Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Sixteen: Bath, Toast and then Bed

"D she okay?"

"Yeah it's still coming down which is good, she is dozing at the moment, though she woke enough to express her worry about what is happening down here." I rub my forehead, I didn't want her here having to stress about anything other than herself.

"You want to take her back to your house."

It wasn't a question but I was compelled to answer nonetheless. "B I know you can keep this away from her," I point in the direction of the kitchen where we were all pretending we couldn't hear Cindy but mainly Jim's loud conversation. "Art's routine and the fact she is not going to be able to feed him it doesn't mean she can sleep the whole night either there are things she will need help with." I didn't want to say it but with her not feeding him she would still need to express regularly or risk mastitis. It was something that I had seen during the week as she daily expressed to ensure there was milk in the freezer for Art, it was the only part she had genuinely been embarrassed for me to even see. In typical fashion though I wasn't having a bar of that and had made sure to normalise it, getting her pump and chatting to her during the process, by the end of the week she had finally appeared to not care. Tonight I'd have to make sure she woke to express at least twice.

My son having lost interest in Grandma Iris' necklaces was now getting restless. I reached into his baby bag and pulled out a clean blanket and put it on the couch for some tummy time. He needed to have a good play both outside and inside the bath before I even attempted to put him down otherwise he wouldn't hold his normal sleep schedule. "What do you want to do then D?"

"Your willing for me to call the shots on this?"

"She'd want you to."

"Must be a twin thing as she said the same upstairs. Look I need to stay with her regardless, a part of me wants to stay here so they can see I'm not a threat but it would be more comfortable at our place I wouldn't have to worry about waking the house getting Art's bottle ready and there isn't any of the drama."

Brandon was silent for a moment as if he was choosing his words carefully, "Dylan hearing what has happened between Dad and you I think it's time to cut your loses accept that you can't convince him otherwise." By the apologetic look he wore he wasn't trying to hurt me, though hearing those words I was shocked I didn't expect them to sting so much. Somewhere inside I was still believing that he would one day welcome me in and mean it, if Brandon was saying it's time to give up he clearly thought it wouldn't happen. "Sorry I know it's not fair but even before the Kelly thing he made that threat and most of the things he was mad at were Brenda's doing, he took out his frustration at you. Since she met you it was clear who was first in her eyes, he doesn't like that. You were a good boyfriend up until that point and he couldn't accept you then-"

"I get it, after the last eighteen months, her getting pregnant, the health complications it's now never going to happen."

"Dylan darling it doesn't matter what he thinks, it's Brenda and your life. Your validation doesn't need to come from him it needs to come from yourself, you feeling that you are being the type of man you can be proud of."

I look at Steve he wasn't saying anything but I could tell he had been listening, he feels my gaze and looks up and meets my eyes. "McKay I get it, Rush is not a great Dad, Jim to us is like the promise land. I'm not going to lie I was jealous in sophomore and junior year that you got to be a member of this family more than me that you got honorary parents in Cindy and Jim, but hearing that threat and seeing how he talks to you I don't think you did. You don't treat someone you care about this way. You're a Dad now could you ever imagine being in your forties and threatening a teenager with bogus charges, let alone threatening a teenager you are supposed to be looking out for?" I slowly shake my head. "It sucks man, you are losing two Dad's in a year the blood one and the dream one, but neither have done right by you. Rush is the same." Steve sends me a warm smile but I can tell he is dead serious about what he is about to say. "We'll do better though with our kids, show them what real men, real father's look like." I look at my son who was nearly at his limit of tummy time, I pick him up and give him a kiss he squeals and begins to gurgle away to me clearly trying to have an animated conversation with me.

"He'll need his bath soon, and Bren should at least have some tea and toast with those tablets even if she is uninterested in eating a big meal. Steve can you drive the Porsche back to mine and get a fire going it's a chilly night and I don't want either of them going into a cold house, Brandon can you help me get her stuff together, Mum can you watch Art while I get her?" They all agreed and once Steve left I moved upstairs with Brandon. Bren was dozing but opened her eyes when she saw me, without me saying a word she began to sit up and then requested a number of clothes items be packed for the rest of the week. When Brandon and I finished gathering them, he went downstairs to move the bags to the car and help Mum get Art settled in his seat, I begin to help her up. We make it down the stairs before I pick her up at the bottom of them, from her leaning on me the whole time down the steps she was clearly feeling a bit unsteady because of the large dose of the medication.

Brandon followed us in his car and when we arrived the house was warm and the lights on. I quickly got Bren inside while Mum got Art, and Brandon and Steve brought her bags in. Once I got her resting on the bed and had checked her blood pressure, I asked if she wanted a bath or to get straight into her pyjamas. She opted for a bath for her and Art, I warned her that I'd have to be in there with the dose she took. Her response was a chuckle of I know but that I had to at least turn around until she was in the water no sneaking a peak. As I begin to run the bath I move to the kitchen and pull out some milk from the freezer, and then go and check on my son.

Iris and Steve were going through takeout menus while Brandon was telling Art a story about his favourite hockey team. "Are you trying to corrupt my son?"

"Be happy I am not discussing the best baseball team in the world."

"You can discuss the LA Dodgers anytime you want with Art."

"Ha ha, want a hand with his bath?"

"No he's going to have one with his mum tonight."

"Is she okay to do that?" He could tell she was a little unsteady.

"Yeah, she wants one and she wants to spend some time with him. I'll be sitting in the bathroom with them as the medication has made her a little groggy, but it will be fine she wouldn't have suggested it if she thought it wouldn't be safe." If he has any reaction I ignore it by turning around and moving back to the bathroom to switch the taps off. I go into the bedroom then and help her to the bathroom, she insists on getting undressed by herself and not even me reminding her that I am an expert at it gets her to change her mind- it does get me an eye roll. I collect Art from his uncle and then undress him and bring him into the bathroom. His mum is in the bath and I pass him to her, I move to sit by the wall facing Brenda.

From my position I can see her face and the tops oh her shoulders only. With her hair in a messy bun on top of her head, her eyes glued to our son and the beaming smile she is giving him, she looks stunning. Art is clearly loving his bath time as he squeals and kicks loudly throughout it, when I notice her yawning I suggest that it may be time to end their fun, she begrudgingly agrees. Once I have lifted Art out I tell her to stay there while I bring him to the bedroom. I quickly pat him dry and put a diaper on him but I leave him in his crib while I go help Brenda out. I keep my eyes glued to hers the whole time as I help her stand and then wrap a towel around her, taking her hand again I help steady her as she steps out of the bath. When she is secure on the tile floor I go to leave, to give her privacy to dry, but she calls me back and rises slightly on her toes to give me a peck on the cheek. "Thank you."

I give her a dazed smile, it's the first kiss she has given me in nearly a year, even if it was chased it was the first time her lips had touched my skin. I must had blocked out the memories of them as I'm assaulted by flashes of how incredible they feel have always felt, the exquisite warmth that radiates on my skin any place her lips touch. "Is that for the hand or for not looking? Cause if I get your lips on me I'll do it again daily." She just laughs and gently pushes me out of the room.

A few minutes later I'm moisturising our son's skin and giving him the little baby massage that she showed me how to do their first night here. She walks in in her bathrobe and lays at the top of the bed. Without looking up I chat to her, "they were ordering takeout would you like a plate or tea and toast?"

"Tea and toast please."

"Okay I'll get that and his bottle sorted."

"Actually I'll come out and have it out there once Arthur's down, my brother's will worry needlessly if I don't show them a little more of my face."

When I walk into the main room I can hear Iris on the phone using a voice I hadn't heard since my childhood, "they are adults they can make their own decisions." As I walk further into the room I spot her pacing in the living room. "I have spent the weekend here with them, and even when she was telling me of what you said her blood pressure never went up. My son was not at fault for that spike tonight you were. Jim you are completely overbearing on this." Steve sends me a sympathetic look, but I focus in on Brandon.

"They called. I answered and spoke to Mum first but when I said it was best that Brenda stay here Dad got on the phone. When he refused to discuss it with me further and wanted to talk to you your mum took over."

I nod and move to my mother and hold out my hand for the phone. She stares at me but concedes. "Jim."

"Dylan you finally decide to talk to me."

"Jim I didn't even know you guy's rang, Bren wanted to have a bath with Art so I was sitting in there with them as she is still a little groggy from the high dose of medication. Now what can I do for you?"

"I want my daughter and grandson home, obviously them staying with you hasn't helped. They need more care and a calming environment for her to get stronger."

"That's not going to happen Jim. They'll stay here till at least Thursday night as planned, when Brenda has bounced back from this spike she can decide from there what she is comfortable with."

He puts on his calming and reasoned voice, the voice that always makes him sound so in control and understanding. "Dylan I understand that you care for them both but you must realise that tonight's spike means she isn't getting better. Having her here where Cindy can make sure she is on her proper diet, where we can give her more help with Arthur, where she doesn't have to worry about taking care of you, and where she is not faced with your mistakes each day. I mean she knows Kelly stayed there do you think she would like staying in her bed, a bed up until a couple of months ago you were sharing with her."

Fuck he was right I knew parts of this house held memories that she didn't like. She hadn't gone on the porch since her arrival, if she was sitting in the armchair sometimes I'd catch her staring at the futon a fleeting look of pain would pass over her face, but the bed in my mind it had always been ours, we had shared it for a long time. Kelly hadn't even been in it until after her birthday.

We had been on the boat together and then I stayed at the Walsh's, when I came home I was still grieving and had no interest in being physical with her. The comfort I wanted was not going to be found in her I wanted Brenda's voice, her eyes, her hand, her hug's, her around me- she was the only person who knew how to help me then. Even when Kelly and I did resume that part of our relationship, I kept it mainly to the futon and then we were in Europe. When I came back she had the beach house, she stayed here but not a lot I'd see her mainly at her place. The thought that Brenda had been walking around in our home, picturing my betrayal, picturing Kelly living here, thinking this was more Kelly's home than here's was not something I had ever considered. It stripped me of any joy I had felt from her lips.

"Jim I understand what you are saying and your concern but Brenda, hell the both of us have strictly stuck to her diet, she isn't running around here cleaning or pushing herself, and well even Brenda herself told you on Wednesday that my support with Art is more than anyone else can give. Look I need to go and organise Arthur's bottle and put him down, I'll call if anything changes in her blood pressure but rest assure it's down. Night." Before he can say anything more I hang up and run my hand through my hair.

"Dylan what did he say to you?"

"Just his concerns for her staying here Mum." I didn't want to get into this, it was more of my fucking mistake registering I didn't need to keep sharing how insensitive, blind I was to the pain I caused.

"No he said something that caused you pain, it was clear as day."

"It was nothing, he just made me see a truth I hadn't been fully aware of. I'm going to go put Art down, Bren's going to come out after and have some tea before she turns in for the night." They can see my mood has changed, Jim's words making me wonder if the joy I have had here this week having my family here with me had only been mine. Has it been torture for her thinking this is Kelly's home? Does she think Kelly was mainly living here since we started college? She hadn't seen us together since graduation the night we covered the sign, when Brandon held her close to him and Steve kept the conversation light, whispering in her ear at times to make her laugh. His attentiveness and private relationship with her was enough to have me ask Kelly publicly to share the summer with me in Europe- to spend months sleeping next to me.

With fresh eyes I look at that scene again, Brenda was trying to keep enough food in her body to keep our child alive, Steve was trying to keep her calm in an uncomfortable situation and I'm there in jealousy asking Kelly to take a once in a lifetime trip, one that she spent so much time shopping or talking of shopping that I had flashes back to that daydream the moment I got on that plane, regretting not going alone. I'm a fucking arsehole!

When Dylan comes in with Art's bottle I've already got us both dressed, Art is laying on the pillow beside me with his hands in his mouth while I've started to express. It's an uncomfortable feeling, not from pain but it makes me feel like a dairy cow. Dylan doesn't even bat an eye, he is so chilled with every aspect of this parenting thing or maybe he just sees me as a mother now. He likes having a family he wants more kids maybe he sees me now as just the bearer of them, intimacy with me will achieve that goal. He used to be unable to keep his hands off me.

When I thought for those years he wanted me above every other girl, every other person who would literally throw themselves at him any place we would go, I had felt beautiful, desirable, and sexy. The months of his indecisiveness eroded that feeling, it was destroyed when he chose her. The pregnancy has changed my body and most of the time I don't feel like I own it anymore. I had no control over it and it feels more Art's than mine. The fact that I was now comfortable sitting here with a machine attached to me while my ex boyfriend is in the room spoke volumes on how far removed I was from the woman who had been confident under those showers at the beach club, who was confident enough to walk around the halls of one of the most glamorous schools in the country and dress for me; wear mens shirts, turtleneck's and tie's, show nothing of my body but still feel sexy as hell because I knew he wanted me above everyone else. Well I thought he did.

Being trapped in my own thoughts it takes me a minute to realise that the happy mood of Dylan's has shifted. "Hey you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You sure as you left here a few minutes ago all smiley?"

He looks at me and notices my frown and gives me a soft smile. "That's cause I was buzzing from your lips on me. It's nearly been a year since they have touched my skin." He then focuses in on them in a way that almost makes me believe that he finds them desirable, then I think about what I'm doing and think that it's all in my head, the medication making me see things that aren't there.

He must pickup on my embarrassment as he changes the subject. "I hope we find out about the house tomorrow, it's not occupied so if we can exchange contracts tomorrow we could be out of here in two weeks. Obviously we'll take the new furniture we bought for Art and Erica but I was thinking that none of the other furniture goes in the new place. The master bedroom could fit a king bed, the living room is a big space so maybe a couple of comfy couches that we can chill out on next to a fire on cold nights like this. With College we don't have much time, I'm thinking we should order some of this stuff straight away so when we move in the house will have the basics. You can then gradually do the other spaces and if you are okay with it I was thinking about letting Iris decorate the guest house, I'd like her to feel it's her space."

He was spinning maybe tonight was catching up with him. I don't know what occurred with my Dad once I was upstairs but the fact I didn't see them as we left tells me something had happened. "You know you don't have to rush, if you get it the move can be gradual."

"I'd like us to move in straight away. I know you helped me finish setting up this place when Iris left, but I'm looking forward to every part of the Bird Street house being ours. Our house choice, our furniture choice, our home completely." He spoke with such conviction that I could tell that this was important to him, like he needed this to happen. Whatever caused this urgency to move was making him spin, I tried to settle him.

"Our furniture choice, does that mean you are going to help me pick?"

It works, his mood shifts and he takes on a bashful energy, "when I said our on furniture I meant yours." There is the anti-shopper I know, my laugh has Art turning his head to find me. Dylan raises his eyebrow at me, I was constantly calling him out for the same thing. It makes me laugh harder especially when I see how stubborn our son is to drop the milk but refusing to give up on finding the sound. I stop expressing and redo the buttons of my night shirt and then move to look over Dylan's shoulder leaning a little on Dylan due to the limited space between him and the bed head, I hope it will bring my sons focus back to where it should be.

Dylan's deep inhale through his nose has me further peering over his shoulder to see my son's father's face. He has his eyes closed. When Art is back focusing on his bottle I go to move back. "Please stay." Dylan's whisper makes me freeze.

"I know I'm constantly in your space, I can't help it I need our bodies close, I need your skin next to mine, I need to smell your scent- it calms me and drives me crazy all at once. This is the first time in a long time you've come into my space willingly, I just want to enjoy it for a second." There was something so vulnerable in his plea that makes me give in to his request and then take it further rubbing my hands through the hairs at the base of his neck. We don't speak again. I move back only when Art is finished his bottle and needs to be burped.

Once Dylan had put him down in his crib he makes his way over to me and sits in front of me, he rubs his fingers over my cheek barely touching my skin. "We should check your blood pressure one more time, get you something to eat, and then kick everyone else out." He looks at my lips again and moves his fingers closer as if he was going to touch them but he stops himself. "I'm not sure I'm capable of sharing you tonight, I'm not sure I have the strength too. I just want to keep you as close to me as possible, I want you in way's we aren't ready for but I want them none the less. Thirty minutes then they have to leave."

His pupils are so big that his eyes are almost black, I know the energy rolling off him it's familiar to me, it is what led us to Art. I swallow maybe it wasn't the medication after all.