The Millenium Falcon was too. . . small.
Oh, she was still the most beautiful ship in the galaxy, a dream to pilot, and the ship that made the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs but there wasn't enough room. Rey couldn't run fast enough or far enough to exhaust herself. She couldn't train and sweat and swing her lightsaber hard enough in it's narrow corridors. And Rey's command of the Force was still too powerful and sporadic to practice during the delicate process of flying through hyperspace. Without physical exhaustion, she was still dreaming.
And . . . she couldn't stop thinking of Excarga. Which meant she couldn't stop thinking about him. His name was in her head, floating to the surface everytime she lost focus. The door she had made in her mind to shut out the bond constantly creeping open. She could hear his voice in the lull between conversations at dinner. She saw his cloak turning corners just ahead of her in the corridors. Once, in the cargo hold, as she pushed herself through set after set of lightsaber forms, she was sure she saw his broad, dark form leaning against the wall. When she swung back around, weapon at the ready, he was gone.
Rey decided if pushing her body wasn't working then she should push her mind instead. She needed a project. Something complex and delicate to command all of her attention. She would strip down and recalibrate the targeting system. By hand.
Three days into their journey, that's where Poe found her- neck-deep below the decking, a tangle of wires and apparatus littering the corridor floor.
"Rey," Poe settled himself on the grating. He couldn't see her clearly among the guts of the ship but he could hear the rustle and occasional exclamation in there somewhere. He tried again, "Rey!"
Her head popped up suddenly, "I'm not listening- oh!" Her eyes landed on him, "Poe. It's you."
He frowned, "Who did you think it was?"
"No one." She answered quickly and pointed, "Hand me that bonding tape."
He picked up a random clump of wires and she shook her head impatiently, "No. The bonding tape."
He tried again.
"No! The- look! Look at where I'm pointing!"
Poe's eyes fixed on a roll of yellow tape at the end of her finger and picked it up hesitantly.
She rolled her eyes, "Yes. Good. Thank you." And moved to duck back down under the decking.
"Wait!" He said, "I wanted to talk to you."
Rey paused and raised one eyebrow expectantly.
"I mean, we're all a little concerned. Is it really smart to be taking the ship apart when we're in hyperdrive?"
She shrugged, "I'm recalibrating the targeting system. It has nothing to do with the hyperdrive. We're fine."
He studied her, eyes serious, "I'm not so sure we are. You, you've been a little . . . manic ever since we got on board." His eyes moved over her face, searching, "If something's bothering you, you can talk to me-"
Rey imagined it. Imagined pouring out her sorrow and confusion to his kind face. She imagined telling him- Poe, as the result of a series of circumstances I don't fully understand, I am bound mind to mind with the most hated man in the galaxy. I see him. I hear him as though he were in this room with us. He stalks my dreams and only constant vigilance keeps him at bay. I don't know how to sever our bond . . . and I'm beginning to suspect it's because I don't want to. That deep in me there's something so broken, it will cling to any connection.
Because I can't stop hoping.
Then she imagined Poe's confusion. His disgust. His rejection. And worse, the rejection of every person on this ship, who constituted almost everyone in the galaxy who seemed to care for her.
"I'm fine," She told him, "Routine maintenance of the secondary weapons systems are important. Especially if we're going into an unknown situation. I want this ship in peak condition, in case-"
"In case of what?"
"Whatever." She gave him a bright smile and disappeared from view, "Thank you!" Her voice was muffled.
Poe watched the hole in the decking for a long time but she didn't emerge again. Eventually, he stood and went back to the others to report his failure.
For almost three days Rey doesn't sleep. She wanted to push herself even farther but in her short time with the Resistance, off Jakku, her body has become accustomed to regular meals, water, and sleep. But the targeting systems are recalibrated finally, from sensors to shooters. Her hand shook as she replaced the last access panel. Her eyes ached. She can probably try sleeping now. With a sigh, she climbed out of the decking and turned her feet toward her room. The ship seemed quiet. What time is is, Rey wondered vaguely. Everyone else must be in bed. But as she turned the corridor on the way to her room, Rey came face to face with Rose.
Rey felt a moment of relief. If she is so tired that she can't feel Rose coming, she is probably safe to sleep.
The smaller woman took one look at Rey's worn face and gasped, "You look like- like bantha crap."
Rey chuckled softly, "Thanks. The calibration is done. I'll get some rest now."
To her surprise, Rose slipped under her arm, encouraging her to lean into her. It felt. . . good. Maybe, she was more tired than she realized. She had been gulping down tyxon tea to help keep herself awake and the stimulant was catching up to her.
Rey protested anyway, "Rose, I'm fine. On Jakku-"
"On Jakku, you didn't have anyone to care about you. Now, you do." Pressing the plate to open the door to the other girl's room, Rose helped her inside. Settling Rey on the bed, Rose studied her critically, "You really should get in the refresher- you're filthy- and eat something decent. But I think you're just going to have to sleep first."
Rey nodded her agreement. The room was growing fuzzy. She moved to fall over but a small hand stopped her. Crouching down, Rose tugged her boots off, setting them side by side next to the door. She pulled the covers back and helped Rey burrow underneath.
When was the last time she been tucked into bed?
Tears gathered at the corners of Rey's eyes. She clenched her eyelids tight against them and whispered into the blankets, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Rose murmured and stepped toward the door. She paused and added, "I don't know anything about the Force or Jedi problems, but if there is something I can do for you, some way I can help you- I'd do it. You just have to ask."
When Rey doesn't answer, Rose turned off the lights and disappeared through the door.
Rey sighed to the empty room, "I want things I shouldn't and I don't know how to stop."