Chapter 31

Ga Eul held her heels in hand as they returned to Yi Jung's penthouse. She would've gone back to Jan Di's had it been not too late as it was. Her hair was tousled as she yawned. She dropped her whole weight on the couch in the living room. Yi Jung joined her, looking like a mess as well. His shirt was all crumbled up and the first few buttons had got loose. He rested his neck on the couch, laughing.

"I must admit I didn't see the life of the party coming from you."

"I could be fun, too. When I'm not busy wallowing in self-pity." She snickered. He laughed, a delicious deep sound Ga Eul couldn't get enough of if she tried. She had been stuck with him all night long not just because he asked. She wanted to. She could tell Yi Jung was a bit tipsy from all the drinking games played back at the club. While she preferred being sober, that didn't mean she wanted to miss out on the fun. She played by his side, and he offered to be her Black Knight when it came down to her drinking.

"I could daresay I had fun."

"That makes two of us."

'Hey, what happened to Woo Bin?" Ga Eul asked as she remembered him.

"Last time I saw him he was drunk off his face with some girl."

"Someone's going to have fun tonight." Ga Eul replied. A thought popped into her head, making her ask.

"Do you miss it? Being able to have who you want?" Ga Eul asked although the idea pained her now compared to months before when she didn't mind.

"Can you stop? Time and time again I tell you that I want you. No, I don't miss it. Nor will I ever. I'm not some sex fiend. Promise me you won't bring up other people ever again. That goes for you, too. I'm not going to be tolerant of you being with anyone but me. I won't let you entertain the idea of any other guy, so I expect you to act the same with me." Yi Jung said, infuriated. His eyes were harsh in the dim light, but Ga Eul held his gaze. She didn't know whether to be frightened or flattered.

She put a hand on his shoulder, getting him to calm down.

"You don't have to get so angry." She laughed.

"I have every right to be angry. You keep hesitating over and over again when it comes to your feelings when I know you want me as much as I do. Fucking own up to it. I won't let you get away so easily with diluting our feelings for each other. I'm not going to stop telling you how in love with you I am, or how much I want you till you get it through your head. I'm as stubborn as you could be. Two could play at this game."

"I'm not playing any games. Please, understand me."

"I'm trying to. But I can't take it anymore. You keep telling me that I can get out of this all the time when all I want is in. Let me in. Please. I can't stand the thought of not being with you. Please." His voice strained. He leaned closer to her, his face inches away from hers.

"Please" he murmured over her lips as she felt his hot breath on her skin. His fingers were slowly reaching out to her own, laid on her lap.

She could smell him. Feel him so close as he evaded her senses and mind. His fingers ever so lightly trailed traces over her lap moving so slowly until both his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her in.

He rested his forehead on hers, looking into her eyes. They were so close as they shared the same air. His hands were gently rubbing her back while keeping her in his embrace. With such steady movements, he leaned his head into her. Ga Eul inhaled a sharp breath as his lips barely grazed her open mouth. He let out a whine at their closeness, not daring to take any more steps. Sensing his pain, Ga Eul lifted her head slightly so his mouth landed on hers.

She closed her eyes as she lost herself to the feel of his lips. At first, it was soft as if he were afraid to hurt her, but when she reciprocated, she felt his hunger. She intertwined her fingers in his hair as his kiss deepened, greedy. When she let out a stifled moan, it drove Yi Jung over the edge as he grabbed her by the waist over on his lap. Ga Eul let out a yelp, pulling away for some oxygen. She had never felt like this before. Such raw emotions. She looked into his eyes which were carefully examining her. He looked like he was in torment, his eyebrows knitted together. His gaze went onto her lips.

She was breathing heavily. His hands were still around her hips, and her face a mere inches away, but he didn't pull her any closer this time. Taking initiative, she leaned down to his mouth, but he pulled away lightly.

"I can't." He looked at her swollen lips and softly caressed them with his thumb.

"Why? Was I bad?" Ga Eul asked, confused.

"You're asking if it wasn't up to my standards?" He chuckled darkly. Taking her face between his hands, he said, "Ga Eul, I-I want this so badly. I didn't pull away because it was bad. I did so because I won't be able to stop. I want you and you know it. I'm holding back for the both of us."

"But why are you holding back? I'm such easy prey. I melt in your arms. In your touch. Do you think I'd need much convincing? I know you're right. That I should own up to it, but you could've saved yourself the trouble long ago. You could lure me into you so easily." Ga Eul said.

"The issue here is that you don't crave me as much as I do. You don't entirely understand how good we are for each other. What's the point in luring you if your entirety isn't accepting of this yet? I know you see things differently than me when it comes to relationships. I know that your sister completely ruined your perception of yourself and others of you. And it brings out so much anger in me. That you can't understand this bond between us. I know enough of failed relationships to understand how much we're right for each other. God, Ga Eul. It frustrates me to no end." He spurted out.

"I hate that we have to wait, but I understand where you're coming from. What I don't appreciate is you making light of our feelings for each other, and while I'm yours to do as you please, I'm not so accommodating that I will bend to your will when it comes to this. Whenever the time is right, and your heart and head are in it as much as mine are. Whenever you're driven to madness with need, I'd gladly seduce you day and night. Until then I'm going to take a shower." He said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and softly set her on the couch as he got up.

Ga Eul took a shower as well in the guest bathroom. Yi Jung's words kept replaying in her mind. The way he held her. He was right, and she felt so stupid and ashamed of trying to fight both their feelings. She felt stupid for not telling him earlier about Eun Jae. She should've had more trust in him. In them both.

Drying herself off, she looked at herself in the foggy mirror. She wondered what Yi Jung saw in her. It wasn't that she felt insecure, or that she felt beneath him in looks. She also understood that he loved her. But the way he looked at her was different than any other person. Like she was something so precious he was afraid she would vanish. Like he revered her.

He viewed her as more than she ever thought she was. You could love a person knowing while being aware of their shortcomings, but in Yi Jung's eyes, they didn't exist. Not moral shortcomings, she thought to herself. They had been honest with each other since the day they met about their flawed personalities. And Yi Jung hadn't become miraculously blind about her less-than-honourable traits. It's the fact that he looks at her with complete passion and admiration while knowing all the good and the bad about her. It was one thing to love a person, but another to adore.

She was drying her hair in front of the vanity when she heard a knock on her door.

"Come in." She said.

"I was thinking. Do you want to sleep in my room? I don't want to let you go yet tonight."

"I'd be happy to." She replied, blushing a little.

Yi Jung's room was different. Everything was organized in perfect order and it smelled of him. Nonetheless, it was a dark and cold room.

There was more than enough room for both on the king-sized, but they stuck close together relishing in each other's warmth.

"Yi Jung, can I ask you something?" Ga Eul asked in a hushed voice. She couldn't see except for the fragment of light from the window falling on his face. His eyes were so bright.

"Ask away."

"Why do you love me?"

"Why do you love me?"

"I don't know. You're just you."

"Exactly. I don't have to have a reason. For me, your existence is enough for me to fall in love."

"I wish I could see myself the way you see me." She confessed.

"I think a lot about that. I'm not deluded to think that people like me for my being. The only people I have ever trusted were the F4. As tacky as it might seem, it was essential for us to separate ourselves from others. We were different from birth. We will be until our last breath. I've been blessed enough to have these guys to be by my side. Others aren't so lucky. Like our reputation, we were destructive. To ourselves and others. We let each other be. I've always known how sick our actions could get. No one in their right mind would tolerate such behaviour if it weren't for our status. At my lowest, I think about how vile I am. I'm not often fond of my existence. But when I met you, none of that mattered. Sometimes I still wonder why you ever became friends with me. In actuality, there's nothing about me to offer. But you somehow found me comforting as well. You're the first person who found a home in me."

Ga Eul reached out and took his hand in hers. She pressed a light kiss on his hand.

"I didn't know you felt that way. I don't know about other people, but for me you are everything. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself."

"You are everything to me, too."

Ga Eul woke up to the sound of a phone going off. Distorted, she woke up to find both her phone and Yi Jung's ringing with messages. His arms were wrapped around her waist, tugging her into his embrace the whole night, and his face was hidden in her hair. She tried to get out of his grasp lightly so she wouldn't wake him up. Opening her phone, there were 200 text messages from Hong Joon. He was livid.

"You can't be serious, Ga Eul. These photos can't be real."

"Answer me. DAMN IT."

"Chun Ja would be so disappointed in you."

"YOU PROMISED ME."

Ga Eul couldn't understand what was going on. Her hands shaking, she went through the rest of her messages. She opened Jan Di's chat.

Jan Di: You lovebirds are on every blog in existence.

Beneath her message was a photo of Yi Jung and her dancing last night.

Sensing her distress, Yi Jung woke up beside her. She handed him the phone when he asked.

"I'll kill them. I'm so sorry, Ga Eul. I didn't think we would get photographed there." He said, scurrying off the bed, but Ga Eul held his arm.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. It's not like we did anything wrong. Let the photos be. Instead, how about we sleep in? I don't feel like getting up yet."

"Are you sure? I can erase anything if you ask." He asked, looking worried.

"I'm sure. Now, let's sleep." She said, playing with his messy hair, and grinning.

As Yi Jung hugged her back to sleep, she couldn't help the tremor in her hands.

Her parents.

Hong Joon.

Everyone she wanted to run away from now had every reason to see her face blasted all over the internet. In the articles Jan Di sent her they were all calling her Yi Jung's new girlfriend.

She was petrified as she tried to calm her heartbeats. Yi Jung's hug tightened.

"It's okay. I'm here. It's okay." He whispered in her ear as she tried to drift off to sleep.

She woke up a few hours later and found the bed empty. She gathered her courage as she headed to battle, knowing she was about to do what scared her most. She smelled food when she left the room and found Yi Jung in the open kitchen making breakfast.

"I was about to wake you up."

"Thank you. It smells wonderful."

She helped him set the table and dug in, happy to have some food in her system.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know how that happened. Taking photos like that is prohibited in the club." He clarified.

"I should've been more careful. Maybe since I haven't dated anyone for a while, more people have been waiting for my next move."

"It's not your fault. You don't have to feel so guilty." She said. Once she had calmed down, she realized that she had nothing to be scared of. She was with Yi Jung, for God's sake. Something like that was bound to happen. She didn't owe it to anyone to feel guilty.

"It's not like we did anything wrong." Ga Eul shrugged, sipping her tea.

"You looked terrified when you woke up. Now, you're taking this surprisingly well." Yi Jung looked confused.

"As I thought about it, I realized it wasn't such a big deal. It was going to happen one day or the other. And now, you got one birthday wish come true. Everyone knows that I belong to you." Ga Eul mused.

"I would never do that unless you are comfortable with it."

"I know. I wasn't implying anything. But I thought about yesterday, and it was one of the best days of my existence. I have never felt this happy before, and I don't want to let anyone ruin it."

"Can I ask you why you were scared?"

"I don't want to remind my parents of my existence. I already feel like I'm treading on thin ice after my mother talked to me about Chun Ja's Jesa. This is wishful thinking on my part, but I didn't want my parents to think that I was trying to outshine Chun Ja or finish what she started. Since her death, their dreams of continuing their legacy also died. But me being with you, it's almost as good as having Chun Ja inherit the law firm. Almost. Of course, they'd have reservations about me sleeping my way to the top." Ga Eul said. She kept her concerns about Hong Joon to herself.

"We'll have to be more careful moving forward."

"We don't have to. As I said, I don't want to hide as if I'm ashamed."

"Who said anything about hiding?" He said as a matter of fact. She knew he was mastering up something in his mind, but she didn't have the nerves to delay any longer.

"Yi Jung, there's something I want you to do." She uttered.

"What?" He asked, slicing into his croissant, not paying attention.

She put the missing puzzle piece on the table near his plate. Yi Jung looked up to her immediately.

"What is this?" He asked, his stare knife sharp.

"You know what it is."

"Tell me you're not doing what I think you are because I swear to God, Ga Eul. I will burn this whole place down. Tell me. Did you go looking for her for me? Because if you did, I don't think I'd be able to control my anger."

"No! No. I would never. She was my pottery teacher. I put two and two together as time went on. I've known for a while, but I was frightened beyond reason. I was afraid you'd go to her. That I would be her stand-in. But that's not the case anymore. I shouldn't have assumed anything on your part. I'm sorry. I didn't want to lose you. Of course, if things end up working out for you two, I wouldn't want to interfere although I doubt that'll be the case. Either way, I think you owe it to yourself to see her. Like you did with your brother. You were so happy and relieved when you two reconnected. I know Eun Jae was a huge part of your life as well. You deserve to have closure. Both of you."

In a swift movement, he got out of his chair and kneeled before her on the ground. He cupped her cheeks between his hands.

"Thank you. For caring about me. For wanting me to be happy. I got angry. I thought you wanted to leave. That you were giving me up to her. I apologize."

"It seems like I always miscalculate my steps when it comes to this." She laughed.

"Every time I think I'm doing the right thing, I end up screwing it up. I have to get my head around how relationships work because I'm not doing a very good job. What I meant to say from the beginning was that I found Eun Jae if you want to close that chapter. I'm not trying to say goodbye. If anything I was afraid I'd be the one to say it." She chuckled as her tears fell. She was relieved. God, she was so relieved.

"Don't worry. We have all the time in the world." He said, wiping her tears away and crushing her in his arms.

Yi Jung's POV

Yi Jung smoothed non-existent wrinkles on his suit as he looked at the door of Eun Jae's classroom. He agreed to go see her on the condition that Ga Eul would be staying at his penthouse until he came back, waiting for him. She agreed too easily.

He didn't feel good about manipulating Ga Eul into staying with him, but he had to do what needed to be done. He was sick of worrying himself every night that something might happen to her. Because of her parents or wherever shit hole she spent her nights.

Since Ga Eul refused to live with him right away, he was left to luring her in step by step until she fully lived with him. Ga Eul had been right. It would be too easy to lure her in. That's why Jan Di had entrusted him with this mission. The last time she got sick was the tip of the iceberg for both of them.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. Eun Jae was sitting at her desk, searching for something. She looked exactly like he had left her except now she had more of a glow about her. Happiness. He cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked his way, and her eyebrows knitted together in confusion and shock.

"Hello, Yi Jung." She greeted him first.

"You don't look that surprised to see me." He commented.

"I thought Il Hyun would wait a bit more before he made us meet again."

"What does my brother have to do with this?" He asked before he noticed the big rock on her finger. That didn't make sense. Until it did.

"You and my brother?" He asked, shocked.

"You didn't know? Then how did you find me?"

"Ga Eul." He muttered, still in disbelief about the recent news.

"The cute student? You're her boyfriend?"

"She told you I'm her boyfriend?" Yi Jung gushed before he regained his composure.

"Looks like we need a lot of catching up to do." She laughed awkwardly.

"Do you want to go to the museum?" He asked.

"Sure."

He had both fond and ugly memories at the museum. It was his past, present and future. He didn't know whether he hated or loved it. Both emotions didn't matter. What mattered was it would belong to him when the time came.

"I haven't been here in so long." She said as they walked around the art pieces.

"I can't say the same." He replied, still irked by the relationship between her and his brother.

"We didn't want you to find out this way. I'm sorry."

"We both have a lot of things to be sorry for, so let's skip the apologies."

"It's still so cold in here." She said, rubbing her palms together.

"And you still get cold easily." He laughed. She smiled at him, looking relieved.

"Ga Eul is wonderful."

"She is. She sent me here. To make amends."

"There are no amends to make."

"I doubt that's true. You left me without even a goodbye. I think there are a lot of things to amend for."

"You think I left because of something you did? I once believed that I would always be by your side, but I guess a broken heart has a mind of its own. I was young then. The rejection took its toll on me more than what was left of my pride could take."

"What rejection?" He asked.

"You never got my letter?"

"What letter?" He asked, confused.

"Oh. Oh. Yi Jung, when I left I thought you rejected my feelings. I left you a letter, so I could confess my feelings."

"I never knew. That must've looked shitty on my part. I apologize."

"I thought you said no apologies. It doesn't matter anymore. I did have feelings for you at some point, but you never did. You thought I betrayed you, but in truth, you never loved me back. Not properly. I guess in hindsight it's good you didn't get my letter."

"I regret not being aware of it. Even if these feelings don't matter now, they mattered before. You were always more than just a friend to me."

"But never more. See, that would've always been the case. I was always there, so you mistook my presence for more intimate feelings rather than pure simple friendship." She said.

"I'm glad you were in my life. You made my life more.. colourful."

"How's your mother?"

"Same old. Father's the same as well. And you? How's life treating you?" He asked.

"Good. Great, actually. I love teaching. And Il Hyun makes me so happy."

"I'm happy for you two. Rather shocked, but as long as you both are happy."

"You have changed. You seem more at peace."

"I try. It's not easy, but it's getting manageable."

"Tell Ga Eul about my gratitude for her. She was a delightful student. I'll miss her."

"I'll let her know."

Yi Jung found Ga Eul on the couch munching on popcorn. He could tell her mind was preoccupied as she immediately noticed his presence. The movie on the TV wasn't more than just background noise.

"It went well. A bit of a shock to the guts but necessary."

"How do you feel about the engagement?" She asked.

"Kind of pissed if I'm being honest. However, selfishness does run in our bloodline."

She let out a chuckle.

"That was a shock to me as well. It's not a good move from both of them." She admitted.

"Yeah, but I don't care anymore. Let them have their run of fun. When I talked to Eun Jae. It felt weird. It was good to catch up, but it was bound for us to fall apart."

"Do you miss those times when you were friends?"

"Not really. I was in a dark place. Right now, all I'll ever need is by my side." He said, leaning his head on her shoulder and grabbing a handful of popcorn.

"This movie sucks by the way. I watched it before." He said.

"I haven't been paying attention, but now that I'm looking at it, the actor looks like has hidden anger issues."

"How could you possibly know that?" He asked.

"His eyes look crazy. He's thinking about smacking someone. I tell you."

"Maybe he's acting. Since that's his job." He replied.

"That's supposed to be a cute love scene, but he looks like he's planning her murder for God's sake. See, he's hugging her now, but I know he's thinking about crushing her head with his grip." She explained.

"Now that I'm looking at it. You're right. I'll never be able to unsee that."

"I'm never wrong." She laughed.