Crazy Girls
Chapter 33: Pure Genius
Kagome: SHIPPO THAT WOMAN IS TOO OLD FOR YOU, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
Kirara: I'm only like a hundred!
Kagome: I'D CALL THAT ROBBING THE FUCKING CRADLE WOULDN'T YOU?!
Kirara: YOU CANT KEEP US APART!
Shippo: wait why are you yelling I'm confused
Sango: HES TOO YOUNG
Kagome: SHIPPO!
Shippo: what?
Kagome: Do you want some cookies?
Sango: Damnit Kagome you're a horrible parent. I mean look how I turned out!
Miroku: not this again
Yasha: Here we go, ya did it now Sango
Kagome: *sobbing in a dark corner, eating chocolate and listening to sad music* Am...Am I really that bad of a mother...?
Yasha: *suddenly back in his recliner with a beer opened and a TV in front of him again* No dear, you're a wonderful mother, our friends are just insensitive idiots
Sango: no don't cry; if you were a horrible mother I probably would never have gotten married!
Kirara: you did what now
Kagome: I tricked her into getting married... One she was drunk, and two, I accidentally checked us out of the hotel we had booked and at this casino/hotel for every couple that gets married gets two free rooms
Sango: wait so the only reason I got married was because you didn't wanna pay for more rooms?
Kag: No I could tell you were in LOOVVEE with Roky here, and vise-versa, so I made you get married...
Yasha: It wasn't too hard
Kag: How would YOUknow? You were trying to climb a TV calling it a large bean stalk to the golden egg or whatever
Sango: I cannot BELIEVE you Kagome. I'm leaving! Come on, Miroku lets go have sex
Miroku: say what now?
Kag: Oh you also were very blunt. You kept begging Roku to fuck you
Kag: Too bad I couldn't do anything
*Sango and Miroku go upstairs to pretend to fuck but actually end up playing cards or some shit however no one else knows this and there won't be much info on them for a while because I've been too focused on them*
Kag: How rude... I WAS FUCKING TALKING YOU KNOW YOU RUDE IMMATURE SKANK ASS SHIT-LICKERS
Kirara: let's focus on why Jaken decided to take up residence in the garage
Kag: *suddenly not feeling murderous* I thought he disappeared like two weeks ago
Yash: No cause I kicked him for gettin in my way and that was a week ago
Kirara: DONT TELL RIN THATS WHY HES HERE
Yash: DONT SAY HER NAME OR SHE'LL APPEAR!
Rin: WHY THE **** DO I KEEP GETTING CALLED HERE IF I CAN'T ****ING MURDER ANYONE GOD DAMNIT
Kirara: because we like to say nice things about you behind your back...?
Kag: IT'S LIKE ME WITH MY WHISTLING *whistles and the two wolves run in this time fully dressed*
Koga: I swear I need to get a lock for my dick...
Kirara: what does that even mean?
Koga: It means Ayame keeps hiding it from me... *grins suggestively*
Kirara: Kagome please never whistle ever again
Kag: *whistling The Smurfs tune to herself and looks up at you curiously* Huh?
-A While Later-
Kagome: Shippo, how come you said 'fucking savage' a while ago? I thought I told you no cussing until you were seven hundred
Shippo: well I've been spending some time on the Internet
Kagome: I'm getting you a tablet
Kagome: *thinking to herself* It's a parental guidance tablet though, so, HA
((Oh btw Kirara and Shippo are both still in teenage human form
Kagome: Now if you'll excuse me, your father and I need to get drunk off our asses
Kirara: *walks in* ooh that sounds exciting; can I come?
Yasha: *pulls out Vodka and starts chugging it*
Kag: Sure I guess... Sango and Miroku can take care of da fox kit
Kirara: but they're upstairs pretending to fuck
Shippo: still? It's been three hours
Kagome: TAXI! HERE TAXI TAXI TAXI! *whistles*
Taxi: *pulls up immediately*
Kag: Too late now, I'll tape a note on the window
Kag: *outside slapping a note on the window*
Miroku: *falls down the stairs and lands on his face*
Kag: Let's just go
Yashie: *is gone*
Kag and Kirara: *leave*
Sango: ROKU LETS DO IT ON THE COUCH
Miroku: OK wait no we can't...
Sango: why not?
Miroku: because Inuyasha is hiding behind the curtain
Sango: damnit...
Kag: *from somewhere mysterious* YASHIE GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE THEY SCAR YOUR EYES FOREVER
Yashie: I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO JAIL! *runs out of the place like he being chased by a giant spider (oh wait naraku isn't that threatening and is dead anyways)*
Sango: oh thank god he's gone... Now let's bake some cookies
Miroku: *disappointed voice* I thought we were gonna do it on the couch
Sango: yeah but now I want cookies... Hey let's make out while we bake cookies!
Miroku: ok!
-meanwhile-
Kirara: OMG OMG LOOK AT THAT CUTE GUY OVER THERE I WANNA HIT THAT SO BAD
Kag: REAL SUBTLE KIRARA
Kag: *silently walks up behind him and whacks him unconscious*
Kirara: WHAT THE HELL
Kag: Hey I said I would help a friend get a man, even if it involved kidnapping
Kirara: you never said that and I'm not letting you kidnap anyone for me
Kag: SCREW YOU THEN * leaves with Yashie*
Kirara: *sigh* *tries to wake up the guy and apologize*
((We'll see how that goes...
Kirara: Excuse me
Guy: G-Get away from me
Kirara: no I just wanted to apologize because my friend who just ran away knocked you unconscious because she thought it was helping me somehow and I yelled at her until she left
Guy: Oh...well I'm kinda into that thing
Kirara: excuse me..?
Guy: She's taken ain't she
Kirara: my friend? Yeah she's having extreme sex with a half dog demon probably right now
Kag: Kirara if you don't shut up right now I swear to god I'll shove a pitch fork down your throat
Kirara: sorryyy I'll just find a new guy to hit on...
Kag: Good girl, by the way guy? There's a BDSM store just arund the corner
Kirara: I don't know what that is and I don't care to
Kag: Good, cause I don't wanna explain
Kagome: *singing* I GOT A HANGOVER, I BEEN DRINKIN TOO MUCH FOR SURE!
Yashie: Someone kill me now
Rin: CAN I?!
Sesshomaru: Rin?
Rin: Yes Lord Sesshomaru?
Sesshy: Go to bed
Rin: NEVER! *lets out war cry and attacks Jaken with chainsaw*
Sango: *sings* DONT GO BREAKIN MY HEART
Miroku: sango? I won't don't worry
Sango: YOU STUPID HOUSHI YOURE SUPPOSED TO SING WHY DID I MARRY YOU
Sango: DONT STOP ME NOW! *dances while doing guitar solo*
Miroku: sango are we gonna bake cookies or frickle frackle I don't have time for this I have a meeting in a half hour
Sango: you have a JOB?
Miroku: pffffft yeah maybe
Sango: maybe this marriage could work after all ;-)
Miroku: how the fuck did you just do a winkie face in dialogue?
Sango: WAIT do you have to wear a suit? Or like something nice looking AT ALL? I wanna see!
Miroku: pfffffffffffffft yeah
Sango: OMG PUT IT ON I WANNA SEEEEEEEEEE
Miroku: pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft yeah ok *runs upstairs*
Kagome: THIS LITTLE GIRL IS CAPABLE OF MURDER!
Kagome: HEY MISS MURDER CAN I
Yashie: STOP! *pulling silver hair out in frustration*
Kagome: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND PURE GENIUS!
Yashie: I am this close to taking the microphone
*Kagome: That's it! *grabs something from a bag, and pulls Yashie into a bathroom then locks the door*
Yashie: Kagome what are you-Hey! Get that away from me! NOOO-KYAAAAA!
Kagome: *walks out wearing a smirk*
Yashie: *walks out wearing a tailored suit, looking all professional and shit* Good day to you ladies and gentlemen
Sesshy: What did you do to him?
Kagome: He's got a dildo shoved up his ass now
Kagome: Hang on. *grabs phone and types something on it* C'mon pick up...
Sango: *sits on the couch and waits then abruptly stands up* somebody has a dildo up their ass right now I can feel it... What the fuck
sango: *phone is ringing* ohhhhh. *picks up* I KNEW it was you!
Panda: ((By the way I meant that she could sense that somebody had a dildo up their ass NOT that she felt as if a dildo was up HER ass
Kagome: Hey Sango! I shoved a dildo up Yashie's asshole cause he pissed me off and now he's all proper and shit
Kagome: He walked out of the bathroom in a tailored suit, looking all professional and stuff, and he said ' Good day ladies and gentlemen'
Kagome: Besides his totally legit business which I have no idea about, yeah
Kagome: Wait shit I wasn't supposed to say anything... I NEED A WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM ORDER NOW! HELP ME
Sango: yeah that's great DID YOU KNOW THAT MIROKU HAD A JOB?
Miroku: *walks downstairs looking all professional and shit*
Sango: gotta go...
Kagome: *wailing then stops* Okay bye see ya later! *continues to wail*
Sango: I have no words...
Miroku: *smirks and checks watch* FUCK I GOTTA GO *kisses sango on the cheek then leaves*
Sango: *drops to knees dramatically* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-Narrator: Now on the other side of town!-
Miroku was walking into a store with a cold expression. Miroku: Kansuke, where's my drugs. Kansuke: Mr. Houshi the X-Lax is in aisle four, and the condoms in aisle nine.
Miroku: Thanks my friend, now I won't have to punish you.
Kansuke: Just go him Mr. Houshi, you're on drugs
Rin: Hey Mr. Narrator guy, what's a condom?
Narrator: Ask Lord Sesshomaru
Rin: LORD SESSHOMARU WHAT'S A CONDOM
Sesshomaru: *chokes*
Panda:((So I wanna continue but like wtf Miroku can't be on actual drugs
Fire:((It's not really drugs, it's pixi sticks
Sango: *calls kagome* get over here im bored as hell
Kagome: RIN! I need transportation to Miroku's house, his kitchen please.
Rin: *types on laptop and suddenly Kagome is gone*
Sango: ITS NOT MIROKUS HOUSE ITS MY HOUSE
Kagome: Technically now it's both of yous house
Sango: yeah but his name isn't on the lease... Oh god are we gonna be sleeping in the same bed now?
Kagome: THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MARRIED...BESIDES FUCKING!
Sango: WELL WE HAVENT FUCKED YET MIND YOU
Kagome: HERE HAVE THIS! *throws box at you*
Sango: what's this?
Kagome: It's a picture of Yashie now that he has a dildo up his ass
Sango: where is he anyways?
Kagome: Where I was... Which was at apparently Hooters
Kagome: Wait... GET OUT OF THERE YOU GOD DAMN MUTT
Sango: where's kirara?
Kagome: How should I know
Sango: WE CANT BE MISSING KIRARA AND SHIPPO AT THE SAME TIME!
Kagome: Wait... My Shippo senses are tingling
Kagome: He's in the tree next to your bedroom window
Sango: *puts whole heads outside bedroom window* KAGOME SHIPPO AND KIRARA ARE KISSING IN A TREE
Kagome: WHAT! SHIPPO YOUR GROUNDED
Panda:((You're supposed to say k-i-s-s-i-n-g
Shippo: *pulls back from kissing* FUCK YOU MOMMY
Kagome: WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUNG MAN?!
Sango: Kirara you're grounded too!
Kirara: *grumbles* fine, but as long as I'm still alive shippo will stay as a seventeen year old
Kagome: YOU STUPID NEKO BITCH FUCKING FUCK YOU STRAIGHT UP THE ASSHOLE!
Panda:((I had a really dirty response to that but I decided not to use it
Shippo: *starts crying* IM JUST A KID AND LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE
Kirara: *falls through a random trap door in the floor*
-TO BE CONTINUED-