May 6
We lost track of Reddington, then found he had gone to New York
What was surprising was that you went with him.
What was unbelievable was that you stayed with him in a single room suite.
And then you were seen kissing him.
What the hell is he turning you into Liz! What other evil has he corrupted you with?
I never thought you would become his whore.
We have to get you away from him. He is filling your mind with lies...
What were you thinking!
Why the hell did you shoot back?
We could have been rid of Reddington with that next shot.
Your mind has been distorted from staying with him too long.
Or perhaps, you didn't know it was the assistance that you needed to escape.
Maybe all you saw was a threat?
Forgive me angel. Of course you fought back.
You were not forewarned of the attack.
You only did as your training demanded.
We will try again. And when we do, you take cover while we dispatch his evil from the world.
Red scanned the letters once more, before tossing them to the ledge beside him.
Shaking his head with annoyance, he lifted his drink, sipping the liquid. He felt his blood pressure lower as the alcohol burned a warmed path down his throat before settling pleasantly in his stomach.
"You are pure evil, Raymond" Dembe demurred, sitting in the chair across from him. "We must all face facts."
Red sing-songed his head slightly as if agreeing. "Has Silas said anything about having a line on Tom?"
"The usual." Dembe replied. "They follow him, loose him in a crowd, then pick him up again an hour or so later." he methodically stirred his tea until satisfied. "Why?" The dark eyes lifted.
"I was going to recommend they school him on how to pen a letter." Red inclined his head to the pages. "Reading his endless blathering grows tiring."
"Silas?" The man's tone said it all. "The man who still signs his name with an 'X'." A disconcerting brow was lifted.
"I'm sure that is for security reasons." Red was relatively sure. Then second-guessed his statement. "He does it for a lark..." No, that didn't sound kosher either.
"Do you want Silas to secure him?" Dembe asked, sipping at his tea.
Red shook his head, getting lost in thought. There was so much more to take into account now, besides the usual precautions.
He and Lizzy were... dating. What an archaic word. A couple. He tried again. No, that sounded vaguely...what century was he from exactly?
Whatever the label, much had taken place since he last read one of these 'loon' letters as he was beginning to categorize them in his mental processing.
Made very apparent by the events that had taken place between them.
He had made love to her. Finally.
Repeatedly...
And it had truly been worth the wait.
She was... beautiful, amazing... responsive to his touch, to his affection.
He felt at peace. A part of him had been missing and had suddenly been given over to him, leaving him feeling whole... complete.
When he'd been married, there had been a certain component missing. And he hadn't been aware of what it was, until just now.
There hadn't been a sense of unity. He and Carla had never been...a team.
He had done his thing. Worked, moved up the proverbial ladder, provided a comfortable living for his family. She had raised their daughter, made a comfortable home, made daily life run like clock work.
But there hadn't been any real passion. Over the years, he had wondered if there had ever been any love, to be honest.
About the only thing they agreed on was Jennifer. Their daughter.
Other than that, in retrospect, he thought maybe Carla married him because it was expected. She was supposed to get married, have children and be Susie Homemaker.
And while he had been fine with that, providing for her and doing what came natural to him, which was taking care of his wife and child.
He had to admit, he had craved sensuality, passion and affection from his wife. He knew they couldn't make love in every room like he wanted, not with a small child in the house, but it was sometimes weeks before she would be intimate with him.
Understanding that she was tired from housework or taking care of the baby, he had hired a sitter and housekeeper, to take the load off... but still, she didn't seem receptive.
Until that is... talk of making another baby was laid on the table.
He wasn't opposed to another child. What he had been opposed to, was that he had been relegated to sperm donor and not lover.
He had been so angry, so hurt. Not to mention Red had a rough couple days at work, enough that his CO had noticed.
The man had pulled him aside and pushed until Red had snapped and let loose, ranting about how pissed off he really was with the matters at home.
His CO had smiled, gestured for him to sit and in the course of talking with the older gentlemen, had ended up with an appointment to see a marriage counselor.
Carla had grudgingly attended, and the relationship had strengthened somewhat overtime. Instead of focusing on sex, they'd cuddled, held hands and made an effort to reconnect over a couple of months period.
It had been hard not making love to her, not pushing the issue, but the adult time was appreciated. Then they had been given the clear to make love... which ended in a heated argument.
She wanted to go bareback, he wanted to use a condom.
They were not in a place to have a baby brought into the fold.
All the hard work they had done, had been thrown out the window in one split second.
Even the psychologist had asked if Carla had placated Red, to get what she wanted. He remembered Carla's face very vividly when the Doctor, a female herself, had asked his wife if she loved Red anymore or was she simply doing what family expected of them.
The questions had been met with silence.
A silence that said enough.
Red had moved out that very night.
Not with the intent to divorce, but to give space, to really focus on what each wanted out of the marriage. The plan had been to spend time just communicating on every subject under the sun, not just their sex life.
It had been working well. He saw his daughter over dinner, played with her, they had bath time and then he'd read her a story while his wife got ready for their date before the baby sitter would show up, leaving them to spend the rest of the evening together.
They'd been dating somewhere close to four months, when after their date that night, they had gone back to his apartment to retrieve Jennifer's book bag he'd forgotten after he'd picked her up from school.
In the course of gathering Jennifer's things, they had made love.
And it was just as it had been in their first year of marriage.
Not only had it felt amazing, touching her again. They talked to one another throughout. Not words to arouse, but of affection. The touches and kisses were affectionate.
Needless to say, he was very excited by their future dates. They'd had two dates a week and over the next two month period, everything was working splendidly. Until their planned date in the second week of November.
Which turned into a disaster.
Both had forgotten that they were expected at a family dinner for the holidays, but went with the flow, agreeing to go, have dessert and coffee together afterwards in lieu of their dinner date.
In the course of the evening, there was a smattering of talk between the sexes as there always was, until Jennifer had spilled milk on her dress.
Going off in search of his wife to find the baby bag, he'd come upon her talking with the women, asking if she was pregnant yet.
She said she was trying and hoped the next test would yield a positive result.
Something about the way she had said it... set off warnings in Red's head.
Pulling her outside, she'd confessed she took the birth control for a month, then stopped... and hadn't told him.
It had felt like such a betrayal.
It was not so much that Carla had stopped taking the birth control. It seemed to him, that her only goal, her true goal... hadn't been to make their marriage work, but to please everyone else but her husband.
He had turned around without another word, kissed Jennifer goodbye and left.
He continued the routine established with his daughter, but that was all. If anything, Red had gone out of his way to take Jennifer to the park or library, anywhere that was away from her mother.
He had spent Thanksgiving with them, wholly fixated on his Jennifer. He made sure to be there every night to have play time and read her a story before leaving, all without having said a word... to her mother.
And then he was informed that Katarina was in trouble.
On his way to the airport, he stopped by the house, telling his daughter that he loved her and that he couldn't wait to see her dance in Swan Lake before kissing and hugging her goodbye.
She had skipped off to her room to play, leaving him alone with his wife.
They had stood in silence for a moment, before Carla sighed, sharing her thoughts. She thought a baby would strengthen their relationship.
His response had been to ask for a divorce.
He could still remember the look of shock on her face. She hadn't been expecting it, at all.
Which to him, said even more about their relationship. The woman seemed obsessed with the fact that telling the family such a revelation would not only be embarrassing but that everyone would know their marriage was not the happy one she had presented it to be.
That Carla had just assumed that he'd live with it... to live without love or at the very least, admiration, left a very bad taste in his mouth.
Red quickly outlined visitation with Jennifer, alimony and child support ideas he had in mind, advised her to speak with an attorney, saying they would discuss the details further when he returned.
He wanted to be as amicable as possible, if only for Jennifer's sake.
Over the course of dealing with Katarina, he had kept in contact with his lawyer and finally agreed to stipulations just before he returned for downtime. He had an early Christmas with his daughter and had loved spending the time with her. Before he set out to leave again, he met with his wife and signed the papers with out a second thought.
Surprisingly, Carla had hesitated.
"You don't love me." he had said. "I don't think you ever did." he sighed. "But we love our daughter and that's all that's important. When you're ready, sign them." he had given her a nod, before walking out of the office, intent that day on getting Jennifer from school.
It wasn't until all the dust settled, and he was completely assured that everybody was in secure, though separate locations, that he learned Carla finally signed but hadn't filed the papers.
He had offered to file them himself, when Carla had the gall to ask if he was having an affair.
At that time, Red had let her know, in no uncertain terms, he had never strayed in all the time they were together, and hadn't even now, considering they were still married.
She looked so stricken, that he had a momentary lapse. "Okay, I will make a bargain with you." he was willing to actually reconsider his position. "If you can tell me, to my face, if you can say the words... I love you Ray," a part of him couldn't believe he was still willing to make such a compromise, "we will go on as before with the understanding there will be no additional child at this time."
But she couldn't. Couldn't even form the words that she may have loved him at one time. It even appeared she was choking on the thought.
By that time, the pain had lessened and watching her fighting to attempt to voice her affection for him, didn't hurt him at all. He already knew what he was to her. All that was left was loving his daughter, and he was more than fine with that.
He never saw either again until a chance case with Lizzy and a meeting with Berlin. His ex-wife had grown even more cold and bitter, than he remembered.
All that mattered now was that through her childhood, Jennifer had been safe. He was glad Carla and she had been placed in WITSEC.
If only for his daughter's protection.
He may not have any idea where the hell she was, but she wasn't tied to him in any way, shape or form which meant she was completely off the grid.
One day he hoped to find his daughter. One day he would. But in the meantime, there was Lizzy.
He was very excited to see where their relationship would take them. She was like him, in a sense.
She may have been married at one point, but all she had been was an assignment. She wasn't loved. She wasn't shown true affection.
She may have thought Tom loved her, but was slowly coming to the realization that she had loved Tom so much, she had unconsciously, been filling the gaps in their relationship to make it seem as if the love was there.
But she would find out soon enough what it felt like to be the center of another's universe, via him. Because Red loved Lizzy, whether she was aware of it or not.
She didn't love him yet, that had to grow. But it would be nice if she was fond of him, which he sensed she was.
He was waiting for her to catch up to the intensity of his own feelings.
They had grown closer over the last few weeks.
He sat up, zoning off into the bulkhead, thinking back over that time.
He had been preparing for a trip to the frozen tundra, and in the midst of packing, Lizzy had given him a new pair of leather fleece lined gloves and a scarf because she knew it would be cold.
She said she had purchased them for a Christmas gift and had forgotten in the course of the very hectic week, to present them to their new owner. Regardless of when she purchased them, she had still thought of him. And a Christmas gift, at that.
On his return home, he found Lizzy had changed the bedding from a jewel toned to a soft blue quilt and fleece blankets that he thought were comfortable as hell.
He realized the reason which became more important because she was finally comfortable where she was. She felt like she was... home.
She had not only purchased the quilt because she knew he hated comforters, she had specifically bought him a new pillow with cooling properties because she had seen him rubbing his neck quite a few mornings. It felt amazing and his neck pain had eased considerably.
He loved that pillow.
To him, even though they hadn't been dating per se, that one change alone was the equivalent to exchanging keys in his opinion.
And then it dawned on him.
Had they been dating and hadn't been aware of doing so? Not in the conventional sense, but had they turned a corner somewhere, even before New York, and didn't even realize it?
"Oh my God..." Red muttered quietly.
"Raymond?" Dembe snapped.
Red blinked, finding his friend staring in that thoughtful manner Dembe had about him.
"I called you three times, you didn't respond." Dembe explained. "Are you unwell?"
"No, no. I'm fine." he waved off the concern, then leaned into his thighs, lacing his fingers between his knees.
"Just woolgathering," Red assured, "it's nothing. Where were we?"
"I asked if you wanted me to instruct Silas to pick Tom up?" the man replied slowly, somewhat amused by his friends preoccupation.
Red shook his head, "Not until we get back." he squeezed his hands together tightly, cracking the tension from the long thick fingers. "I want to be assured of Lizzy's security before they do anything."
Dembe nodded slowly, as if comprehending the words before a small smile worked it's way onto his face.
"What?" Red sat back, taking another sip of the amber liquor.
"Has Elizabeth not been secure all this time?"
Red rolled exasperated eyes to his friend, knowing very well what the man meant. He was also fishing for confirmation.
"Okay, you meddlesome voyeur." He sat the tumbler down, straightening his vest before leveling his eyes with Dembe's. "Lizzy and I are dating... a couple..." he tried again, each adjective sounding so juvenile. "We're together."
Dembe smiled slowly, "Yes, I know."
"Francis told you?" Red grumbled, knowing the young man couldn't keep a juicy tidbit like that to himself for very long.
"No..." his friend grinned, his brow lifting as though waiting for Red to make the connection.
No, of course Francis wouldn't have said anything, since he already thought they were engaged. Then understanding dawned on him.
"How long Dembe?" Red asked quietly.
"I think I first noticed the changes after the guards fought in the foyer."
Red sat back, bouncing once against the expensive leather, staring at the man in bewilderment. "Why didn't you say something?" he exasperated.
Dembe chuckled into his tea glass, tickled by not only the question, but the higher tone in Raymond's voice.
"I thought you knew." he chortled as he watched his friend lean back into his elbows.
Red dropped his face in his hands, muffling his voice. "That was a stupid fucking question."
"Yes." Dembe confirmed. "You are excited." it was stated placidly. "Perhaps a little frightened of the future."
Red sighed, "Yes," returning for solace to his drink.
"It wasn't solely your fault your first marriage failed, Raymond."
"I hate when you do that." Red grumbled when Dembe smile knowingly, further irking him that the other man had followed along easily with his esoteric thought
How Dembe knew what he had been thinking, he'd never know. Though, they had spent enough time together, and the subject matter at hand, he supposed, was easy enough to guess.
But it didn't lessen that he hated the man's ability to read his mind.
"You are aware of your flaws, and own up to them. You also know your strengths and how to apply them best to serve her." Dembe bolstered. "You have both done this before."
"Tom Keen..." Red scowled.
"You are not Tom Keen." Dembe stressed. "You love Elizabeth." he stated the facts as he knew them. Facts that Raymond didn't deny. "You also respect her, care for her."
Red nodded silently, listening.
"She needs your support, understanding and patience." Dembe said.
"I will always give her those things." Red stated without hesitation.
He knew that it wasn't always going to be picture perfect. He would face the obstacles when they came. He was very adept at overcoming obstacles.
"But she also needs the romance, affection and love only you can give her." Dembe added.
Red fell silent, so many thoughts crossing his mind. He felt comfortable voicing the most condemning to this man. "Dembe, how can she ever love the man I have become?"
Dembe frowned, setting his tea on it's saucer, staring at the man in confusion.
"She already does."
The plane had fallen silent after Dembe stated what he believed to be a fact, knowing very well, Raymond did not yet believe it to be so.
But then, Elizabeth may not have come to that conclusion herself.
Though her actions spoke louder than words, if anyone asked him.
Red felt the plane begin to make its final descent just as he finished off his drink and locked his thoughts away for the moment, getting his head back in the game. Readying himself for what came next.
Finding out what the hell happened, and why.
He needed to get home to Lizzy. He had promised he would come back.
And this was one promise he intended to keep.
As they hit the runway, he glanced out the window, finding Francis there waiting for him, as requested. Much to his surprise.
He would have thought he'd have to hunt the boy down, he had been on such a tear earlier, wanting to enact revenge on those who had hurt his friend.
They coasted to a stop, and as per their usual procedure, Dembe headed for the door while Red gathered his bag. Both men made their way down the stairs.
"Tell me what you know..." Red said as he fell in step with the younger man.
"The O'Sullivan's claim they had nothing to do with it." Francis gritted.
"And they left Mark there, why?" Red asked, before taking a seat in the back of the car.
"That's what I wanted to fucking know!" Francis snapped.
Red set a steadying hand on Francis'. "Calm down. We'll figure this out."
"Whatever the outcome, I will no longer be using their services." Francis seethed.
Red side glanced the young man. "Keep your perspective."
Much like himself, Francis didn't take kindly to back stabbers. Only time would tell how Francis would handle what he considered a great act of disloyalty.