Bella's Diary: March 22nd

Dear Edward,

It's been 2 years now. Yesterday was my birthday and I turned twenty one. Time like never before seems to flow on in a constant and never ending stream.

I have heard nothing from you Edward. Not a text, phone call, or even a letter. And even though it would seem that you never existed, the entire world itself is a constant reminder that you did exist and that I've lost you. When will you return I ask myself? But with each passing day, the hope of you returning grows dimmer and less real.

Like a Band-Aid. I feel that you were my band-aid and once you were snatched away from me I felt the surging pain that came along with your absence. But in good time the pain started to subside I the wound beneath began to heal. I have begun to heal…

Jacob and I have become quite the couple. We've been dating for a year and a half now and as a result I have grown quite fond of him. He was the light that shown through in my time of great darkness. And dare I say that even Alice has warmed up to him a little.

I'm attending the community collage trying to finish up my general Ed in order to transfer in the trade of an ultra sound technician. In a few months I will have accomplished this. Alice and the family are quite proud of me in so many ways.

Have you forgotten me? I suppose you have. Even though I have begun to heal from you I still will always have the everlasting scar from you. It will remain a hidden scar inside me that burns like a fire with eternal love and sadness.

Love, your Bella.

I shut the book and smiled. The last page of my diary. I got up and walked over to my library and then slowly slid my completed diary next to the other four before it. I looked at my accomplishment and laughed to myself. My first diary was filled will so much pain and anger, but each diary they progressed. The pain started to be replaced with sadness and depression and now it was just closure.

I closed my eyes and smiled at the fact that I no longer saw Edward. I was healed. I heard a small tap against my window. I turned to the window and slowly walked towards it. I head another tap before I pulled the curtains open and looked down through the window.

Jacob was smiling up at me holding bits of gravel in his hands as he threw another piece at the window. I pulled up the window hunched over, and shouted down at him.

"Isn't it a little early for you to be here?"

He smiled in a hot blush, "Yesterday we agreed we'd see each other tomorrow, well," he said waving his hands up by his sides, "its tomorrow."

"It's five thirty in the morning! What made you think I'd be up anyways? Have you been spying on me?" I said with a suspicious smile.

"Only a little," he grinned back at me. "Besides I couldn't sleep." I couldn't sleep either last night which is party why I decided to write out my last thoughts of Edward.

"Well then maybe you shouldn't spend so much time spying on me." Jacob laughed again as he scratched the top of his head in a bashful grin.

"Can I come up?" I tipped my head to the side in a thoughtful expression.

"That depends."

"On?"

"How long you plan to stay, I still have to get some rest before the sun actually comes up."

"Come on Bella, I got you a present." I smiled.

"Well in that case, I guess you can come up." I backed up as Jacob with a swift jump quickly climbed up and swopped into my room through the window. I could tell he'd been running through the woods in his natural form because he had no shirt.

He stepped closer to me and put his hands up to my face in a gentle manner. He cupped my chin as he placed a warm soft kiss on my lips. I returned the kiss as I placed my arms around his neck. Still in our intimate kiss I let my fingers run through his short silky black hair as his hands started to move from my face and down my back.

In a quick instant I started to pull away. Immediately Jacob gained control of his actions. "I know I know," he said in a whisper while placing his forehead against mine, "I'm sorry." I smirked at him and then placed my head against his chest listening to his racing beating heart with my eyes closed. After a moment he grabbed my hands in his and then placed something in them.

This caught me by surprise. I opened my eyes and looked down at what was in my hands; a small silver square box. I looked up at Jacob with surprise and slight nervousness in my eyes.

"Open it," he whispered. I bit my lip in a small intrigued smile. I tore the thin wrapping paper around the small box and then looked at the velvet black box in front of me. My breath caught in my throat as I dawned on me what was inside in the little box. I slowly opened the box and there place in the middle was an elegant luminous gold ring outlined with small crystals.

Jacob beamed down at me with brightness in his eyes as he slowly bent down on one knee. Now my heart was racing, although I could not tell if it was out of excitement or fear. In one hand Jacob took my left hand and smiled up at me, "Isabella Marie Swan," he said in such a confident tone, "I love you. Would you marry me?"

My eyes were wide with surprise and anxiety as I looked at the ring in my right hand and then back down at his eyes. I paused letting the shock sink in for a moment. It must have been a good ten minutes before I actually caught my breath.

I laughed and then smiled looking deep into his eyes. I bit my lip as I nodded, "yes Jacob Black I will marry you."

In a burst of excitement he jumped up and grabbed me quickly swirling me around the room. I laughed in his shoulder as he spun me around beaming in delight. He slowly set be down then began to smother my face with kisses. He jumped up to the ceiling and made loud crashing sounds as his feet hit the ground.

I put my hand on his shoulder while laughing to stop the jumping for fear that the others in the house would hear him.

He then picked me up again and hugged me close, "you've me the happiest man alive Bella. If I could shoot off into space right now I would." I smirked as I outlined his face with my finger stopping at his lips. Underneath my finger he smiled a toothy grin. I then leaned forward and placed a loving kiss on his smiling warm lips.

Jacob pulled my hand up and took the little black box from my it. He pulled the small gold ring out while taking my left hand and sliding it on my ring finger. For a moment we both looked at the ring on my finger. I couldn't help but admire its beauty.

Jacob's head perked up and then he looked down at me. "I have to go now, but I'll be back for you later this afternoon, I'm taking you somewhere special." I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Let me guess, you can't tell me." He leaned down kissed the tip of my nose.

"Right." He quickly walked over the window and put on leg out. He turned back to look at me, a twinkling emotion coming over his eyes. In another instant he swung his other leg out and leaped out the window landing with a thump on the ground.

I rushed to the window and put my hands on the windowsill watching him take off into the woods.

I'm going to marry Jacob the voice in my head repeated as if to help with the shock of the proposal.

The rest of the morning of filled with me doing meaningless cleaning around my room. I kept picking up items then setting them back down into place. I made my bed three times, brushed my hair six times, and critiqued my make up ten times. I then took an abnormally long shower and spent another hour choosing an outfit to wear.

In all good time I heard a soft knock at my bedroom door. I glanced at the door my heart pumping rapidly in my chest. I had forgotten I still had to break the news to my family.

"It's open," I said picking up a spare brush and combing through my hair for the seventh time. The door opened to reveal Esme. Her long bright golden hair swayed across her shoulders as she entered into my room. But instead of her bright and cheery smile I watched as he nose scrunched up in disgust. Jacob's smell. "Oh," was all I said.

She then smiled at me, "I see you had a visitor this morning."

"Um, yeah, it was Jacob," I replied putting the brush down and taking a seat at the end of my bed.

"May I see?"

"Sure, he just left, but he'll be back later this afternoon. We're supposed to go..somwhere," I said my words stumbling together.

"No, I mean can I see the ring?" This took me by surprise. I had already forgotten that I wore the golden ring of commitment.

"Oh," I said instantly covering up the ring with my right hand. Esme chuckled as she sat beside me and took my left hand in hers. She looked over my hand examining the ring on my finger with a soft smile on her lips.

"It is lovely Bella."

I nodded in agreement, "it is."

"I knew he was going to propose to you, I just didn't think it would be so soon, but I'm pleased all the same." She leaned over and hugged me. "Oh Bella, I'm so happy for you. Are you happy my love?" I looked down at the patterns on the quilt and thought for a moment. Was I happy? Of course the voices in my head said. I can finally be with Jacob as a mate.

"Yes I am," I said looking Esme in her beautiful golden glazed eyes.

"Good," she said planting a kiss on my both my cheeks. "Your life will truly be a joyful one. And judging by the loud stampeding sounds Jacob made when he almost broke through your floor I would say he's just as happy."

Esme stood up and motioned for me to come downstairs to have breakfast. I stood up and followed her. When I entered the kitchen I saw my family gathered together all full of smiles and congratulations. I had forgotten that nobody in this house sleeps and most of all they probably heard the whole proposal.

I blushed the amount of attention in one moment and slowly made my way over to a spare chair that was pulled out in front of the dinning table. A massive amount of fruit had been laid out along with a plate of sausage and a toasted onion cream cheese bagel. "Thank you," I said taking a bit of bagel.

I looked across the room and caught Alice's eye. She didn't look abnormally please but she also didn't look angry either. She struggled to smile at me and then made her way over to me.

"I'm glad you're happy Bella. And I wish you the greatest happiness in your marriage." I hugged Alice close and then smiled at her.

"You'll make sure I'm happy, you are my wedding planer aren't you?" Alice looked taken aback at the invitation and then suddenly a light shone her eyes.

"Really?" She said smiling and trying to contain the joy of being able to take over my life for a few months.

"Of course, I wouldn't have anyone else." She laughed a little as she hugged me close.

"So you're gettin hitched!" Emmett said smile a like an oversized teddy bear. "Never thought you'd be the one to go for the mutt, but as long as you like hairy kisses it's alright with me." Rose nodded in an agreement with a half smile on.

"I too think that this is a joyous occasion," Carlisle said putting his arm around Esme who had a romantic look in her eyes.

After all the congratulations, hugs and holding up my hand constantly to let everybody see the ring, I finally got to eat half my bagel before I decided to get some air.

I waked down the dirt road towards the trees of the forest the wind rustling through my hair. I entered the green lush forest walking until I reached a calm sitting spot next to a soft flowing pond. I lay on my back and closed my eyes composedly listening to the soft melodies of birds and the soft swaying of the wind.

I let out a contend breath and smiled when I saw Jacob's child like smile in my mind. Marriage, commitment, tied down. These words echoed through my mind. Words I didn't like to think about, but had to now.

The only thing that kept me sane was the serenity of the forest itself. I knew there was no turning back now. There was not Edward; I had to move on with my life.

I felt the wind blow across my nose and spread a few strands of hair across my face. Then it did it again, and again, almost in a rhythmatic way. I opened my eyes to the forest. I looked around. That was wired. It felt like someone was breathing one my face.

I my caught something moving in the cluster of trees. I smiled a little. "Jacob, I see you, just come out and stop trying to scare me."

I kept my eyes fixed on the figure in the trees as it slowly stepped out into the clearing. And with out a moment or a second thought my heart skipped a beat as my body froze in its position.

With my mouth agape I could hardly move from the utter shock and alarm of the person the stood before me. My arms began to shake and tremble as I struggled to find my balance in a standing position. My eyes remained glued to the figure for fear that if I blinked it would disappear.

I slowly approached the figure with my hand outstretched to him as if I was blind and he was the only one that could reassure the fact that I was not dreaming. The figure showed no sign of movement as I approached. I came to a faltering stop when I stood in front of the figure still open-mouthed.

I touched the side of his face with my left and then laid it on his cold chest. I looked up into his eyes feeling my emotions starting to come over me. At a lost for words I looked down my hand on his chest and then caught sight of the golden ring around my finger.

In shock I quickly pulled my hand down sliding it into my pocket.

A refreshing memorable musical chuckle graced my ears as his velvet voice spoke to me like an angle from a long lost dream. "No need to hide it my love, it is as it should be." I looked at him in longing way shaking my head slowly to his words. He smiled down at me, making my breath catch in my throat and cashing me suddenly to feel very nauseous at the sight of him.

I felt that at any moment I would puke up my stomach. I could feel the knots in my stomach as I struggled to regain control of my body. He lifted my hand from my pocket and put it to his lips as he placed a soft kiss on it. I let my fingers rub across his soft lips as he smiled at me.

I felt tears of shock, longing and anger coming. I tightened my lips so as not to let my emotions show.

"Why?" I said in a low cracked whimper. His eyes traveled over me before he smiled again.

"Because this is the life for you." I shook my head again to his words. "Yes Bella." My heart went wild at the sound of my name through his lips. "You are soon to be married, and what lovely bride you will make." I felt a tear slid down my cheek.

With a sigh he put his hand to my cheek and wiped it away. "It is a joyous occasion Bella, don't cry. It's not becoming of you." I leaned my head into his hand and put my hand on his pushing it to my face.

He leaned forward and placed a rememberable soft kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and tried to make this moment last as long as I could. His embrace was so welcoming to me I hardly could breath.

I could feel his touch loosening as if he were getting ready to leave. "That felt like goodbye," I said my eyes still closed holding his hand against my face.

He chuckled a little, "yes," he said. I instantly looked up at him in fearfulness. My hand tightened on his as if my strength could actually match his. "I only came to congratulate you on your soon to be marriage."

"You can't leave," I whispered. He slid his hand from underneath mine and smiled again. I hiccupped as I started to cry a little in panic of him starting to leave. He slowly started to back away towards the trees from which he came. "Edward," I said in desperation stepping towards him in order to hold on to him longer

"You're going be such a beautiful wife. How lucky the man is that holds your heart." All the while he kept backing away. I reached out to grab him until I heard a familiar distant voice call from behind me.

I turned for an instant and then swung my head back around only to find he was gone. Again.

Jacob came running to my side. "Hey, what are doing in the forest? Came to find me early?" I didn't say anything to this, but my eyes remained glued to the spot where Edward had stood.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I felt him put his hand to my head. "You're sweating and you're cold. Bella? Bella!" I turned to Jacob my eyes still in their stretched open position. "Your pale as can be. I'm taking you home right now."

Jacob's voice was like a distant echo in the back of my mind. All I could see and hear was Edward.

And it's a good thing he picked me up and carried me home because after seeing Edward I didn't think I was capable of moving.

Apparently I wasn't done. I was going to need a lot more diaries.