Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.

Authors Note: Thank you so much for all the reviews on the last chapter, I loved reading the story or character(s) passion that you each presented in your comments.

Chapter Forty-Seven: Choices

Before I can answer our waiter arrives with our tea and desserts when it's just us again I look at Kelly, "I completely get your resentment over our friendship. I said it actually to Dylan just yesterday-"

She takes on a look and tone of offence, "you speak to him about me, analyse me, what's wrong with Kelly?"

Seriously she can't be that naïve, we are a couple we talk about everything. "No... look I'm not trying to rub anything in your face but I can't explain it otherwise. We spoke because I wanted to know how he feels, how he feels about you and I trying to get past this and try again at being proper friends. If you are in my life you are in his and our family's, I wanted him to let me know if he'd be comfortable with that. Yesterday I said that I get that there may be resentment, that if I had to accept you both as family best friends when I got back we wouldn't be together now. I get that it was a lot to expect of you and I'm not sure it would have been forced so quickly on you if Jack hadn't died."

"So quickly? You really don't think given the chance he could have loved me and stopped thinking he needed you, made it so you were just a member of our gang?" Her distain at my arrogance is clear.

"No he couldn't. Art makes us physically family but we've been family from the start from our first date he allowed me in further than I think he even knew at the time. He allowed me in he told me everything, we weren't even officially dating and he allowed me in, he was the most closed off guy back then and he still allowed me in. Those ten days of you both being together without the lies, of you getting to know Jack talk with him, and he still didn't let you in. Kelly I can understand your resentment but if we are going to seriously talk about this then I'm not going to be disrespectful and lie to you. If after thirteen years of knowing you, months of sharing your summer secret behind my back, and ten day's of me out of the picture and seeing him with his dad, if you weren't in by then you weren't ever getting in and that wasn't because I had taken all the room. If you felt there was no space because of me then that's because Dylan wanted you to have no space. He could have made that space larger it's his after all there is no limit to who can be there, but he didn't want you there he didn't want to even let you in a little."

Letting that sink in I consider stopping but then this will never be over if I don't say it all. "I know he told you why months ago at the beach apartment, I know he apologised for it all that he owns his poor treatment of you. I know he has taken on the responsibility of owning the biggest part of this, rightly or wrongly he blames himself the most. But look at this table we are strong females each of us even before that February we had all gone through so much to find our inner strength, yes he was a crap boyfriend, yes you tried to get him to change but when he didn't when he wanted me as family and you knew you couldn't accept it then you could of left. You had choices in this you weren't required to stay, and even if you couldn't do it during those first few months if you wanted to see if in time he'd change, then his treatment that summer was grounds for you to leave. Kelly we didn't speak, he and I from the moment I left The Peach Pit after our graduation night to the last couple of weeks of summer term in over two months he and I didn't speak at all, and he was even more appalling to you then, flirting and touching another girl in your presence. He was horrible you could and should have tossed him out then."

"What like you would have?"

"Kelly I tossed him out for having an orange juice with his childhood neighbour in Palm Springs. I told him in junior year if he didn't stop drinking we'd have to stop seeing each other. I broke up with him in senior year for lying to me. Dylan knows I never want to leave him, he knows I want my life with him but he also knows and has known from the start the kind of partner I expect him to be and he expects the same of me. Loyalty, discretion, trust, openness I could go on but we have standards in all of them, and we want and work hard to maintain a healthy relationship; it's why our dynamic was off in senior year lie's don't allow for that healthiness to maintain. In your relationship what standards did you set for each other for him? What boundaries did you both establish to create a healthy relationship? Or did you think that him making a decision, the coming out as a couple and then the sex would create the relationship?" I pause to see if any of this is sinking in to her I can't tell, "you study psychology, you have supported your mum in her recovery and if it was anything like Dylan's you would know that creating good relationship structures is essential, you would have learned how to do it. It's required in every relationship and why I wanted to have our dinner tonight."

I breathe out, "look you can blame me all you want so you don't have to blame the illusion of the guy you fell in love with or yourself. You can blame me because you chose to stay even with those conditions. You can blame me because you didn't from the moment you exited that pool start discussing how you were going to create a healthy relationship after starting so dishonestly, after he took two months to pick you, after he had kept you in limbo for over four months and after he had returned to me at the end of that summer. You can blame me for all of it like you have done from the start. That's fine I don't mind. But you can't stay in my life and my families life if you are going to continue to do it. Beside it not being fair on me for so many reasons, I just don't want my children to see women treating each other like you have been treating me. I want them to see positive and healthy relationships and people who own their choices."

"I didn't have a choice you-"

I stop her it's clear none of what I have said has made her reconsider her own internal narrative, "Kelly we all have choices. You had a choice that summer, he had a choice that summer, when I told him about my fling with Rick in Paris he had another choice to stay or go, he had a choice to keep trying to hide his, you had a choice to not moon over my boyfriend for months, you had the choice you could of stayed away and not repeatedly taken it upon yourself to go over to his house to undermine my relationship. I had a choice to forgive him and not break up with him, I could continue and list all the choices you, he and I had, all the choices our friends and family had but at the end of the day we can't go back and change them. Dylan and I are continually learning how to accept the consequences of our choices from back then not to let them define us as individuals or as a couple, we are learning to forgive the bad ones or the ones that had unknown consequences. Brandon is constantly trying to make up for the hurt and regret he carries for his choices. Steve is proud of the choices he made because he gained a sister and nephew. David well I for one am proud of the choice he made, for better or worse you support family and I hope you are proud that he didn't even doubt it for a second and still doesn't, you are his sister and he loves you. I don't know how Donna and Andrea feel about their choices-"

My slight pause to see if either of them want to jump into the conversation works, "I feel like I was in a lose lose situation, I'd lose either of my best friends which I didn't want and I especially didn't want to add additional stress to David who was struggling with his Dad's infidelity and trying to graduate early. I made a choice to stay neutral but looking back my neutral looked an awful lot like siding with Kelly. Bren it was disrespectful of me to encourage you to move on so quickly or to guilt you into going to Kelly's birthday, it was especially horrible that I would even ask five weeks after you found out about that summer for you to host it at your house."

The ridiculousness of that question had Steve literally back then needing to be held back from not leaving my house that night to yell at them all, to this day it's still an unbelievable request and from the look on Kelly's face it was clear she wasn't aware it had been made. "I think the worst thing that I did was not just give you my hand to hold or my shoulder to cry on, I could have done that and stayed neutral but instead I ignored it and pushed you too unrealistically move on straight away." She takes a moment and then looks at me with a sad smile on her face, "I know we are different now it doesn't escape my notice that David is Uncle David and I'm not Aunt Donna. I know for both you and Dylan those family titles mean something significant, it means you see that person in your life and your kids lives for life. You see them as people who you know you can trust-"

"You trust my brother?"

Her scepticism is clear, "Kelly trust doesn't mean people have to agree with you on everything believe me Val rarely agrees with my approach to things, and to trust someone I don't think they need only be loyal to me. David's clear loyalty to you but his maintenance of the same friendship he had always had with me makes me trust him as I know his values. He values his family first, that's someone I want in my children's lives. He loves his friends but if push came to shove that's his line. He and I, he and Dylan share a similar line, similar values."

"And you don't know my values?" I breathe out and look at Donna.

"Honestly no Donna. You were pro friendship that was your value, all of us to remain having the same friendship. That's what you wanted right?" She nods. I look to our quiet dinner companion, "Andrea is that what you wanted for all of us just to stay friends?" She nods. I keep looking back and forth between them trying to gauge their response to my words, "how did either of you imagine that would work after my best friend had gone after my boyfriend repeatedly? Had lied to me and had lied to all of us, had made you all feel justified in defending her innocent right to date a single guy. I mean if you had known back when I broke up with him that she had been the other woman would you have defended her right then?" I look at Andrea and she shakes her head no, Donna whispers a no across the table. "Okay so she took advantage of your trust to pit you against me make me the bad guy and to convince you I was being unfair, she lies to all of us and has broken a promise to me made in sophomore year a promise made in front of both of you, and you both think that behaviour is okay in friendship is acceptable, doesn't need any conversation or apology, hell even just an acknowledgment that it happened?"

They both look down and don't respond when it's clear that aren't going to defend, explain or agree I sigh, "see this this right here is what concerns me. Our friendship is based on us all knowing each other and having shared history but it's not based on us wanting to be there for the other- sorry that's unfair we will when it's convenient, if we agree with it or if doesn't cost us anything, if it doesn't risk rocking the boat between us. It's not even a friendship that requires us to be honest with each other, it's perfectly acceptable for us to lie because relax we won't call you out for it. It also doesn't even require us to treat each other with kindness."

"Dylan did all the same things as me why isn't his friendships on the line?"

"Brandon and Steve have ripped Dylan apart so many times he's apologised to them so many times, their friendships were strained for the remainder of senior year and for most of this year. David and Dylan have discussed it but it's different for them as David knew from your and Dylan's first kiss that he interrupted, so it's different things they needed to work through." Seriously I'm sick of explaining, of no one just saying that it was a shit time, let's agree to go forward with honesty and integrity in our relationships and promise from now on to be better friends to the other create a more authentic friendship.

I look at them all and then place my napkin on the table, "this here is not friendship it's a status clique for the hallway's of West Bev, it has the smartest, the prettiest, the fashionista and the new girl all as members, no new members were ever wanted. We are no longer at West Bev, we are all about to finish our first year of college, we are adults in adult relationships and no one cares for those titles anymore because they aren't relevant, if this had been real friendship they never would have been relevant even back then." I stand, "my son is sick and my little girl is home with us tonight, if I'm going to be away from my family it has to be for something genuine something real, that's not what any of this is."

As I stand, lift my bag and begin to move inside I ignore Donna's, "wait Bren let's just talk about this?" Seeing our waiter as I enter I smile and walk over.

"Can I get you something Mrs McKay?"

"Yes just the bill please." A few minutes later I'm walking to my car and less than twenty minutes after that I'm parking the car in our garage. As I walk by Steve's Corvette in the driveway the front door opens widely, it takes Dylan less than a second to determine what happened.

He smiles as he meets me half way to the door and then gathers me in his arms, "have I ever told you the McKay Clan are much happier as loner's, rebels in society?" I giggle into his neck, "six day's out want to risk sharing a bowl of ice cream with me?"

"One bowl, two spoons?"

"Woman now why would we create more washing up if we didn't have to, have you not seen how much the kids make let alone Steve?" I giggle again and lift my head out of his neck and give him a kiss on the lips, it's gentle and loving and it takes a few minutes for him to pull away. "Come on it's been age's since I've had an opportunity to kiss those lips when they still carry a hint of ice cream on them; it's one of my favourite desserts."

"The ice cream?"

"The lips." With that he is pulling me into our house and closing the door and the unnecessary behind us.

Over ice cream she tells Steve and I the conversations of the night. Halfway through Kelly's diatribe Steve was asking why didn't she leave then, I was asking if the others really had just sat there listening to it feeling sorry for her. I had cried out loud "hell no" to her ever being just another member of the gang to me and "damn straight" when she said we had been each other's family from the start. When she got to the part about choices and how Steve was proud of his choices he puffed out and declared he should win an award for being the only one who had made excellent choices that year, my subtle cough of legacy key earned me the bird from our brother. When the girls still struggled to call out being lied to or acknowledge the cracks that had formed in their friendships as a result I was shocked. I was proud when she declared she walked away then.

Steve cheered and then got an amused look, "did you leave them with the bill? That place is expensive serves Kelly right if she's forced to pay for your dinner."

"Don't be silly I paid for the whole dinner on the way out, I'm giving them no ammunition against me though I'm sure it will backfire and it will come across as me showing off. Anyway who cares, it's all done now. Steve you staying or going to head back down the hill?"

"I'll stay. A family morning spent on the beach with my niece and nephew, campus to see the final cast list and then breakfast at The Pit sounds good after this crazy week."

Once Steve was set up in the guest bedroom, and Brenda had her shower, had dream feed Art, checked his temperature, and then looked in on Erica, she comes to join me in our bed. I know she'll be transparent in here on how she is feeling, though I'm surprised when the first thing she does is to call me out for using Mrs McKay on the fax for her dietary requirements. I simply declare that it will be her name legally soon and forever, and as Walsh is the temporary one people should know her in this town as Mrs McKay. The name surprisingly still held clout especially as the rumours of my net worth had been a heated topic of local speculation since Jack's death. The rumour was that Jack had hidden most of his millions away in Swiss Bank Accounts before his indictment and as his next of kin I had inherited them. It was completely bogus as to my knowledge no such bank accounts existed but regardless it meant that the McKay name had once again become an important one in Beverly Hills. I didn't care, I never had for me but if it means my family is looked after then I didn't mind the reputation at all.

We chatted for a little while longer and then spent a minuscule in my mind amount of time being friendly with each other. Though when Bren declared it was nearly one I begrudgingly stopped my new favourite nightly activity in favour of holding my future wife as she slept close to me. When she was asleep I finally acknowledged to myself the relief that I felt in it being over. That she wasn't opening herself up for continued disappointment. What that would mean from now on regarding how we all related to each other I had no idea, but I was happy that she had finally made a decision.

In the morning Steve decided to drive my mother to the beach so she could tell him her favourite stories of his kindergarten antics, it left Bren and I alone with the kids. The whole way there Erica discusses her nearly completed Science Fair Project. The surf is good and I'm glad to see that Steve and Iris take Erica out into the waves to splash around, when we move down to Malibu in the summer I want her to feel confident in the surf like she is now in our pool. Bren stays on the beach blanket with our little guy, hopefully he'll be over the worst of his cold soon especially after waking at three due to his blocked nose driving him crazy in his sleep. He spent the rest of the night sleeping on the other side of my chest facing his mum.

When we get to campus Bren decides she wants to go check the list alone. Art was asleep in his seat so the rest of us just hovered between the two cars waiting for her return. As she walks back less than ten minutes later I try and figure out from her stance if she got the role, but she is looking a little nervous and unsure, maybe she was the understudy hopefully not to Kelly. When she is less than ten feet away Erica can't wait any longer and begs to know, Bren simply just nods her head and smiles- such an actress trying to fake me out. I'm so surprised that the loud cheers from all of us through the open car doors don't wake Art up. Once Erica, Iris, and Steve had congratulated her I go to give her mine. When we finally separate we see that Steve had covered Erica's eyes with his palm, she was fighting to remove it, and my mother was looking at us both with such amusement it was dancing in her eyes.

The breakfast with Nat is a joyous affair until Suzanne and Kevin come into the restaurant and ask to speak to Erica for a moment. In less than five minutes she is running back to our table bawling her eyes out and burying her face in my chest, Bren who is holding Art gives me concerning eye's over her head. Kevin and Suzanne come over then with smiles on their faces with the news that they were getting married. Erica grips my shirt tighter.