It doesn't take long for the three of them to meet up at Magic Box, or for Giles to let them in.
Buffy puts her coat over the skull before sitting down at the table, "Giles, I have to confess that I'm not particularly sure of what happens now. As last time research needed to be done, I was working. The time before that was the day after I was brought back. So, what do we do?"
Giles takes his glasses off to clean them, "Ah, well. We have a library of ancient and esoteric tomes on the mezzanine floor. However, they haven't been catalogued beyond what category of book they are. We know he's a demon, and that he has been summoned. But that's about it."
Buffy shakes her head, "We also know that my boss is wary enough of him to be out of town while he's supposed to be around."
Giles sighs and puts his glasses back on, "Yes, there is that. So, we're probably looking for his identity first, and then trying to find the banishing ritual."
Buffy nods, and stands up her voice rising in song, as she leaps up to the library and passes a book down to Giles "Because I'm all about those books, all those books."
Giles places the book on the table and passes it over to Dawn as he sings, "Start reading."
After another round of the same, that ends up with Giles sitting at the table reading a book, Dawn takes over, "Yeah, it's pretty clear that I am really cool. Because I'm reading, reading. It's what I like to do…"
As the song continues, first Willow, then Tara, and finally Anya dance in through the various entrances to each take a book from Buffy.
Once the song comes to an end, Buffy leans over the railing of the library, "Um, guys, I know we kinda got carried away there. But can we take a more structured approach to this? I mean, randomly going through books will turn up an answer eventually, but um, would it be better if I handed the books to Giles and he puts them in one of 3 piles. Probably, maybe, and longshot. Only, I think he knows more about what's in these books than anyone here. Once you've finished with a book, you can put it in a definitely not or probably not pile. Willow, Tara, concentrate on summoning rituals that mention Lord of the Dance. Dawn, concentrate on Demons. Anya, I want you to grab some paper and write down everything you can remember that could be related to Lord of the Dance. I don't care if it's a play from across the ocean or something equally asinine, once you're done, join Dawn."
Giles looks up, "What about me?"
"Giles, you're the expert here. I trust your judgment, and I couldn't guess where your strengths are."
Anya looks up at Buffy, "What are you going to be doing?"
"Once I've got all the books down, I'm going to be setting up some tables using the pallets from outside, and I'll transfer the piles of books onto those. I think I saw a whiteboard in the basement, so I'm going to bring that up and put what we know on it so that we can all see it at a glance. Then I'm going to make everyone a cup of tea or coffee. If there's spare time, I'll be starting to flick through the probably not pile, to double check things, and also make a note of the book title and headings or broad contents, so that next time we can quickly check that list to see if anything rings any bells."
Anya makes an O shape with her mouth before grabbing a pad and a pen.
Giles frowns as he starts sorting the books, "Buffy, I don't think it's a good idea to make those notes."
"Oh?"
"There is a lot of dangerous knowledge in these books. We have the benefit of always having access to these books. However, some of the people who have caused trouble in the past only had an hour or so's access to the books. So, I feel that having a convenient set of notes around would be more detrimental long term, than it would be helpful."
Buffy shrugs, "Ok, how about if I wrote it in corpus script?"
Giles takes his glasses off to clean them, "I'm afraid there are spells to translate any known language."
"Ok, I want to discuss what known language actually means later. But for now, I'll just make a list of titles that we've ruled out."
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It's 3am and Dawn has already fallen asleep, Willow has got up to stretch her legs, and Anya has sung about bunnies twice.
Buffy puts down the book that she's currently double checking, and puts her pen in the crease so that she doesn't lose her page. Standing up, she walks over to Willow, "Hey Willow, you're supposed to be one of my oldest friends, so I'm just checking in with you. Are you ok?"
Willow looks up at her with a tired expression, "What, no, just a bit tired. How are you still so fresh?"
Buffy shrugs, "Regular meditation, I guess. Do you think we should call it a night."
"What? No! I'll just do a spell to freshen everyone up."
"Willow, will that actually freshen everyone up, or just make them feel like it."
Willow smiles, "Don't worry, it will be like drinking 4 expressos."
"Then don't, you all need real sleep, not just alertness. As we're doing stuff that requires attention to detail."
As she's about to turn to the rest of the room, Tara and Giles are affected by the magic and launch into a soft duet about leaving. [AN: Under your Spell/Standing (reprise) – Except Giles doesn't feel he's contributing anything, and that Buffy has outgrown him]
As the song comes to a close, Buffy's head lolls forward in despair and exasperation and she mutters, "I asked her to talk to me first." In a louder voice she addresses the room, "Right, that's it, we're all tired, so I'm calling it a night. Anya, will you be alright getting home, or do you want to couch surf somewhere?"
Anya looks between Tara and Willow warily, "Um, I can get home."
Buffy nods, "Good, Giles, we need to talk about your concerns when we're both awake. But you are still needed here. And Willow, you're sleeping on the couch, and as soon as this situation is dealt with you need to find alternative accommodation."
Softly, Tara says, "It's ok, I can go."
Buffy shakes her head, "No, this has nothing to do with you and your relationship. This is to do with Willow."
Willow looks surprised, "Me, but I didn't do anything to you."
"You broke my trust Willow. You erased Tara's memory, how can I trust you haven't done that to Dawn or I? Would you even tell me if you did? Void, would you even remember if you did?"
"I haven't, I promise."
"Prove it."
"What? But I…"
"Precisely, this is why trust is so important. You can't prove you didn't do it, because you could have erased your own memory."
"But you can't do that. Magic doesn't work that way."
"Really? How can I trust your word on that? No Willow, I can't trust you in that way again, so I can't have you living in my house."
"But…But… I wouldn't need to be living with you to do that, not that I would, so kicking me out doesn't make any sense."
Buffy sighs, "Willow, do you really want to die that much?"
Willow shakes her head, "No, no, living is good, I like living."
"Then don't make threats like that."
"I wasn't making a threat."
"Willow, for someone that so intelligent, you are so very stupid sometimes. What you just said is a threat, you may not have meant it as one, but that's what it was."
Buffy stalks away, to the rest of the group, "Giles, sorry to ask this, but do you have space on your couch for a couple of nights?"
"I, um, that is…"
"Giles, it's alright to say no."
"Um, I'm living with a lady friend at the moment."
Buffy smiles, "Good for you, one more reason to stay. Anya?"
Anya shakes her head emphatically, "No, no. I'm not having anyone get in the way of my Xander time."
Buffy nods, "Fair enough. Ok Willow, you're still sleeping on the couch, only because I don't want you to be lunch for a vampire. Giles, do you think you could talk to her and explain what she's done wrong? As I'm worried I'll shoot her if I did it."
Giles looks distracted again, before he quickly refocuses on Buffy, "Oh, yes right. Um, yes I can talk to Willow."
Buffy nods, and hesitantly puts a hand on Giles upper arm, "Thank you, and I appreciate you doing that sort of thing. I don't really deal with threats very well, as I have my automatic responses to contend with while I am. As, to quote me, once something's deaded you can't exactly say sorry."
"Um, Buffy, I think you actually said, 'I'll say sorry after it's deaded'."
Buffy nods thoughtfully, "Yeah, that sounds more like Buffy Summers. Anyway, times a wasting."
Buffy carefully covers Dawn with her coat, before lifting both Dawn and her bag in a bridal carry. Once they get home, Buffy puts Dawn to bed before returning to the top of the stairs and sinking down into meditation.
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As she lies in bed, conscious of the void next to her where Willow would sleep, Tara stares at the dark ceiling trying to work out how she got to this point. For so long she's been Willow's girlfriend, and she's been content. As that's still better than she deserves. If it wasn't for her, her mother would still be alive.
As she turns over to face Willow, she's surprised to see the shadow of her Doppleganger lying sideways on the bed facing her, its head propped up on its hand.
"Hey Lily."
Tara screams, and falls backwards out of the bed onto the floor. Seconds later, Buffy comes through the door and flicks the light on.
"Tara, are you ok?"
Tara picks herself up off the floor, and looks over the bed, "It was there, it was right there."
"What was?"
"Me, it was lying there, facing me, and it said, 'Hey Lily'. How did it know that?"
Buffy sighs and kneels down beside Tara, "Tara, it's probably just Wally. He likes to pop in on the Tenno, just to remind us he still exists and that we owe him."
Tara starts to cry softly, "He was right, we really are demons."
Awkwardly Buffy looks for somewhere appropriate to place a hand, before settling on Tara's shoulder, "Tara, you are not a demon. Did you make a deal with him?" Tara nods and sniffs loudly, "Then you're just void touched like I am. Do you mind telling me, what deal did you make?"
Hesitantly, Tara explains what she remembers of the deal, at the end of it, she cringes in on herself. Her old insecurities dancing around in her head.
Buffy wryly shakes her head, "Yeah, he got us with that one too. The Tenno I mean. We never asked what the price was, and he didn't volunteer it. I know that I was just desperate to survive. That was what 14 cycles after I killed mum while she was trying to stab me."
Tara looks up at Buffy, a look of horror on her face, "You killed your mother, how did you cope?"
Buffy shrugs, "Badly, as soon as I had the opportunity, I changed my face. After that, well, it didn't really matter, as I was 19 when they stole my memories. Didn't even remember who I was till, oh, three, four hundred years ago. I was just BunnyGirl in chat, or Tenno in person."
"Oh goddess, that's why, Willow. That must have been traumatic, how did you cope. Remembering that is."
Buffy shrugs, "It was traumatic, and not in a useful way, so I removed the trauma, and removed the emotion from the memory. Then it was just something that happened."
Tara emotions bounce back into horror, "How could you do that to yourself?"
Buffy blinks, "Huh?"
"Mutilating your memories like that."
"Oh. No, the memory is still there, completely intact. It just doesn't produce the chemicals that cause trauma. And I removed the trigger from the… I don't know the English term for it, but it's in the base of the brain, and deals with reflex actions. However, that's distracting from what just happened to you."
Tara shakes her head, "You can't just brush that sort of thing off, humans just don't work that way."
Buffy looks up to the ceiling briefly, before looking back to Tara, "Tara, I'm not human. Well, I wasn't. I'm Orokin, and while we're born human, our implants set us above everyone, even the Dax and Corpus…"
Buffy can't help it, she takes Tara's hand and launches into a ballad about the wonders of the Orokin empire.
At the end of it, she shakes her head, "Depths of Demios, that was bad. Yeah, that was the society I grew up in. Great for the people at the top, not so great for the civilians. When I woke up, it was worse if you weren't part of the Corpus, or one of the Grineer. Even in the Corpus things weren't great unless you were at the top. The people at the bottom were slaves in all but name, constantly under threat of physical reclamation if they didn't make the payments on their debt. Then each bit of reclaimed body added a bit to their burden. They reclaim your legs, you now have to have your replacement legs maintained, which costs credits." Buffy trails off as the sees the look of horror and compassion on Taras face, "I'm sorry for upsetting you."
Tara shakes her head, "It's not that, your society sounds like a mix of fantastical and barbaric. And you lived through all of that."
Buffy puts her finger under Tara's chin, "Tara, look at me. Whatever you're imagining, it wasn't that bad. We had our monsters, but for the most part it was just life. The English term for our society is a caste system. I looked it up shortly after I was pulled back here, and India has one that looks a bit like the one I lived in before the war. Only, instead of civilians on the bottom, we instead created short lived hardy clones that had only the intelligence and sense of self needed to get the job done. After the war, they became the Grineer. After I woke up, I and my brother and sister Tenno fought to prevent the free citizens from being subsumed or eliminated by the three major factions. Inside that space, life and society thrived." Then she shrugs, "Besides, it sounds like part of you is finding out first hand what my home is like. As it sounds like I should have survived my trip through the void."
From the dresser, Buffy's voice says, "Oh, very clever you worked it out." The two of the look over to see Buffy, wearing her operator suit, jump off the chair and disappear in a white wisp of mist.
Buffy glances up at the clock, "Come on, it's five in the morning, and you need some actual sleep."
Tara looks at Buffy, "Are we just going to ignore that? And what about you? You need to sleep too."
Buffy chuckles, "Yes, we're going to ignore Wally, as there's nothing we can do about him. And I will meditate, I do have lots of practice after all. I also have my own bed, if you've forgotten."
Tara falls asleep dreaming of fantastical machines, facemasks that offer a glimpse of paradise, and a floating robot that hovers protectively around an almost invisible figure.
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The next morning, Buffy wakes up lying on her side at the top of the stairs. The cause of her consciousness ringing away merrily in her bedroom. As she stares blearily at the stairs, Buffy tries to remember when she fell asleep. Staggering to her feet, she stumbles into her bedroom and stops the bells.
She's still staring at the clock and its incessant demand that it is after 8:30 when the sound of Willow throwing the front door open to sing "Oh what a beautiful Morning" to the world, joined by all their neighbours, reaches her ears. Putting the clock back down, Buffy walks over to Dawn's room to check on her. Seeing that she's still asleep, she listens at the door to Willow and Tara's room, and nods at the sound of deep, even, breaths.
While she's brushing her teeth, Willow makes her way upstairs, having finished her song. As she's waiting for the bathroom, Willow stands nervously in the doorway.
"Buffy, I'm sorry..."
Buffy turns to her and holds up her hand. A few seconds later she spits out the toothpaste and rinses off the brush, "Willow, don't. I'm not the one you need to apologise to. And it doesn't change my decision."
"But my parents hate the fact I'm Wiccan, that's why we roomed together last year, remember?"
Buffy shakes her head, "Actually, no. I remember we roomed together after something to do with a demon. But I don't remember why you were staying there. Or why I was staying there considering how close the house is."
"But, what am I going to do?"
Buffy sighs, "Maybe you should have thought of that before doing what you did to Tara. Someone, I note, who you claim to love."
"Buffy! I do love her."
Buffy walks out of the bathroom, and then turns around, "Willow, why do people say you shouldn't use too much magic? No, not what do you think, what do others think?"
"They say that it pulls you in, but they're wrong."
Buffy nods, "Fair enough. Just as a thought, there's a flyer in the library for something called a 12 step program. I think someone said it was addicts anonymous or something like that. Anyway, you should probably attend a few meetings, just so you know what to look for if it does start becoming a problem."
"Buffy, I'm not addicted."
"I didn't say you were."
Buffy goes and changes her clothes before heading downstairs to cook one of the few foods she's got a handle on making, chocolate pancakes with strawberries and cream. One of Dawn's favourite breakfasts. At the same time she puts on a pot of coffee for everyone.
She's still mixing the batter when Dawn makes her way downstairs, rubbing her eyes, followed by Tara.
Dawn yawns, "Buffy, what did you say to Willow? As she's crying in the bathroom."
"Hmm, she tried to apologise to me, and I told her to apologise to Tara. Also it wouldn't change my decision. Um, I also suggested that she sit in on an addicts meeting so that she learn the signs, just in case her magic use becomes a problem."
Tara looks back at the door to the stairs wistfully, "I still love her, even with that. But I can't be with someone that would do that."
Dawn looks between the two of them, "Um, what did Willow do?"
Buffy tips her head to one side, "Tara, you're the victim, it's your choice. Void damn it, that's the second time this week." Buffy carefully puts the bowl on the counter, and starts fishing out the bits of metal that make up the whisk she was using.
For a minute, the only sounds in the kitchen are the drips from Buffy cleaning off the batter into the bowl. Then Tara grabs a chair and sits down heavily, "Willow made me forget some stuff with magic."
Dawn scrunches her eyebrows together, "That doesn't sound too bad. There's some things I'd rather forget, like Justin, or walking in on Xander and Anya in the basement."
Buffy puts a skillet on to heat before grabbing the strawberries and sits at the kitchen table, "Dawn, what about the memories of meeting me on the tower? Or how about our morning sessions? Or going to get ice cream together?"
"I'd tell her to give them back."
"How would you know they were missing? How do you know she hasn't done it too you already? Would you still be you if you'd lived 30 years without them, and then they were returned?"
"I don't know, I'd ask her I guess."
Tara reaches out to hold Dawns hand, "Dawn, how would you know if she was telling the truth?"
Dawn says, "I ah," and then stops.
Buffy finishes slicing the strawberries, and starts to ladle batter onto the skillet, "It's the paradox of proof. Albrecht Entrati proved that even this paradox has a solution, though in an unrelated science to that of the brain. We used to have a punishment, whereby we would erase the memory of the guilty and give them new memories, thus making them a productive member of society. A several thousand years before I was born, a judge wondered how he could prove that it hadn't been done to him. It took 500 years and many failed experiments for a resolution to the paradox to be found, though not a solution. They developed a new implant that would record an engram of every memory, and prevent them from being erased by replaying them immediately after it detected their removal."
Buffy puts a plate of pancakes down in front of Dawn before turning back to the skillet. Dawn and Tara sit in silence while first Dawn, and then Tara, eat. When Buffy finally sits down with her own pancakes, Dawn asks, "How did Albre… that scientist solve the paradox?"
Buffy chews thoughtfully, "Albrecht was the scientist that first posited, and then proved that the void exists. A proof that was stolen from him, as his peers stole his work and refused to credit him until well after his death. Shortly before his death he wrote out a proof that the untime and unreality nature of the void could be used to follow your personal time back to the point that you were born. It took another, less scrupulous scientist to put the proof into practice. He was successful, even though his subject died before they reached their childhood."
Horrified, Dawn looks at Buffy, "How could they do that to a person?"
Buffy shrugs, "They were a criminal, so they were going to be put to death anyway."
Tara looks at Buffy in shock and surprise, as she starts to really understand that Buffy comes from a completely alien culture, "Buffy, are you even Buffy, or did we pull back an alien."
Buffy nods, as she eats, "I was waiting for someone to ask that. So far as I know, I am the same Buffy you knew before. I even got her memories back the night you pulled me here. Though, it felt like they were just been shoved in there, and they've mostly faded since then." She points her fork at Tara, "Your deal with Wally confirmed it for me. As I bet he'd have taken me back if I didn't belong here. Buffy Summers diary has helped lots, as it brings back flashes of her life when I read it." She sighs, "But just like I'm not really my mother's daughter, Veldé rather than Joyce, because of the centuries of memories, and the personality I developed, between having my memories stolen, and getting them back. It's why I treasure them so much, as they're a glimpse of what could have been."
Insightfully, Tara softly asks, "How are you coping without your implants to manage the memories you've made since your resurrection?"
Buffy looks away, "I think you should kick Willow out of the bathroom so that you can both get ready for a scintillating day of research."
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As they're walking to Magic Box the four of them pass a news stand, and Buffy stops for a moment to read a headline.
Man found dead in West Road cemetery, signs of ritualistic killing.
"Hmm, I forgot to go patrolling last night, what with all the research we were doing."
Dawn and Tara share a glance as Willow nearly shouts, "What? Someone died in the graveyard, and your response is 'I forgot'?" at Buffy.
Buffy shrugs, "Pretty much, yeah."
"What about your Slayer duty?"
"Willow, despite everything, I am just one person. I can't be everywhere. So sometimes people die, and the world moves on."
As Buffy walks away, Willow moans, "When did you become so callous?"
Rather than respond, Buffy just continues the dozen yards to Magic Box. Once inside Buffy makes her way over to the table, where Giles has already started reading, and then looks around curiously, "Um, where are the pallet tables?"
Anya looks up from the till as she's taking out change for a customer, "Oh, I moved them into the back room as they were disrupting the look of the shop, and I didn't want them driving away customers."
Buffy nods before making her way into the back room, once there she takes one look at the books before turning around, "Anya, what happened to all the nice, neat, piles we had?"
Anya shrugs, "I was in a hurry, as I overslept."
Buffy sighs, "Tell me you at least saved my list."
Anya nods, "Yep, I slipped it in one of the books so it wouldn't get lost."
Buffy rubs her temples and Giles gives her a sympathetic look. Returning the look, Buffy asks, "Giles, would you be able to help me resort the piles so the girls can start researching while we finish sorting out everything again?"
Sorting out all the books, and finding Buffy's list takes until lunchtime.
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While they're sorting books, Giles glances at Buffy, "Buffy, I've seen how you've grown over the last few months."
Buffy shakes her head, "I haven't really, I've just learnt more about this world, and this life."
"Regardless, I've seen you fight. I've watched you teaching Dawn, and last night I watched you take the moral route rather than the emotional route."
Buffy looks up, "This is about you returning to England isn't it."
Giles nods gravely, "It is. Buffy, you have outgrown me, and so I need to give you space to truly spread your wings."
Buffy frowns, "I don't have wings, and I never used any of those cosmetic items, as they cause problems with peripheral vision. Though some of my fellow Tenno did use them."
Giles sighs, "It's an expression Buffy. It's supposed to bring to mind birds flying free. Anyway, I feel the only way to do that, is to return to England."
"Giles, it's not just about me. You're Dawn's godfather."
"It's just, Olivia was only here about a job in… I am? I did not know that."
Buffy nods in understanding, "Look, Giles, if this is really about your relationship with Olivia, then go to England and see where it takes you. And don't behave as though you're James Bond, who's lovers are doomed to die."
"Buffy, how is it you remember James Bond, but you don't remember things that actually happened?"
Buffy smirks, "Buffy Summers used to fantasise that you used to be James Bond, and your replacement would come and sweep her off her feet one day."
"I don't believe I wanted to know that. Anyway…"
"Look Giles, don't pretend we don't need you. We do still need you, as you are the most knowledgeable person I know in the occult. It doesn't matter that I've got an education from a civilisation literally millennia ahead of this one. It doesn't matter that Tara and Willow are magically better than you. It also doesn't matter that Anya used to be a demon. You have years of practical and-and learnt experiences that we cannot match. Could any of the rest of us have sorted these books like this? Make whatever decision you want to make. But don't lie to yourself while you're doing it. Could we do without you? Probably. Would it get people killed? Also probably. Yes, at some point, you should step back and allow us to move forward. Maybe that time is now, maybe it isn't. But we are your apprentices, do you really think we know enough to be journeymen."
Buffy goes back to checking the books Giles has already sorted, for her list, while occasionally one of the others comes in for a new book and deposits one in either the "definitely not" or "Probably not" piles.
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It's around 3pm when Xander shows up from work early.
Xander flops down onto one of the chairs, "Hey, everyone, did you find the demon that you called Anya in about last night?"
Dawn looks up from the page she's struggling through, "Does it look like we've found it?"
"Oh, hey Dawn, don't you have some homework or something you should be doing?"
"Buffy, my sister, asked me to help with research."
Buffy glances up from her own book, "I did. And that's a statement, not a question."
"Oh, what are we researching?"
Giles looks up, "The Lord of the Dance."
Xander shifts slightly uncomfortably, "Why?"
Willow looks up from her book, "Because it's making everyone sing and dance."
Xander's eyebrows arch, "Is that such a bad thing? I mean, yeah I sent everyone home early today, and told them not to come in tomorrow. But that's because the dancing was quite frankly disgusting and embarrassing." Dawn snorts with laughter, "What's so funny?"
Dawn snorts again, "Today's Saturday."
"Yeah, and?"
Dawn sniggers, "Tomorrow's Sunday. You told them not to come in on their day off."
Buffy chuckles a little more discreetly. Xander isn't quite so impressed, "So, we have a little smarty pants here. Have you found anything useful?"
Dawn looks at Xander, "Pied piper of Hamlyn. Most versions agree that the village hired him for a task. Though what happened when the villagers renegaded changes, in most versions he returns and leads the children away, never to be seen again. In some, he plays and makes the village dance and dance until they die."
Giles looks up in surprise, "Where did you find that, and why didn't you mention it?"
Dawn points at the shelves where they keep the books for sale, "A book on fairy tales over there while Buffy was dead. And I didn't mention it because I don't think it's related to a Lord of the Dance."
Buffy gets up and quietly adds Pied piper of Hamlyn to the whiteboard.
Giles takes off his glasses and pinches his nose while he things, "Dawn is quite right, it is a good cautionary tale, but unless we find the original German version referenced in one of these books, we won't know if it's related or not."
Buffy hums, "Giles, would it be an idea for someone to make a list of the fairy tales that include dancing. That way if someone comes across one, they can take a closer look."
"Well, it certainly couldn't hurt."
Buffy smiles sweetly at Xander, "Xander, that's your job. And don't break the spines, otherwise Anya will make you pay for them."
Xander looks at Anya, who's looked up from her book keeping at the mention of her name, "Buffy, that's not fair."
"Xander, it needs to be done, and everyone else already has their own tasks."
Xander pouts, "When did you become the research queen, I thought that was supposed to be Willow."
"When I died, now get over there unless you want me to punt you."
Xander sulks as he goes to collect a book on fairy tales, then sulks even harder when he realises that it's not illustrated.