Chapter 14: A new chapter begins.
'If fear is the great enemy of intimacy, love is its true friends.'
Authors notes: I cleaned up the past and future tense of my writing. I didn't want to confuse people. I took the constructive criticism and found a beta! Thanks to everyone who's keeping with the story though.
Anywho. Let's get on with the show.
Present Day, Ellies 16th Birthday
It was the morning of the Ellie's sixteenth birthday. Rebecca had finished planning the meal. She used a lot of stuff from her garden as ingredients. Joel, Tommy and a few other guys went hunting. The warm weather brought out all the animals and flowers. Supplies were in abundance. Always having things on hand is something she had to get used to.
Even after a year, it still surprised her how much stock they had. She was used to rationing everything. No matter what season it is.
She was busy working in her garden while Ellie was with her girlfriend and Joel was working on one of the barns. While hunting Joel and Tommy found some sheep and they managed to wrangle them to the farm.
She looked out onto the ranch, laughing to herself as she watched Joel trying to get the sheep into the fenced in area. Joel was running circles around them, trying to feed them as they toppled all over him.
She shook her head as she dug in the dirt with her shovel. She placed the root of the herb in the dirty, burying it with her hands. She always loved digging in the dirt. Some of her fondest memories are being in the garden with her mom. She taught her everything she knew about gardening.
She kept stealing glances over at him. She couldn't help herself. She kept thinking about their first date. It really wasn't anything different from what they usually do. Except Ellie wasn't with them.
They stayed up almost the entire night before talking about everything and anything. He didn't kiss her. Then again, she could've kissed him too. She wondered if he were waiting for the right moment.
She tried to focus on her task, but her eyes kept drifting over towards him. As if sensing her presence, he turned his head and looked her way. Their eyes met across the field and he smirked, giving a nod of his head. She smiled softly and nodded her head back. He looked as if he were going to wave, but one of the sheep knocked into his leg causing him to fall backwards. She laughed as he shook his head with a sheepish look on his face.
She turned back to her gardening, smiling to herself. He made her feel giddy. It's something she hasn't felt in such a long time. She looked forward to seeing him everyday.
She couldn't help but look over at him again. He was wearing jeans and a denim button down. The sleeves were rolled up and he has a cowboy hat on, shielding himself from the sun. He was so tanned from working sun up and sun down on the farm. The boots he wore on their date were already dirty and scuffed up.
His body was stronger. He gained a lot of his muscle mass back. He looked better than he did when she first saw him. He looked healthy. His hair didn't even look as gray as it did. He looked younger. All he needed was a steady diet and happiness. I go knew?
She would help him with whatever he could on the farm. He decided to swallow his pride and actually accept help. He couldn't do it alone and he was starting to realize that.
Joel tried to focus on the the task at hand, but damn if she wasn't distracting. Every time he tried to do anything he would feel her eyes on him. He knew she was watching him. He was watching her too. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off her.
She was wearing another dress. It was another yellow one. He wondered if she did this to torture him. The thin straps were falling down her shoulders and it rode up her thighs as she kneeled down in the dirt.
He took off his hat as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. He sighed to himself. It was a really hot day. The sun was scorching. It didn't help matters the women he was interested in as standing a few feet away. She looked good. She always looked good to him. He thought she was beautiful beaten and bruised up.
He knew she was beautiful even when he wanted nothing to do with her. There wasn't any use denying it. He didn't know when he started to think about wanting more with her. He fought it for so long. He couldn't tell you when it began. All he knew is that it was too late to turn back now. He was in too deep.
He looked over at her, seeing her planting something in her garden. He took a deep breath and decided to go over to her. She had stayed over, but he woke up in the wee hours of the morning. When he woke up she was fast asleep in the room next to him.
He walked over to her garden and sat his hat on the post. He crossed his arms over his chest, silently watching her for a few moments.
'How's the sheep coming along?' She smiled to herself, keeping her back facing him.
His eyes widened and he shook his head,'How long did ya know I've been standing here?'
She looked back at him over her shoulder and grinned,'Since you got here. You have a shadow, Joel. You're not a vampire.'
He rolled his eyes and laughed,'I thought I was being sneaky.'
'About as sneaky as a parakeet.' She got up from the ground and looked over at his sheep,'How's it going Little Bo Beep?'
He narrowed his eyes, but the look on his face was playful,'I lose two goddamned sheep and never hear the end of it.'
Rebecca was laughing as she playfully punched his arm,'You will never live it down. I'll break your balls at your funeral about it.'
He smirked as he watched her look out onto the ranch. She had a wistful smile on her face. She looked so far away from him in that moment.
He looked over her face and frowned,'You okay, darlin?'
She nodded and smiled softly,'I'm okay.' She shook her head in disbelief,'Did you ever realize that the Earth creates music?'
He inwardly rolled his eyes, but kept his face neutral. He often teased her being a hippy. She would always roll her eyes and call him a communist.
He didn't dare tease her right now. Not when she had that smile on her face. He wouldn't dare wipe that smile off her face. Not after everything's she's been through.
'What kinda music does it make?' His tone was gruff as he stared at her. The euphoric look on her face was doing his head in.
'The birds and the wind.' She closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief,'Even at night you can hear the animals and crickets. Back in Silver Lake, I would lie awake at night and just listen. It's music Joel.' She sighed and let out a dry laugh,'I know what you're gonna say. That I'm a tree hugger.'
He had a serious look on his face as he shook his head, 'Ain't nobody gonna say that. '
Her eyes widened as he stared at her intensely. There was something on his face she's never seen before. Not even last night.
Joel could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest. She drove him crazy all day. With her sly glances and knowing smirks. He could barely sleep last night knowing she was in the room next to him. If she was any other woman he would've bedded her by now.
He couldn't keep doing this anymore. If they were going to do this; they needed to be all in. They couldn't keep playing this dance. He needed to let her know he wanted her just as much.
He leaned in close to her and cupped her jaw. Her eyes widened slightly as he looked over her face, whispering,'Can you…help me hear the music?'
Tears filled her eyes as she met his gaze. In his own way, she knew what he was asking her.
'Yeah.' She nodded and smiled tearfully,'I'll help you hear the music.'
He leaned in even closer and bent his head down to rest his forehead against hers. Their breathing was heavy and ragged. They couldn't remember the last they've kissed someone.
She was shorter than him and had to lean up and hold his face in her hands. He stared at her mouth, but didn't make any move to kiss her. He was waiting for her to say it was alright.
She nodded slightly and it was all the answer he needed. He wasted no time in pressing his lips against hers. She surprised him by swiping her tongue across his lips. That seemed to ignite a fire within him. He slowly slid his tongue against hers, making them both moan slightly.
Rebecca cupped the back of his neck as their tongues tangled together. She couldn't remember the last time a kiss affected her like this. Not even Ben made her feel like this.
He tasted like coffee. The smell of leather and sweat permeated her senses. He made her dizzy.
The longer the kiss went on the more heated it got. He tentatively placed his hands on her hips and wrapped his arms around her stomach. He hoisted her up his body, kissing her deeper as she cupped the back of his neck. She was gently tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck. It took all of the insurmountable strength within him not to take her in the house and up to bed.
She would be a caring lover, but he could tell she had a fire in her that matched his own. He didn't think it were possible. He thought there wasn't any way she could want him as much as he wanted her, but she did. He could tell in the way she kissed him.
Without thinking, he took his hands off her face and slid them down her thighs. He needed to know what her skin felt like. It was as soft as it looked. His hands seemed to glide over her skin.
He groaned softly as he pressed himself agains her. Every time they pulled apart to catch their breathy they dove right back in. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other.
She felt Joel press his body against hers. She placed her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. She needed a moment to catch her bearings.
Joel's eyes widened in realization. He did too much. She looked as if she were scared shitless. He didn't want her to be afraid of him. It was too much too fast. She was still healing.
He let go of her as he shook his head,'I'm sorry.'
'No…Joel.' She frowned,'You don't have to be sorry. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted it too. We just needed to slow down.'
'You're right.' He took a step back from her and she felt the fear creep up again.
He was going to push her away again. She could feel it.
'I need to get back to work.'
He grabbed his hat and put it back on his head. She watched him quickly walk away from her. It seemed like he couldn't get away from her fast enough.
She cursed under her breath as she looked over at him. He was tending to his sheep, keeping his back facing her. How could he do that? How could he kiss her like that pretend it never happened? She envied his indifference towards everything.
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It was the night of Ellie's birthday dinner and she was feeling anxious. She hasn't seen much of Joel since their kiss. He made himself sparse. She knew he would show up for Ellie's dinner. He wouldn't do that to her.
She finished setting the table and fixing the banner on the wall. She made it at work while on break. She managed to find some large pieces of paper and markers. It wasn't much, but it was the best she could do. She was sure Ellie would appreciate it.
Rebecca was finishing putting the final touches on the table. She heard footsteps and looked up, smiling when she saw Ellie and Lizzie walk in hand in hand.
Lizzie was seventeen years old. Rebecca knew her mom really well. She was taller than Ellie and dark hair and dark eyes. She was smart too and was interested in English. She loved to read books. It's the first thing they bonded over. She was glad Ellie found her person.
Rebecca thought she found hers too. She had no one else to blame but herself. She was the one who ended the kiss.
Ellie looked up at her Happy Sweet 16 banner and smiled,'You do this?'
'Of course I did. Rebecca shrugged,'You didn't want a party, but you were getting a banner.
Ellie let go of Lizzie's hand and walked over to Rebecca, hugging her tightly,'Thank you.'
She hugged her back and smiled softly,'Og course. You're welcome, sweetheart. She turned to Lizzie and gave her a hug,'It's always good to see you. How's your mama?'
'She's doing good. Lizzie shrugged, looking every bit the teenager she is,'Thank you for inviting me.
'Don't thank me.' Rebecca looked at Ellie,'It's what the birthday girl wanted.'
Ellie and Lizzie stared at each other. Even though they were teenagers, she knew they cared deeply for each other. The looks they shared reminded her of what she had with Joel. It was exciting, scaring and fragile. She hoped she didn't scare him off completely.
'So' Ellie smirked,'Where's your boyfriend?'
'He's not my boyfriend.' She sighed. It didn't feel like she were being honest. He wasn't a boyfriend or friend. He was just Joel. She couldn't explain it any other way.
Lizzie shared a knowing smile with Ellie,'I thought you two had a date last night.'
'We had a date.' She nodded,'At least I think it was a date.'
'Did you sleep with him?' Ellie wagged her eyebrows suggestively,'He'll probably be in a better mood.'
Rebecca placed the bowls of food on the table and sighed,'I didn't sleep with him and that's the end of it.'
Ellie grinned and decided to get off her back. For now anyway.
Rebecca thought about their kiss earlier. She wanted to talk to him about it, but he made himself sparse. He was avoiding her.
Thankfully, Joel arrived in the kitchen after they were done talking about him. He barely made eyes contact with her. He didn't even sit with her at dinner, which was fine. She wouldn't get mad about that. This wasn't about her. It was elopes birthday.
Ellie seemed to enjoy herself at dinner. She had a big smile on her face all night. She should be happy. She's sixteen years old and had the rest of her life ahead of her. She shouldn't be worried about a cure or The Fireflies. She should just enjoy being a kid. She had the rest of her life to worry.
Ellie convinced Joel to let her stay over Lizzie's house. He was hesitant at first, but he wasn't her dad. He took care of her, but he wouldn't police her. She was sixteen years old. She had a good head on her shoulders. He trusted her.
Joel helped Rebecca clean up before going out onto the porch to have a drink. He was all she could think about as she finished up cleaning. She knew he thought she changed her mind. She could tell by the look on his face all throughout dinner. He barely spoke to her or made eye contact. He was ashamed of himself and shouldn't be.
She nodded to herself. She knew what she had to do. She's made her choose a long time ago.
Taking a deep breath, she placed the dish towel on the counter and walked out to join him.
He was sitting on the bench, a flask of something in his hand. He had a contemplative look on his face. She could almost hear the grinds moving in his head.
His legs were spread apart as she walked over to him. He stared up at her and shook his head,'Darlin, what are you doing?'
'I'm making a choice.' She smiled softly as she slowly and cautiously sat down on his lap.
He didn't make any attempts to stop her. He leaned back on the bench and closed his legs, making it easier for her to sit. He didn't know what possessed her to do this. She barely drank at dinner. She had a determined look on her face though. He was curious about what she was doing.
He had to admit, it hurt him when she pushed away from him earlier. He wondered if she changed her mind. He thought their signals were mixed up, but the way she looked at him right now chased away any lingering doubts he may have had.
He waited with bated breath, wondering what she was going to do next. She held his face in her hands and pulled his head down to hers. She kissed him first this time. He kissed her back immediately.
She ran her hands through his hair as their tongues slowly tangled together. This kiss was different than the one from earlier. Their first kiss had been desperate. They've been deprived from intimacy for so long.
They took their time with this one though. Their mouths slowly moved together as they tasted each other.
She noticed he kept his arms at his sides. Without breaking the kiss she gently grabbed his hands and placed them on her hips. She pressed her body against his and he groaned into her mouth. The rumbled sound reverberated throughout her entire body, making her tremble.
She could feel his hands shaking as he wrapped his arms around her body. He seemed to be nervous. She was too. At least they were good reasons to be happy this time around.
Joel reluctantly pulled his mouth off hers. She wasn't ready for anything else and neither was he, but they could do this. They could become acquainted with one another.
She sighed as she stroked his cheeks, her thumbs tracing the length of his beard,'I'm sorry.'
'Ain't no reason to be sorry, honey girl.' He sighed as he cupped her cheek,'I thought I fucked up today. I thought you changed your mind.'
Her heart broke at his words. He's never been this open and vulnerable with her. Joel Miller actually looked…unsure of himself.
'I didn't change my mind.' She met his gaze directly,'You didn't do anything wrong, Joel.'
His hands were running up and down her bare arms. He was still dumbfound she let him touch her.
He licked the taste of her off his lips and slid his hand up her neck to cup her cheek. He didn't respond. He just kissed her. Now that he knew he could kiss her he didn't want to stop.
Rebecca closed her eyes and sighed into the kiss. She wouldn't pull away this time. Not anymore. It took them too long to get to this point. There wasn't any turning back.