Crazy Girls
Chapter 44: Paris is Overrated
(aaaand continued)
Yashie: Sango, how the fuck do you calm her down?
Sango: she just REALLY wants to see your sex robot
Kagome: *pouts* Hey! And you desperately wanna see Roky's sexatron!
Sango: pffffffFfFfFffFfffFTt no I don't!
Rin: *super confused* What's sex?
Sesshy: STOP TALKING!
Rin: BUT I WANT SEX!
Sesshy: *grabs Rin by the back of her shirt and drags her away from the scene, mumbling something about a bad influence*
Rin: LEMME GO
Kagome: Finally
Kagome: Now we can say shit and fuck and not have to listen to Sesshy bitch until he's blue in the face
Yashie: You would've done that anyway
Kagome: Yeah but it's less of a hassle now.
Sango: so, are we finding these sex robots or not? I think I can find the location in the journal...
Kagome: Pervert senses are tingling. Sango, three o'clock.
Sango: *jabs Miroku in the face without hesitation, once again rendering him unconscious*
((Panda: Wait
Sango: *jabs Miroku in the face with her elbow without hesitation, rendering him once again unconscious*
Kagome: Pervert down
Inuyasha: wait, wasn't he tied up?! How did he get out?!
Sango: *goes red* no reason
Kagome: The magic of perversion
Yashie: That's not magic
Kagome: Yes it is
Yashie: No, no it isn't
Kagome: *slowly turns to him, eyes cold and daring him* Are you...defying me?
Yashie: *actually stands up for himself instead of shying away like usual* maybe I am, but perversion isn't magic
Kagome: *gives him enormous death glare* Did I hear you right?
Everyone else: *watching while eating popcorn*
Inuyasha: *eyes all shifty* yes, you heard me perfectly clear
Kagome: *grabs him and drags him into the bathroom, a duffle bag in her other hand*
Bathroom door: *slams*
Sango: *mutters* here we go again...
Yashie: Wait! Wait! I-I didn't mean it! No! NOO-
Miroku: *suddenly conscious again turns to Sango* we're finally alone
Kagome: *walks out with a calm smirk*
Miroku: DAMNIT
Sango: *turns head mechanically and death glares Miroku, fire in her eyes*
Miroku: *pounds the floor with his fist* NOOOO! I finally had alone time with my beloved Sango and you ruined it!
Kagome: I. Don't. Care.
Sango: *takes a step toward Miroku*
Yashie: *walks out of bathroom wearing professional looking suit, hair tied neatly into a ponytail and straightening his tie* Hello, dear friends. Honey, should I start dinner?
Miroku: *gleefully* HE'S GOT THE DILDO UP HIS—*stops and notices Sango; shrinks in size*
Sango: *turns back to Kagome with a normal expression* weren't we about to go find some sex robots?
-skipping passed useless dialogue between Fire and Panda because Fire had to copy and paste from Messenger into her notes on her phone-
Kagome: Sure why not
Kagome: Yashie, stay home and make dinner
Yashie: Of course, sweetheart
Miroku: *snorts* Sweetheart
Miroku: *snorts* Sweetheart...
Kagome: *turns to him* Do you know how it feels to have a dildo up your ass?
Miroku: *looks away* that's classified information
Kagome: I don't even wanna know
Yashie: Was it the santini, dear friend?
Sango: *is bored of conversation and starts flipping through the secret journal which she still has*
Kagome: *looks with her
Miroku: *gulps*
Sango: *eyes widen* what the fuck is this?
Kagome: THE HELL MIROKU
Miroku: what the fuck is what, darling?
Kagome: THIS YOU DUMB FUCK
Sango: *holds up a page of the journal which shows her own face taped onto a tuna fish wearing a bikini*
Kagome: Miroku, do you have psychological issues?
Miroku: *goes pale* that's nothing! Don't look at that!
Kagome: If it's there, it's not nothing
Sango: *flips the page to reveal a photo of Sango's naked body but her head is replaced with that of a fish*
Sango: THIS IS EVEN WEIRDER
Kagome: Burn it
Miroku: Just give it back to me! Please! I beg of you! You don't want to see what else is in there!
Kagome: *grabs the book from Sango, holding it away from her*
Kagome: *looking through it*
Sango: damnit Kagome! That's my property!
Kagome: Finders keepers, losers weepers
Sango: *tackles her to the ground* IF ANYONE IS GONNA EXPOSE MY HUSBAND'S SECRETS ITS GONNA BE ME HOE
Kagome: *eyes get wider and wider as she flips to each page*
Sango: *rips it out of her hand* BITCH
Kagome: KEEP IT
Kagome: *hides under her bed*
Sango: *clutches the book to her chest in horror* I'm just gonna...keep this safe...and probably not look through it because I really don't want to know anymore
Kagome: *loudly sobbing from under the bed*
Miroku: please, Sango. Don't look in there. I beg of you.
Sango: I won't. But you're not getting it back, and if I see you writing in a journal ever again I will burn it
Kagome: JUST PLAIN BURN IT
Sango: I NEED IT FOR BLACKMAIL
Kagome: IT'S PURE EVIL
Sango: YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOURE GONNA NEED TO BLACKMAIL YOUR HUSBAND KAGOME, YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS
Kagome: I DON'T USE BLACKMAIL TO SCREW WITH MY HUSBAND, I USE A DILDO!
Sango: YOU CHOOSE PHYSICAL DISCOMFORT, I CHOOSE MENTAL
Kagome: PHYSICAL IS BETTER! IT LASTS LONGER!
Sango: ONLY IF YOU LEAVE THE DILDO IN FOR A LONG TIME
Kagome: How would you know?
Miroku: *stares at Sango suspiciously*
Sango: IT ISNT DIFFICULT TO ASSUME
Kagome: *stares at her from under the bed* It just...it sounded like you knew from personal experience...
Sango: I PROMISE YOU I DO NOT. I HAVE NEVER HAD A DILDO SHOVED UP MY ASS
Small child from outside the window: mommy, what's a dildo?
Mother outside: HAVE YOU NO SHAME?!
Mother: *grabs child's hand and drags them away, muttering about uncouth teenagers these days*
Kagome: Also, I never said it was up the ass
Miroku: *watching Sango with a hurt, betrayed look on his face, puppy-dog-eyes on full display*
Kagome: Get over it you little sissy
((Fire: Wait
Kagome: Get over it you little p*ssy
((Fire: Should I uncensor that?
((Panda: you've never censored anything before
((Fire: True...
Kagome: Get over it, pussy
Miroku: *suddenly yanks out another tiny notebook* Kagomes are very rude and incredibly mentally abusive when with child
Kagome: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!
Kagome: DUDE HOW MANY OF THOSE DO YOU HAVE
Sango: MIROKU I TOLD YOU I WOULD BURN THAT
Miroku: YOU SAID YOU WOULD BURN THE ONE YOU WERE HOLDING
Yashie: Since you said you would burn it, he assumed you would burn the one you knew about
Kagome: ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS STUFF TOO?!
Sango: NO I SAID I WOULD BURN ANY NEW ONES YOU START WRITING IN
Miroku: *starts crying more*
Sango: STOP CRYING YOU FUCKING WIMP
Kagome: Pussy
Yashie: Female cat
Kagome: Shut up
Yashie: Yes, dear
Sango: Hey, Kagome?
Kagome: Yeah?
Sango: when the hell does this Paris trip end?
Kagome: After I track down that drug dealer moron, torture him to find out where Shippo is, and kill him. When Shippo's back in my arms, we can go home
Drug dealer: did somebody say drug dealer moron?
Kagome: *Tasers him*
Sango: well that's taken care of...wait, where's Shippo?
Kagome: Not yet
Kagome: *throws potion bottle on drug dealer idiot*
Drug dealer: Ugh...*covered in purple liquid*
((Fire: Or whatever color the trust serum they tried using on Miroku was
Kagome: START TALKIN' DIRTBAG
Drug Dealer: PLEASE DONT HURT ME
Yashie: Where is my son? *holds up axe threateningly*
Drug dealer: *changes shape and morphs into Shippo* I'm right here please don't hurt me
Kagome: *blinks*
Kagome: What the hell?
Shippo: I had to shapeshift to confuse the drug dealer and escape!
Kagome: Then how come we couldn't see your tail?
Shippo: you just didn't notice it
Kagome: *glares at him*
Shippo: mommy! Please! Believe me! *starts crying*
Kagome: *shoves vegetables in his mouth to shut him up*
Shippo: MMMMBBBBNNNNMMNNNGGGGHHHH
Kagome: *shoves more vegetables in his mouth* Swallow and it won't be as bad
Miroku: That's what she-*sees Sango's vicious glare and shrinks back as well as pales a few shades*
Sango: Kagome, do you think that's really Shippo?
Kagome: *starts getting suspicious*
Shippo: *tears streaming down face and trying to chew up all the vegetables*
Miroku: *pokes Shippo in the cheek*
Shippo: *still crying* Stop it!
Sango: I think he's legit...but...Paris has changed him
Kagome: Paris IS known as the city of lovers...shit. He walked into a strip club didn't he
Miroku: Ayyy my man *extends hand for a high five*
Shippo: *looks at him, still sobbing*
Sango: *death glare* *crickets chirping*
Kagome: *death glare*
Yashie: *uncharacteristic death glare since he's still all professional*
Kagome: Step away from my son, you damned pervert
Miroku: *slides away from the scene without moving his body*
Kagome: *eyes dart to him, death clear in her eyes*
Shippo: *swallows* I did it...
Kagome: *eyes dart to him* Did what? *voice cold*
Shippo: Swallowed the vegetables!
Kagome: *normal again* Oh
Shippo: *starts crying again* I'M SORRY, I SHOULDN'T HAVE RUN OFF, WAAAAAAAH