During their morning routine on Sunday, that Dawn is finally starting to get used to. Buffy seems to be unusually aggressive and brusque. After a particularly punishing kata, where she didn't seem to be able to get anything right, Dawn whirls on Buffy.
"Buffy, are you alright?"
Buffy bites out, "I'm fine Dawn. Unless you want to hear about my love life with Angel."
"Well, if you're fine, stop taking it out on me!" She turns and runs into the house, crying.
A few minutes later, while Buffy is still staring at the door, Giles comes out with a yawn, "Don't you think you were a little harsh with her?"
Buffy starts to pace the yard, "How could he do that to me?"
"Buffy, what's going on?"
"Angel, that's what."
"I can't imagine what he could have done."
Buffy whirls on Giles, "He tried to pull the age card Giles. Not only did he try and treat me like a child, but he claimed that he has centuries of life on me. Then, he tried to kiss me. He's lucky I didn't kill him."
Giles coughs, "Yes, well, while you're not a child, he is somewhat older than you."
Buffy stalks forward, "No, he, isn't. I had a life Giles. I had a life over there. I was born, I grew up, and I lived. It's been over a thousand years since the old war ended, and I've been awake for the last 400 of them. I fought in that war, and we went to sleep because we hoped we were no longer needed. I was woken up when someone found me in the cave I slept in. They wanted to vivisect me, to discover how I worked and use that knowledge to make new weapons of war. Since then, I did what I do here, I stood between the innocent and those who would trample on them. But this time I wasn't alone, I had my brothers and sisters in the Tenno, and our surrogate mother."
Giles sits heavily on the steps to the decking, "I had no idea, why didn't you say something sooner?"
"Willow," Buffy spits, "she's so certain that she saved me. How can I destroy that? It would break her. It would break the others too. Then what? Will they call me a demon, like Angel did, and try to kill me? Will they continue to think they saved me when I tell them that I'd just been stabbed through the back by the instigator of the new war? I did my time here Giles, and I moved on. Yet, I'm back, and I don't fit anymore."
Giles takes off his glasses to clean them, "We might be able to send you back."
Buffy laughs as she shakes her head, "No you can't, the price has been paid and I'm stuck here now. I bit a bullet Giles. The day after I was brought back, I took a gun and bit a void damn bullet. Then I woke up in my coffin again. It's clear that my Oro was brought with me. I'm stuck here now, so I've been starting to build a new life." Buffy slumps down next to Giles, "But it's hard. So hard, my hands are drenched in blood."
Giles reaches over and places a hand on Buffy's hand, "Buffy, you're not the only one that has killed. You may remember our first Halloween together, when Ethan enchanted the costumes."
Buffy shakes her head, "Sorry, not with any detail. I have so many memories, this life is a tiny fraction of that."
"Right, that would be a problem. When I was a young man, so many years ago, I believed that the council were wrong in being so passive. So I took the fight into the darkness with a few friends. That was a dark time of my life, and I earned the nickname Ripper. We didn't stop until we went after something we couldn't deal with, that no mortal could deal with. I wish I could spare you all that, as you all seem so young."
Buffy laughs, "None of the Tenno ever physically aged past their late teens. I look older now than I ever did there. I'm a monster Giles, by any definition of the word, I'm a monster."
"Buffy, you are not a monster."
"Giles, I've slaughtered thousands of innocent civilians without mercy. I've wiped out whole crews of ships on a contract. I've stolen sensitive information from corporations, and I've destroyed painstaking research that could have improved the lives of billions of people. How am I not a monster? Then I come back here, and I take a job working for a Kleynach demon."
Giles pauses, picking his words carefully, "Buffy, I. I think that; I think that you are a damaged young. No, not young. I think that you are a damaged woman who is trying to push me away from you. No, I don't think that you're a monster. I think you've lived a life that I could barely comprehend, let alone understand." He takes his glasses off again, "I have to confess that I contacted some friend in Britain to do a divination on you. They called me while you were out yesterday, and they told me you weren't a demon, and you weren't evil. They said that you are a void in the darkness, and through the void you bring light. Buffy, I don't believe that there is anyone here that could understand what you experienced. But that doesn't matter, as we are your friends and, if you'll let us be, your family."
After a few minutes of Buffy staring sightlessly at the stars, Giles stands up and walks back inside.
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Later that day, Buffy eventually catches up with Dawn as she's coming in through the front door.
"Hey Dawn. Listen, I just want to apologise for being so hard on you this morning. It's not fair on you for me to let my frustrations with other people affect the way I behave with you. I won't promise it won't happen again, as I'm not a saint. But I will promise to try and leave those issues outside of our time together."
Dawn was all set to run up the stairs and slam the door, instead all she seems to be able to do is stare at Buffy as though she's grown a second head. After a moment she opens her mouth, "Really? You apologise, and suddenly you expect everything to be better again?" Internally, she's screaming at herself, as that's not what she wanted to say.
Buffy sighs, "Not at all. Apologies don't fix things. What they do is open the way forward to repairing things."
"Why?" Dawn whispers.
"Why what?"
"Why are you being so understanding? Why did you apologise? Adults don't do that."
Buffy leans against the wall heavily, "Dawn, I am old, so very old. I've told you about that already. I've made more, and bigger, mistakes than you can possibly imagine. One of the things that time has taught me, is that denying that you've made a mistake doesn't make that mistake go away, or undo any of the damage you caused. The only thing you can do, is own up to your mistakes, and try to learn from them and do better. Dawn, you are an adult in all but name. This society insists on treating you like a child, but you're not, you're a young adult. Old enough to make your own mistakes, but not yet experienced enough to always see them coming, or get yourself out of them." Dawn nods along absently, so Buffy smiles, "Ok kiddo, I can see that you've already gone into 'an adults talking' mode, so let's move on. Do you know what weapon you want to use?"
Dawn shakes her head, "No, no, I was listening."
Buffy smiles, "No you weren't, your brain heard a certain amount of what I said and stopped paying attention. It's ok, you still see me as your 20 year old, older sister. So, instead, we'll talk about what weapon you want to learn how to use."
"Um, a stake?"
Buffy laughs, "Ok, not a stake. And no hand guns either."
"Bow?"
Buffy nods, "Bow's good. We can grab one from the Magic Box later, as well as some arrows. I'll also teach you how to use a dagger. Once you've got the basics down, I'll make one of each for you. And Dawn, this bit is important, no matter where you go, I want you to have the dagger with you at all times."
Dawn looks surprised, "But what if I want to go out?"
"You will have it on you. This isn't a negotiation. This is your life and safety. You probably won't be able to kill most opponents with it, that's what your bow's for."
Dawn starts to shake, "Kill?"
Buffy nods, and holds Dawns upper arms, "Yes, kill. If it's between you and them, then I want it to be you. It doesn't matter if it's a vampire, demon, or human, I want you to be the one coming home to me. Do you understand?"
Dawn swallows hard, "But you can't kill vampires."
Buffy looks at her gravely, "Dawn, I'm not going to sugar coat it with the euphemisms the others use. We kill vampires. Not dust, destroy, release, put down, or any of the other terms they've used. We kill them. Putting a pretty word on it doesn't change what we're doing. They are thinking and reasoning beings that have a non-human morality. We kill them because we know that, with a few exceptions, they treat humans like happy meals on legs. The same is true of most demons too. If a human serial killer came to town, and I encountered them. I'd kill them just as easily as I kill a vampire or demon that is preying on innocent humans. Do you understand?"
Dawn shakes her head, "No, no I don't understand."
Buffy sighs, "That's ok. You're young and innocent. I hope you can grow old and innocent too. But if you can't, I'll settle for just old. So, you're going to carry the dagger, and hope you never need to learn why I insist on you carrying it."
Dawn bows her head sullenly, "Yes Buffy."
"Good, now we're going to find you a dagger the right size, and a bow you can draw. Then you can head out with your friends."
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A couple of weeks later, Spike hops over the back fence while Buffy and Dawn are having their morning girl time and training.
Buffy stops mid move, before leaping back lightly, "Dawn, break. Spike, great timing."
Spike looks at Buffy warily, "Slayer?"
"Come here, I need you for an anatomy lesson."
Spike looks behind himself, "Actually, I have something important I need to do."
"Spike, you can either come here now. Or I can beat you up, and you can stand here with bruises, and maybe a broken bone."
"I'll take my chances thanks."
Buffy sighs, "I'll let you have some of my blood."
Spike looks hopeful, "From the neck?"
Buffy just looks at him with a dead expression until he obediently stands where she's pointing.
"Dawn, pay attention. Spike here is a vampire, obviously. That means that if he was attacking you, most of the normal defences won't work, as he's stronger and faster than you are. That also means that wounds that would cripple a human will only inconvenience him for a couple of hours at most."
"Hey!"
Buffy uses her practice blade to point at each location as she's talking, "That means that you need to strike to cripple if you want to survive. Inside the elbow, back of the knees or ankles, inside of the wrists, or back of the hand. Each of those places have major ligaments close to the surface.
"The back of the elbow is only good if you are sure he can't grab you, as it will stop him from punching you. Don't bother trying to stab him, as it will just piss him off. Though, a younger vampire may still react as they would have in life. Same with stamping, biting, or punching. If you can get his eyes, then great. But when they vamp out… Vamp out please Spike." With a sigh, Spike vamps out, "As you can see, when they vamp out, their brow ridges become very pronounced. This makes it almost impossible to take their eyes out with a downward slash or claw. Instead, you need to go for a much easier to avoid stab, or horizontal slash. If you look at his fingernails, you'll see that they've lengthened slightly. What you can't see is that they're now razor sharp.
"Vampires can also move faster than you can see. So if you're facing a vampire, you shouldn't reveal your dagger until you absolutely need to use it, otherwise they will just take it away."
Dawn swallows, "If that's so, why were we able to kill the ones in the grave yard."
Spike takes out a cigarette and lights it, "Because they're young and stupid. They know how to fight, but most of them forget that they are vampires and try to fight like humans."
"Why didn't you go all vampire on them then?"
"Oh, right, I go all vampire while I'm outnumbered six to one, and remind them all that they can all move superfast and they have claws. What do you think I am, suicidal?"
Buffy nods, "Exactly. Also, unless they've been exercising recently, or they've fed, vampires don't produce heat. So always check how people are dressed after dark. Is it hot, and they're wearing a jumper. Is it cold, and they've only got a thin jacket and a tee-shirt. If they're trying to seduce you, feel under their shirt."
Dawn goes red, "Hey!"
Buffy shares a glance with Spike, "Dawn, you're 15. I know you're interested in people, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you Spike, I'll do you a glass of blood when we're finished out here at seven. Or next time you're around, if you don't want to wait that long."
Once Spikes gone, Buffy looks at Dawn, "Hey, Dawn. You ok?"
Dawn crumples, "Is it true, are we really that out matched?"
Buffy nods solemnly, "You are, at the moment. If you can understand the Vazarin way, and manifest Mending Unity, then we can work on Guardian Shell, and Void Snare. Together, they will buy you the time you need to get to safety. I'll also try to teach you how to infuse your arrows with energy. But that comes later. Now, is there anything else you want to talk about. Don't forget, this is our time, not just training time. While we're here, we're just sisters, and I'm passing on what I know. Come on, dish. Are there any boys that have caught your eye?"
As she moves back into the movements of the Vazarin way, Dawn screeches, "Buffy!"
Buffy laughs, "So there are, what are they like?"