Crazy Girls
Episode 39: Second Thoughts and Verbal Shots: PARIS
Panda: ((Oh btw did we ever mention Kohaku bc I was gonna say that he like went off to college or something since we haven't mentioned him in forever
Fire: ((He's living in Venasulia with Souta. Both idiots moved out after the excorsicm cause they didn't wanna deal with the crazy shit...
Panda: ((ok...
Kagome: *runs into Sangos bedroom* BITCH I JUST WON FUCKING TICKETS TO PARIS!
Sango: OMG OMG OMG!
Miroku: DO THEY HAVE PEANUTS ON THE PLANE?!
Sango: WHO CARES?! WERE GOING TO PARIS!
Miroku: IM HUNGRY. Wait... *runs downstairs and reheats a BLT from lunch and eats it*
Kag: idiot
Sango: *grabs Kagome's shirt collar and shakes her* KAGOME I CANT GET MARRIED OMG
Kag: *dizzily* W-Why
Sango: B-BECAUSE!
Kag: You're already hitched
Sango: I know, but it didn't feel REAL! This is REAL and I can't do it!
Kag: Then tell the moron downstairs to start acting like a real husband
Sango: no that isn't it! I don't want to be married!
Kag: Why not?
Sango: BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER!
Kag: Huh? I don't understand... And I'M supposed to be the hormonal wreck.
Sango: well yesterday I was at McDonalds cuz I was hungry after doing some shopping, and I saw this guy and let me tell you he was like the hottest guy ever like I couldn't breathe
Kag: I thought that you thought that Roky was breathtakingly hot
Sango: yeah but like not breathtaking like this guy!
Kag: Do you have a picture?
Sango: pfffft no... *pulls out her phone and shows you*
Miroku: *walks in* What's that?
Sango: *screaming*
-four days later/on the plane-
Kagome: GET THIS KID TO STOP KICKING ME SEAT!
Kag: IT'S LIKE THE TRIP TO VEGAS ALL OVER AGAIN!
Miroku: hey Sango you wanna do it in the bathroom?
Sango: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT EVERY TIME
Kag: CAUSE HE'S GOT BLUE BALLS!
Sango: SHUT UP KAGOME
Yashie: *already asleep and drooling*
Kag: *mumbles cuss words and snuggles up to Yashie who unconsciously shifts to accommodate her bettering*
Miroku: aren't they so cute
Sango: *staring into space* huh? Oh, yeah
Shippo: SAVAG-*is silenced by Yashie*
Yashie: Your mother is trying to sleep. *goes back to sleep*
Sango: wait Shippo came with us...?
Kag: *wakes up* he's been here the whole time..
Sango: I haven't really been paying attention
Kag: GET OFF MY MAN YOU SLUT! *yelling at flight attendant*
Flight attendant: *is practically sprawled on Yashie*
Kag: SHE'S DRAPING HER WHORISH ASS ALL OVER MY MAN!
Yashie: Ma'am kindly get off, I have a wife and a child on the way
Flight attendant: *is the girl from Miroku's obsessive mob/waitress from Pizza Hut*
Flight attendant: tell me everything you know
Kag: Fuck you. *knocks her unconscious*
Kag: Who knew a preggers woman could lay her ass out?
Miroku: we can't just have a knocked out flight attendant in the middle of the plane
Kag: I can solve this. *grabs the woman and some guy flight attendant and shoves them in the bathroom locking the door* There. All solved.
Miroku: but that means that the bathroom is taken for the whole flight!
Sango: MIROKU WERE NEVER GONNA DO IT IN THE PLANE BATHROOM
Miroku: BUT WHAT IF I HAVE TO GO PEE PEE?!
Kag: *chucks a diaper at him* Use that
Narrator: SKIPPING TO THE PLANE LANDING!
Miroku: ENGLISH LANGUAGE~!
Kag: WE'RE IN FRANCE MORON!
Sango: *somehow speaking fluent French*
Miroku: Sango you're so sexy when you speak French omg
Sango: why are you talking like a teenage girl
Kag: Because the diaper is cutting off blood circulation. Which means he's also losing blood going to his brain
Kag: *in a professor outfit* I'MA SEXY PROFESSOR...WHO'SPREGNANT!
Sango: GUYS THEY LOST MY FUCKING LUGGAGE AGAIN
Kag: Well... I kinda saw this coming... *has a duffle bag and chucks it at Sango* I kinda thought ahead..
Sango: Merci Kagome!
Kag: No problem.. *totally can't understand French*
Miroku: where should we go first? This is supposed to be the most romantic city...
Kag: If you say the boats on the river I swear I'm going to kill you cause those are in Italy.
Miroku: that's Venice, and I was thinking more like fancy cafes
Sango: we should probably get to the hotel first...
Kag: Sango, you can speak French. Call a cab
Sango: you don't need to know French to call a cab...
Kag: You gotta tell them where to go in French DUH!
Sango: *calls a cab and all that shit*
Kag: THE CABBIE IS RYUUKOSUSEI?!
Ryuu: fuck
Kag: I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD TOO!
Ryuu: Why are you screaming?
Miroku: She's pregnant
Sango: can you just get us to the hotel before she claims another victim
Kag: SPARTA!
-after much unnecessary banter and death threats they finally arrive at the hotel-
Kag: WELL FUCK YOU TOO! *screams as cab pulls away*
Miroku: well that went...well...
Yashie: No kidding...
Kag: *screaming at secretary* I WON A FUCKING CONTEST WHERE'S MY ROOM AND SHIT?!
Sango: *calmly translates in French*
Kag: I WILL RULE NARNIA!
Miroku: Please shut her up. Inuyasha your wife is giving me a headache
Yashie: *kisses her*
Yashie: well that was the most innocent kiss we've had in a long time
Kag: Yeah... Feels weird...
Kag: You didn't give me a green bottle did you..?
Yashie: No yellow. Whyy?
Kag:...No reason.. *passes out*
Sango: *gets the room keys* guys there are people waiting in line behind us
Yashie: *has Kags passed out in his arms and follows Sango*
Miroku: *carrying all of their bags* thanks for the help...
Yashie: My wife is passed out and pregnant. I can't help
Miroku: Sango?
Sango: do you even want to think of having sex in a Paris hotel room?
Miroku: *walks faster*
-awkward elevator sequence-
Yashie: POTATOES
-after they get to the rooms which are across the hall from each other and unpack-
Yashie: *places Kag down on the bed*
Miroku: so, my dearest; what shall we accomplish first?
Sango: you're certainly in a good mood...
Kag: CADET STAND AT ATTENTION!
Miroku: let's go do some cliche romantic shit!
Kag: ROMANCE ISN'T CLICHE
Sango: ROMANCE IS ALWAYS CLICHE
Kag: NO IT ISN'T
Sango: okay fine; cliche Paris shit
Kag: Time for a nap
Miroku: we just got here!
Kagome: GOODNIGHT
Miroku: I guess it's just me and you Sango...unless Inuyasha wants to tag along...
Yashie: *passed out cuddling Kag*
Miroku: great!
Sango: uhuh...
Kag: *suddenly springs up and scares the living fuck out of Miroku* YO SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'M GONNA MOLLYWHOP YOU BITCH!
Miroku: gahh! Go back to sleep...
Kag: NOPE!
Kag: I WANT PIZZA!
Sango: if you aren't going to sleep then we should all do something together!
Yashie: WELL I AIN'T NEVER, BEEN THE BARBIE GIRL TYPE! I CAN'T SWIG THAT SWEET CHAMPAGNE ID RATED DRINK BEER A NIGHT!
Yashie: IM A REDNECK WOMAN I AIN'T NO HIGH CLASS BROAD!
Kag: I MARRIED A WOMAN?! WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW THE HELL AM I PREGNANT THEN?!
Miroku: right... So what should we do...?
Yashie: COSMETICS STAND!
Kag: *slaps him...or...her?*
Kag: FOOD COURT! Let's stuff our faces!
Yashie: Stuff? Faces? Why would I do that? I am classy. Too classy to do that
Kag: Uhh...Baby golf?
Shippo: Is that a thing?
Kag: IT IS IN PORTUGAL!
Yashie: But Cassandra~! We're not IN Portugal!
Kag: STOP TALKING LIKE A VALLEY GIRL!
Sango: OK THATS IT! WERE GOING TO GO DO SOME TOURIST SHIT AND THEN EAT AT A FANCY CAFE LIKE REAL PARIS TOURISTS AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT
Kag: Kay! *all cheerful*
Kag: *mouth watering* I wonder if the café has chocolate covered hot dogs... *practically drooling*
Sango: *satisfied smirk*
Kag: *cheerful grin* Yashie, Roku; hurry up or you'll be left behind!
Miroku: *runs up and puts arm around Sango's waist* ready for some chocolate hotdogs *salutes Kagome*
Kag: YES CADET!
Sango: *also salutes*
Kag: Yashie hurry up or you'll get left behind!
Yashie: *runs clumsily and falls down*
Kag: *laughing hysterically*
Yashie: *salutes more clumsily*
Miroku: let's go do some tourist shit!
Kag: TOURIST SHIT!
Shippo: Kagome, something doesn't smell right with you.
Kag: ARE YOU SAYIN I STINK?!
Shippo: No I meant that there's a scent that is new. Not the one from the baby, a different one
Miroku: care to explain, Kagome?
Kagome: I don't smell anything
Yashie: It smells like... The fuck?!
Yashie: I found the scent of RedBull and rum
Kag: I haven't drank anything in three months. Maybe two
Yashie: So why do you smell like Red Bull and rum?
-TBC-