Crazy Girls
Chapter 35: IM LEAVIN' BISH!
Miroku: *bursts in the room and starts singing* Hey baby girl whatcha doin tonight, I wanna see whatcha got in store!
Sango: *punches Miroku square in the face* sorry... There was a mosquito -.-
Kagome: Did he steal my stash? *goes wide-eyed and runs to her bedroom* Where the hell is it?! *screams* DAMNIT HE DID STEAL MY STASH!
Sango: I'm afraid to ask but what stash
Kagome: MY CANDY STASH GOD DAMNIT! I HAVE COOKIE WITH A SUPER HIGH SUGAR CONCENTRATION THAT CAN EVEN GIVE A DEMON A SUGAR HIGH AND THEY'RE FUCKING GONE! PREPARE TO DIE MONK!
Sango: Kagome he's already unconscious we can just look for your stash by going through his stuff
Kagome: I found another Playboy magazine with your face taped into the models' faces... And something about the mafia... He said was getting a drug shipment from this Kansuke person, but all it said was X-Lax and condoms
Sango: oh I've seen all that before; I'll just give him a good... talking to...
Yashie: Oh yeah. He definitely stole your stash, babe...
Kagome: Like I didn't know that already... Stupid dog...
Ayame: *still fully clothed and poking the unconscious Miroku with a stick*
Sango: Ayame how did you get in my house
Ayame: The trap door
Sango: which one..?
Ayame: The one near the fridge..
Kagome: DAMNIT I FORGOT THERE'S A CAKE IN THAT FRIDGE! *runs out of the room*
House: *crash!*
Ayame: What was that?
Sango: *sigh* probably my soul trying to escape
Kagome: I'M OKAY! FORGOT ABOUT THE TRAP DOOR! BUT I GOT THE CAKE!
Yashie: My wife is on drugs... *deadpan*
Kagome: SHUT UP PUPPY! DO YOU WANT THE DILDO AGAIN?!
Sango: ALRIGHT THATS IT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IVE HAD ENOUGH
Kagome: Do I have to leave too?
Sango: Miroku can stay cuz he's unconscious
Kagome: *puppy ears droop and she drags everyone besides the knocked out monk out of Sango's house*
Sango: you can come back tomorrow but not rn k?
Sango: *lies down on the bed facing the ceiling with hands behind her head*
Narrator: At Kagome's Penthouse!
Kagome: *walks on hardwood floor then it gives out* Hey what's-KYA!
Shippo: What was that..?
Kirara: No clue *snuggles closer to Shippo's still seventeen year old body*
Kag: FUCK! I FELL DOWN A RABBIT HOLE! But there's no rabbit!
Yashie: *yells down the hole* you okay sweetie?
Kag: DO I SOUND OKAY?!
Shippo: Do the Life-Alert thing!
Kag: Bastard.. Fine.. HELP! I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!
Miroku: *springs up* My somebody has fallen down a hole senses are burning!
Sango: umm...what
Miroku: It's Kagome. She fell down a hole in her penthouse.. Why the hell was a hole inside her place?
Sango: why are there so many holes here? Nobody knows
Panda: ((Fyi if you wanna make a joke about holes this is the time
Miroku: What kind of holes my dear?
Sango: deep ones... They aren't even supposed to be here! *totally oblivious to the joke*
Miroku: *deciding to have fun with her for a bit* Really *pretending to be surprised* How deep?
Sango: deep enough for people to get stuck in them all the time
Sango's phone: *rings*
Sango: *answers it* what do you want
Kagome: Don't fall for it! He's using a dirty joke trick! He's fucking with your mind!
Sango: *blushes* how did you know? *glares at Miroku*
Kagome: Baby monitor! Wait a minute, I've had my phone this whole time and I never called for help?!
Kagome: IVE BEEN STUCK IN A RABBIT HOLE FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES NOW!
Sango: wait why do you have a baby monitor in my bedroom?!
Kagome: No reason~!
Sango: if you want help you've gotta tell me first
Kag: Fine.. I placed it when I was drunk.. I guess I though I was your mother again, so I wanted to make sure you were being a good girl..
Kag: Hey chocolate! *puts chocolate in her mouth* Wait this tastes like dirt... And no I'm not lying.
Yashie: My wife ate dirt..
Shippo: WELL NOW SHE HAS A REAL DIRTY MOUTH!
Sango: *sigh* I'm coming to get you but don't eat anymore dirt *hangs up*
Kag: *spits out the dirt* Man I hate life...
Sango: *arrives at the penthouse leaving Miroku alone in her house* what the fuck Kagome how is there even dirt in your penthouse if you're not at ground level?!
Kagome: *out of the hole* So now that that's over... Yashie wanna do it on the moon?
Yashie: Wouldn't we die? Ya know from no air?
Sango: yeah umm can I leave now?
Kag: *pouts* yeah you can go
Sango: *gets home*eyes go wide* MIROKU WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE ROSE PETALS ALL OVER MY FLOOR I JUST VACUUMED
Miroku: LET'S CONCUMATE OUR MARRIAGE DARLING!
Sango: where the fuck are you anyways...? *follows a trail of petals upstairs cautiously*
Miroku: In your room darling
Miroku: *wearing a santini, complete with the hat* Hi love
Baby monitor: *catching everything from secret location*
Sango: *covers eyes* WHAT THE FUCK
Miroku: Do you not like it? The clerk at the store said it would excite my lover.
Sango: Miroku if you wanted to have sex with me you could just ask! Have you ever thought of that?
Miroku: I wanted to be one of those 'rambunctious' lovers
Sango: oh trust me you are
Miroku: *springs up* REALLY?!
Sango: okay can we just forget this happened because I would like to
Roku: Fine
Narrator: OVER AT KAGOME'S PENTHOUSE!
Yashie: Got any fives?
Kirara: Go fish, pup
Yashie: Damn..
Kag: Any threes?
Shippo: *groans and hands over two*
Narrator: Apparently Kagome's kick-ass poker skills also applied in Go Fish
Naraku: *pops up in the middle of the table shrouded by mist* HAI BISHES
Kag: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ROTTING UNDER THE BED TO LATER BE CONSUMED BY FOUR YEAR OLDS!
Naraku: Well now I'm not. WHO LIVES IN A PINAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?!
Shippo: SPONGEBOB SQUA- was I not supposed to respond to that
Yashie: *slaps ducktaped on Shippo's mouth* I thought I told you to zip it!
Kirara: *whispers to shippo* don't worry; that duct tape could come in handy later
Kagome: STATUTORY RAPE!
Shippo: Kagome I'm like fifty even though my real body looks about five and my body now looks 17
Kag: UNDERAGE!
Shippo: FIFTY IS NOT UNDERAGE
Kag: IT IS IN MY BOOK
Kirara: how is he speaking if there's duct tape over his mouth
Shippo: *starts crying* YOULL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME MOM *goes to room and slams door*
Kag: I'm a bad mother... *in her special dark corner*
Kirara: Kagome are you tired of Shippo being 17 because I think I am...
Yashie: Yeah she and I both are, turn him back
Kirara: I mean this has been fun... The thing is I think I would have to change back too...
Kag: *out of her depression* Sango can still understand you
Kirara: well I was just thinking... I want to take a vacation. I can change Shippo back and stay in human form, I just wouldn't want to be around Shippo if I'm still human
Yashie: Do it. I feel like I'm in a midlife crisis
Kirara: alright fine! I'll change Shippo back and go somewhere by myself! Maybe I'll go to California, or New York City, or Paris!
Kag: Find a hot guy to screw
Kirara: thank you for saying that!
Kag: I mean...shit.. *depression mode on*
Kirara: I have to say goodbye to Sango...
Kag: *transports you to Sango's place using Rin's weird computer*
Kirara: SANGO IM LEAVING!
Miroku: By Buddha, Kirara, a little volume change would be nice
Sango: Kirara what do you mean you're leaving?
Kirara: I'm going to New York City! Also I've decided to change Shippo back to normal
Miroku: So he's not a teenage nightmare anymore?
Kirara: *shuts eyes really tight for like ten seconds then opens them* not anymore!
Miroku: at least the nightmare is over