel wished she could trust her heart enough to follow her instincts, to let her hand run softly across his face in a sweet caress, lift his chin up and lead his eyes back to hers. To let him see what she once had seen in him, back when she'd had such a blind faith in him. The young woman she'd been back then was mostly gone now, after everything that had happened, but her soul still longed for him, however much she'd had berated herself over it.
"Eugene, don't say that." Rapunzel willed her voice into a soft murmur, hoping it could carry the comfort her touch could still not give. "I've never cared about what you can or cannot give me in a material sense, you should know that by now."
The statement still held true now, after everything. She would never demand anything of him but his unconditional love for their baby, if not for herself. Eugene must have seen the sincerity in her eyes, for his face softened a bit, letting a hint of fear show.
"I just— I don't know how to do this."
"I don't know how to do this either." Rapunzel admitted, taking a hesitant step closer to him. "And I don't think anyone is truly ever ready to become a parent, anyway. But if you want to, if you care at all… we can learn how to do this together."
She watched silently, holding her breath as Eugene let her words sink in. He still looked uncertain, but there was also relief in his eyes, like he was only now convincing himself she actually wanted him there, that she was giving him a chance, a chance to make it up to her, to right his wrongs. To stay with her, with them. She hoped he also knew this would be the last and only chance left. She would not wait forever, would not waste her life away wishing he'd made the right call. But she could wait now for his answer.
His brown eyes traveled from her face down to her belly, and finally stayed there. There was something hidden behind his slight apprehension, something far softer just budding beneath the sharp edges of his doubt. Something like hope. His loose fingers left her wrist, and he curled them around nothing in a nervous gesture before his hands reached out to her.
"Can I…?" He asked, soft and tentative, and Rapunzel wasn't sure what he wanted exactly but she found herself nodding after a second of doubt.
At first she thought he would touch her stomach, seeking evidence of the tiny life developing within her, but his hands reached beyond her belly, curling around her waist and bringing her closer to him. His forehead came to rest just below her chest, closer to her midriff, and his arms tightened around her in a soft embrace as he buried his face in the fabric of her dress.
Rapunzel stood frozen on the spot, eyes wide and muscles tensing beneath his gentle touch.
"Forgive me, Rapunzel." Eugene's voice was muffled, but his shaking shoulders were evidence enough of his emotional state. "I promise, Blondie, I will stay with you every step of the way. I'll never leave again, I swear."
It was heartbreaking as much as it was relieving to hear those words leave his lips. She'd waited such a long time, had left a light up in hope that this would be his answer. But the doubts remained, as irking and painful as thorns digging into her flesh. The wound he'd left in her had cut so deep that it would take time for it to heal, and even then perhaps the scars would remain to remind her of the pain. It was all so fresh, she didn't even know how to react to it.
"I… I don't know if I can believe you, Eugene." Rapunzel uttered in a broken whisper.
She felt him heave a deep breath before he gave a small nod, his arms leaving her body as suddenly as they had held her. Rapunzel didn't want to admit she felt cold without his warmth.
"I don't blame you at all." Eugene sighed, rising to his feet again, now looking down at her. "Then… it's up to me to prove it to you."
He held her gaze, firm and resolute, and even though the ache remained —however dull and distant— Rapunzel felt the weight in her chest ease up a bit at his reassurance. Would she be an utter fool to trust his word again?
"I will do my best, Rapunzel. And I will do everything in my hands to protect you both, always. I promise." Eugene said, fierce determination lacing his every word. Rapunzel thought she would risk being a fool again if only to make herself believe him for a second. She could have almost smiled if the circumstances had been different. She could only nod hesitantly in response, though.
They held each other's gaze in a silent vow, the energy between them charged with something Rapunzel couldn't quite explain but she felt drawn, like there was an invisible string pulling her closer to him. And as much as she tried to fight it, she wished and hoped and yearned for his touch, however fleeting and small. His intense stare hypnotised her as much as it had done those days she'd spent with him in Cygnus trying to fight her growing feelings for him. It wouldn't do, not now, not when there was still so much that needed to be said and done. Forgiving she could do easily, but forgetting her absolute pain and sorrow… that would take time and effort from them both. And time was something she didn't have right now, so late into the evening. With a heavy sigh, Rapunzel forced her eyes away from his, taking a step towards the door.
"I-I should go back. It's late… Cassandra will be worried." She said in a lame excuse, trying not to let her heart squeeze at his disappointed look.
Eugene nodded nonetheless in understanding. Rapunzel turned, crossing the distance between the bed and the door in quick steps and trying not to look like she was fleeing. When her fingers curled around the door handle, however, his voice stopped her.
"Rapunzel…"
"Yes?"
She willed the air to leave her lungs in an even breath that didn't seem like a startled gasp. When she turned to face him once more, Eugene was closer to her, as though he had hurriedly walked towards the door in an attempt to catch up to her before she left. His face was torn, and Rapunzel could see the conflict in his warm, brown irises. Perhaps he would ask her to stay. Perhaps she would have to decline.
She wished he wouldn't, she wished he could see it in her eyes, all the things she couldn't speak but where simmering just beneath the surface; I'm still hurting, and it still kills me to remember, and I don't know if I can bear your touch without breaking down right now. I still don't know how to forget what you did and it will take time. I still want you but I'm scared of dreaming again.
But it had been a long time since words had stopped being necessary between them. He must have seen something in her gaze that made him falter, made the spark in his eyes diminish a little, and he nodded his goodbye with a somewhat disappointed murmur.
"Goodnight, Blondie."
"Goodnight, Eugene."
Nothing more was said before she left. But this time, when she closed the door behind her after stepping into the hallway, for the first time in forever she felt like she could breathe easily again. Every gulp of fresh air stung, but it was a step closer to healing. It ignited something that she'd thought had died within her a few months ago. Something like the barest, faintest beginnings of hope.
*Big sigh* I wish I could say there's nothing but them working to their happy ending now and that we finally left the angst behind, but… you all know there's still one very important scene missing here and it's slowly but surely approaching…
Anyway! I hope you liked this and if you did don't forget to drop a review on your way out! We are so close to the end, and I would appreciate some support to give me inspiration to finish! Love you all and until next chapter!