Liz awoke the following morning to find a note on her bedside table informing her that Red had received a late night call and had taken off for Boston.
Looking back to her book, she stared at the sentence she'd been attempting to read for a little over twenty minutes now, still not comprehending any of it.
She worried about Red and Dembe. When that had begun she had no idea.
She had never really thought about it until she found Red asleep at his desk. But now she realized, that while he attended to his own business, he also worked the Blacklist.
A Blacklist she was no longer privy to, given that a call to Samar and Ressler had proven pointless. Everyone seemed especially evasive these days. Only Aram had been talkative, delivering the latest Post Office gossip before he had been called away. But even he had seemed to guard his words carefully.
She felt especially restless today. Either Cooper or Red was making sure that she was purposely kept out of the loop.
When she got back, she was going to give them a piece of her mind. Or, if anything, let them know that if they had been in her position, she wouldn't have left them completely in the dark about every little thing.
Red's voice startled her out of her revelry. "Did you get my messa..." He hesitated, frowning at her hard. "What's wrong?"
"What makes you think anything is wrong?" She frowned right back, stubbornly crossing her arms over her chest.
He continued on his trek across the room, sensing the problem.
"Restless?" He asked, sitting beside her, laying his hat on her side table.
"I don't know what's going on at the Post Office. Every body is shutting me out. And–" She inhaled, opening her mouth once again ready to spout off her grievances, when Red gently placed his fingers over her lips.
"Why won't you show me anything you're working on?" she managed around the thick objects, much to his amusement.
"Because Harold forbid you to work." Red informed her, knowing very well what she was thinking. He casually removed his fingers.
"You are so lyin–" she sighed, then her shoulders slumped. "Cooper really won't let me work?"
"No, he said you are to take time. And you should. You haven't taken a vacation since this started." Red reminded her of her own thoughts. "And while it isn't an exotic beach locale, it is still down time, which you need."
Liz rubbed the tension from her neck and shoulders.
"No one is shutting you out on purpose or to spite you." He pushed her hair behind her ear, smiling when she leaned into the touch. "Why don't you call in a little bit and invite your team out for dinner?"
"You think?" she perked up instantly. "They'll be too busy, won't they?" she asked uncertainly.
"I think they'll enjoy the break." Red knew his words to be true. "Besides, it will be good for you to get out for a while."
She studied the man's face religiously for a long beat. The lines around his eyes seemed more pronounced and there was a grim set to his mouth that had not been there earlier.
"You're working too hard."
"I never work too hard." he scoffed.
"You are. You're gonna crash, Red." she forewarned. "You were so heavily asleep at your desk, that when I called your name, you didn't hear it." the fact troubled the woman. "I walked into the room and it didn't alert you? That's not like you." she knew for a fact.
"I don't sense danger when you walk into a room."
"Maybe you should. There were sharp objects on the desk." she quipped, then sobered. "Take a break, before you collapse out of exhaustion."
"I will take a break soon, Mark's party is–"
"Is more than a month away!" she persisted. "I'm worried for both you and Dembe. You guys can't keep up this pace."
Red brushed the hair from her shoulder. "I'll try, Lizzy." he explained patiently. "But you have to understand, there is a lot I have to do before we go to Mark's." he smiled gently at her. "To get the time off, to keep the interruptions to a minimum, certain things must be accomplished."
"Will you at least try to get more sleep?" she suggested. "Just give the names to me and I'll pass them off to the team."
"And this is you resting, correct?"
"I'm broken in a couple of places, not incapacitated." she reasoned logically. "My mind is rested and functioning now. Let me help."
"I'll think about it." he placated.
The team was just as excited about the dinner as she, herself. It took the woman longer to get ready than she had anticipated for her anxiously awaited night out.
"Do I look okay?" She surveyed herself in the mirror, checking the wounds on her neck and head. They were mostly faded, but to Elizabeth, they stood out like a neon sign, a constant reminder of a night she would just as soon forget.
"You look beautiful. Would you stop worrying." Red chuckled appreciatively. "It's time to go anyway. You don't want to be late."
As they reached the front door, she realized that she couldn't even remember coming through it. What an odd sensation. She had only seen a select few rooms of this magnificent home. She suddenly felt out of her depth, discombobulated... apprehensive...afraid. Scared to death, actually.
Red halted his steps, feeling her hesitation.
"I'm okay, I just realized I haven't stepped out this door since I've been here. I guess I'm a little nervous." she shook her head slightly, the silken strands of her hair swishing gently this way and that. "Silly, huh?"
"Everybody feels a little out of place after a simple vacation, let alone a traumatic experience such as the one you experienced." he said. "You'll be fine once we get in the car."
She leaned into him, needing the added support. Dembe stood at the car, his smile a welcoming one. She managed the steps, then glanced back at the house.
"Wow... it's gorgeous!" She observed her surroundings, noting a six foot tall decorative iron fence and a gate blocking the drive. The two story house was lit top to bottom, light streaming from gigantic picture windows.
A cobblestone driveway stretched in either direction from the south side of the palatial residence to the north. A brightly lit entranceway welcomed any fortunate visitor.
There was a decorative wall lined by neatly trimmed shrubs, which ran the entire length of the home. Two gigantic urns overflowed with lush ivy on either end of the structure.
The house literally took her breath away. "Red, this house is simply amazing."
Her words pleased him immensely.
Once through the gate, she gripped Red's hand in hers, her agitation resurfacing. Squeezing her hand back, he let her fidget and fiddle with his all she needed.
He watched her in silent contemplation. He hadn't realized until just now, as she worked out her anxiety, that he was her worry stone.
With each passing block, he felt that tension bleed from her, the grip loosened. Until they hit a populated strip, indicating the were nearing their destination, where as the slender fingers reaffirmed their hold.
He leaned closer, inhaling, his eyes closing. "You smell fantastic."
Liz suddenly actually felt beautiful, seeing herself mirrored in the man's gaze, her anxiety melting into oblivion.
He had bolstered her mood with one simple gesture. She took a steadying breath, smiling brightly for him as they pulled up to a intimately lit, posh restaurant.
Red went around to her side, waving away the valet, before helping her out. Leaning back into the vehicle, he grabbed her crutch, mumbling something to Dembe before closing the door.
He helped her inside, bypassing the hostess all together. Liz looked around, searching aimlessly for her friends. Her mood lowered when she could not locate them anywhere.
"I don't see them." She frowned.
"That's because I got you a private room." Red replied, guiding her through the main dining area. "I assumed that you would want to talk freely about work and what not, and you couldn't really do that out here."
They reached a door, which Red opened without hesitation to find her team sitting stiffly inside.
"Hi guys." She smiled warmly, which put them at ease instantly.
The gang returned the welcoming gesture, questions concerning her health flooding the room. All moved aside, offering space as Reddington seated her at the front of the table.
A waiter came in taking orders for drinks and appetizers. Liz craned her head, a puzzled look on her face when she realized that Red had yet to sit.
"Did I take your seat?" She questioned pointedly.
Red leaned forward, speaking for her alone. "I'm going to give you some time alone with your friends, they'll feel more comfortable if I'm not here, I think." he smiled at the room in general. "We'll pick you up when you're ready to go."
Reddington felt comfortable leaving the woman, knowing Silas and his men were stationed in and around the restaurant.
"There's a bar across the street if you should desire. They have some entertainment, pool tables and the like." Red was the consummate host. "Good drinks, if you should wish to lengthen your evening. And don't worry, you will have a designated driver to see you home, should you imbibe."
He spoke again to her directly, "Your tab is already taken care of both here and at the bar, for you all, so don't worry about that." He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, leaning in, murmuring warmly in her ear, "Happy birthday, Lizzy."
Standing, he reset his hat and bid the rest of them a pleasant dinner before taking his leave.
Liz watched after him the entire time, feeling a little dispirited, truth told.
The hours flew by and unfortunately time to go was fast approaching. Liz reluctantly made the call for the car, then sat back to enjoy the remaining moments with her friends.
Sitting at the bar, sipping their last drinks laughing over some office gossip was her idea of an relaxing evening. Liz leaned to Samar, speaking quietly over the din.
"So, why didn't the new guys come with you?"
"They are not part of our team." Samar informed her abruptly. "Besides, Moore is a son of a bitch and I don't think Wilson is old enough to drink."
"You really don't like Moore huh?"
"What gave it away?" Samar blinked innocently "I would have snapped his neck by now if Red would stop getting in my way." she pulled a cute grimace. "I can't wait for you to come back and for him to disappear. Which may actually happen if Dembe gets his way." Samar clapped her hands happily, smiling widely.
So what Red had been saying was true. Liz had never seen Samar react in such a manner.
"And Wilson?"
"He's all right, I suppose. Or maybe he's less annoying then Moore, so I don't notice him all that much." Samar sipped her drink casually. "He gets along with Ress, but maybe that isn't saying much, since Ress seems to get along with most pricks."
Samar held her drink aloft, her intelligent brow furrowing slightly. "You already know Wilson," she seemed perplexed, "he was one of the new guys that came in a couple of weeks before your accident... this drink brings out the best in me."
Liz smiled for Samar's quip. "I don't think I remember him?" she admitted.
"Wilson had that hideous blue and yellow tie?" Samar reminded.
"Oh! Right." she brightened, nodding. "That thing was blinding."
"That's putting it mildly." Samar snorted. "Damn thing burned into my corneas."
Liz sniggered quietly, "Well, hopefully it won't be long now. I'm hoping I won't have these things on but a couple more weeks." she held one cast aloft.
"Yeah well, don't forget your PT and Requalification." Samar held up a finger. "Why did Reddington leave?" She probed casually, having meant to ask hours ago.
Liz blinked at the change in conversation. Samar really had been hanging around Red too much, to have picked up his trait. The man could put one at ease so quickly then turn it around to his advantage in the blink of an eye.
"He thought you guys would relax if he wasn't there. I'm assuming he meant Ress more than anyone." Liz supplied. "And I guess he thought I would have more fun, if he wasn't there to intrude." She morosely stirred her drink.
"Did you? Have a good time?" Samar asked innocently.
"I did. I've missed you guys. But that doesn't mean I couldn't have had just as good a time had he stayed." She punctuated, jabbing her straw at the fruit floating in the glass.
Samar shrugged, before wrapping her lips around the tiny straw sticking out of her glass, admirably hiding her need to smile.
"What? Did he say somethin..."
She felt a tap on her shoulder and spun on her stool to find Silas, not Dembe, waiting with keys in hand. "Liz..."
"You aren't Dembe." the woman voiced her puzzlement.
The man smiled at her, "I have a better build and much better hair."
Liz rolled her eyes smiling in spite of herself.
"Are you all ready to go?" Silas asked amiably, including the group in his inquiry.
Aram fell forwards, hastily catching himself before sliding clumsily off the stool he had occupied.
Silas held his amusement for the man's condition. "The car is this way." He offered flashy gesture to the stumbling group, gripping Aram's arm as the man passed, directing him towards the door. "This way."
"Who's he?" Samar asked pseudo-quietly, totally interested.
"Silas..." Liz answered, confused as to why the large guard had shown up instead of Dembe. "My bodyguard."
"He could guard my body." Samar whispered seductively, her eyes never once having left Silas.
Ressler looked stunned, before speaking up. "You have a personal bodyguard?"
"Red insisted I have one. Demanded, really." Liz sighed. "With Carver still out there, he wanted someone since I can't really do much in the way of protecting myself right now." she glanced at her condition. "Especially for when he's gone out of town..." She stopped talking, realizing the real reason Silas was there.
Ressler helped her into the car, squeezing her in between Samar and Aram in the back, while he took the front seat.
After an uneventful drive home, except for that one small incident which involved a hastily rolled down window for Aram to empty the contents of his stomach and that stumbling comically inept episode where Ressler tried to help the younger man to his door... finally Elizabeth was alone with her guardian.
"When did he leave?" She asked the silent man.
"About forty five minutes before you called."
"Did he say where he was going?"
"No, he didn't." Silas answered dutifully.
"And he took Dembe with him?"
"He did." Silas confirmed.
"Did he seem... okay?" She didn't know how to ask if Red seemed upset, especially when talking to one of his employees. He may not appreciate that she had asked about a vulnerability.
"He was pissed." the man's eyes never left the road or the rearview mirror. "I also think he wanted to be there to pick you up himself." Silas threw her a bone, seeing as the woman seemed upset. And he believed Reddington truly did want to be there to retrieve her after dinner.
Not that Reddington had left, exactly. He had joined Silas, silently scouring the surrounding buildings himself, until the call had come in... one he had been waiting upon.
Elizabeth fell silent, staring out at the darkened streets passing by, uninterested in the scenery.
Four days of silence.
Aram had sent a 'thank you' email, explaining the team had been hit with a case and that they would contact her at the first opportunity presented.
Liz felt the walls closing in around her. Not even Silas's good humor could bring her out of the funk.
She wondered, had Red supplied another Blacklister, or had they caught a break on Carver's location.
It peeved her that Reddington checked in with Silas instead of her directly.
Granted, all calls had come at three in the morning each day... but she hadn't slept well since Red left. So in reality, she had actually been awake when those calls had come in and could have taken them herself.
She needed to hear his voice.
It frightened her that she seemed to be forgetting the sound of it. She was accustomed to daily calls from him, of being in his company the last two years, and not to hear his voice for some reason or other, seemed extremely odd.
She had so many questions in her mind to ask the man. What was he doing? How much longer was he going to be away? Had he been upset with her for having dinner with her team? Why wasn't he really calling her?
But it seemed, all those questions would have to wait until his return.
With nothing else to do and her mind too occupied, she crawled into bed at eight, hoping that she'd pass out from sheer boredom. She punched her pillow into submission, sighing, heavily dropping her head into it. Liz waited restlessly for sleep to come.
Later that night the woman awoke to a totally darkened room. She bolted upright in the bed, gasping for air. Liz put a hand to her chest, willing the oxygen back into her lungs.
She gulped frantically for air, momentarily panicked, her thoughts racing a mile a minute.
Could there be a problem with her meds? She wiped the sweaty hair from her face, trying to assemble her thoughts...
No wait... she had not taken any medication this night.
Liz instinctively reached for the bedside table, pushing the panic button, alerting Silas she needed help.
With trembling hands, she grabbed a notepad and pen, scratching out a message in messy scrawl.
Silas burst through the door, weapon drawn.
"Elizabeth!" He hurried forward, hastily shifting the gun to his side, scanning the room as he neared her.
She repeatedly hit the mattress, drawing his attention, shoving the paper in his hands.
Silas was already taking out his phone and dialing as he read the one word, RED!
"What's wrong?" He asked as he heard the line click, indicating that someone had answered. "Are you choking?"
She continued to catch her breath, her blue eyes frantically searching Silas's uncomprehending expression.
She clutched her chest, unable to breathe.
Silas understood enough. "Tap your hand once for yes, twice for no."
Red's voice crackled over the phone Silas held aloft. "Talk to me." he commanded, listening intently.
Silas asked a slew of questions, receiving a negative response to each.
The woman's face was ashen, her eyes showing her fear.
"What was she doing before?" Red needed to know.
"Sleeping." Silas supplied.
"Put her on the phone." his tone was quiet and calm.
"She can't breathe, Red."
"I know that, put her on the damn phone."
Silas was momentarily waylaid, his instincts telling him to phone for emergency help. He found himself handing the phone to the woman, his body tense, his mind troubled.
Elizabeth's hand shook visibly as she tried to place the phone to her ear.
"Lizzy, honey, I need you to listen to me." Red's voice served as a soothing balm but Liz still was trembling inside, the panic still very much prevalent. "Do exactly as I say..." the man instructed quietly, "inhale."
She listened intently to his directions, doing as told until finally she was able to breathe in a goodly amount of pure oxygen which inflated her lungs to capacity. Relieved of the overwhelming suffocation she had just experienced, Liz found her voice.
"Red..." she croaked, her mouth and throat parched. "W-Wha..."
Silas handed her a glass of water which she took gratefully.
"Don't talk." Red instructed quietly. "Sip your water, don't gulp it."
How did he know? Her eyes darting questioningly to the large guard.
"Hand Silas the phone." Elizabeth did as he bid, concentrating hard on breathing slowly, in and out.
The man's tone was crisp as he spoke. His instructions were short and to the point.
Silas questioned one thing. "I can stay." he offered.
The reply came immediately. The bulky man glanced at the woman's chalky features, his mind questioning the validity of his orders but... he obeyed them.
"He's going to call you." He slapped the phone closed, his own breathing a bit labored, having had to stand and watch her gasping so laboriously, both willing the damn phone to ring...which it did finally... seconds later.
Silas breathed easier then reluctantly took his leave with only one glance back to the blue eyes that followed his exit. He smiled gently at the woman before closing the door.
"Is he gone?" Red's voice calmed her.
"Yes."
"Breathe with me." She pressed the phone to her ear, concentrating on his even and controlled breathing until she felt her's even out.
"Feeling better now?" the mellowed tone held a slight hint of affection.
"What's wrong with me?" She whispered, afraid of exerting herself.
"There's nothing wrong with you, you just panicked."
"Why now?" She asked brokenly.
"Why now and not a couple days ago or last week?
"Yes."
"Because I was with you then."
She started to roll her eyes, but stopped. Could he be right? The first thing she asked for when Silas came through the door was not a doctor or an ambulance, but Red.
"You've left before." she stifled a yawn, her eyes growing heavy.
"Lie down now." he instructed. "Put the phone under your ear. Just relax."
"I was dreaming...couldn't remember what you sounded like..." Liz mumbled sleepily.
Red had been there in her dream, but she couldn't hear him. He had been talking, but she couldn't hear that deep husky voice. The longer it had gone on, the more distorted the images had become. She had pleaded with him to speak to her. But he kept drifting farther and farther away.
"Did I ever tell you about the time..." Red began slowly, listening to the sound of the woman's breathing, "I believe it was in Tijuana or it could have been Nepal..."
He continued on, talking about everything and nothing, even after he heard her deep breathing, indicating she had fallen asleep.
The sound of metal jingling awoke Elizabeth. Lifting her head, she squinted at the clock, finding it was three in the morning. The last thing she remembered, was Red's voice. She glanced about for her phone, feeling her way in the warm covers.
The object was nowhere to be found.
A slight sound behind her alerted the woman to someone else's presence. Red sat down his watch and her phone on his bedside table.
"You didn't tell me you were coming back." She turned over, seeking the man out.
"You needed me, of course I would come back." Red pulled on the blankets, grumbling. "Move your fast ass."
"Excuse me?" Liz blinked, waking more.
"Not you, the damn cat." He said, crawling in between the blankets.
Keres walked across the bed, flicking it's tail at Red in open annoyance before literally climbing over the woman, settling down behind her back. The animal purred contentedly, feeling Liz's warmth.
The brunette propped her cheek on her fist, watching Red settle into the bed.
"You left without saying goodbye." Her eyes roamed the dark outline.
"I didn't want to disturb your dinner." He groaned, relaxing into the comfortable mattress.
"I wish you would have, I've been..." she hesitated. "Did I do something to upset you?" she asked the unusually silent man.
Had this exacerbated the panic attack? Red turned his head, seeking out her silhouette.
"You could have stayed for dinner. No one would have minded." she shifted, the feline moving even closer, before continuing her thought. "Were you upset that I wanted to spend time with them? Is that the real reason you didn't say anything to me before you left?"
Red rolled up on his elbow, inching closer to her. "I just assumed that you would appreciate some alone time with your friends without me hovering." he held her eyes easily. "And I wouldn't leave like that, even if I was upset with you. But just to clarify, I wasn't even the slightest bit angry with you."
Elizabeth felt better.
"I got word that Xavier Zapato was back in the states, I needed to make contact with him before he vanished on me." he explained his hasty departure. "I contacted your team about where they could find him after I secured a deal with him."
"Xavier Zapato?"
"Drug smuggler who more than dabbles in human trafficking. Particularly in teenage girls." Red's disgust was evident. "I've been trying to nail his ass for a couple of years."
"Why?" she asked. "I mean, I know why." Red didn't like people who messed with kids, but Zapato had to have been brought to his attention somehow.
"He took an associate's daughter a couple years ago. We got the girl back, but not before some abuse had occurred." Red's tone was tight. "He slipped away moments before our team arrived. I've been waiting for him ever since."
"You got him?"
"We did. Official records indicate that I was also captured, if anyone searched."
"Who got to handcuff you this time?" she teased.
"Samar." he smiled briefly. "Speaking of which, what she said makes so much more sense now."
"What did she say?" Liz was curious.
"She said, "you should have stayed, idiot"." The man's brows lifted. "I'm sorry you thought I was angry with you, Lizzy. I just wanted you to have a good time."
"Well, next time, stay for dinner if not a drink." she scolded superficially. "And call me, even if it is three in the morning. And don't leave without letting me know what's going on at least." She reached out, touching his arm.
Red took her hand, kissing the scarring on her wrist. "I'll try, even if it makes Donald irritable. I'll call and I won't leave without saying goodbye again, I promise."
She came the last distance, hugging him. "Thank you..."
Red was startled by the embrace. Though he was upset that she had a panic attack because of a mis-communication between them, he wasn't upset by this new development.
He rolled to his back, taking her slender form as he went.
Laying there quietly, he stroked her back waiting to see what she would do next and was very surprised when she settled more comfortably against him.
"I have to apologize to Silas."
"Why?" he asked, his smile hidden in the dark. She relaxed totally into the touch of his strong fingers as they massaged her back.
"I hit that panic button which was a really stupid thing to do." she had been thinking about it for hours now.
"It was not stupid." Red informed the woman in no uncertain terms. "You were panicked."
"Well, not because of an intruder or anything."
"It doesn't matter, you needed help. He came, that's his job."
"I still don't want him to think I was misusing it."
"He wouldn't think such a thing. But if it makes you feel better, talk to him." his fingers stroked a gentle path back and forth over her spine. "But I'll tell you, he's going to say the same thing I did."
"I scared ten years off the man because of a panic attack." she was embarrassed yet again.
"You didn't know that at the time. And neither did he." Red pointed out. "When I got here, the first words out of his mouth were about you. He understands a lot more than you give him credit for."
"He's had one before?" she was stunned.
"We all have. Men think they're dying." he smiled, adjusting his pillow. "We're always relieved when we realize it's not a heart attack. So relieved in fact," he remembered his own bout well, "we blow off the emotional problem all together and live with the stress, then wonder why we have... a heart attack."
AUTHOR NOTES: My Beta hated this chapter - said it made her start gasping for air. I gave her chocolate, she calmed down. So if you experience the same issues, a candy bar is good medicine.