Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Eleven: A New Semester

I withdrew my hand. Fuck.

What excuse could I give? I had lied in that pool to Kelly but I had also lied to Brenda for months, I was telling the truth now. I had strived to be honest with her since the park but even then it wasn't till that phone call from France that I admitted the mistake I had made that February, that summer. After a year of lying though she had stopped believing me. For her to find out the words I had used to Kelly, the heresy, I was without a defence. It wasn't enough I ran away I had undermined our whole relationship in the process, I had undermined her place in my life. I knew any progress I had made this last week was lost, Kelly in that bathroom had destroyed it and had most likely destroyed the last six months as well.

Bren had been sitting on this for two days, had listened to me tell her of my great love for her over the phone, and all the while I imagine repeating those words in her head, trying to figure out if Kelly had lied to her in that room or was I the liar. I wouldn't make my deceit worse, I wouldn't claim I hadn't said it. A week ago I knew the only way to get her back was absolute honesty, this is what that looked like, her devastated and me, well devastated too.

At eleven I got out of bed and picked up my sleeping son and brought him to her. She had been restless in her sleep all evening. When I gently woke her she seemed relieved for the escape from her subconscious. We didn't speak but we performed our parenting duties naturally. By the time I was laying Art back in his crib she was back into her restless slumber. His next feed followed a similar pattern though I had managed to fall asleep for a few hours. My subconscious took pity on me, giving me dreams of blood banks, dancing in Baja, and Spring Dance hotel rooms, it was a reprieve from that desolate feeling that had arisen again when she denied me even the opportunity to comfort her. She hadn't denied me like that before.

The alarm went off even before Art was awake, she turned it off and got out of bed. I moved quickly to join her, getting the coffee switched on while she got Erica up and sorted for school. When my sister was getting dressed Bren came out and made her lunch as I was preparing breakfast for all of us. Art woke and after Brenda had changed him she brought him out placing him into his bouncer so she could eat and then braid Erica's hair. The two chatted as normal throughout the morning, I imagine to my sister nothing seemed unusual to me though it had been silent. Brenda saw Erica off and reminded her that I would walk her into the office and be out the front for the afternoon bell, it was her way of reminding me.

When I got home the house was clean from breakfast and Art was backdown for his morning nap. Brenda had returned to bed and was reading from as far as I could tell a school book, most likely getting prepared for tomorrow. I moved into the room and sat at the end of the bed putting my head in my hands. Yesterday had been an almost perfect morning today was tinged with resentment and distrust. "Can we speak about it?"

"No."

"So what we don't speak at all?"

"Give me time to process and then I'll move past it like everything else."

"But you haven't moved past any of it."

"Dylan considering the friendship I had allowed us to develop I think I've done a pretty good job. Sorry it's not up to the standard you want." The sarcasm rang through.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well I am no longer able to figure out what you mean. I'm not sure I ever have been."

"You know that's not true."

"What I know to be true is very little when it comes to us, but what I do know is we are raising our son together, as together as two people not in a romantic relationship can be. I will get over this so that this doesn't impact that. Our son is more important than me hanging on to hurt from a relationship long since dead and buried."

I turn to face her she couldn't be serious. "You don't mean that, our relationship is not dead just from a stupid jealous rant in a bathroom."

"You're right our relationship wasn't dead from that, it was dead the moment you splashed it away in that pool, I just didn't get the death certificate till last night." She gets up. "I'm going to have a bath, when I get out try and respect the fact that I don't want to talk about this."

By the time she's out of the bath I have moved Art outside on a blanket for some tummy time and sunshine. She came and joined us to play with our son. Hating the tension between us I raise a conversation I have been wanting to have for a few day's.

"This house is not great for kids. Erica even at ten can't play outside without supervision because of the road, and while I know she won't be staying too much longer with me I'd like to have a bedroom for her if she wants to stay. Have a place she feels safe."

Bren lifted her eyes to mine and spoke with concern. "Doesn't she have that with her mum?"

"I think so but Iris thought it was strange that a ten year old would prefer the company of a stranger than going with her only parent on a trip."

"She's right."

"It's probably just returning to Iowa with all the bad memories that she wanted to avoid, but I still want my sister to have a sense of security, know she has lot's of places to feel safe. While I know Art has the Walsh backyard to run around in I would also like him to have one with me as well, and maybe even a guesthouse or a pool house for when Iris visits so she doesn't need a hotel each time. I imagine this little guy will incentives her to come more often."

"You want a big McKay family home something to build memories in." I smile I like the sound of that.

"Yes. I have lived in so many places; Estate's, penthouses, condos, more hotels than I care to admit, I'd like something more permanent, something that I won't grow out of quickly like I have done in this place. I need to discuss a budget with Jim but I was hoping you could help me look." While my dream of her living there has been slowly eroding since yesterday afternoon, until she confirms she no longer loves me I hold on to what little hope I have left, that she'll be choosing our home one for Art and our future kids.

"Sure, Art will always see your home as his as well, it would be comforting to know that it will be as safe as possible through all his growing stages."

"Thank you."

The rest of the day passes in brief but polite conversations as we take care of our son and she tries to rest as much as possible. When I arrive back to the house with an excited Erica, Cindy is just finishing up her tea and snuggling with her grandson.

Erica rushes in and gives Brenda a hug before she excitedly tells her all about her day. Cindy leaves not too long after. The rest of the afternoon and evening is spent doing homework, dinner and the kids bedtime routine. Once the house is quiet and Brenda has arranged Art's daycare bag we run over the plan for tomorrow. Drop off Erica then we will both drop off Art, we have a similar class schedules and have our shared poetry class after lunch. The timings allow Brenda to go to Art and nurse him at lunchtime before his nap but his morning feed is difficult due to her extended drama workshop. With just a standard morning lecture, I volunteer to pick Art up and bring him to her so he can nurse and still maintain his sleep schedule. She's relieved as it it is easier than her missing it and then having to express in the bathroom straight after class. Once the day is arranged she goes off to plan her outfit and I look around my home. How did I ever live here by myself? Even with how difficult the last twenty four hours has been, having Art and her here barely having left my sight was heaven.

If everyday of my life could be like Tuesday I would die a happy man.

The morning was organised chaos getting the kids and us ready. We dropped off Erica together and then took Art to the baby's room at the campus daycare. We explained our plan and they were fine with everything, they were used to having to accommodate unusual student schedules and nursing times. After class I ran into Brandon, when I explained I'd be meeting his sister on the lawn with Art he volunteered to grab us all coffees and come along to see his twin and nephew, it sounded great but I reminded him peppermint tea for Bren as she had already had her daily coffee. On the lawn outside the drama building Bren ended up meeting not only Brandon and I but Andrea as well. While Art nursed I drank my coffee and once he was full I burped him while Brenda had her tea.

Andrea finally got to hold the little sleeping McKay, which Brenda captured on the baby bags new disposable camera. When it was nearly time for class we both dropped him back at daycare and then I walked her to her woman's lecture where Andrea had saved her a seat, then headed off to my writing class. At lunch Brenda and I ate the lunches we had packed out on the lawn, not trusting the campus food to be either low in salt or preservative free. We were quiet but it was mainly due to her getting a head start on her weekly readings. When it was nearly time to feed Art she rushed off to the baby room, while I went and got her a decaf afternoon coffee and a normal one for me. We met in the doorway of our poetry class where I passed her her coffee, though as we sat down she reached over and stole mine taking a mouthful before passing it back to me. When I raised my eyebrow at the move her only response was decaf sucks. As we made our way after class to collect Art and then Erica we chatted, discussed and at times almost argued about the poems we had just covered. Bren had always loved a good intellectual debate as did I, it was something that my private life had lacked for a long time.

Once home we all played with Art before his afternoon catnap, and I then lit a fire to stop the winter chill setting in for the evening; Bren took to the couch to rest and complete class readings, while Erica sat at the coffee table completing her maths homework. By the time I had joined them with my class writing journal after having put one of Cindy's casseroles in the oven, I was convinced that I had woken up in a dream and life couldn't be this perfect. After the kids were down for the night and we had both showered, we planned out the next day in front of the dying ember's. Bren had morning class while I was off and then she had the afternoon free. After such a big day we decided that we would meet at school for Art's mid morning feed, but then he could go to daycare for a couple of extra hours this week so that she could go home to rest before another full day on Thursday. It would also give her time to herself before the girls arrived for the sorority meeting, the fucking meeting that I wasn't in a position to even raise with her let alone have her cancel.

She was finally talking to me as normal, comfortable to the point where she could steal my coffee, and while I knew now that broaching any reconciliation talk was clearly off the table until- well I didn't know, I wasn't willing to disturb our peace and risk her leaving sooner than we had planned by suggesting she cancel the meeting. I had a week with my family living altogether and I wasn't willing to risk Kelly taking any more of it away. In reality, I don't think she had anything left in the arsenal to destroy us with, unless she shared the swing set or told Brenda about the chapters I had written in senior year, trying to justify the indefensible, trying to remove the guilt I felt.

Fuck Kelly still had the power to do a lot more damage and knowing her she would enjoy doing it to Brenda. The only option I had was to tell her myself.

Dylan had grown quiet last night after we had planned out the arrangements for the kids and us for the next day. Since I had arrived back from Minnesota he hadn't been like that. When his energy began to remind me of how he was at the start of senior year I decided to call it a night, unwilling to risk letting that box crack open again. By Monday afternoon I had begun to gather those emotions together and by Tuesday morning they had been successfully shut back in the box I had made to keep them. It wasn't the first time that I wished I could make that box inside me tangible just so I could extract it and maybe store it in the garage like the other one, maybe it would help me not feel so heavy like I was constantly dragging an invisible weight. Maybe if I got rid of it I could finally relegate that part of Dylan and my relationship to history, keeping only the parenting and friendship ties.

The next morning Dylan arranged breakfast while I once again organised Erica and her lunch. Unlike the other day's it was then me dropping Erica off to school in the Porsche, the McKay men were going to enjoy a lazy morning together. Between Dylan and my class schedule we had worked out that at most Art would be in daycare less than fifteen hours a week, and most weeks in would be closer to ten. As long as Dylan and I continued working as a team our son's life would have minimal impact by me returning to full time College, it was why that box needed to be kept shut and in-tacked, it had the potential to throw off that teamwork dynamic.

Dylan and Art met me after my second drama workshop for the week out on the lawn, and after feeding him and getting him to sleep Dylan put him in his pram while I went to another lecture. Rather than meet again and do the swap off like we had planned Dylan had already put Art in at daycare for the rest of his nap and then for the duration of his American Literature class. He had convinced me last night to use that time to go home and nap myself. When I was awoken from a deep sleep by the doorbell once again I realised he was right to suggest it. The return to school had taken a lot out of me, and I had begun to fall into deep sleeps at random times.

When the doorbell rang again I quickly got up and moved to answer it.

"Hey sorry to keep you waiting I was dead asleep. Come on in." The girls came in with a peach pit box in hand and I ushered them into the living room.

Andrea gave me a sympathetic smile. "No problem we thought we had the wrong time as we couldn't see your car here."

"My car?" My mind was still half asleep.

"The one Steve drove Dylan and the kids to the hospital in. We assumed your parents got it for you."

"Oh no Andrea that's Art's car or the family car as Dylan refers to it. He's driving it as he's doing Art's pick up and drop off. I used the Porsche today to take Erica to school and to get to my morning class."

"He let's you drive the Porsche?" Donna's face is one of shock, it was well known Dylan loved that car.

I laughed finding it hilarious that we both had the same reaction. "Donna that's what I said… but he thinks the more important car is the Jeep as it holds Art and usually Erica. He's not so precious about his vintage baby anymore. Though I'm still not willing to scratch it just in case those emotions are laying dormant."

Kelly who had been quiet since arriving began to scan the room from her position at the end of the futon. "This place has changed a bit."

As I look around I guess it had, the bouncer, kids books, Erica's keyboard, toys and photos were now neatly arranged throughout the room; the change had been gradual since New Year's. "Oh yeah Erica and Art have taken over all the rooms. You should see the fridge it's covered in Erica's masterpieces, Dylan insists on putting each one up."

"On the lawn yesterday and even at the hospital you can tell he likes being a dad."

"I think he has found his calling. He adores it. Doesn't even complain about the broken sleep he has been getting since I'm staying here, though some of it's his own fault. I keep waking and finding Dylan staring at Art while he sleeps on his chest, or Dylan is letting Art co-sleep with us after his four-thirty feed which is stopping Dylan from going into a deep sleep."

"You're sleeping in the same bed?"

Before I can answer Kelly, Erica comes running through the door saying hi to the girls as she rushes to jump onto my lap. "Hey sweetheart was school good today?"

"Yes I got all my maths homework right even the really hard one. I was the only one in the class who did that."

"It's because you're a McKay genius." I roll my eyes at Dylan as he walk's in the door trying to balance way too many things.

With amusement I ask, "is the McKay the requirement for being a genius?"

"It helps." I shake my head.

"Genius, what are you trying to carry whilst holding my son and the baby bag?" Dylan brings over the squirming Art and I stand to lift him out of his arms before he drops something. He places the baby bag by my feet and then the flyers, pamphlets and brochures on the coffee table.

"I rang some realtor's this morning they pulled some potential places that we may want to consider looking at. We picked the information on our way home."

"Brenda, Dylan says I can have my own permanent room and that the house may have a swimming pool, though he'll need to teach me to swim first before I can use it."

Dylan rubs his sisters hair hearing her nervousness. "You're a McKay Sweetheart we love the water, you see Art at bath time you'll be the same."

"He might also get that from the Walsh side of the family." Dylan shakes his head and gives me a look as if he is sorry that I am so delusional.

Dylan finally acknowledges the girls and greets them.

"Brenda would it be okay if I held Art?"

"Of course." I move over and pass him to Donna.

"Oh my god he's gorgeous and he smells so good." I ignore Dylan's quiet like his mother comment.

Dylan looks at Erica, "come on sweetheart let's let Bren enjoy time with her friends, while you and I go make everyone tea, and you can tell me all about this book report you need to start writing." Erica nods at her brother and moves to grab her school bag that she dumped by the door while Dylan confirms that it will be peppermint tea all round.

Once he leaves the room Andrea whispers to us, "he really is a Dad isn't he?" I nod.

"Yeah Jim Walsh category of full on, but don't tell Dylan I said that he will hate the comparison." Andrea and Donna chuckle, the relationship between Jim and Dylan was well known around the gang.

Kelly who hadn't laughed asks with a heavy dose of judgment in her voice, "you guy's are buying a house?"

"Dylan wants a bigger place, one with a backyard for Art and more bedrooms. I'm just helping him find something that will be safe for Art as he grows."

As I'm speaking he comes in with two cups of the tea and places them in front of Kelly and Andrea who are the closest to him. "A McKay family home."

The ever inquisitive Erica who had just brought in plates and forks for the pie the girls brought asks.

"Then won't it be your home to Brenda as we are the McKay girls like Iris?"

Kelly who had just taken a sip of her tea begins to cough and then quietly says, "it's a bit hot."

Erica ignoring Kelly waits for me to respond. "Uh well with Art-"

Dylan taking pity on me kneels down to his sister height, "sweetheart of course it will be Brenda's home as well, especially as her two favourite McKay's, you and Art will have rooms there, but like you will she'll also have a home with her mum as well."

"Will she get her own room to or will she just sleep in your room with you like she does here?"

It was a strange question as she seemed put out by me having to share with Dylan, though she had appeared fine with it since Saturday. Wanting to raise the question subtly I asked, "do you want me to have my own room?"

"Well Dylan says I get to decorate my own room and I thinks it's unfair if you don't get to do the same." Oh that was adorable.

"Sweetheart if that's what you are worried about don't be. Brenda helped me set up this place. I'm sure she remembers how bad I am at decorating as she had to take me to buy lots of things for here. I'm hoping I can convince her to decorate the next house completely, except of course your room."

Her tone becomes shy, "she can help me though, right?"

"I'm sure she'd love to. Now let me get the last cups of tea and then you can help me organise your afternoon snack."

Once they leave the room Kelly comments. "Seems like your picking the house and decorating it." The acid in her voice is clear.

"I'm sure I'll be only helping him a little."

By the time Dylan had brought the other two tea's in I was already asking Donna about her radio show. As she was speaking Art began to fuss and Dylan picked him up from Donna and went and changed his diaper and then organised Erica's snack plate. A little while later as we were finishing our pieces of pie and Andrea was filling us all in on Jesse, he brought Art back to me along with my nursing cover, giving me a questioning look not sure if it was needed with the girls. His confused face had me smiling at him as I took our son and reached under my crop top undoing the bra. I managed to successfully have him latched on without anyone seeing anything. Though when Dylan laughed and applauded my skill our son as usual tried to seek out his father the noise maker but as normal without relinquishing his hold on me.

Dylan quickly comes over behind my shoulder and lifts my shirt slightly to see Art's eyes. "Buddy I'm here but please be gentle with mummy." After a minute Art stops holding his dad's eyes, closing them instead to focus on the job at hand. Dylan lowers my shirt slightly again, I give him the same exasperated look that I had given him yesterday when he had done the same thing. He leans down and kisses my head in an apology and then walks away with his hands up in surrender. One of these day's he was going to cause Art to turn completely, I couldn't even imagine the pain that would cause.

The girls who had been quiet during the scene finally speak, Andrea getting straight to the point, "it's great that Dylan so in-tuned and comfortable with you nursing."

"He has wanted to be involved in every aspect of Art's care from the first moment he knew and with me still on very light duties it's been really helpful. He's doing the bulk of the nightly routine just bringing me Art for his dream feed and his four-thirty feed, and taking care of the rest." I was close to telling them that due to my exhaustion I had fallen asleep during last nights dream feed and how he had managed to take care of our son and then redo my top as I stayed asleep; the only evidence that it had occurred being a full breast when I woke for his next feed as I hadn't swapped him over. Though there was something about that moment that told me to hold it just for Dylan and I. That it spoke volumes about the depth of our connection, that a man I didn't trust with my heart I had absolute trust in him to be there for me as Art's dad and even as my friend.

I swap Art over managing once again to hide everything as Donna ask's, "is nursing painful?"

"Only when he tries to pull me in the wrong direction and that's usually Dylan's fault but no the act is not painful, though if I go longer than a few hours without feeding him then it's uncomfortable."

"Aren't you tired from not having slept a full night in months?"

"Yesterday's full day on campus left me exhausted I'm supposed to be still taking it easy but getting up in the middle of the night is not usually too difficult Donna."

"I'm surprised you are there at all this week. I mean you're body went through a full on ordeal. It must have felt like you had run a marathon when you woke up." Andrea obviously had been reading about what my body had gone through.

"It did, and still does at times."

Andrea's concern is clear, "should you be up and doing so much?"

"My Doctor wanted bed rest for most of the week…" Dylan chooses that moment to come back in and hears that new piece of news. He glares at me as he comes to collect his son for burping, but he doesn't say a word before walking back out rubbing our son on the back. No one says a word for a minute his shift in mood clear.

Donna finally whispers, "he didn't know?"

"No." I sigh and rub my hands through my hair, shit he was going to think the worse. "It was an impractical request which my Doctor acknowledged wouldn't work with a three month old or a ten year old. I didn't see the point in telling the family as it wasn't achievable, well I wasn't willing to make it achievable." I sigh and decide to open up about some of the challenges I had been dealing with over the majority of the last year. "Honestly, it's been going on a long time I can't keep putting my life or Art's on hold. Since February my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't eat not that I knew it then, it left me exhausted and so anxious that I could lose him. Then I finally start to put on some weight thanks to Steve finding a protein shake brand that I could actually keep down giving me energy and some peace of mind that we might be okay. Even with the ongoing nausea I began to engage in life a little more, it was nice being able to dive into College life during summer school. That lasted a few weeks before my blood pressure started to rise." I pause and try and contain my frustration. "After that I was on light duties, and then bed rest for nearly three months and then a few more weeks when Art was born. Up until I moved back thirteen days ago, I was still required to take it easy, essentially on house arrest. I'm over it."

"Well as long as you are over it." I look up to a mad as hell Dylan, he keeps his tone sarcastically cool. "Our son is down, I'm giving that self-soothing technique another go as he did well with it in daycare and at this morning's nap time. Do you ladies need anything before I start helping Erica with her book report? Bren should I run and get some fries with plenty of salt or maybe one of those frozen burritos that are just full of preservatives? I mean you are over it right may as well go big." He hadn't yelled but he had lost all reasoning and awareness of our company by calling me out.

"Oh no I think this little display is going to help achieve your point without the food." As he remembers himself he softens but doesn't break eye contact, I give in hoping he realises I don't have a death wish. "My Doctor agreed but if you want you can call and talk to him, I'll give my consent so you can hear that it's not dangerous it will just mean that it will take a little more time for me to bounce back." Offering to grant him access to some of my medical information goes over the heads of the girls but Dylan understands the importance of what I am giving him. I assume he would take me at my word.

He comes over and kisses my forehead and then whispers in my ear, "thank you Ba- Bren we can call once the girls leave." I shake my head and roll my eyes, of course he was going to take the opportunity to hear it himself and probably ask a number of other questions. He went back to Erica after that and we moved on to chatting about Donna and David, namely his strange behaviour at present. Donna was worried, Kelly though he was just being a pig.

The girls left when Erica came over and wanted me to read the beginnings of her book report and Art woke from his power nap crying insisting on mummy snuggles after being away from me so long that day. The two of them had reached their limit on sharing their family afternoon time with others. Dylan walked them out and while he ignored Kelly he did get a hug from Donna and Andrea, the latter whispering something to him that made him respond with, that's all I want.

Dylan came over after that with the phone in hand, yeah he wasn't letting this go. When I raised my eyebrow he gave me a pointed look. Reaching into my handbag I got my phonebook and rang the Doctor's office, he luckily was just packing up for the day and I was put straight through. I explained my son's father's concerns and asked if he could reassure him, Dylan quickly grabbed the phone and left for the bedroom leaving me to play with the kids. Thirty minutes later he came out with what looked like a page of notes, he seemed happy but it was clear over dinner he had learnt some knew information, especially when he began discussing going for a hike that weekend, maybe a swim as well, and including three ten minutes walks around campus a day. We were also having salmon for dinner the next evening, it was very important. His mother hen behaviour was sweet but between him, my parents and brother's I was going to be driven crazy. Making that deal to avoid a public fight was looking like it was going to bite me in the arse.

While I was sitting at the table looking over the rest of Erica's homework with Art in my lap, as Dylan and Erica were doing the washing up there was a knock on the front door. Looking over I could see it was my father, so I get up and let him in.

"Hey Dad this is a nice surprise. Come on in."

"Hi Honey, how are you?" As we were speaking I lead him inside back to the dining table.

"I'm well, Art and I are just looking over Erica's maths homework."

"How is my grandson?"

"Good nearly ready for a bath then bed." Dylan having heard my Dad's voice comes out of the kitchen.

"Hi Jim."

"Dylan."

"Are you here to visit with Bren and Art as the little guy is just about to start his bath?"

"Actually no I came to speak to you." Dylan appears confused having obviously spoken to my Dad recently about his finances.

"Oh are you needing to revise the budget you gave me for the new house?"

"No it's the other matter, the number you gave me to look into." I wasn't sure what this was about but Dylan's quick nervous glance to Erica gave me some context.

"Dad would you mind holding your grandson? Tonight we might mix it up and have Erica shower first so you can get some time with Art." Dylan sent me a grateful look.

By the time I returned into the room after setting the temperature on the shower so Erica wouldn't scald herself and leaving her to wash, Dylan was rubbing his hands through his hair. On seeing me he went to pass me the letter he was holding. "Dylan, Brenda doesn't need to deal with this." My Dad's tone was firm.

"Jim I won't keep secrets from her, she has a right to know." I reach for the letter and read. It was a financial statement on Suzanne, and according to this she wasn't as destitute as Dylan described.

"Are you okay?"

"No." He sent me a look, he was worried.

My Dad interrupted our silent communication. "When is she due back?"

"She was supposed to come back in tonight by bus as she's not a fan of flying, but she was unable to make the connection at Parowan Utah so she won't arrive now till tomorrow afternoon." He was stressed and hurt, for someone he considered family to potentially be lying about money to him accepting ten thousand dollars when they already had means was causing one of his fear's to play out. When Art begins to get grisly I go and lift him from my Dad's arms. Dylan stands then and begins preparing his baby bath.

"Is he going to be okay?" My Dad's voice held a concern for Dylan I hadn't heard since I had been back.

"Yeah, but until she's back and he can get to the bottom of this he's going to be in his head a bit."

"Honey maybe you and Art should come home early. You don't need to be around this drama and I am not sure about this woman."

"Dad we are fine here and honestly the support Dylan is giving me well no one else could provide that to Art and me." He gave me a questioning look but I wasn't going to clarify any further. "I should get this guy bathed and ready for bed. Will you give Mum a kiss for me?"

"Sure honey, goodnight." Dylan comes out then and walks up to my Dad holding out his hand.

"Thank you Jim for looking out for me, Bren and our family." They shake hands but from the narrowing of my Dad's eyes I know he hated the reference to it being our family. It was a point my father was going to have to surrender, Dylan and I would always be connected through Art, we were my son's family.

When Dylan closes the door he turns and looks at me. "Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"That no one could do what I do for Art and you?" He had been listening to our conversation.

"Dylan I know I fell asleep last night." I didn't reference when, he knew even if he hadn't mentioned it at all today. "Can you think of one person in my life other than you that I would be comfortable taking care of Art and me like that?" As I was speaking I could feel my cheek's warm.

He walks up to me and runs the back of his fingers down my cheek then speaks in his beautiful breathy voice, "I really hope not. I wouldn't want to share the honour of taking care of you both like that with anyone else."

"Then you see as Art's Dad you are irreplaceable to the both of us." I begin to walk past him back into the kitchen to the baby bath Dylan has set up on the counter but he places his hand on my hip.

"I haven't given up wanting to be more than just Art's Dad to you but I know that I'm not in a position to ask for more or deserve more. Just know that you were my first family, are the only person I have ever loved and will ever love, you've owned me since that locker, and while I pushed against it no one else has ever taken or could ever take your place in my life, you are still the only person I trust. The only person I wish to spend this lifetime with, hopefully surrounded by our kids, grandkids, and great-grandchildren."

I continue on my way to the kitchen willing the box to hold.