After arriving home, Elizabeth sat quietly at her Ladies desk, sorting through the mail Diane had left for her before they departed for New York.
She smiled, finding another letter from her Aunt and two from her cousins. She owed her Aunt a letter. She opened a birth announcement which made her smile. The other was a wedding invitation.
Liz tapped the card against her palm, wondering how she should respond. Surely Red wouldn't want to go. Hell, she wasn't even sure she wanted to go.
She sat it aside, making note to get a wedding gift if anything, along with a present for the baby.
Tossing the junk out, she hit on the last correspondence, recognizing the type on the front. She immediately tore into the plain white envelope, her fingers shaking slightly. She read the single sheet of paper.
Reddington will destroy you, like he did your mother.
Keep that in mind. Stay in his company and he'll take you down like he did her.
Hell, your whole family is dead because of Reddington.
Get away from him, Liz, before he does the same to you.
Whoever was sending these, she had to admit, raised questions in her mind.
What was Red's relationship with her mother? How had they met?
Had they been lovers?
And if so... what the hell did that mean to her? And why should she even care?
If it did happen, it happened over twenty-five years ago, she reasoned.
She looked out the large bay window, enjoying the sunshine filtering through the opened drapes. She allowed her thoughts to wander.
She couldn't even remember the woman really, except for small flashes of fragmented memories in the night.
What ever connection Red had with her mother, did not seem all that important any longer.
She was her own person, a fact which Red pointed out to her on a regular basis.
Surely, the man would have told her had he been intimate with her mother. If it was one thing Red Reddington was, it was forthright.
Often he would tell the truth, when a lie would serve him better.
Brushing aside the thoughts of her mother for now, Liz instead, concentrated on something more important.
She was seriously considering a relationship with the man. There was no longer any doubt as to that. But if they did this thing, what would the ground rules be?
How did she feel about him with the others? When he went out of town, could she trust him not to visit other women's beds? Red had been free for so long, how would he feel about any encumbrance or restrictions.
She did know one thing, if they did do this, she wanted commitment. She wanted better than what she had with Tom and... she deserved it.
Liz sat back in her chair. Where had she heard those words? A small smile danced on her lips.
Red wanted to give her those things and thought she deserved them. That's where she had heard it.
Red did care about her... truly.
Red wanted the whole package. He wanted her. He wanted to build a life together.
When she had heard that statement, she had difficulty believing it to be true. But now the question was... how did she go about letting him know she was just as interested, that she was open to having a closer relationship?
If she were anyone else, she could ask a friend, a coworker for advice.
They wouldn't be supportive. They would warn about the dangers of involving herself with a known criminal... it was their job and they would think, that they were merely protecting her.
And the other people she knew, believed her to already be in a relationship with the man.
All except Silas and Dembe.
She really had no clue how Dembe viewed her attachment to Red. The man would do anything if Red said to do it.
And Silas would only tell her to grow a set.
Liz suddenly felt all alone, like never before.
There was one person she could talk to, but the thought made her damn near break out in hives.
The next fifteen minutes passed at a snail's pace as the decision was debated over and over on an endless loop.
Gripping the phone, Liz flipped it nervously in her hand for the hundredth time before sighing.
"You want to know..." she mumbled to herself, "so ask."
She dialed the number quickly, drawing in a steadying breath, preparing herself mentally having heard the first ring. She even thought of hanging up hastily but a loud click negated that choice.
"Mr. Kaplan?" Liz asked nervously.
"Is there a problem, dearie?" the calm, oppressively somber tone replied immediately.
"Well... no." Liz admitted. "But..."
"Yes..." the older woman urged impatiently.
"Did Red sleep with my mother." the younger woman blurted out before she lost her nerve.
"So this is a social call." her tone altered only slightly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." Liz stumbled over her words, "I just..."
"Have you spoken to Raymond about this?"
"Well, no..."
"I wish I could answer that question for you..."
"But you won't because of your loyalty to Red." Elizabeth surmised.
"No, that's not it at all." Mr. Kaplan brushed such nonsense aside. "I just believe that this is a discussion you should have with Raymond, so that there are no questions left unanswered."
"I don't understand."
"If you ask me, and I say 'no'," Kate began, "you may feel a sense of relief, but still some doubt." she stated slowly as if speaking to an errant child. "But if you ask Raymond and he says 'no'..."
"I know it's the truth, because he doesn't lie to me." Liz repeated what she thought the woman wanted to hear.
There was a moment of silence, before the older woman sighed brusquely. "Look, you discuss this with Raymond." she began. "If he doesn't answer your questions to your satisfaction, you call me back."
"I don't know how to say this..." Liz didn't, "so I'll just say it."
"You want to know what to do concerning the proposition that Raymond has presented you with."
Liz was momentarily stunned, unable to form a proper reply.
"I believe Raymond cares for you deeply." Kate began slowly. "And you would be a fool to not accept him in such a capacity."
Elizabeth's mouth gaped, one part of her rejoicing another rather stupefied.
"I can assure you," Kaplan continued, "it isn't every woman who receives such an invitation."
Liz wanted to say so much but was quite frankly, intimidated by the woman to whom she was speaking.
"Raymond is an extraordinary man." Kaplan had said her piece. "Consider yourself fortunate that he has taken notice of you." she hung up with a finality that Liz found slightly insulting.
An hour into the flight, Red sat glancing out at the billowy clouds below the jet's windows. He felt the weight of the world sitting on his shoulders.
What the fuck was he thinking?
How could he even consider getting involved with Elizabeth. And yet, how could he not?
Red Reddington was a felon. One with a murderous past and present. It could be argued that he had only killed people who deserved it, but in the eyes of the law... and God, the semantics blurred considerably.
Elizabeth Keen was an FBI agent. A woman much younger than himself.
But the real fact was, he was only a man. He enjoyed life, lived large, bet big, and took ridiculously dangerous chances, for the simple fact... he no longer cared if he lived or died.
Or at least that was how it used to be.
He had a daughter... somewhere.
And Elizabeth... who meant a great deal to him... had changed his entire outlook on the world.
But what the hell kind of life would she have being tied to him?
Hell, what kind of life did she have now, just because she was born to the wrong parents?
Which led him to other aspects of their lives, ones he had shoved repeatedly to the back burner, simply because he did not have the courage to face them.
Red dialed the number quickly, drawing in a steadying breath, preparing himself mentally having heard the first ring. He even thought of hanging up hastily but a loud click negated that choice.
"Kate..." Red breathed out.
"What's wrong, Raymond?" Kate Kaplan's tone was entirely different when speaking to this man.
"I think I'm in trouble." He rubbed his forehead tightly with his thumb and forefinger, concentrating hard on how to exactly put his feelings into words.
The silence was deafening. Red tried to force his emotions to the surface but he had been suppressing them so long...
"You love her." Kate's tone was filled with sympathy.
"... Yes."
"And what, you don't want to?" the woman cut to the chase. "Because that's a load of–"
"There are so many..."
"You think because you've protected her since she was a child, that you can't love the woman she has become." she stated in that monotone way she had about her.
"...Yes."
"Raymond..." Kate Kaplan sighed fitfully. "You failed her mother, or at least, you seem to think you did. When it was really Katarina who failed you both." even though she could not see the man, she held up a silencing hand. " Regardless of the situation, you've made it up to that woman by providing a comfortable life for her daughter."
"My point exactly, I've been like a..."
"Good family friend." Kate finished. "You did not raise that girl, Raymond. Sam did. He's her father, not you." she put it on the line. "You only helped Sam financially from time to time."
A sharp thud interrupted the flow of the conversation. It sounded vaguely like the fall of an axe... it disturbed the man that he could distinguish such a sound so easily.
"Kate..." he sensed the worst. "What are you doing?"
"Cutting celery for my chicken soup."
The man breathed out a sigh of relief. With this woman, one just never knew.
"I love your chicken soup."
"What ever." it was drolly dismissed. "Elizabeth is a woman now, quite capable of making her own decisions. If she wants to sleep with you–"
"I didn't say anything about–"
"Please, let's not even go there." she waved the butcher knife about aimlessly. "As I was saying, if she wants to be intimate with you, she obviously does not look at you as her father figure. I doubt she ever has."
"She asked me if I was her father." Red arranged the napkins on the table before him in an intricate pattern.
"Well, what the hell did you expect?" the woman poured the celery into a colander, running water over the fresh vegetables. "You appear out of nowhere, integrate yourself into her life for reasons unknown... an enigmatical man such as yourself." the woman grimaced her distaste for the whole thing. "What did you think would happen. And who the hell would not be attracted to someone like you... except me of course."
"She said she hated me."
"You're a big enough man to take a little constructive criticism." the woman dismissed. "She doesn't hate you. Let the past go, she has, for the most part."
"The past can never be put behind us."
"My God, Raymond. Don't be so dense." the woman snapped peevishly. "Why must you hang onto your misguided guilt." the woman chided. "When all you're doing is denying not only yourself, but Elizabeth."
"Denying what exactly?" Red skirted, sitting back heavily in his chair.
"I really hate when you side step the issue." the woman sighed her annoyance.
The silence came again as Reddington prepared himself to face his demons which he would much rather do than this woman to which he now spoke.
"I'm hurting her..." he confessed bleakly.
"Yes, you are." Kaplan pulled no punches. "Tell her about her parents. How they were connected to you."
"Kate..." Red balked instantly.
"There is only one part about her past that interests her right now."
"Now probably isn't the best time." the man bit his lip repeatedly.
"You'll never think it's the right time." the woman scoffed. "When all you're doing is wasting time."
"So much has changed for her." he reasoned. "Her house is gone, her marriage over, her–"
"I know that you've made her orgasm." she stated bluntly. "And don't lie to me and tell me you haven't, because I know when you're lying."
Red frowned, glaring at Dembe. "Is that all you people do?" he threw out an incredulous hand. "Gossip about my love life?"
"We take bets on it, if you really want the truth." the woman's dead pan voice remarked lazily, as she picked up an onion, inspecting it religiously for flaws.
"What the hell does any of this have to do with..."
"You know very well what I mean, so don't play stupid." the woman grated. "It's annoys me."
"She wants to make love..." Red obediently responded as Kate wished. "But..."
"You're worried about the scars." the woman surmised.
"Wouldn't you be." Red's tone held more than a hint of anger.
But Kate knew Red well enough to hear the insecurity underneath the false bravado. "Do you think so little of her?"
"I beg your pardon." Red was getting irritated.
"You think she's that shallow?"
"Well... no." Red didn't think Lizzy shallow at all, but she hadn't seen...
"Tell her how it happened."
"Dammit, Kate!" the man seethed, then sighed. "I can't take that from her." the man whispered painfully.
"It's time she knew the truth, Raymond." Kate gritted. "It will allow her to move on, don't you understand?"
Red stared down into his tumbler, frowning hard.
"Raymond, the truth will out one day." Kate responded sternly. "Do you want her to hear it from you or some reporter."
He breathed in shakily, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. "...Me."
"Stop being so damned secretive and give her something." Kaplan smashed the onion down on the cutting board with a finality which boded ill if Red did not heed her advice. "Tell her who her mother was to you and everything you want will be right there at your fingertips."
"I can't do that, Kate." Red hissed.
"When she asks that question, you better answer her, Raymond." Kate tired of the conversation and Red's tap dancing. "Now tell her. Or by God... I will."
Red heard the line click, then silence. Kate had hung up on him. The air left his lungs in a rush.
He had to tell Liz something now or Kate would assuredly take matters into her own hands.
He couldn't stop Kate Kaplan and he knew as much.
Why the hell had he called her?!
Had he hoped that the woman would veto any involvement with Elizabeth straight out? Take the decision from his hands... well that was exactly what had happened, except... it had worked out the other way around.
And did it even matter anymore? The damage was done.
He began rehearsing in his head scenarios he planned on how he would break the news which had to be conveyed but nothing was good enough.
There was a mental block the man could not overcome. One he had to overcome and damned soon, if he knew Kate Kaplan.
He needed a starting point from which to work. He racked his brain, which ticked away feverishly at the new problem presented him.
"You would be better off telling her, Raymond." Dembe said quietly from across the plane. "I think you are underestimating Elizabeth."
"I didn't ask for advice."
"You should have." Dembe retorted. "About a great many things."
"You used to be so quiet." Red muttered tightly as he walked past the man to the bar. "It was so much more enjoyable, peaceful."