Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Chapter Forty-Five: Package Deal

There's a voice message on our answering machine when we get home from Val, she ran into Brandon and The Pit and he had invited her over to their house for dinner. Iris and Nat had also decided to check out an old Hollywood film festival at Venice beach tonight. She'd pick Val up on her way back up the hill, we were told not to wait up. Dylan's relief of it just being the three of us was obvious. We played with Art together until it was time for me to nurse him and then put him down for his afternoon nap, Dylan stayed with me the whole time until the phone rang.

When Art was dozing off I moved to find Dylan, locating him in our study. He was still on the phone with his serious face on and had taken the Malibu files out. I moved to his side to see what he was looking at, a purchase order for the bathroom tiles for the investment home. When I raise my eyebrow in question he asks Frank to hold on a minute covering the phone he addresses my silent question, "the tile order came in today but a box of them were broken, Frank rang the supplier and they are saying it will be two months before they get another shipment in as they are on backorder."

I push out his chair slightly to make room on his lap for me and then look at the order and plans. It's the upstairs family bathroom that is impacted. "Can you put Frank on speaker please?" He complies and after going through polite greetings I get down to business. "Frank have the tiles for the downstairs guest bathroom come in?" When he acknowledges they have and will be installed tomorrow I ask for him to hold off. If I can get additional boxes of those tiles on site then we can swap the two bathroom designs over hopefully ensuring that there will be no delay. It takes me a phone call to the tile supplier, and with a promise of a refund on the broken ones, a rush order and delivery the next day on the new tiles I'm finally able to call Frank back and fill him in that there should be no delay at all. As I'm going through the changes in the design with Frank I feel Dylan start to kiss my neck, it incentive's me to get off the call quickly. When I've hung up I turn to face Dylan, "that was a work call."

"I know you are hot when you take control like that." He leans in and kisses me, as he pulls away he declares "though everything about you is hot." It takes about fifteen minutes for us to finally find the restraint to unwrap ourselves from the other. Though as Dylan cuts up the vegetables for dinner and I fold a basket of laundry he valiantly tries to convince me that even though it's a double sided desk really we only need one office chair in the study; that clearly we do our best work when we are close together. His need to be close to me continues throughout the evening as we practise my scene, eat dinner, take care of Art and complete some college paper's. The only time we are away from the other and the only time my skin has gone longer than fifteen minutes without his lips on me was when I was showering.

As I lay in bed reading over the scene one more time making notes in the margin on words to add emphasis to in my audition I feel the bed covers lift and Dylan freshly showered moving closer to me. It's a big bed and both he and I have decided to take up residents in the middle of it. As he makes himself comfortable beside me he picks up my free hand and places it on his face. It's that gesture that makes me aware that he is still spinning. I put down the play, I know it inside and out and know the Maggie I want to harness Dylan needs me more. Finding my spot on his chest I begin to draw circles with my fingers over his stomach.

"Malibu will be finished by the second week of summer vacation and then we can move down there for a few weeks. I'm thinking the last month of break we could go to Italy, France and Switzerland."

"Can we make sure we have a week back here before classes? I want Art and if Suzanne allows Erica to have time to get over their jet lag before the school routine starts again."

"No problem. I'll talk to Mum tomorrow and confirm she still wants to come as well, though she has mentioned spending a few weeks back in Hawaii over the summer. I'll start arranging the trip from there, organising passports and booking the tickets and hotels."

I turn and face him and then run my hand through his hair, "is the plan making helping you feel more in control?"

"Yes and you were right tonight helped. We've just come so close so many times, I just don't want anything to mess it up I just don't want my luck to try and damage us before we are secure."

"Secure? How much more secure do you need us to be?" He picks up my left hand off his stomach and kisses it. The indication is clear, "that will happen."

"I know we both want it I'm just afraid that fate will come along and try and derail it."

"I can't promise it won't try but we have shown we can deal with the sickness and health part now we need to focus on the better and for worse. I think to get back here to this point I think we've shown we can do the worse maybe it's time we focus on the better."

"I've never spent time in the better. When we were together last time my family life was a mess now though… all day I've been looking at my life and there is some areas that could improve but our lives are good. Feeling I guess the better is making me nervous, I'm not sure how to do it."

"Well I think it starts with never going to bed angry with your partner and making sure that the last thing you do is to kiss her goodnight." He smiles and reaches down and lifts me up so I'm laying completely on top of him, "that's a good start."

We spend I don't even know how long kissing, it's a crazy amount of time; time we haven't spent since before the Spring Dance. When my lips feel heavy I pull back, "I have an audition tomorrow I can't go in there with bruised lips or hickeys."

He looks at me, amusement dancing in his eyes, "let me get this straight tomorrow you can't do that but Saturday, Sunday, Monday that's fine right?"

I roll my eyes, "I'm a mum now hickeys are not the mum look."

"Yes you are a Mum and I'm a Dad but we are also Brenda and Dylan two people who will spend the rest of their lives together trying and failing to learn restraint."

"Failing?"

He rolls us over so he is hovering above me, "absolutely failing, repeatedly failing." Then we are kissing again.

The next morning Val busts us in the kitchen when Dylan is saying goodbye to me before his morning class, "well this is a change and that was some kiss. You guy's should come with your own rating system." I instantly go red and Dylan just chuckles at me before he kisses my cheek, greets Val and then runs off to class. When he's gone she goes to pour herself a cup of coffee, "you both look very happy."

"We are but it's a weird feeling for both of us after so long. Dylan especially is finding it hard to trust."

"Well if you weren't scared of losing it then it wouldn't be real, that fear gives you the drive to keep fighting to protect it."

"Dylan's currently in that protection mode. He's wanting us to make time for just us, he's frustrated that I've invited the girls out to dinner on Saturday night to sort this out, he's even a little frustrated that I want to carve more time out for Brandon."

"He's not wrong on any of that, you guy's should be putting the building of this the reconnecting first but I know you you need the other things sorted in order to do that."

"I do I need the girls sorted and well Brandon and I have been been so solid since last February I don't want to lose sight of him again I want to make sure he knows from the start of Dylan and I that he won't be forgotten."

She shakes her head at me, "he wasn't last time. Look I adore my husband but he has the lion share of the work to do here he's the one who needs to be focusing on making sure he doesn't forget who you are."

"I know but, it's a twin thing I have to own the fact that I let him go a little and I can change that I can ensure it doesn't happen this time and then the rest is on him. You've seen him though… well heard about how he's been over the last fourteen months do you think he isn't trying to make up for his actions from back then? He's gone above and beyond."

"Fine he's been good," I raise an eyebrow. "Fine he's been great but make sure you keep on him to maintain that."

I give her a teasing smile, "I thought that was your job?"

She sits at the kitchen bench, "don't even get me started. I'm so confused by him. It's like he doesn't know which category to put me in family or potential girlfriend. Last night it was mixed signals galore, well from him. Blonde brother, I think if I called and said let's go to Vegas and get married today he'd be here in under ten minutes."

"Is that a possibility?" She goes pale, "not the marriage but the interest."

"He's nice, funny and well he doesn't act it but I know how mature, responsible and loyal he is. He'd be the kind of guy you could go party with, have a crazy night out or go to a lovely restaurant with."

I give her a serious look, "you know he doesn't party party."

She gets what I'm saying, "you know I don't do that anymore. Your influence even from a distance stopped me spending time with Ginger, I couldn't deal with the disapproving tone you kept using with me, and well I didn't want to escape as much anymore and I didn't feel like I was out of options, I stopped feeling like I was alone."

"You know how we say what's mine is yours?" She nods, "Dylan said what's ours is yours. He's serious about you being family about you staying here, either in the main house or building an apartment over the garage." Her eyes get big at the building idea.

"He's willing to spend that kind of money to give me a place here?"

"Dylan wouldn't be thinking of the money he'd be thinking of making our family comfortable, making sure as a member of our family you're comfortable long term."

She looks down at her coffee and focuses on it for a while, eventually she finds her voice again but continues to speak to her cup. "You know Iris offered me some time in Hawaii with her this summer, she… I think she understands me, understands what I don't want to discuss." She looks at me, "this place, you guy's have created this family this home… I know why Dylan wants to protect it so much. Bren you grew up in a loving home you see it as normal but you have to understand for us this is like heaven. If he wants time, want's you to put it first not take it for granted then give him that."

I come over and sit by her at the island, "of course I'm going to put it first but I also can't live in panic mode have anxiety that it's going to be taken, that's not a good way to live either. After losing Jack so suddenly when they were just starting to make headway Dylan is running off that fear."

"I think he's also running off the fear of you being taken so quickly after Baja. Life was looking good then having family dinners at your house you both together, and then in thirty-six hours it's all gone."

I sigh I get what she is saying, "I know. Time will fix that I hope, us being normal, our family not changing but enhancing will hopefully give him confidence that it won't be destroyed again." I look at the time, "I have to get ready it's a busy day; grocery shopping, Arthur's nap, doctors, class and then the audition."

"You ready for the audition?"

"Yes I'm not stressing about it, don't get me wrong I'm nervous but I don't want to be too over prepared." She gives me a stunned look, "I know that's not usually me but I had tea with Samantha, Steve's mum and she discussed making characters organic that being too stiff too focused can make you seem cardboard. Like now I'm using my hands to speak and I'm not doing it intentionally it just feels that is what is needed. As long as I can keep my stress levels down and stay in the feel of the character I hopefully will be okay."

I stand up and move my own empty coffee cup to the dishwasher, "I know you have to run but dinner with the girls? Brandon mentioned your reasoning for it to be on Saturday night, he's less than happy he won't be in town if they upset you but Steve advised that he and McKay have got it."

Her unasked question is clear, "I don't know what's going to happen, Andrea and Donna are one thing Kelly though is another."

"You can't really see a friendship as being possible? Would you ever trust her?"

"I was able to trust Dylan again. If I turn my back on her then Dylan, Brandon and Steve will as well. Andrea will follow Steve and Brandon and David and Donna then become the go between."

"Who cares? And you trust Dylan again because he's worked hard to gain it back she hasn't."

"She hasn't wanted to gain it back. What he did was horrible and what she did was horrible but why can he gain redemption and she can't? For year's I've spoken about female bonding and not needing a guy to define me, I'm a strong female yet I have no ability to forgive another female? It doesn't sit well with me, for her to take on lasting repercussions and he gets none I should be open to the idea of forgiveness."

"I think Dylan will say there are plenty of repercussions for him. Look she has continued to stir the pot even her auditioning today is that, I don't think she is grown up enough, self aware enough to have a friendship with."

"I agree but I ran away on Tuesday I fooled myself into thinking for weeks it was all forgiven, joke worthy. Self awareness is not a switch it doesn't just click on permanently you are constantly having to switch it on look at your behaviour, maybe she is starting to do that or maybe she hasn't yet maybe dinner will help. But I also have to reflect on the timing, two months after breaking up with her 'soulmate' he is publicly declaring his love for me and our family. She did a shitty thing but Dylan convinced her of a lot of things to justify his crappy behaviour, she's a victim in that and only that, but how much of her recent behaviour is because she feels I'm the other woman?"

She moans out like it's painful to say, like it leaves a bad taste in her mouth, "you're going to forgive her aren't you?"

"No I'm not. She hasn't asked for that shown me she wants that but I'm not going to write her off I'm not going to make her lose her family, and let's be honest the gang is her family. Mel and Jackie's divorce is messy and her Mum is nice but is more her friend than a trusted adult. If I take all her support away I've made the punishment way worse than the crime."

Her tone while at a normal volume screams that she can't believe what I'm saying, "you lost all of them too. You lost them all while he was choosing, you had to bend yourself, your morals, your self respect to keep them. What the hell has she done? What the hell has she changed? I love you you're my soul sister but you are being too virtuous and you're not putting your partner first. Have you asked Dylan if he wants you to have her in your life, in your home, around your kids? And I'm not talking as if there maybe lingering emotions for him, believe me Sleaze would not have received my support if I thought there was any of that, but you are asking him to be reminded of his greatest mistake regularly, to be around someone who clearly has no respect for you or your guy's relationship. That's a lot for him to take on just because you are afraid that after months and months of second chances, a hospital room, a backing off from the father of your child so she could have his support and the abuse you quietly sat, sit through it's a lot to ask just because you want to make sure a woman isn't seen to be punished more. Take out gender and look at every way he's tried to make it better and then count how many times she has, if you can even get to one from her I'll be floored."

I squeeze the bridge of my nose, "when are you going home again?"

She laughs at my obvious sarcastic remark, "I am home I just have to make a quick stop in hell for a few weeks and blow that shit up. But while I'm gone I'd appreciate it if you could try and stop being Kelly Taylor's doormat."

"Hey that's harsh."

"Sweetie I think it's time you have a good look in the mirror your covered in her tread marks and it seems to me you are looking to add more."

We are at our usual table when she comes in, the conversation has been beyond awkward and everyone is sticking to the one or two people that they feel safe to talk to. As she walks over to me with my awake son I smile at her, she is a sight for sore eyes.

When she leans down and gives me my son a shiver of disappointment runs through me that I don't get a kiss, I guess we are being discreet. As quickly as it comes it goes, as once the baby bag is dropped and she finds the tissues inside it to wipe my little man's runny nose she looks at me and casually pecks my lips, then sits next to me and with a look of worry leans her head on my shoulder to stare at our son. "He's getting a cold. He must have picked it up at daycare this week. He was grumbly at the supermarket and then wouldn't settle for long throughout his morning nap, he has a slight temperature. My Doctor also checked his throat for me and said it's a little red." I rub his little cheek it will be the first time he'll be sick well sick not from her medication, his shots or from teething.

"Poor Fish King, colds suck and mens colds are the worst."

"Mens colds Steve?"

"Yes Kelly men get worse colds than females it's medically proven isn't that right Andrea?"

"No what is medically proven is that men are drama queens when sick and women just get on with it."

"Me a drama queen never. Sis defend my honour please."

"Your hangover last month had you curled up on the couch in our den asking for me to record a Will for you. Yep absolutely no drama queen there."

"That wasn't a hangover that was my brain shrivelling and dying."

"It was a hangover Steve you drank too many beers and KEG punch."

"Brando whose side are you on?"

"The side of the person who didn't keep calling last night's dinner guest Stephanie." Bren laughs at that.

"True love Brando haven't you learnt you can't get in the way of it?" His not so subtle nod in our direction has me kissing my girls forehead.

"Them yes, for you it's true infatuation."

As they continue I whisper to my girl, "how did the doctors go for you?"

"All good, with this weeks stresses and my bodies regulation he'd like one more week to monitor and then he think he'll be ready to call me completely recovered."

"Fantastic." I breathe deeper one more week and her fourteen months struggle with her health will be over. "I guess we will have some paperwork to do then to move you onto the McKay family health insurance policy, off your father's one." It was the deal we had made in his office in January, and while we may not be talking to then we had decided not to completely destroy the connection when it came to her college tuition and health insurance, though all other McKay financial connections that could be severed after the bbq were. There were still investments that couldn't be withdrawn as they were six month to eighteen month commitments that I had signed onto, everything else though had been liquified or like the term deposit had Jim's name removed as manager. With her being able to be moved onto our family health insurance and then with this semester nearly over the last of those financial connections to her would be severed. Next year it would mean that she would be a McKay officially in everything but name and hopefully I could try and convince her that that should be changed as well.

"Yes and then we have some decisions to make regarding our last visit together." I kiss her head to hide my smile, she wanted to discuss birth control.

"Or we could just not make those decisions and leave it up to-"

"Baby I'm going to stop you there. Let's see after we help our son get through his first cold if you still feel that way."

"Of course I will."

"Famous last word's."

I grab her hand from between us and bring it to my mouth and lay a kiss on it, and then still in my quiet voice so none of the others can hear, "I won't push because you deserve to have as long as you need and want to enjoy your good health and having your body back to normal but as soon as you are ready I'm very much looking forward to meeting mini Brenda."

"Who says it will be a girl?"

"Who says I was talking about the next pregnancy remember we said six?"

"You said six and we have two already."

"But you see twins run in my future wife's family history-"

"I'm literally squeezing my thighs together at the thought, and even then considering investing in a chastity belt- multiple births what a scary thought."

Steve who had leaned in to tickle his nephew's belly, hears the tail end of our conversation and whispers. "McKay she's vertically challenged she'd tip over if she had twins." While I tried to fight to internalise my laughter Bren took offence and once again tweedle dee and tweedle dum were off in their own joint world of humour. Understanding how that world formed and how it helped her makes me enjoy their banter even more. Brandon catches my eye and shakes his head at it but I can see he also feels the same way.

A few hours later Brandon has come past to collect Val for their weekend retreat, my mother has popped in and had snuggle time with her sick grandson before heading out to dinner with people she met on her desert retreat weekend and I'm waiting with my grumpy I will only sleep on daddy's chest son for his mum to get home. It's not long before she comes in earlier than expected.

I give her a look of concern, "Roy came to chat and wish each of us good luck backstage, he heard me talking to one of the girls going for the part of Mae telling her that Art was sick so he kindly allowed me to go first. It's a very generous offer as it meant I wasn't potentially phased by Laura or Kelly's rendition." She reaches down lightly kisses me and then looks to our son, "how's he?"

"Not able to sleep unless he's on my chest." She shakes her head giving me the you are such a pushover look, "tell me are you happy with how it went?"

She sits next to me, "it got a little more emotional than I envisioned. Roy as we were walking away together on Tuesday said that it might be wise to imagine I had only been in that park with you, that that emotion would be interesting to see come through in my character in my scene. When I've been rehearsing I guess I was too in my head, on that stage I was more emotional it took me by surprise." I can feel the worry rolling off me, I didn't want her there back in that park imagining me telling her everything. "Relax I'm okay. If it had happened you would have got an earful, it would have gone for longer because I'd have wanted the truth about January, why, the summer, I wouldn't have walked away so quickly, but relax we've gone through all that now. If I can make a career out of acting those emotions may have to be tapped into a different times, unless you are going to write me parts full of love and no tragedies?"

"I'll write you any part you want but imagining you in them I don't think I could inflict any pain on you especially not that pain again."

She squeezes my hand and looks at me trying to convince me it's fine, "Roy's impressed with my emotional range, all of it surprisingly may have made me a better actress."

"Still not worth it-"

"But Art, Iris and Steve, our family is." She leans in and kisses me gently but properly, with Art sleeping on me I'm unable to draw her closer so she is completely in-charge of the kiss. When she pulls away she looks at me for a moment, at our son resting on my chest. "I'm seeing a mock-up of the calendar tomorrow, Donna I think is hoping it will break the ice at dinner. She's picking it up from the photographer on her way there."

"How many are you buying again?"

"All of them. I'm removing your picture and then we can sell the eleven month calendar, who needs the September dates anyway?"

I tease, "completely sound investment Baby."

"I think so, keeping you all to myself is worth all the money."

"Careful your selfishness is showing and with our son sleeping on me I'm in no position to show you how much I appreciate it." I liked that I wasn't alone in being selfish that she wanted me just as much.

"You can show me later remember I don't have an audition tomorrow." Last night in our bed I wasn't even trying to go for more, I knew it wasn't the time and after going so long without kissing her I just wanted to enjoy that again. We use to do that for hours when we first started dating it was nice to rediscover it again, rediscover just being absorbed in kissing her. I could definitely have a repeat tonight.

Art wakes soon after, he is out of sorts the rest of the evening leaving us focused on keeping him comfortable. We give him some baby Panadol before he sleeps hoping that it will keep his temperature low and give him a few hours of solid rest. Bren and I know it's going to be a long night so we decide to head to bed soon after he's down to read and maybe get a bit of sleep before he's up again.

Though my planned rain check on our make out is derailed by Bren's conversation topic as she climbs into bed, "I was speaking to Val today-"

"Speaking or getting a Val knockdown?"

"I like to think that between her and I they are less knockdown and more passionate support." I laugh and give her a I'm calling bullshit look, "fine it was a knockdown. Anyway we were discussing tomorrow night and she suggested I should get your take on this, that we are a package deal if they are in my life they of course will be in yours."

"Are you worried about my feelings on all three of them or just one in particular?" I refuse to use her name in our bed.

"One in particular."

As she places her head on my heart I begin to play with her hair, "I'll support you in any decision but if you are asking do I want them in our life I'm not thrilled by the prospect considering how they have been acting, but if they are out of ours-"

"They are out of Brandon's and Steve's. It will split us all and David needs you still, I know he is doing really well but that's with your support and that of our brother's I don't like the idea he may be forced to choose. I don't like that she'll lose the support of so many."

"Steve barely engages, Brandon is polite but he isn't someone who they could go running to for support and well I'm definitely not, even before you got back I wasn't open to that once it was over. I'm ashamed to say I wasn't open to that much even before it was over."

"And there is that. You have said you weren't the best during the whole thing. I mean the phone calls to me alone even if I exclude you asking me to come back here they were frequent enough and you were really communicative with me. If you were doing that now with her or any one else I'd be out the door faster than you could dial the number-"

I panic I'd never let someone in like that, I didn't even let her in when we were together, "it's never going to happen I-"

She picks up on my tone and turns from her place on my chest to face me, "I know believe me it took me a while to get here but when I promised on Wednesday night to not keep holding it against you I also knew that I had to surrender to what I felt I had to surrender to the fact that trust with us can't have parameters it has to be total. I wouldn't be in this bed with you now if I didn't have enough faith and courage to surrender to that." She turns and continues to claim her favourite spot on my chest, "my point wasn't about us but that she has some things she can be angry about to."

"Absolutely I was horrible, but I was, not you. You have done nothing to her-"

"Except continue to be your family and best friend, if I came back and that's how you guy's were with each other I don't think I'd ever have been able to resume, no I know I wouldn't ever have been able to resume a relationship with you. Almost immediately that was the condition for you guy's I understand why she resents me-"

"It was my condition not yours, I'm the one who accepted the invites for dinners at your parents, I was the one who kept opening up to you, I was the one who kept ringing and sending notes-"

"But I didn't stop you-"

"But you never gave in or entertained my advances or even flirted during any of it, you created a respectful boundary. I know you are trying to rationalise but you can't they are not in the right. You were right in what you told her on Tuesday she knew what she was doing and she didn't care, she didn't care about you then, after February or since."

As she reflects on our conversation I'm not even sure that she is aware that she has started to make circles on my stomach under my singlet, "so you are saying let it go?"

"I'm saying it's up to you I'll support you either way but you and Art have been home nearly four months, I know I definitely haven't but have you when I haven't been around, have you let her hold Art?"

"No."

"Then do you think you can have a friendship with someone that neither of us has even thought to let hold our child?"