Crazy Girls
Chapter 37: Miroku, You Fool!
Narrator: Now two months later!-
Narrator: Ksgome is about two months pregnant and is not going easy on her mate!
Kagome: I swear to god if you speak I'll fucking kill you
Narrator: meanwhile Sango and Miroku are still living together and still haven't... You get the idea
Narrator(Fire): AND MIROKU HAS BLUE BALLS!
Narrator(Panda): WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
Fire: ((IT MEANS SANGO ISN'T LETTING MIROKU GET DAT ASS!
Panda: ((It's only because Miroku can't keep it simple
Sango: Roku I'm worried about Kirara; she left two months ago and I haven't heard a word from her! And last night I had a dream that she became a stripper and is making like thousands of dollars every day
Fire: ((Hang on
Panda: ((To what?
Fire: ((Roku's dick
Panda: ((I CANT ITS TOO SMALL
Panda: ((jk it's probably bigger than my house bUT ANYWAYS
Miroku: Sango, love, I'm sure Kirara is fine. If you're so worried then call Kagome and tell her to contact Kirara
Sango: I don't think even Kagome could contact her though
Kagome: YOU DOUBT ME?! BITCH!
Sango: THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD TRACK HER DOWN IS SHE-WHO-CANNOT-BE-NAMED AND I DONT WANT HER TEARING UP MY HOUSE
Kagome: I INHERITED HER POWERS! *tree grows in Kagome's penthouse and she tears it to bits with a chainsaw*
Sango: the only way to 'inherit' her power would be by defeating her, and I KNOW you didn't do that
Miroku: Sango we should go out to dinner tonight
Sango: why? We've gone out to dinner every night for the past two months where do we even get our income?!
Kagome: He's a mob boss
Kagome: YOU WOULDN'T KILL A PREGNANT WOMAN WOULD YOU?!
Miroku: whatever are you talking about Kagome
Kagome: Your fucking drug shipment two months ago with this Kansuke dumbass
Miroku: how come I don't remember that...
Kagome: *grins* Don't know...
Sango: miroku's on drugs..?
Kagome: Nope. The red bottle
Kagome: Think back to the casinos in Vegas Roku
Miroku: what does that have to do with a drug shipment?
Kagome: ... *whispers into earpiece* I've been figured out. Mission abandoned. *jumps out a window*
Sango: Miroku, think. Didn't you get a bunch of money once two months ago? And you've been getting checks in the mail...
Miroku: I never thought of that
Sango: *sighs* as long as we have money...
Yashie: WHERE IS MY MATE YOU FUCKERS?!
Miroku: She thinks she's a secret agent and jumped out a window
*suddenly Sango's house is surrounded by noise*
Miroku: Did she call the cops?
Sango: *looks out the window* nope, it looks like there are about a million women outside with heart-eyes...?
Kagome: FUCK FUCK FUCK! MISSION FAIL! OPEN UP AGENT SANGO GIVE ME PROTECTION
Sango: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
Miroku: I can't be sure, but I think that maybe word got out that I was married...
Sango: what
Kagome: AHHH! DONT HURT A PREGNANT WOMAN! YASHIE HELP!
Yashie: GET THE FUCK OFF MY MATE!
Shippo: What? Should I join in?! FUCKING SAVAGE!
Sango: JUST TELEPORT INSIDE JEEZ
Kagome: *teleports*
Miroku: I think we're going to have to take a rain check on those dinner plans...
Kagome: NO SHIT
Sango: MIROKU WHY ARE ALL OF THESE WOMEN HERE?!
Miroku: umm... Heheh... O Oi
Kagome: BECAUSE HE GROPED THEM IN HIGH SCHOOL
Miroku: something like that
Sango: DID YOU ACTUALLY SLEEP WITH ALL OF THESE WOMEN
Miroku: not all of them...
Sango: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
Kagome: OH MY GOD! *runs outside* GO THE FUCK AWAY! ROKU'S TAKEN YOU FUCKIN HOES!
Kagome: OH MY GOD! *runs outside* GO THE FUCK AWAY! ROKU'S TAKEN YOU FUCKIN HOES!
Sango: KAGOME YOULL DIE OUT THERE!
Kagome: I'LL BLOW YOU ALL TO PLUTO YOU SLUTS!
Sango: *runs upstairs and opens a window* ATTENTION!
Kagome: *suddenly bawling her eyes out* SANGO CHAN!
Sango: what?!
Kagome: I CAN'T ST-STOP CRYING
Sango: *sigh* COME INSIDE
Kagome: *bolts up and ends up with her face in Sango's boobs*
Sango: *hugs Kagome and yells out the window* WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOURE ALL HERE?!
Girl: ROKY MY LOVE
Kag: HE'S NOT YOURS
Sango: shhh Kagome calm down *yells out window* MIROKU IS ACTUALLY MARRIED TO ME. YOU ALL NEED TO LEAVE
Kagome: YEAH SO YOU FUCKING WHORES CAN LEAVE!
Sango: shhhhhhhhhhhh
Kagome: Sango? Can we get chocolate covered hot dogs?
Sango: after the mob leaves, sweetie
Sango: YOU ALL NEED TO GET THE FUCK OFF MY PROPERTY BEFORE I CALL THE COPS
Miroku: *hiding in the bathroom*
Sango: Miroku get over here they'll only listen to you!
Miroku: *whimpers but complies* You all need to leave, I'm married.
Girl: you can't be married!
Miroku: *shows ring* Yea I am
Roku: To my lovely Sango
Sango: yeah, he's married to ME! *shows ring also*
Shippo: SO GET FUCKING LOST!
Kagome: SHIPPO!
Sango: *high-fives Shippo*
Kagome: DONT CONDONE HIS BEHAVIOR!
Girl: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU DONE IT WITH EACH OTHER?
Kag: TWELVE TIMES OVER THE COURSE OF TWO WEEKS!
Girl: you're lying!
Kag: I DON'T CARE IF I'M PREGNANT ILL BEAT YOUR STUPID FUCKIN ASS!
Girl: you wanna go, fattie?!
Kag: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME YOU FUCKIN SLUT?!
Inuyasha: *shows up wielding tetsusaiga* WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL MY WIFE?!
Kag: I'LL TEAR YOUR FUCKIN ASS UP TO HELL YOU STUPID BITCH I DATE YOU TO TRY ME YOU GOD DAMN BITCH!
Miroku: If any of you can't see, this man up here has a sword three times as big as any of you and he has no morals so I suggest that you all run...
Kag: AND YOU CALLED HIS MATE A FATTIE!
*various whispers from below*
Girl: we're not leaving!
Kag: GET THE FUCK OFF SANGO AND ROKU'S LAWN BEFORE I MAKE YASHIE TAKE A GIANT SHIT ON YOURS!
Sango: they're not even scared... What are we gonna do?!
Kag: *growls then pulls out flame thrower* I'LL BURN THEIR TITS AND HAIR TO SHIT!
Sango: WHAT DO THEY EVEN WANT FROM US?!
Kag: THEY WANT ROKU'S DICK! THEY ALL WANT ROKU'S DICK!
Sango: ROKU DO SOMETHING OR ILL... ILL DIVORCE YOU AND YOULL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM YOURSELF
Miroku: DONT LEAVE ME!
Mob: *starts chanting* DIVORCE! DIVORCE! DIVORCE! DIVORCE!
Miroku: *really uncharateristicly* GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!
Mob: *chanting* DICK! DICK! DICK! DICK!
Kag: I SWEAR TO GOD! *whistles* FLUFFY! HERE BOY! FLUUUUUFFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYY!
Sesshy: what woman
Kag: WE HAD A DEAL! AFTER I TOOK RINS WEIRD POWERS YOU SAID IN YOUR OWN WAY THAT YOU WERE GRATEFUL! TIME TO PAY UP!
Sesshy: *starts throwing lightning at the crowd*
Mob: *cheering*
Sesshy: *mumbles* ignorant females...
Sango: okay...trying something new... *full on make-out session with Miroku in the window*
Kag: WOOOT! GO SANGO!
Miroku: *gives Kagome a thumbs up still kissing Sango*
Sango: *stops and yells out the window* HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE FUCKERS
Girls: *fawning over Fluffy* HE'S MINE!
Kagura: NO HE'S MINE!
Rin: *appears in the sky* HANDS OFF BITCH
*cop cars surround the mob*
Sango: oh now what?!
Kag: FUCK! *grabs Sango, Roku, and the rest of her fucked up posse then disappears*
Shippo: guys I called the police because of the mob
Kag: IM A FUGITIVE YA KNOW!
Sango: YOU SHOULDNT BE YELLING IT ALOUD THEN SHOULD YOU
Kag: WE'RE IN A DIFFERENT DIMENSION! I CAN SCREAM ALL I FUCKING WANT!
Sango: TAKE US HOME! I DONT CARE IF YOU ARE BUT IM NOT A FUGITIVE
Kag: Fine. *Roku and Sango are back in their house but the fangirls and cops are gone*
Kag, Yashie, and everyone else: *at Kags' penthouse*
Miroku: it's like it never happened...
Sango: it definitely happened
Miroku: Sango why so mad...? O Oi
Door: *gets knocked on*
Sango: now who could that be...
Kirara: What the hell happened here?
Sango: KIRARA OMG!
Kirara: Yeah I finished traveling... And screwing guys..
Kirara: So anyways what the hell happened? It looks like Kagome got into a fight with some bitches, and Shippo called the police...
Sango: a mob of Miroku fan girls surrounded the house and we couldn't get them to leave
Kirara: Thought so. I knew the hot dogs covered in chocolate were Kagome's
Sango: so how was your vacation?!
Miroku: we should all go out to dinner to celebrate your return!
Sango: why are you obsessed with going to dinner?!
Kirara: vacation was fine.
Sango: that's all you have to say? Never mind I don't think I want to know...
Kirara: It's like Kagome's little trip to Fiji. It's not mentioned
Sango: okay then...
Miroku: OH LOOK ITS ALMOST DINNER TIME WE SHOULD GO OUT TO DINNER
Kirara: Monk raise your voice again and you won't have one
Miroku: but then I won't be able to scream when-
Sango: can it.
Kirara: Thank you Sango
Miroku: so anyways lets go out to dinner
Sango: Miroku calm down!
Kirara: I WILL tie him up if he says that one more time
Miroku: well I just thought we should celebrate Kirara's return! You can pick any place you want!
Sango: is there something you're not telling me because we've been going out to dinner every night
Miroku: Sango I assure you that there's nothing going on
Sango: I didn't ask what was going on, I asked if you weren't telling me something. Don't try to avoid my inquiries
Kirara: *whispers to herself* This is better than any soap opera
Miroku: there's nothing to tell
Sango: alright, then let's stay home
Miroku: *twitches*
Sango: is there a problem?
Miroku: no. None at all...
Kirara: Soo entertaining
Kagome: YASHIE IM HUNGRY!
Yashie: What am I supposed to do about it?
Kagome: *growls then shoves Yashie into a bathroom and locks the door*
Yashie: Hey get that the fu-KYAAAAA! *all goes silent
Yashie: *wals out proper and shit again* Could someone be so kind as to explain what happened here?
Kagome: Baby I'm getting a craving... Can we go to this one baby store? It has chocolate covered hot dogs.
Yashie: Of course dear.
Kag and Yashie: *disapear thanks to Rin's old laptop*
Miroku: Sango, can we please please please just go out to dinner tonight?! I promise I'll tell you what's going on afterwards!
Sango: so there is something going on?
Miroku: just do this one thing, pleeeeease?!
Kirara: GET HIM TO SHUT UP PLEASE!
Sango: FINE WE CAN GO OUT TO DINNER! gosh...
Miroku: allllrighty then
Kirara: THANK THE LORD! *teleports everyone to a fucking Pizza Hut*
Miroku: Pizza Hut? Really...?
Sango: Kirara gets to pick since we're celebrating her. Besides, there's nothing wrong with Pizza Hut...
Kirara: YEAH FUCK YOU MONK
Kirara: Oh my god I'm taking after Kagome
Sango: you'll have to be more careful
Kirara: Please hope there are no pitfalls or something.. I have a hunch that Kagome's gone here
Waitress: *comes over* can I take your order, Miroku?
Sango: wait a second, you're that girl who was leading that mob earlier!
Kirara: Do I need to call Lord Sesshomaru?
Kirara: Or Kagome? Or both?
Miroku: let's not start any conflict...
Waitress: Can I take your order?
Kirara: Yes, I'd like A NEW FUCKING WAITRESS !
Waitress: Can I take your order?
Kirara: Is that all you know how to say? Are you dumb?
Waitress: Can I take your order? *hand falls off, revealing robot insides*
Kagome: *from random place* I KNEW IT!
Kirara: Well this is...interesting...
Miroku: um, excuse me, someone, we need a new waitress ours isn't real
Manager: THAT STUPID SLACKER MADE A ROBOT COPY SO SHE COULD GO MAKE OUT WITH HER BOYFRIEND!
Manager: I'm sorry for the inconvience everyone
Sango: *sigh* could we just get some normal service please?
Manager: Certainly ma'am. *grabs waitress* Take their orders will you Satsuki?
Satsuki: oh ok! Can I take your order?
Everyone: *looks at eachother*
Kirara: I CALL DOUBLE CHEESE!
Miroku: could we get some of your finest champagne?
Satski: um, sir, this is Pizza Hut...
Kirara: NO MORE BOOZE! He'll have some Sprite.
Kirara: I'll have a Coke, and you Sango?
Sango: I'll have a Diet Coke, thanks!
Satsuki: will that be all?
Kirara: Breadsticks? What about you and this dummy's pizza?
Satsuki: well usually people only get one pizza total...
Kirara: Well the man here eats like a bear and I'm a youkai... And Sango just doesn't share her pizza... Sometimes..
Satsuki: alright...
Sango: I'll have a pepperoni pizza
Miroku: I'll take pepperoni as well
Kirara: As I said the double cheese is mine. And we'll also have a basket of breadsticks.
-moments later-
Everyone: *gets their fucking pizza and starts devouring it*
Sango: *is already done*
Miroku: FUCIFNGHDIIHHJ DUDURBDDKDF
Kirara: Miroku you fool, don't talk with your mouth full!
Sango: I'll be right back *heads to the ladies room*
Sango: *comes running back out* GUYS THERES SOME MAGICAL PORTAL SHIT OR SOMETHING BACK THERE
Kirara: I KNEW IT!
All three: *race to the fucking bathroom and into the fucking portal*
Kirara: HOLY FUCK!
TBC