Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Twenty-Five: Gifts
I've sat here through his less than subtle digs at our home, how it's undeserved and over the top. I bit my tongue when he emphasised Brandon shouldn't be helping at The Pit as he has such amazing things ahead, I don't care that he doesn't have concerns for me but I've never heard him talk that way about his daughter. His concern has always been about wanting her to have a better boyfriend like the only life goal he see's for her is to marry well. To now have to have to hear him actively working for her to achieve that goal is fucking disgusting.
He picked his time well, whatever happened while I was getting dressed put her in running mode leaving her more inclined to doubt herself and us. Through the kitchen window as I waited on the coffee to brew and organised the dessert plates I could see her distress, he said something to make her go blank and I'd bet it was either about the blonde or the cheating. When Cindy leaned in and from what I could see put on her sympathetic mum voice with the corresponding wise face I should have trusted my gut and gone the hell out there. What where they hoping she'd date, get a new boyfriend and then move home to them? They haven't been successful in getting her away from me in all other ways and from what Brandon told me she has set the only clear boundary with them, they try another move on me like they did before Paris then they are out of our lives for good. This is obviously an alternative path they are walking.
They. It used to be Jim only, but whether it's in response to nearly losing her daughter, being so cut off from her life changing experience or simply she is pandering to Jim's wishes, whatever it is Cindy is completely in on this. Since I forced my way into the conversation Bren can't look at me not that I have attempted to look at her, she is not deserving of one bit of my anger. Jim is smiling at me like the cat that got the cream waiting for me to react like the teenage boy he once knew. It's clear that this is his play, winning either by my overreaction or no reaction. Either way Bren will be advised I'm either too controlling or don't care at all.
"Are you both serious with this? Your daughter is taking it easy so she doesn't risk permanent liver and lung damage, she's on strong medication to control her body so she's around for our son's graduation, wedding, for our grandkids and great grandchildren. She's supporting Suzanne and I so we can help Nat keep his business and keep his staff employed. She's raising our son whilst attending College, running around nursing between classes trying to limit the impact on Arthur from all the changes. She as always is being an amazing sister involved in both her brother's lives, is supporting her friends in their struggles, and she's keeping to your now three times a week Walsh schedule so you don't feel disconnected. On top of all that though you want her to start dating? You hate me that much that you'd risk her health, take time away from her taking it easy so she can find someone else."
"Dylan as shocking as this may be to hear, this isn't about you our daughters life has been put on hold for too long, we want her to go and have some age appropriate fun. She's nineteen for god sake and you have her living the life of someone a decade older. She deserves to have fun. If she meets someone she wants to spend more time with then that's wonderful, if not then she's taking steps to move past this childish romance. I mean you made them right? You dated Kelly for nine months, took her on a romantic trip to Europe for the summer, all while my daughter was fighting to keep herself and your son alive. It was okay for you to move on but not her, is that what you are saying?"
I could see her spirit get smaller he had to bring up the fucking blonde mistake. "Jim if Brenda wants to date, if that is something she needs to try then I'll support her. I told her just last night I'll support her always and forever, but it should be on her terms when she is ready."
"She agreed, she's ready."
"Yeah she agreed after how much manipulation for you both."
"We don't manipulate our daughter Dylan. You may not be familiar with this but in families we share our concerns, we look out for the other. Jim and I are simply encouraging Brenda to take some time for herself, as you pointed out she is doing so much for others we want her to be a little selfish and have some fun."
Art who has been laying in his bouncer starts to get grizzly so I pick him up, Bren looks at the time and rises up. "It's almost time for his afternoon nap." She walks closer to me but won't make eye contact. As she leans down and kisses Arthur's head and moves to take him from me I quietly squeeze her hand making her look up at me. She's uncomfortable with all of this, my proud girl doesn't like appearing fragile or weak enough to be manipulated, but her defences are low.
"You go feed him and I'll finish organising the dessert." She gives me a look of concern afraid I guess to leave us together, I whisper "relax I'll play nice, even if all I want to do is kick them out and shut our gate."
When she has left the porch I look to my sister, "Erica do you want to try the dessert or just have a scoop of ice cream?"
She comes running up to me, "can I have ice cream a scoop of chocolate and strawberry please?"
"Two scoops, that's an awful lot."
"Two baby scoops?"
"Fine but go wash your hands first." As I make my way inside I purposefully ignore Jim and Cindy, nothing I say now will help keep my promise to Bren. By the time I return with the tray of coffees, dessert and ice cream I have regrouped enough to keep my calm. As I serve out the coffees and begin to cut the cheesecake Mum picked up this morning I try and remind myself dessert is the end of the meal, not long till they leave our home.
Erica who is making a soup out of her ice cream begins to chat about watching a movie tonight. When I remind her that she's with her mum tonight as she has tomorrow off she gets a little sad. Cindy picks up on this.
"You like living here I gather, but I'm sure your mum misses you terribly."
"Yeah I guess but it's kinda lonely at the apartment, mum's always on the phone. I think she's got a new boyfriend."
This was news to me, "really?"
"Yeah all week after school when I'm sent to my room to do my homework she's been phoning a guy named Kevin."
I can tell my sister is less than happy about this and it's understandable she has had so many new people in her life, a new school, new homes, her mum's new job that is taking a lot of time away from her, a new guy might be too much. "Sweetheart want me to ask her about it?"
"No she'll get angry that I heard her on the phone, I was supposed to be in my room with my door closed quietly doing my homework." I didn't know Suzanne was that strict but maybe she really values education.
Bren comes out a few minutes later, Cindy is asking Erica about her favourite subject at school. My sister is still in a funk and Bren instantly picks up on it. She comes and stands behind her and begins to smooth down her hair. "You making ice cream soup again, was it plane chocolate or did you convince Dylan for a second scoop?"
My sister turns and beams at Bren, "chocolate and strawberry, he caved but they were baby scoops." She smiles and nods.
"Did he at least put up a fight?"
"Nope I just used the big eyes you do at him, he caved immediately." Bren starts tickling her as I smile enjoying the scene and the first real happy emotion from Bren since I left her with her cheeks bright red.
"What do you mean big eyes? I don't use big eyes to get what I want." Bren's teasing voice is full of mock offence.
"Yes you do. That's how you convinced him to watch the little mermaid with us again and sing along to Sebastian's song or how you got him to change Art's smelly diaper the other morning."
Erica is a hundred percent correct, since the moment we met if Bren gives me her big eyes I'm agreeing to anything. When Erica starts tickling her back Bren surrenders and sits down. Erica is between us but I smile over the little girls head, "you know she is right."
"Please you don't agree to everything."
"Name one thing that I haven't agreed to when you have used those eyes?"
She's quiet for a long time and when I raise my eyebrow in question she gives me a teasing scowl, "shut up." My loud laugh is interrupted by a throat clearing, oh yeah they are still here.
The conversation becomes stiff after that with reminders from both for Brenda to reach out to her grandparents and uncles more. It's a strange request considering Bren writes to both families weekly sending a new picture with each letter and weekly either calls Bobby, Grandma Walsh or Grandma Beevis. She has even taken to making both Erica and I talk to them. Jim's Mum is awesome, she's tough like her granddaughter but with a wicked sense of humour. It's clear that both parents don't know about her correspondence and are assuming that she is too distracted by our family here.
By the time they leave I'm exhausted from biting my tongue, as Bren who had walked them out comes back in the room it's clear she is exhausted as well. I don't ask if she's okay I simply move to her side, "want me to draw you a bath? I have to go drop Erica off now so you can take a few minutes to soak and calm down."
"You don't have to I can do it myself."
"Let me I've missed taking care of you this week, I dislike missing our nightly routine. When Brandon hires and trains another wait staff this week to open and close I'll be thrilled. You can rest more and I can be home with our family." She smiles and nods in agreement. When I get back she has platted Erica's hair and is confirming that it's only one night she'll be gone. She gives me concerning eyes over the little girls head, it's not unlike her to not want to leave but it's unlike her to be so vocal about it. I give her knowing eyes indicating we will chat later.
By the time I get home Art is just waking up and after a quick diaper change I move him into the main room and put him in his bouncer while I light a fire. When Bren comes out in lounge wear we are on a blanket on the floor doing tummy time. She joins us down there and we quietly play with our son. When Art moves to playing on his back with his mobile gym set above his head, I fill her in on Suzanne's potential new boyfriend Kevin. Like me she thinks that may explain Erica's new vocal hesitation to go home. After a few minutes of quiet she finally speaks again.
"Sorry about the kitchen earlier it was a stupid thought that got me stuck in a loop."
"Can I ask what it was?"
"Girls try out signatures, Donna literally wouldn't talk to some guy's as she knew their name wouldn't work with her's." I bite my lip from laughing, seriously girls do this she gives me an amused and embarrassed look. "Well you obviously saw how I doodled in class, the rest of the girls besides Andrea were the same. Kelly's favourite was to hyphenate." Oh okay I'm guessing where her mind went. "They are stupid thoughts but every time I think I've got rid of my anger and let us go I get hit with something else, even stupid things like hyphenated signatures are now getting me moody. You don't deserve that- sorry."
"Hey I deserve worse. You haven't yelled about that summer, lashed out about any of it really. If the things you can cope with getting angry about are the small things then that's okay get as mad as you want about hyphens. You have blocked this all out for so long, firstly to help me with my Dad and then needing to focus on the pregnancy. You have covered up and ignored countless major and minor hurts, that can't go on. Believe me I'm a master at it, it's why I drank and did drugs, and why I ran away from us. For you to get past it you need to deal with them face them."
"I know. Last week the day we got the keys to here I took Art for a walk in a park, it's the first time I had been back in one. I sat there until I could sit through that memory."
"You're braver than me, I haven't been able to drive past that park since. I go blocks out of my way to avoid it. There is nothing about that day I want to remember, for months and months I had your voice telling me you hated me playing in my head in a loop. I guess I need to take my own advice to and stop avoiding looking at my actions."
She is quiet for a long time just looking at the fire. "Dylan about the date-"
I interrupt her not sure I can handle her saying it's her way of telling me we are finally over. "I don't need the details but can I ask a few questions?" She nods.
"Is this something you want to do?"
She is silent for a long time, "I don't know. It feels weird, I'm so tied to you but I don't know if that's just my hormones from the pregnancy and nursing speaking or if it's something more. Last year Tony asked me to Prom and when he asked he politely took my hand and sprouted off… well he said some nice things." I bet he did, like most of the guy's at school he had a mad crush on my girl they were constantly waiting to pounce. "I said no and went to the bathroom and scrubbed my hand, it felt wrong for anyone to be touching me with harmless but romantic intentions when I was pregnant with your child it's the last time anyone but you has touched me with those intentions. Even the guy's who asked after him I said no too, I went with Brandon, Steve and Celeste instead. I spent most of the night lightheaded, the nausea was pretty bad then and I had only just that week been given the protein shake from Steve. My body was pretty malnourished from the constant vomiting, Steve at one stage tried to dance with me but the spinning made me lose my balance he had to hold me up to move me back to my seat."
"Is that why you declined my request to dance?"
"Yeah I didn't want to collapse. Lucky I did otherwise I'd probably be accused of drinking myself."
"You know you looked stunning that night."
"I looked pale and gaunt, an interesting contrast considering I was also trying to hide my newly tiny popped belly. Poor Steve and Brandon they took me dress shopping a number of times." She wore a black satin dress, it had I guess inch thick straps and it skimmed just above the floor, her hair was out long with some body to it but straight, she had dark lips. When she walked in to Mel's she looked like an old Hollywood movie star, but somehow managed to seem like she achieved it by just putting on the dress and I guess she had. She didn't need hours to get ready she was naturally stunning. That night her beauty seemed effortless. In a room full of up do's, too much makeup and over the top dresses she turned heads. "I couldn't have something too tight on my stomach and as I was so pale light colours kept washing me out, drawing notice to the dark circles under my eyes. I wasn't sleeping much then as I was stressing about how I was going to do this, how I was going to keep him alive without resorting to going into hospital."
"Hospital?"
"If Steve hadn't found a protein shake I could stomach my Doctor was discussing having me on a drip the following week. The anti-nausea medication wasn't working so a few day's in hospital on a drip seemed like the best option." I remember being upset that she said no to me that night. Kelly had finally disappeared to the bathroom and as she had avoided me at Mel's and had been quiet with me the weeks before the prom, well since Kelly's birthday actually, I finally had the opportunity for a few minutes alone together to hold her, she said no. I went and took my photos with Kelly after that kissing her the whole time, I needed something to distract my head. My idiotic behaviour knew no bounds that year. Looking back with new eyes, I was hurt from a rejected dance request she's worried about collapsing from the toll carrying our child was taking on her body. Just how much she has gone through hits me again, how hard the last eighteen months have been on her.
She doesn't know if she is tied to me because of Art, I know she's not it's more than that but she doesn't. I swallow and say words I never thought I'd ever say. "You should go next Saturday." She turns to me quickly. "I want you to know when you come back to me that it's more than just Art and hormones. I want you to know that being with me is a choice not an obligation because we have a son and a home together. I want you to know that while people can turn your head and it's flattering… how did you say it junior year… that you would rather smile and look away because what we have is more important, meaningful and let's face it magical than anything else someone could offer." I reach up and with the back of my fingers rub down her soft cheek. "Go on your date and be flattered from the attention, remember what life was like before bottles, tablets, hospitals and diapers. Spend a few hours being a nineteen year old woman."
"You don't mind?"
"I mind, believe me I mind, but I ran and learnt that I'll never want or can be happy with anyone but you; that every bit of distance between us feels wrong. I might need to give you space to learn that too." She gives me a shy smile, man what I wouldn't give to kiss her now. The desire makes the voice in my head saying this is stupid you could lose her grow louder, "just don't go falling madly in love okay, or let me know if it gets close. You running is one thing, you running too far is a whole other thing. Don't think I wont start chasing you."
She laughs, "don't worry if I decide to run off to Vegas and elope you'll be my first call."
The blood in my veins turns to ice, I lean my face forward and take liberties I haven't since I told her everything. I just need to breathe her in to settle myself. As I run my nose up the side of her neck I make my way to her ear. "Mrs McKay if you are running off to elope it will be with me to Baja. No phone call will be required as I'll be the one holding your hand, the one whose ring will be on your finger, the one you'll be committing to for eternity."
She whispers back, "eternity I thought it was till death do us part."
"That's not going to be long enough Baby. I want you in this life and every other one. I can't imagine this is our first one around either, I mean how else do you explain that locker? We meet and our whole life shifts and realigns." I can't call us soulmates, I ruined that word when I threw it around to explain a shared childhood experience one that wasn't altogether true. We breathe each other in for a moment and then our son's squeal has us moving back. He has managed to pull off his socks and is now flapping his arms about in excitement.
The next day fly's by, Donna and David come over and like everyone else are shocked by our home. It's not a formal occasion like with her parents, it's a jeans, t-shirt, baby squeals, Erica rambling, weekend homework checking, fire blazing, roast chicken, baked potato and salad evening. It's full of the noise's of our family and is a dance well co-ordinated and missed this last week. While I cut the salad stuff, she looks after the chicken, while I check the English homework she sets the table, she checks the maths as I cut the chicken. It's done without any conversation and is seamless.
David on leaving our house to attend the meeting looks at me. "Is that what you guy's are like every night?" I give him a questioning look but nod. "Shit that is the type of house I wanted to grow up in. Donna's home life was pretty stable but… you've meet Felice she is conservative to say the least. Donna said the same thing to me, asked if we should ask to be adopted by you guy's." I laugh at that. "Do whatever you have to make her come back to you, and know if my sister gets in the way I'll intervene. Art and Erica deserve that home, and when you guy's are officially back together I can only imagine what it's going to feel like to be there."
"She's going on a date next weekend, I told her to go."
"Have you been drinking, drugs, did you fall on your head?"
"She doesn't trust us, I'm hoping that this may help her get there sooner."
"That's one hell of a gamble. If she likes him what are you going to do?"
"Be supportive of her and attend more meetings."
"Okay so you are still going through your idiot stage I see. You should share this with Ben, self sabotage seems like a theme for you."
"I'm praying it's not going to be that."
"Whose the guy?"
"No idea. Jim set it up." He laughs at that.
"And I though Felice was bad. Jim is aiming for most controlling parent of the year I see."
"Cindy is supporting him."
"Shit, that's surprising."
"I think almost losing her daughter multiple times this year and being kept in the dark about it because of me has destroyed her acceptance of us. I think she blames me, I'm not even sure she is aware she is doing it but since Brenda's come back she has been cold."
"Does Brenda see it?"
"She see's they are not wanting us together but she doesn't have the energy to fight it and I'm not sure she has the will to either. I'm hoping… I'm doing a lot of hoping."
"You said you'd wait year's, decades. She is a month home tomorrow. In that month she has agreed to move in with you permanently when she refused to at first, she has bought a forever home with you, and has practically adopted your sister to raise as your guy's daughter. If that's month one I think your hope is not misplaced. Let's hope giving her space to see that other fish in the sea are not worthwhile doesn't back fire."
Monday morning is spent driving Erica to school and then visiting my Doctor's so the nurse can draw my bloods and then I'm sent for my X-ray's. Iris has Art this morning so afterwards we can drop in and see how Nat is going after his surgery. Dylan asks if we should get flowers but I tell him if he's in intensive care they aren't allowed as it's as close to a clean space as they can make it.
"How do you know that?"
"I spent some time in there the day's before Art was born. The patience are monitored consistently and it's set up to handle high risk cases."
"I know you have explained the birth and our Brother's have indicated it was close, but how close are we talking?"
"It doesn't matter now, I'm fine." He looks over at me and raises his eyebrow, considering we have just come from my weekly blood draw I get his sceptical look. "It's fine I'm getting better."
"Let's hope that is what the tests say on Friday."
Nat's doing well, he is weak but he's in good spirits, especially when he hears that we are on our way to finalise the purchase of The Pit. Brandon will be stopping past later to give him a copy of the contract. He tells us he is considering getting it framed. We meet Joey and Brandon at Dylan's well I guess our lawyers office. Once the terms are all read over and Joey signs, Dylan writes up the cheque and then passes it to me. I ignore Brandon's questioning eyes and instead look at the amount. I thought the furniture one was a lot this has me a little floored, especially as this is part of my life now. Trying to focus on Nat I sign my name and pass it back to Dylan to do the honours. By the time we leave the office the guy's are individually the proud owner's of a twenty-five percent stake of the Peach Pit. Besides the ownership papers, the guy's also have a separate contract for the requirements of Brandon's gifted twenty-five percent, it's additional security for both them and Nat. It also means neither can sell their stake without the consent of the other and they each along with Nat have first purchase rights to any stake sale.
"You guy's want to fill me in on Brenda's required signature? I couldn't see your name any where in the contract, unless it's a separate thing with Dylan."
Dylan gives me a look indicating it's my call, "I'm a signatory on Dylan's personal account. As you know Dad doesn't know about the purchase so this is being paid to from the personal account."
"Your sister when she got her cheque book was a little frightened by access and the fear of losing the blank book, so the bank offered us additional security on large cheques. It needs both our signatures otherwise they won't clear."
He smiles at us as if he thought of something funny, "what?"
"You do know that means you've made it so Dylan can't never surprise you with anything really expensive. Considering you hate surprises I think that was your intention all along."
Dylan's face is actually morphs into mock concern. "Shit I didn't think of that."
"Dylan you will never spend that type of money on a surprise for me, so relax." His eyes dart to my left hand and he lifts his eyebrow, I shake my head at the delusional man.
"Relax I've figured out the loopholes, surprises are still in your future." I give him a mock glare.
Brandon is on close as I wanted Dylan to have a special family night. Dylan even asked Suzanne if Erica could come over early, she happily agreed. When he was out picking her up I put the finishing touches on dinner and then quickly wrap Erica and my gift, setting it on the desk for Erica to grab post dinner. After we have finished our relaxing and quiet family meal, Erica begins to bounce.
"Can I go get it?"
"Help me clear the plates and then you can." Dylan who is holding Art gives us a curious look.
Erica has the table cleared and is running to the study before I'm even back at the table. "She's excited. Do you know what today is?"
"A month since you came home and at around twelve twenty this morning a year since our son was conceived."
"It was yesterday I thought you forgot."
"We watched movies a year ago yesterday but we didn't go upstairs till close to midnight. Considering you kicked me out not long after in fear your brother would get home at one am from his guy's night with Steve I'm pretty familiar with the times of our night along with all the other details. If you need me to once the kids are in bed I can give you a blow by blow account or better yet a reenactment."
"Yeah no I think I'm good with the details of the night."
"If you change your mind." I shake my head.
Erica comes running into the room well as fast as she can run with the hardcover book. She is bouncing as she hands it to him, he enthusiastically reads the card and comments on her beautiful drawing of all four of us. Before he opens the book I take Art so he can focus on the gift. When he opens the book and gets to the first page he gets quiet. It's Arthur's first sonogram taken a few day's after I discovered I was pregnant. He slowly looks at it and runs his finger over the little blurry image. He then reads the books title, 'My Journey to My Daddy'.
If the blurry picture got him quiet the next ones make him openly cry. Steve had gotten his Polaroid the day after I had found out, he insisted on taking a picture of my bare stomach side on. Until I left he took one each month on that day. He gifted me with a Polaroid camera with a timer when I left for Minnesota. I continued on the tradition. Erica and I had put them in order and dated each on them for the month I was pregnant. Dylan is on that page for a while studying each picture closely. The last one is few days before I give birth, considering I had to be induced early it wasn't supposed to be my last one.
The next page is random pictures of me throughout my pregnancy. There is a side profile Steve made me do on Prom night in my dress. He thought years later when everyone knew they'd kick themselves for not seeing the subtle bump, though I did have to gather the lose material to make it tighter so it could be seen in the dress. There is me on bed rest. Drinking my protein shake. A collage of pictures of Brandon and Steve taking me to my fortnightly then weekly Doctors appointments in LA and then me going to them in Minnesota by myself then with my grandparents.
When he gets to the pages of the day's before and on Arthur's birth he reaches for my hand. He can tell I wasn't well. I had shown him some pictures of Arthur's first few day's in hospital and even a couple of me pregnant but to see them and many more altogether has him seeing the transformation in me. Erica has tried to make each page fun with little pictures. The page Dylan is stuck on has a pencil drawn hospital and an ambulance zooming around the page. I'm not sure he sees any of that his eyes are glued to the monitors and me in the hospital bed. I'm smiling but he hovers his finger just over my eyes he looks up once he studies my eyes. "How close?"
"Doesn't matter."
"They were the same eyes you had when I found you that night on the floor of The Pit. How close?" I don't respond, he lifts my hand to his mouth. "Baby I'm sorry I should have been there, you shouldn't have been feeling that…" he looks to Erica then back to me, "without me there."
"You can't apologise for something you didn't know about."
"My actions made me not know. This is completely on me."
"Dylan-"
"Baby-"
We stare at each other until Erica gets impatient and tells Dylan to turn the page as guess who awaits, he complies. There are a page of pictures of our Brother's in hospital covers holding my hand and then pictures of me holding a tiny Art seconds after he was born. The next pages are of Arthur's first few hours and pictures of us leaving the hospital. He looks through the next three months with a keen interest commenting on all the changes in each. When he gets to our time in LA he is overwhelmed. There are pages of all Dylan's firsts carefully labeled by Erica, there are pictures he wasn't aware I had taken or pictures Iris or Erica had taken without us knowing. When he gets to the end he is trying to wipe away his tears and compose himself, it's because of this it takes him a minute to see the large white envelope. He gives me a curious look and I indicate for him to open it.
"I realised you didn't have a copy so I thought you might like one." He opens it up and his face bursts into a smile, it's Arthur's birth certificate it has his full name and both Dylan and I listed as the parents.
"This needs to be framed, well a copy of it for the study wall." Once he has given Erica a big hug and has asked multiple questions about her drawings. He moves to me and kisses my head, then kneels down to face Art and I, "thank you for the gift, my son and for the best month of my life. I'm not sure I love you really captures the depth of what I feel for you. You are literally woven throughout me, you are a part of my DNA. It doesn't do it justice it never has for what I feel for you but I love you."
Once the kids are asleep and we are both showered we are back on the couch. Dylan with his new favourite book and me with a cup of tea. "You going to open it?"
He hasn't looked up from his pictures of me showing off my growing baby bump so I'm unsure what he is referring to. "Open what?"
He nods to the coffee table and the small box sitting on top of my weekly readings, the ones I'm ignoring. He isn't looking at me but he smiles knowing I've spotted it. When I lean down to pick it up I notice it's a ring box, my breath catches. Without looking up from his pictures he calmly speaks to me. "Relax I'm not on one knee and believe me I'm of the belief if you don't kneel it doesn't count. When I ask it will damn well count."
I calmly open the box and my eyes go big, it's a beautiful pear shaped white opal ring with diamonds on either side. It's stunning. "It's Arthur's birth stone and well mine as well. It's engraved on the band." I look inside it has 31.1.1993 AJM 1.10.1993. I run my fingers over the numbers. "It's for your right hand. I was thinking… well it doesn't matter now, but I wanted you to have a piece of jewellery that represented our son. Do you like it?"
"It's beautiful, I love it." Once I put it on I look over at him his head is still in those photos. "Thank you."
"It's nothing in comparison to what you have given me."
"What were you thinking?"
"It doesn't matter now."
"Please will you tell me?"
He is silent for a minute. "I was thinking for every child we had I'd give you another piece of jewellery with their birth stone, but we won't be having any more kids."
He doesn't say it harshly just as if it's fact, it stings a lot more than I thought it would to hear him say that. "You finally acce-"
He instantly looks up at me. "No bite your tongue, that's never something I'll accept but seeing this how sick you were, still are. Well we aren't going to have more kids and risk you. You're too important to me, I don't think I could go on if you weren't here any longer, and I know I couldn't if it was because of my own selfish needs."
"Dylan that book was to make you feel included in Art's growth it wasn't to make you upset."
"You were so sick. Look at you at six months you have this beautiful baby belly but your arms and thighs are so tiny."
"Okay stop looking at those pages."
"Should I skip to you being in ICU, with all those machines?"
"Do I need to take the book?"
"No I love the book but it brings home how much you have been dealing with and here I am wanting you to sort it out in a month while you you have so much going on. I'm an id-" I close the book and take it from his hands.
"Dylan you are spinning, obsessing over those pages is not helpful. Now let's try this over again."
"You want a repeat of what?"
"Thank you for my beautiful ring I love it. Though the date is wrong."
"No it's not."
"It was Saturday the 30th."
"We watched movies on the 30th, well watched is a lose term you sat there reciting each word."
"Footloose is a classic you can't not follow along, and please you sat through Point Break critiquing their surfing."
"I had to, you kept doing a comparison of who is hotter Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing or in Point Break."
"I'm still undecided, there is something about a man who can dance but then with a surf board coming out of the ocean." I raise my eyebrows.
"It's a good thing I can dance and surf. You don't have to decide."
"Would we say you could dance like Patrick?" I shake my head.
He's no longer spinning and is back in the moment. "That's what you said that night which resulted in a tickle attack that turned into you getting that ring. Now if we had stayed downstairs then you would have been correct but you were worried someone would come in so we moved upstairs. Very slowly and well we got in your room a few minutes before midnight."
"So I could be right I mean a few min-" before I can finish he is tickling me.
"Take it back?"
"Nope." He tickles me again.
"Take it back?"
"Mmmmmm" he slowly stops thinking he's going to win, "nnnoooppe!"
Before we know it we are laughing and wrestling like we were the day after our first kiss out on that lawn, this time we are on our couch in our home. Somewhere along the way we stop and just look at each other, "I would gladly stay like this forever but tomorrow is a busy day for you especially with your long drama workshop, you need sleep." I nod but neither of us move, he begins playing with my hair. "I'm sorry for obsessing over the book. You were beautiful pregnant with our child, but I can read you, your eyes had so much worry. I didn't like seeing that."
"Well I had a lot to worry about, I mean have you seen our perfect son that level of perfection took a lot of energy and concentration."
"What happens if the next pregnancy is like that again?" I give him a look. "Sorry I'm jumping ahead, you have to finish running away first before you can begin to run back to me."
"You are so sure, I'm not."
"You'll run back because you'll want more moments like this and this is special only to us." He looks at me then gets up, "now come on bed."