Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter 15: A Beach Trip and Dinner Invites
When I arrived home I quickly had a shower, checked on Erica, Art and then climbed into bed. I didn't pull Brenda to me or try and spoon her, my Mother's warning was still ringing through my mind along with her assessment of my actions since I accepted that deal. When I found out about Brenda coming home, my sister and then about Art, I truly thought that it was the universes way of saying you served your time, that maybe I had past through hell, redeemed myself and made it to heaven. This here, the four people I love the most in this world being safe, healthy and under the same roof was my heaven, but as I drove home I kept thinking about my Dad. His redemption was being earned through working with the FBI and trying to form a relationship with me, my redemption was through… fifteen minutes in the car and a further five minutes in the shower and I still couldn't figure out how I was trying to make amends.
I had believed for months now that since she hadn't kicked me out of her life and had maintained a friendship with me then all I needed to do was just explain what happened, my feelings and Brenda would eventually understand and forgive. I anticipated her yelling, storming off and maybe taking a while but eventually she would forgive me, it was clear to me she couldn't walk away from us either. Seeking redemption for my sins had been as simple as that in my mind because I didn't consider what I had done to Brenda herself, I wasn't even sure Brenda knew the full extent of the damage I had inflicted on her.
She was still processing when I needed her support with my Dad's death, casting her feelings aside for me. When Kelly collapsed she pushed her own feelings down and gave comfort to a person who clearly didn't deserve that kindness from her, and then in the same night her life changes forever. In nearly a months time it will be the anniversary of that… I can't even call it a final betrayal as I did that next to the swings. It will be twelve months since she saw a side of me I didn't even know existed, it was the cheating, lying and mean side that until that deal, till Kelly I didn't know I had. In almost a year since that pool, that park, in all that time I can see that she just pushed it all aside first for me and then for our son. I can't judge her, as it appears I have pushed it away too, I never owned it, I had been excusing it with explanations.
Laying there I didn't know what I could do to fix this, apologies would simply see me acknowledge the hurt and wish that it hadn't occurred but having been on the receiving end of them for years from both Iris and Jack I knew they didn't take the hurt away, didn't restore faith and trust. I wanted her to have that in me, I wanted her to see me as a good man again, I wanted to be that good man again. Just before Arthur's dream feed I came to the conclusion that there were no words just actions, that being present, committed and clear in my feelings would be the only way forward. I would tell her everything, apologise, answer any questions and then I would let my actions since her homecoming and from here on out speak for me. I wouldn't give her any cause to doubt me again, doubt my commitment to her, my love for her and my desire to share my life with her. As I looked over to her I hoped that would be treading carefully enough.
When I whispered to Bren asking if she wanted to dream feed Art or should I arrange a bottle she whispered back she'll feed him, but asked if I could get him for her. From the grogginess of her voice I knew she was tired, living with her it was clear to see her energy wasn't what it used to be. Her Doctor said it was because her body was working harder than normal. It had been a week since her hospital release and her first full week on campus since she had undertaken a full load of summer courses in Minnesota, add Erica and Art to the mix she was daily pushing herself to her limits. As I lay Art in her arms she looks at me and whispers, "what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm just thinking about how lucky we are to have you. Managing full time college is too much for many, add being unwell, Art, Erica and me you are pushing yourself a lot."
As I climb back into bed she looks at me with a secret smile, "you are forgetting that you guys give me the best energy boost. Did Iris have fun today?"
Her subtle avoidance of her health was clear, she didn't want to dwell on it. "You know she did, though I fear too much. She clearly loves the idea of her own treehouse in LA, I think the occasional visit that I had foreseen might become more frequent than we planned."
"You planned, I like Iris being around."
"That's because you are her favourite-"
"Jealous?"
"No I love the fact that she loves you and I'm certain Dad would have felt the same way if you had ever got a chance to properly meet, but I'm used to keeping my parents at a distance for my own protection, having her so close will be unusual."
"When do you want Art to move out? Straight out of High School, College, first full time job, or are you thinking boarding school from junior high onwards?" What the hell, he's not even four months yet.
"What? We are not sending him to boarding school and if we are lucky enough for him to want to stay at home for College I want him living with us. Hell I'll buy the house next door to us if he wanted it."
"So as a parent you want your child close?" She was good.
"Iris and I aren't the same-"
"Only because you weren't able to let her in when Jack went away. Don't get me wrong, I understand that accepting her as a full time parent may have been too hard but I do wonder if my Dad's rejection would have hurt you and continue to hurt you if she had been around. My Dad was given alot of power and I'm seeing that it was too much, what's that quote 'absolute power corrupts absolutely.' I don't think you know how sorry I am that a member of my family could do that, if Iris was around though I don't think he would have dared."
It was my turn at avoidance. "Yes but I doubt Baja would have happened or the afternoons, evenings, our rainy days here together."
She chuckles and shakes her head, "you would have found a way."
"Of course being close to you is my favourite place in the world, the tingling on my skin from the electric current between us, it's intoxicating. She would have though made it harder, I would have had to be creative."
It was like tennis, it was now her turn to avoid again. "Well regardless of that, do you think you're now in a position to have her more in your life? Give her a bit more access? Let her be a consistent part of Arthur's life?"
I take a moment to think about it, my mother had helped me realise something tonight that I needed to own if I ever had a chance of getting Bren back permanently. I had learnt quickly growing up that I didn't need a parent maybe I was wrong. "As long as I don't have to have my tarot read and that she isn't constantly popping into our house. I don't like sharing-"
"Art. Yes you have made that very clear papa bear."
"I don't like sharing you either, I never have."
She doesn't respond or react to the comment besides shifting Art to my arms, "he's ready for his diaper change."
When I get back into bed she is asleep.
The next morning we are up early, Art is hanging out on my lap while I drink my morning coffee, Erica is eating cereal and Bren is insisting on cutting up fruit for the beach picnic. We will stop for pastries on the way to pick up Iris and then spend the morning at the beach. Erica is excited to see the beach and I can tell Brenda is nearly as excited, she has always loved watching the waves and enjoyed me teaching her to surf in Baja. I wonder if she'll let me resume her lessons or if she finds out I taught Kelly as well while she was in Paris will it be another special moment, activity that I have ruined for her, for us? As Bren approaches the table she frowns at me, picking up on my change of mood but she doesn't say a word just encourages my sister to brush her teeth and to go to the bathroom one last time before the hour long drive to Malibu.
Once the car is packed, the pastries picked up, we go to collect Iris. Bren moves to the back seat wanting to be close enough if our sleeping son wakes up and because she feels that she hasn't spent enough one on one time with Erica. Iris sits in the front with me, and moves between chatting to me and finding classic songs to sing to with Erica and Brenda- it's amazing their rendition of Brown Eyed Girl didn't wake up Art. By the time we set up the beach blanket, Art's over his amazement of sand, Erica has touched her feet into the Pacific Ocean for the first time and I have gone through a roll of film, I am finally persuaded to go for a surf. It's soothing out there but my favourite part is when I have finished riding a wave and I look to the blanket, at least one is waving or clapping me. Once I have finished the set I move back to the beach and with some more winter sun shining down I touch Art's feet into the water. At first he doesn't like the cold but soon begins to kick up a storm, it's another incentive to buy a place down here- my son is definitely going to be a surfer like his Dad. When Art is down for his nap and Erica is making a sandcastle with my mum, Bren and I disappear to see the property. The house is worse than the pictures but the land is awesome, it has direct beach access and is large enough to fit two reasonably sized homes if designed right.
When we leave the viewing I have asked our realtor to get the best deal on both, we'll be paying cash and looking for a short close, hopefully it will push the owners to accept the low ball offers we made on both. As we walk back to the blanket Bren seems a bit dazed. I stop her so I can get a good look at her. "Hey you feeling okay?"
"Do you really just spend that much money?" Oh thank god this was about the money not that she was feeling unwell.
"Well they will have to accept our offers but yeah we have just agreed to spend that."
"Dylan it's a you purchase, it's not a we."
"Bren you'll be spending a lot of your time at The Bird Street house and Art is a water baby, I imagine all our summers will be spent splitting our time between here and Baja. They are we purchases because even if you decide you don't want to live with me permanently, they'll be our family's homes."
"Dylan that's a nice idea but one day you may decide to have more kids with Kelly or someone else, they won't want me thinking of their homes that way so I think it's best I don't consider them that way from the start."
"Can you sit with me for a second?" She doesn't say anything but moves to sit down. "A little over a year ago my subconscious created two daydreams imagining my life. In one Kelly and I were together and were older, the house was stylish and we were very image conscious. She had spent all my money from shopping too much, when I told her I was broke I softened the blow with a necklace. When she opened up the box she didn't see the size of the stone or the diamonds around it, instead she saw that I had given her a necklace with your birthstone in it. It set her off in an eerily similar way that all our fights would go- considering we hadn't had one like that in real life I think my subconscious was sending me a clear warning of how any relationship would be with her; hostile, unbalanced and full of her jealousy that I'd always really be wanting you." She had stared out at the ocean throughout my story not saying a word.
"Our future, my subconscious had me arriving home from work. You were coming down the stairs with our child on your hip and you were pregnant trying to determine wallpaper for the new nursery. We had more of our children running around our home. It was full of chaos from the kids but you were smiling and happy, there was nothing shiny or fancy in our home or even in how we were dressed- I actually had got a little chubby. Clearly my subconscious was telling me that our love ran deeper than the shine, that it didn't matter when youth would be stripped away that our love would remain because it had nothing to do with image, our love would create a family and clearly I'd find you desirable forever. While six kids sounds amazing I'm not sure in reality you'll let me-"
"Yeah, no. Six kids is too many." She turns to look at me. "Dylan they are daydreams from your subconscious you can't take them seriously."
"Bren the subconscious is based on your desires it's the part of your brain you aren't fully aware of, but mine had a clear message to me. I'd have a life where image is all that mattered something I have never wanted, I would be unhappy and they would be as well constantly looking for something to fill the void that was naturally between us. She'd fill it by becoming addicted to shopping, I'd fill it with pining for you, or I'd have a life full of noise, family, love and clearly a lot of fun to have that many kids." I picked up her hand. "When I first saw you with Art I swear something in me shifted, my subconscious a year ago knew it would. I want babies only with you, I want to see you grow our children, I want to have lots with you, you have always been the most desirable person to me but now I literally crave you in a way that is… the only way I can describe it is primal. If you don't want to ever get back together I will learn to accept it but I'll never stop hoping you'll reconsider, I know though that I will not have children with anyone else. If you aren't their mother I already know that they won't feel like they are mine."
"Dylan-" I could read her, she didn't think I was serious.
"Don't ask me how I know but I feel it in my bones to my core, my intuition on this is stronger than on anything else. If we never get back together and we just have Art that will be a blessed life, but expect our grandkids and great grandkids to be spoiled rotten. If you can one day see past the last eighteen months learn to trust me again, then know I will be taking any opportunity I can to expand our family." I squeeze her hand one more time before I stand and then pull her up to join me. "For me it will only ever be our family, our family homes, our family assets, our family- you and me."
She's silent as we begin to walk but stops after ten steps, "I'm sorry that I don't believe you."
I come up and kiss her forehead. "Don't be sorry, you have every right to feel that way. My mother gave me some hard truths last night, my behaviour the last eighteen months was very Jack McKay. I have been on the receiving end of those betrayals since I was a child, I've turned to booze, drugs and woman to cope with them. You didn't do that, instead you have continued to push that aside to help me, to help her and then to ensure the safety of our son. You are amazing!" I rub her cheek with the back of my fingertips and then pick up her hand. "I'm hoping in time you'll start believing in me again, trusting that I love you and that even when I tried to move past us because it hurt, it all started to hurt, that my subconscious knew it was always you. That it was constantly pulling me back to where I was always meant to be right beside you, hell look at Art I think even fate stepped in to keep us forever in each other's orbit." I squeeze her hand and begin to pull her back to our family. "Now tell me what are you thinking for the beach house? I have the idea of the house layout but you know me that's it."
"Not modern, it's not very-"
"Us?"
"Doesn't suit the McKay Family." I laugh and wrap my arm around her.
"It's a start."
"I'm thinking a contemporary interpretation on the Californian beach shack, just larger. Built in carpentry so it all seems solid and been there for years. The house styled with furniture you and Art don't have to be too precious over when you come in after a surf. Not to cluttered so the focus isn't distracted as the view is the main star. A style that is classic with neutral tones so that in thirty years when the grandkids are running around it it will still look good."
"That sounds perfect but what the hell are neutral tones?"
"Are you sure you want to be a property developer?"
"Yes because it will be a family business so you'll be required to help design them."
"That is your new favourite word." She smiles at me and I return it.
"It is."
We made it back to the blanket that had been encircled by a dry motte and three built watch towers, the fourth was currently under construction. After helping to construct the last tower we finally decided that it was time to call an end to our beach adventure as it began to approach Art's next nap time. When we arrived home there was a message on the machine from Cindy inviting us all to dinner, the subtle hint to the message being that with Iris here we can all help settle Brenda and Art back in at their house. Brenda's eyes turned to mine instantly, my silent question hanging between us. When it became clear that I would once again be alone tonight I sent her an understanding and my attempt at a comforting look, she had a right to want her own space I know I had sought it many times when I had been let down by the people I loved. It wasn't the same hurt but it was as close as I could relate to what I had inflicted on her.
Iris and Erica watched a movie while I played with Art on the bed as Brenda packed up some of her things. "I don't know what to take as it's only one night and then we'll be back here."
As I'm about to tell her what was the point, to stay the night and leave on Thursday night I stop myself, tread carefullyplaying throughout my head. "Why don't you make me a list of all the items you need here, shampoo, moisturisers, perfume, you know stuff like that. Tomorrow I can pick it up and that means you don't have to worry about packing every few day's, both houses will have everything for you and Art making the transition easier."
"You're going to run around picking up beauty items tomorrow, you'll willingly going shopping?"
"I'm willingly going shopping to ensure that this is not an extra stress for you."
"McKay you do know this is a trip to the mall? People, noise, salespeople, annoying store music- you know all the things you hate? You're willing to enter your own version of hell?"
"For you yes." She's shocked but relieved.
"Well okay then I'll grab a pen and paper."
Once the list was made with a few additional items added so Erica had spares here as well, we packed up the cars. I went to drop Erica home to her mum and then made my way to the Walsh's. On arrival the energy felt weird, Steve quickly rushed to meet me on the path.
"Hey McKay, look Jim noticed the lack of bags she just told us about your new split arrangement. It's probably not the best time to come in maybe we should play basketball or something while Jim settles down?"
"Steve I'm not leaving her in there to deal with him alone."
"You're not, Brandon's with her and your mum."
"And my son?"
"He started his catnap in the car, he is in his crib upstairs."
"Good then I don't have to worry about upsetting him as well." I push past Steve and move quickly up the porch to the inside.
Steve's grumble, "damn it McKay" being heard as I made it through the entryway to see the mother of my child sitting on the couch while her lecturing father stands over her emphasising all the times I messed up last year, the repeating of how devastated she was the weekend after the park especially difficult to hear. My mother was angrily sitting there holding her hand, and I could see she had reached the end of her patience of his truth telling. She was about ready to launch into her own.
"Jim I don't think Brenda needs to have it repeated, she lived through all the pain I inflicted on her and is frequently reminded of it. Two weeks ago I sat in your office asking you to respect my family, my relationship with my son and his mother, I get that you have found out news that you didn't want to hear but Brenda and I will be the only ones making decisions for our family."
He turns and glares at me. "Dylan this doesn't concern you, this is about my daughter treating this house like a hotel spending a few nights here, that wasn't the arrangement."
Brenda is mortified to think they would see her as being so disrespectful, "Dad that's not how I want you to feel and I'm sor-"
I cut her off, he wasn't guilting her into an apology. "Jim, if this arrangement is too much then Brenda and I can make other plans for the second part of the week. She can stay at mine full time and I can stay somewhere else at the weekend to give her space. She doesn't want to live together full time so I want to respect that."
"So you'll leave her alone to look after your child while you what go share Kelly's bed on the weekends?" He looks at his daughter sending her his most disappointed look. "Brenda is this really what you want? He can see Art whenever he wants you don't need to live with him three nights a week, this is his way to try and get you back you are supposed to be smarter than this. He can be Art's dad without access to you."
When I noticed her twinge of pain in her eyes as her forehead creased I had enough of this shit. Pushing past Jim, ignoring his angry remarks I crouched in front of her and picked up her wrist. "B get her bag, Steve can you get her some water please. Bren take a deep breath for me, that's it." Brandon passes me her bag and I reach inside for her emergency blood pressure tablets, the ones she won't be able to breastfeed whilst on. "You had your aspirin last night at nine with your tea so you can take two tablets if you need to." Once I lay the tablets in her palm I reach inside her bag and grab her blood pressure machine and set it up. Steve is back with the water and I know even before checking that it's elevated by the fact she immediately swallows both. Fucking Jim her blood pressure is fucking spiking the highest it has been since she got out of hospital. I remove the machine but leave it on and pass it to Jim, letting him see the number he is responsible for. The Doctor told me the tablets should begin to drop her pressure in a few minutes, while I wait I keep focused on her eyes and keep my breathing calm hoping she'll mirror mine.
She is quiet but I know she is angry at her body, she has never liked appearing weak. When a few minutes have passed I grab the machine again and retest her it's dropped slightly, that is the indicator that they will work in time. I give her a reassuring smile. "You can feel it's coming down right?"
"Yeah. I won't be able to feed Art till lunch time tomorrow." Her disappointment ringing clear in her voice.
"He'll be fine. You feeling tired?" She nod's. "Okay why don't we get you upstairs for a rest then." As I go to lift her she subtly shakes head, instead I hold out my hands and help her up and then wrap my arms around her. Once she is settled in bed and I have checked on my son I make my way down the stairs of the familiar house. Brandon's fury almost matches mine. Iris is busy comforting Cindy, I pass Steve the baby monitor and look at Jim.
"She asleep D?"
"Yes with the marathon run her body is coming down from followed by the stairs she fell asleep as she was laying down. I'll need to check her pressure again every half hour till it's back at, well the tablets should bring it back to normal for the next twelve hours." I look at Jim, "we made a deal our shit wasn't allowed to effect her, you wouldn't get involved in how we choose to co-parent our son, and you'd respect her adult decisions." I shake my head. "I don't want to move her tonight but this was clearly a mistake."
"You can't tell her where to live."
"No I don't tell her anything she's an adult, we discuss things together and decide together what is in the best interest of our son. Her not having a stroke is what is in the best interest of our son."
"She was fine till you came in."
"I don't want her fine I want her happy, listening to you bring up all my history and then speculating that I'll soon be sleeping with Kelly are not things that will make her happy, nor will they benefit her health. What will it take for you to back off?"
"You out of my daughters life she deserves better than you, she always has."
"Jim that ship has sailed, I'm going to be in her life forever and I'll be important in it. You have to learn to accept it."
"I don't have to learn to accept you sharing a bed with her three nights a week." Shit, Bren wouldn't discuss our sleeping arrangements, I look at Brandon he appears like this is news to him, the same with Steve. I look to Cindy.
"Jackie and I had lunch on Friday, Kelly told her what Erica said about you guy's sharing a room in your current and then in the new house. Dylan I don't agree with Jim's handling of this but neither of us are okay with our daughter casually sleeping with you. It's not good for her or Art, you both need to be more serious and mature about co-parenting, feelings could get hurt here."
Fucking Kelly! "You think your daughter is randomly just having sex with me, a week after her getting out of hospital without wanting any type of commitment and willingly putting our co-parenting relationship on the line?" I look at both of them, they are serious with this shit. "Do either of you know your daughter at all? She isn't someone who sleeps around and never will, and there is nothing she takes more serious than parenting Art she wouldn't risk our parenting relationship for anything short of a belief that we are going to be together forever and neither would I. I'd give her that now but she isn't there and may never be."
"Why is she sharing a bed with you then?"
"That's actually none of your business Jim," I run my hand through my hair this needs to be deescalated when Art and her wake up. "But if you must know because she is exhausted most of the time. She sleeps sometimes through Art's dream feeds so I end up bottle feeding him, I get up in the night with him, this enables her to be awake only for the most minimal amount of time possible. As a father yourself I am sure you understand that sometimes you were able to help Cindy with the twins in way's others weren't because you were familiar with each other. Neither of you may like this but we are completely comfortable with the other." Fuck it I was going to be clear with them. "Even if we aren't lovers anymore we are best friends, and I know her, every part of her better than anyone else. I know her body as well as she does, she is comfortable with me it allows me to to help her in ways no one in this house could."
Whether he was angry about me knowing her body completely or the fact that she was comfortable with me still, his anger once again took over the room."I don't want you sharing a bed with her."
"Jim I've been well aware of that fact since I meet you, but you don't and have never had a say on it."
"Dylan don't think I can't-"
"That is enough. Is this what my son has been putting up with for three years? What Brenda has? Jim you have crossed so many lines here that I'm not sure you know how far from the right side you are."
"Iris, Jim has not always remained calm but he has always been fair with Dylan."
"Cindy you can't be serious? Threatening my seventeen year old son with taking all his money from him by accusing him of statutory rape of his seventeen year old girlfriend, unless he pushed Brenda to go to Paris is being fair?" Fuck. Brandon and Steve eyes go big and they look between Jim and I, Cindy gasps and Jim stares at me.
"Iris you are mistaken Jim wouldn't do that."
Jim and I continue to look at the other, in my peripheral I can see Brandon's head-shake in disappointment I ignore the realisation from my brother that this is what I had dealt with. Iris explains to Cindy the story of what took place in that office, but she continues to believe that it must have been a misunderstanding. Jim continues to look, "that was between us."
I match his quiet tone but I am aware the room is drop pin silent. "I told you I won't keep secrets from her. She asked what was between us I told the truth."
"She knows?" The gasp from Cindy was audible to everyone in the room.
"Yes."
"How did she…" he couldn't finish it off afraid maybe to hear it.
"React? Well once she stopped vomiting, she was upset and then was angry enough to tell my mother. She eventually accepted that it was between us for the time being and would wait until at least she was better to raise it. She was calm enough to come home and willingly sit through the start of one of your lectures about us without raising it. She was compartmentalising her new way of hiding her big feelings, but then you had to tap into one of her other emotional too hard categories."
"You couldn't just leave it between us?" His accusation was clear.
"Of course Jim it's my fault. Your mistake but I own in right, it's my fault that it happened, I pushed you to far, and now it's my fault that people know? Great role modelling, remind me to keep my son far away from you like this."
"Are you threatening my access to my grandson? You have no right."
Art's cries in the monitor had me moving but Steve silently told me to stay he'd go.
"Jim you can't think this is okay? How you treat me when you fear you've lost control of her."
Before Jim can speak Cindy moves to him, "Jim I'd like to see you in the kitchen now please."
He looks at his furious wife, as my mother comes over and squeezes my shoulder, he follows her silently out of the room.
"D I didn't know. You should have told me."
As Steve brings Art in the room he reaches out for me and I collect my son from him. "B there is nothing you could have done and I didn't want to hurt either you or Brenda's relationship with him. He's a good father but he has a blind spot when it comes to me."
"Is this why?" He wants to know about the past eighteen months my personality changes my adoption of Jack's defences.
"I thought when she came back we would be forced to be over, she did to. I didn't handle the idea of having to give up my… well everything, she's everything; my best friend, family, love, she has always been my future from the moment I met her." I take a calming breath. "My mother pointed out that I have taken on my father's coping mechanisms when faced with difficulties, which pretty much sums up that summer." My father was a known arsehole, crooked and selfish they understood what I was saying. "Then we weren't over and the guilt set in, the knowledge I was living on borrowed time. I let my shame… Bren knew something was wrong I was angry at myself and she bore the brunt of that feeling." Brandon doesn't say anything but he is angry that she was put through that, he and I can start a club on that, though his anger would be incapable of matching my own.
"She couldn't figure out how to get us on track and she couldn't I had to, but if I told her we would be done anyway. She ended it again and well I hid from that pain." Art was looking at me now following my story, I was thankful that he was so small that none of my betrayal of his mother made sense to him. "She then wanted me back but if I took her back I'd have to tell her, so I dragged it out justifying it to myself- it was her fault for leaving me again, but I knew she would leave me this time for good if she knew, and then your Dad refused to let her come to meet my Dad. It was the first time he had stepped between us since his threat, in my anger of him starting again I reacted badly."
Steve filled in the part I couldn't say. "You chose Kelly. Took the easy way out of the mess you had made and blew up Brenda's life in the process."
Steve had been calm and there was a twinge of understanding in his voice to the choice but there was none present on how this impacted on his sister. "You were right it was Kelly's idea to tell her everything together but I went along with it not to hurt her. For nearly eight months I couldn't say the words, she had given me opportunities but I couldn't tell her she would hate me, she did a part of her still does." I kiss my son's head. "They were the words she used in the park and they weren't a throwaway line."
"This is a fucking nightmare, a mess." His frustration clear from the words and hair pulling.
I give him a humourless laugh. "Jones that about sums up the last eighteen months of my life." I look down at my watch. "Mum can you hold Art I need to go check Bren's blood pressure make sure it's still going down."
"How do you know all this I thought Bren was keeping you out of her medical stuff?" Having passed Art to my mother I pick up the machine and Brenda's bag as I respond to Brandon.
"She let me speak to her Doctor on the phone, I asked every question I could. I took detailed notes on everything." As I move to leave the room, I clarify where I stand. "I let my anger, fear and impotence at getting your father to stop, play havoc on our connection, her place in my life, but even if we didn't have Art she would always be my everything."