CHAPTER 19: THE STATUS QUO CLICHÉ
THE STATUS QUO CLICHÉ: Team Rocket will never stop following Ash or trying to steal Pikachu, and Pikachu will never evolve into a Raichu. Each episode resets its starting point with a consistency that would make the Groundhog Day crew turn green with envy. No matter how many times, in the comics, Steve Rogers gives his vibranium shield and his title away, he always gets them back. But just when we're tempted to throw up our hands, torn between the comfort of returning to home base and the frustration that the more things change the more they stay the same, it's a good idea to take a step back and wonder if that's true. Steve Rogers might not be able to move on from being Captain America, but Stever Rogers, the man, has grown and changed with the times. And James Bond might have kept the same number and license to kill for over 60 years, but Sean Connery's 1960's suave Bond is a far cry from Daniel Craig's world-weary spy.
MORAL: Sometimes the hardest part of maintaining the status quo is determining what it is.
Kaiba woke up first as usual, happy that, once again, there was an "as usual" between him and Atem. He sat up and immediately wanted to flop back in bed, or better yet, wake Atem up. He wanted to take the day off and celebrate for as long as this feeling lasted. He ran through his day's schedule. He had a morning meeting with his design team. They'd finished implementing his updates on the new Duel Disk, the system he'd designed with Atem in mind. The thought of testing it out, of almost being ready to duel Atem and celebrate their rivalry, got him out of bed.
Kaiba took a step forward, then glanced back at Atem. With his spiky hair and the way he was curled into his pillow, Atem resembled a sleepy hedgehog. There was a damp spot on the pillow where he'd drooled during the night. Kaiba smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, not quite ready to leave.
His desires had always run in sync like train cars following each other on a single track… taking over Kaiba Corporation, rebuilding it, winning, gaining power, earning the right to safety, providing for Mokuba. Atem was an outlier. And yet, he couldn't be dismissed as just another irrelevant anomaly.
Kaiba reviewed the rest of his day. All he had planned for the afternoon were boring meetings with Legal and Marketing. Mokuba could attend those in his place. His brother would be thrilled to get out of school. Kaiba grinned to himself. Was this what was known as a compromise?
Kaiba showered and got dressed. He debated between texting or waking Atem up. He had no idea if Atem fell back asleep easily or even when he usually woke up. Was this another thing he was supposed to let come to him as though knowledge just wafted in on the morning breeze? Kaiba scowled and shook Atem's shoulder.
"I'm taking Mokuba to school and heading for work. I'll be home in the afternoon. Think about what you want to do when I get back."
"Huh?" Atem said, trying and failing to focus on Kaiba's face.
Kaiba rolled his eyes. "I'll text you."
Atem mumbled something that might have been "Uh huh," before dropping his head back on his pillow.
Kaiba headed down to breakfast. He still wanted his dragon bowl back; the need was less pressing now that he had Atem. Kaiba wondered if his father really would have shown up to his baseball games. After his mother had died, his father had silently cycled through the motions of daily living. It had been a performance for an audience of two. He'd already joined her and was waiting for his body to catch up. Kaiba frowned, wondering if that, too, had been a choice. He stared into his coffee cup. Kaiba hadn't thought of his parents in years. Now, stray memories kept surfacing, as if limbo had broken the seal on an underwater locker, allowing them to escape.
Mokuba joined him at the table. A maid brought his food. Kaiba expected a barrage of questions, but Mokuba was busy wolfing down his breakfast. Kaiba breathed a sigh of relief. He cleared his throat. "I emailed your school. You can cut out early to attend the marketing and legal meetings in my place. I'll send a limo to pick you up." He took out his phone. "I'm emailing you the agenda and relevant documents."
Mokuba's eyes narrowed. He grinned. "Make it the whole day off and you have a deal."
Kaiba grunted appreciatively. "Done." He pushed his empty coffee cup aside and stood up. "I'll see you tonight."
Mokuba got up and hugged Kaiba goodbye. Before Kaiba had recovered from his surprise, Mokuba asked, "Is he still here?"
Kaiba nodded, unsure what to say.
"It's okay," Mokuba mumbled. "As long as you're happy."
Kaiba nodded again and left.
He arrived at work and called for Isono. Kaiba went over the changes to his schedule. "I'll be leaving after the R&D meeting for the day. I'll drive myself home. You and Mokuba can handle things in my absence."
"Very good, sir," Isono replied a little too promptly.
Kaiba's eyes narrowed. He studied Isono. Was Isono trying to be encouraging, as if Kaiba was a toddler who needed to be coddled when walking proved too difficult? What exactly did Isono think was "very good?" That Kaiba was taking time off? That Atem was back to take time off with?
Kaiba frowned. Had limbo melded him and Atem? Or had the connection always been there, towing cable strong, and limbo had merely made it visible? Kaiba grunted. He would never have tolerated a stupid majordomo. It was inevitable that Isono would add 1 plus 1 and arrive at 2.
"The project to recreate an ancient beer recipe is proceeding satisfactorily," Isono continued. "You should have a finished product soon. We're in the fermentation stage. Agitation is necessary to achieve the results desired."
Kaiba pressed his lips together as he considered Isono's words. Their fight had been unplanned. Had it achieved desired results, anyway? Waking up to Atem had certainly felt like winning. But did the quiet euphoria of the morning carry the seeds of its own destruction, like Sacrifice's Blast hidden within a duel monster, waiting for the proper moment to detonate? Kaiba shuddered. Happiness had always been a prelude, as fragile as one of limbo's flowers, disintegrating as he reached out to shape it.
Kaiba stood up. He crossed his arms and glared into space. "Yes," he said defiantly. "It's all very good."
Atem woke up alone. He reached out to Kaiba's side of the bed. It was cool. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He vaguely remembered Kaiba saying something about something; it might have been a dream. Atem reached for his phone and read Kaiba's message. Another day, another decision.
Broad sunlight streamed into the empty room. Kaiba's stained glass Blue Eyes White Dragon windows threw shards of blue and gold forward where they joined the muted geometric design of the rug, forming new patterns. Atem walked across the rug to the bathroom, letting the colors wash over his feet, as if he was a part of the design.
Atem glanced around. His gaze followed Kaiba's philodendron on its journey across the tops of the windows and around the rest of the wall, then lingered on the plants growing all around him, on the fanciful dragons guarding them.
It was a curious room: sparse yet full of life; the furniture minimalist to the point of anonymity, the decor intensely personal. The room was a contradiction that came together like the pieces of a puzzle – and threatened to fly apart as easily.
Atem was enchanted and outraged by Kaiba, sometimes in equal measure. Kaiba railed against fate, and then followed his own self-imposed destiny as devotedly as any priest, never seeing the contradiction simply because his deities were named self-determination and will. Kaiba judged every mistake an unforgivable sin, and then crafted a room to soothe their nightmares.
Atem smiled. Kaiba was a book written in invisible ink, needing fire to bring the citrus-sharp words to life.
Atem showered, wondering if it was possible to wash away last night's nightmare, this week's fight. Nothing had changed since the night he'd left. He was still torn by his own indecision, no matter how much he insisted uncertainty was part of the life he wanted to experience. Maybe that was what the ravenous pit from his nightmare had been… the fear of being eaten alive by his own doubts until nothing remained. If so, he was destined for more interrupted nights.
And yet, despite everything, he felt better, as if the light streaming in through Kaiba's windows had illuminated him, warding off the dark and empty abyss from his nightmare, as if, in reclaiming Kaiba the night before, he'd recovered a piece of himself as well.
Atem went to his closet and pulled out a tunic in watercolor shades of yellow, orange and green. The gold toggle closures ran from his collarbone to the middle of his chest, allowing the silk to swirl from midriff to mid-thigh. He added a russet pair of leggings, until he resembled the yellow and orange flowers that had bloomed in limbo in those moments when optimism and hope had ruled. Atem smiled. He might not know what the future held, but at least he could tell Kaiba where they were going next.
Atem left the room in search of food. He met Mokuba in the hallway. Atem blinked. Mokuba was in a normal, conservative light gray suit. He was wearing it over his T-shirt with the cartoon Blue Eyes White Dragon sporting a yellow hard hat. "Trying out a new look?" Atem asked.
"I'm heading out to Kaiba Corporation to sit in on a couple of meetings for my brother. The limo's outside."
"You'd rather go to business meetings than be at school with your friends?" Atem asked, trying to figure out why everyone seemed to hate school so much.
"Duh. Especially the marketing meeting." Mokuba pointed to the dragon on his shirt. "He's about to become one of our official mascots."
Atem chuckled as they started down the stairs.
"I suppose this means that everything's fine now?" Mokuba asked, glancing sideways at Atem.
Atem paused for a moment before answering. "We care about each other, but I'm not sure either of us knows what 'fine' looks like." Atem sighed. "We'll just have to stumble towards it together."
"Neither one of you has ever stumbled over anything in your lives. You're both always totally sure of what you're doing, even when you're wrong."
"I guess we're making up for lost time then."
Mokuba grunted. They walked to the front door in silence. Mokuba turned to Atem and drew in a breath. "You're a good guy. I wish I could like you just for you but I can't, not as long as you're this important to my brother."
Atem nodded. "I understand."
Mokuba continued as though Atem had argued the point. "You know my agenda. I've been upfront about it since Day 1."
Atem nodded again.
Mokuba shrugged. "My brother looked happy this morning."
"I'm glad."
Mokuba's head jerked in an awkward acknowledgement. He shrugged again. "Oh well, time to go make the Legal department's lives miserable." He grinned and marched out of the house.
Atem shook his head, grinning as well, then went in search of his belated breakfast.
Yugi waited until lunchtime, when they were all eating on the school roof to let everyone know Atem had left Kaiba and then returned. He shook his head when he finished repeating everything Atem had said. "I don't get it. He was fine coming back to school with us. Then he has a fight with Kaiba and – poof – all of a sudden, he doesn't want to go. I told him that he knew best, because I wanted to be a good friend, but I'm worried. What if he doesn't?"
"He's fine when he's with us," Honda noted.
"It's like Kaiba's turning him into someone else!" Jounouchi exclaimed.
"Maybe this is who Atem is," Anzu said. Everyone stared at her. She frowned and then stood up, stiffening her spine. "He's been through some crazy experience none of us even understand. He's his own person with his own body now. Of course, he has stuff to figure out. Maybe we need to accept that – including the Kaiba parts." She shrugged. "Maybe he really doesn't want to go to high school. We can't wait to get out."
Yugi stood up as well. "I was ready to let him go to the after-life. I told myself I was supporting him, but I could see how hard he was fighting, how much he wanted to live. We never even talked about it. Atem told me last night that good friends challenge each other and they don't give up just because the other person gets mad."
Anzu wondered if Atem would think she was a bad friend too. She couldn't argue, not when Yugi was looking more confident than he had at any time since they'd all come home from Egypt.
Yugi raised his chin, hips thrust slightly forward in an unconscious imitation of Atem's dueling stance. "I let Atem down once. I'm not making that mistake again. This time, I'm going to be the friend he deserved."
As if underscoring Yugi's words, the bell rang, summoning them back to class.
Kaiba raced home after his meeting. Atem was in the foyer, swathed in golds and greens, a newly christened forest god. Kaiba wondered if the breathless feeling would ever go away.
"Where are we going?" Kaiba asked.
"Are you asking about our plans for today or the rest of our lives?"
"Whichever."
"I want to go to the Domino Botanic Gardens."
"Didn't you see enough flowers in limbo?" Kaiba quizzed.
"These are real."
Kaiba grunted. "Point taken."
"Besides, I've seen your bedroom, you can't pretend you don't like plants, not when your philodendron is threatening to take over the world."
Kaiba threw back his head and laughed. "I must be feeding it right, then."
They raced off to the Domino Botanic Gardens in Kaiba's draconic sports car. Golden larches framed the walkway as they entered. They headed up a winding path to the visitor center. Kaiba wouldn't have chosen a botanic garden, preferring his plants in pots where he could monitor their growth, but he appreciated the architecture of the visitor center. The curve of the building followed the sweep of the walkway; its large windows reflected the greens and dashes of color from the plants and flowers. The white, unadorned columns added a needed break from the lushness of their surroundings.
Kaiba would have been content – a strange, new word – to wander around, but Atem wanted flowers. It was, Kaiba thought proudly, another compromise. They entered the visitor center.
Kaiba headed for a display at the far end. Atem strolled through the room. He would have been content to roam through the gardens, but Kaiba, as goal oriented as ever, had been set on finding flowers as quickly as possible, as though they were in an imaginary competition with all the other visitors to see them first.
"Atem! Quick! Come here!" Kaiba yelled.
The panic in Kaiba's voice brought Atem at a run. He halted next to Kaiba, who was staring in horror at a set of panels on the wall showing when each flower in the gardens would bloom and listing their symbolism across different countries and times.
"Look! Kaiba said, pointing to the legend under each flower. "Each of those damn flowers means something!"
"What?" Atem asked, staring at Kaiba instead of at the panels.
"These flowers were in limbo too! Remember those white flowers with the dried-blood purple leaves when we fought after we got out of Death-T? They're real. Here they are." He pointed to June on the calendar. "Oxalis. Now read what they symbolize: pangs of regret." Kaiba groaned. "How did I look at white chrysanthemums and not recognize them? I've seen enough of them in my lifetime, starting with my mother's funeral."
"They greeted us when we returned after you died on Pegasus' tower. Even the skies seemed to weep lavender tears."
"Those small white flowers that showed up right after you were called to the after-life. They grow on the graves of kings. I felt so guilty. And then as we talked, white tulips appeared."
"Forgiveness, remembrance, sincerity," Atem read.
Kaiba scanned the panels, reading off every time he'd felt hopeful, every time a flower symbolizing determination, optimism or the future had appeared.
Atem went back to June's flowers. "Remember the world where I'd never been sealed in the Puzzle, where I'd lived and died a pharaoh? It was the first time I realized I wanted something more. I wanted to live. We came back to limbo to find canna lilies." Atem read the inscription. "Rebirth, hope and faith in the future."
Kaiba shut his eyes and opened them as if doing so would reboot the wall, erasing the data. It didn't work. "I certainly never bothered learning a bunch of obscure languages involving flowers. How could the interaction between our Duel Disks and limbo have pulled information from my mind that I never had?"
Atem shook his head. "I don't know. How could my ancient gods have known of a modern list of symbolism for flowers that never existed in their world?"
They stared at each other. Atem recovered first. "I guess there are some things that neither religion nor magic…"
"Or even technology…" Kaiba added.
"Can explain," they concluded together.
.
Thanks to Bnomiko for betaing this chapter.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am a 100% sucker for the Language of Flowers, or rather, languages because the meanings people have attached to flowers changes from time period to time period and country to country. I wanted flowers that both looked right to work with the scene and also had an appropriate meaning. I leaned heavily on the Victorian Language of Flowers because they had the most negative meanings and throughout limbo there were times when the characters were angry or doubtful or desperate and I wanted the flowers to represent those things. I used white chrysanthemums which symbolize mourning in Japan, because so much of Kaiba's early life has been marked by loss. And I couldn't resist borrowing from "The Lord of the Rings." The flowers they find when they return to limbo from the world where Atem returns to the after-life are Simbelmynë, which grow on the graves of the kings of Rohan.
If anyone's interested, here is a chapter breakdown of limbo's flowers.
CHAPTER 1
Oxalis: Pangs of regret
CHAPTER 2
Amaranth: Immortality
Cypress flowers: Death, mourning, despair, sorrow
CHAPTER 3
White chrysanthemum: Death, mourning
Yellow (Celandine) Woodland Poppy: Joys to come, optimism
CHAPTER 4
Dandelions: Overcoming hardship, same meaning for yellow flowers and white spores
CHAPTER 5
Camellia: You are adorable
Canna (or Canna Lily): Rebirth/renewal, hope, optimism, faith
CHAPTER 6
Lavender: Peace
CHAPTER 7
Pink chrysanthemum: Romance, joy, love, longevity in love (good choice for a first date)
CHAPTER 8
Ivy with Simbelmynë: grows on the graves of the kings of Rohan
White tulip: Forgiveness, remembrance, worthiness, sincerity
CHAPTER 9
Red orchid: Fire, romance, desire, passion
CHAPTER 10
Foxglove: Insecurity
Orange tulip: Understanding, appreciation
CHAPTER 11
Purple orchid: Respect, royalty and admiration
Red rose: True love
Amaryllis: Love, beauty, and determination; can also represent hope and achievement.
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