Chapter 4: A road less travelled.
'The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of what they have.'
-Unknown
Rebecca knew the walk back to the supply shed would be the hardest trek of her life. She had a severe concussion. She felt dizzy and disoriented. She tried her best to keep up with them, but the nausea was overwhelming. She tightly clenched her eyes, willing the feeling to go away.
The adrenaline had worn off. The events were still fresh in her head, but the most difficult part of their journey was behind them. She looked ahead, seeing Joel tightly clutching onto Ellie. Even though she was awake, he was still holding her in his arms, like he was afraid she would disappear if he let go of her.
They weren't speaking. She knew Joel felt guilt letting her down. She wanted to help them, but she didn't even know how to help herself. She felt so sick, weak and…tired. She was past the point of starving.
They were back in the snow again. The cold fucking bitter snow. They took whatever warm clothes they could from the dead bodies of the fireflies Joel killed. She's never seen anyone like that before. His face was black and devoid of rage. He was emotionless. He didn't even look at the doctors when he shot them. His sole focus and purpose was finding Ellie.
They reached an embankment. She knew it wouldn't be long now. Maybe only a few more hours to Silver Lake. She didn't worry about the rest of David's members. They probably broke apart and fled to warmer climates once word of his death reached camp. She could practically hear the joys of relief from the surviving group. They hated him as much as she did.
Rebecca winced as the pain in her head radiated throughout her neck. She felt another wave of nausea hit her. She felt her knees start buckling. She stumbled over to a tree, leaning back against it. She slumped back against it as she bent over and began vomiting, not being able to control it any longer.
Joel heard the retching from behind him. He sighed to himself. He didn't need to look back to know what was going on. He had been keeping an eye on her as they made their way. He knew she was struggling. He saw her eyes and the way they drifted. She stumbled as she walked. She had a concussion. He could keep his mind going through difficult situations. He could turn things off. He knew it wasn't easy for others. He and Ellie had that in common.
He could leave her behind to die. He could take mercy on her and put a bullet in her brain. She knew too much. She's seen too many things, but he knew the girl in his arms would never forgive him for that. Maybe a part of himself wouldn't either. She did save his life. She helped him bring Ellie out of this mess. He didn't even know if Ellie forgave him after betraying her trust. He swore to her that it was safe. Even when he didn't know it himself. He had been a coward and reckless. It's why Sarah died.
He stared down at Ellie, who was safe. She looked back at Rebecca, her eyes widening when she saw her leaning back against the tree, her eyes closed.
'She needs help, Joel. I'm okay.' She met his gaze directly, giving him hard stare,'She helped us. YOU wouldn't be here right now if she didn't help you.'
He had to hand it to the kid. She knew which buttons to push. She was like Tess in that regard. She could humble him with just a stare. She made him feel guilty with those eyes. Just like Sarah.
He carefully set Ellie down on her feet and trudged his way through the snow over to Rebecca. He saw her struggling to open her bag, probably to retrieve her medicine. The wind was whipping around, making the snow drifts pierce his skin like a thousand needles. He hated the snow. He missed Texas. The warmth and dry heat.
She was on her knees in the snow, sluggishly digging into her bag. He crouched down in front of her, looking over her. He shouldn't have agreed to bring her. She was a problem they didn't need. She was weighing them down, but she had become his problem to deal with.
He saw the blood trickling from her left nostril and the fresh bruises on her face. Those fuckers beat her up good. He wondered what else they did to her when she was unconscious. He wouldn't have put it past the fuckers to rape her while she was unconscious.
He was glad he killed them. He would do it all over again. He enjoyed it.
She didn't deserve this. It was partially his fault. He would make sure she got to Jackson and had a chance. She was a good person. A good nurse. Ellie could use a good friend like her. She needed a strong female to look up to.
'You need to leave me.' She whispered and swallowed harshly,'I'm only slowing you down. I'll take the medicine, rest some and then continue.'
Joel narrowed his eyes as he looked over her face. He sighed as he cradled the side of her jaw and gently lifted her head up, inspecting her eyes. They were fluttering back and forth. She couldn't seem to keep her eyes straight. She wouldn't make it a half hour if he left her. She would go into a coma.
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. She could be fucking dramatic. Ellie crouched down beside him, immediately going into Rebecca's bag. She was grabbing bottles and reading labels.
He stared at the young girl sheepishly, feeling foolish. He was a fifty three old man for fuck's sake. Ellie made him feel like the kid sometimes.
'This is so stupid.' Rebecca whispered,'You shouldn't have brought me.'
'No one forced you to come.' Joel's words were harsh and he meant them to be. No one put a gun to her head.
'Not blaming you.'
Joel's eyes widened at her words. What was with every woman seeming to read his damned mind?
Joel grabbed the bottles of medicine from Ellie's hands,'I'll do it. You need to take it easy.'
Ellie rolled her eyes. She would deal with him later. Now wasn't the time to air out their issues. She didn't blame him. She knew the risks too. She just wished he didn't tell her what he thought she wanted to hear.
He began reading the labels, remembering what she gave him that helped. He grabbed syringes and began injecting her with each as she instructed him as best she could.
Ellie let out a dry laugh and rolled her eyes,'I guess getting her good and high is better than dying right?!
He smirked to himself as he made Rebecca take a swig of whiskey. He was glad to see Ellie getting back to herself after what she's been through.
He looked over Rebecca's face. She would be fine. He just needed her to stay awake. He saw her eyes droop and gently slapped her cheek, forcing her to stay awake.
He cupped Rebecca's chin and he forced her to look at him,'You stay awake. I ain't carrying your ass the rest of the way.'
She tried to jerk out of his grasp, but he was much too strong.
'Then leave.' She murmured,'Don't have to stay.'
Joel glared at her, his nostrils flaring. He roughly grabbed her shoulders. He didn't care he wasn't being gentle. Her eyes widened as he shook her,'You need to snap the fuck out of this shit. You're not helping yourself.' He nodded,'I could leave you. I could kill you. You're right. I've thought about it. I reckon you thought I might too.' He shook her again for emphasis,'You've become my problem. Whether I fucking like it or not. I get you to Jackson and that's it. The end of the road. We're even. Understood?'
Rebecca nodded, suddenly coming to attention. His strong hands were iron clad on her shoulders, digging into the bones protruding through from a long starving winter.
'I understand.'
Joel seemed to be satisfied with her answer. He let her go as she sat back against the tree. He didn't mean to be so rough with her, but deep down he hated the fact she thought he would just leave her. She was right. He was a cold hearted man, but he's made it through this far for a reason.
Ellie looked up at Joel and raised her eyebrow,'Is she cargo now? I remember when you used to call me cargo.'
She had a knowing smirk and he shot her a warning glare to shut the fuck up. He just saved her from death and she was still busting his balks like a little shit. He was happy there was still a fourteen year old little girl in there.
He looked up at the sky, sighing when his saw the clouds. It was dusk. They needed to make make camp for the night. They were only a few hours away, but Rebecca wouldn't make it that far right now. Maybe when he was thirty three he could've carried her like a champ the rest of way, but he was getting long in the tooth. He needed the rest if he was being honest with himself.
He made a fire and they laid out their bags, resting back against the tree, huddling around the fire for warmth. Rebecca stated into the fire as she thought about the previous events. The events at the hospital were the most horrific of her life. She's never felt fear like that before.
The drugs were making her feel better. She was lucid and the nausea was gone. The codeine helped with the pain. She felt tired, but knew to keep herself awake.
Ellie was sleeping and she was thankful she could rest after everything she's been through. Joel was awake, staring back and forth between the fire and Ellie. She wondered if he ever slept. The heavy bags under his eyes told her he hasn't slept in days.
She cleared her throat and took a deep breath,'I want to say thank you.'
His eyes cut over to her and he shrugged,'Why?'
'You were right.' She nodded,'I need to get my shit together. I need to…be tougher.'
Joel laughed to himself and shook his head,'You made it this far. I reckon you're tougher than you give yourself credit for.'
His compliment made hope blossom in her chest. He was a good man. Even if he didn't think so himself. He could have left her, but he didn't. It's twice he could've done so. He thought he owed her one for saving his life. No one owed anyone anything. Not anymore.
'You and Ellie gonna get that sheep ranch y'all talked about?'
Joel laughed softly and nodded,'I got the land and the house.'
She smiled as he looked off into the distance. There seemed to be a weight lifted off his shoulders. She knew they were far away from being out of the clear. There was still a good chance other Fireflies were searching for Ellie, but they would be safe in Jackson. Hopefully.
'What about you?' His question surprised her. She didn't think he cared about what she would do.
'I don't know.' She shrugged,'You said they need nurses. I guess I'll do it. I don't mind working my keep. It'll be nice to try and…be normal again. As close as it can be anyway. '
'I think you'll have a good life there. They'll be happy to have ya.' He nodded,'You'll make friends there. Maybe find a husband. A good man that'll treat ya right. The way you deserve. Maybe stay away from those preacher types.'
She smiled at the smirk on his face,'Are you being nice or am I really that high?'
He didn't answer her and she wondered if that's all he was going to say.
She stared into the fire and sighed softly,'I don't know if…I want a man at this point in my life. For the past three years of my life I lived in…servitude to a man. I think I want to be in a relationship with myself for awhile.' She smiles tearfully,'What about you? You could find a woman.'
He didn't say anything for a long time. She sighed and leaned back against the tree, knowing he was done with the conversation. For a split second she thought she found a friend in him, but he closed off any chance of that happening when he closed himself off.
'I had a woman.'
For a moment she thought she imagined it, but his gruff words were loud and clear. She looked iced at him, seeing his eyes cast off into the distance. He wasn't going to elaborate. She wondered what love he had been grieving.
Grieving seemed to be the one thing all three of them had in common.
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They continued on their journey just as soon as the day broke. Rebecca felt well enough to walk. Ellie held tightly onto her arm, making sure to keep her steady. She told her stupid puns to keep her alert.
A sickening knot in her stomach formed when she read the sign to Silver Lake. She hated being back here. It brought back too many bad memories. She wanted this to be the last time she would see the place again.
They trudged through the snow filled streets, walking past the abandoned houses. They reached the supply shed and she was thankful to see no one had raided it in the time they were gone. The horses were safe and sound. The rest of the supplies all accounted for.
They filled the saddle bags and loaded them onto the horses.
Rebecca stood next to Sadie, gently patting her side, nodding to the black horse,'You and Ellie can ride Dusty.'
'Dusty?' Joel raised an eyebrow,'Fucking great.'
Rebecca rolled her eyes,'Be a gentleman with her now. She's a lady.'
Joel smirked as he ran his hand along the side of Dusty,'Ain't no lady ever complained about me being a gentleman when I'm riding them. I can promise you that.'
Rebecca's eyes widened and she laughed softly. So he did have some personality after all.
Ellie averted her eyes between the two of them and winced,'This is so fucking weird and gross and I've seen some weird fucking shit.'
Joel ignored her words and led the horse out of the shed with Ellie following close behind him.
Rebecca stayed behind for a moment. She unhooked the rope from her around her neck. She held her husband's wedding ring around her neck ever since he died. David came back with it. It was the only thing she had left of him other than her memories.
It was time to let go of the past and focus on the future. She kissed his ring as tears fell from her eyes. She placed it on the ground in the shed. The same place they spent their last night together before he died.
She whispered a goodbye to him. She would always hold him in her heart, but it was time to let him go. She needed to forge ahead and make a new life for herself.
She led Sadie out of the shed as she met Joel and Ellie. She didn't have tears on her face. She meant what she said to Joel. She would be strong. She is strong. She's going to be okay.
They got on their horses and headed out of town onto Jackson. They had almost a week travel ahead of them. It would be a treacherous journey. There might be infected, but it wasn't then she was worried. It's humanity that scares her more than anything.