Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Eighteen: Treading Carefully
I move aside in a silent invitation for them to come in, as they move through the door I steal myself. Jim's pretend roadblocks this morning were still playing through my mind, after confirming I had the money on hand to make offers on property less than a week ago he tried to block the funds this morning saying he would need time to make my assets liquid. I knew they were available and I knew the terms of our contract, he simply didn't want me buying a home with his daughter and was using his position again.
He didn't know about the Malibu purchase he had simply just moved the funds into my bank account, the bank had organised the two cheques. If Bren and I could do this development by ourselves without him knowing I'd be happy, his blocking told me he was still open to playing games with my family's livelihood and I wasn't okay with that. I knew he wouldn't risk his reputation by tanking my portfolio or risk his own profits, but he could tie up funds for a period if I didn't keep an active eye on his management and read every contract he had to have me sign to invest my money. If Brenda and I established our own income stream it would allow for his power to be diminished.
As he walks through the door and extends his hand for our signature finger snap he quietly whispers, "hey D, you up for this?"
"A heads up would have been nice, I'd have liked Bren to have had her medication before their arrival."
His eyes go large and his voice becomes laced with concern. "Medication? It's still up?"
"Come in and we can tell you about her Doctor's visit." As I walk over to the futon I notice my girls concerned and tired eyes, Cindy is sitting next to her with Jim at the other end. Brandon brings over a dining chair, while I move in front of the fire place. "Hi Cindy, Jim, can I get you anything? Tea? Water?"
"Tea would be nice. Thank you." I nod at Cindy.
"Jim?"
"Water will be fine."
I look at Brandon he just shakes his head, I turn to Brenda. "I don't think I could have any more tea."
I go over to her and kneel down, "how about a glass of pomegranate juice the Doctor recommended it, studies are seeing it help with inflammation and high blood pressure?"
"Did you buy everything he recommended?"
"Absolutely." She smiles and shakes her head. "Will you give it a try?" She nods.
Mum and I come back with the drinks, Cindy is holding Art and asking about his first week of daycare and if he'll be returning this week. Bren fills them in that we have found a good routine that works for the three of us and that Art didn't mind daycare at all, as we are talking the little guy begins to fuss and Bren takes him back. We skipped his late afternoon power nap today due to his longer lunchtime sleep, he'll be grisly for the rest of the evening but he'll sleep tonight. When he continues to complain I go over, he'll be more content walking about the room being kept distracted by the changing view. Bren looks at me, "he gets this from your side. You've always been a grump with no sleep."
I laugh as I pick him up, "I'll accept this if you finally give in and admit his love of the water is from me." She shakes her head and mouths the word no. I laugh again.
As I walk with Art bouncing him a little Brandon finally has had his fill of being patient, "so medication care to explain?" I look at Bren she looks to me.
"Honestly, Dylan's probably best at explaining, I was pretty overwhelmed in the appointment. Do you mind?"
"Not at all." I launch into her Friday test results and the risks if left untreated, I emphasis that medication is the only way forward but that lifestyle changes sleep, diet, exercise and a reduction in stress are still advised. I go through the medication plan and go over how Arthur won't be effected.
"Minnesota, you were getting better in Minnesota without medication. Your Doctor was confident that it would be back in the normal range. Honey, your mother and I have been talking, we think it's time to consider going back there. I've spoken to the school you can transfer and finish the semester there. My mother and Cindy's can help with Art and you'll be away from the stresses of LA."
Brandon's glare says it all, he hates her being away, the twins don't function well without the other. She needs Brandon to stabilise her dramatic tendencies and he needs her to stop him getting too self righteous and pompous. I was well aware from the start that they were a package deal, Bren would always want Brandon to be a big part of her life and by default he would be a big part of mine. It's probably why he immediately felt like a brother to me even before meeting her. The loner of school instantly connecting with the new guy and giving him a chance, many had tried before but he was the first person on campus I could stand to be more than a casual acquaintance. As soon as he said twin sister I should have known she'd mean everything to me.
Having not yet told her about the details of last night it was no wonder Bren appeared baffled by her father's change of mind. Fucking Jim, he needed to know what his proposal would mean. "Bren if you think what your Dad is suggesting would help we can absolutely move to Minnesota for the rest of the semester, though the medication would still be necessary until your liver and lungs can heal themselves."
"Dylan, Brenda obviously had the right idea keeping herself and Arthur away from Beverly Hills and the stresses here, I think it's best that she and he return to that stress free existence until she is fully recovered. You going there son would not accomplish that and your goal is to see Brenda better right? This will make her better."
I ignore the son remark and the tone of understanding he projected and look at him for the first time, he's just like Jack. "Jim the only time I'll leave Brenda and Art for anytime is if she asks me to and even then it wouldn't be for long. If Brenda thinks Minnesota is best for our family I'll happily move there, but if this is another attempt at putting distance between us then if you can't respect Brenda and my wishes to co-parent our son then can you at least consider Arthur's needs." As I said his name my grumbling son decides to tap my face. I move my attention to my son, "did you hear Daddy say your name?" My son gaining my full attention and a little tickle, squeals.
"Dad. Art and I are not moving from LA, and Dylan is absolutely right if I did move anywhere it would be in consultation with him. Look at them together, I would be a horrible mother if I denied my son that love." She sighs and runs her hand through her hair, "from the tension between you both and your attempt at holding up the purchase of the house this morning I'm guessing something happened last night."
"I'm surprised he hasn't told you, I guess his honesty only extends to when it's convenient to him. Do you know he took you from our home without informing us-"
"Dad I told him it was his call last night if Art and I left. I walked down those stairs myself, I didn't come find you either. If he hasn't told me about last night I assume it's because he didn't want me to stress. In all honesty between buying the house, the Doctor's and then his indulging me by looking at and feeling white and beige swatches for… how long were we at that store for Dylan?"
"It felt like ten hours. I swear it was like entering the twilight zone, time moved differently in that store it was like a second lasted-"
She rolls her eyes. "Sorry I asked." I smile at her she was working her arse off to reduce the tension, she didn't want to fight with her Dad and I didn't want her to. "Dad, whatever is going on you need to let it go. Dylan is Art's dad he will be in my life forever-"
"He can be in Art's life I just don't want him in yours and I don't want you sharing a bed with him anymore." She looks to me trying to understand how they knew.
"Kelly told Jackie how Erica was concerned that you wouldn't get to decorate your own room because we sleep in the same bed."
"So much for the sorority rules of it stays between us." She turns to look at her Dad. "Dylan and I are not sleeping together like that, it's just easier with Art."
"We are back to this, you've been home for not even three weeks and look at you losing perspective. How long will it be if you are sharing a bed before you start sleeping with him again? Before you get pregnant? How long before he destroys your whole future and then he runs away again? I wonder will it be Kelly again, Andrea or maybe Donna?" As he stood during his rant and began getting louder I passed my son to my fuming mother and indicated for her to take him out of the room.
Brandon stands to intervene but I indicate to him to stay out of this. I move to Bren and duck down in front of her, "remember the hen comment today, my promise?" She nods sadly. "You understand why?" She nods again. I kiss her forehead and then turn to Jim. "I'd like you to leave now."
"Dylan just because you don't like me calling you out for-"
"Jim I've had enough. Your grandson had to leave the room because of your yelling, your daughter has been told she needs to avoid stress that she needs to rest, and for the second day in a row you have been unable to control yourself, this is not a game it's her health. I can't have you around my family like this. You need to leave and calm down."
"Your family? They are MY FAMILY!"
"Dad it's time we go this isn't good for Brenda."
"Jim please calm down." Cindy then turns to her daughter. "Brenda you know I have always supported you and Dylan, I care about him a lot, but your father and I are concerned. This is obviously not a healthy environment for you, you are now on medication risking permanent damage to your body. If Minnesota isn't what you want then at least come home full time, splitting your time between two houses is not a good decision for you or Arthur. He's a baby he needs consistency to feel safe. I know you want to be a good mother but you need to put Arthur first, Dylan shouldn't be your priority." She squeezes Brenda's hand and then stands. "Look we'll leave you for tonight but maybe you can come over this week and we can discuss it together you and I. Mother to mother, we can figure out how to create a stable environment for Art and make sure Dylan has an active role in his life but without you having to split your time between two houses. Your father and I want to support you but we can't just stand by and have you create an unstable environment for Art, we can't sit and watch you build an unhealthy home life for our grandson."
I move to the door and open it wide I now want both of them out, they take the hint and leave. Brandon once he has kissed his twins head walks to the door, "I tried to stop him but he won't see reason on this. It's just like after Baja he wants you away from her, and Mum, she doesn't think she'll ever get better here."
"Me being away from her is never going to happen, he will just keep hurting her if that's what he is hoping for. As for Cindy the only stresses in our home is from outsiders. They have to see reason."
"I'll try again Brother but I wouldn't hold my breath."
When the door closes I go straight over to her and gather her in my arms, she isn't crying but her eyes are red. "Baby this can't keep happening. It's not good for you we need to put a stop to this."
"I'm tired. A year ago I would have been the one standing up for us, even after months of indecision months of being made to compete. I was the one eighteen months ago doing it while you were off making deals and then hiding your summer. I don't have the energy left for this, I don't have the energy to keep fighting, especially when I don't even know what I'm fighting them for." She moves out of my arms and puts distance between us. "They don't want you away from Art, they just want me out of your bed, out of your house, they think I'm going to get hurt and that we will end up hurting Art. Dylan I don't have the energy to argue that, and even if I did I don't know how to as it's what I think will happen too. Maybe Mum's right maybe doing this to Art, splitting his time between homes makes me a bad mother, especially when I don't see how we can make this work long term. You want something more and I don't have any faith in that." She moves off the futon. "I'm going to go have a bath with Art, I'll be fine without supervision."
She leaves the room, leaving me fucking devastated. Cindy I didn't think would be the one throwing the grenades against Bren, the woman who literally changed her life to ensure she could bring our son safely into the world, calling her a bad mother. It was a fucking joke, but the worst thing was Brenda believed it. My Bren had confidence, she knew she was strong, capable and wouldn't let anyone make her feel less than, the woman who just left the room didn't have that same fire, she didn't know her self-worth.
My Mum comes out a few minutes later and sits besides me. "How can I go from thinking that we are about to create our first home together to not sure if she'll ever sleep in it? They manage to head trip her every time."
"You head trip her as well. She was crying over you on this couch just over forty-eight hours ago. You need to tread carefully Darling."
"I'm treading carefully but the ground keeps moving, it's like the staircase in the Labyrinth I can't make sense of it. Every time I think I'm going in the right direction it moves again."
"Has it been like that since she came home?"
"Yeah."
"Does her back and forth make you confused, unsure of yourself, does it have you doubt everything, everything you thought she was feeling?"
My mother gets it, "yeah."
"Three weeks of that and look at you- it's a horrible feeling. Imagine now eighteen months of that but the staircase changed to nothingness about eleven months ago and you just kept falling, and each time you have felt you are about to land the bottom falls out again. That's her, that's what she feels. Three weeks you are about to go crazy pulling your hair out. Eighteen months." Fuck. "Let me see if I can salvage dinner while you get yourself together."
Bren is quiet during Art's bedtime routine and dinner, and then excuses herself once it's over insisting on taking her medication and then going to bed. I try and not let it show how effected I am that she is back putting up walls, though it seems my life now is to knock them over every few day's. We are fine, almost together and then someone comes along to derail us and her reaction is to build a wall between us as if their influence reminds her that she needs protection from me. Maybe Jim had the right idea and we should move to Minnesota and leave Kelly and her parents behind. If I could keep everyone away I'm sure she'd remember that I can be trusted that she'd be able to feel how absolute our connection is, but we can't live like that forever and we need to be able to work as a couple being with our friends, our family and her parents.
As I don't need the Porsche tomorrow I tell Mum to take it to the hotel with her along with the measurements for the guesthouse and a signed blank cheque. The guesthouse will only be for her and we want it to feel like her home with us. My mother is quiet but teary eyed, two years ago I rejected her place in my life and now she understood that I was inviting her back in. That she was being welcomed, given an opportunity to be involved with Art, me and any future kids that Bren and I have. After losing Jack and the ongoing realisation that I'd never be exactly what the Walsh's had in mind for their daughter I want Art to have one grandparent who saw how special Bren and I are together. Jack thought Kelly was pretty and nice but he had never taken to her. He had had a way with people when he liked them, he wasn't so proper, so considered. He would have loved Bren I have no doubt. He would have loved her Celtic background, found a kinship in the shared heritage and then he would have enjoyed getting her all fired up, finding it funny to see her blow her top. Both my parents would have been our biggest supporters.
Bren sleeps throughout the night and only wakes to express as I'm feeding Art his four-thirty bottle. She's groggy but I can tell she's still securely behind her wall. We get through the quiet morning and go our separate way's after dropping Art at daycare. After my lecture I see Brandon on my way to collect Art, he can tell I'm out of sorts. "I'm guessing your night was as much fun as mine."
"I don't know did the mother of your child, the woman you love, tell you that she doesn't have the energy or see the point in fighting for you- that she doesn't trust that you aren't going to hurt her?"
"Dylan you got to understand-"
"I know I did this. I get it, but I'm petrified she may block me from this side of her life forever."
"Do you get it? It wasn't just you. Kelly was her best friend and was secretly mooning over you and acting sad, Brenda was supporting her being a shoulder for her to cry on. Why do you think Kelly all of a sudden was around you so much, Brenda was being a supportive friend trying to cheer her up and look what that got her. She felt like she was a joke to both of you that she got played." His disgust at Kelly was clear but he was right I knew she was trying to help her, I at first attempted to keep them away from the other but then… I got frustrated and was feeling guilty, I took it out on Brenda, Kelly became the person who pretended to get me.
"When the gang found out you had gone on a date with Kelly, everyone had told Brenda she had no right to be upset that it was her fault. Andrea and Donna didn't say anything to her when you chose, they never made a comment about your betrayal or Kelly's that summer. Dylan she didn't just lose you she lost her best friends, all of them. Brenda is loyal she'll stand up for her friends, you've seen that first hand but no one stood up for her. Steve and I are the only people she trusts completely now and even then she keeps things from us. She's my twin I've been there through everything, I've never seen this timidness that she now carries I have never seen her so awkward in her own skin. Her eyes they scan rooms differently, she doesn't smile as much and worse of all she has taken on every negative thing that has been said about her like it must be true as if it explains why no one was there for her."
He runs his hand through his hair. "Did she tell you about Minnesota our old friends? She has always written to Darla but last year she began corresponding more regularly, she thought that maybe she wasn't Beverly Hills enough to understand friendship here. She went home and all they wanted to know about was her celebrity friends, which stores she shopped in, restaurants she'd been to, cars we owned, they even went as far as wanting to know how rich everyone was; Brenda refused to give them anything about her friends, the friends who hadn't been loyal to her, they then spoke about her behind her back calling her stuck up for not gossiping about you all. When they found out she was pregnant, well let's just say no one but family came to see her while she was on bedrest or after Art was born."
"I've spoken to Andrea about it, trying to understand what happened. They were all scared to light a match to such a volatile situation, scared that our group would break apart if they spoke of it. They didn't want to get involved and ruin what remained of senior year. Andrea was disgusted with the betrayal, Donna has since said she'd never forgive Kelly if it had been her, but they have never told that to Brenda and now it doesn't matter, they didn't support her when it counts and now Bren's always going to have doubts about their friendship."
"She has Steve and I. Our parents are now full of conditions, unlimited support but there is a price for it, or she has you who could run away again any second, find another blonde to declare you've always wanted. Who would you chose, who would you believe is the safest bet? Her support system is nearly all gone, if she chooses wrong she'll just be left with her brother's, that's fine by us but Brenda has never wanted to be a burden she'll feel that if we are all she has."
"She has me, Art will always be ours."
"Yeah but will your next girl be so keen on letting your ex be your best friend, I mean Kelly clearly loved it!" Sarcasm was dripping from his voice.
"There isn't going to be a next girl only your sister!"
"Dylan, do I think you love my sister, yes. Do I think you believe what you are saying, yes. Do I think you will stick to it, I don't know. I didn't know if you guy's would last but I never expected what you did. It was a seven month deceit, you made her compete for you like it was a game whilst keeping her at a disadvantage not knowing the whole truth. Two years and you made her compete, thank god she didn't know about what you said in that pool back then."
I wasn't responsible for Andrea, Donna or even Kelly but I was the catalyst for it all. Last night I worried about her self-esteem wondering where her confidence had gone, I guess I didn't appreciate how far it had gone. Since she returned I thought I could convince her with words and actions, and deep down I thought a few weeks we would be back. I didn't appreciate what my decisions had set off in her life. "B thank you I didn't want to hear any of it but I need to understand and she's not willing to open up at all. She keeps putting them in separate compartments, not willing to address any of it and get to the bottom of it. I don't blame her but everything is left unsaid then. I need to run and get Art for his feed, we'll be out on the lawn again if you want to join us."
"I'll grab us coffee and her a tea, and see you there."
I make it back just as Bren is walking down the stairs, she smiles when she sees me but I know it's because of Art, she hates not being able to nurse him. Brandon and Andrea join us and engage her in conversation as she feeds Art, I quietly observe the interaction. Brandon is right she holds back doesn't share her opinion even when Andrea asks advice on how to handle Dan's bitterness for her dating Jesse; she avoids giving anything more than supportive affirmations that Andrea will know what's right. Brandon looks at me, I give him a subtle nod acknowledging that I see it. You'd have to know her well to but it's a subtle submission, she doesn't want to rock the boat with anyone I guess not trusting that they'll stick around.
As we walk back to our lecture halls from daycare we are in silence, not being able to take it anymore I stop taking my mother's advice- I do not tread carefully. "On Friday we pick up the keys and on Saturday we move into our first family home. We may not be together but I want that home to feel safe for you, a place you know people are honest, where you can be you without fear of anything hurting you. Before that move I want us to be honest about everything, have everything said. It won't be nice for either of us, and I don't think it will actually fix your trust in me, it actually could do more damage, but I want our home, our sons home to feel safe for all of us. I want it to be stable where he doesn't need to be taken out of the room when his grandparents come over. None of that can happen… I can see we can't move in any direction until we put this all out there. I need to tell you everything, you need to tell me how badly I have hurt you. I need to own this and you need to stop compartmentalising this." The fear she was projecting at the thought of opening up was palpable. "The medication according to your Doctor should have your blood pressure medically regulated and back in the normal range throughout the full twenty-fours between doses by Wednesday, can I take you for Dinner on Thursday night? Mum can watch Art and we can be alone together have time to hear each other out."
"Dylan I'm not sure I can do that."
I stop walking and turn to her. "Dinner, hearing my mistakes or dealing with the pain of the last eighteen months?"
She meets me yes, "any of it."
I give her a sympathetic look, "what are you scared of?"
"Losing my best friend."
"I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be your best friend."
She bites her lip and then responds, "I might not give you a choice."