Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Thirty: Going For Cake I Mean Pie
Is this why she had been a little quieter since her date on Saturday, she thinks there's a chance she could fall in love. It would serve me right a year ago this week I completely destroyed us and nearly destroyed her, it would be fitting, karma for her to do the same a year later to me. I cut her off as I'm still too weak to hear words of love from her lips aimed at another.
"Your date went that well? This is what has you so quiet, the fact that you are falling for him." I try and slow my rapid heartbeat, in an attempt not to freak out. If I become demanding she might not see us living together as sustainable. I try and tell myself liking someone is not the same as a full relationship. I could chase her but I know she still doesn't trust me, if I move too quickly I could lose her and alienate her in the process. For the time being I guess I'm stuck living through this hell. "I'm sorry if I have made it hard for you to tell me that, you don't owe me anything I was the one who demolished us, you have done nothing. You shouldn't feel like you need to protect me or hide your excitement, you shouldn't feel bad for thinking about letting someone else in, it wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for me. It's my fault and I'm sorry for making you feel like you couldn't be yourself for the last few days." As I talked I had continued to stand close to her with my hand still in her hair, trying to keep the pain off my face. Shit I probably should move away I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
As I go to step back she gives me an amused look, it makes me pause. "From my half sentence, five words, you've had a whole thing going on inside your head and out of your mouth. You ready to hear the sentence in full?"
From her face and tone I don't think it's bad, Bren would never give me a false sense of security only to break me, that was only something I had been capable of doing. I nod.
"Speaking of being in love, the guy I've been on three dates with has well, he's either an even faster faller than Brandon or he is caught up in the idea of love. Considering how little he knows of me I'm thinking it's the idea."
I move closer again and lean in and kiss her forehead taking a calming breath when I'm there, as I move back I look in her eyes with amusement- she doesn't know how perfect she is. "Are you saying he's taking this very seriously?" She nods, "and you have determined that it can only be the idea of love that has him like that, not the fact that he has had the privilege of your undivided attention for a number of hours. That after spending time with you, seeing your intelligence, wit, caring and honest nature and the fact you are the most stunning woman inside and out, none of that he could have begun to fall for but rather you've determined it must be the idea?"
"I thought you would be telling me he's insane and to get away from him?"
"Falling for you happened in less than a second for me, I think it's insane that it has taken him three dates. Definitely not worthy." She gives me a sweet smile it's almost the same one she gave me when I fell for her. "Now regardless of him, you haven't felt easy about this. Is it the flowers?"
"I think he followed me back up the hill." My eyes go wide and on instinct I look to see that our son is safe and tighten my hold on her. "Relax Papa Bear, I don't think it's stalkerish at all I think he probably wanted to make sure I got home safe."
"You haven't asked?"
"No he may have had no ill intent but he did cross the line, the flowers and gif…"
"There was no gift with the flowers?"
She looks down and bites her lip, "a gift arrived on Monday afternoon while the delivery trucks were here. It was for Valentine's Day and well it isn't something I'm going to keep."
"Because it came here?"
"No because it's too much. It's another reason I'm thinking that it's all too much."
"What are you going to do?" I would be lying if I said that her maybe wanting to stop seeing this guy wasn't the best news, especially as we approached anniversaries of shitty times in our relationship and the one year anniversary of Jack's death grew closer.
"I'm taking him for cake on Saturday afternoon for his birthday, he asked by the car when I said I couldn't make his birthday dinner on Saturday night with his parents."
"Do we have plans on Saturday night?" She shakes her head. "Do you want plans on Saturday night so you aren't lying?"
"All these upcoming day's are mixed between rubbish memories for me but special times you got to share with Jack. I think as they approach it's best we lay low, our emotions will be all over the place."
"My memories of Jack are special but the others were rubbish for me too. My counsellor at the community centre thinks I should attend more meetings over these weeks." She gives me a look of concern, "relax not because of an increased temptation but for the sense of community, a forum to share if I need to; work through the emotions that will be stirred up."
"That's a good idea. You know you have a large family here if you want to feel that sense of community we could gather them. The girls were asking about how you were going today with the anniversary approaching, I know our brother's are worried as well. If you wanted they would all come up here and support you either on the day or leading up to it."
"Like a party?"
"I was thinking more a quiet family lunch or dinner, no music or anything like that but just a chance for you to be around your family, let you know you are supported. You wouldn't have to talk if you didn't want to, no one would expect you to do that. It's just an idea."
"What about instead we shut the door on everyone and just be here together? Your support is the one I needed then and it's still the only one I need now. You are still the only one I trust completely." She gives me a smile.
"Yeah we can do that as well."
"Good. Though to mark the end of this month of horrible points in our family history we could have a bbq with everyone. The house is done and everyone has been helping out so much at the Pit, Nat will nearly be back on his feet by then. I could arrange it with Brandon so the Pit has the new staff on, and well we can invite Willie and his family, Suzanne, the gang, everyone up here for a celebration and thank you for keeping the Pit going."
"Are you actually wanting to be hospitable and host a party Mr McKay? Where's my grumpy loner gone?"
"I'm still yours, but I'm growing up. I mean I'll have to get used to these things right, birthday's, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween? Art, Erica and our future kids should get all the traditions."
"Future kids, I thought you had sworn off those?"
"I have sworn off anything that puts you at risk but your Doctor assures me that as they now know what to expect that you can be carefully monitored throughout any future pregnancies from the start, and while there is an increased risk of reoccurrence it's only a slightly higher percentage increase than normal."
"Do I need to take your Doctor phone privileges away from you?"
"What I offered you my notes from the phone call, it's all in there on page four under potential for future reoccurrence." She gives me a look. "I am not suggesting once you are all better that we rush out to expand our family, though we should practise, maybe complete a lot of practise." She adds a raised eyebrow to her look. "I am just saying that it is an option I am now once again one hundred percent behind, when you decide you are ready."
"You do know I am seeing someone else right?"
"Yeah but you aren't that into him." I give her my sexy smile, "so bbq with our family and friends at the start of March?"
She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, but doesn't correct me. "Sounds good. You know your potatoes are boiling over?"
I managed to save the potatoes before they turned to overcooked mush. Dinner was nice with the four of us chatting a way. When I went down the hill to collect Erica from Suzanne's I was ready to rush home for some more time with my girl and our kids. It wasn't fair to Suzanne and I did respect her place in Erica's life, and I knew we couldn't have her with us forever, but I was going to enjoy the four of us being together while I could. I was also ready to return home as I no longer needed to feel nervous about seeing the flowers, they may still be in there but I knew what they meant to her now and it wasn't what that guy hoped for.
When I got to Suzanne's door, I knocked and could hear Erica's feet rush to answer. She practically threw herself into my arms when the door was open. "Hey Sweetheart, how was your day at school?"
"Good. I got an A on my book report."
"You did? Well that is awesome can I see it? Is it on the fridge?"
"No Mum doesn't like stuff on the fridge she says in a small space it just looks messy."
"Fair enough. Well if you brought it home can you bring it up to the house I'd love to read the report again and see the feedback from your teacher, I'm sure Bren would love that as well."
"I'll go put it in my school bag, it's just on my desk." With that she runs off.
"Evening Dylan."
"Hey Suzanne, how are you?"
"Tired it was a busy day."
"Yeah Nat at dinner said the restaurant is doing a really good trade in the morning. He's impressed you are able to manage the floor with just two of you."
"It's exhausting but it makes the shifts go fast. Today was particularly difficult with a kid and a ketchup bottle early on in my shift, I had to rush and change. All the stress of the day meant that I was in a terrible mood when I meet Brenda. Did she tell you?"
"Well she didn't tell me that, she told me she got a chance to meet you when she went down to collect Nat today. She has been looking forward to meeting you for a while and was upset it was so rushed having to get Nat home, but she was glad to finally meet you and Kevin."
"Oh that's what she was upset over?"
"Yeah, Bren and I have always been family to each other, obviously now we legally are, but you are my family and well to Brenda and me that makes you her's as well. She doesn't take meeting you lightly."
"That's nice to know. I was worried we had started on the wrong foot."
"Brenda's from the Midwest, she's of the belief family doesn't have wrong feet, you just are family. Her family was always encouraging me to reach out to Jack and my Mum even with our history. Family is family."
"Dylan I have everything, can we go I want to see Art before he goes to sleep?" I smile at Erica and hold out my arms to take her school bag as she rushes in. Once she hands over the bag to me she goes back to her Mum and gives her a hug. "Night mum, see you tomorrow after school."
"Have you completed all your homework?" Erica nods. "Tidied your room after playing?" Another nod. "Okay then, be good for Dylan and Brenda."
Erica is out the door before I even have a chance to say goodbye.
Bren's Doctor puts her on her new medication on the Friday and she is practically bouncing when we meet at the Condor café, when she said her Monday X-rays saw that there was no fluid remaining in her lungs I pick her up and spin her around; thank god she had the foresight to give the Water King to Uncle Steve before she gave me the good news. Her liver results are continuing to go down and he is hopeful that by the end of the month he can start reducing her large doses. The strength of her good mode remains even through another crazy lecture from Lucinda, one that she rants over during dinner.
Saturday morning see's the normal cartoon, breakfast, pyjama chaos, though much to Nat's amusement Bren and I put our collective foot down when mum tries to garden with Erica in their pyjamas. Once Erica is in proper shoes, shorts and t-shirt, ones that we are confident can handle the mud covering they will get we release the two McKay women to their farming fun. Nat decides to join them believing it will be a simple seedling planting session in the newly built garden beds- neither Bren or I correct that misguided assumption.
While they are out and Art is down for his nap, we go over the final Architect plans for Malibu that the city has approved. Demolition is already underway and building should be ready to begin in two weeks, once the trenches are dug to connect utilities to both blocks. As we discuss budgets and meetings with the bank, we bring up the elephant in the room. My financial relationship with Jim. He has taken to sending letters and faxes from his office in a bid not to engage with me. The finances and deals he is making on my behalf are sound and while our communication is strained he is still doing right by us. Bren corrects me, reminding me that she isn't involved in that aspect.
"Bren you aren't on those funds by choice but they feed our everyday account you should know how they are doing."
She doesn't correct me but I know she is uncomfortable by me pointing this out, it's evident by her skipping over that aspect of our conversation in favour of addressing the elephant. "Are you sure you want to continue working with my Father?"
"You know sometimes it's better the devil you know. Jim is trustworthy with the money and well the only cause I'd have to drop him as my advisor is because of the personal relationship. The next person maybe a scammer or just rubbish at his job, I wouldn't want to risk that, and then there is the professional and personal insult to your Dad. It would make our relationship much worse."
"Dylan you would rather go through the hassle of getting a mortgage and making repayments then just accessing your money? I just want to make sure you are making this decision based on what's in the best interest of you rather than being concerned with my relationship with my father."
"What is in the best interest of you is in the best interest of me. Financially, it will be a struggle for a couple of months and even then not really, we aren't big spenders. But regardless of all that I just want to know we can do this by ourselves, that we can rely on ourselves to make good financial decisions. If it fails we have the portfolio to bail us out but if it succeeds then we know we can do this, make this into our business while we pursue acting and writing."
"Okay, then I guess tell the Architect and the Contractor it's a go and set up the bank, I'll sign whatever we need to sign to make this work."
"You know the structural design stuff, bathroom and kitchen layout will need to be organised soon for both properties. Are you okay with doing all of that? I can hel-"
"Thanks but no. It's like shopping with a toddler I need snacks and shiny things to keep you entertained." Her smile tells me she was kidding but it doesn't stop me from pretending to be mock offended.
"Hey."
As she moves around to the other side of the desk to make her way out of the room she stops by my side, "Dylan your talents lie elsewhere, that's okay."
As she cheekily taps my nose with her finger I grab her and pull her onto my lap, "where exactly do my talents lay?"
"You know exactly where your talents lay, you don't need me to inflate your ego."
"Hmmm no you started this discussion I think it's your duty to inflate away."
She pretends to try and get up. "Dylan I'm going to be late if I don't get ready now."
I hold onto her tighter, "I could help, I believe that I might have a talent for unbuttoning your clothes."
Through her laugh she responds, "no comment."
As I bury my face in her neck I try and encourage her to stay with me, in this moment. "Hmmm do you have to go? Hanging at home today like this sounds like a much better use of your time."
"Dylan I need to go tell a guy happy birthday, thanks but no thanks for the tennis bracelet, and that I'm not sure he and I are on the same page."
I pull my head back, "a tennis bracelet, really?" She nods, in my head the word compensating rings clear. Bren would kill me if I said that out loud, and if she indicates any awareness of that being true I wouldn't need the help when it comes to dying; I keep my mouth firmly closed on my opinion of the excessive gift. "You're right you should go, say happy birthday, here's your gift back and all the best on the rest of your birthday's- goodbye."
As she climbs from my lap, even as I encouragingly try and keep her there, she looks at me. "Dylan it may not be goodbye. He's a nice guy, we have fun, and well if he understands that I'm not looking for serious or forever yet and he's okay with that then we may still be able to spend time together."
"Yet indicates it's just a timing issue rather than him not being someone you could see yourself with, maybe you need to be clearer." She looks down, "Bren it's beyond a timing issue, right? I mean you can't see you guy's ever being more than casual?"
"I'm going to be late." She goes to leave our study.
"You're not answering." I stand up and move to follow her, as she moves through the house she doesn't respond. "Baby I'd like an answer."
She sarcastically replies back, "and I'd like a pony."
"Fine, we love horses, we both love to ride, we can buy some. Now answer me please."
"Dylan. I don't know what I want, that is the whole point of this. You harassing me to make decisions is not helping."
"When have I harassed you? I'm not harassing you now. I just… you aren't into him and now you are, I'm trying to figure you out."
"Join the club."
"Brenda help me out here I'd like some idea what's going on and you being unclear about what you are going to do today isn't helping things."
As she reaches her door she actually starts laughing, "sorry you're frustrated that I might leave you hanging without a decision for all of what two maybe three hours tops? Are you actually hearing yourself right now? It sucks not knowing what's going on, I bet you are feeling a bit impotent, not sure what to do. Should you support me as we do for each other and let me go through whatever this is or should you call me out for my bullshit and tell me you deserve better? I went with option one and look what happened to me a year ago, want to try for option two see where that leads us?"
"I'm not trying to do that, I'm not asking you to choose-"
"Why aren't you?"
"Cause I'd lose. I'm well aware that if I push and ask for more romantically right now that I'd lose. I'd lose the chance of it in the future and I might lose my best friend. I'm never going to ask you to choose I'm going to wait till you don't see it as a choice that you just know."
"Well that's a risk, it didn't work out in my favour. I never felt it was a choice, I always thought that that you just knew too. I didn't realise it wasn't just a punishment you were giving me or a phase you were going through, I didn't think it was a choice until I lost and you didn't choose me." She closes her eyes for only a second to compose herself. "I need to get changed please leave my room."
"Brenda I don't want us fighting, I don't want that bef-"
"Before I go on a date? Scared it gives an unfair advantage to him, puts you behind in the rankings? You want so much from me more than I got from you. I don't know why I have to be the virtues one out of the two of us, why I'm required to share everything all my thoughts and feelings, make sure everything is fair and even when you couldn't do the same for me. I've asked nicely now I'm demanding- get out." She is physically upset, I don't know how we went from flirting to this but I know I'm doing damage to us here. I nod and leave, closing the door behind me.
I move into my room and put my head in my hands. I should be glad she is letting her anger out trusting that it's okay to do that. Though it doesn't feel that way right now, it doesn't feel like it's going to bring her back to me. It feels like it's pushing her further away. These day's, each of them is an anniversary of a different betrayal a different pain inflicted on her. It's fitting that she finally starts letting her pain out right now. I just wish there wasn't a guy wanting her, knowing how amazing she is, buying flowers and tennis bracelets, wanting to spend all his time with her, wanting to introduce her to his parents. A guy whose biggest mark against him is he cares too much too soon.
As I walk into the Peach Pit I'm still struggling to get a hold of my emotions. If I had more time I would have meditated a little to find my composure but as it was I had only enough time to quickly change and put makeup on before driving down the hill. Stuart is waiting for me at one of the corner tables and gives me a tentative smile. He knows I've been avoiding him all week, leaving thank you messages and confirming times for today on his business message service rather than calling his personal line at home.
As I approach he stands, "hi."
We both kiss the others cheek and give a gentle one armed hug, "hey. Happy Birthday!" As we go to sit down I smile and strive to make light conversation , "did you find the place okay?"
"Yeah I think I've been here before though it looked really different last time."
"Nat renovated two years ago, opened up the space more so he could fit tables along with the counter."
"Is that before or after you were a waitress here?"
"I did my week before the renovation."
As the waitress comes to take our order I pull my courage together.
"Stuart about the deliveries made to my house this week, can I assume that no one gave you my address?" He looks nervous but nods. "Okay, so you did follow me home that night then?"
"It wasn't like that. I noticed we were going in similar directions, I live in the Trousdale Estates just behind the bird streets, and well as we were going up those winding roads I saw how late it was and got worried as you were a little quiet as you were getting into your car. I thought you maybe tired so I wanted to make sure you got home safe." It was kind of sweet, so much so I didn't have the heart to tell him I was quiet over his over the top comment. "I'm sorry if I've crossed the line. I was worried about sending the flowers but then I thought it would be weird if I immediately didn't let you know that I knew were you lived, as I don't have your number I thought I could soften it with flowers. I guess that didn't help?"
"No it didn't. Look Stuart I think I should be a little clearer here, I'm not your average nineteen year old. When I drove out of my driveway today my ex was inside playing with our four month old son, while our ten year old was outside with her pseudo grandmother making mud pies, while Nat a member of our extended family and the owner of this place watched on, he's currently staying with us so we can help him as he recovers in our home from his recent heart attack."
"So are you saying you have no room for me in your life?"
"No I'm saying I have people who depend on me, little people who can't have their lives destabilised by new people. I'm not ready to let anyone new into that world, it's still just forming for all of us and I won't risk the stability of it unless I'm sure that it's something I want."
"You don't want to pursue this, me? I thought you were over your ex? Has this been just a game to make him jealous or something?" By his tone he isn't taking this well. I try and keep my cool and not take offence to his attack on my character.
"This isn't a game to me either and my ex has nothing to do with this, actually that's a lie he and my family with him has everything to do with this. I'm not in a position to get swept away in a whirlwind romance, if I make space and consider bringing someone into my families life it will be because I've got to know them, trust them and can see a potential future with them. After a lunch, coffee and dinner I'm not in a position to be ready to make that call with you."
He's quiet for a moment then looks up, "you aren't saying never right?"
"No."
"You are saying you just want to take this slow and see?"
"Yes."
"I can be patient, as much as I don't want too, you seem like someone worth the wait." I smile, "no more deliveries to your house I'm guessing?"
I reach into my bag and pull out the jewellery box and then slide it across to him, "yes, no more deliveries to my home and please take this back it's way too much too soon."
He doesn't argue but does cover my hand over with his, "okay, can I at least get your home number to call? I'd like to be able to contact the woman I'm dating even if she wants it to be casual for the time being."
"I'm not sure, there are only two lines into our home, one to the guest house where my moth… where Arthur's grandmother lives and one into the main house-"
"Wait, your ex's mother gave you the main house and just moved into the guest house?"
Huh? The loud jute box and nearly constant ringing from the bell announcing the comings and going of the restaurant, it had me a little slow in processing what he was getting at. It takes me a moment to try and recall where he got the idea that the house is Iris' but I guess I'd never gone into specifics of our home setup. "Arthur's grandmother lives in Hawaii usually, when we bought our home we made sure to find a place that had a secondary dwelling on the property for her to have a permanent residence here in LA."
He sounds bewildered, "that house is your ex's?"
"No that house is Brenda's and mine, our family home." Shit when did he walk in? From his tone he is mad, madder than I have ever heard him. I close my eyes and try and will the ground to open up and swallow me. "Brenda this is the guy you are seeing? Yeah, no. There is no way in hell you are going to date my old drug dealer!"