"I have to find Red!" Liz panicked, gathering her dress in tight hands.
"Calm the hell down," Silas groused, detaching a walkie-talkie from his belt. "I'll have security get a location on him."
"The guy just needs to get his head straight. You threw him for a curve, Lizzy." Francis' brow furrowed. "How would you be feeling if the boot were on the other foot?"
"No," Liz shook her head, "no, he'll leave, he won't come back." She couldn't breathe. The heavy weight of Red leaving was too much to bear. This was even worse than when she thought he had been with that bitch, Natalia. "Help me find him, Francis!" She said, panic in her voice.
"Darlin', he's not going anywhere, not without you." Danny said, trying to calm her frayed nerves. "Shit like this happens. It just needs time now to cool down and blow over."
Liz shook her head, knowing in her heart she had lost the only man who ever truly loved her. Without thought she bolted, heading for the last place she had seen Red exit.
"... Fuck," Silas bitched his chagrin, taking off after the woman. "Francis, stay here!" he stopped the man from following. "If Red comes back, fill him in. I'll stay in touch with the radio."
"I'll go with him." Daniel eased Francis' anxiety. He ran to catch up with the rapidly retreating guard.
Shoving her way through the outer door, Liz searched the dark surroundings for any sign of Red. Blindly hurrying forward, she anxiously scanned the area, tripping over obstacles in her path... her attention riveted elsewhere.
Yanking her shoes off, throwing them aside, she took her dress in hand as she began jogging across the open field. Her heart beat heavily in her chest.
Where was he? Where would he go? Her mind was of no use, for it was too filled with bleak thoughts. What the hell had she been thinking?!
Running forward, she slipped on the wet grass in her haste, catching herself just before she tumbled to the ground. She arose, her eyes wild and full of fear. A fear she had never known before gnawed at her insides.
Was this all she would ever see any longer? Darkness? There was no light without Red beside her. She cried out piteously, hurling herself into that darkness. She had to find him.
LIZZINGTON
Shouldering his way outside, Silas' trained eyes observed his surroundings with a critical sweep. Cursing sharply under his breath, for the woman was nowhere to be seen, the man's hand brought his radio aloft, his brow set with an annoyed scowl.
"We have two people of interest outside the facility." He spoke into his radio. "Locate Red Reddington and/or Elizabeth Reddington with all due haste, report back. Out!"
The man walked in the direction he hoped was the correct one, his eyes constantly scanning, seeking out his prey.
"I'll go this way." Daniel hooked a thumb, taking off into the blackness behind the gardens. The light from the pavilion did not reach into such an extensive space.
Silas knew the security cameras would be their friend, though. He slowed his steps, sweeping the wet ground before him. "Any movement? Any sightings? Why the hell do we engage cameras if they are no use when we need the fucking things?"
He knew he was taking his frustrations out on anything and anyone, but this night was turning into a pile of shit right before his very eyes and he felt kinda responsible.
The security system was failing him.
Scoping the area, Silas zeroed in on the distinct shape of a footprint in the wet grass, and then another. Following the tracks, he happened upon Liz's shoes.
The man picked up his pace, jogging across the massive expanse of fields which constituted the back acreage of Donovan's estate.
He finally caught a quick glimpse of white in the near distance. Elizabeth was moving fast, the woman disappearing around the back of a row of hedges even as he stepped up his pursuit.
She was sprinting fast, her hair down and flowing now, tumbling from the carefully arranged top knot.
"I don't get paid fucking enough to put up with all this bullshit." Silas grumbled, hustling after the small figure. He felt relief though, that he could catch up to the little hair-brained twerp.
Silas came alongside the frantic woman, matching his quicker trot to her frantic, misdirected gait. "Stay the hell with me." He looked down at the terrified little face. "Red finds out I let you slip past my vigilance… he will put a fucking bullet up my ass."
The woman slowed, then stopped dead in her tracks.
Liz sat a shaking hand to her heaving chest. The woman's already frantic breathing heightened as she spun about in an aimless circle, her eyes wide and frantic. "W-What have I done, Silas?" She gasped, choking back tears. "My God, why didn't I listen to you?"
Gulping for air, Liz turned about once more, her breathing ragged suddenly and gasping.
"You're hyperventilating." Silas pushed her head down below her knees, holding her there until he could hear the breathing even out some. "I told you to calm the hell down. Don't you think I would know if Red had asked for a flight out? Get a fucking grip."
The harsh words reached the woman through her haze. She gulped for air, rising slowly, her eyes seeking reassurance.
"You know, he could be back at the hotel, looking for you." Silas knew Red wasn't there as yet, for no one had alerted him, but she didn't have to know that.
"He's not there." Liz clipped the words. She sensed as much, her terror reaching a feverish pitch. What had she done? Why hadn't she listened to everyone? What had she been thinking before!
Sucking in a ragged breath, the tightness in her chest reached a critical peak. No, Red wouldn't look for her because... she accused him of a horrible crime he had not committed. She had gone off, been hysterically stupid all because...
"Look at me!" Silas cut through the panic. "You gotta calm down." He gripped her wrist. "I've got this covered. I will find him and give you the chance to speak with him. Are you hearing me?"
"I..." Liz fought against the overpowering anxiety inundating her. "I-I can't..."
"We will find him." Silas stressed the belief. He clutched the radio in hand, willing someone... anyone, to break the strained silence. "This is not the end of the fucking world. Have a little faith."
Feeling any trace of hope slipping away, Liz turned away from her guard, staring out over the open field through the tears burning her eyes. "It's the end...of mine."
Turning despondently towards Mark's private residence, she saw a faint glow of an ember flair brightly in the dark, then a tracer as it moved sharply through the air.
A cigarette.
Tightening her dress in her grasp, Liz took off into the darkness, running full tilt towards that glow mindless of the pavement and gravel she went across.
"Dammit!" Silas grunted, taking off after the woman. "I'm too old for this shit!"
"Red!" she yelled, running for dear life. "Red! I'm coming! Stay there!"
LIZZINGTON
Red had walked as far as he could to get to the solitude of complete silence he needed.
He looked out over the blackness of night. He could feel the coolness of the wind coming down the plains out there. It felt good after the heat of... what had gone down.
He felt broken inside. Desolation surrounded him. He tried to shake the feeling. It held on tight.
Why? Was his only thought. Why would Elizabeth think what she so obviously thought about him? What had he done...or not done, to make her believe he would dishonor her so?
Red closed his eyes. He had been so happy. So fucking happy.
And as usual, something came out of the blue to destroy all his carefully laid life plans. Why was he so surprised?
Why had she thought he would want another woman? Why?
It had been a perfect day. The man's head dropped with his mood. The anger he felt was still there inside him. It burned a hole in his gut. He had to calm the hell down. He had to figure a way out of this horror.
He fumbled in his pocket, producing the thing that would help him the most in this instance. He shielded his body from the wind, cupping his hands around the flame of his lighter as he lit the cigarette.
He arose to his full height, taking a long drag on the fragrant tobacco.
Exhaling slowly, Red tried desperately to clear his mind. He had to think; he had to fix this.
He had to.
LIZZINGTON
A faint sound caught his attention, for the man had been totally focused and concentrated. Red glanced around, his ears picking up something over the soft rush of the wind.
Pulling the cigarette from his mouth, Red flicked it hard to the ground. It became louder, this...sound. Turning about in a slow swivel, he finally located the source, his head jerking toward it.
A plaintive outcry. Someone was in trouble. Someone needed...help.
A blur of white came from the shadows over by the tall oaks. He peered cautiously, unable to discern any actual shapes as yet. His hand moved to his weapon, which was securely fastened behind his waist.
Suddenly, rushing headlong for his location, the blur became a woman's body, draped in a long, flowing gown.
"Red!" Liz cried, slipping once again on the wet grass. She moved so rapidly, she caught her body on outstretched arms, forcing herself forward yet again.
Red breathed out his shock, preparing himself for danger, for the woman sounded terrified.
Opening his arms, he caught Elizabeth as she threw herself at him. Remaining steady on his feet, he grunted from the impact; the air leaving his lungs in a sharp grunt.
He wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her upright even after she clasped him around the neck, holding him in a death grip.
"Damn, woman!" A low, intense growl of a grunt caused Red to tense, but he instinctively knew that disillusioned bitching. His hand remained on the handle of his weapon all the same, for he no longer trusted his instincts this night.
Silas snapped the annoyance as he burst through the thicket from which the woman had only just emerged. "It's me, dammit!" Noting Red's stance, he pulled up short. "Now I have to get shot too? This fucking night blows!"
Finally able to concentrate on something besides any perceived danger, Red noted the hysterical sobbing coming from the woman he held so protectively close.
"She thought you vacated the premises." Silas bent at the waist, gathering his breath as he explained the situation. The man's gray eyes sought out Red Reddington. "Were you aware you married a moron?" He felt comfortable enough now to just be himself and allow the shit to hit the proverbial fan...which Silas knew it was about to do.
Closing pained eyes, Red dropped his face into Lizzy's shoulder, hugging the woman tight. "Stop." He stated quietly. "...Stop now."
When he felt the pronounced shaking in her petite frame, his anger lessened by degrees, but there was nothing he could do...it still was a tangible entity which must be dealt with.
Lifting his eyes, Red stared silently back at Silas.
The man nodded perceptively, arising slowly, then took his leave, heading back in the direction he had come. The man called off the security search, advising the immediate situation was now well in hand.
"You left..." Liz cried jaggedly. "You l-left me!"
"You left me." He snapped angrily. "Long before I walked away, Elizabeth." His eyes blazed their pain. "What the hell was in your head to make you believe something so heinous of me? How could you?"
Red reached, pulling her arms from around his neck, stepping back, his expression thunderous.
"I needed time to think." Red turned away from her, pacing a short path. "I needed to figure out some things." He swung about, his tone tense, brittle. "What did I say, or not say, to fuck up so badly, the woman I just married would demand an annulment!"
Lowering her eyes, Liz remained silent, allowing Red the chance to vent. She had something to say, but it sounded so...ineffectual when put up beside the reality of her actions.
"What had I done to make her think I would fuck someone on our wedding day... of all damned days!" Red snapped angrily. "What had I done to earn such distrust!"
Liz jerked for the sharp words felt like a slap to the face, but oddly, more painful.
"You don't know what women say when you walk past," Liz attempted to defend herself, "how much they want to be with you–"
"I don't give a damn what they want!" Red slammed his palm against a nearby tree. "I thought I made it abundantly clear, I only want you! That you could ever believe otherwise royally pisses me off!"
Liz wiped her sweaty, shaky hands along her dress, inhaling a tremulous breath.
"What do I have to say to you...or do...to make you believe the words I say to you are real...true?" The words were bit, punctuated by the rising fury inundating the man's mind.
Wringing her hands, Liz squeezed her eyes tight, blurting out what plagued her most. "...Tom cheated–"
"Tom.." Red snarled through his teeth. "And now you bring that manipulative bastard into this? Equating me with him?"
Liz's stomach pitched sickeningly when she realized she had unintentionally placed Red and Tom within the same horrible category.
"Tom cheated because you were nothing but a fucking assignment!" Red reminded. "He's a psychotic, abusive, con-artist son-of-a-bitch. Is that how you see me?"
Biting at her lip, Liz shifted downcast eyes but hastily lifted them to read the man's emotions which he was sharing to the max at this moment. "I know what I was to him. You don't have to keep reminding me just how little I meant to the bastard. I get it." She lifted haunted eyes. "Believe me...I understand just how unworthy I am of anyone's love."
The unexpected tirade threw Red, but more so, the words themselves.
"I understand every fucking person in my life that has ever supposed to love me... hasn't." Liz smiled listlessly. "My mother, my father...Sam...my professed loving husband, Tom. I totally, totally get it."
The silence was thick and strained.
"Everyone leaves me eventually." She laughed hollowly. "I'm not sure exactly why yet. Not sure I'll ever really understand the depth of whatever flaw I possess that makes people so..." she shook her head. "They all left. Why should you be any different? That's what was going through my head at least, when I saw you leave with...Natalia."
"I didn't leave with the..."
"It's what I..." she yelled then, closed her eyes. "...I know that, now." She quieted.
Now that it was too late to salvage anything of the wreck she had made of this perfect day. "I'm just trying to explain. There are no excuses." She realized. "I realize that."
Sobering instantly, Red jerked back from the impact of the words spoken. They seemed so final somehow. His gut churned chaotically for the fact.
"Why am I not good enough!" Liz clenched her fists at her side. Her head shook negatively, her expression one of resigned acceptance. "I tried so hard to be what I thought they wanted. It just never was enough, I guess."
Red's jaw worked restlessly, unable to form a suitable rebuttal as yet to all he was suddenly privy to.
"Why did they leave me!" Liz wrapped her arms tightly about her stomach, quelling the rising pain. "Why couldn't they love me!"
"They loved you, Elizabeth." Red's tone was a weary one.
"No, they did not!" Liz begged to differ.
Shaking his head, Red rubbed a rough hand across his forehead. "I told you, Tom–"
"Tom leaving, hurt at the time." Liz admitted tightly, her eyes focused intently on the ground. "I've come to terms with... that."
"Have you?" Red didn't think so.
"It hurt, he didn't love me enough to..." Liz waved a dismissive hand, "but, then...I was just an assignment, right. At least he had a reason I can understand."
Exhaling a staggered breath, Red just then realized the stark contrast between saying and hearing words aloud.
It was easy for him to say Lizzy was nothing to Tom Keen, but actually being on the receiving end of such harsh truth?
The treachery Red experienced twenty years ago from people who were, at best, colleagues, was shocking. It still resonated with him to this day.
The deception Lizzy experienced from the man she vowed to spend her life with... Red couldn't imagine how gut wrenching that pain felt.
When he and Carla reached the point divorce seemed a logical conclusion, it hurt, but it was a conscious decision made by both parties.
Lizzy, on the other hand, was completely blind-sided when what she thought was to be her 'happily ever after' turned to something so pathetically wrong.
Regardless of his constant warnings, and everyone telling her to run and not look back, Elizabeth stayed loyal and worked tirelessly to uncover the truth in hopes of clearing her husband's name.
At the time, Red found her stubbornness very aggravating. Now, he could only be awed by Elizabeth's perseverance and hoped to inspire such loyalty from his own wife one day if the need ever arose.
When Elizabeth finally realized Tom publicly humiliated her and that her whole life was an illusion, her pain was so palpable, Red felt it as if it were his own. Even now, he could still see her face leech of color, and the light in her eyes vanish when she spoke of it.
Red wholeheartedly believed Elizabeth had come to terms with Tom's deception, and that she had grown to hate the man with every fiber of her being.
It wasn't until this moment, however, Red truly understood how deeply the loss of everyone in her life affected Elizabeth.
"Sam didn't leave you willingly, Lizzy." Red swallowed at the knot in his throat.
Visions of taking the man's life flashed in Red's mind, denying Sam and Elizabeth the chance to have a final moment together.
"I am not talking about what happened between you and Sam." Liz read Red's mind well enough. "That was not my decision to make."
Red had the grace to be bothered, for he assumed...
"He knew he had cancer," Liz countered, "he knew, and didn't tell me!" She reminded. "He didn't even try to seek treatment!"
Red knew Sam had fought the first time, but when the cancer resurfaced the second time, the man had decided to let nature take its course. Though Red believed it was a personal choice on Sam's part, to Elizabeth, his daughter... it was anything but that. He hadn't taken that into the equation at the time.
"I could have brought him to DC to receive help, I could have taken care of him... we could have spent time, no matter how long," Liz swiped at the tears. "I didn't get the chance to tell him how much I loved him or even say a proper goodbye."
Though Red had taken the man's life, Elizabeth was right. He silently cursed Sam, for it was clear, the man's pride and lack of forethought hurt her deeply.
"My last conversation with him, I spouted off about how we could fix it," she scoffed, "when it was obvious, he had already made up his mind. I feel like such a fool!" her voice broke painfully. "I was not a factor in the decision he made. My feelings didn't matter."
"You are not a fool, Lizzy." Red whispered. "You were just trying to remain positive," he said, "because... you weren't ready to lose your father."
"You think I'd be used to it since I killed the first one!"
"...Shit." Red whispered, stunned by the bluntly stated words. "Dammit, don't say that!"
"Tell me I didn't!" Liz dared the man to say the words.
"Dammit, Elizabeth! That was not your fault!" Red vehemently proclaimed. "We've discussed this!"
"You're right." Liz agreed sharply. "I shouldn't have been placed in that danger, but neither my mother nor father felt having a child... me... was important enough to remove themselves from that danger."
How could he argue with that? Especially considering everything went to hell in a handbasket after Elizabeth's arrival.
"It was also painfully obvious my mother held me responsible for what happened and didn't forgive me for killing the man she loved." Elizabeth scoffed derisively. "That was made very apparent when she decided the better option was to kill herself than stick around for me!"
How could you tell someone their belief system was wrong...when those beliefs appeared to be validated at every turn?
"They were my parents... it was their job to protect me, to love me. Instead, they abandoned me in every way." Liz lifted red eyes. "Tell me why I should believe any different, where you're concerned." Her lip trembled with the effort to say the words.
How could he stand here and tell Elizabeth it wasn't her, but weakness and human frailty that took those people from her... and make her believe it?
In her eyes, this was all rock-solid confirmation she was unwanted by everyone in her life.
"You hadn't taken a call all day," Liz explained her thoughts. "I wondered why you took that one." she exhaled shakily. "Then there was the living proof of what I feared all along... Natalia. Beautiful, worldly, sophisticated Natalia. Your equal in every way." She lowered her head. "I knew even before I saw her face. I had felt it all damned day. It was just too good to be true. All of it... every perfect detail."
Liz sighed heavily. "It was as if I were outside all that perfection, looking in. It wasn't me. It couldn't be...me." She thought back on the day. "Elizabeth Keen doesn't get happily ever after. She never has."
She lifted her head almost defiantly. "As this day can attest. I had it all, and I blew it. Just like that." She shrugged aimlessly. "That's what I do, apparently, but I don't know why. I really don't."
Red was beginning to see some of what transpired in the time he had gone. At least in this woman's mind.
"It hurt so badly to think of you with another woman." Liz remembered the pain. She was feeling it even now. "To think I wasn't enough. That after you were so loving and perfect...you could just..."
Red noticed his breathing had lessened; his fists had...unclenched. His anger... abated.
"I believed that fucking psycho over a man who has not once given me reason to doubt his word. Not...once." She closed weary eyes. "And yet, I did, and I ruined everything. Even if it were all pretend? I could have lived the lie forever. It meant that much to me, hoping you would love me, eventually. That eternal optimist in me, I guess. The eternal idiot, as Silas so aptly pointed out."
The woman slumped to a nearby rock wall, sitting dejectedly...no words came to make the situation even bearable, let alone a reality the man could accept as truth.
"Everyone was saying how wrong I was, but the fear was so intense, so ingrained." Liz grimaced, recalling the anguish. "It hurt, Red. I've never felt such pain... it was like history was repeating itself. The history with my parents and Tom. I just... lost it, I guess. I let it win in the end."
The man stepped closer, sighing heavily.
Liz racked her brain for the right words to make him see...to make him understand. "I know you are working to find who betrayed you...to find your daughter." She nodded. "How I factor into the plan is beyond me. I was only happy to believe... I did somehow."
The silence was unnerving for the woman. "Once you correct that error, you can simply return to who you once were. But...where do I fit into such a scheme? It's never been clear to me."
Considering Tom lied at every turn and her parents failed her miserably... what the hell could Red possibly say to dispel Elizabeth's rightly justified questions?
"Are you ready to leave?" Red stepped, his eyes intent on Elizabeth's.
"What?" Liz frowned.
"We can get on the plane right now, go to our island," he laid it out for her, "and leave everything and everyone behind..." he waved a curt hand at the world beyond them.
Just voicing the words, and believing them, made a weight lift from Red's shoulders.
"But.." Liz blinked as the words began to make sense in her mind, "all the work you've done, you're so close to finding the answers–"
"Their deception will come to light, with or without me." Red knew well enough. It would be years after his death, he was sure, but at least his children would benefit from the revelations.
"A more wonderful idea is living a quiet, peaceful life... with you." Clasping Lizzy's hand in his, Red willfully held her eyes. "I'm ready... if you are." He swore. "Just say the word, and we'll go."
Liz searched her husband's face religiously and found nothing but sincerity in his eyes. His earnest desire to leave behind everything was a truthful one. And seemingly... he would do it all for her.
Visions of them living in a tropical paradise, alone and without intrusion, came at breakneck speed. The instant serenity she felt was so intense, she longed to live that life and never look back.
Only, she couldn't shake, or look past, the haunted quality in Red's eyes in each image that passed.
Grasping his fingers with her own, Liz shook her head regretfully. "No..." she exhaled shakily. "We can't do that."
Was there still a, we, in this man's mind? How could he overlook something so...
"Yes, we can." Red countered, for there was nothing holding them here.
"You can't leave without finding Jennifer." Liz couldn't fathom leaving, not without his daughter.
Red had, of course, taken Jennifer into account, but felt his trackers would eventually hit upon her whereabouts.
"Unless you have a reason to believe she is not here," Liz said, "it will be easier to stay stateside where you can investigate leads at a moment's notice."
"...Lizzy, I can continue the search for Jennifer anywhere we go." He assured.
"She was taken from you once," she said, tears spilling to her cheeks. "I will not be the reason she's taken from you again." She determinedly dug her heels in. "You're not leaving her behind."
Understanding the woman was adamant about her refusal, Red felt his love for her grow to new heights. That she willingly sacrificed the chance to remove all doubt from her mind... for him and his daughter, was astounding.
"You were an assignment to Tom Keen." Red said. "Exactly what is it you think you are to me?"
"..I've.." The woman swallowed the threat of more tears. She had no answer at this stage, her mind too full of fear and recriminations. "I've never allowed myself to t-think about it in depth, to tell you the truth."
"You listen to me." The man's tone brooked no argument nor debate. "You have to stop thinking that I will react like Tom Keen. That I will do anything like he would do. It's insulting to my intelligence... and myself, personally."
"I know, I didn't mean–"
"No, let's air this shit." Red was on a roll. "Let me give you an example of the difference between me and that prick."
"Red...I..."
"No!" he snapped. "You listen!"
Liz...shut the hell up.
"I know you only have my word for anything I tell you. Just like you only had his." He realized now. "But through my actions, I had hoped somehow to make you see the difference. I understand now, how that might not have been enough."
"It is eno..."
"Hush..." He stepped closer. "Only time will prove my validity. I have no hidden agendas, again, like the people in your life have had. Only time will prove my words. I'm asking for that time."
The woman swallowed hard, blinking back tears. "W-What are you..."
"Every marriage will have pitfalls. Every relationship will have moments like tonight. Our job, as man and wife...is to get through them intact. To communicate, to let each other know the problem that hopefully, we can find an answer to anything which crops up."
Liz grimaced, knowing the truth when she heard it. "I failed dismally in that aspect, didn't I."
"We haven't failed." He hoped he spoke for her. "Have we? I think...it's salvageable. This was painful, yes. I was pissed, yes. But you've been up front with me about what brought you to the point where everything turned to shit. I believe you have been truthful."
"Being truthful doesn't excuse the–"
"No, it doesn't excuse your doubts, but I know now, pain brought you to the point the doubts set in." He nodded. "I would probably have reacted along similar lines, truthfully, had the same situation been reversed."
Had it been twenty years ago, Red knew he would have acted just as Elizabeth had... for he had not yet come to terms with the deception and uncertainty in his life.
"You couldn't possibly be that stupid." She totally believed her words. "You would have confronted the issue head on and made us work it out."
"Natalia is good at what she does. She even had me questioning your sincerity there at the end." He admitted. "Since we're sharing truths. I'm ashamed of my thoughts now. I didn't understand how you could believe the set up so easily. You've explained that, though."
The woman sat, forlorn. "I don't think I have the right to expect you to look past what I did tonight." She lifted sincere eyes. "You have asked for time when it was my transgressions which brought us to this point. I don't have the balls to ask you for anything, let alone time to prove how very...very sorry I am for hurting you the way I did."
"Damn, Lizzy." The man laughed shortly. "Don't you know, I would forgive you anything." His eyes lay on her quietly. "What's a little pain and anger put upside a lifetime without you by me?"
Liz's tears gathered and fell. "Please don't be kind to me. I don't deserve kindness, Red."
"I'm not being kind, I'm being truthful." Red said. "It is also no hardship to be kind to you." He smiled down at the top of her hair, shining so lovely in the light of a new moon. "What's hard? Is the thought you really didn't want to be with me anymore."
"I wanted...to die." Liz told the truth, unable to look at the man. "When I thought what I believed was true. I just wanted to go somewhere and... die. There seemed no reason to go on."
"Don't say shit like that." He snapped.
"It's true." She knew it was. "I couldn't see past the moment because... there was no future without you in it. Not for me. But did I say any of that? Did I let you know how much you had hurt me? Did I even try to articulate any of what I was feeling?"
"You were fighting back against the world, Lizzy." The man realized. "A shitty place for you at that time. You were surviving. It's what you do."
"At what cost?" She wondered.
He sat beside her. "I know you feel lost now. Disconnected. I feel it too." He could admit it. "But the reality is...we are here together, trying to find a way. A path back. That has to account for something."
She turned her head. "How do you get back to perfection when it has all turned to ash?"
"It was one moment in a day of wondrous moments." He put it in a different perspective. "Does one minute cancel out all the others? Not for me."
"It was one hell of a moment." She closed her eyes. "...I feel so ashamed."
He took her hand, lifting it to his lips for a long moment.
"I will be there by your side through every damn minute of whatever is to come tonight. I will be there by your side through every fucking minute of the days and nights to come for the rest of our lives." Red vowed. "I will not leave you. Not ever. Unless you tell me to go."
Lizzy searched out his eyes, her own shining with tears of gratitude and wonder.
"I'm asking for you to give us those days and nights." He earnestly beseeched the woman. "I want those days and nights, Lizzy. I want them...with you."
"How? How can you still...feel that way?" She dreaded the answer. "If I thought for one second, there was any way I could salvage any of what we had?" Tears rolled down her cheeks, the full lips quivering haltingly.
Red stared at her stonily. "Do you still want me to feel...that way?"
"More than my life itself." She nodded slowly, whispering the reply.
The man's eyes lowered, nothing more. There was something else bothering his ass. But things were about back on an even keel.
No, by God. It had to be said.
"I have something I have to say." He grimly stated. "It's been bothering me."
"Then it should be said." She agreed readily.
"I hate to bring the fucker up again, but Tom made it abundantly clear he had no interest or intention of obeying his vows when he signed a fictitious name on that marriage application you two were granted." Red laid it on the line. "You married a ghost... an apparition that didn't even exist."
Liz grimaced, "I thought we had..."
"How many aliases do I have?" Red asked curtly.
Liz frowned at the bizarre question. "I-I don't know..."
"I have hundreds of them," Red stressed, "yet I signed my real name on our marriage license."
"You...d-did?" Liz had been so nervous, so excited, she hadn't even noted.
"I could have saved you a shitload of trouble using an alias," Red granted, "but where Tom had no intention of honoring the vows he made to you... I fucking do."
The silence came, the woman having difficulty following the turn of the conversation in truth.
"Unlike that bastard, I will do everything in my power to protect you from the certain maelstrom our marriage will surely bring to your life, Elizabeth." He knew he would. "That has to account for something."
"Of course it does." She sniffed quietly, her eyes on his brooding features.
"I do not ever want anyone to question the legitimacy or legality of our marriage."
The words had a magical aura about them now. Their marriage. "I understand there are many factions which might conceivably wish to cause trouble in that area, of course."
"Let them try." Red replied tersely.
Liz gasped, a sudden thought occurring. "Elizabeth Scott Keen isn't my real name." She whispered. "Oh my God, Red. I signed with a fictitious..."
"The world knows you as Elizabeth Keen. There was no deception on your part signing the name you did." He pointed out tersely.
"It feels like my whole life has been one big lie." Liz cradled her face in her hands.
"Not this," Red grasped her hand, "... not us. What we have, what we are... it's real."
She fell silent, as did the man, for a very long beat.
"I know my life will be...it won't be an easy go. I know we will always be under scrutiny from one dangerous source or another." She waved the issue aside. "You've properly warned me about what could happen. For which I am grateful...I am."
The man lifted a hollow stare.
"I respect you all the more for having the foresight to strategize...to have contingency plans in case something does arise." The woman grasped at straws. "I would be hopeless without you around to ensure my safety. I know that much, at least."
Red hoped she meant the words. That she was finally 'getting it'.
"If... If I am to be Raymond Reddington's wife," she bit her lip hard, the blue eyes beseeching the man. "I have to step up my game, stop being so damn naïve. Pay better attention, become more involved in every aspect of who and what...you are."
Red's heart leaped ahead joyously. Raymond Reddington's wife. What a lovely phrase...he tried not to show the emotions the words evoked.
"My priorities have shifted today, Red," Liz continued, "in a monumental way." She had realized as much the minute he indicated there might be forgiveness in his heart for her sins. "I suppose, in a way, my allegiances have turned as well."
Red's head snapped up, truly grasping every bit of the tremendous weight Elizabeth had been carrying with her.
Though she had fought hard, she still had demons of the past to reconcile herself with. The adversity she faced at work would increase exponentially. Concern for her safety and security was at an all-time high.
Nothing in her life, not even their marriage, would be easy.
"From this moment on, I promise you this: my marriage will take precedence over every other thing in my life." She stepped closer, having arisen from her perch, her eyes holding a truth he could read. "I promise this to you, if that is... there is a marriage any longer in your eyes."
Red took his time, for the woman had really thrown him for a curve tonight. His world had almost ended. He had to somehow ensure this eventuality would never rear its ugly head again.
"I hated it... thinking that had been taken from me." He snapped the outburst. "I don't like to be threatened, Elizabeth. And what you did...brought the worst kind of pain down on me."
"I didn't threaten..."
"Annulment, divorce..." The words still cut like a knife even were it himself saying them. He sought her out. "Then not give me a chance to even address the accusation..."
Elizabeth shifted downcast eyes. "I didn't mean any of that, Red. I swear."
"Yes, you did." He sensed as much.
"No..." She shook her head, the blue eyes holding his religiously, "I-I wanted to hurt you like I believed you had me, that's all. It was a horrible thing to say. I regretted it instantly, but didn't know how to... make it right. I didn't even know if I wanted to make it right at that time."
Even being as angry as she was, Liz remembered how painful those words had been. Even now, her throat threatened to close in on itself at the very thought of ever having said them, especially to this man.
"When Daniel showed me just how wrong I had been..." She cringed inwardly and outwardly. "I wanted the floor to open up and swallow my sorry ass. I couldn't face you...I just couldn't."
All she knew for certain was hearing her own words repeated back to her made her beyond nauseous. "I think Silas wanted to knock some sense into me. He should have...I wish to God he had taken the shot." She laughed mirthlessly.
"Everything I said today, before God and our witnesses... was just a fraction of what I hope our marriage will be." Red told the truth. "I take my vows to you very seriously, Elizabeth!"
"I do as well." She hurriedly stated. "I said them, meaning them, with every fiber of my being."
"I've made a home with you, I've made love to you... I've married you," Red hissed, "it fucking meant something. It fucking still does to me!"
Pinching her lips tight, Liz staved off the need to cry, for the man's words were so sincere.
"No one is more important, the thought of losing you..." Red shook his head. "I can do a hell of a lot in my life, Elizabeth...as God is my witness, I have suffered, but that is one thing I cannot do! For to me? There is nothing more heinous."
"I," Liz stammered, "I don't know what to say to you." She winced. "How can I possibly make up for my lack of trust?"
Silence fell between them as they lost themselves to their own thoughts.
Looking off across the field, Red felt the tension in his shoulders growing with each breath he took. Some other issue reared its ugly head.
"...Did I hurt you?" Red murmured fearfully. "When we were...at odds? Don't lie to me..."
Taking a bracing breath, he cautiously inspected her arm critically, terrified he would see bruising of some sort.
"You should have knocked me on my fat ass." Liz sniffled, taking the offered handkerchief the man handed over, seeing her distress. "Maybe then I would have listened to what you had to say." She sought him out, her smile a hollow one. "Did I hurt you?" She softly brushed her fingers against the reddened area on Red's cheek.
"Yeah, you did." Red's jaw flexed, his eyes holding the remembrance of the pain. "But not physically...you hit like a girl."
Ducking her chin, Liz's brow furrowed sadly. "I'm sorry, Red. I am just...so very sorry."
"I was trying for lightness there." He advised. But the woman was having none of it, too troubled by her actions.
Cupping the woman's cheek, Red lifted her face, his gaze a gentle one. "I can move past this if you can." He was more than willing now to do so. "It's just...hopefully a learning experience we won't ever have to live through again."
Holding the man's gaze steadily, Liz nodded. It was a harsh lesson, impossible to forget. "We just can't assume everything will be forgiven, just like that. I know I hurt you. I don't expect it to be all right. Not for a long time."
"All I know." The man stated slowly. "Is that the alternative is unacceptable. I do not want to live a life without you in it. We can get past this."
"You can't know how happy those words make me." She teared up again, but hastily swiped the tracks aside. "They are more than I deserve."
"You..." the man laughed hollowly, "deserve the world, Lizzy...how can you not know that?"
She leaned to his shoulder, crying softly. "You are my world. I hope now, you know that, because I sure as hell do."
"We should head back." Red advised, his manner subdued. Lizzy gathered her train in hand, revealing her bare feet. "Where are your shoes?"
"I don't know." She didn't care. "I'm not sure I can face anyone just yet." She wasn't.
She looked around, not quite sure what direction she came from now. "...Where the hell are we? Do you know?"
"We're behind the hotel." The man motioned absently. "The grass is wet. You want me to carry you?"
Lizzy laughed abruptly. "Only you would ask that after all that's happened, but...no." She shook her head woefully. "I deserve to walk my ass back. I'm kinda looking forward to it."
"I could call for Silas." The man suggested evenly. "I don't think he would dump you on your ass or anything like that."
Liz chuckled, wiggling her toes in the cool, damp greenery. "You're right. Doesn't sound like anything he would do." She lifted gentle eyes, a smile playing about her mouth. "The grass feels good, anyway."
Walking side by side across the field, Liz was surprised to find themselves at the backdoor within just a matter of minutes.
Red watched the woman crane her neck, looking over the area critically.
She spun slowly. "I don't know where the hell I am." she realized. "In more ways than one, right?" She tried for lightness. "But you're here now to guide me, so...I think I'll be just fine."
"Do you want to go to our room? I can make our excuses." Red offered quietly.
"I must look terrible." Liz looked down at her dress absently.
"I don't think you know how to look terrible." He ran his thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away the tracks left by her tears.
"What do you want to do?" She asked his input.
Personally, he wanted to go up to their room. But he also didn't want to end their wedding on such a sour note, either.
"Let's go cut our cake." He decided.
"Oh, God, Red." she closed weary eyes. "Let's not do that. They'll think–"
"I could give a shit what they think." Red couldn't find it in himself to care one iota, truth told. "If it makes you feel better...I think they will be happy to see we worked things out."
"We haven't really though." She knew. "Have we?"
The man sought her hand, which she allowed instantly, his palm warm and dry against her cooler one.
"It's a little strained." the man admitted. "But listen, compared to what I was feeling? This is a shit load better. I hope you are feeling along those lines?"
Liz breathed out, her fingers tightening on his thick ones. "I am so relieved that you are willing to at least consider staying around." She laughed wistfully. "I'm going to be walking on eggshells for a while, I think."
"Like hell you are." He leaned, his lips caressing her cheek. "Lizzy, this crap happens sometimes. Misunderstandings are blown way out of proportion. We have to find that balance that Antonio and Maria have."
"Antonio is mad at me. Silas is mad..." she crinkled her nose. "I yelled at Francis."
"Francis is used to being yelled at." The man finally was able to quip. "Silas? Give him something shiny he can see his reflection in...all is forgiven."
"I noticed you left out, Antonio." She cut staid eyes the man's way. "I ruined our wedding, Red."
"Natalia ruined our wedding." He corrected.
"I let her." Liz brought his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles lovingly.
"It was just one stressful day all around, especially for you, Lizzy. You had a hell of a lot to contend with. First Edward, then Carver... planning the fucking wedding in a few hours..." He stopped for breath, "a trip to Houston for the dress. It's been a hell of a few days for you."
She only shook her head. "Antonio is mad at me." Was all she knew for certain.
"I'll handle Antonio." He waved the issue aside.
"Oh you will, will you?" That brought a smile, finally.
"Sure, how hard can it be?" Red liked the smile. "He's an old guy, right?"
"Okay." Lizzy grinned. "Sure. With a weapon he really knows how to use..." She brightened a bit. "Well, you know firsthand, he shot you, right?"
Red pointed to a pair of shoes sitting on a window ledge. "Are those your shoes?"
"Magically transporting shoes." She stared at the odd sight, allowing the other subject to drop. "Well, I paid enough for the privilege, I guess." She picked them up, examining the expensive satin closely. "They aren't too bad, considering."
Red smiled over at her, enjoying the way the moonlight lit the long tresses which had fallen down, the lovely up-swept hair a thing of the past.
She searched him out, her look a forlorn one. "Are we really going back in there?"
"Damned right." He nodded decisively. "We ain't no quitters." He grinned over at the smudged little face. "We can stop by the restroom, and you can refresh your make-up..."
"Which means I look like something the cat hacked up on an expensive rug." She nodded amiably. "Oh, my god...how's my dress?" Both she and Red looked the lovely creation over.
"No worse for wear." The man was more than impressed. "You look as beautiful as the moment I first saw you." His eyes made her believe him.
"What do I say to all those people?"
"You say...I am Mrs. Red Reddington and I don't have to say one damned thing to you people...so get the hell out of my way and show me to my cake."
"Let me memorize that." She drew in a cleansing breath. "Okay... I owe them at least an appearance, especially Silas, Antonio, and Francis."
He sat down on a nearby wall, motioning her to him, pulling her into his lap.
Hurriedly slipping her shoes on her feet, she stood with Red's help.
"You owe no one, anything." He made it clear. Placing his hands on her hips, he looked up into those beautiful eyes. "At least I can touch you again."
Liz placed her hands over his, holding firmly. "Anywhere you please, Mr. Reddington."
He stood, placing his mouth to hers, holding the sweet affection for a goodly while before the man reluctantly stepped back.
"I didn't think I'd get to do that again." Red's husky voice roughed.
Liz's lips quivered with a surge of emotion, disliking the idea as much as Red did. Rushing forward, she clasped her arms tight around his waist, squeezing the man for all she was worth.
Returning the embrace, Red closed his eyes with relief when he felt Lizzy's soft hair tickle his cheek.
"We're going to go in there," Red slowly pulled back, laying out the game plan, "cut our cake and do whatever the hell else that follows." He bolstered their spirits. "Then we're going to our room and make sweet, passionate love." He leaned back a little to gauge her reaction to his words. "Is that how you see it?"
"Finally." She breathed out a rush of emotions. "Finally, Red. I so see it that way."
Smiling softly, Red dabbed Lizzy's eyes with his handkerchief before kissing her cheek.
"Then let's get in there and show 'em what we're made of." He held his smile. "Head up..deep breath..."
Liz's eyes shined happily once again as she followed his every instruction.
"Where the hell is that door handle?" The man grumbled, having had trouble locating the latter.
Liz breathed a dry chuckle, leaning her head to his shoulder. She blinked at the brightness of light as the entrance was opened.
"Here we go." Red's expression gave her courage and strength.
She nodded, forcing a gay smile.
"We're celebrating a new beginning. Let's enjoy it."