Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Twenty-One: Home

We are up early in the morning so we can sign the contracts before Dylan has to run to class. The real estates cleaning crew will be entering the property later in the morning, which means I am free for a few hours with Art. Over coffee this morning Dylan went through yesterday's purchases, it seems we are ready to go for the move well besides food shopping. Considering my restrictive diet I decide to head to the organic grocery store and arrange a delivery for the next morning. It kills an hour but I still have another ninety minutes before my Doctors appointment, as it's a nice day I decide to be sneaky and grab a good cup of coffee and take Art for a walk in the pram while he naps.

It's a beautiful day, it helps me as I enter the open green space and begin to work through my hatred of parks. My son will love them so I don't want to deny him going to them, I need to get past that messed up afternoon. As I make it to the middle of the park I find a bench and sit down, I force myself to remember every moment of that day his behaviour at school, them coming to my door together. The need to go to the park bugs me still, why drag it out? Why leave me exposed and left alone to walk home?

My front porch, the footpath or hell the driveway would have sufficed, it could have been like ripping off a bandage. No, instead there was small talk, an uncomfortableness in our walk there where I was well aware of what was to come- it was a torture in itself. My acting teacher would tell me these emotions will be fantastic for me to harness into a character, the betrayal, hurt, and the impotence of a pain being dragged out upon you one you couldn't stop; it will make for a rich character one day. I sit in them until I can understand the emotions and until I have analysed every facet of that complex pain. The memories still kill but I'll use them to help me be better, help me reach my dreams.

The Doctor checks on me, and then runs through the tests his nurse will administer each Monday. He discusses what stabilisation and improvements will look like. My lungs he can listen to for fluid but I will need a fortnightly X-ray to check on their progress, that's the maximum radiation he wants me to be exposed to. It's a visit that is more informative on the process than anything else as it's too early to see if there is any changes, the Monday tests hopefully will give some indication. He says it will be positive if the results next Friday are consistent that my liver isn't getting worse, he's positive that my lungs are sounding like they are maintaining the same fluid level, it isn't getting worse.

When I make it to campus Dylan is once again with the gang, but remains in a private huddle with my brother's at one end. As I move across the room to give him his son I strive to ignore Kelly, I'm not ready to look at her and see my hurt from last year. I'm the other woman to her, not because I came after but because he made her more important he gave her a lifetime title that she believes to be true, which he said was true. He made her more important than me in words. In my avoidance of Kelly I focus in on David he looks like hell.

He's not sitting with the guy's of our gang which is my fault, the others are now a family unit courtesy of Art and I- David is once again the outsider of that. Well fuck that! I was the outsider last year and in Minnesota, it's shit. I'm still the outsider with the girls. I stop in front of him, "Uncle David feel like holding Art while I grab a coffee?" It's the first time I have used any title on members of our group who aren't family to Art or me. He seems surprised but smiles and quickly sits back to make room for my sleeping son.

Dylan sends me a curious look unsure if this was in reaction to my new knowledge or because of something else. He must see something in my eyes or in finally looking at his friend as he gives me a subtle smile and nod. "Bren pass me the baby bag, I need to get a picture of my son's first cuddle with his Uncle David."

Steve joins in, "if he's a good McKay he may even do something hilarious like poo outside of his diaper onto David- make it really memorable." David gives Steve a glare.

"Don't worry Silver, my nephew would only do that if he was genetically related to Steve, us Walsh and McKay's have a more developed sense of humour." Brandon and Dylan do their little finger click at that.

"Spoken like a true politician twin." I shake my head but I am pleased that the guys have all seen that David needs to be included. "Let me grab a coffee and then I want the campaign update, I need to make sure you are ready for Monday's vote." Dylan starts taking a couple of pictures of them together with Donna leaning in on a few. David though is transfixed on Art, I guess he may have been just a bit too young to get excited over his baby sister last year, even Kelly was only able to maintain her interest for a few weeks. I choose to ignore the voice that reminds me that he like his stepsister were too busy having affairs that summer to really focus on the baby.

By the time I'm back at the table David is chatting to Dylan about Arthur's hesitation to be held too long by anyone not his parents, he has extended the honour of a longer hold only to Erica, Iris is currently in third place. David is listening intently but I begin to see Dylan focus in on him more, he is clocking something that I haven't. He is worried but not nervous or fearful, giving me comfort that Art is fine. I speak to Brandon about the upcoming election and agree to either celebrate or commiserate at The Pit on Monday afternoon. He plays indifference to it all but I know he wants this.

Dylan takes Art once he is awake and comes over to me so my son can see me, he leans in close under the guise of my son touching my face and quietly whispers to me. "He's not okay, his pupils are shot. Whatever he is on is wearing off, he needs help."

I lean in and give my son a kiss and pull back a little to whisper back, "on?"

"Yeah he's taken stuff and by his general appearance and comedown on a Friday it's probably not the first time."

I breathe deep this was worse than I thought, "whatever is going on with him being isolated from you guy's isn't good."

Art grabs my hair and Dylan begins to help release his firm grip, "yeah I'll reach out. That was your plan all along wasn't it?" I say nothing. "You are a good friend to them all much better than they have been or are to you."

As I finally get my hair free I move away and quietly snark out, "it's not a competition." He nods understanding that the previous conversation is in the safe zone, Dylan referencing anything else is not okay. He passes me the keys to the Porsche as I collect my books.

He tries his soft tone like he's not threatening, yeah even in lambs clothing he's still a wolf. "Up for visiting the house this afternoon to make sure it's ready for us to move in?"

I feel eyes on me, my brother's can know our dynamic has changed but the rest not a chance. I put on my best smile, "sure but you still have some packing to do at the current place."

"Just clothes and some of Art and Erica's things and the rest is going to goodwill. The removalists will drop those items off before heading to the Bird's street house tomorrow with the kid's stuff and books. I'll get it done now so when you get back we are ready to check out our new home." He then looks at my joker of a brother. "Steve the cleaning crew is set to come tomorrow at noon and then the new furniture is being dropped off at four. You still cool to hang at the house for that?"

"Yeah Bro, my Keg brother's are coming to paint tomorrow afternoon so I should be all set to move in Sunday."

"You're moving into Dylan's place?" Great his soulmate is joining the conversation.

"Yeah Brandon and I are taking over the old McKay place." I look at my twin and raise an eyebrow.

"I haven't told them yet but since you are living full time at Bird street there isn't much point in me hanging around now."

"You're living full time at Dylan's new place?"

Before I can jump in Dylan answers his swim buddy. "It's not my place it's Brenda's and my home the house where we will raise our family. It's not mine it's both of ours, it's ours like everything else is in name and law." Both of my brother's eye's are boring into me, Kelly take's in a sharp breath. I glare at Dylan this wasn't necessary. He clocks my brother's looks and adopts an apologetical tone, "you haven't told them? Sorry I thought it was obvious." He's slightly embarrassed to have put me in this position and looks down noting my female anthropology textbook in my hand. "I mean it's the McKay Family home as the matriarch of the family I assumed they would all realise that your position in our family would mean that we are equals in everything."

"Isn't that Iris?"

Dylan looks at Andrea, "my mum defers to Bren's judgment, always has when it comes to me. Bren has always known me better than anyone, my Mum understands that. She knows Brenda's position in my life and our family, she and Erica naturally follow Bren's lead." He's fucking delusional, it's like Wednesday night didn't happen. I have no patience for this and have no desire to have this conversation in front of anyone.

I lean in and kiss my son, "we should get to class." With that I move away.

I told her I wasn't holding back that treading lightly was over. She may be relishing her anger but that won't be forever, her place is set in stone in my life and our family. Everyone has to understand that. My consistency will help her realise that I'm serious, my consistency will show her I'm trust worthy, my consistency better be the right bloody move. It worked after sophomore year, and I have to hope it will again.

By the time she gets home I've packed my clothes, what was left of Art's to pack, Erica's stuff and tossed out rubbish or wrapped up items for goodwill. Art has been keeping me company in his bouncer being an excellent listener as I told him about his Mummy catching me in the shower after I worked on Mondale.

Bren comes in in a mood, it's more than before so I assume something has happened. "You okay?"

"Your soulmate is on the warpath, thank you for that. She sat reminiscing about how weird it will be for you not to live here. I especially liked throughout her many stories of eating strawberries and sleeping over that she subtlety referenced all your combined shower's."

"Do you want the amount, it's below a handful or would you like our number I can list those times off and give you a description of what led up to them with us? I'll give you a hint we'll need all our hands to count ours." Seriously she rarely stayed here, and while she pretended to like her hair wet that summer and in that pool I learnt quickly that it was bullshit she was too image conscious to not give a fuck about her hair, and I don't have a hair dryer and wasn't rushing out to buy her one for here. Bren often showered here when we were together, before going home and I wasn't about to miss an opportunity to spend more time with her especially in that state of dress.

She isn't mollified by my response, "no, it would be more helpful if you could use your connection to get her to shut the hell up about your water sports."

"Believe me I never learnt how to get her to drop anything. Like a leach she eventually just sucks your will to care, you can't do anything to make her stop." I look in her eyes. "Now do we need to go back over the fact that that connection was based on bullshit imaginings of my childhood, that it wasn't real?" Honesty in all its forms.

"Yeah I don't think I need the repeat, just keep your soulmate in check and stop giving her something to fear. I'm not vying for her position, I'm not looking to be runner up."

My response is instant, "you aren't!"

"Now you're rewriting our history as it worked so well for you and Kelly, I have a pool, a park and a swing set that tells me otherwise." She goes to move to collect Art. "Excuse me I'm going to go spend some quality time with my son, he doesn't need to be around lies."

Fuck, this isn't how I wanted our afternoon to go, I don't want her hiding away from me. "Wait. David."

She stops and looks at me, her face morphing into concern over our friend. "He needs support, Donna is worried as is Kelly but she thinks he needs to figure it out on his own. I'm not sure if either of them suspect drugs or maybe Kelly does. Have you guy's been close last semester? He is a year younger he worked hard to be here with everyone I hope you and my brother's have been spending time with him."

"Honestly, no. The gang hasn't been big on quality time for a while, you see a couple at a time but no regular group hangouts. Our Friday coffee has only started since you have come back and that came about from your brother's waiting with me wanting to see you and Art. The girls joined waiting for you and your class. David has been kind of left to his own devices and with his all night radio show he lives pretty unsociable hours."

"Yeah that show time is crazy, especially every week night, it's too much with day classes."

"Look you know David reached out to me after my Dad, I'd like to return the favour help him now but with Art, and Erica is with us tomorrow night and Sunday as Suzanne has the early shift. The kids-"

"No of course they can't be around him, either on anything, coming down or withdrawing. What are you thinking?"

"I haven't been to AA in a while." She instantly gets a look of concern. "I stopped going every week during that summer, lies aren't part of the program. When you came back my attendance was sporadic and then when we broke up I pretty much gave up altogether. I get your look and I know- I was less than a year sober and obviously it wasn't the best move for me, the last eighteen months indicates that I still haven't changed my pattern. I can slide into that addict behaviour of escapism when faced with too much stress, I can stop being authentic and move to secrets, half truths and blame- not taking responsibility for my own actions. Even without moving to the bottle or anything else I can default to those patterns. There's a meeting on Sunday that is a joint AA and NA, are you okay taking both kids to your parents so I can bring David along?"

"Of course but will he go?"

"I don't know but I'll try and get him to at least one. He hopefully will identify with the others stories or will at least be open to a conversation trying to convince me that it's not his problem. It might be an in to talk."

"Should I reach out to Donna? If it was two years ago and you, I'd want to know. I'd absolutely need to know now." She's worried, she obviously wasn't aware of my abandoning of the program altogether, but it requires honesty and I have been running scared of that ever since that summer. Now with everything out in the open it might be time to recommit, get in touch with Ben more regularly, go back to the meetings.

"Relax I'm good, I wouldn't do that to Art, Erica or you. It's the first time in my life I've ever felt needed, and while you are the only person who as ever made me feel wanted for me all of me, the real me, the kids well…"

She helps adding words to what I'm trying to express. "The dependency they have, needing us to show up, be present, in tuned to them, it makes that-" Of course she gets it, gets me.

"Selfishness go. Yeah the escape of the bottle or anything else holds no appeal to me. As for Donna, if it was me you would have known already. You would have been aware in an instant, but I have a history that would have helped give you context to any suspicions; to Donna this is coming out of no where." I run my hands through my hair. "It would be better if he told her, for him to own whatever this is. Let's just see if he does that after Sunday." She nods and I look at the time. "Art's catnap is soon, shall we quickly go see our new home before that?"

She nods again. Our conversation had shifted the focus away from her anger the one she is holding close as a wall of protection. It's an anger that Kelly likes to feed either consciously or unconsciously. If I knew how to get her to stop I would, but our time together has taught me she is incapable of seeing past her own needs, she'll help people but will do so for the recognition the kudos.

The house is amazing and I can tell even through her pretend casualness she is excited. She begins to map out where the furniture will need to go tomorrow, knowing that Art's space will need priority by one of us to be immediately set up to cater for his nap times, followed by Erica's for tomorrow night. One of us will be left to direct the furniture delivery so we will both need awareness of her preferred placement, and it is her's. I offer very little in way of suggestion. All I want is a couch across from the fireplace, I like rubbing her feet while we read in front of the fire. She agrees as it offers the best configuration for the tv to be viewable in the cabinet next to the fireplace. The den will be better for longer tv watching or for movies, but as neither Bren or I are avid watchers, well except for Bren and Erica's weekly Home Improvement then the tv placement in here will do for that.

We leave the house and as we drive back down into the Beverly Hills flats I see a restaurant, and suggest an early dinner. Art has just begun his catnap so she agrees. It's awkward as she clearly doesn't want to speak about anything regarding us so instead I ask about her Doctor's and then we discuss Brandon's chances of making the task force. She brings up the need to meet Suzanne especially as she has accepted our offer to let us take Erica the nights before her breakfast shift's. We bring up the logistics of the move; Iris will need to be picked up so she can arrange her place, she'll be checking out of the hotel in the morning, and Steve will be coordinating the current place and the removalists. When the administration conversation of the next day eventually wears out she brings up Iris and her transport situation. She will be a little more removed from café's being out of the hotel and with both cars used some days she doesn't want her isolated up on the hill. She's right, Mum will need something, I promise to talk to her about it.

I then discuss the need to meet with the architect's that the realtor recommended see which one we like for Malibu. She is keen to arrange that before our first course papers are due. When we begin talking budget she asks about funding and if her Dad released more funds? I advise her that we have enough for the plans and the initial stages but I was thinking a line of credit or a mortgage against the Beverly Hills house for the final stages of the build. She immediately understands I'm serious in keeping this aspect of our family business between us, Iris has an idea but that is it. We will both need to go to the bank for that, and it will mean that our money will need a little more monitoring but with Steve's rent and both of us not big spenders, for those few months the loan is in place we should be fine.

When Art becomes restless wanting out of the pram, we go home. Well to the Beverly Hills house, home is the new place now.

The move goes well and by the next night Art is asleep, Iris is in her new place decorating and feng shuiing the house, and Erica is sitting between us watching a Disney cartoon in her pyjamas. Bren is exhausted and is already in her own set. I'm wrecked but still buzzing unable to stop looking at our new home, it's amazing. Bren has had pictures blown up and framed for the walls, there are ones of the kids with each of us, one of Jack and I when I was a toddler, Iris holding me as a baby, the twins in year three together, her parents with them as babies, she even reached out to Samantha and found one of Steve and I in middle school standing next to each other in the class picture- she somehow managed to get the photoshop to cut everyone else out. The photo wall is amazing and you can see from the pictures the family features. I love that wall, I love that my girl doesn't want expensive art displayed that's not what she values, our family is more inspirational and beautiful than any painting could be, she gets that.

The main room is big but Brenda has made it comfy with lamps, rugs, throws and pillows; it's the kind of room that looks beautiful but welcoming. The guest rooms are fine, they are functional spaces, I want no comfort there they are not spaces I want either Bren or I to see as long term rooms. Our bedroom on the other hand is awesome, not that Bren has put one foot in there. It was set up from my memory of how she mapped it when we purchased the furniture and rug, I made sure to follow those plans exactly; I even got Mum to help me make the bed up with Bren's purchases so that the room is complete. It now sits just waiting for it's owners to claim it and add our joint personal touches. The double doors to the room I have left wide open in hopes of getting her to enter the space, make her fall in love with it with us in there together forever.

The kids rooms are organised but Erica's needs a little more furniture and decoration. Bren has promised tomorrow after a late breakfast that they can go out and look for more items together. Art and I will gladly hang at home, I'd be happy to never leave. No, I'd be happy to lock the gate with the five of us here and never leave. Having a permanent home full of the people I love is magical!